09 29 16 entire issue hi res

The Corne¬ Daily Sun

Report:C.U. Lost $280M in Interest Rate Swaps

By JOSH GIRSKY Sun News Editor

A report released by the Roosevelt Institute, Cornell’s first student-run think tank, asserts that the Universtiy may have lost as much as $280 million over the past 16 years due to interest rate swaps

An interest rate swap is a deal that colleges conduct with banks, often when universities issuing debt to raise money The think tank asserts that this financial instrument was a major contributor to Cornell’s $25 million dollar budget deficit in fiscal year 2015

According to the report, Cornell’s $280 million lost was one of the most drastic out of the 19 schools examined in the study

Only Harvard, which lost over a billion dollars but enjoys a significantly greater endowment than Cornell lost more money

Interest rates on debt often correlate with broader national interest rates, but schools would often rather pay a fixed rate because they are less risky, so they buy interest rate swaps from banks

When schools buy interest rate swaps, they promise to pay the banks a fixed interest rate, while the banks pay the variable rate on the debt that the school issued When the variable rate is higher than the fixed rate, the school makes money However, when the variable rate is lower than the fixed rate, schools lose money

Therefore, in 2008 when interest rates plummeted to nearly zero percent and Cornell had bought swaps at four percent the University lost millions of dollars Eighty percent of the deficit in 2015 was due to costs from interest

explained that the numbers are just estimates based on data on the swaps that Cornell provides on its website and the LIBOR rate, which was used as the benchmark variable rate in the swap deals

rate swaps, according to the University Cornell is not alone, however, in losing money on interest rate swaps The report shows that the 19 schools sampled in the report lost approximately $2 7 billion dollars due to swaps and based on a random sample, 58 percent of schools own interest rate swaps

Jack Polizzi ’18, one of the report ’ s contributors,

Firm Proposes Expanding

North Campus Housing

By ANNE SNABES Sun Staff Writer

Cornell

He said that he hopes Cornell will release the actual data on the interest rate swaps

“The thing that we want to see is transparency here,” he said “We want to get answers, figure out why this happened, what we can do to prevent things like this in the

Police Report Stewart Avenue

Several local law enforcement agencies responded to a reported stabbing at 418 Stewart Avenue at approximately 7:43 p m Wednesday, according the Cornell University Police Department

The victim a 27 year old Dryden Resident unaffiliated with Cornell University was visiting someone in the area when he noticed people removing contents from his vehicle, according to an Ithaca Police Department release After an altercation, the victim suffered a knife wound to the leg

The report says witnesses described the perpetrators as two black males One was possibly wearing a red shirt and the other had a “ man bun ” Both fled the scene toward the cemetery in the direction of West Campus and one may have been carrying a semi-automatic hand-gun

The victim was transported to a local hospital for further treatment and is expected to recover CUPD Police Chief Kathy Zoner recommended that people avoid the area, where there was shelter in place, during the search

for the suspect The area was declared cleared at 9:27 p m

The suspects are reportedly still at large Local police have increased patrols in the area and have increased the presence of blue light escorts, according to the report

Interim President Hunter Rawlings called the incident “jolting” and “particularly troubling,” especially after the fatal stabbing of Ithaca College student Anthony Nazaire in August, in an email sent out to the Cornell community

“One act of violence near our campus is one too many, ” he said “I want to assure you that the safety of our campus community is our number one priority, and we are committed to doing all we can to assist the police in bringing those responsible for these crimes to justice, and to taking all available steps to promote the safety and security of our campus

”

Despite rumors to the contrary, police confirmed that there were no additional incidents on campus, Wednesday night Compiled by Josh Girsky

Daybook

Ithaca Mayor Svante Myrick to Speak, Take Questions On the Ithaca Plan

Noon - 1 p m , Willard Straight Hall Memorial Room

Historic Textiles and Clothing Collections and Museums: Historical and Current Day Significance

12:20 - 1:10 p m , G87 Martha Van Rensselaer Hall

IAD Seminar: Political Change and Electricity Access In East Aftica 2:30 - 4 p m , G08 Uris Hall

Alumni Reading

Featuring H G Carrillo ’07, Sally Wen Mao ’12, Adam O’Fallon Price ’14 and Emily Rosko ’03 4:30 p m , G70 Klarman Hall

C U Music: Musicology Colloquium

4:30 - 6 p m , 124 Lincoln Hall

Abrazos: Film Screening Followed by Discussion 5:30 p m , G08 Uris Hall

The Creek Fiddle Dance 11:15 a m , Caldwell Hall

To m o r r o w

Claire McClinton: Labor Leader, Water Warrior, And Champion of Democracy

12:20 p m , Abby and Howard Milstein Auditorium, Milstein Hall

C U Music: Composers’ Forum 1:25 - 3 p m , 316 Lincoln Hall

BME 7900 Seminar: Mert Sabunco 2:30 - 3:30 p m , G10 Biotechnology Building

What’s in a Name: Examining Racial Discrimination In the 21st Century 3:30 - 5 p m , 302 Uris Hall

Ivy League Home Opener: Cornell Women’s Soccer vs Penn 7 p m , 122 McGraw Place

Fuertes Observatory Open House

8 p m - midnight, Fuertes Observatory

After Hours for Students Only: Speakeasy! 9 p m - 1 a m , Johnson Museum of Art

By AELYA EHTSASHAM Sun Staff Writer

Teaching Support Specialist Draws On Experience as Adult Transfer

Teaching Support Specialist David Hartino is especially equipped to make students’ Cornell engineering experiences applicable to the non-academic world; he lived there for decades before reentering the College of Engineering at age 40

“My classmates really didn’t care that I was twice their age, ” Hartinot said of his reintroduction to college life “I got into study groups, I was really welcomed in, and that says an awful lot ”

Hartino briefly attended the University of Buffalo after high school, before leaving to “find my way in the world, because I knew ever ything then, obviously,” as he said sarcastically

He said he ended up spending over 20 years in the workforce before completing his college degree

“I tried restaurant work, then I got a job on a construction site and I was a laborer carrying cinder blocks up scaffolding, hauling lumber,” he said “It doesn't take long to figure out you better learn something, you better get yourself an education in some manner "

Hartino said he remained ambitious, emphasizing the importance of being “hungry ”

“If you work hard and you take responsibility for your actions, you can be promoted,” he said Hartino said he knew construction work was “limiting” and ended up going back to school at Monroe Community College at the age of 38 He went on to graduate from Cornell with an undergraduate degree in mechanical engineering and earned a masters in engineering in 2015

“My math wasn ’ t up to snuff, and that’s pretty humbling right there ”

A Rochester native, Hartino said he was familiar with Ithaca long before he joined the Cornell community “When I was younger [my family and I] would come here for vacations we would go camping, canoeing and hiking,” he said “So to actually end up here in Ithaca is kind of where I wanted to be anyway, strangely enough, although I didn’t plan it to happen that way ” Hartino said he had always leaned toward engineering, beginning with his very first stint in college He explained he just “had to be ready” to pursue the career with commitment

“I thought I was way too old to start an engineering career, but I guess not, because it’s worked out pretty well,” he said Hartino said he was able to attend Cornell because of the Jack Kent Cooke Foundation, which encourages students from state schools and community colleges to apply to selective universities

“I was so far behind that I couldn’t even matriculate into a community college’s engineering program, ” he said

“Just because you ’ re at a state school doesn’t mean you ’ re not smart, you just have to understand the opportunities that are there,” he said Coming to Cornell was a “tough transition,” Hartino said, but “the attitude of the faculty and the student body here was really not one of elite snobbery; it was ‘Come on in the water ’ s fine ’” Hartino also praised the variety of student backgrounds present at the University “I was the diversity,” he said “I was the old man And I think I brought something to it, but I also learned an awful lot from it I wasn ’ t the only one with a story Very often my classmates were like ‘ you wouldn’t believe how I got here’ and I thought ‘ try me ’” Hartino said he developed a stronger motive to succeed while studying at Cornell

“I spent 20 years on a construction site so I know what happens if you don’t do well, and you can do as well as you want here,” he said “Everyone has a plan for success and everyone is really motivated here, and you can ’ t not get caught up in that ”

Hartino currently works as a teaching support specialist, finding fulfillment as a part of the faculty that helped him when he was a student, not too long ago

He explained that his teaching style is “ very unusual in a theoretical based program ”

“Especially in mechanical engineering, sometimes people forget that there’s things that move, and if you open up the hood of your car, there’s an engine in there with gears and grease and cogs and crankshafts,” he explained “Everything we do here is a homework assignment: you turn it in at midnight even if number five isn’t quite done yet, but in the real world things have to work "

Hartino said he integrates his practical background into his teaching methods, recognizing when to move on from purely theoretical outlooks

“I challenge the students every day in every lab exercise to take a look at what we ’ re learning theoretically and what it means to them in the real world,” he said “Instead of answering a question, I will ask you 25 more questions to get you to figure the answer out yourself ”

Hartino said he advocates keeping life in perspective and knowing that the department has the students’ best interests at heart

"Maybe they knocked the ceiling down in your lab two hours before class started and you ’ re really having a rough time,” he said, referring to his own experience amongst the construction on the engineering quad “But even if someone growls at you, you should know that for the people in this department, there’s nothing they won ’ t do for the students ”

Hartino added that being immersed in academia “keeps you young ” and “keeps you open for new things and keeps you growing ”

“When you ’ re the superintendent on a job site you become old fast,” he said “Here, everyone ’ s 20 years old and there’s this energy and embracing of everything that is new and is moving, and if you embrace that, then it keeps you young ”

Aelya Ehtsasham can be reached at aehtsahsham@cornellsun com

C.U. Dems Call Clinton Debate Winner; Repubs Regret Johnson Absence

By REBECCA EVEN Sun Staff Writer

After one of the most watched presidential debates in history, Cornell Democrats reaffirmed their support for Former Sec of State Hillary Clinton while members of Cornell Republicans expressed regret that Gary Johnson was barred from participating Troy LeCaire ’17, co-founder and copresident of Cornell Political Union, said Clinton’s composure and preparedness won her the debate, while Trump’s untraditional approach may have been damaging

“It can sometimes be hard to predict how the public will react to presidential debates, but in this case the outcome is clear: Hillary won the debate,” he said “Clinton appeared level-headed, displayed a strong grasp of the issues, and [stuck] to the messages that worked best In contrast, Trump became visibly frustrated as the debate wore on, interrupting Clinton, shouting ‘Wrong!’ into the microphone several times ”

