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September 2018 | Vol. 44 | No. 9 | 24 pp.
fiftyplus advocate
History LessonS Veteran works to ensure African American military regiments are not forgotten page 10 PHOTO/ANDY WEIGL, WEIGL PHOTOGRAPHY
Southborough resident Pete DePina
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Two year legislative formal sessions come to a close By Mike Festa, State Director AARP Massachusetts
T
The Rules of Aging The Rules of Aging are Changing. are Changing.
More and more people are living longer, More and productive more people are It’s living healthier, lives. timelonger, to More and more people are living longer, healthier, productive lives. time to explore territories andIt’s pioneer new healthier,new productive lives. It’s time to explore new territories andhow pioneer new behaviors, like reinventing we work, explore new territories and pioneer new behaviors, like reinventing how we work, live and play PASSION.how we work, behaviors, likewith reinventing live and play with PASSION. live and to play with PASSION. It’s time change the conversation on It’s time toBEAUTY. change the conversation on aging and It’s time to challenge It’s time to change the conversation on aging andbeliefs BEAUTY. It’sspark timenew to challenge outdated and solutions aging and BEAUTY. It’s time to challenge outdated and spark new solutions so we canbeliefs all choose how we live as we outdated beliefs and spark new solutions so we choose we live as we age — can withall PRIDE andhow CONFIDENCE. so we can all choose how we live as we age — with PRIDE and CONFIDENCE. age withthe PRIDE and CONFIDENCE. Let’s—seize opportunity to create a Let’s vision seize the create a new for opportunity aging — oneto complete Let’s seize the opportunity to create a new vision for aging —innovations, one complete with new stories, new and new vision for aging — one complete with civic new stories, new innovations, and new solutions. with new stories, new innovations, and new civic solutions. new civicconversation solutions. and inspire others Join the Join the conversation and inspire others to value people regardless Join the conversation and inspire others to valueage. people regardless of their disruptaging.aarp to value people regardless of their age. disruptaging.aarp of their age. disruptaging.aarp
he Massachusetts House and Senate wrapped up formal legislative sessions on July 31. AARP Massachusetts fought for the passage of two top priorities in this two-year legislative session: HB4806 - An Act Relative to Consumer Pr o t e c t i o n from Security Breaches; and HB3911 — the Family Caregiver Mike Festa Tax Credit. W e thank the Legislature for passing HB4806 - An Act Relative to Consumer Protection from Security Breaches. This legislation, which gives consumers control of their credit reports by allowing them to freeze and unfreeze their credit without paying fees to credit reporting agencies, is an important step in ensuring that Massachusetts consumers are protected from identity theft. We appreciate the Massachusetts General Court taking additional steps to strengthen the recent action by the federal government related to security breaches. With more access to credit due to their longer careers and higher incomes, older adults are the most common targets of identity theft nationwide. Individuals age 5059 filed more than 7,200 complaints of identity theft in Massachusetts alone in 2017, according to the Federal Trade Commission. With credit reporting firm Equifax revealing that hackers stole financial and consumer data on more than 143 million customers in the U.S., including at least three million residents of the commonwealth, it’s quite possible that the personal information — including birth date, Social Security number, driver’s license number and address of many of us has fallen into the hands of criminals.
With more access to credit due to their longer careers and higher incomes, older adults are the most common targets of identity theft nationwide.
A security freeze allows an individual to voluntarily restrict access to their credit report so that new lines of credit cannot be opened. Enacting such a freeze can make it more difficult for criminals to steal an identity and open up new credit accounts or loans in someone else’s name. A credit report security freeze does not affect a person’s credit score, and can be removed at any time. HB4806 helps to ensure consumers in Massachusetts don’t have to pay to control access to their credit reports. We now urge Governor Baker to sign this bill into law as soon as possible. Unfortunately, the House Committee on Ways and Means did not take action on HB3911, the Family Caregiver Tax Credit. Though the formal legislative sessions have ended, twice-a-week informal sessions are scheduled for the remainder of 2018, giving the Legislature an opportunity to move bills. We thank our many volunteer legislative advocates who have contacted their legislators on behalf of AARP Massachusetts’s priority issues over the past two year legislative session. Mike Festa is the state director for AARP Massachusetts. Archives of articles from previous issues can be read at www.fiftyplusadvocate.com.
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Retired music educator inspired students for 34 years By Ed Karvoski Jr. Culture Editor
Marlborough – Instrumental music educator Gary Piazza created countless memories for his students and himself while working a 34-year career, 28 of which were at Marlborough High School (MHS). Concluding the 2017-2018 academic year, he viewed a video given to him as a retirement gift during the annual awards banquet of the Marlborough Public Schools Music Association. The video captures comments from colleagues including Jonathan Rosenthal, the Marlborough district music coordinator; and former students, many of whom are now music educators gratefully crediting Piazza for inspiring them. “When I saw the video for the first time I wiped away tears — it was incredibly touching,” Piazza recalled. “It’s the ulti-
mate gift to know that you have touched a person’s life.” While growing up in Dartmouth, Piazza played trumpet with inspiration from his middle and high school band directors. After earning a bachelor’s degree in music education at the University of North Texas, he was offered a graduate assistant scholarship at Arkansas State University. Upon graduating with a master’s degree in performance in 1984, he received another offer: assistant band director at Ouachita Parish High School in Monroe, La. “I learned from a gentleman, Donnie Dee, who is a master in music education,” Piazza relayed. “He had a quiet demeanor backed up with knowledge and intensity that the kids respected.” Returning to Massachusetts in 1988, Piazza accepted the band director position at Stone-
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ham Middle School for grades five through eight. “I absolutely loved working with the middle school kids,” he said. “That age is a unique mindset.” A job he loved ended in 1990 when Proposition 2-1/2 caused budget cuts that affected a number of school music programs statewide including Stoneham. Several interviews later, he was hired to teach at Norwood High School (NHS) by Paul Alberta, currently chief adjudicator of the Massachusetts Association for Jazz Education (MAJE). NHS competes in the New England Scholastic Band Association circuit. “I was concerned about the level of competition in the Norwood program,” Piazza noted. “I appreciate what Paul brought to me, but the philosophy of music in Norwood wasn’t quite what I was looking for. Competition is important, but it’s not everything.” Piazza feels that competition and music education have been successfully balanced at MHS since he was hired in 1991 by Joan Toohey, then-music coordinator and choral director. At the time, the MHS’s music ensembles entertained publicly, but didn’t participate in competitions. Piazza got them
PHOTO/ED KARVOSKI JR.
involved in the district- and state-level festivals presented by MAJE and Massachusetts Instrumental Conductors and Choral Association. Ensembles earning a Gold Medal rating at MAJE festivals then get to perform at the Boston Esplanade’s Hatch Shell. Under Piazza’s direction, this was achieved seven times by the MHS Jazz Ensemble and four by the Jazz Combo. “It was a thrill for me to watch students’ expressions and for them to fully appreciate how they got there,” Piazza said. “The experience of performing at the Hatch Shell — on the stage that Arthur Fiedler and Keith Lockhart have been on with the Boston Pops — in some cases may be an experience of a lifetime. I’m proud of taking the program in those 28 years from providing public entertainment to giving them a well-rounded musical and life education experience.” While Piazza will miss those types of experiences, he’s looking forward to no longer commuting from his home in Lakeville to Marlborough. “I’m very organized, which works well in the public school system, but I’ll enjoy just taking it as it comes for a while,” he said. “That will get old real fast, so then I’ll hold onto something else and run with it.”
