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Introduction If you want to be truly happy in life, you must take care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. Focusing on self-love is key to finding happiness and it’s essential to love yourself before you can truly love others. The trouble is self-love has a reputation as being something only hippies and treehuggers practice. However, it is important for everyone and can have a drastic impact on your mental health and wellbeing. Here, you’ll discover everything you need to know about self-love and how to incorporate it into your life.

Prerequisites for Self-Love Before you can practice self-love, you need to know the true story of who you are. The real, true, authentic version of who you are beneath all the layers of conditioning. Your conditioning is where you hold self-limiting beliefs and narratives about who you are that may not necessarily be true. It comes from your parents, teachers, relationships, your ancestors (ancestral and generational), and all of the experiences that you have had throughout your life. A couple of my favorite tools for helping you to uncover the Truth of Who You Really Are is Human Design and EFT. When you understand who you truly are, you can fully Love ALL of who you are. Some of the pre-requisites that are essential for learning how to love ALL of you are: • • • • • •

Being accepting of your faults and where you may be living out the lower expression of your full potential Understanding which subconscious beliefs need to be re-written Compassion for yourself and patience as you heal Knowing the difference between what you want and need Letting go of perfectionism and people-pleasing Being able to listen and trust yourself

These are some of the most important prerequisites of self-love. Being able to accept your faults is especially key. Many people mistakenly believe that self-love is all about focusing on the positive. However, it really means accepting yourself exactly as you are – the good, the bad, and the ugly. When you are aware of your weaknesses and can love yourself regardless, that is the ultimate expression of unconditional self-love.

You also need to learn to be compassionate with yourself. We tend to be our own worst critics. Think about the way you usually talk about yourself in your head, then think about whether you would speak the same way to a friend. Chances are, you wouldn’t. If you want to love yourself, you need to have self-compassion and learn to be your own cheerleader, rather than judging yourself relentlessly. Negativity attracts more negativity. You must learn to radically accept who you are with compassion and empathy and remember to be gentle with yourself. Another misconception is that self-love means indulging in the things you love, but which aren’t necessarily good for you. Many people think it is more about gratifying yourself with the things you want, even if they are unhealthy for you. The truth is, selflove is more about giving the mind, body, and spirit what it needs to feel nourished, nurtured, and replenished, not what it wants impulsively. For example, if you have had a bad week, you may want to indulge in your favorite treats to “make it better”, but what you need is to make good, healthy choices that allow you to be at your best so you can remain healthy and keep going without getting sick or overwhelming your already stressed-out body. So, learning to focus on what you need and not what you want is important. Luckily, Human Design shares with us how we are meant to make decisions that are aligned and correct for us, taking the guesswork out of it. We just have to listen to it! Just as you overcome focusing on your faults, you need to let go of expectations of perfectionism. Nobody is perfect, yet today’s society expects it. It can feel like there is a lot of pressure on you to be the perfect parent, friend, and partner. Studies have shown that striving for perfection isn’t just bad for your mental health, it can be bad for your physical health too. So, if you want to provide yourself with self-love, you’re going to need to let go of perfectionism. It's equally as important to let go of any people-pleasing tendencies because when you try to please others by trying to fit into a box someone else has defined for you, then you aren’t being your authentic self. We can’t love our authentic selves if we are selfabandoning to meet the approval, love, praise, attention, or recognition of someone else. When we self-abandon, we tend to only know who we are through the eyes of what others think or expect of us rather than who we are deep down inside. We hide behind a mask out of fear of rejection rather than showing the world who we really are. Finally, you also need to learn to listen and trust yourself. It is easy to be influenced by the people around us. However, when you do things for other people, you aren’t going to be happy in the long term if you are sacrificing your own needs. Self-love is about focusing on what you want and need and practicing good self-care. Taking good care of yourself first enables you to be able to take better care of others. It’s similar to the air masks on an airplane. If you don’t put your mask on first, you can’t help others put on theirs – you will be of no use. By developing the prerequisites for self-love, you’ll have a much better chance of succeeding. 3 Copyright © 2022 The Collective Soul Chrysalis LLC | All Rights Reserved