LeCaire said he thinks most voters have already decided what candidate they support and were likely not swayed by the debate, but said Clinton’s success may have helped

her gain a small, valuable lead

“Presidential elections are often decided by a few points, and debates have the potential to swing the election by a slim but deciding margin,” he said “Expect a small twoto-four point bump for Clinton in the next week or so ”

between two 10 year olds instead of a presidential debate The fact that these two individuals are our presidential candidates still baffles me ”

McLaughlin added he was disturbed by Clinton shift still farther to the left in economic policy

The Cornell Republicans viewed the debate as more of a stalemate Chair Olivia Corn ’19 said she was not surprised by the debate, and expressed her disappointment with both parties’ nominees Executive Director Austin McLaughlin ’18 said that Clinton “managed to interject at least some policy points ”

“In my opinions, both candidates appealed to their base and reinforced voters ' preexisting views,” Corn said “ Trump emphasized that this was a change election and Clinton emphasized that Trump lacks the qualification to be president However, I felt that I was watching an argument

“The debate indicated to me that Hillary Clinton is not the moderate she has portrayed herself to be,” he said “She discussed wealth inequality as if taking a page from Bernie Sanders' playbook Unfortunately, her progressive rhetoric has only become more left-leaning as a result of Bernie, which has left me feeling even more turned off by her candidacy ” McLaughlin said he is “jaded by this election cycle” and Corn said that the debate did not change her views on either candidate, except to “further [her] hatred of Clinton ” Both expressed their support of Libertarian Gary Johnson, who the Cornell

Republicans have endorsed They agreed that it was unfair that although the candidate has been polling nationally within a margin of error of 15 percent, and above 20 percent in some states he was not permitted to participate in the debate The Commission on Presidential Debates requires candidates to poll a minimum of 15 percent in five national surveys before they are allowed to debate

McLaughlin said Johnson would have offered a valuable point of view if he had been allowed to debate, and criticized the CPD for dismissing third-party options

“Having Johnson as the voice of reason on that stage I think would have caused Americans to give him a real chance,” he said “But he was preemptively denied by the Commission on Presidential Debates, a private non-profit run by Republicans and Democrats with no vested interest in entertaining a third party on the stage ” Kevin Kowalewski ’17, the president of the Cornell Democrats, said that the debate showed that Trump is “erratic,” “incompetent, ” and unprepared for the presidency,

Report: C.U. Lost Millions In Interest Rate Swaps

SWAPS Continued from page 1

future and hopefully actually get Cornell to release documents pertaining to these swaps so we can really take a look at what happened ”

He added that interest rate swaps are zero-sum deals because either the banks lose money or the schools lose money That system presents a problem when the banks have a lot more people to predict how the Federal Reserve will set interest rates, which the LIBOR rate is strongly correlated with

instruments like this, so right away you have an information asymmetry which makes it relatively easy for the banks to take advantage of schools,” he said

Joanne DeStefano, executive vice president and chief financial officer at Cornell, said the University has historically had a good track record in strategies designed to minimize interest paid on debt

“The great recession affected these swaps in a negative way.”

J o a n n e D e S t e f a n o

“It’s to some degree unavoidable because you have one party whose entire business model is based around understanding credit markets, Fed watching, trying to predict where the economy is going to go and then you have schools where that’s not their job at all,” Polizzi said

He pointed out that banks can take advantage of their resources to make money off of schools and said some of the interest rate swaps that schools have bought are set for 30 years, much longer than swaps sold to any other type of institution

“[Schools] have an investment committee which is maybe a few people who are not versed in

“ H o w e v e r , in a plan designed to manage the

U n i v e r s i t y ’ s long-term capital plan in the most cost-effective manner, the University entered into certain interest-rate swap agreements in 2006 and 2007,” she said “As with all financial instruments, swap agreements carry with them a degree of market risk; the great recession affected these swaps in a negative way ”

Despite DeStefano’s comments, Polizzi found records of swaps from other years besides just 2006 and 2007 In addition, he found that the results of the swaps has been extremely negative According to the report, the total loss to colleges from these deals could pay for tuition for 108,000 students across the country

Josh Girsky can be reached at jgirsky@cornellsun com

Cornell Democrats Praise Clinton Debate Performance

identifying Clinton as the clear winner

“Hillar y Clinton was calm, knowledgeable, and eloquently put forth her plan for our country, ” he said “The debate was one of the most watched in American history, and polls show that Hillary Clinton

d e c i s i v e l y won ” A c c o r d i n g to Kowalewski, the debate

a l l o w e d Clinton to build her lead in the race

“I'd like to see a moderator ask each candidate very pointed questions,” he said “Donald Trump was asked follow-up questions six times, while Hillary Clinton was never grilled with that kind of scrutiny ”

LeCaire said he would be interested to hear more questions involving foreign policy in the next debate and expects Trump to prepare more intensively

“We will do whatever it takes to prevent Trump from becoming president”

K e v i n K o w a l e w s k i ’ 1 8

“ The race remains competitive,” he said “But after Monday night, I'm increasingly confident that we ' re headed for a Clinton victor y in November ”

The Cornell Democrats plan to travel to Pennsylvania to canvas for Clinton, Kowalewski said

“ The Cornell Democrats are committed to action,” he said “We will do whatever it takes to prevent Tr ump from becoming president ”

Ir vin McCullough ’18, First Vice Chair of the Cornell Republicans, said he would like to see Clinton asked more challenging questions by the moderator in future debates

“I'd like to hear more questions on foreign policy, especially regarding the crisis in Syria I expect the next two debates if Trump participates to be less decisive,” he said “Trump hates losing, so I could see him finally putting his nose to the grindstone and preparing ”

LeCaire also said he expects Clinton’s strategy to remain unchanged, given her success during the debate

“I expect Clinton to plug along, business as usual,” he said “Her strong debate performance will go a long way to quiet the nerves of some on the left who watched her poll numbers fall steadily since her post-convention highs ”

Rebecca

com

Consultants Discuss Housing Sophomores on North Campus

HOUSING

Continued from page 1

living area, while the rest of rest of North campus would remain reser ved for freshman

Stern identified several goals for the project including finding a better environment for first year students than current residential facilities and accommodating more sophomores on campus

The Division of Student and Campus Life conducted a sur vey about undergraduate housing in March Stern said 88 percent of sophomores reported a desire to live on campus, while only 70 percent of them secured on-campus housing

“ We heard a lot from students over the course of the last nine months about broken friendships and intense periods of stress and anxiety about where students will live,” Stern said

Another problem Stern addressed is that some first and second year students do not live in “appropriate housing ” He listed the townhouses as an example of such a living environment

“Developmentally, you’d ideally want to see first years in a more engaged, less-isolated, more social environment where there are opportunities to engage with and meet more students than just a few in the townhomes,” Stern said “ The physical product doesn’t match the demographic that’s living there ”

St e r n s a i d i t i s a n o t h e r “ s u b - o p t i m a l

f

tion” that some students living on North campus must live in

pus housing has raised the rent of living arrangements off campus, including in Collegetown, and has also made the area more crowded

“One of the aspirations here is that by building more capacity and accommodating more students on campus, we can release a little bit of the pressure through that valve and tr y to have a moderating effect on rents in town, ” Stern said Stern also said U3 Advisors plans to accommodate enrollment growth, assuming that Cornell will continue to gradually increase its class sizes in the future

Adidi Etim-Hunting, the re

during that year of renovation

“Many women want to live in Balch,” Etim-Hunting said “I know for some women they live in Balch due to cultural and religious reasons Please keep this in mind when considering changing housing options for students ”

Ryan Lombardi, vice president for student and campus life, emphasized the need for campus discussions about the housing plan

“We need to have a lot of campus conversations to understand what we actually want to do ”

Jameson and High Rise 5, asked at the forum if more parking would be added on campus in the place of the CC lot, where she said a lot of students park

Stern was not certain whether there would be any parking left in the CC lot after construction

“As the plans become further clarified, Cornell will need to study transit options and parking supply and demand,” Stern said

“Developmentally, you’d ideally want to see first years in a more engaged, lessisolated, more social environment ”

T o d d S t e r n

Stern said there are also students who have to live program houses even though they did not request to be a part of them

“It’s a challenge for the students who are placed there who weren ’ t seeking out that particular affinity group, ” Stern said “It’s also a challenge for the community themselves who are looking to build affinity around some animating idea ”

Stern addressed how the “strained capacity” of on-cam-

Leslie Meyerhoff, the director of student affairs assessment and planning, said Appel fields will be kept alive in the future, but the area will be restructured

"In the process of shifting Ap p e l Fi e l d s t o p r ov i d e a development site, we want to explore ways to extend the life of the fields, potentially by incorporating turf and new lighting," said Danielle Borden, U3 Advisors senior associate

Stern said they may also renovate multiple dorms, including Balch, which could force students to live in another building for a year One participant at the forum asked whether students in Balch would still be able to live in an all-female living environment Stern said it has not yet been finalized if all-female housing would be available

“ We need to have a lot of campus conversations with our s

with our staff to understand what we actually want to do,” Lombardi said “Our consult

opportunities ”

He added that he hopes decisions will follow these ideas promptly

“My sense is that this is a ver y urgent issue for us oncampus and off-campus,” Lombardi continued “So I would love for us to have some resolution during this academic year so we can start the implementation as quickly as possible ”

Anne Snabes can be reached at asnabes@cornellsun com

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ILaugh About It, Shout About It

about this devolution? Not a whole lot A few ineffectual pleas to keep it short and move on Which obviously Trump did not follow I almost began to feel bad for Lester It was just a little too easy to shut him down I appreciate his efforts to correct Tr ump when he blatantly denied claiming China fabricated global warming (isn’t it comforting that so many political candidates give our environment such serio

exception to the night, not the rule In any case, it clearly wasn ’ t effective

SUZY PARK ’18 Video Editor C o n n o r ’ s C a r t o

love Lester Holt Sure, he may not be Brian Williams, with all his ineffable charm and Clooney-esque eye sparkle, but I trust him to deliver me the nightly news in the bland and middle-of-the-road fashion I’ve come to expect from NBC His nightly news segment is analogous to mashed potatoes, comforting and not the worst thing for you, but certainly lacking in a lot of key nutrients Will NBC Nightly news tell you about the current situation in Mosul? Perhaps, but they will also give equal if not greater airtime to an old woman who’s dedicating her time to painting a mural at the local YMCA Does it touch my heart and make me feel good inside? Obviously But is it the nightly national news ’ job to give us these personal interest stories when it could be informing us of actual current events? I don’t think so So, NBC’s decision to make Lester Holt moderator of the presidential debate gave me pause

