11 20 14 entire issue lo res

SJP Rally Draws Counterprotest

Demonstration criticizes Cornell-Technion partnership

By NOAH RANKIN AND SOFIA HU Sun City Editor and Sun Senior Writer

Dozens gathered on Ho Plaza Wednesday as Students for Justice in Palestine staged a rally protesting the University’s ties with the Technion-Israel Institute of Technology, which culminated in a shouting match among some participants

The rally, which began around 1 p m , featured students dressed up as Israeli Defense Forces shoving and searching other student actors in order to represent checkpoints on the West Bank According to an SJP statement , students also held up banners representing the wall “that Israel built to separate itself from the Palestinians ”

The rally was a part of a wider event, where SJP members placed banners around campus, including in Duffield Hall, Sage Hall and at the Klarman Hall construction site Such banners stated messages including “Don’t engineer this occupation Free Palestine,” “Cornell + Technion = Israeli Apartheid” and “Cornell: Colonizing Since 1865 ”

According to Abram Coetsee grad, a member of SJP, Technion, Cornell’s partner at Cornell Tech, “has a lot of investment” in an “apartheid system ”

“It helps build the surveillance and military equipment, which helps sustain this kind of violence in Israel,” Coetsee said “Over the past year, Cornell has partnered with Technion to build its Roosevelt campus and that is one of our main targets right now Our overall goal is to push for boycott, divestment and sanctions against Israel and try to undermine the oppression that Israel is creating in Palestine ”

Coetsee added that Cornell students should be aware of their University’s relationship to Technion for this reason

“Most people in Cornell aren ’ t aware of the fact that it’s the number one of all American universities leading the partnership in the oppressive regime in Israel,” he said “No other American university has this type of relationship By partnering with Technion, we ’ re helping building the weapons that are killing and hurting people ”

See RALLY page 4

y m o r n i n g A s t h e f e a t u re d s p e a k e r a t t h e a n n u a l j o i n t s e r v i c e c l u b s m e e ti n g h o s t e d by t h e It h a c a Ro t a r y C l u b, Sk o r t o n s p o k e o f w h a t h e s a i d we re t h e f o u r m a i n l e s s o n s h e h a s l e a r n e d f r o m h i s t i m e i n It h a c a A l l f o u r l e s s o n s we re c e nt e re d a ro u n d t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f

p o s i t i ve c o m m u n i t y re l a t i o n s “ T h i n k i n g a b o u t w h a t i t i s t h a t I ’ ve l e

n e d i n t h e t

t h a t I ’ v e b e e n i n It h a c a , I ’ v e b e e n t h i n k i n g a b o u t t h i n g s t h a t h a ve m a d e a d i f f e re n c e i n m y l i f e n o t o n l y a s a n It h a c a n ,

By TALIA JUBAS Sun Staff Writer

People all over the world will now be able to see that ‘Ithaca is Gorges’; o n We d n e s d a y, Go o g l e re l e a s e d Street View images of Ithaca’s scenic areas

The partnership, between Google m a p s a n d t h e C i t y o

Ge o g

p

c In f o r m a t i

Sy

e m Program, began in May after being accepted to Google’s Trekker Loan Program, which includes expanded mapping ser vices that are inaccessible to Google’s car, according to GIS staff member Susan Nixson

“By loaning the equipment to organizations around the world with the Trekker Loan Program, we can capture images from new locations more quickly, and improve our ability [to] make these images available online for all to enjoy,” she said Cadrecha added that Google is interested in partnering with universities

“[Google is] interested in part-

tourism boards, government agen-

See GOOGLE page 5

T h e e q u i p m e n t w h i c h includes a backpack with a 15-lens camera system that automatically takes pictures ever y 2 5 seconds is delivered to third party participants, who collect footage of these destinations, according to Susan Cadrecha, a press representative from Google

The Changing Face of Indian Democracy: From Secularism to Majoritarianism 12:15 - 1 p m , 277 Myron Taylor Hall

The Tragedy of German Naval Ambition Before the First World War 12:15 - 1:30 p m , G08 Uris Hall

Challah for Hunger 4:30 - 5:30 p m , 104! West

Student Assembly Meeting 4:45 - 6:30 p m , Memorial Room, Willard Straight Hall

weather FORECAST

Throwback Thursday

Administrators

By ELIZABETH HERMAN ’01

Imbibe for a Cause

Last night, students watched as Dean of Students John Ford and Associate Judicial Administrator Linda B Falkson were given a sobriety test by Cornell Police senior investigator, Scott C Hamilton

Awareness Week, obser ved in 3,000 college campuses

Drunk,’ was held in Noyes in conjunction with the First Year Residential Experience (FYRE)

As part of the program, Ford and Falkson began drinking wine approximately an hour before the program began Hamilton then performed a step by step sobriety test, explaining what police officers look for when determining if a person is intoxicated

“[Intoxicated] college students tend to sing the ABCs like they’re in kindergarten,” said Hamilton

He also discussed the toughening of dr unk driving laws in recent years “ We were losing too many people [in dr unk driving accidents] ” Hamilton added the borderline intoxicated people are the most dangerous because they believe that they are okay to drive

Ford said he believes in the goals of alcohol education “Alcohol is so per vasive in our society, we often don’t stop to think,” he said

After consuming half a bottle of wine, Ford’s blood alcohol level was 03 Falkson had an identical blood alcohol level after drinking four glasses

A blood alcohol level between 06 and 09 is considered driving while impaired, under New York State Law

A blood alcohol level of 1 0 is driving while intoxicated, Hamilton said

Though both were under the legal limit, Falkson commented, “I would never get behind the wheel of a car after drinking ” Her husband was present to drive her home

During an earlier part of the program, Hamilton showed a video about the illegal alcohol market, documenting the black market production and sale of alcohol “ This alcohol is produced in a dirty and disgusting atmosphere You have to watch what you drink You don’t know what you ’ re getting,” Hamilton said

“People will think twice about drinking and what they buy,” said Gabrielle Finley ’00, an R A from Class of ’28, in response to the video

Employee Assembly Talks Turnover, Staff Complaints

By MOLLY KARR Sun Staff Writer

Members of Cornell’s Employee Assembly discussed the importance of maintaining staff morale in light of high employee turnover during a meeting in the Physical Sciences building Wednesday

While President David Skorton who was originally scheduled to speak was unable to attend due to a cold, Mary Opperman, vice president for human resources, answered members’ questions concerning what Opperman described as a recent increase in staff complaints and turnover

“For a number of years, the idea was, ‘We needed to get our budget taken care of and then we’ll go back to the way things were, ’ but people are realizing that won ’ t happen,” Opperman said

B J Siasoco, executive vice chair of the E A , asked Opperman if the University could take specific initiatives to better help its staff

“There are culture and climate issues we need to address,” Opperman said “I think the long-term answer is to address how [human resources and faculty] work together ”

According to Opperman, one of these issues is the recent economic slump that caused staff to search for additional jobs In addition, Opperman stressed that the age gap between staff members needs to be respected

“We have new generations coming in and older generations who are staying longer than they had planned to, ” she said Michelle Stefanski-Seymour, an ambulatory technician at the University, said she believes Cornell should support faculty growth

“We are trying to support employee growth,” she said “[Cornell] need[s] supervisors to promote growth for faculty members ”

Human resources has implemented a formal rotational program, which encourages faculty members at Cornell to explore different positions and increase their career-progression, as part of a new attempt keep employees satisfied, according to Opperman

“It is an intention of ours to use career growth mechanisms besides changing jobs to help people create movement, ” Opperman said