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september Inside this issue
Index of Services
Poetry author teaches ESL and craft of writing
page
Adult Day Care Adult Day Club at Dodge Park...12 Assisted Living/Rest Homes Oasis at Dodge Park .............14 Tatnuck Park at Worcester .......6 Goddard Homestead ................1 Attorneys, Elder Law Durbin & Veglia, Attorneys ......17
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Banking Services Avidia Bank ............................13
Treasuring memories of sharing stages with music legends
page
16
Departments Travel .............................12 Caregiving Tips ...............18
Money Matters ..............19 Housing Options ...........20
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Fitness YMCA of Central MA ..............13 Funeral Homes Shaw-Majercik Funeral Home..16 General Senior Services AARP of MA .............................2 Hearing Services Audiology Affiliates.................10 Home Care Services Care Solutions...........................7 Hospice & Primary Care Hope Health Hospice ...............6
Housing Options Bigelow Village .........................6 Coes Pond Village ....................10 Colony Retirement Homes .....3 Green Hill Towers ...................11 Illyrian Gardens .......................15 Sherwood Village, Natick...........24 Sitkowski Apartments..............8 Medical Research Studies Harvard University ..................18 Mortgage Financing Helping Hands ......................22 Oxygen Supplies Oxygen Shoppe .....................24 Real Estate Services Berman Property Solutions ....15 SellMomsHouse.com ..............9 Rehabilitation St. Mary Healthcare ................8 HealthSouth Rehabilitation ....21 Veterans Services VA Boston .............................16 Walk-In Medical Centers ReadyMed................................4
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Poetry author teaches ESL and craft of writing By Ed Karvoski Jr. Culture Editor
Holden – After many years of working, as well as volunteering, as an English as a second language (ESL) teacher, Jennifer L. Freed of Holden began concentering more on her lifelong interest in writing poetry and short fiction in 2012. Now a published author, she also teaches craft of writing workshops for adults and youth at libraries, schools and community centers in central Massachusetts. She was selected as a top-10 finalist for her poetry chapbook “These Hands Still Holding” in the 2013 New Women’s Voices Competition. The competition is open to women who haven’t previously published a full-length poetry collection. As a top-10 finalist, her chapbook was then published by Finishing Line Press
Jennifer L. Freed
in 2014. “I really like teaching, whether it’s ESL or writing,” she noted. “I like the communication and interplay of the students with each other, and
Chongqing Institute for Architecture and Engineering in China. Arrangements were made through the Yale-China Association, an independent, nonprofit organization. “Teaching in China was my first actual classroom experience, as opposed to teaching one-on-one as I had been doing as a volunteer,” she explained. “I wasn’t sure if I’d like teaching ESL until I did it in China — and I did like it. I was so happy after each class — it felt like a high.” Upon returning to her then-home in Boston, Freed freelanced for several years instructing ESL at various levels and locations including the Cambridge Center for Adult Education and the Boston Language Institute (BLI). When a position opened
PHOTOS/SHARON FREED
with me.” Freed volunteered to teach ESL while attending Yale University. She was chosen to instruct ESL from September 1987 to July 1988 at the
Poetry page 7
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pen to paper and let go, they write more beautifully than they realized they could.” Her workshops are conducted regularly from spring through fall at the Gale Free Library in Holden. For more information about Jennifer L. Freed, her writing workshops and chapbook, visit jfreed. weebly.com.
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at BLI she continued teaching advanced ESL, then ultimately created and directed the school’s Teaching English as a Foreign Language program. Freed took a few years off from work to raise her two daughters. In 2010, she began volunteering with the Worcester Refugee Assistance Project (WRAP), a network of individuals committed to assisting refugees from Burma. She taught ESL classes with WRAP until the then-director asked her to individu- “These Hands Still Holding” by ally help a particular Jennifer L. Freed Burmese man. While teaching him ESL oneon-one through 2016, Freed more time to writing. Her porealized that her lessons ofetry has appeared in several ten needed to cover more than literary journals and anthololanguage instruction. gies. Among the poems’ top“He didn’t have the familics are her family and ESL iarity with western culture,” students. She decided her first she said. “This guy came from chapbook “These Hands Still a place where he was building Holding” would be a collection his house out of bamboo in of 21 poems about her family. the refugee camp. Americans “It was interesting to disneed to realize how huge it cover how often my children is to learn an entire new lanare my muses,” she acknowlguage for an immigrant — and edged. a refugee at that. It’s not just In 2017, her poem “At learning words; it’s learning a the Middle School Concert” culture.” won first prize in the Spirit Once her children were atFirst contest, and “On Their tending school, Freed devoted
Anniversary She Whispers His Name” was awarded third place for the Frank O’Hara Prize from the Worcester County Poetry Association. Freed offers simple advice to her writing workshop students. “Don’t censor yourself so quickly,” she said. “People discover that when they put their
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Rocking out with Dan McGrath By Jane Keller Gordon Assistant Editor
A
s a young man, Dan McGrath loved music, playing guitar as well as singing and writing songs. But as he got older and family responsibilities took up more of his time, it became just a hobby that he could indulge in now and then. But now that his children are grown, McGrath is ready, at age 60, to really pursue his passion to make music. “It’s always been my dream to put out an album,” he said. McGrath noted that he is not restricted to one genre of music, but rather enjoys playing many types. “I like all types — bluegrass, Americana, blues, rock, country,” he said. Currently McGrath plays with a group, Junction
PHOTO/SUBMITTED
Mark Hamilton (l) and Dan McGrath in Hamilton’s studio, Junction 109
109, along with band members Mark Hamilton, Bucky O’Hare, Mike Tworoger and Jeff Urato. Although many might wonder that he is finally following
When people ask me about how I ‘play guitar like that,’ I just reply ‘The same way you get to Carnegie Hall. Practice, practice, practice. Dan McGrath
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his dream of seriously pursuing music at age 60, doing things differently is nothing new to McGrath. An accident many years ago resulted in him losing part of his right arm. Nonetheless, he does not let that stop him from playing guitar. It is just part of who he is. “When people ask me about how I ‘play guitar like that,’ I just reply ‘The same way you get to Carnegie Hall. Practice, practice, practice,’” he said. “I play guitar every day and just try to get better and better,” he added. About three years ago, McGrath entered a singer/songwriter contest sponsored by The Guitar Center. Also entering that contest was Scott Mulvahill, a talented young bass player from Nashville who has played with bluegrass legend Ricky Skaggs. When Mulvahill had announced on his Facebook page that he would donate his tal-
