Thrive Mentor Guide by christchapelbc

MENTOR GUIDE

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ISBN 979-8-9875989-2-4

Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Citizens Church 4501 Legacy Dr Plano, TX 75024 www.citizenschurch.com

ORIGINAL CONTENT AUTHOR: Michael Snetzer

M entor ing

Overview & Expectations

Mentor Training Guide

Introduction To Biblical Counseling

The following overview is provided to differentiate biblical counseling from that which is offered through the world. Biblical counseling is distinct as it is rooted in the Scriptures, aimed at the heart with the gospel of Jesus Christ and exhorts the greatest command.

ROOTED IN THE SCRIPTURES

1 CORINTHIANS 1:20

Where is the one who is wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?

ECCLESIASTES 12:11-12a

The words of the wise are like goads, and like nails firmly fixed are the collected sayings; they are given by one Shepherd. My son, beware of anything beyond these.

WISDOM OF GOD VS. MAN

Rightly understood, all wisdom can fit into one of two buckets. Scripture defines these buckets as the wisdom of man/world and the wisdom of God (1 Corinthians 1-3). These two worldviews are ways of interpreting what is seen. If it is true, it belongs to him, to his praise and glory. These two viewpoints see the other as foolish and are therefore in opposition to one another. Attempting to combine this wisdom is a theological error called syncretism.

The wisdom of God is displayed in Jesus Christ and all of creation exists to bring Him glory. The wisdom of man/world might be described as “satanically controlled culture” and is meant to reinterpret what is seen to lead us away from God and to orient our lives around ourselves. The wisdom of man/world has limitations because its interpretation is based in speculation where the wisdom of God is based in revelation (both general and special).

THE ROOT-FRUIT RELATIONSHIP

JEREMIAH 17:5-8

Thus says the Lord: “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord. He is like a shrub in the desert, and shall not see any

good come. He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness, in an uninhabited salt land.

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.”

As can be seen in the passage above, buying into these different sources of wisdom will lead to much different lives. One is fruitful and one is fruitless. The fruit of a person’s life will indicate the root of their life. Those that put their trust in God and His Word and are nourished by the living waters of Christ will bear good fruit amidst difficult circumstances, and those who trust in man and the world will end up barren and desolate.

AIMED AT THE HEART

JEREMIAH 17:9-10a

The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick; who can understand it? “I the LORD search the heart and test the mind …”

TARGETING SYMPTOMS VS. ROOT CAUSES

Treating symptoms has been described as, “giving aspirin to a man for a headache caused by a brain tumor.” It may relieve my headache for a time, but does nothing to fix the brain tumor. The above text tells us that we have spiritual heart disease, namely sin, which hinders our ability to see rightly. Our hearts are the wellspring of our lives and from it comes our thoughts, actions and affections. Secular approaches to counseling treat symptoms focused on behavior, cognitions and emotions but fail to address the deeper issues of the heart, namely pride and idolatry. We are, however, not left without hope as God understands our hearts and has given us insights through His Word to explain the inner workings of man. God pursues the hearts of His people and will not rest until He wins them entirely.

INFLUENCES ON THE HEART:

THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST

1 CORINTHIANS 1:24

but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God.

The gospel of Jesus Christ is the unfolding plan of God to redeem His people. As we come to understand that the cause of all human suffering is sin, any promise of ultimately conquering the problem and the ensuing suffering apart from the gospel falls terribly short of the hope of redemption found in Jesus. Jesus captivates our hearts as He lovingly lays down His life as a ransom for our redemption. Our hope is to connect the truths of the gospel to our everyday struggles so we might rejoice in the superiority of the gospel as the remedy to all that ails us.

EXHORTING THE GREATEST COMMAND

MARK 12:29-31

“‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you should love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’

The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’

There is no commandment greater than these.”

All sin stems from disordered love. We worship what is uppermost in our affections. When we sin we love something more than we love God and give the worship that is rightly His to another. This is called idolatry. We have a bent toward worship of the creation rather than the Creator. We are willing to sin against God to get the things we want.

Through the gospel we are given new hearts with the reordering of His creative design and reorientation of our hearts in worship to Him. As our hearts are reconciled to His, we will progressively reflect Christ in the way that we love others.

Understanding t he Soul Care Big Picture

Soul Care offers targeted discipleship in the area of sin and suffering through the model of Care-Restore-Equip Soul Care offers:

Individual Care

• One-on-one Counseling

• Prayer Ministry

• Marriage Mentoring

Group Care Equipping

• Recovery groups

• re|engage (marriage)

• AVENEW (premarital)

• GriefShare

• Wait With Me (infertility)

• Hope Unshakeable (Child Loss)

• Redeemed Sexuality, etc.

1. Caring for One Another; Side by Side

2. Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands

3. Equipped to Counsel

4. Ongoing training and supervision, conferences, etc.

Care Groups are designed to be a pre- or post-cursor to Thrive, our intensive discipleship program in the area of sin and suffering, which is offered in the fall and spring semesters.

All Soul Care groups are designed to have counseling undertones. This means that the groups are designed for people to process out loud in the group vs. ‘teaching’ in the groups. There is great healing power in having a safe group of people to process our feelings, emotions, hurts, suffering, and confess our sin struggles.

Understanding Thrive

The mission of Thrive, is to bring glory to God through lives changed by the gospel of Jesus. Thrive’s intensive discipleship program is comprised of daily Bible study and reflection, assessments, one-on-one mentoring, small group and teaching. Thrive helps us get traction in our relationship with God by addressing unresolved issues from our past, uprooting unhealthy patterns of coping and practicing basic principles of spiritual formation that bring about Christian maturity

PHILOSOPHY

RECONNECTING US TO THE GOSPEL

Thrive seeks to equip the Church with a confidence that the Scriptures are sufficient in addressing the deepest issues of our lives and that the gospel of Jesus is relevant (even superior) to the world’s solutions in addressing these issues. We must recover a right understanding and application of the gospel as the remedy for all that ails us.

COMMUNITY IS YOUR ADVANTAGE

Our desire is that you would understand the change process in the context of church community because God designed us to do life beside each other.

A LIFE OF CONTINUAL TRANSFORMATION

We want everyone to experience the healing and freedom that comes from knowing Christ, so we can all live our lives as citizens of the Kingdom of God. Our hope is not that you remain stuck in a program, but rather, that you grow and move through life in the joy of the Lord!

RECONCILIATION WITH GOD

Reconciliation with God is the goal. Noticing our behavior changing is the by-product. Only Jesus can reconcile us to God, not our good deeds. As our hearts are reconciled to His, His Spirit changes how we relate to everything.

GIVING YOUR ALL

It is a temptation to reduce our walk with the Lord to holiness in one area. If we believe we are “okay” with God because we haven’t sinned in a particular way, we tend toward moralism or legalism, which is merely another form of slavery. Jesus said: “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” The Christian life is about surrendering every area of life to God, every day.

PROGRAMS DON’T HEAL PEOPLE

Thrive or any other ministry or program doesn’t heal. Only Jesus Christ can deliver us from bondage to sin and reconcile us to God. We are not here to exalt a program, but the person

and work of Jesus Christ. Fundamentally, sin is the worship of the creation rather than the Creator. When you give yourself to a program instead of Christ, you enslave yourself to a program.

SCOPE & SEQUENCE

Here is a general idea of what to expect this semester. The program is broken up into three main movements:

THE

COMPONENTS

HOMEWORK (3 HOURS PER WEEK) Bible Study

Throughout much of the program, participants will commit to daily Bible study and reflection. The pattern is six days of digging into God’s Word and stopping on the seventh day to reflect. The questions vary in difficulty and some might even be difficult to understand. It is okay to admit we don’t have all the answers. A right answer is an honest answer.

Assessment

We first examine the fruit in our lives. As we move through the assessment process, we will uncover the roots of any ungodly fruit that drive our ungodly thoughts, actions and emotions. We are seeking to examine and rid ourselves of those things that hinder the freedom Christ intends for His people. There are six separate assessments that will be discussed and prayed through with Mentors.

ONE-ON-ONE MENTORING (AVG. 2 HOURS PER WEEK)

Participants should schedule time each week to meet with their mentor to review their Mentor Prep sections of homework, or walk through their assessments at the appropriate time of the semester. The amount of time varies depending on what is covered each week.

WEEKLY LARGE GROUP (1 HOUR)

Each week there is a comprehensive lesson rooted in the Scriptures, aimed at the heart with the gospel of Jesus Christ exhorting the greatest command. This time will be accompanied by corporate worship music and host content personalized for your semester.

WEEKLY SMALL GROUP (1 HOUR)

Community is an important aspect to Thrive. Each person will be assigned a small group led by a qualified leader to shepherd the group through the process. The group leaders will ask good questions, keep the conversation moving, and make group time an easy place for you to share This gives participants the opportunity to learn and be encouraged by others

How the components fit together:

(Using the example of a Thursday night campus meeting)

FRI-THU – THURSDAY – FRI-THU

Homework (observe Scripture)

Large Group with Worship & Lesson

Small Group (review teaching)

Mentor Meeting (apply Scripture)

Begin new theme/week

Homework (cycle repeats)

S h e p h e r d i n g T e a m

Remember that Thrive is different form of discipleship in that it’s a team approach. We each refine the our own gifts. The Apostle Paul said it this way:

ROMANS 12:4-6A

For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, 5so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. 6Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us …

THE OTHER SHEPHERDS

1. THE SPIRIT OF GOD

• He is at work in ALL of us! Leading Thrive 7 days a week (through “homework”).

• Always available.

• Always righteous. Always speaking the truth in love.

HEBREWS 4:12

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

2. LARGE GROUP WORSHIP LEADERS, HOSTS, AND TEACHERS

• Keeping the vision of Thrive in front of leaders

• Providing space for worship, reflection and learning.

• Teachers provide deeper illumination of spiritual/theological truths that might have been unclear during the daily Bible study.

• Hosts hit home important elements from the teaching that can be made even more relevant and timely to the individuals in the room.

3. SMALL GROUP LEADERS

• Provide a safe place for participants to share and reflect about what they’re processing from their lives and what they are learning

• Rather than feeling the weight of all of the participant, the group leaders focus on allowing space for people to be honest and share in biblical community. (We outline

the goals for this type of community the first night of Thrive.)

• Group leaders often “gate-keep” the group a place of sharing rather than fixing or advice-giving.

• Group leaders balance facilitation and exhortation (about 50% each).

• To effectively partner with the other elements of the Thrive program, group leaders do not:

o Teach content that is not in the group leader guide, or presented in large group

o Accept opportunities to minister 1-on-1 with participants, as this would conflict with the role of the Thrive Mentor.

The Role o f a Thrive Mentor

MENTOR ROLE DESCRIPTION

MENTORS WILL:

• Guide individuals in a one-on-one setting through deeper discussion of their Bible study applications as well as personal assessments that cover 6 main areas of sin and suffering (suffering/trauma, anger, sexual immorality, guilt/shame, fear and grief).

• Learn to help identify root causes of brokenness in the mentee’s life, guiding them to offer those to Jesus – the only One who can heal and restore.

• Show others how to walk in freedom found only in Christ by helping to build a biblical and theological foundation of more clearly understanding of the gospel of Jesus.

One of the main ways that you will succeed as a Thrive Mentor is by knowing and sharing the story God has given you openly and honestly with your mentee. Mentoring with Thrive is different than other types of discipleship and mentoring opportunities in that it is finite and is not designed to be long-term, we encourage mentees to see this process as a season of intensive discipleship in the area of sin and suffering, not an ongoing process.

EXPECTATIONS FOR MENTORS

• Be hospitable and welcoming.

• Tend to your own walk with Christ.

• Meet weekly with your mentee for one hour. During assessment weeks, be willing to meet for two hours.

• Appropriately pace the time you have with your mentee. Stay in control of the conversation.

• Let leadership know if you are struggling

TIME COMMITMENT

You will meet weekly with your mentee for 1-3 hours depending on where you are in the curriculum for 14 weeks (+ optional 2 meetings post-Thrive). We ask the Mentors commit to missing no more than one week of mentoring.

BE AVAILABLE, BUT NOT OVERLY SO

• Being overly available may not be good for your mentee.

• You want Christ to be the answer to their problem, not you.

• Sometimes praying with them and seeing them next week will force them to work on the issues with the Lord.

LISTEN WELL

• Listening can be emotionally draining.

• Create space in your life to process with the Lord what you are hearing.

• You may find yourself replaying conversations and details of what your mentee shared with you in your head. Turn to the Lord for help, laying down the burden you are carrying.

• Be prepared for something sensitive to be shared. Thank them for sharing, don’t act shocked or immediately start giving advice or they will stop sharing

• When a mentee shares significant suffering they have experienced, respond with appropriate sorrow. Communicate that you are sorry it happened to them.

• Remember that Thrive leadership is here to minister to you as you care for others!

GOALS FOR YOUR MEETING TIME

• Create a safe place for vulnerable sharing. Please note for Weeks 6-8 you need to be sure your mentee feels secure sharing out loud in the place you are meeting.

• Get the conversation going and keep it moving.

• Draw out what God is doing in the participant’s heart.

• We want the mentee to talk 90% of the time (except for the first meeting).

• Use Scriptures as God leads.

CAFÉ

Below is a list of various local coffee spot suggestions where you could meet your mentee for your weekly meetings:

• Flat Track Coffee (indoor + outdoor seating)

• Summer Moon Coffee (2 locations on S. Main + W 7th for indoor/outdoor options)

• Press Café (Restaurant also)

• Ascension (mostly indoor options; expansive menu)

• Ampersand (indoor + outdoor seating)

• Match Point Coffee (indoor + outdoor seating)

• White Rhino (indoor seating, make sure to get parking validated)

• Cherry Coffee (a favorite cozy option, often more crowded)

• Crude Coffee (Owned by a CCBC young adult; cozy and cool vibes)

• Race Street Coffee (small, cozy, indoor seating)

• Casa Azul Coffee (indoor + outdoor, very spacious)

• Common Grounds (limited street parking, plenty of seating; building owned by CCBC)

• CCBC FW also has The Perk (indoor + outdoor seating options; limited hours!)

CHURCH

Fort Worth Campus:

Fireside Lounge at CCBC FW (open seating area located across from The Perk) – no reservation necessary, but sometimes memorial services or other events in the adjacent Oak Room may be occurring at random times.

You're also welcome to meet at Soul Care in Fort Worth, but you will need to let us know in advance to book a room and make sure you can have a private space. Please contact Shannon Barron at ShannonB@christchapelbc.org or 817-546-0827 to request a space.

If you are closer to the CCBC West Campus or South Campus and would prefer to meet there, please pre-book a space, and know that there may not always be availability for various reasons.

• West Campus: contact Courtney Edwards at CourtneyE@christchapelbc.org or 817-945-2399

• South Campus: contact Morgan Hardin at MorganH@christchapelbc.org or 817-546-0822

HOME

If the most convenient and comfortable option for you and your mentee is for you to host the meetings at your home, you are welcome to do this; but this is completely up to your comfort level!

v e r v i e w o f t h e M e n t o r i n g J o u r n e y

The details you’ll need are in the associated sections later on in this guide. The following is merely an overview of eac h section of Thrive mentoring:

SHARING STORIES – YOUR FIRST MEETING

Your first meeting is important! It’s an opportunity to build trust, rapport and to create a safe place for your mentee to open up. One way you do this is by sharing your story (question 2 in your Mentor Guide), as a way to share about yourself. We ask that you share a comprehensive testimony of your life including salvation along with seasons of suffering, specific sin struggles, and how God has been redeeming you.

UNDERSTANDING GOD

WEEKS 1-4 OF THE THRIVE WORKBOOK CONTENT

During this phase, you will need to plan for a 1- hour meeting each week.

The purpose of weeks 1-4 in the Thrive material is to lay a foundation of the gospel for participants. You will discuss the going deeper questions with your participant from each week. The going deeper questions are a compilation of your participant’s daily homework. Your mentee should come to your mentor meeting with their going deeper questions filled out and ready to discuss with you. These weeks help to establish rapport and build a relationship with your mentee. You can think of these questions as conversation starters with your mentee, but these weeks are primarily a time to listen.

UNDERSTANDING OURSELVES

WEEK 5

This week is a transition week. Rather than processing through their application of the Bible study that week, you will listen to your mentee as they process how they are preparing their hearts for the assessments ahead of them. They will hear a teaching on suffering during Large Group this week. This is where we will help differentiate between our identities as a saint (if we are in Christ), a sinner, and a sufferer. We will bring clarity to the definitions of trauma, abuse, neglect, and abandonment … all of which fall under the umbrella of “suffering.”

WEEKS 6-8

During this phase, you will need to plan for a 2- hour meeting each week.

This is the beginning of what we call “assessments ” The goal of the assessments is for your mentee to examine their heart, guided by the Holy Spirit, and to share openly with their Mentor (you!) This process will allow you to listen well, respond with grace, and take copious notes that you will reference back to during week 9.

Overview of the Mentoring Journey

Examine Fruit

Participants will fill out assessment forms in six different areas (trauma/suffering, anger/resentments, guilt/shame, sexual immorality, fear/anxiety, and grief). The forms illuminate the fruit of a person’s thoughts, actions, and beliefs. These “fruits” are what you want to take note of, along with the language your mentee uses as they share each story.

Confess and Pray

Your participant will read through each assessment and then you will lead them through the prayer prompts for each assessment (each story/situation). During this phase you should refrain from pointing out their faults or from giving advice. It is a time to listen and pray. Remember, there is power in simply bringing things out of the dark and into the light. There are listening notes for each assessment form that can be found in your mentor guide. As your participant is reading through their assessment sheet, you can use this page to take notes, as you listen to them. These notes will help you later in the program, as you begin to speak in and help replant different areas of their with truth.

The pattern should be as follows:

• Participant reads one full page of their assessment.

• You make notes using the listening notes guide, as they are discussing the details of the line with you

• You lead them through prayer prompts for each assessment/story/incident. Ask them to read the prayer silently to themselves, then read/pray it aloud as you silently pray alongside them.

• Go back and do the above pattern with the next assessment/story.

WEEK 9

During this week, you will need to plan for a long, 2 to 3-hour meeting!

Your main focus on this week is to help your mentee process back through all of their assessments and see how to “shift roots.” As we move into the next phase of mentoring, we want you to keep in mind that this process is not perfect, that you are not perfect, but we know a God who takes our imperfections and uses them to do His perfect will! Mentors, continue boasting in your weaknesses, asking questions, and leaning on the Lord and your leadership – we are here for you!

Exposing Roots

As a Mentor, helping someone shift their “roots” starts with being able to identify their sins and the sinful patterns behind them. We do this by exposing those roots and then confessing and praying. At this point, you will have made note of and been prepared to communicate areas of spiritual adultery, idolatry, and pride that are producing sinful fruit in their life

Exact Nature of My Wrongs

Using the questions under each of the headings in your Thrive Mentor Guide, you will walk the participant through completing each of the assessment forms.

The goal is to help clarify responsibility on the part of the participant and help them realize that we are either rooted in the knowledge of the world (and producing sinful fruit) or in the wisdom of God’s Spirit (and producing spiritual fruit).

• Tip: Don’t start with an assessment about suffering/trauma/abuse, as that one can be confusing.

• Note: Fear and Anxiety is set up differently to get to the root of the issue, so don’t skip over this one if it was impactful for the participant (see page 190 in the Thrive Participant Guide).

What Part of Self Was Hurt or Threatened

With your participant, look back at their assessments and carefully exam the “what part of self was hurt or threatened?” section on each. You will notice a theme or pattern that exists in all their assessments. Note which words were circled most frequently (participants typically have two to three dominant patterns). These will expose specific areas of idolatry (what they are worshipping other than God) that the participant struggles with over many areas of their life. You will most likely have already noticed these areas, as you have been listening to your participant for the past three weeks.