Now, I understand the importance of having a moderator who does not pick fights with the candidates or shout over them I want to watch the candidates debate, not the moderator However, they have to do more than Lester did The media cannot continue to let any politician steamroll them or get away with false

Trump’s or for that matter Hillar

h e ’ s good, but can he handle the c

would be the

By Connor Uretsky

n Hillar y Clinton and Donald Trump? On one side, a woman with an intimidating wealth of national and international policy experience, and on the other a man who will say literally anything that pops into his mind If Gar y Johnson were there to provide a degree of comic ignorance, what with his ignorance of Aleppo and his belief that global warming is largely unimportant because one day the sun will swallow the Earth, I might have had a bit more confidence in Lester But he wasn ’ t, and ever yone expected something ugly to happen

Which, rather unsurprisingly, it did Undeniably on the side of Trump I don’t care who you ’ re voting for, belligerently shouting “ wrong ” in the middle of someone ’ s speech is simply an artless comeback Clinton could have been claiming fluoride is added to the water to keep the population subdued; he’d still look like a petulant child interrupting after so many times It’s not strength, it’s stupidity Not that I want to give too much credit to Clinton’s speaking abilities; her wooden, constr ucted demeanor again made me pine longingly for President Obama’s Al Greene impression We’ll miss you, Barr y But at least Clinton never got close to the sort of temper tantrums Trump demonstrated And what did NBC and Lester Holt do

back, then do it If they speak too long and ignore the moderator’s call for moving on, then cut their mic What respect do we owe them when they are so comfortable lying to us, or when they ignore the rules of the debate? Why are we so content to just shrug our shoulders and say “oh well, that’s politics?” Hold them accountable They are petitioning us for the job of president, not the other way around

As such, I firmly believe we should let comedians moderate the debate I simply do not believe that current news anchors have the ability to handle such an election Lester, God love him, proved this They’re used to handling hecklers, they can certainly handle politicians I’ve been far more satisfied watching a late night pundit inter view a candidate than I have a prime t

Colbert, Craig Ferguson or Trevor Noah moderating Hell, let Eric Andre do it Because if NBC continues to do nothing about this political incivility, we may as well complete the circle and make the whole thing one big joke

Dwight D. Eisenplower | Guest Room

The Folly of the Ouroboros

Blowing yourself sucks cock I say this from experience, being thin and limber enough that I can reach my penis with my mouth Let’s get a few things clear: it’s only strange that I can actually do it, not that I’ve tried Ever y man has tried to blow himself at one point or another Fact: your dad has tried to blow himself Fact: So have your grandfather, your brother, the ice cream man and Ronald Reagan (Oh, sorr y I forgot to say “trigger warning ” If you are upset, just tr y not to think about any of the men in your life hunched over, sticking their lips out in a fevered attempt at making orogenital contact ) There’s even a word for blowing yourself: “autofellatio ” It comes from the Greek autós (meaning “self ”) and the L a t i n f e l l a re ( m e a n i n g “ t o s u c k” ) Personally, I prefer the more down-toearth word “zeroing,” a term of my own invention Basically, if the number 69 looks like two people going down on each other, then certainly a 0 looks like a guy encircling upon himself

I can only imagine that tr ying and failing to blow yourself is a frustrating experience If so, I am here to tell you that you ’ re not missing out on much There are essentially three major rea-

s o n s w h y b l ow i n g yourself is not worth the trouble The first is the shame Nearly the

same exchange pans out ever y time I mention my talent to somebody First they don’t believe me, so I bend for ward quickly to illustrate the general picture Once they’re convinced that I’m telling the truth, the questions start “So are you missing a rib, or do you just have a big penis?” That’s not even the climax of the

c o n v e r s a t i o n Sp e a k i n g o f c l i m a x , i t ’ s around here that they lower their voice as a look of mild disgust crosses their face “So, do you ever ” they begin to ask “No,” I answer, because I already know what they’re going to say

Some people will bring up the limerick I’m talking, of course, about the man from Nantucket (whose dick was so long he could suck it, we ’ re led to believe) As a matter of fact, I’ve written my own, more accurate limerick on the subject:

There once was a man from the sticks

Who was able to suck his own dick

But it tasted like grime

And it screwed up his spine

Now he’s hunchbacked at age 26

This brings me to my second point, which is that it hurts The minimum amount of required folding, bending and oscillation are more suitable to a pretzel or a pipe cleaner than to vertebrae and ligaments If you get off sexually on neck pain, you ’ re honestly better off just choking yourself With your hands, I mean

The third and most controversial reason I don’t like blowing myself is that it’s too gay Don’t get me wrong; I’ve ejaculated in the presence of men and women alike I’m certainly not opposed to doing things on the basis that they might be gay What I mean to say is that autofellatio feels more like you ’ re sucking a cock than getting your cock sucked You know how you can ’ t tickle yourself? It’s like that You may object here Surely autofellatio is a masturbator y act, and surely a masturbator y act cannot be gay or straight since there’s no partner involved I beg to differ If, during the Lewinsky hearings, Bill Clinton could argue that oral sex isn’t technically sex, then certainly blowing yourself isn’t technically masturbation Regardless, playing games with the semantics of masturbation and gayness overlooks a critical fact Insofar as a solid blowjob entails solid eye contact, autofellatio cannot constitute a solid blowjob without the aid of a precariously balanced mirror The intrepid autofellator also misses out on the subtle pleasantr y of gentle nutsucking, since from his point of view his nuts are upside-down There is perhaps one benefit of being able to autofellate Somebody who can blow himself should, in theor y, also be able to lick the clitoris of a lady while simultaneously having penis-in-vagina sex with her I’ve tried this twice without success (There is an obvious male-on-male ana-

logue which I have not attempted ) Both partners reacted with the same curious albeit skeptical hopefulness: “Sure, you can tr y ” I don’t have a name for this act yet “Cunnilintercourse” could work, but I am open to suggestions I can ’ t help but suspect that my fer vent exposé has not swayed anybody with a penis Odds are you still wish you could suck yourself off at least once “How?” I hear you plead Against my better judgement, I’ll wrap up with a few pointers I promise you’ll regret it If you can ’ t reach your penis by bending for ward directly, you’ll need to use gravity to your advantage Start by lying on your back, and then kick your legs up over your head It will help to do this in the evening rather than in the morning, since you’ll be warmed up from moving around throughout the day It will also help if you have a big penis This is not required, but ever y inch of shaft length is an inch through which you don’t have to contort your spinal column If you are successful, make sure to unfold yourself nice and slowly when you ’ re done Congratulations, you just blew yourself Take an ibuprofen, brush your teeth and pretend it never happened

Dwight D Eisenplower is a student at Cornell Comments may be sent to associate-editor@cornellsun com Guest Room appears periodically this semester

About a year ago I encountered my first small penis

After what was by far one of the best fucks of my life, I wrote a column to spread the word that it’s not about the size of the boat but about the motion of the ocean: how good sex is depends more on how the guy “ moves ” than on the size of his dick I return to this subject, some time and couple of sexual partners later, with my views slightly shifted I had reached the conclusion that motions trumps size but that big dicks are still more enjoyable But then, along came a fellow who had both a sturdy boat and eloquent motion, and I realized I don’t like big boats

Let me set the scene for you Mid-June, humid Ithaca apartment, around 1 a m My roommates and I decide to throw a housewarming party to which we each invited whoever we knew staying in Ithaca over the summer The result of course was our apartment overflowing with very horny drunk college boys I found myself in deep conversation with a football player trying to convince me that Stephen Curry outperformed LeBron James in NBA finals, an argument we agreed to settle over Jell-O shots

As the night went on, I was increasingly attracted to the 6’3”, broad shouldered young man sitting across from me, looking deep into my eyes and laughing at my pathetic basketball jokes I gave up tr ying to look away from his protruding shoulder muscles and pecs, and particularly from his back when he stood up to talk to his friends I just sat back on the couch gawking at his muscles move against his tight-fitted t-shirt as he ran his hand through his hair He turned and caught me staring so I just giggled and sipped on my drink, already mentally undressing him Fast for ward through another boring half hour or so while his teammates and a bunch of other superfluous guests left we ’ re lying in my bed now, our legs hanging off the side, watching the pattern my fair y lights make on

my ceiling He nears closer to me and hauls himself up, towering on top of me with a leg on either side of my body He is huge above me as he rips his shirt off and lowers himself down to kiss me He slides down my neck kissing my chest as he pulls my shirt over my head and starts making his way down He sits back on his knees as he pulls down my pants and panties and pushes my legs apart Smiling, he brings his mouth in, searching for my clit and begins to perfectly outline it with his tongue I grab onto his hair, the blanket next to me, my legs, my nipples, my hair, writhing as he holds my legs apart with this firm grip I’m breathing hard as he pulls away and

ing weaker tr ying to hold me up against him and there was no way I was going to have the energy to be on top I thought practically so I switched it up to a blowjob but soon realized that unless I was willing to do deep throat for a good long while there was no way this kid was going to cum any time soon (maybe ner ve endings aren ’ t long enough to cover such a huge surface area) So he did his thing, flipping me around this way and that, reverse upside-down cowgirl, positions 3, 45, 75, 34, 23, 56 of the Kama Sutra with variations and what not and I just wasn ’ t feeling it Of course I was literally feeling it, like a LOT, but I found myself desperately searching for any signs of an orgasm Noticing new things during sex like that smudge on the top left corner of my ceiling I couldn’t remember if I included in my maintenance report when I moved in After a couple more changes of position and faked orgasms, he was finally done too and we went our separate ways

stands to unbutton his pants In one swift, effortless motion, he scoops me up and rotates me on the bed, climbing over me

And then I saw it, erect in all it’s glor y, easily the size of large pepper grinder you know, the ones they bring around in fancy restaurants when they ask if you want your soup seasoned I don’t do physics, lubrication, volumes, capacities etc but with any common sense that I had, I could tell you that was not going to be a smooth entrance no matter how this kid maneuvered my body I thought back to Brazilian waxing, dentist and IUD inserting breathing techniques as he positioned himself for battle I arched my back and breathed in as I felt him press inside me I could feel my body pushing back against the massive invasion but I also of course wanted him to keep fucking me With ever y thrust I could feel my legs grow-