A housing questionnaire was also sent out to graduate students and faculty in response to complaints about the lack of affordable housing Greg Mezey ’09, chair of the E A and director of food and beverage for the Statler Hotel,

emphasized the need to make the best of such resources

“We need to lay groundwork so once we get data we aren ’ t a year behind in analyzing results [of the survey],” Mezey said

When asked about how the E A and faculty could form relationships with President-Elect Elizabeth Garrett, Opperman advised members of Cornell’s staff to directly contact her

“We have to start out with assumptions Assume she will want to engage with the non-faculty workforce,” Opperman said “What we do know she isn’t fazed by disagreement to me that’s a really positive thing ”

ILR Professor Wins Labor Economics Award

Prof. Gary Fields says international community should focus on global poverty issue

By MADELINE COHEN Sun Staff Writer

n n e r o f t h e 2 0 1 4

Institute for the Study of Labor Prize in Labor Economics, Prof Gary Fields, industrial and labor relations, says that improving employment opportunities is a key part of economic develop-

ment Fields who won the prize

Mo n d a y f o r h i

research in economic policy said he has spent time in the

According to Fields, half of the world’s population live on less than $2 50 a day

“The major problem they face is not employment but low earn-

efforts should focus on improving labor outcomes for the poor

development efforts,” he said “Helping the poor earn their way out of poverty is a laudable goal and can serve as a rallying cry for n a t i o n a l a n d i n t e r n a t i o n a l action ”

The prize won by Fields is p re s e n t e d e a c h ye a r by t h e

“Helping the poor earn their way out of poverty is a laudable goal and can serve as a a rallying cry for national and international action ” P

s must be targeted on improving employment and earnings,” he said

h e h a s helped develop policies to aid the poor in developing countries, including improving the World Bank’s lending programs

In addition to assisting the World Bank, Field said has was also able to provide assistance to labor programs in South Korea by designing new programs

“[There are] two major programs, ” he said “A minimum wage system and an employment insurance system, which consisted of unemployment insurance, job training and labor market information ”

Fields also stressed the importance of decreasing the global poverty rate

“The question itself assumes a key part of the answer: that fighting poverty must be the focus of

Institute for the Study of Labor a German economics research group that operates a network of 1 , 3

n d researchers across 45 countries t o e xc e p t i o n a l a c a d e m i c accomplishments in the subject of labor economics

Fields said he is “deeply honored” to have received the award E

rejected traditional approaches of economic research and examined the relationship between distrib-

University press release

“Fields turned this approach upside down and called on economists to analyze how the rates and type of growth helps or hinders distributional goals,” the release said

Google Street View Showcases Cornell Gorges, City Scenery

Google works with Ithaca’s GIS dept.

GOOGLE

Continued from page 1

h a c a ’ s n a t u r a l b e a u t y l e d Go o g l e t o p a r t n e r

w i t h t h e c i t y “ ‘ It h a c a i s Go r g e s ’ I t h i n k t h a t s a y i n g i s re a l l y h e a rd a ro u n d

t h e c o u n t r y, ” s h e s a i d

Ni x s o n a n d o t h e r vo l u n t e e r s e x p l o re d a n d t o o k p h o t o s It h a c a ’ s n u m e ro u s g o r g e t r a i l s , w a t e r f a l l s , p a rk s a n d o t h e r n a t u r a l l a n d -

m a rk s , a c c o rd i n g t o a p re s s re l e a s e f ro m t h e C i t y o f It h a c a

T h e f o o t a g e we n t l i ve o n We d n e s d a y m o r n i n g , a f t e r a f e w

m o n t h s o f Go o g l e p ro c e s s i n g t h e p h o t o s , c o m p i l i n g t h e m i n t o p a n o r a m i c i m a g e s a n d f o r m a t t i n g t h e m f o r t h e i r St re e t Vi e w s e r -

v i c e , a c c o rd i n g t o Ni x s o n

T h e r e l e a s e w a s s c h e d u l e d t o c o i n c i d e w i t h In t e r n a t i o n a l

Ge o g r a p h i c In f o r m a t i o n Sy s t e m Da y, a d a y t h a t c e l e b r a t e s a p p l i c a -

t i o n s o f t h e t e c h n o l o g y, Ni x s o n a d d e d “ It’s a n e d u c a t i o n a l e f f o r t a ro u n d t h e w o r l d t o m a k e p e o p l e a w a r e o f h o w [ G e o g r a p h i c I n f o r m a t i o n S y s t e m ] t e c h n o l o g y i m p a c t s , a n d i m p rove s , t h e i r e ve r yd a y l i ve s , ” s h e s a i d

It h a c a ’ s Ge o g r a p h i c In f o r m a t i o n Sy s t e m p ro g r a m p a r t o f t h e c i t y ’ s De p a r t m e n t o f Pu b l i c Wo rk s h a n d l e s i n t e r n a l c i t y p ro j e c t s a n d u s e s m a p p i n g t e c h n o l o g y t o i n c re a s e t h e e a s e a n d e f f i c i e n c y o f m u n i c i p a l w o rk e r s ’ j o b s , a c c o rd i n g t o t h e p ro g r a m ’ s we b s i t e Ni x s o n s a i d s h e h o p e s t h e c o l l a b o r a t i o n w i t h Go o g l e w i l l c o nt r i b u t e t o t h e c i t y ’ s g o a l s “ In a d d i t i o n t o t h e t re m e n d o u s re c re a t i o n a l a n d t o u r i s m u s e s

t h e s e t o o l s p rov i d e , t h e y c a n a l s o b e u s e d by a n u m b e r o f p ro f e s -

s i o n s s u c h a s e m e r g e n c y s e r v i c e s , e d u c a t o r s , e ve n t p l a n n e r s a n d

m a i n t e n a n c e c re w s , ” s h e s a i d

Talia Jubas can be reached at tjubas@cornellsun com

Independent Since 1880 132ND EDITORIAL BOARD

HALEY VELASCO ’15

in Chief

CATHERINE CHEN ’15

Business Manager

CAROLINE FLAX ’15

Associate Editor

NICK DE TULLIO 15 Web Editor

RACHEL ELLICOTT 15 Blogs Editor

ELIZABETH SOWERS 15 Design Editor

CONNOR ARCHARD ’15 Sports

ANNIE BUI ’16

KAITLYN TIFFANY ’15

Arts & Entertainment Editor

KATHLEEN BITTER 15

CHARDAE VARLACK 15

Multimedia Editor

EMILY BERMAN 16

Sports Editor

NICOLE HAMILTON 16

Graphic Design Editor

EMMA LICHTENSTEIN ’16

Marketing Manager

LUISE YANG ’15

Human Resources Manager

ARIELLE CRUZ ’15 Senior Editor

MICHELLE FELDMAN ’15

Senior Editor

JAYNE ZUREK ’16 Senior Editor

WORKING ON TODAY’S SUN

PHOTO NIGHT DESKERS Connor Archard 15 Michaela Brew ’18

ARTS EDITORS Sean Doolittle 16 NEWS DESKERS Anushka Mehrotra ’16 Noah Rankin 16 NEWS NIGHT EDITOR Zoe Ferguson ’17

SPORTS EDITOR Anna Fasman 16

DINING EDITOR Kay Xiao ’16

DESIGN DESKERS Jayant Mukhopadhaya 15

ALICEA ’16

STEELE ’15

CHIUSANO 15

REHBERG 16

YANG 15

RANKIN ’16

’16

DOOLITTLE ’16

XIAO 16

16

FASMAN 16

RATHORE 15

SHIM ’15

UHLER 15

DAVIS ’16

LEVY 16

ILifehack #1: Protect Yourself, Don't Get Hacked

was hacked Which is so crazy! Who would ever want to hack into my accounts? All that they would find is snarky columns about my time in Europe and starving Neopets They’d have to spend so much time feeding them to proper health and that would be such a hassle Even I don’t remember my Neopets password, so maybe it’s a good thing I was hacked But yeah, apparently being a savvy Millennial with a “ strong password that have at least one character and number, I was hacked somewhere in Italy The “free” wifi network didn’t even work! All I wanted was to post some photos of me eating my weight in pasta, but I guess that warrants a full invasion of privacy in this country