Renounce Lies & Replant with Truth

Walk your mentee through a simple prayer to renounce the lies they have believed.

Worship Night – Save the Date!

At the end of this week, Mentors are invited to attend the campus gathering and be a part of small group with their mentee, as well as the large group where we will have a special worship service. This is a time where participants will be encouraged to place their burdens where they belong – on the cross of Jesus Christ; the only One capable of carrying them. This is a powerful and symbolic service of prayer and reflection where your mentee will have the opportunity to make a commitment in front of you and their small group regarding what they need to release and change about their life. You will want to be there to support them!

LOVING OTHERS

WEEKS 10-12

This is another transition week. Your mentee will have gone back to doing a daily Bible study, which also has “mentor prep” homework on the last day (just like in the beginning of Thrive.) These final weeks return to reviewing the day 7 “Mentor Prep” questions, much like the first four weeks of Thrive.

The focus of these weeks is to encourage your mentee toward faithful action. We have spent our time focused inwardly and now we are focusing outwardly.

Overview of the Mentoring Journey

CELEBRATION – SAVE THE DATE

This is a final opportunity that Mentors and any community members (friends, family, small group members, colleagues, etc ) have to come and hear about what God has done this semester of Thrive. Mentors and other guests are invited to attend the large group portion of the evening, which will happen after small groups on this final night All participants will be encouraged to share during large group, and we will have a celebratory social at the end of the night!

BONUS

WEEKS 13-14

These two weeks of optional Bible study and reflection are meant to keep the mentoring relationship alive after the program of Thrive has ended. You may opt to continue meeting if the two of you agree that you can, and you can even take it slower if you need more time to comb back through any prior weeks in Thrive that you want to revisit These two bonus weeks contain material on:

• Be a Disciple – without the attachment of the Thrive program, what does your daily walk with Jesus look like? What could it look like?

• Make Disciples – what would it look like to live beyond yourself and share the good news and healing power of Jesus with others?

Words to the Wise

CHARACTERISTICS OF PEOPLE THAT CONTINUE TO GET WELL

• Christ: They experience a new spiritual vitality in their walk with the Lord

o John 15 – Abide in the Lord

o 1 Cor. 10:31 – Do everything for the glory of God

• Circle: They work relentlessly on themselves

• Commitment: They ruthlessly commit to their walk with the Lord.

• Community: They are known by others

BE PREPARED FOR SOMETHING SENSITIVE TO BE SHARED

• After someone shares could be the most important 30 seconds of their life.

• Thank them for sharing and ask how you can help.

• If they are emotionally distraught and lacking direction you can help them by … 1. reminding them of God’s love for them, and 2. remind them that you (and others) care about them.

• Pray for them right then

• Encourage them to share with the group.

• Reach out to Thrive leadership if you need additional help.

YOUR OWN WALK WITH THE LORD

• Make sure you are in Scripture and praying each week as you are ministering out the overflow of what God is doing in your own life.

• Share the victories in your life. They need healthy models.

• Share the failures. They need models of authenticity, repentance, forgiveness and reconciliation.

• If you are struggling in your own life, let Thrive leadership know.

WHEN TO INVOLVE SOUL CARE LEADERSHIP

• We trust you and your ability to lead (2 Peter 1:3). You do not need to ask your mentee for permission or fill in church leadership with every detail.

• Feel free to ask for help or wisdom on a situation at any point. Leadership wants you to succeed and grow, as a leader. You are not a hassle!

• Inform Thrive leadership when there has been physical abuse, marital separation, outbursts of anger, threats of suicide, or threat of physical, emotional, or spiritual injury, or any abuse or potential abuse of a minor or elderly person.

When Crisis Hits

Chances are, at some point during your time as a group leader, you will encounter an individual who is experiencing a “crisis.” A crisis can take many different forms, but here are some examples of what would be considered a crisis (this list is not exhaustive):

• Infidelity (both physical and emotional)

• Miscarriage/loss of a child/infertility

• Sudden job loss

• Significant financial difficulties

• Pornography or sharing about a struggle with same-sex attraction

• Abuse (verbal, emotional, physical, sexual) both in the past and the present

HELPFUL DO’S AND DON’TS

A crisis can be very effective in providing an opening to true community. It has been said that the one minute after someone shares intimate details about their life is quite possibly the most important one minute in the life of your group. Therefore, it is essential for the leaders to know how to navigate these situations very carefully.

DO:

Thank them for sharing

Encourage their authenticity and vulnerability

Affirm any negative emotions they may be experiencing in the midst of this crisis

Ask them how the group can best help (e.g. just listen, provide insight, etc.)

Share Scripture in the hope of encouraging them that God is with them (2 Cor. 12:8-10; Rom. 8; Ps. 23, 34:18; etc.)

Ask them what they believe would be the best “next step” given their circumstances

Ask them how the group can pray for them

Ask them how the group can help, as they continue going through this circumstance

Pray for them and the group

Follow up with the individual

DO NOT:

Tell them to “get over it”

Tell them their issue is “not a big deal”

Tell them what they are feeling is “wrong”

Try to fix their problem right then and there

Allow everyone in the group to give their opinion as to how their crisis can be fixed and avoided in the future.

Allow someone else in the group to steal the spotlight by turning the attention on them.

Feel the need to give perfect answers and resolve all issues/tensions that night

Be harsh in your communication with the person

If a crisis is communicated to you privately, the “Do and Do not” listed above apply We would, however, add one more “do”: Encourage them to share their crisis with the group. In our experience, widening the circle of people who are aware of what is going on, allows for the best care and encouragement to be provided to the individual

The following is excerpted from JBC 36:2 (2022): pp. 25-56 “Foundations of Trauma Care for Biblical Counselors” by Darby Strickland, and may be useful for Thrive Mentors seeking to create a safe space for sharing.

Strive to be a humble and godly guide. A godly guide prepares as well as possible but trusts the Lord for the results. The key elements of this trust are humility and hope. Humility. As a counselor, you will be stretched and, at times, overwhelmed by the suffering you are hearing about, and you might wonder: “Am I doing everything I can? Is God at work? This all seems so slow. Can I really help this person heal?” I have had many moments of doubt in counseling these complex cases. God has helped me by making it abundantly clear that I am limited, but he is not. I can entrust my counselee to his care of them. This means I can depend upon him for what is ahead (Ps 34:17; Isa 40:31). I need to pray and depend on his guidance for my counseling and counselee. Without the Lord, we can do nothing (John 15:5). But Christ sent his helper, the Holy Spirit, to empower us (John 16:7). There are no easy solutions to trauma, but there is a God we can trust trauma with.

A good guide also remains a humble learner … But there is more to it than just acquiring information and counseling skills. The person you are working with is created in the image of God. Jesus’ love and care for his people is characterized by humility. He does not stand over his people but reaches out his hand tenderly, coming to the aid of the sick and broken (Matt 8:3, 14:14; Mark 1:31, 41). To do the same, we must put on the character of Christ. The attributes of kindness, humility, meekness, and patience are essential characteristics of both a trustworthy guide and a wise biblical counselor (Col 3:12).

Hope. It is in Christ that you and your counselee will find hope. But it is easy to get discouraged on a hard journey, and much of the current trauma literature doesn’t increase our hope. Recently, I read that the areas of the brain implicated in the stress response include the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex. Traumatic stress can be associated with lasting changes in these brain areas.1 This is hard to read, and hard to be hopeful about. But no matter what wound trauma leaves on a person’s brain or elsewhere, a simple truth remains: Jesus and his redemptive work always have the most significant shaping influence on a person’s life. While this does not mean all the impacts of trauma will be resolved, we can be hopeful amid trauma. Trauma does not have to be the most significant influence on a person’s life. Even if it changes the brain, the most important factor in a sufferer’s story will always be Jesus.

You will at times be tempted to doubt this. You might think the trauma is too severe, or that this person’s faith will never flourish. But having hope means asking how they might live dependent upon Jesus, even while plagued with anxiety or other aftereffects of the trauma (Matt 11:28). While we explore how Jesus is reshaping them, even if it’s at an excruciatingly slow rate, we still believe and we lean into hope. Hope for what God can do changes our trajectory and our counsel (James 1:2–4, 12; 1 Peter 5:10; 2 Peter 1:3–4).

1 J. D. Bremner, “Traumatic stress: Effects on the brain,” Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience 8:4 (2022), 445–61, https://doi.org/10.31887/DCNS.2006.8.4/jbremner.

L i s t e n i n g W e l l

PITFALLS TO GOOD LISTENING:

1. Fixing – Advice-giving; a form of moralism. (Example: Someone shares that they have a really hard time setting aside time in the morning to pray. You suggest they get a better alarm clock or read a certain devotional.)

2. Rescuing – A well-intentioned attempt to help people feel better about themselves or their circumstances. (Examples: “It could be worse,” “It will get better,” “Look how God’s blessed you,” etc.)

3. Hijacking – Inadvertently using common experiences (“me too”) that turn the focus away from the person sharing.

4. Interrogating – Firing off a bunch of questions.

5. Teaching – Sabotaging a healthy conversation by taking on the role of information disseminator

6. Judging – Showing the error of their ways; typically from a mightier vantage point.

LISTENING WELL INVOLVES:

1. Being slow to answer/give a response.

2. Asking open-ended questions that encourage more elaboration.

3. Slowing down your responses

4. Knowing the Word of God and prayerfully listening to His Spirit (Proverbs 1:7 – to understand man, one must begin with the knowledge of God.)

5. Listening for the heart issue. (What’s going on under the surface.)

a. What is this person hoping in, trusting in?

b. What do they fear, value, worship?

HOW LONG DO YOU LISTEN BEFORE PROVIDING ANSWERS? LONGER WHEN:

• The person knows the answer but needs more support than information.

• You know the answer will be hard to hear.

• You don’t know the person well.

• You aren’t sure what the person really wants from you.

SHORTER WHEN:

• The person is sinning by the very conversation (i.e. gossip or slander)

• The person’s excessive talkativeness is a clear avoidance of an important issue.

• There is an often repeated “survey” of the same “ground.”

A

s s e s s m e n t

s Training Case Study

The following case study is of Laura, a participant in the Thrive program (fictional). She is filling out her first Assessment in the category of “Trauma and Suffering.” When you meet with her, she recounts this story: When Laura was 16, her parents went through a bitter divorce. She described a particular moment during the divorce proceedings when her father, in an argument with her mother, lashed out verbally at her. He called her selfish and accused her of not caring about the family. This accusation, said in a harsh tone, left Laura devastated. She had always desired to be close with her father, so she felt the weight of this disappointment deeply. Laura recalled feeling as if the world she knew was collapsing, not only because her parents were separating, but because she felt her father’s rejection and felt trapped in the emotional turmoil between her parents.

As Laura explored this trauma, she found it difficult to see the beyond the suffering she was under and draw lines to future assessments in Thrive; like grief, anger/resentment, guilt, and shame. She struggled to see how her suffering was connected to any one of these other assessments.

As her Mentor, you are beginning to see patterns of thinking as Laura has continued to share with you. These patterns are more obvious to you, but not yet to her. Here are some of the things you’re picking up on:

1. Anger and Resentment: Laura was angry, not just at her father for his words, but also at both of her parents for what she perceived as their failure to protect her from the emotional fallout of their divorce. She resented the fact that neither of them seemed to consider how much their conflict would affect her. This resentment grew over time, particularly as she internalized the idea that she had been forced into the middle of their issues. The anger she felt was complex directed at her father for the harshness of his words, at her mother for not shielding her from the conflict, and at herself for not being able to prevent the collapse of her family.

2. Grief: Laura recognized that the trauma wasn’t just about the argument; it was the loss of her family as she had known it. The grief was not only about her parents’ divorce but about the dissolution of her childhood sense of security. She realized that she never allowed herself to grieve the loss of the family unit. She had been so focused on trying to maintain control and hold everything together that she never fully processed the sadness of the situation.

The anger she felt had largely masked her grief, and it wasn’t until she reflected on the divorce as an adult that she would allow herself to mourn the brokenness of her family.

3. Guilt: In her reflection, Laura also recognized an undercurrent of guilt that had followed her throughout her adult life. She felt guilty for not “fixing” the situation when her parents fought. She believed that if she had been more mature, more understanding, or if she had been able to stop the argument from escalating, things might have turned out differently. Even though she was just a teenager, Laura carried the belief that her emotional response

had somehow contributed to the breakdown of her family. She wondered if her father’s accusation of being "selfish" was actually a reflection of her own inability to manage her emotions and take on a more adult role in her family.

4. Shame: The shame came in two forms. The first was the internalized belief that she was a failure as a daughter. When her father said she was selfish, Laura felt exposed, as if she had let him down. Her reaction was not one of anger toward him at first, but deep, profound shame. She didn’t feel worthy of her father’s love anymore. This shame, though subtle, began to shape her future relationships, causing her to question her worthiness of love or affection, even when she wasn’t directly confronted with these feelings.

Secondly, she began to believe that she couldn’t talk to anyone about these feelings. She internalized the idea that she was supposed to be strong and resilient, hiding her true emotional state from friends, family, and even herself. This sense of shame kept her isolated, contributing to feelings of loneliness and emotional disconnection from others.

Laura is not filling out any of these four assessments related to the incident with her father, which has only so far showed up in the “Trauma and Suffering” assessment. It seems as though she has relegated that story to just that one category, and hasn’t been willing or able to remember to see the patterns of thinking affecting her in these other categories of sin and suffering.

How do you help Laura?

Let ’s Begin!

MEETING YOUR MENTEE

Sharing Stories

Meeting #1 (Your First Meet-up)

REMINDERS FOR MENTORS

Before you meet with your mentee, please remember that they will …

• likely have completed some homework, but you’re not meeting to talk about their homework this week.

• have been to their first Large Group and “closed” Small Group meeting

• be organizing their thoughts on sharing their story with you. Part of their “Pre-Thrive” checklist is to prepare to share their story. As their Mentor, please consider giving the below podcast a listen. They were encouraged to listen to this as they prepared to share. We’d love for you to know where they’re coming from.

PARTICIPANTS PREPARING TO SHARE THEIR STORY

Why share? Everyone has a story. Your story is important. It provides the context to who you are today. Your story is unique and needs to be told. Your story is filled with shaping influences (both positive and negative) and ways you responded to those influences. These influences shape how we think about the world around us, including God, self and others.

As you prepare to share your story, consider pain points in your life. Consider the high and low markers in your life and how you were changed or shaped by them. Consider how you responded to these events or people. Consider how your view of self, others, God and your circumstances changed. Change can be for better or worse.

Visit this QR code to get more specific guidance on how to tell your story in Thrive.

How to Tell your Story in Thrive: (share.transistor.fm/s/0e7a9fec)

As you prepare to share, you should think about how you will fit your story into about 30 total minutes as you sit with your mentor during your first meeting. You’ll get to hear their story when you meet, as well.

STORYTELLING FOR MENTORS

If you plan to help others share their story, then you need to know how to share your own first. The difficulty will be limiting your story to 750 words (usually 1 to 1.5 pages of text) or about 7 minutes. Answering the following questions should help you write your story in a way that helps participants see that God is truly the Hero of your story

• WHERE AND WHAT ARE YOU BATTLING RIGHT NOW?

Please be honest! Identify the hardships, trials, anxieties, frustrations, lusts, discouragements, and conflicts trouble you at the present time. Feel free to share any troubles on your mind, but also try to focus on a couple of main ones.

• WHAT SEEMS TO BE GETTING EXPOSED IN YOUR HEART AND WAY OF LIFE?

Consider the loyalties, values, passions, and ambitions being made visible in your life right now. Maybe a longing for the praise of people; maybe a desire for riches; maybe a loyalty to Christ and His kingdom; maybe dreams for a certain kind of marriage or family.

• WHERE DO YOU SEE LIFELONG THEMES, PATTERNS, AND HABITS AT WORK?

Try to see and share any longstanding themes in your life story. Many of the troubles you see in your life at present may have been troubles you have carried for many years. The way you relate to the Lord and people right now could be traced back to how you have always related to the Lord and people. You may not have seen the connection before.

• WHAT DID YOU NEED JESUS TO RESCUE YOU FROM?

Share any experiences from your childhood, family relationships, or previous years as a whole that seem to have strongly influenced patterns of sin you adopted as you tried to live independently from God. Perhaps there were specific relationships or events that were really significant to you. Perhaps there were decisions you made or others made for you that sharply changed the direction of your life.

• HOW DID CHRIST SAVE YOU?

Write down the key people and circumstances the Lord used to draw you to Himself. Perhaps there was a particular passage of Scripture that opened your eyes, humbled your heart, and helped you see your need for the Savior Jesus Christ. How has justification changed your life?

• IN WHAT WAYS HAS JESUS BEEN GROWING YOU AS HIS DISCIPLE IN THE AREAS OF PERSONAL SUFFERING?

Think about and write down a few ways the Lord has transformed you in recent months. Maybe there have been some punctuating moments where God freed you from particular sin struggles, or helped you notice and enjoy something about Him, or given you courage and compassion in the Christian faith in ways you didn’t have before.

Remember:

• Make God the Hero of your story (vs. you, or a friend, or mentor, a program, etc.)

• Include at least one way that you have suffered or are suffering.

• Tell of a specific struggle with sin you have battled with and Jesus freed you from, and an area in which you are currently battling sin patterns.

• Talk about how God is currently changing you to become more like Jesus (sanctification.)

Reflect before you share:

• Were you honest and clear in your story? Is there anything you withheld from your story because you fear what people will think of you once they hear it?

• As you read and think about your story, does it offer a good picture of who you are and what you’re facing in your life right now? Is there anything you would want to add or take away from what you have written?

Responding to stories:

Following any sharing, respond with gratitude and reflection. That is, thank the person who shared for sharing his or her story. Reflect on any aspects of his or her story that were especially encouraging and/or sorrowful for you to hear. What stood out to you? Don’t judge it, but you may mention it to indicate you were listening and remembering. Please remember, this is not a time to give advice or teach one another. It’s a time for one person to share and the other to pay attention and listen well.

MEETING GOALS

This first meeting should take place before the participant completes their first full week of homework. The goal of this meeting is not to discuss any homework; rather, it is to begin to get to know the person, share stories and make sure they have a good understanding of the mentoring component.

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Always open and close your time together in prayer. Be intentional about connecting organically with the person you are mentoring by asking about the week and showing genuine interest in the details of his or her life. Begin establishing a sense of trust by sharing about your own life. After this first meeting most of this time will be spent asking questions and listening. Always feel free take notes in the space provided.

SPEAK, LEAD, REMIND & PRAY

It is important for those we disciple to see their problems biblically so that we can bring the hope of the gospel to their specific needs. You might feel tempted to think you must have answers to all their problems immediately. Let the process unfold. Be patient. You should use this time to express genuine excitement in working with them and encourage them in the ways they have opened up.

Before concluding your meeting, be sure you both make note of the time and place you will meet next time.

As the participant is transparent and bares their soul, it is important that you cover them with the gospel in prayer as you conclude.

WHEN YOU MEET

Encourage discussion and ask questions to get to know each other. For example:

1. Share a little bit about yourselves (where you’re from, personal interests, etc.)

2. As a Mentor, share your testimony and how God used Thrive in your life. (Include salvation along with seasons of suffering, specific sin struggles, and how God has been redeeming you.)

3. Share with each other any positive or negative experiences in the past regarding church or religion.

4. Empathize with hurts and emphasize your desire to help.

5. Share with each other what you hope to get from this one-on-one time and from Thrive in general.

6. Have them share their story as outlined in their Thrive Prep Work. (Orientation)

SCHEDULE

Decide on a schedule for meeting weekly for at least the next four weeks:

SHEPHERDING TASKS

o Pray for your mentee.

o If something pertinent was shared about the small group time, reach out to your mentee’s small group leader to get on the same page.

Notes:

Understanding God WEEKS

1-4

The Beginning : Creation and Fall Meeting #2 (Covering Week 1 Homework)

MENTOR HELPS

Before you meet with your mentee, please remember that they will already have …

• Completed days 1-7 of homework from last week.