ents and perform on a track for one of his fans, McGrath submitted a clip and then was thrilled when he was chosen. As a result, Mulvahill played upright bass on Junction 109’s first EP, “Shine On.” With McGrath singing lead vocals, the song is a love song of sorts with tinges of bluegrass and Americana in it. McGrath also is grateful to Hamilton, he said, for his support. Hamilton, who is Junction 109’s drummer, is also the owner of Caveman Studio, located in Northborough. “Without Mark and his technical skills none of my music would be possible. He handles everything from drumming and recording to creating the website,” McGrath said. “He is also responsible for the videos I have on YouTube. Mark is the backbone of Junction 109 music and deserves all the credit he can get.” McGrath page 9
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Rocking out with Dan McGrath McGrath Continued from page 8
As much as McGrath enjoys performing, he is also thankful that his music gives him the opportunity to give back to others in need. “One hundred percent of every purchase I receive from my downloads or CDs go to St. Jude’s Research Hospital
and Team Sharing,” he said. Team Sharing is a nationally based nonprofit group formed to help parents who have lost a child to substance abuse disorder. “It’s such a huge problem,” McGrath said. “I know so many people who have lost family members to this disease.” A resident of Marlborough
for many years, McGrath now lives in Weymouth with his wife, Robin. The couple has three adult children- Callie, Loren, and Adam and two grandchildren, Olivia and Jackson. Everyone is supportive of his passion to play music, McGrath said. In fact, Adam is a musician as well, playing the drums
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as part of the group, Birnam Wood. “He’s really good,” McGrath said of his son. He also plays the guitar and writes songs of his own. Sometimes we play together for fun.” For more information visit www.junction109music. com as well as their Facebook page.
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Southborough resident works to ensure African American military regiments are not forgotten By Jane Keller Gordon Assistant Editor
Southborough – As a young man in 1948, Pete DePina volunteered to serve in the U.S. Army. The Southborough resident, reflecting back on his years in the service, noted his surprise that discrimination was prevalent in the military. “Growing up [in Falmouth, Mass.], my schools weren’t segregated but the Army was and I hated it,” he said. After DePina’s military service, which included basic training in Fort Riley, Kan., and tours in both Germany and Korea, he returned home to Massachusetts to put down roots. He worked first in construction, and then for the General Motors Car Carrying Division in Framingham. He and his late wife, Elizabeth, moved to Southborough where they lived for 50 years, raising a son,Richard,and daughter,Susan.
Now, at age 86, DePina dedicates himself to ensuring that the military sacrifices and contributions of African Americans are not forgotten. As such, he has become a student and passionate advocate who shares the stories of two legendary regiments specifically, the Tuskegee Airmen, and the Buffalo Soldiers. The Tuskegee Airmen were the first black military aviators in the U.S. Army Air Corps (AAC), a precursor of the U.S. Air Force. Trained at the Tuskegee Army Air Field in Alabama, they flew more than 15,000 individual sorties in Europe and North Africa during World War II. In the mid-to late 1860s to late 1890s, the Buffalo Soldiers was the nickname given to a group of renowned African American soldiers who mainly served on the Western frontier following the American Civil War. These men were given the task of controlling the Native
Americans of the Plains, capturing cattle rustlers and thieves and protecting settlers, stagecoaches, wagon trains and railroad crews. Regiments wrote their own history
“Both times, in World War II and in the 1860s, the military did not want to accept African American soldiers,” DePina said. “It took a lot for these groups to be formed, and ultimately they proved themselves.” Although the proof of their military prowess was delayed, it did come out over the years. In 2016, DePina attended a celebration of the New England Tuskegee Airmen that was held at the University of Mass. in Boston. One of the pilots who was honored, Charles McGee, was a stellar example. DePina pointed out that McGee’s contributions were legendary though not fully recognized at the time.
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“He had more combat flying time than any other soldier living or retired. McGee retired as a full corporal, but should have had a higher rank,” DePina said. Similarly, the Buffalo Soldiers gained a reputation as competent military men. “They got a reputation of never giving up the fight,” DePina said. “In the beginning, [the Buffalo Soldiers] were insulted by the name, but that changed over time. They found out it meant ‘pride and bravery’”, which in DePina’s opinion was clearly a fitting moniker. Since he started collecting memorabilia, DePina has accumulated thousands of items such as books, documents and uniforms, some of which he has worn in historic re-enactments. Approximately 15 years ago, DePina had an opportunity to go back to Fort Riley to witness DePina page 11
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• 11
Southborough resident works to ensure African American military regiments are not forgotten Pete DePina stands next to the truck that was a gift from his employer, Tri State Truck Center.
DePina Continued from page 10
the dedication of a Buffalo Soldiers’ statue. “I never wanted to go back there after the segregation I experienced, but my wife said ‘Go back’. I’m glad I did. It was a really good experience,” he said. Man of perpetual motion
Since his official “retirement,” DePina has not really slowed down, as he works nearly full time at Tri State Truck Center in Shrewsbury. “Every morning I go there and cause everybody heartaches,” he said with a characteristic chuckle. “I spend about 30 hours a week there doing chores. I have a work ethic that drives people crazy. I don’t like being late. That’s from the military.” Kevin Holmes, Tri State’s president and CEO, disagrees with DePina’s assessment and actually views him as a source of
PHOTO/SUBMITTED
inspiration. “Pete is one of the friendliest, kindest and most wonderful men I have ever known. He has been a mentor for many here,” Holmes said. “We call him the executive V.P. of customer affairs,” he added. “He is such an ambassador of good will and a jack of all trades. He will do whatever is needed for anyone, customers
or employees. “Working keeps him young, but we are so grateful for all of his help. He really makes a difference.” In fact, to recognize his contributions, three years ago the company gave DePina a special Christmas gift – a Dodge Ram pickup truck. Not content to drive it as mere transportation, DePina instead uses it as a way
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to honor the military service of African Americans. The truck is adorned with artistic renditions depicting DePina’s missions, including one based on the 54th Massachusetts Volunteer Infantry Regiment, one of the first official African American units to serve in the U.S. armed forces during the Civil War. A brief conversation with DePina will quickly reveal that he is a man of passion and strong emotion. His connection with history moves him deeply, often bringing a brief tear to his eye. In his efforts to further the goal of equality, DePina does not fight racial injustice with protest, but rather with education. He chooses instead to celebrate the accomplishments of those who blazed the trail for all soldiers of color and to let history be their legacy. And like the Buffalo Soldiers he honors…Pete DePina will never give up the fight.