So what went wrong? In a situation where he knew how to move, how to fuck, how to hold me, how to flip me, was SO hot, where ever ything should have been perfect, why did I pretty much enjoy nothing? My conclusion was the constriction of movement that resulted from the massiveness of his dick There was simply no way for him to maneuver himself in a way that he could fuck me hard enough while reaching all the intricately woven pleasure spots inside me

So I’m going to be the outlier and advocate for smaller, more operable penises that I can suck and fuck while feeling comfortable that they can adequately explore all my o p e n i n g s s m o

entrances

The Duchess is a student at Cornell Comments can be sent to associate-editor@cornellsun com Between the Sheets appears periodically this semester

Bringing Meaning

To BLM at Cornell

Ta n y a w e e k e n d o f

h o m e c o m i n g c e l e b r a t i o n s , w a s f o r o t h e r s a t i m e t o g r i e v e a n d

r e f l e c t u p o n r a c i a l i n j u s t i c e s i n A m e r i c a D e s p i t e t h e s u c c e s s o f t h e p r o t e s t , t h e b a c k l a s h t h a t r e s u l t e d r e v e a l e d d i v i s i o n s a m o n g

o u r c o m m u n i t y w h e n i t c o m e s t o r a c e p e r s p e c t i v e s A n e v e n t t h a t s h o u l d h a v e e n h a n c e d c o m m u n i t y m e m b e r s ’ u n d e r s t a n d -

i n g s o f t h e i r p e e r s ’ s e n t i m e n t s i n s t e a d h i g h l i g h t e d a p r o b l e m a t i c i n t e r p r e t a t i o n o f t h e B l a c k L i v e s M a t t e r m o v e m e n t “ T h e B L M c r o w d i s w o r t h l e s s W h e r e i s t h e o u t r a g e a t a l l t h e

b l a c k - o n - b l a c k k i l l i n g ? ” “ Pe t i t i o n : a n y o n e p r o t e s t i n g i m m e d i a t e l y l o s e s t h e i r s c h o l a r -

s h i p / l o a n s / g r a n t s a n d h a s t o p a y o u t o f p o c k e t ( w i t h f u l l t u i t i o n

d u e i n 1 5 d a y s ) ” “ B u n c h o f i d i o t s ! W h e r e w e r e t h e y w h e n a b l a c k p e r s o n w a s

m u r d e r e d o n c a m p u s ? ( p r e s u m a b l e b y s o m e o n e e l s e w h o i s b l a c k , a l t h o u g h n o d e t a i l s o f t h a t ) I d o n ’ t c a r e w h o d i d t h e m u rd e r i n g ( b l a c k , w h i t e , a s i a , p u r p l e ) t h a t i s w h e n B L M s h o u l d

h a v e p r o t e s t e d ! C o r n e l l n e e d s t o s t a r t t e a c h i n g t h e s e s t u d e n t s I n s t e a d o f c o n s i d e r i n g ‘ m o r e l i b e r a l a r t s , ’ m a y b e t h e s e s t u d e n t s n e e d m o r e m a t h / p h y s i c s / b i o / c h e m / c s - s o t h e y a c t u a l l y h a v e t o s i t a n d s t u d y i n s t e a d o f w a s t i n g t i m e ! ”

T h e s e w e r e r e s p o n s e s t o t h e r e c e n t Su n a r t i c l e c o v e r i n g Fr i d a y ’ s p r o t e s t C o m m e n t e r s w e r e q u i c k t o c r i t i c i z e s t u d e n t s , f a c u l t y m e m b e r s a n d a d m i n i s t r a t o r s f o r v o i c i n g t h e i r c o n c e r n s r e g a r d i n g t h e r e c e n t k i l l i n g s I n d o i n g s o , t h e y o v e r l o o k e d i m p o r t a n t r a c i a l e l e m e n t s o f t h e m o v e m e n t

A s a r e c e n t Vo x a r t i c l e p h r a s e d i t , t h e d e a t h o f Te r e n c e

C r u t c h e r i s “ B l a c k L i v e s M a t t e r 1 0 1 ” I n e x p l a i n i n g t h e e v e n t s

v i e w s . T h e y d i d , h o w e v e r , s e e k r e s p e c t f r o m

t h e C o r n e l l c o m m u n i t y . M o r e o v e r , t h e y

d e s e r v e d c o m p a s s i o n

t h a t c u l m i n a t e d i n C r u t c h e r ’ s d e a t h , a Vo x r e p o r t e r w r o t e , “ [ t h e ]

i n t e r a c t i o n r e p o r t e d l y b e g a n b e c a u s e C r u t c h e r ’ s c a r b r o k e d o w n

A s p o l i c e r e s p o n d e d t o t h e s c e n e o f t h e s t a l l e d v e h i c l e a n d

C r u t c h e r f o l l o w e d i n s t r u c t i o n s t o h o l d h i s h a n d s o v e r h i s h e a d ,

a n o f f i c e r c a n b e h e a r d o n v i d e o s a y i n g h e l o o k e d l i k e ‘ a b a d

d u d e ’ S e c o n d s l a t e r, h e w a s l y i n g i n a p o o l o f b l o o d "

A s Vo x n o t e s , t h e r e w e r e n o d i s t r a c t i o n s w h e n i t c a m e t o

Te r e n c e C r u t c h e r ’ s d e a t h T h e v i c t i m h a d n e i t h e r c o m m i t t e d a

c r i m e , n o r w a s h e s u s p e c t e d o f o n e C r u t c h e r w a s n o t s e l l i n g

u n t a x e d c i g a r e t t e s a t t h e t i m e o f h i s m u r d e r o r d r i v i n g a r o u n d w i t h a b r o k e n t a i l l i g h t H e d i d n o t s t r u g g l e w i t h a n o f f i c e r o r r u n a w a y W h i l e t h e s e f a c t s d i d n o t m a k e t h e k i l l i n g s o f E r i c G a r n e r, M i k e B r o w n o r S a n d r a B l a n d a n y l e s s h e a r t f e l t , t h e y d i d a d d t o p o l i t i c a l d e b a t e a n d p u b l i c c o n f u s i o n T h e s e d u b i o u s f a c t s a r e s i m p l y n o t f o u n d i n t h e c a s e o f Te r e n c e C r u t c h e r Pr o t e s t e r s g a t h e r e d o n Fr i d a y t o h i g h l i g h t r a c i a l i n j u s t i c e s h a p p e n i n g a c r o s s t h e n a t i o n y e t f e l t r i g h t h e r e a t C o r n e l l T h i s m o v e m e n t d i d n o t p u r p o r t t o u n d e r m i n e t h e s i g n i f i c a n c e o f b l a c k - o n - b l a c k c r i m e M a r c h e r s d i d n o t i n t e n d t o d i s p a r a g e t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f h o n o r i n g l i v e s l o s t i n t h e It h a c a c o m m u n i t y Fu r t h e r m o r e , t h e p r o t e s t e r s w h o m a r c h e d o n Fr i d a y d i d n o t s e e k u n i t y f r o m t h o s e h o l d i n g d i v e r g e n t v i e w s T h e y d i d , h o w e v e r, s e e k r e s p e c t f r o m t h e C o r n e l l c o m m u n i t y Mo r e o v e r, t h e y d e s e r v e d c o m p a s s i o n H e r e a t C o r n e l l w e c h e r i s h t h e n o t i o n o f p r o v i d i n g a c a r i n g c o m m u n i t y f o r s t u d e n t s , f a c u l t y m e m b e r s , e m p l o y e e s , a n d a l u m n i f r o m a l l w a l k s o f l i f e H o w e v e r, w h e n c o m m u n i t y m e mb e r s a r e s o q u i c k t o t r i v i a l i z e t h e s e n t i m e n t s o f o u r s t u d e n t s ( b e c a u s e t h e y l a c k a c o m p l e t e u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f t h e i s s u e a t h a n d , o r h a v e n o d e s i r e t o l e a r n m o r e a b o u t i t ) , t h i s u n d e r m i n e s a k e y a t t r i b u t e o f C o r n e l l D i v e r s i t y d r i v e s o u r Un i v e r s i t y T h e d i v e r s e b a c k g r o u n d s a n d p e r s p e c t i v e s t h a t t h a t o u r s t u d e n t s a n d f a c u l t y b r i n g t o C o r n e l l p r o m o t e i n n o v a t i o n a n d e n a b l e u s t o c o m p e t e i n a g l o b a l i z e d s o c i e t y T h e b a c k l a s h t h a t t h e s e p r o t e s t o r s f a c e d w a s u n d o u b t e dl y d i s c o u r a g i n g T h i s l a c k o f r e s p e c t a n d c o m p a s s i o n s t i f l e s o u r p r o g r e s s i v e c a m p u s c u l t u r e , w h i l e b e l i t t l i n g t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f r a c e a n d s o c i a l i s s u e s t h a t r e m a i n p e r v a s i v e i n s o c i e t y t o d a y

L e t u s b u i l d u p o n o u r c a r i n g c o m m u n i t y I n d o i n g s o , w e

m u s t b e o p e n t o l e a r n i n g m o r e a b o u t i s s u e s t h a t m a y n o t d i r e c t -

l y a f f e c t u s , b u t s e v e r e l y i m p a c t o u r p e e r s

Web

Comme n t of

the day

“It is not like women go ‘oh yeah’ I have to go get sanitary supplies If the cost of condoms are free the cost of this should be as well You choose to shave, take a shower, brush your teeth I don’t think women asked to have a monthly cycle.”