And what an invasion it was! My viruslaced email was sent to everyone, from the Assistant Dean of the Law School, to every member of the Big Red Bands While I was delightfully snoozing on a train from Venice to Bologna, my fellow Cornellians were fighting à la The Matrix with this spam email It was legitimately scary when some of the adults who got the email thanked me for the file and said they’d see it in a bit I can ’ t even begin to express the embarrassment of sending 25-plus emails apologizing for my incubus of electronic viral invasion Even Financial Aid thought it was a legitimate message, and who knows what would have happened to the hacked Cornell bank accounts

Orphan Black), it’s important to divulge as little or as small of information as possible to your outer ring The last thing you want is being the pity party of your friend group, the martyrs or the living soap opera of typical undergrad problems As a generation, we ’ re very into openness As digital exhibitionists, we love to tell everyone what we ’ re eating, what we just saw on TV and what flavor peanut butter we are (gotta love those Buzzfeed quizzes) And this is not a bad thing: It’s how we stay connected to our friends, our digital scrapbooks of our lives

Letter to the Editor

Protection surpasses any of our classes taught at Cornell. It’s not just about protecting your GMail account or your Snapchat passowrd, but about protecting your heart, too. N o t j u s t

So while my ego inflated from the “ power ” of my personal Cornell network, I balked at all the people who unknowingly trusted my viral message and thought it was a legitimate message It felt like a postdystopian spy film, where people willingly trust their friends and get betrayed in a dramatic plot-twist Which is what this column is all about Not surprising plot-twists like in Gone Girl, but about security and protection in the digital age

i v e a c t i v i s t s a r e t r y i n g t o

u n d e r m i n e T h e A f f o rd a b l e C a r e A c t , ” a n d s p e c i f i c a l l y f i n g e r s t h e Ko c h

B r o t h e r s a s c u l p r i t s Pe r h a p s M r B r o t z w o u l d b e w i s e r t o e x a m i n e t h e s p e c i f i c w a y t h e A f f o rd a b l e

C a r e A c t ’ s a r c h i t e c t s ( s p e c i f i c a l l y Jo n a t h a n Gr u b e r ) , p r e v e n t e d t r a n s p a r e n c y a b o u t t h e a c t f r o m r e a c h i n g t h e A m e r i c a n p u b l i c A c c o rd i n g t o T h e Wa l l St r e e t Jo u r n a l , “ [ i t ] ‘ w o u l d n o t h a v e p a s s e d ’ h a d D e m o c r a t s b e e n h o n e s t a b o u t t h e i n c o m e r e d i s t r i b u t i o n p o l i c i e s e m b e d d e d i n i t s i n s u r a n c e r e g u l a t i o n s ” C o n c e r n i n g o n e s e l f w i t h t r a n s p a r

a t t G o t t l i e b g r a d

CORRECTION

A Nov 19 science article titled “Peer Review: Eleanore O’Neil ’15 Raises Chickens on Energy-Efficient Feed,” it was misstated that O’Neil is a food science major She is majoring in animal science

While my COMM professors will swear that I’m quoting one of their classes, protection surpasses any of our classes taught at Cornell It’s not just about protecting your GMail account or your Snapchat password, but about protecting your heart, too The heart is a very fragile organ 10 out of 11 premeds say it’s important to remember this fact for their prelim The other one is too busy sleeping in the cocktail lounge to remember this made-up factoid

Joking aside, it’s important to protect yourself, in all aspects of the word Protect yourself from the harsh Ithaca elements by buying a warm (but stylish) peacoat (no more Nor th Faces or Canadian Goose Jackets please) Protect your lymphatic system by getting some NyQuil and healing your throat And, lastly, protect your heart from people who want to play with it Don’t let anyone play with it for that manner, it’s yours alone to share it, so keep it safe Like Elsa said, “conceal, don’t feel, don’t let it show ” And while she learned that repressing your feelings was a bad idea, there’s definitely some worth to being safe about your inner thoughts

While one ’ s interior monologues are a safe performance for your best friend (complete with Pad Thai and an episode of

This openness isn’t just limited to social media, as East Coast college students, we live in a very liberal culture and sometimes divulge more than we “should ” I mean, I’m published next to two sex columns for crying out loud We take this openness for granted, as both young adults and Americans, and that’s when protection comes in Or discretion at least Free flow of communication is great until it’s taken advantage of, and then it bites us in our digital derrières As for the “ protect your heart” mushygushy stuff, it’s really simple All emotional experiences in this world are valid and should be felt but with consent only No one is allowed to make you feel anything without your permission, and when intentions become harmful, that’s when you know you have to protect yourself However, it’s not as easy as I’m making it out to be Emotions are messy, amorphous and affect people with or without intent The important thing is to know yourself well and know when it’s alright to let others in and when to shield yourself and be strong

For my final aspect of protection, I ask you all to protect your belongings While yes, excessive materialism is a horrid aspect of the human experience, we all love our iPhones too much and can ’ t function without them I guess this applies a lot more to those of us traveling to new places, where sticky fingers often try to get a piece of the good ol’ US of A (someone please shut me up now) But even in the cold Ithaca bubble (snowglobe) things get stolen all the time As a night desker for The Sun I compiled countless of police reports where computers, phone and even clothes were stolen from libraries and gym lockers Really guys, clothes from Teagle? So gross This proves that even in the ivory tower, protection is needed Just watch your stuff, don’t assume someone doesn’t want your dead-skin cellridden belongings

So take care of your passwords, hearts, clothes, friends, etc While we all are happy with our “ master password” that gets us access into everything, there’s a crippling fear that rushes in when that privacy is compromised Same goes for our emotional sanity and our safe havens The hassle of having to send apology emails or of having emotional turmoil or having to call the police is too much to add unto our stress-filled lives For now I’m going to change my password, and I encourage you all to do so to! Make it a challenge for those pesky hackers

Kevin Milian is a senior in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences He can be reached at kmilian@cornellsun com Milian Dollar Baby appears on alternate Thursdays this semester

Ruth M. | I’m Just Gonna Shake It

Save Water, Shower Together

One of the things that Cornellians learn here in Ithaca is that you won ’ t find on any syllabus is how to sur vive the frigid, bluster y winters Whether it’s spending $800 on a jacket that really isn’t much warmer than a much cheaper North Face jacket (I’m looking at you, Canada Goose), wearing a onesie under all your clothes (is that just me?) or skipping class to hide under your heated blanket all day, nothing beats a hot shower and some body heat Yes, those of you who aren ’ t aware of what column you ’ re reading, I’m about to talk about shower sex

Once you master it, shower sex can be the hottest (literally and figuratively) sex you have The hot water is pulsing on your back, the room is full of steam, and your skin is wet and slides against your partner ’ s You may feel limited in such a small space, but the fact that you ’ re doing it in the shower is pleasurable and adventurous enough without switching positions multiple times Some positions depend on if you ’ re in a stand-up shower or a shower with a bathtub, but I’ve done it in both and thoroughly enjoyed it in both

First of all, there are no excuses not to perform oral sex Worried

about the smell in that region? Seductively clean your partner first Rubbing soap and hot water all over someone else is a huge turn-on for both of you, and gives you a great opportunity to put your hands all over them, including between their legs