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travel and entertainment Deerfield Retreat and Spa: Go for the exercise; stay for the food By Fyllis Hockman Travel Writer
A
dmittedly, I’ve never heard of Lo-Wei, a unique exercise class that combines yoga, strength training and flexibility that stretched my body in ways my mind never thought possible. But it is only one of almost three dozen fitness classes, all part of the dawn-to-dusk workout, weight loss and education focus of the one-of-a-kind, all-inclusive Deerfield Health Retreat and Spa in East Stroudsburg, Penn. where my friend Kathy and I spent three nights recently. The first morning’s dilemma? Should I start with a sunrise hike, morning stretch, water aerobics, Pilates, yoga or a circuit class? Or just go back to sleep. Nope, unacceptable — especially with a mouth-watering breakfast awaiting at 8 a.m. I followed morning stretch with Butts and Guts — and all I kept thinking was, “Man, am I going to feel this tomorrow!” which, right there, is a high recommendation for the class. You’re never far from food at Deerfield — three meals and two snacks included — and our first exposure at lunch upon arrival was a tomato Florentine soup filled with veggies. I thought if everything else is this good (and it was!), I’m never going home! But
PHOTOS/SUBMITTED
CK
12 •
more about that later. Time for exercise. I’m a novice yoga-ite so admittedly I had some difficulty visualizing the cleansing of my lungs, but I could still appreciate the relaxing nature of the exercise as I learned to follow the instructor’s admonishment to “enjoy the stretch.” But I’m a veteran hiker and beginner through advanced hikes are offered. We were forewarned that the beginner hike was a stroll in the park compared with the intermediate, and admittedly the guide took one look at Kathy and me (70-plus can be deceiving) and tried to talk us out of
it. But our experience on the Appalachian Trail over years stood us in good stead and the intermediate hike was not only eminently doable — but beautiful as well. And then there’s lunch. There are multiple choices for each meal plus daily specials, all calorie counted. Dinners — salad, entrée, veggie, dessert (and ohhh, those desserts!) are 600 calories; 1200 for the day. Did I mention there are also two daily snacks? Are they sure this is also a weight loss center? And it is, as many guests attested. Despite the campfire at
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the fire pit with S’mores. Okay, all sugar-free but still … And the cooking class with Karen, whose meal of jerk chicken with mango salsa, rice with pecans, and asparagus added a mere 200 extra calories. Or Mocktail Hour. What also makes the Deerfield experience so special is the ambiance, the camaraderie, the laid-back atmosphere where everything feels natural and comfortable. At times in the evening, after that night’s lecture — Top 20 Fitness Mistakes, Sleep Deprivation, Portion Control, Pilates as Aid for Back Pain and so many others — folks just hung out in the lounge, and with 80% of guests being repeat customers, the talk often turned to war stories accumulated over the years. It felt very much like a family. And that includes the staff, from whom a love for the spa readily radiates. That’s due in large part to owner Joan Wolff, whose mother started Deerfield in 1979. I was surprised to discover there’s no tipping allowed. As Joan explains: “The wait staff, trainers, masseuses and house keepers are never tipped as much as they deserve so it’s all processed into their salaries.” Which might explain why most of her staff have been there for more than 10 years. For more information, visit deerfieldspa.com.
Matt’s Butterfly
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By Bob Pano
Tania and Bob Pano
Matthew Pano of Westborough was only 18 years old when he passed away of bacterial menigitins in 1989. Shortly after his passing, his father Bob wrote this article where he shared how his family came to believe their beloved Matt was still with them, looking over and protecting them.
PHOTOS/SUBMITTED
Westborough - Matt was 18 when he died, one of three children in our family. We had always made it a point to do things as a family unit, even though at times it seemed as if everyone was going in different directions. Matt and his younger brother, Rob, 21, had spent wonderful years growing up together. Like two great friends, both of the boys enjoyed identical activities. Together, they participated in sports from Little League to high school football and baseball. They always respected and complimented each
other’s achievements. Every winter, they went off to conquer the toughest ski slopes in Vermont and New Hampshire, and later they proudly displayed their bruises and bumps to prove it. They were close buddies in
the truest sense, and they loved each other’s company. I can still see them wrestling like two playful bears on the floor or on their beds, and Matt was usually on the bottom despite his larger frame. Somehow I always got the feeling that Matt had
• 13
never unleashed all his strength. Some called him, “The Gentle Bear”. Matt’s sister, Penny, also enjoyed a special bond with him that developed even more during the summer they both visited friends in England and France. The ties between them grew even stronger as she enjoyed playing the role of big sister as well as mother. Looking ahead to the future, we seemed to have everything going for us as a family On May 6, 1989, however, our expectations suddenly underwent a wrenching alteration. Matt had shown signs of flu several days before, but we did not pursue it until his fever became dangerously high. On the morning of the 6th, we had to hospitalize him, and it wasn’t until the very last moment that we discovered he had bacterial meningitis. Within 12 horrifying hours this strong, healthy, likeable, fun-loving young man Matt’s Butterfly page 14
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Matt’s Butterfly Matt’s Butterfly Continued from page 13
PHOTO/SUBMITTED
with an impish smile was abruptly snatched from us. Matt’s last words to my wife, Tania, and me still echo so strongly within us. “Dad, Mom, am I going to die? I think I’m going to die...I love you.” We were thrown in a state of shock. It was a demonic nightmare, and we weren’t waking up. As the four of us sat in the waiting room that day, in complete shock, staring into empty space, the core of our beings was totally numb. His absence has left a gaping void in our lives that can never be filled. Where were you God? How could this be happening to us? Nearly 900 people attended the services — we were told that it was the church’s seating capacity. I never realized the impact my son had on so many people, both young and old.