Great Idea Re: “Student Assembly ‘Free Tampon’ Referendum Passes With Over whelming Support,” News September 29, 2016

This Again

Thispast Saturday night, during homecoming weekend, my friends and I were going down to the commons to get some food Two of us had been studying for a prelim we had on Monday, so we were pretty tired I had actually forgotten that it was homecoming weekend due to my own amount of stress and other reasons that made me not want to actively participate in this weekend’s festivities

A big reminder I had was when my friends and I saw a group of people in the distance, stumbling and talking very loudly When we got closer, I could see that the entire group was white and one of them, was wearing a sombrero They even had an empty bottle of beer in their back pocket and it looked like they were all headed home after a party It’s easy to assume that I was angry as a result of having to be subjected to this

This wasn ’ t even the first time I had seen a white person visibly drunk and walking to/from a party in a sombrero in the past two weeks alone, but I was still angry I’m not Mexican, but as a Latinx person I am able to see how this hurts a community that I care about and ultimately affects all of those that identify as Latinx The person I saw Saturday night was using the sombrero as a prop, as something “fun” to wear while partying Their understanding of the sombrero’s cultural context is questionable and their understanding of how they are disrespecting an entire community is even more questionable

For them as a white person, it’s cute and probably funny in the context of this past week’s incident, which I’ll address later, but they can take off that hat and they don’t have to walk around with the identity and oppression that it’s tied to This is just one specific example of microaggressions that Mexicans / Xicanxs / Latinxs are subjected to that makes just existing, especially on this predominantly white campus, difficult There have been more verbalized acts of microaggressions towards Latinxs this school year that makes acts like walking around in a sombrero even more difficult to stomach For instance, I was at a party with some of my friends, we ’ re all Latinx/Xicanxs, and some white person said to another white person that “Mexicans are terrorists,” within earshot of me and my friends It wasn ’ t said to us, but was said around us and obviously led to us feeling angry and uncomfortable for the rest of the night Even if it was intended as a joke, which I don’t think it was, it’s definitely not funny As microaggressions, these

actions cause a certain kind of pain for the community, but are uncomparable to much more violent acts of racism and anti-blackness that occur everyday

Finally, we get to the incident last week that I had referred to earlier On Tuesday, September 20, a Cornell Football coach posted pictures of two Cornell football players wearing sombreros to Twitter Along with the images, the tweet said “Eman & Fosta! THE BIG SOMBRERO!” In the images, there are two white football players wearing a sombrero posted by their white football coach The original tweet has since been deleted and the coach who posted it has apologized It was an awful thing that happened, but what made it worse was that the official Cornell University Twitter retweeted it A Twitter account that has 170,000 followers and is meant to serve as a representation of the university retweeted an image in which an aspect of Mexican culture was being used as a prop, as something “fun” to encourage the football players It definitely demonstrates Cornell’s attitude towards its students of color and the “diversity issues” we are constantly facing Personally, I’m upset that there has been no form of public acknowledgement on the part Cornell Football or Cornell University’s administration It appears that whenever something terrible is done, the university tries to sweep it under the rug so that it will eventually blow over and the student body will get over it They are really happy to reach out on a personal basis, which is still important and necessary, but never bring these issues to the campus community’s attention, or at least in a way that brings in those that need to be participating in these discussions We are handled privately because if it were done publicly it would reflect negatively on the university’s image and no one really cares Clearly previous methods of handling situations such as this tweet aren ’ t functioning or else this wouldn’t have happened and I wouldn’t be typing furiously about it Back in 2013, something similar happened with Cornell Football when they attempted to promote their football game on October 5 by entitling the event “Cinco de Octubre ” That was a more severe case that included encouragement for people to wear their best “Mexican costumes ” and other stereotypically racist gestures I’ve been told that there were follow ups to that incident, including some kind of sensitivity or diversity training for the football team If there

wasn ’ t then there definitely should have been That was only three years ago, so there are probably people still on the football team that went through that experience, making it clear that nothing really changed if no one said anything about the use of the sombrero

Aside from that whole bureaucratic mess, the comments on a post made by MEChA (Movimiento Estudiantil Chicanx de Aztlán) where the student organization posted a screenshot of the tweet and said “Cornell University who manages your Twitter page?” It was a pretty simple post with a simple question, but instantly some were saying that the people who run the page and those who were commenting on the post were too sensitive and should get over it There were so many comments that were rude and often made no sense It was clear that they were made by people who were upset by others saying that this was wrong Those who were defending the use of the sombrero were ironically “ too sensitive” to handle being called out on for doing something that isn’t okay Another scary aspect of this is how people were completely ignoring the feelings of certain members of a community If someone in a community is okay with something happening, that doesn’t mean that everyone agrees with that idea If someone is clearly hurt by something, then those feelings should be respected instead of causing people to lash out I didn’t go to homecoming activities this weekend because I didn’t want to support a team or institution that continuously disrespects a specific community Despite that, I still had to witness this in a completely different situation because it is apparent that people on this campus still do not understand what’s wrong with actions like wearing a sombrero when you ’ re not of Mexican descent I’m sure everyone is annoyed and tired of hearing this and I’m really sure that people are tired of saying it So why am I bringing any of this up? It’s just a hat Why am I overreacting? Who am I to ruin a person ’ s fun? I’m not even Mexican, so why do I care? A thrilling summary of comments already said in relation to this issue and the comments yet to have been posted on this column You’re only making these comments because I’m telling you something isn’t okay and you ’ re evidently not willing to listen

Sarah Zumba is a junior in the College of Arts and Sciences She can be reached at sez29@cornell edu Zumba Works it Out appears alternate Wednesdays this semester

By JAMIE KIM

i t h t h e f a l l we a t he r a p p r o a c h i n g , w h a t we a l l re a l l y w a n t i s a c o m f o r ti n g b ow l o f w a r m p a s t a a n d c h e e s e – e s p e c i a l l y i n t h e m i d d l e o f t h e we e k a f t e r a l o n g d a y o f c l a s s e s To c re a t e t h e s e r i c o t t a g n o c c h i f o r a l l m y f r i e n d s , I t o o k i n s p i r a t i o n f ro m t h e t e c hn i q u e t h a t c h e f s Da n i e l Hu m m a n d Ap r i l Bl o o m f i e l d u s e T h e y c re a t e d e l i c a t e g n o c c h i w i t h a ve r y t h i n p a s t a s h e l l o n t h e o u ts i d e , b re a k i n g t h e m t o re ve a l a r i c o t t a f i l l i n g t h a t n e a r l y e x p l o d e s i n y o u r m o u t h W h e re a s m o s t r i c o t t a g n o c c h i re c i p e s c a l l f o r k n e a d e d d o u g h , t h i s o n e i s u n i q u e i n t h a t t h e

b a l l s o f s o f t , f l u f f y r i c o t t a a re

l e f t t o s i t u n d e r s e m o l i n a f l o u r f o r a t l e a s t 2 4 h o u r s t o c re a t e

t h e i r c r i s p y s h e l l To m a k e u s e o f f a l l p r o d u c e , I p a i r e d t h e g n o c c h i w i t h a w a r m a c o r n s q u a s h p u r é e s o p a c k e d f u l l o f f l a v o r t h a t y o u ’ l l w a n t t o e a t i t o n i t s o w n T h e

r o a s t e d t o m a t o e s a d d a s w e e t a n d a c i d i c c o m p o n e n t , b a l a n ci n g t h e r i c h n e s s o f t h e p a s t a

Ho w e v e r, y o u c a n j u s t u s e t h e g n o c c h i r e c i p e a n d p a i r i t w i t h a n y k i n d o f s a u c e o r p e s t o o r e v e n a s i m p l e b r o w n b u t t e r w i t h s h a v e d p a r m i g i a n o o n t o p

R i c o t t a G n o c c h i

P r e p t i m e : 1 0 m i n u t e s

C o o k t i m e : 1 h o u r

M a k e s : 4 0 g n o c c h i

I n g r e d i e n t s : 2 ¼ c u p s we l l - d r a i n e d r i c o t t a 1 e g g ½ c u p g r a t e d Pa r m i g i a n oRe g g i a n o ½ t e a s p o o n s a l t ½ c u p + 2 t a b l e s p o o n s f l o u r Se m o l i n a f l o u r

D i r e c t i o n s : 1 To d r a i n t h e r i c o t t a , l i n e a s t r a i n e r w i t h t h re e l a ye r s o f c h e e s e c l o t h o r p a p e r t owe l s Sp re a d t h e r i c o t t a a c ro s s t h e

c l o t h s , c o v e r a n d p r e s s a we i g h t o n t o p t o b l o t o f f a n y e x t r a m o i s t u re 2 C o m b i n e t h e d r a i n e d r i c o t t a i n a b ow l w i t h t h e e g g , Pa r m i g i a n o - R e g g i a n o , f l o u r a n d s a l t C h i l l t h e d o u g h u n t i l f i r m t o a l l ow e a s i e r s h a p i n g 3 Du s t t h e b o t t o m o f a l a r g e

b a k i n g d i s h w i t h s e m o l i n a

f l o u r Ro l l t h e g n o c c h i d i n t o b a l l s a b o u t 1 ¼ w i d e Tr a n s f e r t o t h e b d i s h a n d re p e a t w i t h t h o f t h e d o u g h , m a k i n g t h e b a l l s a r e n ’ t t o u c A f t e r s h a p i n g a l l t h e g n b u r y t h e m c o m p l e t e l y a d d i t i o n a l s e m o l i n a P w r a p a n d re f r i g e r a t e l e a s t 2 4 h o u r s , a n d n o t h a n 3 d a y s No t e : It i s i m p o r t a n t t o a l l ow t h e s e m o l i n a t o a b s o r b t h e m o i s t u re f ro m t h e r i c o t t a s o t h a t a s h e l l f o r m s A n y u n u s e d g n o c c h i c a n b e f ro ze n t h e n u n t h a we d b e f o re c o o ki n g

I n g r e d i e n t s : ¼ c u p c h i c k e n s t o c k 4 t b s p b u t t e r C h e r r y t o m a t o e s , h a l v e d

Pe a s h o o t s L e m o n j u i c e Pa r m i g i a n o - R e g g i a n o

A c o rn S q u a s h Pu r ée

I n g r e d i e n t s : 2 a c o r n s q u a s h 4 s p r i g s t h y m e 2 g a r l i c c l ove s , s m a s h e d

4 t a b l e s p o o n s b u t t e r

2 t a b l e s p o o n s b row n s u g a r Nu t m e g Sa l t

D i r e c t i o n s : 1 Pre h e a t t h e ove n t o 4 0 0 d e g re e s Cu t t h e t o p s o f f o f

t h e a c o r n s q u a s h a n d s c o o p t h e s e e d s o u t

2 In e a c h s q u a s h , p l a c e t w o s p r i g s o f t h y m e , o n e g a r l i c c l o v e , t w o t a b l e s p o o n s o f b u t t e r a n d o n e t a b l e s p o o n o f b row n s u g a r Du s t a l i t t l e b i t o f n u t m e g i n t o e a c h o n e