How to Stop Self Sabotaging Yourself One of the main barriers to self-love is self-sabotage. It can occur in various forms, but it aims to do one thing, derail your progress, and keep you stuck in your old habits. If you struggle with self-sabotage, below you’ll discover how to stop it and what it means. Understanding Self-Sabotage Before you can stop self-sabotaging yourself, you first need to understand when you’re doing it. A lot of the time, it can be a subconscious act so you may not realize it is happening. If you have a goal in mind but you never accomplish it, it could be because something in your subconscious is fighting against it. Approximately, 95%-99% of our brain activity comes from our subconscious mind which means that only 1%-5% of brain activity is conscious. As such, our behavior, thoughts, and actions are mostly subconscious. Our words create thoughts and our thoughts create meanings which then get put into form or action. It is the meanings that we give our experiences and thoughts that shape our perceptions of the world. Those perceptions are what condition us to behave, think or react the way that we do. It is also important to know that it is the mind’s job to keep you safe. Therefore, our mind often creates fears to keep us safe which can also limit us and cause us to create selfpreservation narratives and beliefs. Self-sabotage can appear in the form of thoughts and/or actions. They also may be the result of something we do or don’t do. It is often a self-preservation technique, with the mind trying to protect us from a perceived negative outcome. It can also be linked to comfort. The mind likes comfort, for things to stay the same and so, change is often uncomfortable. It causes you to fall back into your old habits to maintain the comfort and perceived stability that it craves. How You Can Stop It So, now you know a little more about self-sabotage and how it works, the question is how can you stop it? There are steps you can take to stop self-sabotage in its tracks. These include: Identifying your self-sabotage habits - The first step is to identify your self-sabotaging habits. It could be that you procrastinate too much, or you may struggle with negative self-talk, people-pleasing, or perfectionism. Whatever it is, once you know what your self-sabotage habits are, you’ll stand a better chance of eliminating them. Look for the cause - Once you know what your self-sabotage habits are, it’s time to focus on why you do them. A lot of the time, it boils down to how we feel about ourselves. If you have self-destructive habits, they could be deep-rooted in your sense of self-worth. For example, you may feel inadequate, even when setting lofty goals for 4 Copyright © 2022 The Collective Soul Chrysalis LLC | All Rights Reserved

yourself. That fear of inadequacy may prevent you from actually putting in a full effort to reach your goals because if you put in a full effort and failed, it would only confirm what you already believe - that you are inadequate, according to your mind, even though it’s not true. When you know why you are participating in destructive behavior, you can work on stopping it. Change your habits - The last step is to change your habits. Now that you have recognized which habits are most destructive, look for ways to change them. What healthier changes can you make? It could be that you need to avoid certain triggers or people. It may be that you need to set clear and strong boundaries. Focus on building up small positive habits gradually. If you try and make too many big changes at once, you’ll end up giving in to old destructive habits. Energy Psychology – Energy psychology methods such as EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) or “Tapping” has also been proven to rewire neural pathways or in other words, rewrite subconscious programming aka self-limiting beliefs. EFT is a technique that may be used on your own or you may work with an EFT Practitioner (like me!). Tapping is a gentle technique that helps you access the deeper layers of your subconscious and has been scientifically proven to help lower cortisol (stress hormone) levels, anxiety, depression, PTSD, cravings, insomnia, fears, phobias, and trauma, increase concentration/focus, etc. The benefit of working with an EFT Practitioner is that he/she can help support and guide you during your healing process. They are often able to help pull together the various threads and see the patterns you may not be able to see for yourself, helping you make connections quicker so that you can decondition and heal at a deeper level. A Practitioner provides a safe, loving space for you to be able to process big, overwhelming emotions and events that you may have experienced, that you might avoid if you were to face them on your own. This could be related to microtraumas, which nearly every person has experienced over the course of their lifetime, or trauma with a capital T. Having a Practitioner guide you through releasing the difficult emotions that come up helps you heal from them rather than allowing your mind to jump in and convince you to avoid it or bury it out of fear. Repeatedly burying and avoiding our emotions causes dis-ease the longer we hold onto them. EFT also helps you instill a new, positive belief in place of the negative or limiting beliefs you may be holding. These are the main steps you can follow to stop self-sabotage in its tracks. Remain consistent and you’ll start to eliminate those self-sabotaging beliefs and habits.