Matthew Pano
As we try to live our lives without Matt, we struggle for answers. I cannot accept total detachment from my son as I ponder the questions of life and death. Something in us must survive — soul, spirit, being. Though I knew I had to let God handle those touchy questions, I needed reassurance and
some sign that Matt is in a better place. This, I knew, would be part of my life’s quest as I struggled to try and comprehend it all. Eventually, in my search for meaning, I came across a remarkable story of how a butterfly had spiritually transformed a grieving family. There was comfort in being reminded that coincidences are God’s way of remaining anonymous. I was so moved, that it was with a sense of hope and excitement that I related the butterfly story to Penny one day. Now, I realize that I was desperately trying to convince myself that there are things in this life that give evidence that our loved ones still exist and want us to have faith and know that they still love us very much. Several weeks passed after I had spoken with Penny about butterflies, and one day, she called from college.
“Dad, Dad,” she exclaimed in a voice filled with excitement and joy. “You’ll never believe what happened to me today! As I walked through a certain part of town, I was a little scared, but my attention was suddenly drawn to this particular parked car. I moved closer and there it was, a huge, Monarch butterfly. Remember that story you told me? I reached out my hand and it flew onto my finger. Suddenly, I lost any fear I had, and I felt as though Matt was comforting me.” Not only had the butterfly perched on Penny’s finger, but it stayed with her for nearly half an hour as she continued back to her dorm. All the while, the butterfly moved from one extended finger to the other in comforting assurance that everything would be okay. It seemed to be telling Penny, “Don’t be afraid, I’m with you. I love you.” Was this the sign I had hoped Matt’s Butterfly page 15
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Matt’s Butterfly Matt’s Butterfly Continued from page 14
for? I was overwhelmed with joy and excitement as I told Tania and Rob about Penny’s experience. This butterfly had begun to transform our lives. Matt, you are helping us to grow. We are reaching far beyond our wildest expectations. Is this how God shows His compassion to those of us who grieve? Does He heighten our sensitivity to nature and all living things as a way of widening our vision of the Divine? Had we peered through a small window to see the inner workings of our Creator? Was there more to come? Later, I received another convincing message when Penny came home for the weekend. I was in the kitchen when I heard Penny nearly fly down the staircase from her room. In a matter of moments, I was gazing upon a miraculous sight that I now real-
continues to love us as we love him. His message of love has given us hope and reason to continue living our lives to the fullest. Our lives will never be the same, and our wounds will never completely heal, but they shall be a reminder of our love for our son. We have received a message of love on the wings of one of God’s creatures, and we rejoice in that. Each day, we wake with anticipation. Who knows, somehow, somewhere, we may hear, “Hey Dad, Mom, Penny, Rob, come on now — it’s me Matt.”
All the while, the butterfly moved from one extended finger to the other in comforting assurance that everything would be okay. It seemed to be telling Penny, ‘Don’t be afraid, I’m with you. I love you.’ ize will impact us for the rest of our lives. While cleaning out a desk drawer, Penny had come across a colorful photograph of a butterfly in it’s natural setting. My heart raced as I gazed at the picture. Penny somehow sensed my anticipation that there was something more, and she anxiously said, “Now turn the picture over.” I can’t quite describe the feeling of exhilaration that came over me as I tried to comprehend it all in that split second, but there it was in his unmistakable handwriting, “MATTHEW”.
• 15
Somehow, some way, everything had been synchronized. Why had I selected the butterfly story? Why had I told it to Penny? How was it that Penny had come across a Monarch butterfly in a most coincidental time and way? How was it that an unlikely photograph, personally signed by my son, Matt, appeared at just the right moment? Why had Matt chosen to give Penny his picture of the butterfly? Through these events we have come to realize that Matt is still very close to us, and he
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Treasuring memories of sharing stages with music legends By Ed Karvoski Jr. Culture Editor
East Boston – After performing as a solo act in the 1970s, Pat Benti entertained New Englanders as lead vocalist of the Sha Boom Band from 1979 into the 2000s. In addition to working their club and concert gigs, the band became a popular opening act for music legends including his longtime idol, Roy Orbison. Among Benti’s favorite records as a teenager was Orbison’s “Pretty Woman.” Growing up in a neighborhood he describes as tough, Benti didn’t tell classmates about his musical interest until shortly before their 1967 graduation from East Boston High School. “I finally opened up and sang a song for our class day,” he shared. “It felt really great.” His studies continued at Boston Conservatory and Longy School of Music of Bard College.
Pat Benti
PHOTOS/SUBMITTED
Recognizing a nostalgia trend in 1979, he formed the Sha Boom Band. “We were one of the few groups doing oldies at the time,” he said. “We worked five to seven nights a week in the ‘80s.” From 1983 to 1992, the Sha Boom Band appeared regularly at the Hampton Beach, N.H., Club Casino (now known as Casino Ballroom). There, they
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Gathered at Lowell Memorial Auditorium in 2010 are (l to r) longtime friends Pat Benti and Tony Orlando with Tony DeMarco, the 1955 world welterweight champion, and the late Little Joe Cook of The Thrillers.
opened for headliners such as Gene Pitney, The Righteous Brothers and Southside Johnny. Most memorable for Benti was performing with Orbison. “I told the audience, ‘I’m
honored to share the stage with Roy Orbison, but my biggest thrill will be joining you and listening to his great voice,’” Benti relayed. Music Legends page 17
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• 17
Treasuring memories of sharing stages with music legends
PHOTOS/SUBMITTED
Above: Pat Benti sings for 1.5 million Boston Celtics’ fans at City Hall Plaza as they celebrate the team’s 16th NBA championship. Then-Mayor Raymond Flynn declared June 10, 1986 Celtics Pride Day. Right: Pat Benti wears a T-shirt displaying his 1971 single “From Sunset until Dawn,” recorded before he began as lead vocalist of the popular Sha Boom Band.