Just make sure you rinse well to avoid the taste of soap Then get on your knees and suck away, and you’ll have plenty of water

t o k e e p

y o u r m o u t h lubricate d I f y o u r p a r t n e r i s f e m a l e , it might be easier if she sits on the edge of the bathtub for this, but it’s totally possible to do in a stand up shower too I find that penetration is easiest from behind, no matter the height difference between you and your partner If you ’ re in a bathtub, the person receiving can place their hands on the end of the bathtub and support himself or herself while their partner enters them from behind Picture this

position as the kind of grinding that would have gotten you kicked out of a high school dance The person entering gets the direct hot water on their back so any sweat produced while thrusting is immediately washed away, and the person receiving gets any deflected spray while performing the “Jersey Turnpike” (Jersey Shore throwback, anyone?) If you ’ re in a stand up shower

( s e r i o u sly kudos t o

Once you master it, shower sex can be the hottest (literally and figuratively) sex you have.

receiver can brace himself or herself against the wall and arch their back so that their partner may enter If you ’ re short, tr y standing on your toes, and if you ’ re tall, you ’ re definitely going to have to bend your knees for this one, especially if you ’ re the penetrator This position takes a little bit of balance, but just think of it as an added workout, making you that much more toned for the next time someone sees

you naked

Penetration from the front is only really possible if one person can hold the other against the shower wall This definitely presents a slipping hazard, but it’s doable As the person held up against the wall, I find it a little uncomfortable to have my vertebrae pressed against a wall, and I also have never truly trusted in the ability of my partners to hold me up on a slipper y surface However, it has been done and it’s worth a tr y at least for a little while if you want to switch positions while having shower sex

After all of this aerobic activity, no one wants to clean up after wards The great thing about shower sex is that any ejaculate goes right down the drain, and as the postorgasm desire for cuddling sets in, you can gently wipe each other clean, wrap up in a towel and head to the bedroom without that post-sex smell Better yet, your sheets won ’ t smell like sex either Save water, shower together

r y

e n t l y, I

w a s a b l e t o b re a k t h e c o l d s t re a k a n d i t e n d e d u p b e i n g

we l l w o r t h t h e w a i t Ho l d i n g f o r a p p l a u s e De s p i t e t h e a we s o m e n e s s o f h a v i n g s e x a n d n o t h a vi n g t o w a t c h i t , I c a n ’ t s a y t h e e n d d i d n ’ t c o m e w i t h o u t s o m e h e s i t a t i o n , c h a l l e n g e s a n d g e n e r a l i n e p t i t u d e o n m y p a r t i n t h e b e d ro o m T h e n e r ve s I f e l t a s I t o o k o f f h e r b r a a n d s l i p p e d o f f h e r p a n t s m a d e m e re m i n i s c e n t o f t h e c l u m s i n e s s o f l o s i n g m y v i r g i n i t y i n t h e b a c k o f m y f a m i l y ’ s m i n i va n a b o u t f i ve ye a r s a g o a f e e l i n g I w a s h o p i n g I h a d l e f t b e h i n d w i t h a w k w a rd s c h o o l d a n c e s a n d m y a c n e - r i d d e n s k i n R e g a r d l e s s o f y o u r c i r c u m s t a n c e , g e t t i n g b a c k i n t o t h e g a m e a f t e r a n e x t e n d e d p e r i o d o f a b s t i n e n c e c a n b e a s s c a r y a n d i n t i m i d a t i n g a s t h e f i r s t t i m e ; m y f e e l i n g s o f n e r vo u s n e s s we re e ve n m o re i n t e n s e t h a n m y f i r s t t i m e W h e t h e r i t i s c o n c e r n ove r d e ve l o p i n g s e x u a l c h e m i s t r y w i t h a n e w p a r t n e r o r f e a r t h a t t h e y w i l l b e u n i m p re s s e d w i t h yo u r a b i l i t i e s i n t h e b o u d o i r, e n d i n g t h e d ro u g h t c o m e s w i t h a n u m b e r o f u n i q u e c h a l l e n g e s t h a t , o f t e nt i m e s , c a n m a k e e x t e n d i n g t h e c o l d s t re a k a m o re

H o w I G o t B a c k I n t o t h e G a m e ( a n d H o w Y o u C a n , To o )

Fi r s t o f f, g e t b a c k t o w h a t yo u k n ow a n d l ove I ’ m a l l f o r e x p e r i m e n t a t i o n , b u t t h i s i s n o t t h e t i m e f o r a p o s it i o n t h a t yo u ’ ve n e ve r t r i e d o r a t oy t h a t yo u ’ ve n e ve r u s e d Yo u r f i r s t t i m e h a v i n g s e x f o l l ow i n g a n e x t e n d e d b re a k s h o u l d b e m i n d - b l ow i n g a n d e a s y In c l u d i n g p o s it i o n s a n d m ove s t h a t yo u k n ow yo u a re g o o d a t a n d yo u

e n j oy w i l l h e l p i n c re a s e yo u r c o n f i d e n c e w h i l e e n s u r i n g t h a t yo u r p a r t n e r i s h a v i n g a g o o d t i m e Fo r m e , I l ove

g o i n g d ow n o n g i r l s ( u n d e r s t a n d a b l y a c r a z y c o n c e p t f o r s o m e g u y s a n d t h e s u b j e c t o f m y n e x t c o l u m n ) a n d t h a t ’ s t h e f i r s t t h i n g I d i d w h e n we m ove d i n t o t h e b e d -

Including positions and moves that you know you are good at and you enjoy will help increase your confidence.

a p p e a l i n g o p t i o n t h a n t a k i n g a r i s k a n d o p e n i n g yo u rs e l f u p t o s o m e o n e n e w In m y o p i n i o n , n o n e o f t h e s e c h a l l e n g e s e x i s t w i t h o u t s o l u t i o n s a n d e m b r a c i n g t h e p o s s i b i l i t y w i l l , m o re o f t e n t h a n n o t , l e a ve yo u w a k i n g