Do Kind Things for Yourself A key part of expressing self-love is being kind to yourself. By doing kind things just for you, you are building up your sense of self-worth because you are showing your mind that you are worthy just by being you. The question is, what does self-kindness look like? Below, you’ll discover some ways you can practice expressing self-love. Make Time For Yourself One of the kindest things you can do for yourself is taking time out just for you. Ideally, you’ll want at least 30 minutes of “me time” every day. However, even just 10 to 15 minutes by yourself each day can lead to a lot of great benefits. Depending on your Human Design type, 30 minutes may not be enough as some profiles need more time for inward reflection and integration. You’ll learn more as you complete the Human Design modules. Some of the things you can do to take some time out for yourself are reading, listening to your favorite music or podcast, workout out, taking a long bath, meditating, going for a walk, journaling, or watching your favorite TV show. Focus on doing the things you love that leave you feeling relaxed and happy where you can get out of your head and into your body and heart. Recognize Your Achievements Another thing you can do is to recognize your achievements. Whenever you reach a goal you have set for yourself, be sure to celebrate. Similarly, if you are proud of something you have achieved, take time to celebrate it. When you compliment yourself, it makes you feel good to acknowledge and accept the fact. It also serves as evidence to your mind that you can be trusted to achieve your goals, be resourceful, and that you are worthy of success. Think about it, we are quick to praise others when they achieve something, but often fail to praise ourselves for our achievements. Being able to provide ourselves with selfrecognition, helps us avoid seeking it from others and falling back into old patterns of doing things for others’ attention, love or approval. Learn to Forgive Yourself Sometimes, the reason we find it so hard to lead a happier, more fulfilled life, is because we haven’t forgiven ourselves for the mistakes we have made or we haven’t forgiven someone who wronged us. If you continuously beat yourself up for mistakes you have made or those who have hurt you, you’re not going to move forward. You will remain stuck in the past.

You need to learn how to forgive yourself and others to move forward. Learn to show yourself kindness when you mess up. Learn to show others kindness too when they mess up. We are only human, and nobody gets it right 100% of the time. If you are using EFT, you may tap on the Forgiveness point for whatever you feel you need to. There are also other Forgiveness methods you may feel more comfortable using instead which we can discuss later. Cheer Yourself On Do you tend to rely on others to lift you up? If so, it’s time to start learning to be your own cheerleader. Ask yourself how a friend would support and help you feel better in the situation. Then, do and say the things you think they would to yourself. Learn how to elevate yourself when you start to feel down. It could just be doing something that helps you shift your mood like taking a dance break, listening to upbeat music, taking time out to play, draw, write, be creative, going outside, or taking a bath. It might not be easy but learning to raise your vibration and shift your mindset is a powerful thing. It’s important to know that you can meet this need on your own and that you don’t need to chase happiness in someone or something else. That you can provide your own happiness by using various tools to lift yourself up. It’s important to be kind to yourself and allow yourself grace. If you haven’t read Mel Robbin’s “The 5-Second Rule”, I highly recommend it. If something feels hard and you feel like you’ve been knocked down, take a deep breath, count yourself down from 5 (54-3-2-1), get up, brush yourself off and learn the lesson or shift your mindset to help move you forward. Inject Laughter into Your Life Adding a little humor into your everyday life is one of the most effective ways to recharge your batteries and turn things around. When was the last time you truly laughed out loud? Adding a little laughter into your day can do wonders for your mood as it helps your body release endorphins, the “feel good” hormones. Spending just 5-10 minutes each day watching something funny or listening to a funny podcast can lift your spirits. Other options you may want to consider include viewing funny memes, reciting a humorous short quote, listening to a comedian’s short story, or even simply by watching people. These are just a few ways you can make positive changes in your life. The more you care for and love yourself, the happier and more fulfilled you will be.