3 Ba k e a b o u t 4 5 m i n u t e s o r

u n t i l yo u c a n p u s h a f o rk t h ro u g h S c o o p o u t t h e f l e s h o f t h e s q u a s h a n d b l e n d i n a f o o d p ro c e s s o r u n t i l s m o o t h Ad j u s t w i t h s a l t

D i r e c t i o n s : 1 Wa r m t h e a c o r n s q u a s h

2 B r i n g a l a r g e p o t o f s a l t e d w a t e r t o a b o i l A d d g n o c c h i a n d c o o k u n t i l t h e y f l o a t , a b o u t 3 m i n u t e s W h i l e t h e g n o c c h i a r e c o o k i n g , b r i n g t h e c h i c k e n s t o c k t o a s i mm e r i n a l a r g e s a u t é p a n A d d t h e b u t t e r t o e m u l s i f y O n c e t h e g n o c c h i a r e d o n e , t r a n s f e r t o t h e p a n a n d l i g h t l y g l a z e A d d t h e h a l v e d p l a t e

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

The Candid Man’s Guide to Evil, Humor and Theatre

BY GRIFFIN SMITH-NICHOLS Sun Staff Writer

“Il avait le jugement assez droit, avec l’esprit le plus simple; c ’est, je crois, pour cette raison qu ’ on le nommait Candide ”

Theodicy is the central problem for any incarnation or lyricized reworking of Voltaire’s novella Candide The eponymous character runs the Weltanschauunggamut in his pained, hopelessly naïve g l o b e - t re k k i n g , a l t e r n a t i v e l y s t u m b l i n g into phenomenal luck and misfortune, being swindled out of ever ything he owns or plucking golden pebbles off the streets of Eldorado It is equal parts absurd travelogue and philosophical disenchantment, what the tale of the Buddha would have been if written by a splenetic Frenchman It is an irreverent parable with a moral, a Bildungsroman and, on a 21st centur y stage, a pastiche suprême It lends itself, if one may be so bold, to musical theatre At least, it should

A t t h e H a n g a r T h e a t r e f r o m September 16-18, the Savoyards, originally our own Cornell Savoyards, staged just such a retelling of Voltaire’s classic Of the many extant musical versions of Candide, the Savoyards presented the 1973 version by Harold Prince, itself a reworking of the original by Lilian Hellman and Leonard Bernstein It is, by and large, precisely what one would expect Voltaire’s merciless sarcasm and curmudgeonly progressivism are put on glorio u s d i s p l a y i n t h e p r o d u c t i o n ’

a t c h

G a r y

Moulsdale directs with panache “ The Best of all Possible Worlds,” with its obtuse philosophizing and delightfully gratuitous Latinizing, and “Auto da Fe,”

s u n g b e f o r e a r e l i g i o u s l y z e a l o u s Portuguese lynch mob, are particularly outstanding in t h i s r e g a rd T h e c a s t straightens up rigidly and undulates wildly about the s t a g e i n m o c k r e l i g i o u s i n d i g n a t i o n O n e w o u l d almost expect the songs to be distracting if inserted

i m p r o p e r l y o r i n o p p o rtunely into the narrative; it is testament to Bernstein’s composition and the script

o f Pr i n c e t h a t t h i s i s e n t i r e l y n o t t h e c a s e

While odd at first glance, the songs of Candide bolster the stor y ’ s sense of p u r p o s e r a t h e r t h a n detracting from it

In terms of the cast, i m p r e s s e d i n t o s e r v i c e from Ithacanite choirs or the ever-ready corpus of re c e n t I C a n d Ha n g a r Theatre alumni, there is ver y little in the Savoyards’ production with which one can find fault Andrew Hubson-Sabens in the titular role is well-suited for interpreting the esprit le plus simple of Voltaire’s invention; his eyes bug out at the lecher y and baseness of the world around him, and there is almost an air of the offended puppy about his onstage skulking in the absence of his lover Cunégonde Nick Roscoe lends his almost Gregorian gravitas to the vocal role of Maximilian before being abruptly, and in comical fashion,

killed off (too soon, too soon) Sarah Welden, who covered for the regrettably ill Karen Wonder-Dumont as the aforementioned Cunégonde, in true bel canto fashion takes her voice to soaring places as she inter weaves the tragedy of her sexual violation with the farce of her weakness f o r s h i n y, e x p e n s i v e objects Doug Matthews as Pangloss, the philosophical e q u i va l e n t o f a n o s t r i c h w i t h i t s h a p p

head in the sand, infuses a nasally schoolmaster persona with a considerable amount of pathos, as his schema of the utter beneficence of the natural world unravels in the face of his travails Foremost amongst

Voltaire, the stor y

s narrator and an occasional participant in its action With

resemblance to the French

simism Even if Westphalian characters are rescued from the maw of death with a similar sleight of hand as they are in the musical, and even if Candide philoso-

with a scrupulous propriety, and sporting a Ciceronian upturned nose and pursed lips which maintain a bleak, grim levity with tremendous theatrical maturity

It is on this last word, however, that Candide as told by the Savoyards as a whole encounters a stumbling block that

Maturity It is impossible for a modern audience to understand how subversive Candide was for its time, despite what the Savoyards’ program elegantly elucidates

phizes, flees danger and even kills with a similar innocent naiveté in both incarnations, the musical version lacks the essential core of urgency which per vades the n ov e l l a T h e h u m o r i n t h e m u s i c a l

Candide, while black, is comparatively tame to Voltaire’s own, and this is somewhat disappointing

Let us fashion a revue of some of the original’s highlights: Candide attempts or seriously contemplates suicide on more than one occasion Pangloss insists on prattling on philosophically as Candide lies wounded and begging f o r w a t e r i n e a r t hquake-torn Lisbon The slain Grand Inquisitor

T

burned depending on the bitterness of its audience; the most offensive suggestion in it to a modern audience is the suggestion that maybe, just maybe, original sin is not an ironclad certainty Western civilization’s last orgy of book-burning ended in 1945; it is, quite simply put, difficult to understand why anyone would get so worked up over a book that seems remarkably innocuous

The violence and trauma of the original French narrative is striking for its pes-

r e c e i v e s a p r i m a n d proper Christian burial, but the Jew Issacar is u n c e r e m o n i o u s l y

h u r l e d i n t o t h e

Por tuguese water ways, l i k e s o m e i g n o b l e Roman into the Tiber

C a n d i d e u n w i t t i n g l y kills the monkey lovers

o f t w o Pa r a g u a y a n

d e m o i s e l l e s , a n d i s

d e c r i e d b y h i s l o c a l

g u i d e , w h o r e m i n d s him that the animals

a re a q u a r t e r - h u m a n

To be fair, the musical preser ves the novella’s grimly hilarious punchline regarding Candide’s elderly female ser vant, which I do not dare spoil Hubson-Sabens’ Candide is limited to the exhibition of bewilderment and an affronted, romantic sensibility This is true for most of the rest of the play The play’s first half is tightly staged and exciting, in contrast to the more lax second There is an uncomfortably long scene of transvestism whose comedic potential does not seem to have been fully grasped Candide’s repeated reunions and separation from Cunégonde begin to feel less comedically

hapless and more tedious While HubsonSabens performs admirably, one cannot help but think that, given half the chance to experiment, the suicidal, neglected, hasty and often willfully ignor a n t C a n d i d e o

Vo l t a i re ’ s original prose would make a more entertaining companion for the nearly three hours the Savoyards’ production lasts Other problems persist

The unexpected resurrections of several characters, while canonical and faithful to the original text, are not handled particularly well: People simply appear out of thin air and are abruptly reaccepted into the stor y without a hint of irony The actors, by no fault of their own, seem to struggle w

the secret to a happy life is manual labor, seems almost tacked on, once again, witho u

irony One feels almost that the play has not earned the moral absoluteness of its endi n g ,

y “make our garden grow, ” and that this makes life worth living despite the hate, violence, and baseness of the past three hours If the impression the audience gets of Candide is purely that it is a delightful little romp across the globe with an ending that is inappropriately glib in its selfassuredness, some kern of the play’s message and its overall effect is missing Why was the world created? Pour nous f a i re e n ra g e r , re s p o n d s t h e w o r l d - s i c k Manichaean in Voltaire’s original text The rather nebulous catchwords of métaphysic o t h é o l o g o c o s m o l o n i g o l o g i e , a n d cause, effet, and raison suffisante prop up the essential stupidity of Enlightenment optimism which, as our own Cornellian historian Carl Becker once argued, was far more marked by a rigid, medieval search for structure than by the liberated, freethinking empiricism of popular imagination Voltaire decries this in his poem on the 1755 Lisbon earthquake, now generally seen as an ideological prelude to the larger oeuvre of Candide:

“O tristes vérités!/O mélange étonnant de contrariétés!/Un Dieu vint consoler notre race affligée/Il visita la terre, et ne l’a point changée!”