u p h a p p y a n d re a d y t o e m b r a c e t h e g a m e a g a i n a n d

a g a i n a n d a g a i n

ro o m I h a ve c o n f i d e n c e i n i t a n d , a f t e r h e a r i n g h e r m o a n w i t h i n s e c o n d s , I re m e m b e re d t h a t I k n e w w h a t I w a s d o i n g a n d I w a s a b l e t o g e t b a c k i n t o t h e zo n e I ’ ve f o u n d t h a t d ro u g h t s n o t o n l y c a n m a k e u s w o r s e a t s e x p h y s i c a l l y, t h e y a l s o h a ve t h e a b i l i t y t o w re c k o u r c o n f i d e n c e Nu m e ro u s c o n ve r s a t i o n s w i t h m e n a n d w o m e n a t C o r n e l l h a ve l e d m e t o u n d e r s t a n d t h e m u lt i t u d e o f q u e s t i o n s t h a t m a k e p e o p l e h e s i t a n t t o c h a n g e t h e i r l i f e s t y l e s a n d p u t t h e m s e l ve s o u t t h e re A s k i n g q u e s t i o n s a b o u t yo u r p a r t n e r a n d yo u r w i l l i n g n e s s t o e n g a g e i n s e x i s i m p o r t a n t Bu t l e a r n i n g t o re c o g n i ze t h e d i s t i n c t i o n b e t we e n a s k i n g q u e s t i o n s f o r t h e s a k e o f e x t e n d i n g yo u r n e r ve s i s w h o l l y d i s t i n c t f ro m a s k i n g t h o s e q u e s t i o n s t o m a k e s u re yo u w i l l n o t re g re t g o i n g h o m e w i t h h i m / h e r i n t h e m o r n i n g Du r i n g m y c o n ve r s a t i o n s , m o s t o f t h e re a s o n s f o r t h i s h e s i t a t i o n c o m e f ro m a n i n t e r n a l l a c k o f s e l f - c o n f id e n c e a n d , u s u a l l y, a re e n t i re l y u n re l a t e d t o t h e q u e st i o n o f w h e t h e r o r n o t t h e p e r s o n a c t u a l l y w a n t s t o h a ve s e x Us u a l l y, I f i n d t h a t t h e p e r s o n re a l l y d o e s w a n t t o g e t b a c k i n t o t h e g a m e , t h e y ’ re j u s t u n s u re w h e t h e r o r n o t o t h e r s w a n t t o h a ve s e x w i t h t h e m My b e s t re c o mm e n d a t i o n i s t o a s k t h e i m p o r t a n t q u e s t i o n s b e f o re yo u s t a r t m e e t i n g p e o p l e o r d e c i d i n g w h e t h e r o r n o t t o g o h o m e w i t h s o m e b o d y On c e yo u ’ re i n t h e m o m e n t , g o w i t h yo u r g u t a n d h a ve a g o o d t i m e Ab ove a l l e l s e , i t ’ s i m p o r t a n t t o re m e mb e r t h a t t h e a w k w a rd n e s s w i l l s u b s i d e Fo r s o m e , i t w i l l t a k e a f e w t i m e s , a n d f o r o t he r s t h e n e r ve s m i g h t g o a w a y w h e n yo u r l i p s t o u c h yo u r p a r t n e r ’ s l i p s f o r t h e f i r s t t i m e Bu t h a v i n g t h e p e a c e o f m i n d t h a t o p e n i n g y o u r s e l f u p e m o t i o n a l l y, a n d p h y s i c a l l y, w i l l l e a d t o b e t t e r s e x a n d a n i n c re a s e d c o mf o r t w i t h n e w p a r t n e r s i s c r u c i a l I h o p e k n ow i n g t h e s e x c o l u m n i s t s t r u g g l e s w i t h d ro u g h t s , d r y s p e l l s a n d c o l d s t re a k s w i l l h e l p yo

By RACHAEL CUSICK Sun Staff Writer

Abit too often, we indulge in things we ’ re not too

p r o u d o f O c c a s i o n a l nights at home are spent con-

t e n t l y w a t c h i n g Ma g i c Bu l l e t infomercials; frequent mornings in class are reser ved for chain-

s k i m m i n g B u z z Fe e d a r t i c l e s

And if asked for one ’ s opinion on R Kelly’s remix to Ignition, many of us would all culpably confess that we ’ re never happier than the moment it graces our car stereos Basically, life is filled with guilty pleasures and our taste buds would be damned if they were the exception to these

s a t i s f y i n g , y e t q u e s t i o n a b l e habits

W h e t h e r w e ’ re s t re s s i n g o r relaxing, ravenously hungr y or simply bored out of our minds, each of us has that go-to food that satisfies the most relentless of munchies But a tr ue “guilty

p l e a s u r e ” f o o d i s a d e l i c a t e species At minimum, it must be the size of a small, yet husky,

t o d d l e r It s h o u l d m a k e y o u slightly embarrassed to consume in front of strangers, yet not too a s h a m e d t o d e v o u r m o m e n t s after the cashier bestows it in

your hands And, most importantly, the more casual the food the better, because it’s not really an indulgence unless you can enjoy it in your college sweatpants and cr umb-festered bed And so, this ar ticle scrounges up the most binge-wor thy, hear tburning foods in Ithaca and narrows them into categories for ever y type of major craving

After writing an entire ar ticle solely dedicated to the town ’ s best desser ts, picking the Sugar y option was the biggest ethical dilemma I faced all week But after a quick menu scroll and the k n o w

To G

would deliver warm waffles to my doorstep, the case was quickly closed Waffle Frolic’s menu is lined with both sweet and savor y o

from simple (think: butter and powdered sugar) to fried chicken drizzled with maple hot sauce I settled on the ice cream sandwich solely because the menu warns that it is “big enough for two ” , which we all know really means enough for me, myself and I Each order includes two fluffy waffles folded over two

s c o o p

, caramel sauce, whipped cream and Belgian chocolate sauce I elected the bittersweet chocolate ice cream and a one dollar addition of fried bananas to fully maximize the ridiculousness of eating this bad boy alone The buttermilk waffles were warm, butter y and per fectly enveloped

nuttiness of the fried bananas

Since neither the restaurant nor any rational human being reco

desser t-for-breakfast beast solo, you can always split it amongst

achache and judgmental glance from the deliver yman

c

“husky toddler”-sized food The Maven is best enjoyed on weekend nights with an order of fries from the secret menu and the best of freshman year friends

A scoop of ice cream doesn’t necessarily qualify as a guilty pleasure in and of itself But s

filled, delicious

item would be the one to write

Ultimately,

If, like me, any of you were o n t h

pudgy growing up, the humorous appeal of this menu title hits a little too close to home

said ice cream not once, not t w i c e , b u

After the man

tomato and lettuce After selecting your level of spice for the buffalo sauce and a fe w minutes, a tin foil wrapped baseball bat of bread is handed over The sandwich is smoky, greasy, cheesy and

e away from his stand, I made it my mission to get a cone of this creamy per fection by the end of the day To note, Cornell Dair y is notorious for its air-ridden ice cream, putting all creamy contenders to shame This flavor combines the ear thy background of sweet maple syr up with the

d onion all seems a bit weak, right? Don’t worr y The two

buns will obliterate that look of confidence right off your face I coerced the friend I had taken along to take a gamble on the Fat Kid while I selfishly ordered the restaurant ’ s take on a bacon cheeseburger, fittingly titled the Per fect Burger When our food

through the tops of these leaning towers of ground beef and cheese We ultimately concluded that the grilled cheese and burger combination that was the Fat Kid was great separately, but together, they fell on

side of pudgy But the Per fect Burger, which was smoky yet cheesy, creamy yet tangy, bal-

ever y child and bacon cheeseburger strives for

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

J o h n M u l a n e y T o t h e r e s c u e a t B a i l e y h a l l

BY SEAN DOOLITTLE AND KAITLYN TIFFANY Arts & Entertainment Editors

After comedian Hannibal Buress cancelled at the last minute, the Cornell University Programming Board was left without an act and with hundreds of tickets sold Thankfully, Saturday Night Live writer amd stand-up comedian John Mulaney was booked with only two days to spare The Sun spoke with John Mulaney about his experiences with SNL, his new sitcom Mulaney and Mad Men

THE SUN: I m a senior and my mom insisted that I ask this question: How did you get your job at Saturday Night Live?

J OH N MUL ANEY: So, Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler used to see me at this place called the UCB Theater in 2008 They had me send a couple of tapes from Conan O’Briens I had done when it was Late Night with Conan O Brien I had done that show a couple of times, so they had me send those to Saturday Night Live I had been doing stand-up a lot I auditioned in a big audition room with a lot of people it was like me and Donald Glover and Ellie Kemper, Bobby Moynihan, maybe Jordan Peele I can ’ t remember anyone else Oh, and Nick Kroll! Bobby got it I did not get it, but they offered me a writing job based on the audition Which happens a lot Sometimes they don’t see someone as a comedy performer and they give them a writing job

SUN: Those are some huge names that you auditioned with

J M : They see everyone in comedy And they’re all doing really well now

SUN: Your best known SNL sketches involve the characters played by Bill Hader Did you write those specifically for him?