Thinking Positive No doubt one of the biggest challenges to being able to express self-love is negative thinking. It is common for people to think negatively of themselves. However, your negative thoughts could be holding you back, drastically. Thinking positive is a good way to combat self-hatred and show yourself some love. The question is, what does positive thinking mean and how can you adapt it? Below, you’ll discover what you need to know about positive thinking to help boost your ability to express self-love. What It Means to Think Positive In the beginning, positive thinking is simply making a conscious effort to focus, intently on the good in any given situation, while developing an optimistic mindset. In other words, as the old song says, “accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, latch on to the affirmative, and don’t mess with Mr. In-between.” Most of us aren’t naturally positive. Instead, our minds tend to focus more on the negative or what’s wrong. This can hold us back and get us caught up in a negative feedback loop. However, it’s important to realize that positive thinking doesn’t mean forgetting about problems. It’s important that we address the problems we are facing and not bury our feelings related to them. It’s better OUT than IN. Positive thinking simply helps you to approach a situation or problem with a more positive outlook and allows your creativity to flow so you can be more resourceful in finding a solution. Benefits of Positive Thinking Thinking positively doesn’t just make you feel instantly happier, it also offers quite a few unique benefits. Studies have shown that positive thinking can improve your physical health as well as your mental health. Positive thinking can give you better protection against illness by strengthening your immune system, lowering your chance of a heart attack, and even prolonging your life. You may find it gives you more creativity too and helps your ability to make good decisions that are in alignment for you. Positive thinking can contribute to a much happier life. The question is, how can you learn to start thinking more positively? Tips to Develop a Positive Mindset Switching to a more positive mindset isn’t easy. This is especially true if you have lived with a negative mindset for many years. Like anything in life, it takes commitment and persistence to change to more positive thinking. There are some tips you can follow which may help. These include: 8 Copyright © 2022 The Collective Soul Chrysalis LLC | All Rights Reserved

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Begin the day with a positive affirmation. Look for the humor in tough times. Focus on only the good things and avoid complaining. See failures as lessons – every struggle holds a nugget of wisdom, you just have to find it! Focus more on the present, don’t harp on the past or get caught up in the future. Be aware of your negative thinking when it arises and reframe it into something positive.

Beginning the day with a positive affirmation such as, “Today is going to be a good day.” It may sound simple, but this can make a stark difference to how your day goes. Always try and start it on a positive note. You’ll also find it helpful to try and find humor in tough situations. Obviously, it would be inappropriate to focus on humor in certain situations. However, mostly it can help to lighten the mood. If you can find a funny way to think about your current situation, it can help you to feel happier and more in control. It may be difficult but focusing mostly on the good things in your life can help. Practicing gratitude is one of the best ways to switch to a more positive mindset. So, each day find at least three things you are grateful for and that are going well, however small. It is common for people to dwell on failure. They take it personally and feel they simply aren’t enough, or they don’t deserve success. The truth is everyone fails at some point in their life. The secret is to see failure as a lesson. If you look at the top business leaders across the world, you’ll see they have failed many times. However, it has been their ability to learn from their failures that have driven them to the success they are experiencing today. Failures give up the opportunity to practice resiliency and to learn from our mistakes so we can grow and evolve. Every time we fail, we get closer to success! Another trick to mastering a positive mindset is to focus more on the present. When you are caught up in the past, or worried over the future, you are going to miss out on the now. Focusing on the present means this very moment. What is happening right at this moment that is bad? Often, you’ll find nothing bad is happening in the present, helping you to calm and reassure the fearful mind. Finally, learning how to combat negative thinking is essential. However, it is also one of the most difficult things to do. To help, below you’ll discover how to negate those negative thoughts.

