COECT EXCLUSIVE MAGAZINE
T.I.P.s
Trauma Informed Parents IN THIS ISSUE:
ISSUE No. 4 July 2023
WHERE DO I START? THE BASICS OF THERAPEUTIC PARENTING
TAILS FROM DOG THERAPY The benefits of working with our four- legged friends
WHAT'S ON? Events online and in your area
Wellbeing -
From feeling rubbish to feeling good!
Photo:: © CoECT
Schools Out! The Summer Holidays Survival guide
FALSE ALLEGATIONS Dealing with the Fallout
In this issue CoECT News
Page 1
Editor's Note
Page 2
Meet the Team!
Page 3
TAILS from Dog Therapy
Page 4
Schools Out - It's that time again!
Page 6
Wellbeing - From Feeling Rubbish to Feeling Good!
Page 9
Ask the Experts
Page 12
False Allegations - Why they Happen and What to do
Page 14
What's on Where? – Events and Connections
Page 16
Listening Circle Viewpoint
Page 18
Trauma-Informed Qualifications
Page 19
Where do I start? - The basics of Therapeutic Parenting
Page 20
Annual Conference 'Making the Change - Trauma Informed Teaching'
Page 22
www.coect.co.uk To advertise with us contact: tips@coect.co.uk ISSUE 4
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COECT News Update True Fostering After a period of nearly four years, the Ofsted inspection of True Fostering took place last week. As with many fostering agencies, the three yearly cycle was exceeded due to Covid. Inspections are very thorough and last a whole week, with the inspector talking to foster parents, children and staff. In addition, our inspector attended a training event, observed Fostering Panel and spoke to the Agency’s senior managers. The inspector was highly impressed by the innovative practice and gave the Agency positive feedback on the final day. We are now awaiting a report once it has been through the QA process and the judgement has been officially signed off. There will be more on this in the next issue when we will be able to share the findings and the judgement. TRUE Fostering are also delighted to have developed a new ‘pod’ of foster families in East Anglia. In addition to a new Therapeutic Social Worker, the area will have its own Professional Therapeutic Development Group (Therapeutic Support Group) and a dedicated Child Support Worker will be recruited. In addition, to help manage the growth across the agency, another administrator will be recruited to help with the smooth running of the agency. The CoECT schools team are excited to announce that their new book 'The A-Z of Trauma Informed Teaching' is now available to pre order on Amazon and through other good book stores. The book is set out in a similar style of Sarah Naish’s 'A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting', and is packed full of strategies to support children in the educational environment. The book can be pre-ordered on Amazon using this link tinyurl.com/y6zy6krz
Training News The Trainers at Inspire Training Group have been busy providing virtual training for Australia this month. We have also been busy scheduling training for the next academic year for schools and universities. You can find our new bespoke training to compliment University Undergraduate Courses in our brochure which can be found here.
Stop Press! Get breaking new info on our brand new inspirational courses for Kinship/ Connected Carers with Enza Smith MBE (Head of Kinship Carers UK) and Sarah Naish. Book early to avoid disappointment. Contact Inspire@coect.co.uk
Wellbeing News Congratulations to The Haven Parenting & Wellbeing Centre Ltd for winning the Coaching Award for the South West in the LUXLife Magazine Health, Beauty and Wellness Awards 2023!