Music Legends Continued from page 16
The band also performed at the 1980s’ WODS Summer Concert Series, originally held at Boston City Hall Plaza. They opened for classic acts including Herb Reed of The Platters, Paul Revere & the Raiders, Johnny Rivers, Ronnie Spector, and Charlie Thomas of The Drifters. “It was a great setting with thousands of people singing along with us,” Benti recalled. Their largest audience at City Hall Plaza was Celtics Pride Day in 1986. Benti wrote and sang a song for the team’s 16th NBA championship rally. Celebrating with the teammates were 1.5 million fans, according to United Press International. Benti noted, “A reporter
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came up to me and asked, ‘Do you realize that you’ve got more people here than Woodstock?’” Remembering a particular show the band performed Dec. 6, 1988, still distresses Benti. He got several audience requests for Orbison songs. Early the next morning, a friend called to inform him that Orbison passed away of a heart attack the previous night. “I hung up the phone and put on the radio – Roy’s song ‘Blue Angel’ was playing,” he recounted. “I sat there, bawling my eyes out.” During spring 1989, Benti debuted his Orbison tribute show “In Dreams” and incorporated it into the Sha Boom Band performances. Returning to Hampton Beach that sum-
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mer, “In Dreams” opened for a Beatles tribute band in remembrance of the 1963 Beatles-Orbison U.K. tour. Observing the one-year anniversary of Orbison’s death,
Benti presented “In Dreams” on Dec. 6, 1989, at The Channel, a now-closed Boston nightclub. Proceeds benefitted the American Heart Association. Orbison had appeared at The Channel a few days before passing away. More recently, Benti opened for his longtime friend Tony Orlando in 2008 and 2010 at the Lowell Memorial Auditorium. In 2013, Orlando surprised Benti by inviting him onstage at Mohegan Sun to sing “Pretty Woman.” After performing at a Danvers club in 2014, Benti moved to Largo, Fla. He’s considering a return to the stage as long as it’s another well-produced show. “In Florida, singers work with music tracks; I’ve always had a full band with backup singers,” he said. “I’m the luckiest no-hit wonder to have shared stages with great singers. I treasure the memories.
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caregiving tips
Dementia and shower (bath) time By Micha Shalev MHA CDP CDCM
O
ne of the challenges in caring for someone with Alzheimer’s disease or another kind of dementia can be bath (or shower) time. Although some people with dementia don’t mind it, others are fearful and extremely resistive. When a person is combative or resistive with a bath or a shower, there can be many causes for their behavior. Here are a few possible ones: • Embarrassment - If a person is concerned about privacy, bathing with someone else present could make them feel very uncomfortable and embarrassed. • Fear of water - Some people are afraid of water, whether it’s due to some traumatic incident or just increased anxiety. Others react negatively especially to a shower since they may have always grown up with the routine of a bath. • Lack of understanding - A person with middle or later stage dementia might not understand
Caregiving Tips
One of the challenges in caring for someone with Alzheimer’s disease or another kind of dementia can be bath (or shower) time.
why you’re present, why you’re trying to take her clothes off or why she needs to be in the water and be washed. Understandably, this often causes significant resistance. Occasionally, the person with dementia may become sexually inappropriate during bathing because he does not understand why you are assisting him. If he misinterprets your help, don’t yell at him. Simply explain: “Mr. Smith, I’m a nurses’ aide and I’m here to help you bathe today. Your wife will be here soon to visit you.” Tips to improve bath time for the person with dementia 1. Prepare first- Have the soap and shampoo ready, as well as a large, warm towel. 2. Offer a choice between a bath or a shower - Some people might not have a strong preference, but for many, providing this choice (either to the person or to their family member who may be able to tell you what they have normally preferred) can improve the outcome. A lot
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of water in a tub may cause fear for some, while the spraying of a shower can make others anxious. 3. Adjust the time of day -If you don’t know the person’s typical routine, find out from the family if he would like to start his day out with a shower or enjoy a bath before bed. That’s an important routine for many people, so honoring that for a person with dementia can go a long way toward a good outcome for both the person and the caregiver. 4. Routine - As much as possible, stick to a routine, both as it relates to the time of day for a shower and the steps you use when helping the person bathe. Using a consistent caregiver to maintain this routine can also be very helpful to both the caregiver and the person with dementia. 5. Ensure a warm room temperature - Ensure that the room is warm enough. A cold room plus water does not equal a positive experience. 6. Encourage independence -If the person is able, ask them to wash themselves. Independence can restore a little bit of the dignity that’s lost when help is needed with bathing. 7. Offer a caregiver of the same sex to provide the bath If someone is embarrassed or becomes sexually inappropriate, offer a caregiver of the same sex to provide the shower. 8. Large bath towels or shower capes - Provide a large bath towel or a shower cape to offer some privacy and warmth.
9. Music - Use music in the bathroom to set the tone. Choose something the person with dementia enjoys and perhaps could join in the singing. 10. Pain relief - Be aware of the possibility that your loved one is resistant to a shower because he’s in pain. If that appears to be the case, speak to the physician about trying pain medication prior to his bath time. 11. Anti-anxiety medications - Some people experience so much anxiety that they might benefit from an anti-anxiety medication prior to their bath time. Be careful, however, that your goal is their comfort and that the medication would facilitate that comfort, rather than hasten your ability to cross a bath off your to-do list. A person with dementia still has the right to refuse a bath. 12. Humor - Don’t forget to use humor. Humor is a great tool to reduce anxiety, increase comfort and distract from the task at hand. 13. Spa-like atmosphere Create a pleasant setting. Rather than have the shower room look like a hospital, place some art on the walls, music in the air and invest in towel heater for comfort. 14. Doctor’s orders - Reminding a person who is resistive to bathing that the doctor wants them to take a bath might be helpful and temporarily direct his irritation toward the physician rather than you. 15. Consider using a norinse soap and shampoo - If a longer bath time increases anxiety, you can shorten the process by using no-rinse products. 16. Use different words“Let’s wash up” - Some people react to specific words such as “shower time.” Try naming it “washing up” or “getting ready for the day.” 17. Hire an experienced home health care aide - Some Dementia page 20
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money matters
• 19
Reverse mortgages – What’s the process? By Alain Valles, CRMP, MBA, CSA Managing Director Helping Hands Community Partners, Inc.
T
oo many ads and TV commercials only highlight the benefits of reverse m o r t gages, and are silent about the cost and risks. As Managing Director of Helping Hands C o m munity Par tners, Inc., a 501(c)(3) nonprofit, our mission is to educate people
Reverse Mortgage
about senior housing options and, when appropriate, arrange a reverse mortgage for qualified individuals. Get accurate information The first step regarding reverse mortgages is to get accurate information. Reverse mortgages are a government insured home loan program that allows qualified senior homeowners the ability to access cash whenever needed in the form of a lump sum, monthly amount, and/or a line of credit. For thousands of people, this has been an excellent approach to having extra cashflow for retirement, home repairs, paying off credit cards and other debts, medical expenses, divorce, back real estate taxes, or just peace of mind knowing money is available if needed.
How do I qualify for a reverse mortgage? The following are the initial questions that we ask to determine if you qualify: • Age (at least one homeowner must be at least 62 years old) • Property type (single family, condo, or multifamily) • Estimated home value (must be your primary residence) • Current mortgage balance, if any (property does not have to be free and clear) • Have the real estate taxes and insurance been paid on time for the past two years (if not, you may still qualify) • Source and amount of monthly income How much money can I get? Based on the answers you share with us, we then calculate the maximum available reverse
mortgage benefits. We never encourage you to borrow the maximum amount. The total amount is different for everyone so it’s important to obtain a specific comparison of different options for your situation. Just give us a call or email. What is the first step in the process? The first step is to call or email us. We’ll review your personal situation, goals and begin discussing if you qualify. If you’re interested in more information, we will meet with you to review the cost, benefits, guidelines, forms, counseling requirements and different options to receiving the cash. Our goal is to share information with you so that you may make a fully educated decision if a reverse mortgage is right for you.