• Attended Large Group and Small Group, sharing some thoughts about the Large Group teaching which recaps the week’s completed homework.

• Begun working on some of the new homework for the next week.

You are catching them in the middle of their next week of Homework. However, the outline below is covering the prior week of homework because that is what is fully complete and ready to discuss with you. Your meeting is intended to be a capstone for that content (even though they are already starting on the next week of Bible study and homework.)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

o Review your own Participant Guide to refresh yourself with what this person is going through this week, what you went through when you experienced Thrive for the first time, and how you might encourage them with gospel truths from the content taught this week.

ROMANS 5:12

Just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned.

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES

• Day 1: Genesis 1:1-2:3

• Day 2: Genesis 2:4-25

• Day 3: Genesis 2:18-25; Matthew 19:1-10; 1 Corinthians 7:10-11; Ephesians 5:22-33

• Day 4: Genesis 3: 1-24

• Day 5: Genesis 3:7-24

• Day 6: Genesis 4:1-16

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

▶ LARGE GROUP TEACHING: “THE BEGINNING: CREATION AND FALL”

• Where are you in terms of your relationships with God and others? Are they rich, vibrant and fruitful or lacking? Are you angry, confused, full of doubt, skeptical, hopeless, afraid or distrusting?

• Summarize the story behind what got you here.

• How would you describe your relationship with God in the midst of these circumstances? Does it exist? Is it vibrant and fruitful or lacking? Are you confused, skeptical, struggling, with doubt, hopeless, angry, afraid, or distrusting? (Where are you with God in this struggle?)

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Ask if they had any questions from this week’s homework. Ask if there was anything meaningful that stood out in their time in God’s Word.

Discuss following questions, which are from their “Day Seven” homework. Take notes as needed (this is a time to listen).

MENTOR DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

1. Day one introduces us to a creation that was initially empty, dark and disordered. To what degree do these describe your life? If they don’t, what words would describe your life?

2. We were also introduced to our Creator, who by His Word, brought order, life and light to His creation. Do you believe that He is doing the same among us? Why or why not?

3. We believe evidence of God’s love, pursuit of and plan for you is why you are sitting under God’s Word in this study. How is your heart responding to that pursuit? Are you listening and receiving or rejecting?

4. According to the creation account, a functional human being is to live in a loving, dependent relationship with his Creator. In what ways have you looked to the creation rather than the Creator for care, direction, protection, provision, power, satisfaction, comfort, security, stability, hope, happiness, purpose, identity, meaning and value?

5. Describe your current suffering. How are you responding?

6. God created us to be in loving relationships with Himself and others. Describe your close community and friends. Do you reach out to others when you need help? Why or why not? Where do they point you for hope?

7. In what ways do you disregard God’s voice and follow another voice in pursuit of your own desires?

8. What are the “fig leaves” in your life — ways you have tried to remedy the problem of sin with external solutions (religious activity, performance, possessions, power, personality, people, posterity, positions, etc.)?

9. How have you attempted to justify yourself (value, worth, etc.) before God and others?

10. Our self-reliant attempts to manage our sin or to control the sin of others reveals that we believe we are powerful enough to fix the problem. Understanding the magnitude of the problem helps us to see it is beyond us. Have you admitted that you are powerless and defeated apart from Christ? Do your actions reflect this? How so?

11. As we examine our lives through the lens of scripture, it helps us to see what is most true. In light of what we have covered this week, what prayer would you like to offer to God about where you are at?

REVIEW TRUTH FROM WEEK 1:

Man, in relationship to his Creator, has fallen from a place of dignity, humility and dependence to a state of depravity, pride and rebellion. This has led to unfathomable suffering. Any attempts on our own to redeem ourselves are futile, only increasing the problem of independence and self-sufficiency. Any perceived success leads only to empty vanity. Apart from Christ, we admitted we are powerless to overcome sin (ours and others) and our attempts to control it only increase our chaos.

SPEAK, LEAD, REMIND & PRAY

It is important for those we disciple to see their problems biblically so that we can bring the hope of the gospel to their specific needs. You might feel tempted to think you have to have

answers to all their problems immediately. Be patient and let the process unfold. Introduce participants to Scriptures that speak to their circumstances and bring gospel hope. Tell them of the character of God.

As the participant is transparent and bares their soul, it is important for you to cover them with gospel hope through prayer as you conclude.

Before concluding your meeting, be sure you both make note of the time and place you will meet next.

AFTER YOU MEET

REFLECTION

A prayerful time of reflection will help lead you to speak redemptively into your mentee. Ask yourself questions about each participant:

Where is this person spiritually?

What areas need healing?

Were any lies spoken about the truths of God and His character?

What sinful patterns or strongholds did you discern?

Did you hear any unmet longings or desires? How could you encourage this person?

What Scriptures speak to their situation?

SHEPHERDING TASKS

o Make time to communicate with your mentee’s small group leader, if this would be helpful, as you each pray for and pour into the participant.

o Reach out to your Coach for any help you might need.

Notes:

The Remedy : The Gospe l

Meeting #3 (Covering Week 2 Homework)

MENTOR HELPS

Remember, you are catching your mentee in the middle of their next week of Homework. However, the outline below is covering the prior week of homework because that is what is fully complete and ready to discuss with you. Your meeting is intended to be a capstone for that content (even though they are already starting on the next week of Bible study and homework.)

o Review the Insanity Cycle diagram in the Appendix along with any training/notes you have.

o Review the Concept of God worksheet in the Appendix.

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

MATTHEW 7:13–14

“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.”

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES

• Day 1: Deuteronomy 5:1–22; Matthew 5:17–48

• Day 2: Genesis 6:5–22; Romans 1:18–2:3

• Day 3: Isaiah 52:13–53:12; 54–55

• Day 4: John 1:1–18

• Day 5: John 8:3–12

• Day 6: Acts 17:16–34

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

▶

LARGE GROUP TEACHING:

“THE REMEDY: THE

GOSPEL”

• Has anyone felt restless or discontent this week?

(Allows re-describing and personalizing the “insanity cycle” using a real example. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result).

• Our insanity cycle and related practices reveal our disordered worship. What is it that you are living for or worshiping? Suggestion: Read Ephesians 2:1-3.

• Describe how Jesus has revealed to you personally that He alone is worthy of your worship and of the reordering of your heart around Him.

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Ask if they had any questions from this week’s homework. Ask if there was anything meaningful that stood out in their time in God’s Word.

Discuss following questions, which are from their “Day Seven” homework. Take notes as needed (this is a time to listen).

MENTOR DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. If your heart wants to follow God’s perfect law but it ends up disobeying God, how heavy does this feel to you?

2. Judgment and hell are unpleasant realities we tend to avoid and dismiss. How do these realities add weight to our sin? How does this help us see the love of God in what Jesus suffered for us? What is happening in your heart?

3. In what ways do you suppress the truth or live in denial? See Romans 1:18.

4. How do you relate to the law? In your sinful nature, are you fairly moral with a tendency to look down on others who are not as good or do you tend to disregard it?

5. If the antidote to unrighteousness is not self- righteousness, what is it?

6. What about Christ and the gospel did you find beautiful this week?

7. In the past, to what or whom did you look to satisfy your thirst (Isaiah 55:1–2)? In what or in whom did you place your trust?

EXTRA OPPORTUNITY: Many times we operate in the moment out of our feelings and patterns established over time rather than what we know or believe deeply to be true. This highlights a gap between our brain and our heart, so to speak. The way we react spontaneously to statements about God and ourselves can tell us where we might be misaligned in our view of the Creator and the way He created us. If we are out of alignment foundationally, the ripple effect can become noticeable. Consider taking this evaluation called “The Concept of God” (located in Appendix B of the Participant Guide). Each of the questions will ask you to complete a simple sentence. Don’t attempt to write the correct answer. Simply write the first thing that comes to your mind. Working with your Mentor, you will begin to see where you may be operating out of a misconception of God and yourself.

8. Scripture is clear: We must make a decision about our belief in Jesus. What is our reality if we do nothing and ignore the call of God?

9. How have you responded to the invitation to trust in the suffering servant, the one who has come to save the world?

10. In Acts 17:22-23, Paul says the men of Athens are very religious. Their practices (whether in the religious centers or in the marketplace) point to what they worship and live for. What do the practices of your life reveal about what you worship and serve?

REVIEW TRUTH FROM WEEK 2:

God lovingly intervened into our chaos and provided a remedy for the insanity of sin and the way back into fellowship with Him. We believe that by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, we can be redeemed.

SPEAK, LEAD, REMIND & PRAY

It is important for those we disciple to see their problems biblically so that we can bring the hope of the gospel to their specific needs. You might feel tempted to think you have to have answers to all their problems immediately. Be patient and let the process unfold. Introduce participants to Scriptures that speak to their circumstances and bring gospel hope. Tell them of the character of God.

As the participant is transparent and bares their soul, it is important for you to cover them with gospel hope through prayer as you conclude.

Before concluding your meeting, be sure you both make note of the time and place you will meet next.

AFTER YOU MEET

REFLECTION

A prayerful time of reflection will help lead you to speak redemptively into your mentee. Ask yourself questions about each participant:

What areas need healing?

Were any lies spoken about the truths of God and His character?

What sinful patterns or strongholds did you discern?

Did you hear any unmet longings or desires?

How could you encourage this person?

What Scriptures speak to their situation?

SHEPHERDING TASKS

o Your mentee’s small group leader should be reaching out to you this week. Make a point to connect over ways you are both caring for your Thrive participant o Reach out to your Coach for any help you might.

N otes:

The Response of Faith : Repentance

Meeting #4 (Covering Week 3 Homework)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

MARK 1:14-15

Jesus came into Galilee, proclaiming the gospel of God, and saying, “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.”

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES

• Day 1: James 2:14-26

• Day 2: Isaiah 6:1-13

• Day 3: John 3:16-21

• Day 4: Luke 15

• Day 5: John 14:15-31

• Day 6: 2 Corinthians 3:1-4:6

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

▶ LARGE GROUP TEACHING: “THE RESPONSE: REPENTANCE”

• Tell us time where you have experienced worldly sorrow or false repentance.

• Tell us of a recent time when you have experienced godly sorrow/repentance because of your sin. What action or actions did you take? (for instance, confession, obedience, gratitude, worship, a submissive spirit, surrender, etc.)

• What is personally meaningful or helpful to you in contrasting godly sorrow (genuine repentance) and worldly sorrow (false repentance)? Why?

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Ask if they had any questions from this week’s homework. Ask if there was anything meaningful that stood out in their time in God’s Word.

Discuss following questions, which are from their “Day Seven” homework. Take notes as needed (this is a time to listen).

MENTORSHIP DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. If you have received the gift of faith, how has that led to a heartfelt desire to be obedient to God?

2. Describe any experiences where God’s presence and power humbled you.

3. Describe how the reality of God’s love has affected your life.

4. What of God’s character have you come to know as you have walked with Him?

5. To whom or to what do you point for your justification? Or to put it another way, how do you attempt to justify yourself to others?

6. What is your attitude toward God?

7. What is your view of mankind?

8. Define repentance. What has been your response to the call to repent? Why?

9. What evidence of spiritual rebirth do you see in your life?

10. Have you responded to the gospel in faith by repenting of your sins and trusting in the finished work of Christ? Have you accepted His invitation to follow Him, forsaking all others? If yes, describe the process. If no, why?

11. Scripture gives us a lens to see where we stand before God. We cannot have right standing through our works. We can only have right standing surrendered to Christ. What honest prayer do you need to offer up to God?

GODLY REPENTANCE WORLDLY SORROW (false repentance) VERTICAL

My sin is first and foremost against God. (Psalm 51:4)

FOCUSED ON GOD & OTHERS

Looking for my sin and their pain

SPIRITUAL

My heart is humble and softened (contrite; Psalm 51:17)

HORIZONTAL

Oriented toward circumstances (what’s going on around me)

FOCUSED ON SELF

Looking at my pain and their sin (self-pity)

EMOTIONAL

Fickle and reactionary; ever-changing WILLING

… to do whatever is asked of me. (Isaiah 6:8)

ACTIVE

DEMANDING

I will do this, but not that.

Seeks obedience PASSIVE

HOPEFUL

Looking forward

to the future of God’s beautiful, coming gift

Wants an easy solution

HOPELESS

Looking backward; perhaps reminiscing over the feelings of the sin GRATEFUL

Oriented toward the good change in my heart

PERSEVERING

Seeks a path away from sin

BEGRUDGING

Bitterly holding onto expectations of me being exalted

TEMPORARY

No real heart change; will ultimately return HUMBLE

Unworthy of God’s gift; accepts consequences

REVIEW TRUTH FROM WEEK 3:

PRIDEFUL

Angry and avoids responsibility or consequences

Through the Holy Spirit’s illumination of our desperate and helpless condition before God and the hope that comes through the gospel of Jesus Christ, we step out in faith and repent as an act of worship and obedience, surrendering our will and entrusting our lives to Christ’s care and control. We are reborn spiritually and rescued from the domain of darkness and brought into the kingdom of light, where we now live as a part of Christ’s ever advancing kingdom.

SPEAK, LEAD, REMIND & PRAY

As the participant is transparent and bares their soul, it is important for you to cover them with gospel hope through prayer as you conclude.

Before concluding your meeting, be sure you both make note of the time and place you will meet next.

AFTER YOU MEET

REFLECTION

A prayerful time of reflection will help lead you to speak redemptively into your mentee. Ask yourself questions about each participant:

Where is this person spiritually?

What areas need healing?

Were any lies spoken about the truths of God and His character?

What sinful patterns or strongholds did you discern?

Did you hear any unmet longings or desires? How could you encourage this person?

What Scriptures speak to their situation?

SHEPHERDING TASKS

o Make time to communicate with your mentee’s small group leader, if this would be helpful, as you each pray for and pour into the participant.

o Reach out to your Coach for any help you might need.

Notes:

The Result: Justification, Adoption and Sanctification

Meeting #5 (Covering Week 4 Homework)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

ROMANS 8:29-30

Those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES

• Day 1: Romans 8

• Day 2: Revelation 21-22; 1 Peter 1:3-9

• Day 3: Romans 7

• Day 4: Matthew 15:1-20

• Day 5: Ephesians 4:17-5:2

• Day 6: Galatians 2:15-3:3

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

▶ LARGE GROUP TEACHING: “THE RESULT: JUSTIFICATION, ADOPTION AND SANCTIFICATION”

• What are some of the more meaningful “gospel truths” for you and your particular story? (Truths about God’s character, what the gospel says is true of us in Christ, and the promises of God)

• How will these truths help carry you through difficult trials? Be specific. (Adoption, Sanctification, Justification)

• The gospel can seem too good to be true. What truths do you have difficulty believing are true for you? Where is more faith needed?

• What does the gospel call us to that is challenging, confusing or even questionable?

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Ask if they had any questions from this week’s homework. Ask if there was anything meaningful that stood out in their time in God’s Word. Discuss following questions, which are from their “Day Seven” homework. Take notes as needed (this is a time to listen).

MENTOR DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. How do you tend to view suffering in your life? How might the precious truths of Romans 8 shape your views? How might God redeem your specific suffering for His glory and your good?

2. Paul rebuked the church in Galatia for trying to perfect themselves through human effort alone (works). How have you tried to overcome sin by trying harder instead of seeking God and trusting the Spirit’s work in you (grace)? How specifically does this look in your life?

3. Where have you excused or placed blame for your ungodly thoughts, behaviors and emotions (examples: family upbringing, suffering and loss, a diagnosis, “the devil made me do it”, blaming others)?

4. If God’s good goal for our lives is to conform us to the image of His Son, is this now your goal? How will you work towards this goal?

5. What reservations do you have about examining your own heart?

6. What “grievous ways” has God revealed to you (ways your sin has grieved the heart of God)?

7. Instead of presenting your members for unrighteousness (Romans 6:13), how might you use the same effort, enthusiasm and creativity in presenting yourself to God as an instrument of righteousness?

8. What evidences of the Spirit of God do you see working in you?

9. A changed heart means we move from an attitude of begrudging submission to an honest desire to engage the war going on in our hearts. Where are you as you head into assessments?

10. In your own words, what do each of these gospel truths mean for you personally?

ADOPTION

JUSTIFICATION

HEIR

SANCTIFICATION

11. Describe what you envision in the new heavens and new earth. What is present or absent that your heart longs for?

12. What are your thoughts, concerns, and fears about completing your assessments? If not ready, why?

What time will you set aside to do them? When will you meet with your mentor to go over them (this may take longer than your previous meetings)?

13. Going into assessments, what prayer would you like to offer to God?

The Result: Justification,

14. (Optional) Biblical lament includes getting honest with God about our suffering while being reminded of His presence, truth and promises. What difficulty do you need to get honest about? In your free time, write a psalm to God. Be sure to include truths that speak to your difficulty.

Note: Find a worksheet to help you write your own lament in Appendix G

REVIEW TRUTH FROM WEEK 4:

As children of God armed with the Holy Spirit and standing firm in the gospel, we engage in the spiritual battle over the reign and rule of our hearts. God set us apart for holiness, and we look to put to death the areas of our lives that keep us from reflecting Jesus Christ to a dark and dying world. We first examine the fruit in our lives (or moral symptoms). As we move through the assessment process, we will uncover the roots of any ungodly fruit (pride and idolatry) that drives our ungodly thoughts, actions and emotions.

SPEAK, LEAD, REMIND & PRAY

As the participant is transparent and bares their soul, it is important for you to cover them with gospel hope through prayer as you conclude.

Before concluding your meeting, be sure you both make note of the time and place you will meet next.

AFTER YOU MEET

REFLECTION

A prayerful time of reflection will help lead you to speak redemptively into your mentee. Ask yourself questions about each participant: What areas need healing?

Were any lies spoken about the truths of God and His character? What sinful patterns or strongholds did you discern?

Did you hear any unmet longings or desires?

How could you encourage this person?

What Scriptures speak to their situation?

SHEPHERDING TASKS

o Your mentee’s small group leader should be reaching out to you this week. Make a point to connect over ways you are both caring for your Thrive participant.

o Reach out to your Coach for any help you might need.

The Result: Justification, Adoption and Sanctification

Notes:

Understanding Ourselves

WEEKS 5-8

Assessment Prep Meeting #6 (Covering Week 5 Homework)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES (NOT NECESSARILY DAILY READING)

• 1 John 1:5-10

• Proverbs 28:13; James 5:16; Acts 19:18

• Romans 7:18

• Jeremiah 6:14

• 1 Corinthians 15:3-4

• Matthew 15:18-19

• Galatians 5:16-23

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

▶

LARGE GROUP TEACHING:

“WHEN

WE SUFFER”

• How have you pretended like everything is okay when in reality you are suffering or troubled? (We’re looking for coping; patterns of things they turn to.)

• In light of the fact that we have all experienced suffering, in what ways can you see wounds from your past surfacing in your life today? (What is still hurting?)

(For those who haven’t shared deeply yet No need to repeat stories here )

• Share a recent example of how you responded to suffering. It can be as small as an insult (We’re looking for the connection between sin and suffering in a person’s life, and if they tend to defend/depend on self or depend on God.)

• Because Jesus is our Redeemer and Healer, we can be hopeful about healing. Do you have some ideas about the areas of healing you need that you could share with the group?

• What are your thoughts, concerns and fears as we head into assessments?

(Refer to the pre-assessment instructions in the Participant Guide ) Does everyone have at least 3 people praying for them?

SPECIAL INSTRUCTIONS FOR MENTORS THIS WEEK

This week is a transition week. Rather than processing through their application of the Bible study, you will listen to your mentee as they process how they are preparing their hearts for the assessments ahead of them. They will hear a teaching on suffering during Large Group this week. This is where we will help differentiate between our identities as a saint (if we are in Christ), a sinner, and a sufferer. We will bring clarity to the definitions of trauma, abuse, neglect, and abandonment … all of which fall under the umbrella of “suffering.”