SAfER Fostering. Our recently purchased caravan at Haven Holiday Village, Burnham-on-Sea will be let out this weekend to our first foster parents. The caravan was purchased so that foster families can have free holidays in a child friendly setting that they can return to again and again for consistency for the foster children. The Agency is looking forward to seeing the holiday photos! Safer Fostering is experiencing growth across Wales. A new Therapeutic Social Worker is being sought in the South East of the country to help support our foster families. ISSUE 4
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Editor’s Note Welcome Everyone, The academic year is nearly over, this can bring mixed emotions for children and their families as we approach the end of term for school. Across the companies which are part of CoECT, we have supported families to navigate this time of year, the transitions, the goodbyes, and the end-of-term events like sports days, exams, and end-of-year leavers celebrations. We wish all the children and young people transitioning on to pastures new, good luck in their future adventures. Next month brings the launch of the new A-Z of Trauma-informed Teaching book which the CoECT schools team have been working on. The book launches on 21st August and we are looking forward to sharing our perspectives, strategies and solutions relating to Trauma Informed Teaching at the Annual CoECT Conference in October. You are invited to our virtual launch event for the book on Monday 14 August, more details can be found on page 16 of this issue. In this issue, we explore the benefits of therapy dogs with Rachael and her therapy dog Buddy. As the summer holidays approach we take a look at how to manage the summer holidays, with strategies to use before, during and after. Emma takes us through the basics of therapeutic parenting, and Amy tells her well-being journey. Also, our Ask the Experts section focuses on lying and stealing in this issue of the magazine. Back in January, at the start of the year, Sarah, myself and the team behind the TIPs magazine could have never imagined how popular it would be. It is good to know that we are able to reach so many parents and professionals through our electronic and printed copies of the magazine. Thank you everyone, for spreading the word, and sharing the TIPs magazine, we hope it has helped many parents, families and supporting professionals so far. Best wishes
Sair, Sarah and the team at The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma ISSUE 4
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Meet the Team! The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma is made up of a team of experts who have essential real-life experience. We are Adopters, Foster Parents and Bio parents of neuro diverse children, and also work as professionals in the field.
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Executive Editor - Sarah Naish Sarah is a Therapeutic Parent, an Adopter of five siblings, former Foster Parent, retired Social Worker, Best selling international Author, Keynote Speaker and founder of three Independent Therapeutic Fostering Agencies.
Executive Editor - Sair Penna Sair (Sarah) is a Therapeutic Parent, Trainer, and Therapeutic Parenting Coach. Director of NATP, and Independent Panel Chair for two Therapeutic Fostering Agencies.
Managing Editor - Kathryn Talbot Kathryn works across CoECT, specialising in communications and public relations.
Contributor - Emma Edwards Emma is a Therapeutic Parent, Adopter, Director of NATP and The Haven Parenting and Wellbeing Centre.
Contributor - Sarah Dillon Sarah is a Therapeutic Parent, an Attachment Therapist, Keynote speaker, former child in care, Author (Therapeutic Parenting) Head of Therapeutic Services (Fostering).
Contributor - Alison Douglas Alison is a Therapeutic Parent, Adopter, Social Worker and Operations Manager in two Fostering Agencies. Alison is also Safeguarding Lead at NATP.
Contributor - Jane Mitchell Jane is a Therapeutic Parent, Adopter and Keynote Speaker, Author and Head of Family Stability in two Therapeutic Fostering Agencies .
Contributor - Amy Johnson Amy is a Therapeutic Parent, former social worker and passionate self-care advocate, she runs a health and wellness business and is co-director of a social enterprise about emotional well-being.
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TAILS from Dog Therapy "Dogs definitely have a place in the therapy room – I call Buddy my cotherapist!" Written by Rachael Gotham
I
've been working as a Play & Creative Art therapist for about 14 years, and despite having a well-stocked playroom and therapy suite I started taking Buddy my dog
with me as an extra addition a few years ago – the results I found were quite astounding and his intuition left me feeling somewhat wowed. How does he always seem to know what the children need? Many of the children I see are often wary and resistant to the therapy process and given their histories of developmental trauma this is to be expected. "Who is this lady?", "Why should I trust her?", "How is she going to help me?", "I don’t need therapy!" are some of the questions and statements the children have been able to share. Buddy’s role varies depending on the young person present, but he is definitely part of the conversation providing a positive presence in the room with unconditional love and without judgement. He enthusiastically greets each and every one as they arrive and for some children, this is their first experience of such a warm, eager, excited and I’m so pleased to see you hello. I remember one child would ask each week, ‘Why is Buddy behaving ISSUE 4
Photo: Buddy The Therapy Dog ©Rachael Gotham
like that?’ and I would say ‘Because he’s pleased to see you.’ 'Do you think he likes me Rachael?' they would reply. I would always confirm this, yes, he likes you, can you tell he likes you by the greeting he gives you? Each week we had the same conversation and each week I was asked, does Buddy like me? Each week I gave the same answer and confirmed that yes Buddy likes you. 25 sessions later when this child arrived and received the same enthusiastic greeting, he turned to me with a huge smile on his face and said,’ he likes me Rachael doesn’t he?’ The difference this week after the same repeated experience was that the child didn’t need me to tell him that yes Buddy likes him, he was able to recognise this and more so feel it for himself – this was a very special and poignant moment not only for the child but for Buddy and I too.