C a n d i d e i

L e i b n i z i a n w i s h y - w a s h y n e s s , o n t h e unthinking ideological flaccidity that presumes, without the grit and self-respect of classical Stoicism, that ever ything is just dandy as it is Candide, as presented by the Savoyards, is fun, well put together and charming in its first act, but the moment it asks its audience to truly think about the implications of its message, that same amusement and humor becomes regrettably muddled and leaves one wanting more, which is, of course, not forthcoming I have no desire to be harsh on what was other wise a well-done show, but these are the thoughts I was inevitably left with I am only being candid

Griffin Smith-Nichols is a sophomore in the College of Arts and Sciences He can be reached at gsmithnichols@cornellsun com

Right Now, Wrong Then: Korean Mumblecore and Deja Vu

An established preoccupation among film directors is how the re-staging of a scene from different perspectives alters the tone, message and experience of an otherwise unchanged plot Whether it’s the strictly formal experimentation of The Five Obstructions or the philosophical interrogation of subjectivity in Rashomon, even the most strikingly distinct auteurs are curious to witness how changes, whether they be subtly atmospheric or obviously performative, redefine the entire message of a scene, an act, or an entire film Korean director Hong Sang-soo’s Right Now, Wrong Then follows the flirtatious courtship of a middleaged arthouse director and a younger painter over the course of a day, before restaging the exact same events with differences both slight and noticeable Having bagged the top prize at Locarno last year, Sang-soo’s latest film is not only an intriguing vehicle of cinematic experimentation, but an eloquent statement on the importance of selflessness in developing meaningful human connection

The first half observes Ham Chun-su, a well-respected Korean filmmaker, visit the city of Suwon, where one of his films is being screened While touring an old palace at the start of his visit, he strikes up conversation with Yoon Heejung, an introverted, attractive young painter, and spends the rest of the day and night with her The first incarnation of these events is relatively nihilistic, betraying a mirthless, aloof detachment toward our protagonists and dismissing their loneliness as unbridgeable Indeed, this first half-tellingly subtitled “Right Then, Wrong Now,” an inversion of the real title, confirms our cynical impression of Chun-su as a middle-aged fuckboy, suggesting that nothing precludes sincere human connection more than self-centeredness

However, it’s when the film repeats itself with variations in both atmosphere and plot that Sang-soo’s formal vision amounts to a captivating experience The primary difference that belies all other ancillary differences in the second half is a change in Chun-su’s attitude He is seemingly less interested in heaping insincere flattery upon Hee-jung and more at ease with presenting an honest, amicable version of

Alpha

Ihimself While the first version of events pessimistically dismisses their day together as ultimately inconsequential with respect to the rest of their lives, we revisit the same events to witness how a fleeting, chance encounter can instead mean something to both, and potentially even persist beyond the final credits The same line, “You’re the first to feel like a true woman to me, ” is repeated in both halves in exactly the same restaurant, but because of Sangsoo ’ s penchant for eliciting significant differences from even the most subtle restaging, that one line carries completely different connotations the second time it’s said Indeed, the film is truly incomplete without its second half, when the correct title “Right Then, Wrong Now” finally pops up, not merely because the latter sheds Chun-su’s redundant narration arguably the film’s most nagging flaw present in the first, but because both halves in tandem illustrate, without a hint of bludgeoning didacticism, the importance of sincerity and openness to establishing a nourishing relationship

The marvelous chemistry between Chun-su and Heejung, respectively performed by Jung Jae-young and Kim Min-hee, electrifies the film throughout, evincing in the first half the necessary discomfort and the tender awkwardness of a burgeoning romance There are comical moments in both halves, but in the first half, it feels as if we are laughing at the characters, while in the latter, the humor evinced feels much more well-spirited, warmly inviting us to laugh without condescension Without giving too much away, for much joy comes from noticing the differences in the second half for yourself, there are some scenes in the second half whose plots are adjusted to border on the absurd

Cornell Cinema

Despite having now only seen just one Hong Sang-soo film, I can already recognize why some label his work “Korean mumblecore ” His artistic vision, which sparingly employs cuts in favor of frequent zooms, quietly metatextualizes his own directorial presence in a way that doesn’t irritate, as in lesser films like Birdman, but instead self-consciously comments on the symbiotic imitation of life and art After all, not only are the two protagonists themselves artists a filmmaker and a painter but the allegations made just a few months ago that Sang-soo himself has been having an affair with Kim Min-hee, who plays Yoon Hee-jung, invites one to potentially regard the fictionalized womanizer in the first half of the film as a vehicle of cinematic confessionalism

As an austere, daring film, Right Now, Wrong Then is a fascinating exercise in formal experimentation, demonstrating how small differences in staging, lighting, dialogue and the like can completely transform the significance of a story To foreigners, it can also serve an ethnographic purpose of exposing us to contemporary Korean culture, examining how courtship throughout the world is subject to the same basic decencies that Sang-soo regards as imperative But most notably, both incarnations of Chun-su and Hee-jung’s relationship together rewardingly demonstrate how a fleeting romance can be nurtured or undone by either the right attitude of compassionate honesty or the wrong attitude of selfcenteredness

Right Now, Wrong Then will be shown at Cornell Cinema this Friday, September 30, and on Sunday, October 2

Lorenzo Benitez is a sophomore in the College of Arts and Sciences He can be reached at llb224@cornell edu

Art Bros, Clitoral Bangers and The Chainsmokers

love The Chainsmokers and I’m fucking bitter about it

I love them the way I love reality television: Deeply and wretchedly, gluttonously and gloriously I love them the way you love a boy who doesn’t know you exist

I’m bitter because The Chainsmokers bought their fame with aural scourge, “#SELFIE,” a laughable gesture at cultural critique (about like, image culture or millennial lifestyle or whatever) that did it’s real work as a femininitybashing reduction of women to jealousy, narcissism and mirror-primping chatter

I’m bitter because Drew Taggart and Alex Pall are spokesboys of a thriving subculture of Alpha art bros, aka standard edition frat bros disguised in a deceptive costume of floral button-ups and Nike Frees, dripping with entrepreneurial smugness; the EDM analogue to the nerdboys with god complexes who start a successful business exploiting a market trend, care a little bit about their product (they refer to their music as “topline” or “deliverables”) but a lot about making stupid amounts money and being very famous; and now want to spit in everyone ’ s faces saying “fuck all y ’all who said we wouldn’t ”

I’m bitter because “Even before success, pussy was number one, ” “It’s always work hard, play hard,” “You’ll never see us getting carried out of a club We’re way too good at drinking,” “Only Justin Bieber and Drake can hold a candle to what we ’ ve done” and “We plucked ourselves from obscurity and then started delivering smashes” are real combinations of words that have come out of their self-obsessed fuckboy mouths

as thoughtless and narratively empty, as they are utterly, meteorically danceable

I’m bitter because their songs make me feel dirty, and a little sick and not sexy enough to be there kind of how I imagine I’d feel if I got trapped inside one of their Instagram posts Their music works so well because (in the oral tradition of Carly Rae Jepsen, praised be her name) it’s assembled for self-insertion: If I close my eyes and fistpump hard enough, I can tug on the taught skin of whichever breathy, warbling pop star has brought their tracks life this week, and get on my knees while The Chainsmokers pour liquor into my mouth

I considered titling this article “A Love Letter To The Chainsmokers; And Every Boy I’ve Ever Hated While Also Wanting Them to Go Down On Me” (before this piece deteriorated from a love letter into a cry for help) This title made sense because their bangers are clitoral in the pure immediacy of their pleasure, and reliably delivered gratification Their songs, which if you were to lyrically mine each one, are literally all about sex, unfold appropriately, just like sex, from the fluttery opening beats, to the pulsing bass line, to the sublime pop orgasm of the drop

I’m bitter because they advertise the alleged length of their dicks on their webpage

But I’m mainly bitter because the fact that I can ’ t not dance my body into smithereens to the music made by their stupid faces with their stupid fade haircuts and stupid hands with expensive watches makes me want to literally drown myself in a kiddie pool of full of a solution of PBR and cum

I’m bitter because they make objectively flawless pop music The Chainsmokers are competent D J s but brilliant engineers of seamless pop euphoria Their flirtatious soundbite, love-song-lite lyrics and crisp candy-colored beats are

But I don’t want to want it I don’t want to get aural-clitoral pleasure from corny, offensive EDM bros

I don’t want to participate in their scruffy-underdogsrise-to-pop-greatness self-written-narrative I don’t want anything to do with it I want to be above The Chainsmokers, but I instead, I am I’m screaming up at them, scrabbling at the glass stage they walk on and wrenching highly-willing friends onto the dance floor when “Don’t Let Me Down” comes on I want to scream at my musical pleasure receptors: “OH NO DON’T YOU DARE, DON’T BETRAY US, COME ON, WE ARE BETTER THAN THIS WE DON’T PUT UP WITH THIS SHIT ANYMORE, WE’RE NOT A FRESHMAN, THIS IS WHY WE STOPPED GOING TO FRAT PARTIES

I could be accused of being a bit of a moralist about musicians; insufferability usually taints music beyond repair for me It’s why I can ’ t listen to Radiohead, Father

John Misty or Lana Del Rey That said, I don’t need to be told that the whole project of problematic faves and holding grudges against artists is futile and arbitrary (I still listen to the Smiths, Panic! at the Disco, Kanye, the occasional Death Grips song, the Beatles and my sweet sweet girl, Azealia Banks, after all)

But I’m petty, and here we are and I don’t think I’ve ever loved a group so specifically problematic and insufferable based on my particular sensibilities, so much, so deeply against my will The particular combination of humans I find sexually and politically repulsive, and the acute nonvolitional physical affect their music has on me, makes for a particularly intense surge of of self-loathing and agony, every time I consider who is singing those stupid, beautiful words, (“Hey I was doing just fine before I met you ”) and spinning that stupid fucking delicious, thrilling beat They’re like kryptonite demons, all coiffed and smug and 500 Days of Summer-loving-but-sympathizing-with-JosephGordon-Levitt, sent down from hell to undo me

Of course, we don’t have to and shouldn’t hold people whose art we ’ re fans of to the moral standards we hold our friends and family, nor expect them to mesh with our politics and sensibilities We don’t have to hang out with them or sleep with them or rely on them to text us back Art debatably doesn’t need to be doing moral, political work; and in addition, the whole investigation is in error, because all we can ever know about the famous is squeezed and filtered through a thousand layers of media mediation

But emotionally, it’s a bit trickier than that; and my bitter love of The Chainsmokers has yet to be explained away by a think piece, telling me to stop worrying about my problematic faves and to stop being so moralistic and boring

Maybe it’s good to have a little sour with our sweet, and to be conscious of the bullshit the people making our favorite beats and weirdly specific references to mid-size south-Western cities, do and say We can comfort ourselves knowing we haven’t bought it completely; that we know exactly what we ’ re getting Listening to The Chainsmokers will always be a little bitter but so, so sweet for me At least, they’ll never let me down

Jael Goldfine is a senior in the College of Ar ts and Sciences She can be reached at jog8@cornell edu Ob j e c t i v i t y Bi t e s appears alternate Thursdays this semester

The Ithaca Adult Hockey Association is celebrating its 17th year in existence and is looking for new men and women to join the league.

The season runs from Mid-October to early March and comprises 26 regular season games plus playoffs. The league has two divisions as follows:

A/B Division and B/C Division

A/B is generally comprised of players with youth travel, high school, junior and/or collegiate experience and tends to be a faster pace. B/C division is comprised of beginner to intermediate le vel players and tends be a slower pace. Both divisions are non-checking and recreational in nature

The league is accepting registrations through October 2nd, but don’t wait too long as it tends to fill up.

Please visit http://www.eteamz.com/iaha/ for more information.