Overcoming Negative Thoughts If you want to give yourself everything you’ve ever wanted, learning how to negate negative thoughts is crucial. Negative thinking can have a detrimental impact on your health and wellbeing. However, it isn’t always easy to stop. If you struggle with negative thinking, here you’ll learn how to stop it and develop a more positive mindset. Identify Negative Thoughts The first thing you need to do if you want to stand any chance of combatting negative thinking is to recognize when you are doing it. Often, negative thinking becomes so tied to our subconscious that we don’t even realize we are doing it. So, how can you change what you don’t recognize or that which you are not aware of? There are many ways to recognize your negative thinking. When a challenging situation crops up, you might notice for example, that your first thoughts are negative. It could be that you feel there is no way you’ll be able to make it through the situation. Or you may get hung up on one negative thing that is said to you, despite having countless positive things said by the same person. Once you feel negativity creeping in, challenge it. Try and counteract it with a positive thought. So, turn “I’ll never get through this” into “This is going to be hard, but I will get through it.” The more you start doing this, the easier you’ll find it to think more positively. It is even more important, once you become aware of the negative thought, to understand the underlying thought BEHIND the negative thought, and work to release that specific narrative or belief. EFT comes in handy here as well to help you release the emotions of the underlying thought/belief/narrative that isn’t true and that is holding you back. Meditate Meditating can be a wonderful way to negate negative thinking. It forces you to focus on the present and calm the mind. It can be difficult to see the positive when the mind is swimming with negativity. So, by practicing meditation frequently, it’s going to help to quiet the negativity and help you to see situations much clearer. Meditation also helps to lower your stress levels and reduce anxiety so that the monkey mind chatter reduces to a dull background noise rather than a distracting lilt. Surround Yourself with Positive People Think about the people you associate with. Do they make you feel happy, energized, and ready to take on anything? If not, you might need to adjust your social circle. 10 Copyright © 2022 The Collective Soul Chrysalis LLC | All Rights Reserved

Negativity breeds negativity. This means, that when you surround yourself with negative thinking (for example, someone who complains a lot or has a lot of “stinking thinking”), it’s going to rub off on you. When you are surrounded by positivity, on the other hand, you’ll notice you become more positive too. Take Responsibility for Your Life A big problem many people struggle with is feeling like a victim or a martyr. If you feel stuck in life, you may feel helpless and like it’s out of your control to change things. However, by taking responsibility for your life and not seeing yourself as a victim or martyr, is going to help you think much more positively. There is always a choice we can make to change our lives. It might not be an easy choice, but there is always a way to improve our situation. Allow and Enable Yourself to Move Forward It could be that you are stuck in a negative situation because you haven’t allowed yourself to move forward. This may be due to fear or perhaps you feel guilty or unworthy of moving forward? Whatever it is that is holding you back, you need to identify it, release and heal it so you can move on. EFT is very helpful in uncovering what underlying fear, emotion or belief is holding you back. It might not be easy to overcome negative thinking, but it is possible. Incorporate the ideas and strategies above to help you change your mindset and your behaviors and habits.

Using Your Thoughts and Feelings to Develop Self-Love If you want to truly focus on self-love, it’s important to be able to differentiate between your thoughts and feelings. How we think influences how we feel and how we feel can impact how we think. So, the two are closely interlinked, but they aren’t the same thing. Here, we’ll look at why it is important to separate thoughts from feelings and what you can do with them to achieve better self-love. Separate Your Thoughts from Feelings Thoughts and feelings are connected, but they are very different from one another. For example, if you are asked how you feel about getting passed over for a job, you may say that you feel that it wasn’t fair as you worked hard. However, that is what you think, not what you feel. What you feel could be anger, disappointment, or sadness.