J M : I started working with Bill during my first week We wrote a sketch about Mark Spitz I saw him today on the front page of The Sun that was my first sketch ever, with Michael Phelps, but it didn’t get on We wrote together like every week A lot of it was rejected

SUN: I’ve heard you, for Stefon, added jokes after dress rehearsals to get him to laugh Lorne Michaels really hates when people break character Did he think it was funny for Stefon to do that?

J M : Lorne’s very cool, he would never tell you, “That was funny ” He knew what I was doing, too, so he didn’t blame Bill, but I don’t think he blamed me, either Everyone would mess with Bill to get him to break Like, Andy Samberg would stand next to the camera, staring at him with his arms crossed It was kind of a group effort It was a thing That’s why I kept messing with him When you break and it’s fake or it’s forced, that is shitty But if we make it spontaneous every time, it’s pretty great

SUN: Is there another sketch or character on SNL that you wrote that people don’t talk about as much as Stefon?

J M : Well, a writer named Rob Klein and Colin Jost and I would write these Governor David Patterson jokes for Weekend Update Fred Armisen and I wrote “The Kissing Family,” which was about a family that kisses a lot [Laughs] Fred, Bill and I would write sketches where they would play Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip Those were the recurring ones And so many sketches that people didn’t like, too

SUN: In Tina Fey’s book she wrote about hiring a writing staff and said they mix “Harvard nerds and Chicago improvisers and stir ” You’re a Georgetown nerd How was your experience in the writing room?

J M : Well, the Harvard Lampoon itself, they live in, like, a Flemish castle The weirdest group of people you’ll ever encounter It’s not just that it’s Ivy League, they’re just the strangest group of undergrads I like that recipe, that Tina wrote about Having stand-up comics is also very important They’re really good at jokes Stand-up structure is a lot like writing an episode of television You take one premise and you try to take as many jokes out of that as you can

SUN: For Mulaney you use some of your stand-up and your

comedy specials Do you think your bits work better as stand-up or as a sitcom premise?

J M : I wanted to have stand-up portions of the show, because the character does stand-up But I wanted to take things from my special because my thought was, “Some people have seen these, but most people haven’t at all ” So I wanted to lead with my best stuff In the first episode, I did jokes from both albums, and I just wanted people who have never seen my face before to see some of my favorite bits

S UN: Could you tell us about casting Mulaney? You’ve got Seaton, Nasim Pedrad and even Elliot Gould, one of the greatest SNL hosts of all time

J M : He’s in the Five Timer’s Club, right? It was the craziest thing I was like, “In a dream world, my boss would be Martin Short In a dream world, my neighbor would be Elliot Gould ” To me, they are the archetypes If you can ’ t get them, who can you get like them? And we actually got them! And then I thought, “This part would be great for Nasim, but she’s on SNL It’ll never happen ” I asked Lorne’s permission to ask her, and she said she wanted to do something else and came over to the show! I had worked with Seaton at the D C Improv once, in 2008, and really liked him He gave me a reel of stuff, so I had that for years When I was casting the character Motif, I said, “Why not Seaton Smith?” When he got approved and I’m not saying that anybody didn’t like him I was blown away that we hadn’t had a problem with casting at all, which was great It was a very lucky situation We said, “We want these people,” and they were all available

publicly say that it is true

SUN: And finally, how do you feel about Mad Men’s final season?

J M : They’re not dragging it out, it’s going out at the right time I’m going to miss it It was one of the first shows that I saw advertised and watched the first episode Which I never do Would that people did [Laughs] Normally a show is on for a few months and people start saying, “You haven’t seen it?!” and then you have to watch all of them at once I watch it pretty much every Sunday Such a good show

S UN: Your Wikipedia page is really bad [Shows him the page] I’m going to edit it for you

J M : Oh, thank you! Write whatever you want and I will

Sean Doolittle is a junior in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences Kaitlyn Tiffany is a senior in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences They can be reached at arts-editor@cornellsun com

S e l f - D e p re c a t i o n I s n ’ t A l w a y s L a m e

BY KAITLYN TIFFANY Arts and Entertainment Editor

“‘Tickets for Hannibal Buress will be honored,’ I think that’s what I’m going to call this tour, ” announced stand-up comedian, Saturday Night Live staff writer and star of the Fox sitcom Mulaney, John Mulaney on Tuesday night at Bailey Hall, as he flipped through a copy of this newspaper Before beginning his set he also played a recorded message from Buress, who apologized for cancelling his show due to the fact that he was “really caught up in this kickboxing thing right now ” (the show was actually cancelled due to scheduling conflicts with the filming of a Seth Rogen movie) Mulaney, as a last-minute replacement, was a good sport, yelling “And I get the money!” and dubbing himself a superhero who had never even been near Ithaca in his life, but who, upon receiving the call “Ithaca needs you, ” was ready to be of service

He arrived with Seaton Smith, a cast member of Mulaney who opened the show with a politically-charged and raciallyfrank set that had Bailey Hall roaring with self-conscious laughter Smith capitalized on the easy targets of black Republicans, the Cornell wealthy and the political hypersensitivity of university administrations, often going for the throat and the edging back with an impossible-to-resist, “Oh, now I’ve lost y ’all I’m sorry, crowd ” To open his segment on political conser vatism he asked the audience, “Any Republicans out there?,” waited for the hands to go up and then shouted “Yeah! White power!” Which offended only gross people After asking for black Republicans to raise their hands (they didn’t), he continued with an outraged lambasting of the black Republicans who won mid-term elections and then went on TV to talk about how America needed to “ get back to his roots ” In fact, the Washington D C -based comedian took most of his material from the racially-charged American political climate, with sick but hilarious bits on the black community’s paranoid fear of President Obama being assassinated during his first inauguration and Hillary Clinton’s misguided early 2008 comment comparing Obama’s early lead in the primaries to that of Robert F Kennedy There was

also a prolonged story about witnessing a woman getting hit in the face with a rat, the point of which was to express Smith’s admiration of the work ethic of crackheads (“You don’t see a crackhead wake up and be like, ‘I’ll go get crack tomorrow ’”) It was a bit of a shaky transition into Mulaney’s somewhat less risky joke style (a style he acknowledged himself, addressing a couple of high school students and saying “I know I’ve said some stuff, but make sure to tell your parents that Hannibal would have been way dirtier”) Mulaney started off slow with an unfunny story about trying to operate a new-fangled vaporizer in Colorado but gained speed, feeding off of audience interaction and a wealth of jokes that he pulled, on the spot, from a copy of The Daily Sun His schtick is mostly to tell tales of personal embarrassment and mild family dysfunction his father’s rivalry with Bill Clinton (and his mother’s long-running crush), his French bulldog’s assertion of dominance over him in his own house, the well-worn phrase why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” as it applied to him finally proposing to his girlfriend (“a bossy Jew,” being her main descriptor) with scads of self-deprecation and a presumption of his own innocence I try not to like man-children if I can help it, but Mulaney’s awareness of his own conceit makes it nearly forgivable (I say “nearly” because of one obnoxious and seemingly earnest joke about how it’s totally okay for a woman to talk about her vagina but no one wants to celebrate the penis of a 32 year-old weirdo”) In his New in Town special, Mulaney tells a joke about being alone with a woman in the subway at 2:00 a m , unable to understand why she is edging away from his so clearly harmless kindergarten-face and Gumbo-body, in ostensible fear Linda Holmes at NPR commends this bit as “ a sneaky piece of stand-up about privilege,” pointing out that the subject of the joke is not the woman, but Mulaney, in his ignorance about how it might feel to be a woman, alone in a confined space with a strange man, at a late hour Mulaney does this often and pointedly calling attention to his own failings not just because self-deprecation is oh-so-adorable, but because it is the appropriate way to handle a position of privilege without sounding preachy or patronizing