WHERE WE’RE GOING NEXT WEEK

We have broken the assessments down over a three-week period. The first time the participant works through the process, they may find it overwhelming. Help them focus on the major convictions that hinder their love for God and others.

Below is the suggested order to follow when completing the assessments. Participants should not only set aside time to complete the assessment forms, but schedule time with you to share their assessment. (They write this down on p. 120 of their Participant Guide.)

This Week (5)

Assessment Prep

Trauma & Suffering

Anger & Resentments

Assessments

Sexual Immorality

Guilt & Shame

IMPORTANCE OF MENTORS AND COMMUNITY

Fear & Anxiety

Greif & Loss

Week 9

Uprooting & Repenting

Mentors provide primary support through the assessment process. Mentors should know when participants are doing their assessment so you can be in prayer for them. You should be available in case they have any questions or difficulties.

If we understand the nature of our hearts apart from Christ, we should not be surprised how dark they can be. It is like looking into the bottom of a dark well. We will have to look up for light.

ROMANS 7:18

For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.

We do not balance the assessments in the traditional sense of listing our good moral behavior against our bad, but we do want to balance the assessments with gospel truths as we engage the battle.

As we pursue holiness, we must do so from a firm foundation of who we are in Christ and all that He has done and promised. We must remember what is of first importance.

1 CORINTHIANS 15:3-4

For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, 4that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

MENTOR DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

These are taken from week 9 in the Thrive Participant Guide.

1 JOHN 1:5-7

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. 6If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. 7But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

MENTEES COMPLETE THE TABLE BASED ON 1 JOHN 1:

7 8 9 10

What are the benefits of living in the light?

What can we conclude about living in darkness?

ACTIVE VS PASSIVE HEART

MATTHEW 15:18-19

But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander.

The heart is the wellspring of our lives (Proverbs 4:23). From it comes ungodly thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. This fruit is not merely a product of our biology (nature) or environment (nurture) but emanates from our hearts that actively respond to these influences. These unfruitful responses are our responsibility and we are called to war against them.

Eve was influenced by the serpent (the fertile ground of her sin), but she was still responsible for eating the fruit. Adam was influenced by the voice of his wife (Genesis 3:17), but he was still responsible for what came out of his heart (eating the fruit).

The context or fertile ground often makes our sin understandable, but it does not justify it or make it right. God has compassion for us amidst the ungodly influences in our lives, while at the same time speaking truth to what is coming out of our hearts (with comfort and even correction when out of step with His heart). By God’s grace and in His timing, we will overcome all these influences in Christ. We will bring Him glory through lives changed by the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Living with a passive heart will keep us stuck because we believe we can’t live fruitful lives unless others and our circumstances change. The Bible teaches us that we can have the fruit of joy (Gal. 5:22) and contentment (Phil. 4:12) even in difficulty through our relationship with Him.

Are these active or passive heart statements?

ACTIVE PASSIVE

You make me so angry (feel so guilty, etc.)!

You gave me fertile ground to get angry, but the anger came from my heart.

The devil made me do it!

The serpent deceived me, and I ate. (Genesis 3:13)

The woman whom you gave to me, she gave me the fruit and I ate.

I am grumpy or difficult because I am hungry (hangry) or tired.

I drink because I am anxious. I sin because I am bipolar.

My anxiety is fertile ground for my choosing to drink.

My current sinful patterns are because of what I experienced as a child.

One way we can tell whether we are living passive heartedly is to evaluate what we are focused on changing. Would you say you have been primarily concerned with changing others and your circumstances or being changed by the gospel? Try listing some things you would like to change in the space below.

In what ways can you see yourself living with a passive heart?

HELPING THEM RE-THINK THEIR STORY

In John 5:2-9, we learn the story of a man who encounters healing in Jesus. What is his story? Where has he been seeking healing?

How would you summarize your story before meeting Jesus? What were you pursuing, thinking everything would be okay if achieved?

How has your life changed after encountering Jesus? What now defines your life?

READ EPHESIANS CHAPTERS 1-3 AND NOTE GOSPEL TRUTHS

Ephesians 1:

If you are human, there are likely times you are tempted with self-pity or “poor me.” What is the story you tell yourself and others about your life? Does it result in self-pity or does it lead you to seek and rely on Him?

When we are stuck in self-pity, what are we not considering?

How might these truths influence how you tell your story?

Ephesians 2:

Verses 1-10 describe the testimony of every believer. What worldly direction were you following before being made alive in Christ? What were your flesh patterns?

What changed according to this verse? How?

For what purpose?

What does this all mean for you?

Ephesians 3:

This is the only message worth living for, and the only message that will bring true peace to the world. The message acknowledges our sinfulness and His redemptive love.

Three Circles: Who’s on the Throne?

• Self-Centered (Selfish)

• Self-Seeking (Fear)

• Self-Reliant (Power)

• Obsessed with control, others and circumstances.

• Alive to sin but spiritually dead. authority

• Alive in Christ, but in a season(s) of rebellion, seeking other satisfactions.

• Deeds of the Flesh (Galatians 5:19-21)

• Leads to death, destruction and chaos (faithful servant)

• Dependent on my Creator

• Surrendered to God’s Sovereignty

• Fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)

• Abundant Life!

At any time we are living out of one of these circles.

1. The first circle represents us in our lostness. We don’t know God; born into sin we sit on the throne of our own lives seeking the world to satisfy our desires. We live by a self-centered fear to meet our own needs. We attempt to control others, outcomes, and circumstances. This leads to chaos and a lack of fruitfulness.

2. The second circle represents a Christian that is walking by the flesh. There is some circumstance that has presented itself in which we distrust God and attempt to take back control. This again leads to chaos and a lack of fruitfulness.

3. The third circle represents a life of faith surrendered to God. We trust in the goodness and plan of God for our lives. We trust He is in control, so we don’t have to be. This leads to faithfulness.

As we examine the truths about our hearts, why is it important to remember and believe the gospel?

REVIEW TRUTH FROM WEEK 5:

Under the covering of God’s grace, we step out in faith, leaving behind our old, self-protective ways of covering sin and hiding from God. We prayerfully come into the light, confessing our sins before God and to one another so that we may be healed.

SPEAK, LEAD, REMIND & PRAY

As the participant is transparent and bares their soul, it is important for you to cover them with gospel hope through prayer as you conclude.

Before concluding your meeting, be sure you both make note of the time and place you will meet next.

AFTER YOU MEET

REFLECTION

A prayerful time of reflection will help lead you to speak redemptively into your mentee.

Ask yourself questions about each participant: What areas need healing?

Were any lies spoken about the truths of God and His character?

What sinful patterns or strongholds did you discern?

Did you hear any unmet longings or desires?

How could you encourage this person?

What Scriptures speak to their situation?

SHEPHERDING TASKS

o Your mentee’s small group leader should be reaching out to you this week. Make a point to connect over ways you are both caring for your Thrive participant

o Reach out to your Coach for any help you might need.

Notes:

Instructions for Mentors During Assessments

WHAT IS AN ASSESSMENT?

AN ASSESSMENT IS

Learning to examine our hearts, guided by the Holy Spirit

Understanding our problems biblically

A snapshot of an event

AN ASSESSMENT IS NOT

An attempt to document every sin

Seeing how the gospel can be applied specifically

A definition of who I am

Our goal is not to write a perfect assessment of every sin you have ever committed, but to discover dysfunctional (sinful) patterns of relating to God, self and others. We want to be free of the things that rob us of our affections for Christ and hinder our ability to live for His kingdom purposes. Through this process we want you to learn how to examine your heart. You can always add to your assessment later.

It is important that we root ourselves in the gospel as we examine the darkness of our hearts. We begin by standing in the truths of the gospel what Christ has accomplished, what He is accomplishing and what He promises to accomplish. We ask the Holy Spirit to reveal those areas that hinder us from properly relating to God and others as ambassadors in a lost and dying world. We spend time writing what He reveals in our assessment. We must continually remember the gospel, believe the gospel and stand in the gospel so that the enemy does not cause us to stumble.

MENTOR’S ROLE

YOUR MAIN GOAL DURING ASSESSMENTS: LISTEN AND PRAY.

A PATTERN OF CONFESSION AND PRAYER

As mentors we have the blessing of being an extension of Christ’s love and are able to pray with those who are confessing the most troubling aspects of their lives as they share their hearts. With the compassion of Jesus we bear witness to His faithfulness.

The pattern is simple: They will confess and pray... confess and pray... confess and pray. You will love and listen, ask clarifying questions, share similarities and encouragement as led by the Spirit.

• In Genesis, Adam and Eve ultimately confess their sin and are covered by God’s grace, where Cain denies his sin.

• In the book of Revelation, Jesus rebukes the church in Ephesus for forsaking their first love and are called to repent and do the works they did at first. In Acts we find that the early church in Ephesus is practicing confession.

You will have the opportunity to address the deeper issues of the heart and help the person you are walking with identify any sinful patterns of relating to God and others on Week 9. There is space provided with each assessment type to take notes to refer back to later.

THE ROUTINE FOR EACH ASSESSMENT

First: please read, understand, and ask for God’s help as you prepare for each topic.

As you begin each meeting time, connect with your mentee and open in prayer as usual.

Below is a simplified diagram showing the elements you will go through as you work your way through each story within each assessment. (You may likely have more than one story per topic, in which case you will do all the below steps and then loop back to hear the next story, etc.)

3. Explain prayer and pray with them Repeat with next story

1. Listen to story and make notes of patterns

2. Thank

them for sharing

Trauma and Suffering

Meeting #7 (Part 1)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

MICAH

7:8

Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me.

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES FOR TRAUMA AND SUFFERING

• Deuteronomy 26:7

• Micah 7:8-10

• Psalm 9:7-10; 10:17-18; 12:5; 56:1-11; 71:20-22; 103:4

• Joel 2:25-26

• John 10:10

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

• Give examples from your assessments, or recent past, of how you typically respond to injustice or offenses committed against you.

• In what ways do you justify your sinful anger or other bad fruit? (Give everyone the opportunity to answer.)

• Read Matthew 5:21-22. This is Jesus’ teaching on unrighteous anger and its impact (physical abuse to verbal/emotional abuse). Murder and anger in our hearts are clearly different in degree, but who are they both liable to? (One person answers.)

• Read Romans 12:19-21. Most of us respond to perceived injustices/offenses either passively or aggressively. (We can suppress the anger or retaliate.) How does Scripture call us to respond to our enemies? How does the world tell us we should respond? (One person answers.)

• Read Matthew 5:38-42. What examples does Jesus give for responding to personal offenses? How does He say to actively respond to these injustices? (One person answers.)

• What is challenging for you personally in terms of how the Bible teaches us to respond to injustices?

TRAUMA AND SUFFERING

Trauma, abuse, neglect and abandonment often provide the “fertile ground” for our dysfunctional patterns of relating to God, self and others.

Suffering with chronic health conditions, diagnoses, enduring impacts of bodily abnormalities, and physical consequences/damage due to an accident are also opportunities that can lead to seeing God and our relationships differently. These variations of suffering should also be considered as you approach the following Scriptures and assessment.

Trauma, according to the American Psychological Association, is an emotional response to a terrible event that hinders a person’s ability to move forward in a healthy way. Trauma can happen through a single event or through sustained exposure overtime.

Abuse can be understood as the misuse of anything. God created all things for His glory, and misuse of His creation is a type of abuse and ultimately sinful. All sin is abusive, and sin against others is undeserved. There is, however, a type of abuse that moves beyond what might be considered normative in the Christian life. This type of abuse often includes intent to harm and can characterize a relationship of oppression. This type of abuse is particularly horrific and, in keeping with God’s heart for the oppressed, the church must be a redemptive instrument in intervening and protecting the abused. As with any sin, we cannot overcome its efforts independent of God, but He has provided the way to overcome sin through the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Neglect is defined as a failure to care properly for someone. Abandonment can lead to neglect.

TRAUMA AND SUFFERING ASSESSMENT INSTRUCTIONS

Source (Who or What): List the people, institutions or events that may have caused harm to you.

The Story (What Happened): Explain what happened to you. Be specific. Some may prefer writing narrative while others may prefer bullet points.

Type of Trauma/Suffering/Neglect/Abuse:

PHYSICAL ABUSE, ASSAULT, NEGLECT, TRAUMATIC EVENTS, DIAGNOSIS, ILLNESS

SEXUAL ABUSE, DATE RAPE, RAPE, MOLESTATION, INCEST, HARASSMENT, NEGLECT, GROOMNG

EMOTIONAL ABUSE, SHAMING, EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL, GUILT TRIPS, EMOTIONAL INCEST, NEGLECT RELATIONAL COERCION, INTIMIDATION, OPPRESSION, FALSE WITNESS, ABUSE OF AUTHORITY, SLANDER

VERBAL THREATENING, BELITTLING, RIDICULING, DEMEANING, NAME-CALLING, FALSE ACCUSATIONS

SPIRITUAL SATANIC RITUAL ABUSE, OCCULT RITUAL ABUSE, CULTS, CHURCH

Fruit: Circle if Shame, Resentment, Fear/Anxiety, Guilt or Grief are currently present in your life. Add the situation to the corresponding assessment sheets. For example, if you have an uncle listed for physical abuse that has resulted in shame, add it also it to your Guilt and Shame assessment on week 7.

Impact: How has the situation impacted you?

My Response: List ways you have attempted to cope with this.

Here is an example of the Trauma & Suffering Assessment form:

TRAUMA AND SUFFERING ASSESSMENT FORM

The Source Who/What?

The Story What happened?

The Type of Trauma/Suffering/Neglect/Abuse Circle all that apply.

Physical Spiritual Emotional

Verbal Relational Sexual

The Fruit Circle all that apply.

Shame Guilt Grief/Loss

Fear/Anxiety Resentment

The Impact

My Response Attempts to Cope

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Always open and close your time together in prayer. Be intentional about connecting organically and ask about their week, showing genuine interest in the details of his or her life.

LISTEN TO ASSESSMENT(S)

Kindly mention to your mentee that their stories are important, and that you will be making a few discrete notes as they share. This may be fear-inducing to some, but ensure that you are only attempting to remember important aspects so that your time together can be useful during the Thrive mentoring process. You want to pray and encourage well.

LISTEN FOR AND MAKE NOTE OF:

• Lies the participant seems to believe. Some examples may include, “If they had not done this I would be okay”; “The abuse was my fault”; “The abuse was God’s fault”; “I deserved it”; or “I am unwanted.” Other lies might be that God had forsaken them during the abuse, not realizing that God intervened by sending His Son. Also listen for the lies within Satan’s seduction (Genesis 3:1–6) like “I can’t trust God”; “I’m the only one who can be trusted”; “I can be my own God”; and “It is no big deal.”

• Sinful patterns in response to abuse. For example, a child has no role in the abuse that they suffered. They did not cause it and they did not deserve it. In many cases there was nothing the child could have done to prevent it. However, when that same child grows up and uses his or her abuse to justify sin, rebellion and distrust of the Lord, they are responding sinfully.

• Areas that need healing.

• Areas where the participant needs to take faithful action. This may include confession, amends or biblical confrontation.

• Unmet longings and desires.

EXAMPLES OF SINFUL RESPONSES TO NOTE:

• Taking responsibility for what is not theirs and not taking responsibility for what is theirs

• Refusing to trust God or believe the best of others

• Using sex to control sex as a weapon or tool

• A fear or hatred of sexuality, which is a good gift from God

• Taking revenge or fantasizing about getting revenge

• Constantly living in a victim mentality

• Various forms of self-protection, including isolation, idolizing safety, hyper-vigilance to potential harm and disassociation

• Killing good, God-given desires and thinking, If I did not desire these things, then I wouldn’t be hurt

• Manipulating others for their affections, deceiving them out of a fear they will leave

• Rejecting the healing that comes in Christ while insisting on it from the world

Notes:

LIES/VOWS AREAS THAT NEED HEALING

SINFUL PATTERNS/CHARACTER DEFECTS FAITHFUL ACTION NEEDED

UNMET LONGINGS/DESIRES

PRAYER FOR ABUSE

Prior to praying, have your mentee read through, understand, and agree with each prayer, so they pray from the heart and not with empty words.

Heavenly Father,

I thank You that You are the God who sees. I thank You that when (name the abuser) (name the abuse), You saw. I thank You that when no one else heard my cries, You did. You sent Your Son to this world to rescue me and give me life. Jesus, You know well my pain, as You Yourself suffered much at the hands of sinners. I pray that You might teach me through your Spirit to love as You love. Thank You for rescuing me from the dominion of darkness, bringing me with You into eternity. I thank You that we are no longer victims, but more than conquerors through the cross. In Christ, I am redeemed. I pray, in the name of Jesus Christ, that you would heal any emotional, spiritual, mental, relational or physical damage done as a result of this abuse in my life as well as any others affected, for Your glory and Your name’s sake. Help me not to focus on how I have been treated by people but on the riches of your grace toward me. Show me how to be an instrument of your redeeming love in this situation. (Pray for this person.)

In Jesus’ name, amen.

ELEMENTS OF THIS PRAYER:

• Acknowledge that God sees, knows and cares about your specific situation

• Thank Him that He provides a way out

• Acknowledge that Christ understands, as He Himself suffered and ask the Spirit would teach you to love as He loves

• Thank Him that we are no longer enslaved to the darkness and that we will spend eternity with Him

• Pray for healing

• Ask Him to help you focus on the riches you have been given eternally rather than those that have been taken in this life

• Pray for wisdom in being an instrument of His redeeming love in this situation

• Pray for the person

• Acknowledge we are more than conquerors in Christ and, therefore, no longer victims

PRAYER FOR TRAUMA

Prior to praying, have your mentee read through, understand, and agree with each prayer, so they pray from the heart and not with empty words.

Heavenly Father,

I thank You that You are the God who redeems all things. You truly know my past, my inescapable reality. It wasn’t over, though it seemed all was lost. Memories of the trauma of (name the trauma) haunt me in the still of the night and are often triggered in broad daylight. I attempt to cope by suppressing it all. It left me shell-shocked and numb. Trusting often seems so far away but Your love pursues me. We stand here now on the other side together. I have been given new life by the King. Your Son lives, and so do I. The scars I carry are markers of all You have carried me through. At times they are still tender, but You are near and intimately aware. Your voice gently calls me to the deepest part of my heart at the dawning of each new day.

You say, “My child, trust me and let go” of unfruitful patterns of coping. You call me away from living a life of avoidance and call me into presence with You and others. The fact that Your Son lives is a demonstration that, in You, I will overcome all things. My harmless triggers are no longer things to be avoided but opportunities to press in and commune with You. You desire to replace these former associations with redeemed memories of small victories with You. Help me not to follow my own will just because it is familiar. Help me not to return to the empty ways I seek my own comfort. Help me to know, hear and trust Your voice. Thank You that You are rescuing me from it all, freeing me from the power of sin and bringing me healing and freedom in Christ.

Help me...heal me. in Jesus’ name!

ELEMENTS OF THIS PRAYER:

• Thank God for providing redemption of all things in Christ

• Name the experience and it’s effects on your life

• Acknowledge any unfruitful ways of coping

• Affirm what God is calling us away from and what He is calling us to

• Affirm that He is bigger than our triggers and can be trusted as we lay down new pathways, replacing their former associations with new memories of victories in Him

• Ask for help and healing

PRAYER FOR OTHER FORMS OF SUFFERING

Prior to praying, have your mentee read through, understand, and agree with each prayer, so they pray from the heart and not with empty words.

Heavenly Father,

I thank You that You are the God who draws near to the broken. You are not distant from my pain You see it, You know it, and You care deeply. In this season of suffering no matter the type You are not absent. It hurts more than I can describe. I feel weary, disoriented, and tempted to despair. I want relief, and at times I wonder if You see or hear me. But Your Word tells me that You are the God who suffers with us and for us. Jesus, You entered into our world of sorrow and bore the weight of our grief. You did not turn away from suffering You embraced it, and in doing so, You redeemed it.