Penn Quakers Obstacle in Way of Red’s Next Victory

Continued from page 16

so you ’ re going to increase your luck the more you take the shot We just need to be shooting

m o r e a n d i n c r e a s i n g o u r chances ”

Cornell made a total of 13 attempted shots, compared to the Blue Devils’ eight attempts

“It became more urgent and more apparent that we needed

t o f i n i s h a n d p u t a w a y t h e

g a m e , ” s a i d s o p h o m o re g o a l -

k

Me g h

Ke n n

“ It may have increased our play I think it may have inspired some attacking ideas from some players that normally wouldn’t ”

T h e R e d h a d a s t r o n g defense as well; Kennedy made four saves in her second career shutout

Never theless, the women still see ways that they can improve

“I think we have the talent, I think we have the players and I think we have the right mindset ” K e n n e d y Y e a r b y

t h e i r g a m e p l a y f o r f u t u r e matchups

“I actually feel like that game was one of my weakest games but it proved that our defense

w a s r e a l l y s t r o n g , ” K e n n e d y said “I could’ve made better decisions coming off my line I could’ve been a better commu-

n i c a t o r w i t h m y b a c k l i n e [ These are] just little instances that I notice in myself ”

K e n n e d y s t re s s e d t h a t t h e team is focusing on upcoming games, and not letting past contests distract them

“ We need to star t looking for ward and stop focusing on the goals we haven’t scored and t h e o p p o r t u n i t i e s w e h a v e missed and the games we have lost,” Kennedy said “[ We need to] think of ever y ne w game as a ne w day ignore the previous games and the previous record and focus on the ne w game ” Looking for ward toward to t h e i r g a m e a g a i n s t Pe n n o n Friday, the team agrees that they do not plan to look back on the team ’ s past record

“I think we have the talent, I think we have the players, and I think we have the right mindset, ” Yearby said “ We’ve played a lot of tough

o p p o n e n t s i n p re s e a s o n s o I

t h i n k w e ’ v e l e a r n e d a l o t t h r o u g h t h a t , a n d C o l u m b i a this weekend was just growing pains,” Kennedy said “ The [Ivy League] games are a lot more d i f f e r e n t , t h e y ’ r e a l o t m o r e i n t e n s e T h e r e a r e p e r s o n a l rivalries we’ll move for ward from here with a lot more confidence and hunger ”

Caitlin Standon can be reached at cs968@cornell edu

Field Hockey to Face In-State Rival

By SARAH PETERS and TROY BRIDSON Sun Staff Wr ters

Homecoming weekend brought out the best and the worst of the Cornell field hockey team, as it fell short to Penn but bounced back against Vermont

The Red lost its first Ivy game of the season to Penn, 1-0 However, the women were nothing short of disappointed, according to head coach Donna Hornibrook

The Quakers came out strong, scoring in the first eight minutes of the game

“Full credit [to Penn’s] hustle, but I didn’t feel like we handled them well,” Hornibrook said “We played arguably our poorest game of the season ”

The women gave up eight penalty corners their highest amount in one game for this season “Eight [penalty corners] is a lot for us ” Hornibrook said

Although Penn was able to capitalize on one corner, the Red defended the other seven very well One player who thrived, despite the play that surrounded her, was junior goalkeeper Kelly Johnson

“She kept us in the game when we were struggling in the circle,” Hornibrook said “She has been playing some of her best field hockey I’ve seen to date ”

Despite the rocky start to the weekend, Cornell came out on Sunday a different team By re-focusing on its strengths and maintaining its composure, the Red awoke ready to fight

“ Ou r w h o l e m e n t a l i t y c h a n g e d , ”

Hornibrook said “We realized we had played poorly and let ourselves down on Saturday and the quality came out ”

This different mindset enabled Cornell to emerge victorious against Vermont, 4-1 Senior midfielder Elizabeth Horak, senior m i d f i e l d e r K a t y We e k s , j u n i o r f o r w a rd Gabby DePetro and sophomore forward and midfielder Kjerti Anderson all scored goals for the Red

These attacking passes and runs allowed Josephs to create offensive positions, as she was ready and able to set up her teammates to give them the best opportunity to score

But by the second game of the weekend, Cornell stepped up its play

“We had one of our best performances as a group so far this season, ” Josephs said “We prioritized our vision and making off-ball

Lion hunters | The team hopes to not fall behind 0-2 in Ivy League play as it travels to take on Columbia, then Monmouth, this upcoming weekend

runs on the field to make ourselves available for passes from our teammates, and the results took care of itself ”

Hornibrook agreed, saying the team ’ s success arose from the women ’ s big pushback at the game ’ s get go, their ball movement and steady vision upfield

“I am happy to see we were able to come back [from Saturday’s game] and show the quality we have,” Hornibrook said

As the weekend ended on a high note, the Red hopes to continue its level of play against C o l u m b i a a n d Mo n m o u t h Fr i d a y a n d

Sunday Even though the team has high expectations this season and hopes to contend for an Ivy title, the team prides itself on a consistent approach each week and does not get caught up on the significance of any one game

“It’s next opponent up, ” Hornibrook said “You have to be consistent week in and week out, regardless of who the opponent is ”

The Ivy League does not have a playoff format, so each team plays each other once and the champion is decided by in-conference record Cornell will have six more games to establish itself as one of the best teams in the conference

“ It’s a ro u n d ro b i n t o u r n a m e n t , ” Hornibrook said “The team that is most consistent throughout the course of the Ivy League season will be the team that comes out on top ”

One area that has been a consistent strength for the Red all season long has been its defense, and more specifically goaltending Opponents are averaging just one goal per game against the Red this year If this

trend continues, Cornell will be able to ride on its defense throughout the Ivy League schedule

Johnson has an 800 save percentage this season for the Red Johnson credited her talented teammates for her success because of how they push her in practice

“We have great shooters on the team, ” Johnson said “They're constantly challenging me and forcing me to get better ”

One of the benefits of having such a talented defensive group is that it keeps Cornell in every game Cornell’s three losses on the season have come by a combined four goals

Nonetheless, an area of improvement for the Red is the offense The Red has shown flashes of offensive brilliance at times this season, but the team has not been as consistent when it comes to putting the ball in the net Cornell averages between two and three goals a game

The team has no shortage of capable goal scorers, with junior forwards Katie Carlson and Krysten Mayers combining for an explosive offensive tandem The duo has eight goals and five assists between them

If the Red can continue to make improvements on their offense, the team is more than capable of contending for an Ivy League title “ There are always things to improve upon, but we know we can score, we know that we can defend well, and we know that we can be a threat for as long as we have to play,” Johnson said

Sarah Peters can be reached at sp987@cornell edu Troy Bridson can be reached at tbridson@cornellsun com

Strikers Host Penn Following Double O.T. Draw

By CAITLIN STANTON Sun Contributor

w i t h a re c o rd o f t h re e w i n s , f i v e l o s s e s a n d o n e d r a w, C o r n e l l i s l o o k i n g t o b o u n c e

b a c k f r o m i t s l o s i n g re c o rd a n d f a c e e v e n t o u g h e r c o m p e t i t i o n T h e Re d’s g a m e a g a i n s t C o l u m b i a w a s i t s f i r s t m a t c h a g a i n s t a n Iv y L e a g u e t e a m ,

“We invest a lot into it physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically.”

H e a d C o a c h P a t r i c k F a r m e r

s o t h e t e a m k n e w a l l e y e s w e re o n t h e m “ I d e f i n i t e l y f e l t a l o t o f p re s s u re b e c a u s e I k n ow h ow i m p o r t a n t t h i s g a m e w a s , e s p e c i a l l y b e c a u s e t h i s w a s a t e a m w e c o u l d c o m p e t e w i t h a n d a g a m e w e s h o u l d’v e w o n , ” s a i d f r e s h m a n f o r w a rd K e n n e d y Ye a r b y C o l u m b i a t y p i c a l l y t h e Re d’s f i r s t Iv y o p p o n e n t o f t h e s e a s o n h a s a l w a y s b e e n a d i ff i c u l t t e a m f o r C o r n e l l “ We i n v e s t a l o t i n t o i t p h y si c a l l y, m e n t a l l y, e m o t i o n a l l y, p s y c h o l o g i c a l l y, ” s a i d h e a d

c o a c h Pa t r i c k Fa r m e r

D e s p i t e a l l o f t h e e f f o r t t h e w o m e n p u t i n t o t h e i r t r a i n i n g a n d g a m e p l a y, t h e y s t i l l

c a m e a w a y f r o m t h e g a m e w i t h o u t s c o r i n g a s i n g l e g o a l , s u f f e r i n g a 0 - 2 l o s s t o t h e

L i o n s O v e r t h e c o u r s e o f t h e g a m e , C o l u m b i a m a n a g e d t o a t t e m p t t w i c e a s m a n y

“I think everyone understood the task and was really putting in effort to scoring that goal that we needed.”

G r a c e K e l l e r

s h o t s a s C o r n e l l T h e L i o n s s t a r t e d o f f t h e g a m e s t r o n g , w i t h a g o a l i n t h e e i g h t h m i n u t e , s o m et h i n g t h a t r a t t l e d t h e Re d i n t h e f i r s t h a l f, a c c o rd i n g t o s o p h o m o re d e f e n d e r Gr a c e K e l l e r “ We j u s t k n e w t h a t w e c o u l d n ’ t l o s e t h a t g a m e , a n d t h e f a c t t h a t t h e y s c o re d s o e a r l y h i n d e re d t h a t , ” K e l l e r s a i d “ I t h i n k f o r m e p e r s o n a l l y, j u s t b e i n g o n d e f e n s e , [ t h e f i r s t g o a l ] re a l l y s h o o k m e ” How e v e r, b o t h t h e p l a y e r s a n d Fa r m e r a g re e d t h a t t h e Re d’s p h y s i c a l i t y a n d d e t e r m i n a t i o n i m p r ov e d b y t h e s e c -

o n d h a l f “ I t h i n k e v e r y o n e u n d e r s t o o d t h e t a s k a n d w a s re a l l y p u t t i n g i n e f f o r t t o s c o r i n g

t h a t g o a l t h a t w e n e e d e d , ” K e l l e r s a i d

T h e t e a m ’ s n e x t g a m e w a s a g a i n s t C C S U o n Su n d a y, a n d i t w a s a h a rd - f o u g h t d r a w t h a t e x t e n d e d i n t o d o u b l e ov e r t i m e C o r n e l l u p p e d t h e a n t e w i t h i t s s h o o t i n g , a s t h e t e a m