High Maintenance and the Non-Stoner Stoner Comedy

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

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s t a y - a t - h o m e d a d w h o h i d e s h i s w e e d -

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h i s d e v o t i o n t o a n i n t e r g a l a c t i c c u l t b y s t i c k i n g c r y s t a l s u p h i s d i c k

T h r o u g h o u t a l l o f t h i s , t h e r e i s n o m o de r n d r u g h u m o r, l i k e i n B r o a d C i t y o r Wo r k a h o l i c s In s t e a d , t h e r e a r e d r e a m y l i tt l e m e d i t a t i o n s i n t o t h e e v e r y d a y l i v e s o f Ne w Yo r k e r s w e d e f i n i t e l y k n o w ( a n d p o i n t e d l y a v o i d e y e c o n t a c t w i t h o n t h e L t r a i n ) T h e r e i s e x t r e m e e c o n o m y i n s t o r yt e l l i n g , w h i c h c o - c r e a t o r - d i r e c t o r - w r i t e ra c t o r K a t j a Bl i c h f e l d l e a r n t a s E m m y - w i nn i n g c a s t i n g d i r e c t o r f o r 3 0 R o c k In s t e a d , H i g h M a i n t e n a n c e c e l e b r a t e s i t s u n i q u e

o n g s i d e a l l e y s a n d c o n v e r s a t i o n a l d e t o u r s B e f o r e y o u k n ow i t , a z a n y b u t s o m e h ow b e l i e v a b l e p l o t h a s c r e s c e n d o e d a n d d i m i n u e n d o e d i n t h e e x t r a - s h o r t s i x t o

c o m p a c t w e b f o r m a t , d o i n g t h i n g s t h a t a s t a n d a r d T V s e r i e s c a n n o t I n s t e a d o f d e l i v e r i n g a f o r m u l a i c 3 0 - m i n u t e e p i s o d e , w i t h a c l e a r m a i n p r o t a g o n i s t , a c o n s i s t e n t s u p p o r t i n g c a s t a n d a r e l i a b l e s e a s o n - l o n g a r c , Hi g h M a i n t e n a n c e h a s t h e f r e e d o m t o t a k e r i s k s a n d c r e a t e a s t a n d

and Off the Field

TEN QUESTIONS

Continued from page 16

e v e r y d a y

h e b i g g e s t l e s s o n , I w o u l d s a y, i s a l w a y s t r y i n g t o g e t a l o n g w i t h o t h e r p e o p l e a n d t r y i n g t o w o rk we l l w i t h a g ro u p T h e re ’ s d e f i n i t e l y a d ve r s i t y i n f o o t b a l l , e s p e c i a l l y w i t h a l o t o f d i f f e re n t p e o p l e t r y i n g t o f i n d w a y s t o w o rk t o g e t h e r t ow a rd a c o m m o n g o a l Ta k i n g t h a t l e s s o n e ve r y d a y i n t h e c l a s s ro o m o r a t h o m e t o o i s i m p o r t a n t 8 ) Yo u ’ r e f r o m P i t t s b u r g h A r e y o u a St e e l e r s f a n ?

I ’ m a h u g e St e e l e r s f a n

Ha ve yo u e ve r s e e n a g a m e ?

I h a ve n o t s i n c e I ’ ve c o m e t o c o l l e g e s i n c e I ’ m n o t h o m e a s m u c h , b u t w h e n I w a s i n h i g h s c h o o l , o n e o f m y b e s t f r i e n d s f ro m h o m e

h a d s e a s o n t i c k e t s , s o I ’d a l w a y s g o t o a t l e a s t o n e g a m e w i t h h i m

T h e y ’ re a l w a y s a l o t o f f u n

9 ) D o y o u h a v e a n y h i d d e n t a l e n t s , h o b b i e s o r p a s s i o n s t h a t

p e o p l e d o n ’ t k n ow a b o u t y o u ?

Pe o p l e m i g h t k n ow a b o u t t h i s b e c a u s e [ m y ro o m m a t e s a n d I ]

d re s s e d u p a s t h e m f o r h a l l owe e n , b u t [ I ] p l a y a t o n o f Ma r i o K a r t

We a l w a y s h a ve c o m p e t i t i o n s s e e i n g w h o i s t h e h o u s e c h a m p i o n

Do yo u h a ve a g o - t o c h a ra c t e r ?

I ’ m a l w a y s Do n k e y Ko n g

1 0 ) W h e r e d o y o u s e e y o u r s e l f i n 1 0 y e a r s ?

In 1 0 ye a r s , I s e e m y s e l f m ov i n g b a c k t o Pi t t s b u r g h a n d s e t t l i n g d ow n Ho p e f u l l y, I ’l l b e m a r r i e d by t h e n a n d e i t h e r h a ve k i d s o r w i l l h a ve a k i d o n t h e w a y

Anna Fasman can be reached at afasman@cornellsun com

The Most Exciting Game

To Grace the Ivy League

Forget FiveThirtyEight and ESPN, the Cornell-Columbia football game represents all that's great about college football On a beautiful Manhattan day, a 0-8 Columbia and losers of 19 in a row played a 0-8 Cornell It was supposed to be an awful game between two bad teams, seemingly evenly matched Columbia’s last win was 19 games ago over Cornell at home This was a winnable game for each and a chance to avoid a winless season It was like the opposite of the 2011 Alabama LSU game, a supposed classic between two great teams with everything on the line The final score was 9-6 in overtime and the game not particularly exciting On the other hand, Cornell and Columbia produced one of the most entertaining games I’ve ever seen

Yes the teams were so bad that even ESPN picked up on the novelty of it And FiveThirtyEight, the brainchild of Nate Silver that so accurately predicted the 2014 elections, ran a piece on it calling it the “Worst of College Football ” I can summarize the article for you very quickly the stats say Cornell and Columbia suck at football According to the statistics, the Red and the Lions really suck At everything Except punting, for whatever reason

In the game itself, Columbia lived up to its reputation early, falling behind, 21-0 The rout was on! But the Lions were able to get together and score a touchdown to bring it within 14 And when a Cornell long snap sailed over punter Chris Fraser’s head, things really got wild Fraser tried to kick the football out of the back of the end zone for a safety, but was penalized for “illegal kicking,” (haven’t heard that one before), setting up the Lions in the red zone Columbia was able to convert and make it a one score game Game on, routs off

The craziness really hit a peak in the second half After another Lions score to tie it up, a seemingly normal kickoff was too short for the Cornell return man to handle As he sprinted to play the ball, it bounced backwards, allowing Columbia to recover its own kickoff Not an onside kick Columbia was able to recover their own ball, giving themselves great field position, field position it subsequently squandered during its first play from scrimmage The Lions quarterback dropped back and threw an interception Then, Cornell was backed up and then threw a pick

Ok, catch your breath here So Columbia finally converts on a fourth down in the process and scores to go up, 27-21 But that’s not even the craziest part The extra point, normally a mere formality, is blocked and run back the length of the field for a rare two point safety, making it a four point game in a game featuring all touchdowns, 27-23

Luke Hagy puts the Red up for good on a long touchdown run, Cornell’s third long score of the day, after running into his own lineman After exchanging punts, Columbia has a chance to win the game down three Despite the game featuring four touchdowns apiece, Columbia needs a touchdown to win because of its blocked extra point And Columbia looks as frantic as ever on offense The most unusual conversion of the drive, in which two Columbia receivers are both close enough to the ball to catch it, and I’m still not sure if the receiver who caught it was the intended one It’s a hectic drive and a fitting conclusion to the game Finally, Columbia has a fourth and 11 that looks to decide the game The quarterback scrambles, looks downfield and throws it away out of bounds A throwaway on fourth down An illogical conclusion And in a three point game, it’s a missed extra point that decides it, leaving Cornell with the win and the Empire Bowl title