Even when my prayers feel dry and my strength feels gone, You remain steady. You are not waiting for me to get it together You are holding me even now. In this suffering, You are shaping me, not punishing me. You are refining my faith like gold in the fire. You are near to the crushed in spirit. Help me not to waste this pain. Help me to meet You in it. Show me how to endure with hope, to weep with You, to wait with You.

Teach me to trust that resurrection always follows the cross. Though sorrow lasts for a night, joy comes in the morning. I believe help my unbelief. I long for comfort, but more than that, I long for You. Be my portion, my strength, my peace. Carry me when I cannot walk. Remind me that I am not alone.

Thank You that suffering will not have the last word You will. And in Christ, so will I.

Help me…heal me…in Jesus’ name. Amen.

A REDEMPTIVE VIEW OF SUFFERING

Abuse is the misuse of anything. God created all things for His glory, and misuse of His creation is abuse and ultimately sinful. All sin is abuse, and sin against others is undeserved. On our own, we cannot overcome the effects of sin, but He has provided a way to overcome sin and its effects through the gospel of Jesus Christ. God has the power to redeem all forms of abuse and suffering. In Christ, through the Spirit, we will display His supremacy and victory over evil as we arise over sin, shame and even death.

WASHING IN THE WORD

After praying through the Trauma and Suffering Assessment you can use these truths to be encouraged in the battle.

1 Peter 2:19-25

This scripture explains that Jesus suffered abuse righteously and left us an example of how to respond to abuse.

Psalm 56:1-11

This scripture illustrates God’s heart for the abused. He has not forgotten them He has heard their cries. The cross of Christ doesn’t just justify sinners it also vindicates victims.

LIFE-GIVING TRUTHS

Jesus suffered abuse. He was neglected, betrayed, humiliated, stripped naked, beaten and killed. This demonstrates three life-giving truths.

He understands. He deeply understands what you have gone through and what you are feeling because He experienced it. He knows your pain.

The abuse does not define you.

Your abuse does not justify your sin. It may give fertile ground for your sin but your response comes from your heart. Jesus did not respond to His abuse in sin or vengeance; He “(entrusted) himself to him who judges justly.” The more Christ reigns and rules in your heart, the more Christ-like your response will be.

God will vindicate you and bring justice. For all those who do not repent, the wrath of God remains and there will be justice.

Anger and Resentments

Meeting #7 (Part 2)

HEBREWS 12:15

See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES FOR ANGER AND RESENTMENT

• Matthew 5:21-22

• Luke 6:35-36

• Romans 12:19

• John 5:30

• Hebrews 12:15

• James 1:19-2

• Psalm 4:14

REMINDER OF WHAT’S

BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

• Give examples from your assessments, or recent past, of how you typically respond to injustice or offenses committed against you.

• In what ways do you justify your sinful anger or other bad fruit? (Give everyone the opportunity to answer.)

• Read Matthew 5:38-42. What examples does Jesus give for responding to personal offenses? How does He say to actively respond to these injustices? (One person answers.)

• What is challenging for you personally in terms of how the Bible teaches us to respond to injustices?

Anger and Resentments

ANGER AND RESENTMENT

To understand resentment, we must first understand anger. Anger is an emotional response to a perceived wrong that demands justice. A resentment is a “root of bitterness” that takes hold in our hearts when we fail to entrust offenses to the Lord. They make us unfruitful, sucking nutrients (energy) that could be used productively. Resentments also defile others. They can be displayed in acting toward someone in a way we shouldn’t or not acting in a way toward someone that we should. We tend to replay in our minds the situations in which we have been treated unjustly.

ANGER AND RESENTMENT ASSESSMENT INSTRUCTIONS

Who or What: List those whom you are resentful toward. Examples: PEOPLE

• God/Jesus

• Clergy/Pastors

• Step Parents/Grandparents

• Step Siblings

• Extended family

• In-laws

• Adopted/Foster family

• Husbands/Wives

• Boyfriends/Girlfriends

• Babysitters

• Playmates

• Childhood friends

• Family friends

• Middle school/High school friends

• College classmates (fraternity/sorority)

• Current friends

• Teachers/Counselors/Principals/Coaches

• Employers

• Co-workers

• Creditors

• Police/Probation/Parole officers

• Judges/Lawyers

• Church members

• Cult members

• Gang members

• Sports team members

• Acquaintances/Neighbors

• Politicians/Civic leaders

• Counselors/Therapists/Psychiatrists

• Doctors/Nurses/Aides

INSTITUTIONS

• Religion/Church

• Marriage/Family

• Recovery programs

• Treatment centers

• Judicial/Correctional

• Government

• Education

• Mental Health

• Corporations

SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLES

• Authority

• Confession

• Repentance

• Heaven/Hell

• Election

• Predestination

• Law

• Sin

• Sickness/Death

• Restitution

• Divorce/Separation

• Reconciliation

The Story (What Happened): Explain why you are resentful and list the specific action done to you. Some will prefer writing narrative while others may prefer bullet points. The Impact: Describe the impact of this resentment on your life and your relationships (fruitful or unfruitful).

What Part of Self Was Hurt or Threatened (or what I was seeking to satisfy):

There are three major categories:

• Social

• Security

• Sexual

You may view these three major categories as a threat at the time the incident occurred or a threat to a future hope (ambitions). In other words, you could be resentful toward someone who intruded in a current, personal relationship or threatened a future hope or ambition for that relationship.

Here is an example of the Anger and Resentment Assessment form:

ANGER AND RESENTMENTS ASSESSMENT FORM

Who

or What?

What or who are you resentful toward?

The Story

What happened? Explain why you are resentful and list the specifc action done to you.

The Impact

Describe the impact of this resentment on your life and your relationships (fruitful or unfruitful).

What Part of Self was Hurt or Threatened? (Circle all that apply.) Self Esteem

Anger and Resentments

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY,

LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Always open and close your time together in prayer. Be intentional about connecting organically and ask about their week, showing genuine interest in the details of his or her life.

LISTEN TO ASSESSMENT(S)

LISTEN FOR AND MAKE NOTE OF:

• Lies the participant seems to believe. For example, “If I forgive them, they will just get away with this.”

• Patterns of sin and sinful responses.

• Areas that need healing.

• Areas where the participant needs to take faithful action. This may include confession, amends or biblical confrontation.

• Unmet longings and desires.

EXAMPLES OF SINFUL RESPONSES TO NOTE:

• Putting unrealistic expectations on a person and becoming resentful when they fail you

• Judging or being angry over things that you yourself do

• Using judgment as a means of elevating yourself or making yourself feel better about your own sins

• Being passive aggressive (pretending not to be resentful by

• indirectly expressing negative emotions rather than addressing them directly)

Notes:

LIES/VOWS AREAS THAT NEED HEALING

SINFUL PATTERNS/CHARACTER DEFECTS FAITHFUL ACTION NEEDED

UNMET LONGINGS/DESIRES

Anger and Resentments

PRAYER FOR RESENTMENTS TOWARD OTHERS

Prior to praying, have your mentee read through, understand, and agree with each prayer, so they pray from the heart and not with empty words.

Heavenly Father,

I acknowledge (person’s name) is not exempt from the fall and the effects of sin. Though I don’t like the symptoms of this spiritual disease or how it has affected me, he/she, like me, is a sinner too. I confess that I have stood in judgment of person’s name for the cause. Forgive me, Father, for allowing bitterness and resentment to reside in my heart, preventing my ability to be an instrument of Your redeeming love. As You, Father, have extended Your grace to me through Jesus Christ, I ask the Holy Spirit to enable me to reflect Christ in this situation. Today I, as an unrighteous judge, turn this offense over to You, my righteous judge and king. I trust in Your will and Your plan and choose to live in the freedom You have promised. How may I be an ambassador of Your love, peace and truth in this situation? I pray in the name of Jesus Christ that You would, for Your name’s sake and glory, heal any damage done as a result of this offense in my life, as well as any others who may have been affected. (Finish prayer by praying for this person according to their needs.)

In Jesus’ name, amen.

ELEMENTS OF THIS PRAYER:

• Humbling yourself as a fellow sinner

• Confess specific resentment

• Asking for forgiveness for harboring bitterness

• Asking the Holy Spirit’s help in being Christ-like

• Turning the offense over to God

• Asking for wisdom on how to best steward this relationship for His kingdom purposes

• Pray for healing

• Pray for this person

PRAYER FOR RESENTMENTS TOWARD SELF

Prior to praying, have your mentee read through, understand, and agree with each prayer, so they pray from the heart and not with empty words.

Heavenly Father,

Forgive me for the ways I have attempted to find righteousness apart from the work of Your Son. By standing outside myself, elevating myself and judging myself for my actions, emotions and behavior and, therefore, “hating myself,” I have attempted to deal with my shortcomings according to the law rather than Your grace. I tend to punish myself when I break my standards, seeking some sense of justification. In doing so, I try to deal with my sin independent of You and remain in self-imposed bondage. I have placed myself above You as judge. Today I come humbly before You that I might come under the waterfall of Your grace. Thank you for Your Son, Jesus, and the freedom that grace brings!

In Jesus’ name, amen.

ELEMENTS OF THIS PRAYER:

• Ask for forgiveness for attempting to find righteousness apart from Christ

• Acknowledge the self-imposed bondage you have created in attempting to deal with your sin apart from Christ

• Confess your attempt to deal with your shortcomings according to the law rather than grace

• Ask to stand under His grace and the freedom He brings

• Repent of your punishment and judgment of yourself in an attempt to seek justification

• Give thanks for Jesus

Anger and Resentments

PRAYER FOR RESENTMENTS TOWARD GOD

Prior to praying, have your mentee read through, understand, and agree with each prayer, so they pray from the heart and not with empty words.

Heavenly Father,

I confess my resentment toward You for (the cause). I ask Your forgiveness for my pride, standing in judgment of a good, perfect, just and holy God who can see the eternal perspective, while I can only see what is right before me. Help me, by the power of Your Holy Spirit, to trust You and remember that Your plans are to bless me and not to harm me, to give me hope and a future.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

ELEMENTS OF THIS PRAYER:

• Confess specific resentment

• Ask for forgiveness for standing in judgment

• Humbly acknowledge you do not knows as God knows

• Repent of not trusting God and His eternal perspective

• Give thanks for the assurance God provides His children

A REDEMPTIVE VIEW OF ANGER

Anger is an emotional response to a perceived wrong that demands justice. Not all anger is sinful it can be the appropriate response to injustice. Unrighteous anger is rooted in man’s attempts to meet his own idolatrous desires. Righteous anger is aligned with the Spirit and flows from the heart of God in love for that which He cares about, spurring us on to gospelcentered action to eradicate evil and injustice.

WASHING IN THE WORD

After praying through the Resentments Assessment you can use these truths to be encouraged in the battle.

Romans 12:19-21

We don’t have to take revenge, not because God doesn’t care about justice, but because God says He will bring perfect justice.

Romans 2:1-5

God is righteous in His judgments. In our judgement of others, we often condemn ourselves because we are guilty of the same things, if even only at the heart level.

LIFE-GIVING TRUTHS

Jesus got angry. However, His anger was never selfish and always reflected God’s heart.

Mark 3:1-6

We see Jesus angered in the synagogue, grieved at the hardness of men’s hearts. This was motivated by a love for His people and anger toward sin. Notice His anger moves Him to act in accordance with God’s redemptive purposes.

Mark 11:15-19

Jesus clears the temple in response to the use of His Father’s house by the money changers for selfish gain. Out of love for His Father and zeal for His Father’s house, He responds with a righteous anger. Notice this was not a reaction to a personal attack but rather a response to an offense against His Father (sin).

God is reconciling the world through His son. No sin will go unpunished. Those who have hurt us will either receive the same grace and mercy we have received through the cross, or they will be judged and spend eternity in torment. Maybe the knowledge of this coming judgment will free you to act as an ambassador of Christ to those who have hurt you.

Sexual Immorality

Meeting #8 (Part 1)

1 CORINTHIANS 6:18-20

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 19Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, 20for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES FOR SEXUAL IMMORALITY

• Genesis 1:22; 2:24

• Micah 7:18-20

• 1 John 3:2-3

• Joel 2:25

• 1 Corinthians 6:14-20; 9:9-11

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

• How do you view sex? Do you view it as dirty or a delight? Do you see it as gross or a gift? Do you tend to despise the gift, worship the gift or worship the Giver?

• What has shaped your view of sex?

SEXUAL IMMORALITY

Sexual immorality is any sexual act that occurs outside of God’s intended design for sex between one man and one woman within the marriage covenant. Beyond sexual acts, God looks deeper to the desires and motivations of the heart.

SEXUAL IMMORALITY ASSESSMENT INSTRUCTIONS

Participants are to prayerfully consider areas of sexual immorality. As a subset of guilt and shame, we are looking for those activities that grieve God’s heart and burden us. How have you participated in sex outside of God’s intended design? Feel free to add to the list.

ACTIONS

• Premarital sex

• Adultery

• Promiscuity

• Lust

• Fantasizing

• Pornography

• Prostitution

• Sexual abuse/Rape/Date rape

• Phone/Cyber sex

• Sexual enticement

• Self sex/Masturbation

ORIENTATION

• Homosexuality

• Bisexuality

• Polyamory

• Pedophilia

• Bestiality

Who or What: Who or what have I engaged sexually outside of God’s intended design?

The Story (What Happened): Write what happened.

The Impact: Describe the impact this sin has had on your life and the lives of others.

What Part of “Self” Was Hurt or Threatened?

Remember: A good desire becomes a lust when we are willing to sin to get it.

Prayerfully consider which of these desires you were attempting to satisfy when you engaged in this activity. Examples: “I wanted him to like me” (social ambition) or “If I could be with that girl then I must be important” (self-esteem, treating women like trophies).

• Social

o Self-esteem: Was I driven by a desire to build my self-esteem, self-confidence, value or self-worth?

o Personal Relationships: Was I seeking acceptance, status or belonging? Or was I responding to rejection?

• Security:

o Materially: Was this driven by my desire for material security (money, a place to stay, a nice dinner)?

o Emotionally: Was this driven by my desire for emotional security (love, peace)?

• Sexual: Was I seeking to satisfy my God-given desire for sex/pleasure outside of His design?

• Ambitions: Did this threaten my future hopes and plans?

Here is an example of the Anger and Resentment Assessment form:

SEXUAL IMMORALITY ASSESSMENT FORM

Who or What?

The Story What happened?

The Impact

What Part of Self was Hurt or Threatened? (Circle all that apply.)

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY,

LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Always open and close your time together in prayer. Be intentional about connecting organically and ask about their week, showing genuine interest in the details of his or her life.

LISTEN TO ASSESSMENT(S)

LISTEN FOR AND MAKE NOTE OF:

• Lies the participant seems to believe.

• Areas where the participant needs to take faithful action. This may include confession, amends or biblical confrontation.

• Sinful patterns in their misuse of sex.

• Areas that need healing.

• Unmet longings and desires.

EXAMPLES OF LIES WE TEND TO BELIEVE:

• Believing that sex is bad or dirty

• Believing that sex is a purely physical act with no spiritual or emotional significance

• Believing that one’s worth is defined by their ability to give sexual pleasure

EXAMPLES OF SINFUL PATTERNS ASSOCIATED WITH SEX:

• Taking on an over-sexualized personality

• Attempting to gain power and control

• Using sex as a form of emotional or physical domination a way to exercise power over another person

• Placing blame on another person for consensual sexual sin. For example: “I was seduced.” “He lied to me.” Although those statements may be true, two people who had consensual sex with each other have both sinned

• A failure to recognize sexual sin as an act of worship (which defiles others as well as self)

• A failure to recognize that using sex to get affection or anything else (including money) is a form of prostitution – using our bodies to get something we desire

• A failure to recognize that participation in prostitution, escorts or strip clubs is a degrading and dignity-robbing practice that reduces a human being, who is made in the image of God, to a base object for sexual pleasure

Notes:

LIES/VOWS AREAS THAT NEED HEALING

SINFUL PATTERNS/CHARACTER DEFECTS FAITHFUL ACTION NEEDED

UNMET LONGINGS/DESIRES

PRAYER FOR SEXUAL IMMORALITY

Prior to praying, have your mentee read through, understand, and agree with each prayer, so they pray from the heart and not with empty words.

Heavenly Father,

I realize that sex is sacred. It is a beautiful picture of oneness reserved exclusively for one man and one woman within the context of the marriage covenant. Sex is a gift from You, intended to glorify You. It is the mingling of souls. Lord, I confess today that I have sinned and operated outside of Your intended design for this holy endeavor by (name immorality). Father, forgive me. I have given intimate parts of myself to another. Lord, I long to glorify You. I ask that You would restore to me a right view of sex. I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, that You would, for Your name’s sake and by Your power, heal the damage done as a result of this situation in my life as well as any others affected. I pray You would break any spiritual ties related to this sin. I trust in the redemptive work of Christ and His covering for my shame. I pray that You would remove or help me take captive the images and emotions tied to these events and help me not to fantasize or take pride in those things which grieve Your heart. Through the cross of Christ, I am made clean.

In Jesus name’, amen.

ELEMENTS OF THIS PRAYER

• Acknowledge the sacred beauty and gift that sex is within it’s intended design

• In Jesus’ name, pray for healing

• Acknowledge the spiritual reality that takes place when two people join together

• In Jesus’ name, pray for the breaking of soul ties

• Confess sin specifically

• Express trust in His work in you

• Ask for forgiveness

• Ask for help in taking your thoughts captive, making them obedient to the will of Christ, and for the removal of images and emotions related to the event

• Express your desire to bring glory to Him

• Pray for a restored view of sex

• Acknowledge having been cleansed

A REDEMPTIVE VIEW OF SEX

Sex is a beautiful and sacred gift given to us by God. It is to be worshipful, but not worshiped. It is to be enjoyed and celebrated within the marriage covenant as a reflection of the gospel and our union with Christ. Any sexual act that occurs outside of God’s intended design is sexual immorality. Beyond action alone, God looks deeper to the desires and motivations of the heart. Only through the gospel will God align our hearts with His purposes for this beautiful and sacred gift.

WASHING IN THE WORD

After praying through the Sexual Immorality Assessment you can use these truths to be encouraged in the battle.

1 John 3:3, Psalm 51:7

When Christ died on the cross, He not only took our sin but also our shame. In Him we are clean, pure, innocent and white as snow.

LIFE-GIVING TRUTHS

Sex is a good gift from God, and He created sex to be pleasurable and enjoyable. When you sin sexually, you feel guilt and shame. Because sin taints everything it touches, your mind will begin to attach the feeling of guilt and shame to sex itself, and you may begin to believe that sex is dirty or shameful. This is a lie. It is only the sin that is shameful. No matter how much you have sinned, He can cleanse you of that shame and redeem you to enjoy His gifts.

Guilt and Shame

Meeting #8 (Part 2)

GALATIANS 2:21

I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose.

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES FOR GUILT AND SHAME

• Genesis 3:10

• Psalm 34: 15-18,22

• Psalm 51:7-8,27

• Hebrews 4:15-16

• 1 John 1:7-9

• Romans 8:1

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

How do you deal with your sin and shame when you are not bringing it prayerfully to Jesus? Give examples. (i.e.: beat yourself up, cover and hide, try to manage it, try harder, do religious or good things, minimize it, sit in it, confess just to feel better, deflect with humor, suppress it, etc.)

GUILT AND SHAME

False guilt is when someone didn’t do anything wrong, but they still feel like they did.

HERE ARE SOME DIFFERENCES BETWEEN GUILT AND SHAME:

GUILT SHAME

• Conviction from the Spirit

• Helpful and Necessary

• “I did something wrong”

• Something I can agree with

• I am guilty of ___________.