Another special moment was when a child with complex eating needs began to explore with the snacks and drinks freely available in the room and subsequently into his home environment too. During his initial sessions, this child would arrive without having eaten breakfast and having thrown back his snacks and lunch to his carers. This child would frequently go without food or drink for the whole day. Buddy always seemed to know it was the day we saw this child and every week would refuse to eat his breakfast too. 'Can we take Buddy for a walk?' the child would ask when he arrived. Soon, I would reply, 'he needs to have his breakfast first, so he’s fuelled up and ready for the day.' Buddy would then happily and quickly munch through everything on offer and be ready to go. T.I.P'S MAGAZINE
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This child soon began to take charge of preparing and making sure Buddy had eaten and always offered him a drink on our return from our walk. As we walked, we often chatted and not having direct eye contact and Buddy to focus on made for a much more comfortable and less intense setting for this child who found the therapy room too formal an environment. Buddy evoked lots of topics of conversation and indirectly supported the child to begin to share some of his own past experiences. I’ve noticed a huge difference in all of the children’s engagement within the presence of Buddy, their defences noticeably lessen, and they clearly enjoy having him present in their sessions. I’m not at all offended when they tell me that they come to see him. They always check that he’s going to be there the following week which is another way of them indirectly letting me know that they’ll be back next week too.
Buddy has most definitely enhanced the children’s sense of safety and provided a wealth of opportunities for insight and healing, he is like a lovable teddy bear both in looks and temperament and has been a fantastic addition to the therapy room.
To advertise with us contact: tips@coect.co.uk www.coect.co.uk
A day in the life of Molly the CoECT Office Dog Molly is an 11 year old Shih Tzu and she spends her week days being part of the office team as the official CoECT office dog. A day in life of Molly normally consists of walking into work with her owner. She then spends time enthusiastically greeting everyone first thing in the morning, mainly to see if anyone has any new treats for her. Chicken and Ham is definitely the winner! She likes to have lots of cuddles with everyone in the office and this takes up most of her day to ensure she spends time with everyone and they are happy. Molly is part of the team in many ways and has even joined in with the Team's Yoga Sessions. After a busy time supporting her co-workers Molly likes to sleep on her own office chair and spends a lot of time snoring after her crazy zoomies!
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School's Out - It's that time again! Managing the Summer Holidays Written By Sarah Naish (Excerpt from The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting)
©Dayis from Getty Images via www.canva.com
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t’s really important that we completely change our idea about what ‘holiday’ actually means. In the past ‘holiday’ may have meant, rest, relaxation and a break from routine. When we are caring for children who have suffered trauma there can be no real break in routine, and often the behaviours and challenges we faced at home are magnified when on holiday. I do not say this to worry you, as you may be lucky and have some really excellent holidays, but it is important to stay realistic and think practically about what your child can cope with, rather than what we would like to do. Step away from any notion that your child will be grateful to you for providing such a lovely holiday. In reality, they may only appreciate the holiday in retrospect and on video!