I paid money to watch this game live online Why? Because it was awesome Let’s reflect here A game between two teams that combined for 0-16 had an illegal kicking penalty, six turnovers, a recovered kick off, a blocked extra point and subsequent two point run back, ends on a fourth down throwaway I might go my whole life without ever seeing this in a football game again Cornell and Columbia, two ancient rivals who first met in 1889, played a classic in Manhattan No, it wasn ’ t the pinnacle of college football But it was a blast As someone who’s watched a bunch of football games on Saturdays (including the huge AlabamaMississippi State clash), I can honestly say that it was one of the most entertaining football games I’ve ever seen It might not have been the best played game In fact, I can definitely say it wasn ’ t But it was a beautiful embodiment of all of college sports

At the FCS level of college football, no Ivy League teams participate in the playoff even if they’re deserving In reality, an Ivy League team never had a shot at the title In some respects, the football is always meaningless So what is Ivy League football about then? It’s about true student athletes, in a league that doesn’t even offer scholarships for sports, playing for the love of the game and pride It’s about continuing ancient rivalries and games between future lawyers, doctors, businessmen and leaders But it’s good enough that NFL players, including some really good ones, have played in the Ivy League

So when FiveThirtyEight came along, they missed the point entirely They just pointed at the sideshow But this game was more than that It was a group of guys honestly giving it their all and producing a great game game

Red Wins Against Colgate In Third Win of the Week

By DANIELLE LETOURNEAU Sun Staff Writer

Tuesday night, Cornell women ’ s hockey finished its five home-game stretch with a close 3-1 win over local ECAC rival, Colgate University

Cornell started the game with a 1-0 lead after 3:55 minutes of play Senior forward

sively, had there been fewer penalties

“The game was as physical [as] usual There were some good hits,” she said “I’d say the amount of time we were penalty killing hurt us overall If we were full strength for the time we were short handed, we might’ve scored a couple more goals ”

Cornell gained a quick lead into the third period Fifty-seven seconds in, O’Connor shot a pass towards sophomore forward Hanna Bunton, but it hit the skate of a Colgate defender and deflected into the net

O’Connor tried to help create more scoring opportunities by putting pressure on Colgate

Emily Fulton tipped the puck to fellow forward senior Jillian Saulnier, who created a two-on-one set up with sophomore forward Kaitlin Doering Saulnier passed the puck cross-ice to Doering, who one-timed her shot and slid it five-hole into the goal

After this goal, Cornell fought to maintain its one point advantage

Despite some added pressure from the opposition, the Red was able to contain Colgate’s efforts and keep its lead after the first period

In the second period, with Saulnier and sophomore defender Sydney Smith off for tripping, Colgate was able to quickly capitalize on the two-man advantage The puck was drilled towards the net and then tipped in by Colgate’s forward Megan Sullivan The game was tied, 1-1, going into the second intermission

Freshman blue-liner Erin O’Connor, who just won the title of ECAC Hockey Rookie of the Week, believes that the team ’ s normal physical style worked well However, she also thinks that the team could have created more goal opportunities and played more offen-

“I joined the rush a lot to try to create more scoring opportunities and got lucky scoring early in the third,” she said

Colgate fought back the entire period, but was unable to get the puck past sophomore goaltender Paula Voorheis Colgate was forced to pull its goalie at the end of the third period and during the final minute of play, Fulton lobbed the puck across the ice into the empty net to tie down Cornell’s third consecutive win

Cornell had a long week, with this matchup being the third game in five days Despite being a little fatigued, O’Connor is confident in the team ’ s ability to win

“There were some tired players, but I think we all still managed to pull through and get a win no matter how fatigued we were, ” she said

To win, the team focused on playing

defensively and fighting for puck possession

“Team strengths in the game last night included pulling through with a win and battling hard to get it,” O’Connor said “The team focused on D-zone for the most part, winning every battle, protecting our net and most importantly, getting the puck out of our zone ”

This win, along with the two prior, have helped Cornell gain confidence The team is looking forward to its next games against

Minnesota

“I think the team has gained confidence from the past three wins especially after the rough start to our season We are looking forward to our next games It will be a good test playing Minnesota Duluth this coming weekend, which isn’t in our conference,” O’Connor said

Danielle Letourneau can be reached at dletourneau@cornellsun com

L U K E H A G Y

w ra p s a t Tr i l l i u m

1 ) H o w d i d y o u s t a r t p l a y i n g f o o tb a l l ? So i t a l l s t a r t e d i n f i f t h g r a d e I p l a ye d s o c c e r u p u n t i l t h a t p o i n t , b u t a l l [ o f ] m y f r i e n d s we re p l a y i n g f o o t b a l l , s o I f i n a l l y c o n v i n c e d m y m o m t o l e t m e p l a y I p l a ye d t w o ye a r s o f l i t t l e l e a g u e a n d t h e n we n t i n t o m i d d l e s c h o o l f o o tb a l l , a n d I ’ ve b e e n p l a y i n g e ve r s i n c e

2 ) D o y o u h a v e a n y p r e g a m e

s u p e r s t i t i o n s o r r i t u a l s , e i t h e r a l o n e

o r w i t h t h e t e a m ?

I j u s t s t a r t e d t h i s i n t h e l a s t c o u p l e o f ye a r s , b u t b e f o re e ve r y g a m e I g o d ow n

t o t h e o p p o s i t e e n d zo n e a n d t a k e a k n e e

My g r a n d p a p l a ye d f o o t b a l l a t Pe n n a n d h e p a s s e d a w a y i n 2 0 0 4 , s o I g o t o t a l k t o h i m a n d h a ve h i m l o o k o u t f o r m e

3 ) I f y o u c o u l d b e o n a n y o t h e r

C o r n e l l s p o r t s t e a m , w h i c h t e a m w o u l d y o u w a n t t o b e o n ?

I w o u l d p ro b a b l y w a n t t o b e o n t h e

b a s k e t b a l l t e a m I p l a ye d f o o t b a l l , b a sk e t b a l l a n d b a s e b a l l i n h i g h s c h o o l , a n d I re a l l y l i k e d b a s k e t b a l l It’s s u p e r f u n

4 ) W h a t w o u l d y o u s a y i s t h e b e s t m e a l t o e a t o n t h e C o r n e l l c a m p u s ?

O n e o f m y f a v o r i t e s i s g o i n g t o

Tr i l l i u m a n d g e t t i n g a b u f f a l o c h i c k e n

w r a p It’s m y g o t o

Do yo u e a t i t o f t e n ?

S o o f t e n ?

Ye a h

5 ) Yo u r n u m b e r, b o t h i n h i g h

s c h o o l a n d c o l l e g e , h a s b e e n 2 5 Is t h e r e a n y s i g n i f i c a n c e b e h i n d t h a t ?

T h e re ’ s n o s i g n i f i c a n c e re a l l y, b u t w h e n I f i r s t s t a r t e d , m y n u m b e r w a s s e ve n , a n d I d o n ’ t k n ow w h y, b u t I j u s t l i k e t h e n u m b e r 2 5 a s a r u n n i n g b a c k W h e n I w a s i n m i d d l e s c h o o l , I a c t u a l l y w a s 2 5 t o o It’s b e

I u s u a l l y g o t o Si g Nu f o r b re a k f a s t a n d p a c k a l u n c h , b u t i f I d o n ’ t d o t h a t , I a l w a y s g o t o Tr i l l i u m t o g e t a w r a p