• Based on a specific action

• Condemnation from the evil one or self

• Not helpful

• “I am wrong”

• Feels like “embarrassment”

• Attacks our identity

• Can be a result of someone sinning against us

• Can be anger towards self

• Often involves “exposure”

• Genesis “naked” - hiding from the Lord and others

• Involves judgment –something we perceive to be ugly, repulsive in ourselves

GUILT AND SHAME ASSESSMENT INSTRUCTIONS

Participants will prayerfully consider areas of unresolved guilt and shame. We are not looking to record every sin you committed or sin committed against you, but those that burden you or need to be reconciled with God. Denial is not resolution.

GUILT

• Abortion (or approval of one)

• Abuse (verbal, sexual, physical, spiritual, authority, emotional)

• Addictions (gambling, shopping, sexual, drug, alcohol, food, etc.)

• Adultery

• Anger (violence, fighting, murder)

• Anything or anyone I put first over God (idolatry)

• Cheating

• Complaining

• Controlling

• Coveting (to have discontent with God’s provision in your life)

• Character defects

• Critical

• Disordered eating

• Dishonesty, lying, unauthentic

• Divorce (biblical or otherwise)

• Jealousy

• Fear/Anxiety

• Gambling

• Gossiping

• Lust (You can lust for things other than sex.)

• Misleading others

• Neglect

• Occult practices

• Promiscuity

• Pride

• Rebelliousness

• Self-harm

• Self-righteousness

• Selfishness

• Sexual sin (broken out separately on the sexual assessment)

• Slandering

• Slothful (not just sitting on the couch, but neglecting the important areas of life)

• Stealing (from family, stores, the government, companies, church, friends)

• Quarrelsome

• Ungodly thoughts, actions, emotions

• Unfaithfulness (to God and others)

SHAME

• Dirty feeling

• Unclean

• Defiled

• Deep desire to hide

• Inability to connect

• Unworthy

• Alienated

• Damaged

• Unlovable

• Infected

• Weakness/Disabilities

Who Was Hurt? List those affected.

The Story: Specifically, what caused the shame or guilt? List the action you did or was done to you. Some will prefer writing narrative while others may prefer bullet points.

The Impact: Describe the impact of this guilt and shame on your life.

In Whose Eyes? Whose standards were violated?

• God

• Self

• Others

False guilt is when we feel guilt and have done nothing wrong in God’s eyes.

What Part of “Self” Was Hurt or Threatened?

Remember: A good desire becomes lust when we are willing to sin to get it.

• Social

o Self-esteem: Was I seeking love, value, worth, identity from others (lust) or was my sense of identity, worth, value, esteem threatened by others (fear)?

o Personal Relationships: Was I seeking belonging (lust) or was there a perceived threat to my personal relationships (fear)?

• Security

o Materially: Was I seeking material security (lust) or was there a perceived threat to my material security (fear)?

• Emotionally: Was I seeking emotional security (lust) or was this a perceived threat to my sense of emotional security or peace (fear)?

• Sexual: Was there a perceived threat to my sexual desires or sexuality (fear) or was I seeking sexual satisfaction (lust)?

• Ambitions: Did this threaten my future plans for what I was seeking in any one of these areas?

Here is an example of the Guilt and Shame Assessment form:

GUILT AND SHAME ASSESSMENT FORM

Who was hurt?

What do you feel guilt or shame about?

The Story What happened?

The

Impact

In Whose Eyes?

Whose standards were violated?

God Self Others

What Part of Self was Hurt or Threatened? (Circle all that apply.) Self Esteem

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Always open and close your time together in prayer. Be intentional about connecting organically and ask about their week, showing genuine interest in the details of his or her life.

LISTEN TO ASSESSMENT(S)

LISTEN FOR AND MAKE NOTE OF:

• Lies the participant seems to believe. For example: “I can never be forgiven for this” or “I can never be made clean.”

• Areas that need healing.

• Areas where the participant needs to take faithful action. This may include confession, amends or biblical confrontation.

• Sinful patterns in response to guilt and shame.

• Unmet longings and desires.

EXAMPLES OF SINFUL PATTERNS OF COPING WITH GUILT AND SHAME:

• Attempts to redeem self apart from Christ through work(s)

• Being a perfectionist

• Self-sabotage (to avoid trying and failing)

• Deflection

• Self-condemnation (an attempt to justify themselves)

• Condemnation of others (judgment of others in an attempt to remedy their own shame)

• Unwillingness to walk in transparency or trust others

Notes:

LIES/VOWS AREAS THAT NEED HEALING

SINFUL PATTERNS/CHARACTER DEFECTS FAITHFUL ACTION NEEDED

UNMET LONGINGS/DESIRES

PRAYER FOR GUILT AND SHAME (AS A RESULT OF OUR SIN)

Prior to praying, have your mentee read through, understand, and agree with each prayer, so they pray from the heart and not with empty words.

Heavenly Father,

Today I confess that my attempts to deal with my guilt and shame by covering with the works of my hands and hiding in darkness have failed. Today I come before Your throne and ask for Your forgiveness for (name the sin). I thank You that when I come naked before You, hiding nothing, and trust solely in the sufficiency of Christ, I receive the covering of Your grace. I pray in the name of Jesus Christ that, by Your power, You would heal the damage done in my life as a result of this situation, as well as any other lives affected, and lead me to faithful reconciliation in this situation.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

ELEMENTS OF THIS PRAYER:

• Confess any attempts to deal with guilt and shame apart from the cross of Christ

• Confess sin and ask for forgiveness

• Acknowledge receiving His grace and express gratitude for the sufficiency of Christ’s payment

• Pray for healing and restoration for those affected

• Ask what needs to be done to reconcile the situation

• Thank Him

PRAYER FOR SHAME (AS A RESULT OF ANOTHER’S SIN)

Prior to praying, have your mentee read through, understand, and agree with each prayer, so they pray from the heart and not with empty words.

Heavenly Father,

Today I confess that my attempts to deal with my shame by covering it with the works of my hands and hiding in darkness have failed. Because I now trust in the cleansing work of the cross of our Lord, Jesus Christ, I now step out of the darkness and into the light. Though (person’s name) may have (the cause), there is nothing that the resurrecting power of Jesus cannot overcome. Through the cross of Christ, I am made clean. I pray in the name of Jesus Christ that, by Your power, You would heal the damage done in my life as a result of this situation, as well as any other lives affected. In Jesus’ name, amen.

ELEMENTS OF THIS PRAYER:

• Acknowledge insufficiency in attempting to deal with shame apart from the cross of Christ

• Acknowledge that there is no sin that the resurrecting power of Christ cannot overcome

• Bring to light the specific sin by naming the person and what they did

• Acknowledge having been made clean

• Pray for healing for those affected

A REDEMPTIVE VIEW OF GUILT AND SHAME

Guilt can be both a state and/or a feeling that occurs when we have violated a law or moral standard. We can feel guilty and not be guilty (false guilt) or we may be guilty and not feel guilty. False guilt occurs when someone besides God is lord of our lives and their judgments matter more than His. Not feeling guilt when we are guilty is a sign of a hardened heart. Only the gospel can reconcile a heart of injustice. Life through the Spirit brings conviction when we operate outside of God’s intended design.

Shame is the intense feeling of being unclean, defiled and dirty. Closely related to guilt, it may result from the exposure of one’s own sin and depravity or from sin committed against one’s dignity. Shame is deeply rooted in identity (“I am worthless; I am dirty”). The gospel of Jesus Christ gives us a new identity and a covering for our shame. Even though we may sin or be sinned against, shame no longer rules our lives because our identity is found in Jesus Christ.

LIFE-GIVING TRUTHS

After praying through the Guilt and Shame Assessment you can use these truths to be encouraged in the battle.

Shame has to do with being defiled. This happens when there has been violation of God given dignity as image bearers or exposures of one’s depravity. The good news of the gospel is that when God adopted you into His family and kingdom, He gave you a new name. He gave you dignity of Christ by calling you His daughter or son. The cross of Christ forgives sinners and cleanses victims. We now have an eternal dignity bestowed upon us by the King.

WASHING IN THE WORD

HEBREWS 4:15-16

This scripture emphasizes the truth that we have been made clean and holy through Christ. We no longer have to let shame keep us from approaching God. He knew our dirtiness before we did and still decided to save us. Jesus has willingly taken all the punishment that we deserve so that we may approach our Father’s throne.

ROMANS 8:1

We are guilty when we sin. However, conviction of the Holy Spirit leads to repentance and life while condemnation leads to hiding and pretending. Because there is no condemnation in Christ, we can approach His throne of grace knowing He is merciful and forgiving.

Fear and Anxiety Meeting

#9 (Part 1)

ISAIAH 41:13

For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.”

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES FOR FEAR AND ANXIETY

• Isaiah 41:10

• Psalm 91:1-8-16

• Psalm 56:3-4

• Matthew 6:25-33

• Joshua 1:9

• Philippians 4:4-7

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

• What are some of the things you fear or get anxious about? Why?

FEAR AND ANXIETY

Fear is an emotional response to a perceived threat or danger.

FEAR AND ANXIETY ASSESSMENT INSTRUCTIONS

Participants will prayerfully consider if the fears below are part of their life, and can add to the list.

• Fear of God’s plan for my life

• Fear of man

• Fear of losing a loved one

• Fear of abandonment

• Fear of intimacy/relationships

• Fear of rejection/loneliness

• Fear of authority (parents, teachers,

• police, boss, etc.)

• Fear of unemployment, creditors,

• financial ruin

• Fear of sobriety/relapse

Who or What: List who or what you are afraid of.

The Story: What is the story behind this fear?

• Fear of being found out

• Fear of people different from me

• Fear of conflict/confrontation

• Fear of success/failure

• Fear of getting old/body image

• Fear of losing control

• Fear of illness/germs

• Fear of pain/death

• Fear of change

• Fear of the unknown/future

• Fear of not having enough

The Impact: Describe the effect of this fear on your life. How do you react to fear verbally, physically and emotionally?

Fear and Anxiety

Here is an example of the Fear Assessment form:

FEAR ASSESSMENT FORM

Who or What?

The Story What happened?

The Impact

Describe the impact of this (fruitful or unfruitful).

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Always open and close your time together in prayer. Be intentional about connecting organically and ask about their week, showing genuine interest in the details of his or her life.

LISTEN TO ASSESSMENT(S)

LISTEN FOR AND MAKE NOTE OF:

• Lies they seem to believe that are motivating fear.

• Sinful patterns in response to to fears. Evidence of idolatry, distrust, lust, and old wounds that may be motivating their fears.

• Areas that need healing.

• Areas where the participant needs to take faithful action. This may include confession, amends or biblical confrontation.

• Unmet longings and desires.

SINFUL PATTERNS OF COPING WITH FEAR:

• Fear occurs when, in our pride, we think that we know what is best for us and something begins to threaten that

• Fears reveal old wounds that we have not allowed the Lord to heal (“I am afraid of getting hurt again”)

• Fears reveal what we are trying to protect

• Fears reveal much about what we value

• Fears can reveal our idols in that we fear losing the things we lust for or covet

• Whatever you fear more than God will control and dominate you

• We tend to fear that which we believe holds the keys to what we want

• Greater fears drive out lesser fears

Fear and Anxiety

Notes:

LIES/VOWS AREAS THAT NEED HEALING

SINFUL PATTERNS/CHARACTER DEFECTS FAITHFUL ACTION NEEDED

UNMET LONGINGS/DESIRES

PRAYER FOR FEAR

Prior to praying, have your mentee read through, understand, and agree with each prayer, so they pray from the heart and not with empty words.

Heavenly Father,

Forgive me for walking in the fear of (name the fear). I pray that You would help me to trust You more. I acknowledge that when I fear, I can’t walk in love. I realize that self-preservation is at the root of my fears. In my pride, I attempt to control my world and fail to trust in Your ability to preserve my life. I forget that You are a good God and are fully in control. Therefore, today, I turn these fears over to You. I trust that You will meet all my needs as You promise, not always how I want. I trust that the ups and downs of life have purpose and that through it all, You, Lord, never change. Thank You that You are always with me! Where I have lived under the curse of fear, I pray You would allow me the blessing of faith that comes through grace.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

ELEMENTS OF THIS PRAYER:

• Ask for forgiveness

• Confess fear

• Ask for help in trusting Him

• Acknowledge your inability to walk in love when in fear

• Acknowledge root of fears

• Turn fears over to Him

• Place your trust in Him and His goodness

• Thank Him for always being with you

• Pray for blessings of faith where you have walked under the curse of fear

A REDEMPTIVE VIEW OF FEAR

Fear is an emotional response to a perceived threat or danger. Spiritually, healthy fear is the fear of the Lord. To fear the Lord is to worship Him alone and He is the source of all we need. Outside of the gospel, we live our lives out of a self-centered fear that seeks to meet our own perceived needs. As the Spirit reveals this foolishness, we come under the compassion and care of our loving Father. He knows best in providing, protecting and directing our lives according to His plan and purpose, for His glory and our good.

WASHING IN THE WORD

After praying through the assessment you can use these truths to be encouraged in battle.

1 Peter 3:6

The command not to fear doesn’t mean that there are not frightful things. God acknowledges the reality of frightening circumstances. However, we can trust that the love of God is more powerful than any danger we face.

Philippians 4:4-7

If we believe that God will give us everything we need, then what do we have to be afraid of?

1 John 4:7-21

The gospel of Jesus Christ removes the curse of sin and the wrath of God and allows us to approach His throne with confidence. Knowing His love for us frees us from self-protection and allows us to sacrificially lay our lives down for others to know His love. When we walk in fear, we cannot walk in love.

LIFE-GIVING TRUTHS

Our fears are often very revealing. We fear not having the things we lust for or covet. The things we lust for are idols. We are called to repent of idolatry. The things we lust for may not be bad in and of themselves, but we should hold them with an open hand, trusting that God will meet our needs according to His kingdom.

Pride is often at the root of our fears. Rather than allowing God to decide what is good for us, we say in our hearts, “This is what’s good for me.” Then when that perceived good thing is threatened, we become fearful.

God is sovereign. God is good. God is love, so His actions always display love. God loves His children. As God’s children, we know that our Father is mightier than any enemy. All others are small in comparison to Him.

“Fear not” is the most repeated command in the Bible. Not being afraid has little to do with the facts of your circumstances and everything to do with understanding the character of God. Though frightening circumstances are a reality, He is our loving, all-powerful Father who delights in caring for and protecting His children. He supplies all our needs and knows them before we ask. When we find ourselves in fear, we can instead put our thoughts on the faithfulness of God.

Grief and Loss

Meeting #9 (Part 2)

JOHN 16:33

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES FOR GRIEF AND LOSS

• Isaiah 53:3

• John 11:34-36

• Luke 19:41-42

• Matthew 5:4

• Revelation 21:4

• John 10:10-11

• 1 Peter 1:6-7

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

• What truths about God’s character and the reality of the kingdom help transcend the loss of earthly treasures, which are vapor (here and then gone)?

• In suffering do you tend toward detached optimism, stoicism, unceasing despair or biblical lament? Give examples.

GRIEF AND LOSS

Grief is the deep sorrow over the loss of someone or something we love. This includes people, relationships, safety, security, identity, possessions, affections and desires. Grief is a natural response to loss and is not sinful. Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus. We should grieve loss fully and in relationship with God. However, dealing with grief independent from God leaves us to cope rather than overcome, which leads to sinful patterns of dealing with loss.

Grief can be very painful and often comes with a myriad of emotions and difficult decisions. Everyone reacts to and handles suffering in different ways, but there are truths to remember and tools/expectations to help you navigate through this season. You are not alone. God is near. He will be very present to walk with you through this loss. Resist temptation to isolate. Don’t avoid the painful reality of your loss by turning to quick fixes instead of entrusting yourself to God. Don’t use biblical truths to avoid heartfelt cries to the Lord (“God uses all things for our good”). Do not neglect being a good steward of your body, mind and spirit.

GRIEF ASSESSMENT INSTRUCTIONS

Participants will prayerfully consider areas of unresolved grief. Feel free to add to the list.

• Death of a loved one

• Divorce

• Disability

• Infertility

• Illness/Injury

• Loss of relationship

• Loss of job

• Extended singleness

Who or What: Who or what have you lost?

• Loss of possession(s)

• Loss of identity (homosexuality,

• Mormonism, etc.)

• Loss of community

• Wayward child

• Difficulties in marriage

• Grief over own sin or consequences

The Story: There are many pieces and dimensions that you will miss about the person or thing you are mourning. For example, when you lose a spouse, you also lose a best friend, your favorite cook, your biggest fan, their laughter, the one you celebrate with, future dreams, etc. What will you miss most? Write out thoughts, desires, questions and complaints you have in regard to your pain.

The Impact: Describe the impact of this loss on your life. Where have you gone for help and hope? In what ways have you attempted to “fix” things, cope or self-protect?

What Temptations Have Come Out of My Suffering?

• Toward God

o Doubt: I have been tempted to doubt in God’s character as it’s revealed in scripture. (God is not good. If He were good, then I wouldn’t be hurting the way I am.)

o Anger: I have been tempted to blame God for what has happened. (If He is sovereign, then He could have prevented this suffering.)

• Toward Others

o Envy: I have been tempted to be envious and jealous of others who have not gone through the same suffering. (I envy those who have been blessed in the way that I want to be blessed.)

o Anger: I have been tempted to be angry with others. (I am angry when others let me down, say the wrong thing or forget about my pain.)

• Toward Myself

o Self-pity: I have been tempted to feel sorry for myself and have feelings of despair. (Everyone always abandons me. I must be unworthy. I’m hopeless.

o Isolation: I have been tempted to isolate myself instead of reach out to others. (I am all alone.)

o Guilt: I have been tempted to put blame on myself for something that was out of my control. (If I had been living a more selfless and obedient lifestyle, God would have given me children.)

Fear/Anxiety: In my pain and suffering, I have become fearful and anxious about various things in my life, such as finances, companionship, safety, etc.

Denial: I know there are things I need to think about and emotions I should feel to truly move toward healing, but I’d rather be numb and not think about it.

Here is an example of the Grief Assessment form:

GRIEF ASSESSMENT FORM

Who or What?

The Story What happened?

The Impact

What Temptations Have Come Out of My Suffering? (Circle all that apply)

Doubting God Anger at God

Envy of Others Anger at Others

Self- Pity Isolation Guilt

Fear/Anxiety Denial

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY,

LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Always open and close your time together in prayer. Be intentional about connecting organically and ask about their week, showing genuine interest in the details of his or her life.

LISTEN TO ASSESSMENT(S)

LISTEN FOR AND MAKE NOTE OF:

• Lies the participant seems to believe. Sinful patterns in response to grief.

• Ways the participant may have responded sinfully in their attempts to handle their grief and loss apart from the Lord.

• Areas that need healing.

• Areas where the participant needs to take faithful action. This may include confession, amends or biblical confrontation.

• Unmet longings and desires.

EXAMPLES OF SINFUL PATTERNS OF COPING WITH GRIEF:

• Repression of God-given emotions in order to protect oneself from pain

• Bitterness toward God and others

• Inability or unwillingness to enter the suffering

• Grief can become complicated when what we lost was idolized

• Instead of carrying our grief to God to receive His comfort, we have tried to comfort ourselves

• Seeking to replace what has been lost rather than grieve the loss

• Rather than lament, living in ungrounded optimism

• Rather than lament, living in unceasing despair (without hope)

Notes:

LIES/VOWS AREAS THAT NEED HEALING

SINFUL PATTERNS/CHARACTER DEFECTS FAITHFUL ACTION NEEDED

UNMET LONGINGS/DESIRES

PRAYER FOR GRIEF

Prior to praying, have your mentee read through, understand, and agree with each prayer, so they pray from the heart and not with empty words.

