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November 2024 Newsletter vol. 4, issue 1
INTRUSIVETHOUGHTS A NEWSLETTER FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF PSYCHIATRY'S OCD CARE TEAM
REFLECTIONS ON RUPTURE AND REPAIR I like wrapping gifts haphazardly with the tape at random angles and the paper folded in off-kilter ways. When I present these gifts that look like a 5year-old wrapped them, I am aspiring to both accept and communicate that I cannot produce a perfectly wrapped gift. In the past, I tried to wrap things like I saw it done in stores or online. When that was my goal, I used to worry that my efforts to create a nicely wrapped gift would be laughable and embarrassing. I would worry that it seemed like I didn't care enough to make sure it looked beautiful or that I was somehow inadequate. When I leaned into preparing and giving gifts in insanely messy wrappings, I still had those fears and in fact they intensified. What I found, however, was that those who received my childishly bundled offerings often laughed with joy. They delighted in the unexpected silliness of the gift getting experience and we playfully connected because of it. We are told that the actual act of giving and receiving gifts is supposed to be a joyous interchange. Often though, it can fall short of expectations or bring us disappointments and hurts that run much deeper than the actual process of gift giving. When we consider how the people we care about have let us down or think about ways we wish we had been a better friend, a better family member or colleague, it’s hard not to get stuck in anger, hurt, disappointment, self-doubt or self-blame. Expectations that we should be having joyful, satisfying, or even tolerable connections with loved ones over the holidays can make these feelings even more difficult. If what has happened in our relationships involves pain, conflict, separation, or distance (or all of these and more!), we can be drawn into an exclusive focus on what is NOT working, what is missing, and what has been lost.
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