SUPER CROSSWORD PUZZLE
Reverse mortgage page 20
“Seeing Things” (answers on page 20)
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When I turn 80 I’m going to get a cat By Marianne Delorey, Ph.D.
H
eather spent her life as a caregiver. First, she took care of her children. Then, she made her career in nursing. Later, the grandchildren came along. Now, at 75, she thinks she wants a break from taking care of everyone, but e v e n t u a l l y, she wants to share her home with a cat. From a l a n d l o r d ’s perspective, animals are more of a nuisance than a benefit. Dogs vomit on the rug. Cats miss the litter box. Noises and allergens sometimes bother neighbors. In elderly housing, if someone goes to the hospital unexpectedly, we have to worry about who is coming in to feed the animals. We’ve had to force people to give up aggressive dogs and surrender neglected cats. There is little reason for a
Housing Options
landlord to promote pet ownership. That is, unless the landlord is smart. While apartments with certain HUD funding require landlords to accept “common household pets,” many landlords take a more lenient stance on sharing their apartments with cats and dogs for a variety of reasons. First, by accepting pets, landlords expand their applicant pool as a full 68 percent of American households have a pet. Since only 55 percent of landlords allow pets, getting a tenant who is allowed to keep their pet often results in a loyal renter who stays longer. Additionally, research indicates that pet owners are happier and healthier people. Doing business with someone who is already happy makes life a lot easier. But pets offer a great number of health benefits to their owners as well. Pets can lower blood pressure, reduce stress hormones, combat loneliness and depression, and offer their humans more physical activity. Even as an animal lover,
Dementia and shower (bath) time Dementia Continued from page 18
people respond better to someone who is not a family member when it comes to an intimate task like bathing. 18. Try a different family member - It’s not unusual for different family members to receive different reactions. If your mother is extremely resistant to your help with a shower, perhaps your sister may have more success. 19. Assist with sponge bathing if necessary - The ideal may be a shower or a bath, but you might still be able to accomplish
the goal by sponge bathing. If bathing presents a constant battle, choose to set aside that battle and encourage your loved one to sponge bathe. Other safety tips: • Offer a shower chair. • Ensure that the water temperature is not too hot. • Don’t leave a person with dementia alone in a shower or a bath. • Install grab bars. • Place non-slip decals or mats in the tub and on the floor. • Don’t store cleaning products in the bathroom.
Micha Shalev MHA CDP CDCM CADDCT is the co-owner of The Oasis at Dodge Park, Dodge Park Residential Care and The Adult Day Club at Dodge Park located at 101 and 102 Randolph Road in Worcester. He is holding a master degree in health care management and a graduate of the National Council of Certified Dementia Practitioners program, and well-known speaker covering Alzheimer’s and dementia training topics. He can be reached at 508-853-8180 or by e-mail at m.shalev@ dodgepark.com. For more articles visit www.fiftyplusadvocate.com.
I recognize that not everyone should have a pet. There are time constraints and financial costs to pet ownership that not everyone can bear. However, there are also ways to benefit from pets that reduce these burdens. If your landlord permits it, perhaps you can do one of the following: Foster an animal for a local shelter – Most shelters have a network of homes that keep adoptable animals when the shelter is crowded until they have space. Many shelters will provide the food and medical care for these animals while they wait at your house. Arrange for a visiting pet – Many shelters and some therapy organizations can arrange to have a pet come visit groups of people. Some shelters see this as an opportunity to encourage adoption or do community outreach. Therapists often use animals to help draw people into a community or get people to participate in their recovery. Visit with or pet sit for a neighbor – Every day I see a resident walk her neighbor’s dog – not because her neighbor needs help but because she loves dogs so much. Another resident helps her neighbor’s cat work off some energy with laser light playtime. Pet sharing – There is a growing trend called pet sharing that allows people to split the time and expense of a pet among different families. This would be ideal in elderly housing – if one owner is sick and can’t walk the dog or if another goes in the hospital, there is always someone who can care for the pet. As for Heather, I am hoping she will reconsider her wait. We are never too old to give and receive love and that is what pets remind us. As I have said about my own cat, she rescued me just after I rescued her. Marianne Delorey, Ph.D. is the executive director of Colony Retirement Homes. She can be reached at 508-755-0444 or mdelorey@colonyretirement.com and www.colonyretirementhomes. com. Archives of articles from previous issues can be read at www. fiftyplusadvocate.com
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Do you believe, as we do, that those of us over 50 are vibrant, engaged, and talented, and deserves to be showcased? Are you looking for flexible part-time income? Do you have an interest in writing? If you said “yes” to any of these questions, then we should talk. The Fifty Plus Advocate (est. 1974) is the state’s largest circulation newspaper for people age 50 and over. We believe that this age group is vibrant, engaged, and talented, and deserves to be showcased. We are looking for freelancers to join our team covering things such as: • Human interest stories • Legislative issues • Arts and Entertainment • Second stage of careers This is your chance to share your passion in print, on our website and on social media! If interested, contact Managing Editor Bonnie Adams at 508-355-5500, ext. 14 or news@communityadvocate.com.
Answers to Super Crossword (puzzle on page 19)
Lessons from a broken toe
www.fiftyplusadvocate.com + September 2018 + fiftyplus advocate
By Janice Lindsay
T
ake my advice: Do not break your toe. You might think, “I have ten toes. What difference does it make if one gets a bit broken? Especially if it’s the littlest toe on my left foot.” You would be so wrong. I never would have thought that one little toe could cause so much pain. Call this a learning experience. I don’t know when and how I broke my toe. But one summer day, I tried to take a walk and — OW! After a few steps, I limped back to the house and jettisoned my shoe. I shuffled to the doctor’s office. The X-ray showed no break which, I learned later, is not unusual in the early days of a small break. A few days later, I happened to visit a different doctor who said, “I’ve seen lots of broken toes, and this is one of them.” The standard treatment for a broken little toe is to wrap it to the next toe so that it can’t move too much as it heals.