Father,

I thank You that You are a God who hears my cries and wipes away my tears. My heart is weary and often wants to give in to despair. Give me strength and grace to believe the truth of Your character and Your Word. Give me faith to trust that although difficult now, this momentary affliction is incomparable to the glory that will be revealed. Forgive me for the times I want my pain to disappear more than I want to draw near to You, even when I know You are the only one who can comfort me. I know You are the only one who can heal my broken heart and bind up my wounds. Jesus, I trust You with my heart and my life because I believe in Your great love for me. Will You meet me here and walk me through this process of healing as I begin to let (name the loss) go? Help me keep my eyes on You and Your eternal promises. (Pray and lament as you need to.)

In Jesus’ name, amen.

ELEMENTS OF THIS PRAYER

• Admit sorrow, hurt, grief and pain

• Thank Him for His presence

• Confess your tendency to seek comfort from the world rather than Him

• Acknowledge the Holy Spirit’s ability to bring comfort

• Trust Him with your broken heart

• Ask for healing

• Ask for help

A REDEMPTIVE VIEW OF GRIEF

Grief is a natural response to loss and is not sinful. When we grieve we can do so knowing that we stand in the loving arms of God the Father. Grief in this context is always hopeful because we know that God is making all things new. Grief outside of the gospel leaves us to cope through self-generated means and with false hope or no hope at all. Grief can become complicated when we idolize what we lost.

WASHING IN THE WORD

After praying through the assessment you can use these truths to be encouraged in battle.

Psalm 10:1; 22:1

Though resentment against God is a sin, there is a way to confess your feelings of anger and frustration to God in an honest and humble manner. Even the psalmists were honest with God about feelings of anger, frustration, confusion and abandonment.

Matthew 5:4; Psalm 34:18

God is always close to us in our suffering. He promises to heal and restore. We must grieve our loss and allow God to enter into and heal those wounds.

Joel 2:25

The Lord promises not only to heal but to restore what has been lost.

LIFE-GIVING TRUTHS

These verses illustrate the hope of the gospel amid our loss. We can confess and cry out to God in our suffering, and He comforts us and promises to restore all that has been lost. There is nothing earthly that we will be able to hold onto eternally, and there is nothing eternal that we can lose in Christ. It is secure. Dealing with loss through sinful ways always brings captivity, but God provides a way of dealing with loss that brings freedom.

R o ots

Uprooting and Repenting Meeting #10 (Covering Post-Assessment Work)

EZEKIEL 36:26-27

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. 27And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.

BEFORE YOU MEET

This week is meant to provide context to connect the ungodly “fruit” to their associated “roots” and establish a pattern of prayer in moving toward the freedom Christ came to bring.

REFLECT AND PRAY

As you consider your time with your mentee, what do you believe the Lord has been revealing? What areas need healing and deliverance? Are there significant patterns from which you believe the Lord wants to bring freedom? In what ways does the Lord want to bring blessing and abundant life? Are there vows that need to be broken in order to fully submit to the Lord? What lies do they believe?

o Review your listening notes from each assessment. These were the categories on the right side of the page.

o Look over the “redemptive views” for each assessment to remind you of the way the gospel of Jesus reclaims and restores.

o Spend some time in prayer asking God to show you where/how to speak into your mentee’s life. Ask the Lord to reveal specific areas where your mentee may not understand truth.

o Review the following from the Mentor Training materials:

o The central truths of the gospel (Appendices I & J)

o The Attributes of God (Appendix D)

o Our Identity – In Christ and Apart from Christ (Appendix E)

o God’s Promises to a Believer (Appendix F)

Tips:

• You may want to speak into areas where the Holy Spirit is revealing and convicting (John 16:8-11)

• Don't attempt to address too many areas.

• What Scriptures can you give them?

• Consider how aware/unaware they are of what you are pointing out. If unaware/blind, consider gracious ways to speak. (For example: parable, story, metaphor, Nathan's approach in 2 Samuel 12)

• Were there any parts of the prayers (during assessments) that your mentee was not resonating with? (For example: unwillingness to forgive, difficulty humbling self, unable to confess, not believing God can heal, etc.)

OUTLINE FOR MEETING

Start with an assessment topic (i.e. Suffering). You will be going back through each assessment your mentee has completed and helping them fill out the back side of each page/entry.

As we go back through each assessment, we will see the exact nature of our wrongs. We were rooting in an alternative kingdom, tempted by evil to satisfy our flesh through what the world offers rather than putting our trust in the kingdom of God.

30 min.

o With your mentee, fill out the “Exact Nature of my Wrongs” section on each assessment.

Repeat with each assessment in each category. (Suffering/Trauma, Anger/Resentments, Sexual Immorality, Guilt/Shame, Fear/Anxiety, Grief/Loss)

o Skipping the Suffering and Trauma assessment for now (so start with Anger), tally up the most frequently circled “What Part of Self was Hurt or Threatened” for all assessments. Draw out themes/patterns you are seeing as you’ve gone through these assessments with your mentee.

o Take the themes/patterns from above and read the sections of “Rooted in the Kingdom” to share how God’s love meets our needs and delivers security and hope this world could never offer.

30 min.

o Reveal the sinful responses your mentee has tended to have by identifying and renouncing “Character Defects.”

Go back through your Mentor notes from the grid at the end of each assessment where you’ve likely already jotted down “sinful patterns/character defects.”

1 hr.

o Renounce/Replant

o Pray

anger. Helping your mentee see what is beneath the surface of their resentments will help them to apply it to the other assessments.

JAMES 4:1-10

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. 3You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.

4You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 5Or do you suppose it is

to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? 6But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 7Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.

A thorough understanding of James 4:1-10 will give us the insight we need to see what is going on beneath the surface of ungodly fruit. James is addressing fighting and quarreling in the church. We often justify our unrighteous anger because of what someone else has done, however the problem is within us. He goes on to explain this fighting and quarreling is not primarily a horizontal problem between people but actually a vertical problem with God.

THE EXACT NATURE OF WRONGS

(These heart responses are also listed for your mentee on page 227 of their Participant Guide.)

Selfish/Self-centered

Does this stem purely from how this affected me (self-centered), or is it more out of a concern for the individual and their relationship with the Lord (God-centered)? Hint: What part of “self” was threatened or seeking satisfaction? Does this emanate from a selfish or servant heart?

Self-seeking

Am I more concerned with getting something I want or am I seeking to please God? Is it about not getting the esteem (respect, worth, love) I want, the relationships I want, the security I want, the pleasure or comfort I want or the future I want?

Frightened

Is this birthed out of unbelief/distrust (unhealthy fear) of God, leading me to attempt to meet my own needs, or is this birthed out of a faith working through love, leading us to obey God?

Dishonest

Dishonesty is rooted in lies. We can easily believe the lies of the enemy and become deceived. Am I believing the lie that these desires should be fulfilled by the world and sinful people, rather than the truth that they should be satisfied by our perfect, all-powerful, loving Creator?

Inconsiderate

Have I only considered myself, or have I really sought to understand the other person? Am I compassionate toward their story? Have I considered that they, too, are in need of God’s grace? Have I considered how God could use this for His kingdom purposes? INSIGHTS:

• Once you have gone through a few different categories in the list above, it probably served the purpose in helping your mentee see that they’ve had some negative or fleshly responses. There is no need to go through every one of these.

• If your mentee circled one of these on an assessment, they might as well circle them all. This is because together they describe the flesh (selfish, self-centered, selfseeking, frightened, dishonest, and inconsiderate). We respond out of our flesh or by the Spirit, evidenced by love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, fruitfulness and self-control.

The problem is that we have sought to have our desires met through the world and the people of the world. Satan is deceiving us to believe life is in the world rather than in Christ. We have committed spiritual adultery by looking to the world for what ultimately only God can provide. We have sought to have our desires for value, worth, identity, purpose, love, belonging, acceptance, security, stability, safety, peace, pleasure and hope from those on this list. When it failed, we got angry and resentful. God is jealous for our hearts.

REVIEW THE PART OF SELF THAT WAS THREATENED

Skipping the Suffering and Trauma assessment for now (so start with Anger), tally up the most frequently circled “What Part of Self was Hurt or Threatened” for all assessments. Draw out themes/patterns you are seeing as you’ve gone through these assessments with your mentee.

Self-Esteem Personal Relationships Material Security Emotional Security Sexual / Sexuality Ambitions

BEING ROOTED IN GOD’S KINGDOM

Next, look at how God meets our desires in His love through faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ. The things that are so easily threatened in this world are secure in a kingdom that will stand forever.

MATERIAL SECURITY

In reading Matthew 6:19-34, we realize that God is good, He is in control, and He knows what we need materially. However, He warns us not to lay up treasures on earth because they are easily threatened and do not last. Instead of worrying about those things, we should seek first His eternal kingdom and righteousness. He will provide for us according to His goodness and kingdom purposes, in His timing and in His way.

SELF-ESTEEM

God has given us a good desire for dignity, worth and value. However, because of sin, we have fallen to a state of depravity. Rather than encouraging self- esteem, we need to be redeemed. Attempts to find worth and value apart from the cross of Jesus Christ are temporary, but God’s plan for redeeming a people to Himself is eternal. His acceptance is not based in works and worthiness but on faith in the work of His worthy Son. Our worth comes from God.

PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

God created us to live relationally with Him and others. We have a God-given desire to belong. In our fallen state, we try to control and define our relationships. By faith we are never alone: Attempts to find worth and value apart from the cross of Jesus Christ are temporary, but God’s plan for redeeming a people for Himself is eternal.

EMOTIONAL SECURITY

In the perfect garden paradise of Eden before the Fall, there was shalom, or peace. We have a God-given desire for peace. Through faith in Jesus Christ, we are given peace with God. We rest behind the mighty fortress of Jesus, where no person or circumstance can rob us of our peace with Him. Even if the waves of despair and destruction come crashing in, the Lord is our refuge. We will not be moved because He cannot be shaken.

SEXUAL RELATIONS/SEXUALITY

There is a God-given desire for pleasure and intimacy, including sex. God is a God of pleasure and He gave us senses to enjoy His creation; however, we enjoy it within the boundaries He established. God created sex to be celebrated and enjoyed between a husband and wife within the covenant of marriage. Outside of that, it becomes destructive.

AMBITIONS

Ambitions come out of a God-given desire for hope. We tend to put our hope in things of the world. But God is our hope: He overcame the world, Satan, sin and death. We will be raised with Christ and never experience death again. God demonstrated this miraculous, resurrecting power in Christ on the cross. Our future is secure in Christ and we should place our hope in Him alone.

ASK:

1. Do you agree with this?

2. How do you see this playing out in your life?

3. Is this difficult to talk about or accept?

Healing comes as we turn from seeking satisfaction of these God-given desires through the world and our desires are satisfied in Him.

EXPOSE ROOTS

IDENTIFYING AND RENOUNCING CHARACTER DEFECTS

Character defects are dysfunctional or sinful patterns of relating to God, self and others that are often passed generationally and develop as sinners attempt to “cope” with living in a sinful world independent of God. They do not bear image to the character and nature of God.

Since the enemy is behind the whispers to seek preservation through self-generated means, we as God’s children come out of agreement with the enemy and in agreement with God by renouncing these sinful patterns of trusting self, and consequently distrusting God. It is important to be “entirely ready” for Him to remove “all” of these because God is after more than half-heartedness, partial obedience, and double-mindedness. He wants us to be fully submitted to His lordship for His glory and our good. Otherwise, we will give the enemy a foothold in our lives. Where Jesus is not Lord, and we will be under the enemy’s rule instead.

Ask your mentee to consider what it is that the Lord has been showing them in terms of sinful patterns of relating to God and others. You can use the list of character defects provided as an aid. Using the trees diagram, show them the roots of this ungodly fruit. (Consider only focusing on two or three of these.)

We want them to be entirely ready to have God remove all these character defects and not cling to them, withholding them from the Lord. Though they are dysfunctional, it is often familiar to operate in them and it is a step of faith to let go of them to trust the Lord

Character Defect Definitions:

(These are listed on page 230 in the Participant Guide as well.)

1. ABUSE – To treat wrongly or harmfully.

2. ADDICTION – The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or involved in something.

3. ADULTERY – Voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a partner other than the lawful spouse.

4. ANGER – Strong feeling of displeasure or hostility.

5. ANXIETY – A state of apprehension, uncertainty and fear resulting from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation, often impairing physical and psychological functioning.

6. AVOIDANT – A pattern of behavior that avoids difficulty, which could be intimacy, social settings and responsibility.

7. BIGOTRY – Hatred of people who are different from me in a clearly definable way, such as race, gender, or political affiliation.

8. BUSYNESS/OVER-SCHEDULING – Planning too many activities so that I do not have time to think about my life.

9. CO-DEPENDENCY – Depending on people to fulfill my desires.

10. CONDEMNATION – Strong displeasure or judgment.

11. COVETING – Having a desire for another’s possessions, power, wealth or relationships.

12. CRITICAL – Judging, blaming, finding fault with someone or something.

13. DEATH/SUICIDE – Enticement to take one’s own life or fantasizing about death.

14. DEFEATED – Believing there is no hope of victory.

15. DEFENSIVE – Not open to being challenged/questioned/criticized, self-protective.

16. DISASSOCIATION – Self-protective strategy of detaching from pain and at times reality, even self.

17. DECEITFUL – Lying, cheating or stealing; not upright in my dealings with people.

18. DENIAL – Self-protecting strategy behavior that keeps us from honestly facing the truth, leading to a false system of beliefs.

19. FEAR – A feeling which occurs in the face of something threatening.

20. GLUTTONY – Excess in any area, particularly in eating or drinking.

21. GOSSIPING – Idle talk, not always true, about other people and their affairs.

22. GRANDIOSE – Having or showing too great an opinion of my own importance.

23. GREED – Wanting more than my fair share or what I need.

24. DEPRESSION – The condition of being without hope.

25. DETACHMENT – To remove from association (from self, others, emotions, etc.)

26. DOUBT – To be undecided or skeptical.

27. ENABLEMENT – Allowing someone to continue in disobedience without consequence.

28. ENTITLEMENT – Deserving of rights or benefits.

29. GUILT – Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong.

30. HATE – A feeling of intense anger or bitterness, extreme dislike toward someone; a feeling of intense ill will toward another.

31. HOARDING – Saving money or things in excess; storing up more than could reasonably be used.

32. IMPATIENCE – Annoyance because of delay or opposition.

33. ENVY – Wishing to have something someone else has, disliking someone who has more than I do.

34. IMPULSIVITY – A problem with emotional or behavioral self-control.

35. INDECISION – Lacking the ability to make decisions in a timely manner.

36. IRRESPONSIBLE – Characteristically careless with responsibility.

37. INTOLERANCE – Unwilling to allow others to have opinions or beliefs that are different from mine.

38. JEALOUSY – Dislike or fear of rivals; anxious or suspicious watchfulness.

39. HYPER-VIGILANCE – Excessive pre-occupation with assessing potential threats around you.

40. LAZINESS – Dislike of work; unwillingness to work or be active.

41. LEGALISM – Strict adherence to rules of conduct without regard to the principles behind them; dependence on my behavior for my sense of self-worth.

42. LICENTIOUS – Lacking moral discipline or ignoring legal restraint.

43. LUST – Strong desire; unhealthy appetite especially in the area of sexual indulgences.

44. LYING – Not telling the truth, exaggerating, boasting.

45. MANIA – An excessively elevated sense of enthusiasm, interest or desire, a craze.

46. MINIMIZING – Making excuses for or making less of my behavior to make myself and others think I am not “that bad.”

47. OBSESSION – Consuming focus on a particular thought, action or person which you have difficulty escaping.

48. OPPRESSION – The act of subjugating by cruelty, force, etc. or the state of being subjugated in this way.

49. PEOPLE PLEASING – Doing activities based upon the positive reactions of people around me; making myself feel better by getting the approval of someone else.

50. PERFECTIONISM – Working to arrange my life so that everything and everyone in it is faultless according to my standards.

51. PESSIMISM – Always thinking on the bad side of a situation; refusing to see good in anything that happens; not looking at things from God’s point of view.

52. PETTINESS – Focusing on the small, meaningless things in my life; giving those things more importance than they deserve.

53. PHONINESS – Deceiving; being insincere, not being genuine; also includes emotional phoniness.

54. PRIDE – Too high opinion of myself; high opinion of my own worth or possessions.

55. PROCRASTINATION – Putting off something I should have done sooner to avoid unpleasant or undesirable consequences.

56. QUARRELSOME – Too quick to find fault; fond of fighting and disputing.

57. RACISM – Prejudice, discrimination or antagonism against people on the basis of their racial or ethnic group.

58. RESENTMENT – Unresolved anger; ill will; bitterness.

59. SARCASM – A sneering or cutting remark; act of making fun of someone; harsh or bitter irony.

60. SELF-PITY – To feel sorry for myself, to live in regret of my past actions; continually reviewing my miseries, often blaming others for my troubles.

61. SELF-CENTEREDNESS – Being overly concerned with my own welfare or interests, having little or no concern for others, what I want is the most important thing.

62. SELFISHNESS – Caring too much for myself and too little for those around me.

63. SHAME – A painful emotion caused by a strong sense of uncleanness, embarrassment, unworthiness or disgrace.

64. SUICIDAL IDEATION – Obsession with ending one’s own life as a means of rescue.

65. UNDISCIPLINED – Untrained; lack of order, lack of self control; disobedient, impulsive.

66. UNGROUNDED OPTIMISM – Elevated reality detached from actual difficulties.

67. VULGARITY – Immoral speech, actions or thinking about things that are unhealthy or immoral; making a practice of dwelling on these thoughts for pleasure or comfort.

RENOUNCE, REPLANT, AND PRAY

We humbly ask Him to remove all of our shortcomings. Following the pattern of prayer Jesus taught (Matthew 6:7-13), we ask that His name would be glorified. We offer ourselves to Him and pray that He would provide what we need for His kingdom purposes.

This is not the type of prayer outlined in James 4:3-4, which is motivated by self-oriented desires, but is instead focused on praying for God’s Kingdom to come and His will to be done. It is under His covering that we ask for provision, protection, and direction. We pray for His leading and that He would deliver us daily

In terms of things to bring before the Lord, we are not looking for a comprehensive list as we all struggle at some level with most of these. We are looking, however, for those that the Lord seems to be pressing on. What needs to be healed? Where does the Lord want to bring freedom? What lies need to be renounced? What truth needs to be believed? What vows need to be broken? Pray and ask what the Lord wants to do.

This is a time to come before the Lord, lay our lives at His feet and ask that He bring freedom, healing and blessing. We can bring all that has been unearthed through the assessment process before the Lord and ask Him to do what only He can do. This is not a magic bullet, but an ongoing practice that helps form us as disciples of Christ. It may seem like a mountain too big to overcome, but we have His promise to rely on.

MARK 11:23-24

“Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done

for him. 24Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

This time of prayer should be for mental, emotional, spiritual, relational and even physical healing. Your participant should share what God revealed through the assessment in terms of significant patterns of sinful behavior, thoughts and attitudes. They should include generational patterns of sin and specific areas where they desire deliverance from bondage and healing from past wounds. This will be summarized in their preparation for prayer.

RENOUNCE:

The numbered questions in bold in the following section should have been answered by your mentee during their homework/Mentor Prep time in their Participant Guide on pages 234 and following.

Sinful Patterns (a k a character defects and shortcomings)

1. What unfruitful patterns of coping or character defects have surfaced during the assessments? List the ones you believe the Lord has been calling your attention to.

2. Do you desire freedom from these patterns? Are you ready to renounce or come out of agreement with them and ask God to remove them?

Lies

Lies from the enemy feed these unfruitful coping strategies. Often the focus of these lies is on self rather than on Him. For example: “I am unlovable” instead of “God is love.”

1. What specific lies are you in agreement with when operating in these dysfunctional patterns? List the lies.

2. Do you desire freedom from these lies? Are you ready to renounce these lies and come out of agreement with them?

Examples of lies and their corresponding truths: Lie Truth

• If I hadn’t desired love, then I wouldn’t have been abused.