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Preventative strategies Minimise your child’s exposure to end of term stress such as leavers ceremonies etc. (see School issues). Planning is key! If you are approaching long school holidays, invest in a wipe off planner. This can be monthly or weekly. Place the planner in a visible area. Use different colours for each child. The planner does not have to be full of complex, expensive arrangements. The important thing here is to ensure each child has something written down for every day, morning and afternoon. Holiday Planner Whether you are staying at home or going away, establish a
‘holiday routine’. Naturally there will be less time pressure than school days, but your children will be able to relax much more if they can continue to predict their environment, and boundaries remain in place. If you are planning on going away, do not share information about this too early. The longer your child has to think about the holiday, the longer they have to feel anxious, or to escalate their behaviour to remind you that they ‘are not worthy’ of such rewards. Down play the whole ‘going on holiday’ anticipation. I used to a appear a bit disappointed that I had to go on holiday!
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If you are flying, if possible visit the airport for a day out prior. This does not need to be connected to the holiday verbally at the time. Self-catering may be the best option, where you can keep to a familiar routine and children can have their own space, (and you can have yours)! You may find you have an easier time if you return to the same holiday destination for the first few years. This builds resilience in your children as they learn to relax in a different environment. When travelling, ensure that one adult is the person ‘in charge’. This person will have the tickets and be the one looking confident about all arrangements. If you show doubt or hesitancy it’s likely that your child will jump into the void and feel compelled to be the one ‘in charge. Your child will be watching you closely when you are in any kind of transitional state. Remember that a holiday may not feel like a holiday to you. Plan a brain-break (respite), and recovery time for yourself both during the school holidays and afterwards. When you are going away, if you have another adult with you, plan in advance time alone for each person. If you plan to use night time driving in the hope that the child will sleep, be aware that your child may be hypervigilant/ over excited and be unable to sleep. This can contribute to a very tense start to a holiday. If travelling by car, remember to ensure that each child has their own specific place which is not changed. Pack a bag with one ‘present’ per hour which can be given to the children. These do not have to be expensive, but can be small novelty items. Use electronic equipment sparingly in the days before a long journey. This way the child may have games and apps they want to catch up with. ISSUE 4
Excerpt from The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting
Strategies during
Use empathic commentary to express what you feel your child is During school holidays bear in feeling. Where there is an mind that our children often suffer escalation in angry or otherwise from sensory overload, so avoid challenging behaviour, don’t be having too many exciting afraid to relate the behaviour activities close together. back to being on holiday. ‘It must Explore ‘Day Camps’ and see if be really hard to feel so cross you can enrol your child, even if it about not seeing your friends at is only for a few half days during school. I know in the past you said the holiday. If they can manage goodbye to people and didn’t see this it may help them stay in them again. It could be that you contact with people they know are worried you won’t see your from school. teacher again either?’ Low key activities such as picnics When planning recovery time for in a tent in the garden, paddling yourself during the school pools etc. can be reassuring and holidays, do not share the real easier for everyone to manage. purpose of your time with the If you have planned a day out, do children. The more boring and not be tempted to share this uninteresting you can make it ahead of time with the children. sound, the less likely it is that the Something may occur which children will insist on makes it impossible to go and this accompanying you, or trying to leads to a lack of trust. Plan in prevent you leaving. your head that you will be going on the trip out on a certain day, Strategies after then share that information with the children on the morning of As the school holidays come to an that day. end there is likely to be an Ensure you have made reciprocal escalation of anxiety around arrangements with other returning to school. It is a good therapeutic parents. This means idea to refrain from mentioning that your children will be able to how long it is until the return to have periods away from the school, unless it is very near. home in an environment where T.I.P'S MAGAZINE
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Do a review of the holidays. Write down what worked well and what you need to avoid. It’s amazing
Surviving the Holidays Webinar
how quickly we forget. Use this as the basis for your planning and preparation for the next holiday Depending on the age and emotional age of your children, explore youth groups such as Cubs, Guides, Army Cadets etc. If your child can manage structured time away, then by joining one of these groups they are likely to be included in a weekend camp. Army Cadets go away for a twoweek camp, and I have often found that children with a trauma background do very well in this structured environment.
Holidays can be stressful for parents and children This informative short set of three videos gives parents and carers strategies to; Manage end-of-term stresses when routines change Help to manage long school holidays Have more successful, less stressful family holidays away Click here to find out more: https://tinyurl.com/2s3kw9mw
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