Inklings
What difference does it make if one gets a bit broken? Especially if it’s the littlest toe on my left foot. You would be so wrong. I learned that a broken toe, while it causes intense pain, does not invite sympathy because, like so many ills, it’s invisible. You’re not hobbling around on crutches, or wearing a sling or bandages, so nobody knows you’re broken unless you tell them. People did not seem to notice that I was wearing a pair of worn-out old running shoes that belonged at the dump, but that fortuitously sported many holes including one pressure-relieving gap strategically located at the site of the miscreant toe. Or maybe they noticed my old sneakers and just thought I was being eccentric. My holey sneaker got less practical as cold, sometimes wet, fall weather began to roll in. Learning experience: Healing can be extremely, frustratingly, slow. We expect to feel a little bit better every day, but that’s not how it works. We
Reverse mortgages – What’s the process? Reverse mortgage Continued from page 19
Is there any information you can send me? Yes. A great place to get information is the free “How to Use Your Home to Stay at Home” book. This is the official reverse mortgage consumer booklet approved by the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development and published by the National Council
on Aging. The free “25 Ways to Use a Reverse Mortgage” from the National Reverse Mortgage Lenders Association lists the many ways a reverse Mortgage can help with retirement. Please give me a call or email with your questions and to receive your free copy of “Use Your Home to Stay at Home” and “25 Ways to Use a Reverse Mortgage.”
Alain Valles is Managing Director of Helping Hands Community Partners, Inc. and was the first designated Certified Reverse Mortgage Professional in New England. He obtained a Master of Science from the M.I.T. Center for Real Estate, an MBA from the Wharton School, and graduated summa cum laude from UMass Amherst. Alain can be reached directly at 781-724-6221 or by email at av@hhcp.org. Archives of articles from previous issues can be read at www.fiftyplusadvocate.com.
shuffle two steps forward, one step back, which is almost literal in the case of a broken toe. And as we heal, we create small interim goals for ourselves. First, I wanted to be able to walk comfortably in the house in my socks. Then, I wanted to walk in my old holey sneakers so that I could at least do grocery shopping. Next, I wanted to walk in less holey sneakers, that were a little bit newer and less embarrassingly ugly then the old ones, but soft and comfortable. Finally, I wanted to accomplish the rest of healing, without major pain,
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wearing regular walking shoes that kept my feet warm and dry. Sometimes, at the supermarket, I’ve seen a man or woman lean into the grocery cart, supporting some of his or her weight on the cart as it rolls along. I know why they do that. They have a broken toe! Or maybe something else that’s broken. I learned the technique myself. It works very well. So I learned that we humans adapt to our circumstances, doing whatever’s necessary to keep us going. A final thing I learned from my broken toe is this: It helps you sympathize with other people who are healing from a hurt, visible or invisible. As I shuffled through the supermarket, leaning into my cart, I thought, “Other shoppers, I hope that whatever is broken in your life can be mended. My pain will go away eventually, and I hope yours will, too.”
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Brockton brothers: Still two–stepping after 50 years
A 501(c)(3) non-profit charitable organization
A Reverse Mortgage is not for everyone. But everyone should know the facts about a Reverse Mortgage and how it works. Helping Hands Community Partners, Inc., is a non-profit 501(c)(3) with a mission of educating senior homeowners about housing options. We can explain and, when appropriate, arrange reverse mortgages. Call or email to receive a FREE copy of the National Council on Aging’s 36-page “Use Your Home to Stay at Home,” consumer booklet.
ge m o r tg a everse r d l e ia v ic o T h e o ff r b o o k le ta p p r e t c o n s u m . D e p a r tm e n .S U e th by s in g of Hou n a b r &U pment lo e v e D
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www.helpinghandscommunitypartners.org 40 Accord Park Drive – Suite 203 – Norwell, MA 02061
Robert (left) and Lance Williams perform at the Angry Ham’s Grill in Framingham. By Janice Elizabeth Berte Contributing Writer
Brockton - It’s 1968 in the housing development of Roxbury, Mass. A seven-year-old boy named Robert Williams and his younger brother Lance are singing and dancing in front of an audience. The young boys captivate their friends and family members with their soulful voices and dance moves. This performance was not unusual for Robert and Lance. Their mother Ethel came from a musical background and had many entertainers in her family. Their father was a singer as well. And now, some five decades later, the brothers continue to share their love of music with fans all over New England. As children, Robert was the quiet laid back brother, and Lance was more gregarious. Growing up, they frequented the neighborhood venue, the Soul Incorporate. This center allowed children to work on their singing skills, and eventually led the Williams brothers to form their first band, The Destinations. This R&B and soul band, which also
PHOTOS/SUBMITTED
had three other local kids, was managed by Ethel. Their talent band got them many paid gigs in the community. One of the more memorable moments for the brothers was when they met the legendary entertainer Diana Ross. “My mother was a waitress at a club called Basin Street in the South End of Boston, and she couldn’t get a babysitter so we tagged along with her,” Robert recalled. “Diana Ross happened to be singing that night, and my brother charmed Diana into dancing with him. It was truly a night we will never forget.” Being so young, and having a grueling rehearsal schedule, The Destinations decided to split up in 1970. After taking a well-deserved year off, Robert and Lance, along with two other friends got the entertainment bug again, and decided to participate in the talent show at the Roxbury Boys Club. They decided to sing two of The Temptations songs, Losing You and Get Ready. With less than a week to practice, they won first place and Lance dazzled the audience with some of his Brothers page 23
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Brockton brothers: Still two–stepping after 50 years Brothers Continued from page 19
James Brown moves. This kind of excitement and adulation spurred them on to start another group, The Soul Descendants. Their mother was still managing them, but schooling and their intense rehearsal schedule put a lot of stress on the band. This again resulted in a split after four years. “The rehearsals were like going to a real job. Taking music lessons at the Elma Lewis School of Fine Arts, and performing all around Boston, we decided it was best to part ways from the band,” Robert noted. Over the ensuing years, the brothers took other breaks and assessed their goals and dreams, until they joined Style, where they opened for the original Delfonics, Blue Magic, The Manhattans and The Blue Notes. Style split up in 2004. In 2015, while they were both living in Brockton, the performing bug struck again. Calls were made to musicians and vocalists and a new band was formed, called Perfect Touch, which was then changed to Perfect Example Show Band. For the Williams brothers, the musical journey has been riddled with long rehearsals, hard work and breakups. But this soulful duo has sustained the test of time in persevering in a tough industry. Their love for bringing back the old Motown classics with their two-stepping and fun loving ways continues to delight their fans. For www.perfectexampleshowband.com and on Facebook.
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Right: Lance (left) and Robert Williams, the lead singers of the Perfect Example Show Band
Left: Lance (left) and Robert Williams perform on stage at the Salem, Mass. Willows Park.
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