Your thoughts are created from your perceptions and if your perceptions about who you are, are not in line with the true story of who you are, then you are going to struggle with being able to love yourself. It’s impossible to love someone, even yourself if you don’t know who you are. If your thoughts or beliefs about who you are do not line up with your truth, you will not be able to love the authentic version of yourself. You need to radically accept who truly you are – all parts of you - so that you can FEEL and experience authentic self-love without fear or doubt creeping in. Thoughts, that come from the fearful and doubtful mind, often make situations seem worse or talk you out of trying to improve things. Therefore, being able to separate thoughts from feelings is important for self-love. So, the next time you have a negative thought, think about whether it is based on fact. It could be that your mind is telling you “I’m useless, I can’t do this.” This is a story, not a fact. By eliminating the stories in our minds, we are free to see the real picture and identify the positives.

How to Show More Love to Your Mind, Spirit, and Body Now that you know what self-love is and how to overcome the numerous barriers it presents, it’s time to look at practical ways to show more love to yourself. If you want to live your best life, you’re going to want to show love to your mind, spirit, and body. So, let’s look at some of the best ways you can do that… Make You Happy Every Day A fantastic way to show more love to yourself is to do something that makes you happy every single day. There doesn’t need to be a reason to treat yourself to the things you love. Just do something you enjoy, just for you, and see how great it makes you feel. It could just be taking 15 minutes to drink a hot cup of tea while reading a book. Take a Break from Technology These days, we spend a lot of our lives online. Whether it’s checking social media, watching videos, or browsing the web - staying stuck to a screen can be extremely bad for your health. Every now and again it’s important to take a break from technology. Think about hobbies you can do outside of technology. Perhaps you like to draw? Or maybe you enjoy playing an instrument or reading? Whatever it is, taking a technology break can do wonders for your mind, body, and spirit.

Practice Deep Breathing At times, you’ll experience a lot of stress. Practicing deep breathing is a terrific way to reduce stress and calm the mind. You can use it when you feel negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions are taking over. Close your eyes, take two deep breaths in and 4 breaths out for a minute or two. Then progress and take 4 deep breaths in and 8 breaths out. Continue with 4 breaths in and 8 breaths out until you feel calm and centered. This type of breathing technique soothes the limbic system and stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system allowing your body to relax, de-stress and calm down. This exercise is especially helpful for anyone struggling with anxiety or high levels of stress. Placing one hand on your heart and focusing on your breathing while checking in with your body to see which emotions may be rising up or where you may be experiencing pain in your body is a great way to gauge which feelings need to be released that are stored within the body, causing interference with your vibration and overall wellbeing. Get Plenty Of Exercise Exercise isn’t just essential for keeping our body healthy, it is also important for the mind too. Just 10-15 minutes of exercise per day can make you feel so much happier. However, for best results, you’ll want to try and get in 30 minutes of exercise each day. Moving your body daily can help move stagnant energy and release any toxic or negative emotions you may be holding on to. Focus on Healthy Eating Maintaining a healthy diet is also an important component of self-love. You may want to indulge in comfort food, but it’s a healthy diet your body craves. When you eat healthily, you feel much more energized and positive. Try and ensure you are drinking plenty of water too. This helps to flush out toxins and keep you feeling healthier. Get Outdoors Another great way to experience self-love is to get outdoors as much as you can. There have been a lot of studies that have shown the benefits of nature on the mind and body. Going for a daily walk can help you to clear your mind, get plenty of fresh air and help you to feel much happier. Reconnecting with nature can also help ground you, especially if you spend a lot of time in your head thinking or if you need help shifting a negative mindset to a more positive one.

These are just a very small number of examples of how you can show yourself more love. Self-love isn’t selfish, it is needed for a happy and healthy life. If we were to all experience and practice a little more self-love, the world would be a much better place. Once you have figured out how to fully love yourself, it is only then we can truly love and be our best selves for others.