• I need to look out for myself because no one else is going to.

• Nobody wants me because I am messed up and unlovable.

Vows

• Evil took advantage of what is precious in God’s sight. It is not my fault. The desire to be loved is a good, God-given desire that He wants to satisfy. It is normal for people to ask why when they suffer (John 9:1-2). See John 9:3 for Jesus’ answer.

• God is a refuge. Only God can protect and defend me. Ultimately, living a life of self-protection, I create a greater mess.

• The Creator of the universe chose me before the foundations of the earth. He loves and cherishes me.

Vows often are focused on what I am going to do or not do (rooted in self). Often they are about self protection (ex. “I will never...”). We must renounce these vows and look to Christ for strength to follow God’s voice into whatever good plans He has for us.

1. What vows have you made that may be hindering you from following God’s voice? Are you willing to renounce the self-generated vows and look to Christ instead?

Examples:

o I will never let anyone close to me so I won’t get hurt.

o I will never allow myself to be put in a shameful situation again.

o I will not desire anything. I will just be “neutral” and without opinions.

I will never I must always

If I ever then

2. Are you willing to renounce these self-generated vows and look to Christ instead?

Examples of vows and their corresponding truths:

Vow Truth

• I will never let anyone close to me so I won’t get hurt.

• I will never allow myself to be put in a shameful situation again.

• I will not desire anything. I will just be “neutral” and without opinions.

• I can trust God to protect me. His love frees me to love others, even if I get hurt.

• “Those who look to the Lord are radiant and their faces will never be put to shame” (Psalm 34:5)

• “A hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life” (Proverbs 13:12). The Lord gives good gifts, and we can trust Him with our desires. We lack no good thing in Him (Psalm 34).

Examples of Lies, Truths and Character Defects – by Assessment Category: Abuse and Suffering

LIE: “I am not valuable… I have to do something to earn God’s love… If God really knew me he wouldn’t love me.”

TRUTH: God showed his children in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). I have been chosen by God (Ephesians 1:4), He loved me at my darkest, and I don’t have/can’t do anything to earn His love. God’s love is not conditional, His acceptance is not based on human works and worthiness but on faith in the works of His worthy Son. My worth comes from God and God alone.

CHARACTER DEFECTS: legalism → dependence on our own behavior for our sense of selfworth and value [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]; people-pleasing → making myself feel better by getting the approval of someone else [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]

Anger and Resentment

LIE: “If God hadn’t allowed me to be born into the family I was born into, things would be okay now… I don’t understand how that plan can be good, why would he want me to suffer? If my mom and dad had loved me better, I wouldn’t struggle so much now.”

TRUTH: God is good, perfect, just, and holy. He has an eternal perspective that I cannot see or understand. He knows the unjust suffering that has happened in my life and he will be stand as a righteous Judge and King over those who have offended me. I must acknowledge that I am a sinner just as the person who has offended me as a sinner. I have been extended grace by the Lord and I have the ability to now extend supernatural grace to others (Romans 2:1-5). Help me to remember that the Lord’s plans for me are to bless me and not harm me, to give me hope and a future.

CHARACTER DEFECTS: self-justification → clearing myself from blame for my actions and attitudes [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]; self-pity → continually reviewing my miseries, often blaming others for my troubles [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]

Sexual Immorality

LIE: “If I have sex with someone, then maybe I will be worth their time and attention, maybe they won’t leave me, I will have security in my relationship with them, it will mean they really love me”

TRUTH: We can never find our dignity, worth, or value apart from Christ. While God gives us a desire to belong and be in relationship with other people, these relationships will never satisfy us. God has adopted us into his family and nothing can ever separate us from His love (Romans 8:35-39).

CHARACTER DEFECTS: perfectionism → working to arrange my life so that everything and everyone in it (including myself) is faultless, according to my standards [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]; people-pleasing → making myself feel better through the approval of someone else [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]

Guilt and Shame

LIE: “I have messed up so much, particularly in the area of sexual sin, that I have to make up for it now… I can’t mess up again… I have to earn God’s love and approval.”

CHARACTER DEFECTS: legalism → dependence on our own behavior for our sense of selfworth and value [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]; perfectionism → working to arrange my life so that everything and everyone in it (including myself) is faultless, according to my standards [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]

Fear

LIE: “I have to be in control so that I don’t get hurt again… I can’t trust people not to hurt me because it has happened so many times...”

TRUTH: In our pride, we often think that we know what is best for us and when what we think is best for us is threatened, we become fearful and controlling. We tend to doubt God’s sovereignty and His goodness in our lives. We must come into agreement with the truth that God is good, God is love, God loves his children, God is all-powerful and delights in protecting and caring for His children (Romans 8:28). We also have a God-give desire for peace and security but when we attempt to control and manipulate our circumstances and relationships, fear reigns in our hearts (1 John 4:7-21). We must rest in the character of God, knowing that no person or circumstance can rob us of our peace with Him.

CHARACTER DEFECTS: lack of trust/self-preservation → not being able to trust, not being able to depend on someone or something, doubt, lack in belief in God’s goodness [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]

Grief

LIE: “I am afraid to love someone too much again, losing people is too painful, I don’t want to experience loss in that way again.”

TRUTH: I don’t have to protect myself from loving others. I can be fully known and fully loved by the Lord and rest in the truth that no loss or suffering can rob me of my peace with Him.

CHARACTER DEFECTS: detachment → removing yourself from relationships with others [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]; denial → self-protecting behavior that keeps me from honestly facing the truth and pain of life on this side of eternity [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]

REPLANT IN TRUTH:

As we think about what we are replanting, we realize that we are dead to sin and alive as a new creation. (2 Corinthians 5:17) The old is gone, and the new has come! What we are “replanting,” then, is the new heart that God has given us (Ezekiel 36:26). Help your mentee discover what the truth is that will combat the lies and vows that they have shared with you. (See above charts for examples.)

PRAY:

This is a time to come before the Lord, lay our lives at His feet and ask that He bring freedom, healing and blessing. As Jesus’ model prayer teaches us, we must first pray for the furtherance of God’s name, for His kingdom to come and for His will to be done which means that we are laying down our name, our kingdom and our will to His (Matt. 6:9-13).

To be prayed by the Participant:

Heavenly Father, I now see how I have lived in agreement with the ways of the world and for my kingdom, my name and my will. I now renounce those ways and offer myself completely to You to be utilized for Your kingdom plan and purposes. Give us this day what we need to accomplish Your kingdom purposes. Provide protection from any interference from the enemy, his servants, works and effects during our time of prayer. You are greater than he who is in the world.

God, please forgive me for believing the lie ______. I renounce that lie and come into agreement with the truth that ______. (repeat for each lie and truth)

Loving Father, in my distress, I have vowed to/to never ______ (list all vows if more than one). In doing so, I have alienated myself from You and sought to keep myself from harm. In doing so, I have placed myself under the devil’s authority and given him a foothold. I now break that vow by Christ’s authority and come to You as my protector. I trust You will give me the grace to overcome all that the enemy brings.

Loving Father, please forgive me for the self-generated patterns of coping and seeking to satisfy my desires through the world rather than through your Kingdom. I renounce the pattern of (list each character defect) in Jesus’ name.

Elements of this prayer:

• Desire to come under God’s authority

• Asking for provision, protection and direction

• Renouncing specific lies and breaking specific vows

• Renouncing specific patterns

To be prayed by the Mentor:

The participant should understand the prayer and be praying in agreement as he or she is prayed over. This time of prayer is to engage the spiritual battle at the level of personal entanglement and not beyond that. (We are praying for this person not for other people, nor for the situation/circumstance/environment.)

Heavenly Father, for Your name’s sake and according to your love and mercy, we ask that you would deliver (participant’s name) from any demonic influence that is tempting him/her to (character defect/practice) so that he/she may freely serve You and Your kingdom. Lord, we ask You to fill those places previously occupied by the enemy with the Holy Spirit and bless them in the name of Jesus Christ.

Elements of this prayer:

• Acknowledge by what power and authority we come by

• Request deliverance from specific strongholds

• Ask for freedom so he/she can live a fruitful life for the Kingdom

• Pray for the Holy Spirit to fill and bless this person

ADDITIONAL REMINDER

Mentors are invited and strongly encouraged to attend the next on campus Thrive meeting. You will be incorporated into the small group time, as well as have a change to sit with your mentee in large group for a special worship service. Participants will be invited to place their burdens onto a cross, symbolically representing the price God paid for the relationship He wants to have with us, as well as His ability to carry the things we can’t.

Please confirm the date, time, and location with your mentee and save the date to attend.

PLANNING FOR PARTICIPATING IN GROUP

Be sure that you make some small notes on the prayers you just went through with your mentee. There will be a significant portion of the group time where you pray out loud in their Small Group summarizing these things

If you are not able to make it to the campus for group time this week, please coordinate with your mentee’s Small Group Leader so that they can be prepared to step in for you during this prayer time

T he New Heart

Meeting #11 (Covering Week 10 Homework)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES

• Day 1: James 4:1-10

• Day 2: Ephesians 6:10-20

• Day 3: Romans 11:33-12:8

• Day 4: Matthew 6:9-13; 7:7-11

• Day 5: Matthew 8:1-10:1

• Day 6: Luke 18:18-30

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

(This is from the previous week-9, since last week was a special worship night.)

▶ LARGE GROUP TEACHING: “GETTING TO THE ROOTS”

• What good God-given desires have you elevated and sought to satisfy through the world? What results have you seen (fruit)?

• From tonight’s teaching on desires (specifically the things we under-desire), can you identify with the concept of shutting off good, God-given desires (in an attempt to self-protect) because you’ve been severely hurt? If so, what are the desires?

• How does God fulfill both these specific desires? Do you believe that God’s plans for your life are better than your plans?

• Looking back at the chart on page 3 of the lesson outline, give an example of how a felt need in your life has led to an entitlement and expectation

• Share a time when you were tempted to believe a lie of the enemy. How has God provided for you in that temptation? (see 1 Cor. 10:13)

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Ask if they had any questions from this week’s homework. Ask if there was anything meaningful that stood out in their time in God’s Word.

Discuss following questions, which are from their “Day Seven” homework. Take notes as needed (this is a time to listen).

MENTOR DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. Internal ruling desires lead to fights and quarrels. What desires tend to rule your heart and trigger unrighteous anger?

2. How do you usually deal with this conflict?

3. How we use bodies is a reflection of what we worship. If someone wants to observe your daily routine and corresponding practices, what would they conclude you worship or serve?

4. We tend to worship/fear that which we believe has what our hearts desire. What desires are you trying to satisfy and where are you seeking to satisfy them?

5. Where do you tend to seek value, worth and significance?

6. We all have an innate desire to belong and be included in something bigger than ourselves (community). Historically where have you fought to belong? What was required of you to belong?

7. We tend to form community around shared values, interests and loves. What bonds the community in which you feel most connected? What is attractive about those relationships?

8. To what degree has seeking to meet your own material needs motivated your work?

9. In the story of the rich young ruler we see that his wealth hindered his obedience to follow Christ. What hinders your obedience to Christ?

10. When we withhold lordship (authority) from Christ in any area of our lives, whom do we give that lordship to by default? Who then do we serve?

11. Jesus taught us how to pray. In your own words, how did Jesus teach us to pray?

REVIEW TRUTH FROM THE PAST WEEK:

In attempting to live independent of God, we have developed dysfunctional (sinful) patterns of coping. After careful examination, we have begun to see the demonic roots of our slavery to these sinful patterns. We desire freedom. We renounce our former ways, offer ourselves to God, and, under the waterfall of His grace, ask Him to deliver and heal us by the authority of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit. We also pray for blessing and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit to live life according to His kingdom purposes.

SPEAK, LEAD, REMIND & PRAY

As the participant is transparent and bares their soul, it is important for you to cover them with gospel hope through prayer as you conclude.

Before concluding your meeting, be sure you both make note of the time and place you will meet next.

Notes:

Loving Others WEEKS

11-15

Forgi ving Meeting #12 (Covering Week 11 Homework)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES

• Day 1: Matthew 18:1-20

• Day 2: Matthew 18:21-35

• Day 3: Luke 17:1-10

• Day 4: 2 Samuel 11-12

• Day 5: Jonah 1-4

• Day 6: Ephesians 4:1-16

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP ▶ LARGE GROUP TEACHING:

“FORGIVING

OTHERS”

• In what ways do your current relationships with other Christians reflect Christ’s vision for His people? In what ways do they fall short?

• What fears, concerns or challenges do you see that might hinder confronting and forgiving? Is this a wisdom issue or a willingness issue?

• Are there specific situations that are sensitive and needing counsel?

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Ask if they had any questions from this week’s homework. Ask if there was anything meaningful that stood out in their time in God’s Word.

Discuss following questions, which are from their “Day Seven” homework. Take notes as needed (this is a time to listen).

MENTOR DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. As people confess sin to us and ask for forgiveness, we should be eager to extend it. Our willingness to forgive is evidence that Christ's forgiveness has transformed our own hearts and that it is our desire that they be reconciled to God. Prayerfully consider and list those whom you might have difficulty forgiving and why.

2. Are there brothers or sisters in Christ who may have sinned against you and continue to walk in significant, unrepentant sin? If so, develop a plan with your mentor to be an agent of reconciliation.

3. Now that bitterness, fear and shame no longer rule you, are there those outside the body who may have hurt you and need to be offered peace with God through the blood of Christ?

4. Where are you stuck? Prepare to discuss with your group anyone with whom you are unwilling to make amends, forgive, confront or share the gospel. Why are you unwilling?

5. Are there any fears you have in making amends, forgiving, confronting someone's sin or sharing the hope of the gospel? Why are you afraid? How does God speak to our fear?

6. Are there any relationships that you believe are beyond repair? Why? Spend time in prayer, specifically for those situations.

7. Are there any other questions or issues you are facing?

REVIEW TRUTH FROM THE PAST WEEK:

As ambassadors of Christ, we are to be instruments of grace when we confront those who sin against us. We hand offenses over to God and extend eager forgiveness to those who ask for it. In this way, fellowship with God and amongst His people is preserved.

SPEAK, LEAD, REMIND & PRAY

As the participant is transparent and bares their soul, it is important for you to cover them with gospel hope through prayer as you conclude.

Before concluding your meeting, be sure you both make note of the time and place you will meet next.

Notes:

Reconciliati on Meeting #13 (Covering Week 12 Homework)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES

• Day 1: Ezekiel 14:1-8

• Day 2: 2 Corinthians 5:11-21

• Day 3: 1 Corinthians 13

• Day 4: Ephesians 5:1-14

• Day 5: Matthew 5:23-26; Numbers 5:5-7; Luke 15:18-19

• Day 6: Philemon 1-25

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

▶ LARGE GROUP TEACHING: “CONFESSION AND AMENDS”

• Was apologizing or pursuing reconciliation a part of your family of origin? How so/not?

• Have you ever received an amends or apology that was healing? If so, what was kind or helpful to you about the way they did it? Leaders: We are only looking for positive examples here.

• What fears, concerns or challenges do you see that might hinder making amends? Is this a wisdom issue or a willingness issue?

• What self-oriented motivations for amends do you need to lay on the altar in order to please Christ as you pursue reconciliation with others?

BEFORE YOU MEET

o Be sure to listen to the additional Mentor equipping audio recording regarding wisdom in pursuing reconciliation. The following content will make more sense after your listen.

o Review the following content that your mentee has also read and should be prepared to ask you about this week. (Also found on pages 397-399 of the Thrive Participant Guide.)

WILLINGNESS AND WISDOM

We need to be willing to make amends but use wisdom in making them. For example, it might not be wise to make direct amends in dangerous situations. It might not be wise to look up every person you have ever had a sexual experience with and invite them to coffee. It might not be wise to meet with a married person of the opposite sex without their spouse. You might use wisdom and sensitivity in the words you choose and consider your audience in acknowledging your wrongs. It might not be wise to confess sinful thoughts or attitudes to someone who is unaware that you thought of them in that way. It might not be wise to force an amends before a person is willing to receive it. Remember, we are led by the Holy Spirit.

He will impress on you who to approach, when to approach and may even bring some unexpected opportunities to make peace.

The exception: “except when to do so would injure them or others” is often used as a cover up for unwillingness. For example, we should not use this as an excuse to not confess adultery, claiming it would hurt the other party too much. Confession allows true healing to occur rather than covering up the sin that disrupts fellowship. As long as secrets abide, we cannot have true fellowship. In not confessing adultery, a marriage is based in deceit. In confessing situations which include sexual sin, please spare the other person the specific details of sexual sin as that may make healing unnecessarily difficult.

TYPES OF RECONCILIATION:

Relational

In rebellion to God’s created order we have lived for ourselves and in doing so have used people for our selfish desires. Now reconciled to God, we desire to make amends for harm done through our selfish ambitions.

Legal

At times this self-seeking has led us not only to rebel against God, but to break laws intended to uphold and safeguard our society. At times this may mean making amends and possibly restitution for harm done.

Professional

We may not have been faithful to the responsibilities entrusted to us professionally.

Financial

There may be monetary compensation required to make things right with another party.

Religious/spiritual

We may need to confess and ask for forgiveness for misleading someone spiritually.

Living

A person may not be willing to hear from us, in which case we must demonstrate the gospel’s altering effects in our lives by living faithfully and responsibly.

TEMPLATE FOR RECONCILIATION:

Peacemaker Ministries suggests the “7 A’s of Confession,” which we altered slightly:

1. Address those affected

2. Avoid excusing your wrongs or being overly dramatic in an attempt to invoke pity

3. Admit specific attitudes and actions

4. Acknowledge the hurt and express regret for harm caused

5. Accept the consequences and be willing to make restitution

6. Accompanied by altered attitudes and actions

7. Ask for forgiveness

Example: “I am grateful that God has granted me this opportunity to speak with you today. Thank you for taking the time to meet with me today. God has been doing amazing things in my heart. He has both provided me hope and also exposed the depths of my sin. In light of this, I deeply regret how my sinful attitudes and actions have affected you. I am here to ask for your forgiveness. (Explain how you wronged this person.) I regret the harm I have caused you. I know I can’t heal the wounds I have caused, but I serve a God who can. Will you forgive me? What can I do to make it right?”

Often times we already know what we need to do to make it right. If we owe someone money, we may be prepared to pay them with interest. Sometimes we are not in a position to make full restitution at that point but can give something and make arrangements for future payments. For those of us who have used religion, the Bible or God as a cover up, it is wise to acknowledge that up front.

Caution: We can only go as far as God allows us. If making it right is contrary to the will of God in your life, you may not sin against Him to make amends to someone.

ADDITIONAL REMINDER

The next Large Group on campus will be the Celebration night, where participants are encouraged to invite their community (family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, and you) to attend and hear stories of transformation. Please confirm with them and save the date to attend if you can.

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Ask if they had any questions from this week’s homework. Ask if there was anything meaningful that stood out in their time in God’s Word.

Discuss following questions, which are from their “Day Seven” homework. Take notes as needed (this is a time to listen).

MENTOR DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. How does fear prevent you from loving others like Christ? Give specific examples from your own life (confronting difficult situations, evangelism, etc.)

2. Have you ever used your knowledge and intellect as a source of pride to beat people down rather than build them up? Give examples.

3. Describe times when your own idolatry has distorted your judgment in acting according to God’s will.

4. In Matthew 5:23, the Lord teaches the importance of being reconciled prior to bringing our gifts before the altar. Describe situations in which you offended someone with whom you need to be reconciled.

5. Are there people or institutions who you are unwilling to confess to and make restitution? Be specific.

REVIEW ADDITIONAL WORK

PURSUING RECONCILIATION/AMENDS:

o Review the list on page 399 in your mentee’s Participant Guide. This list should be of people that your mentee has identified whom they need to pursue reconciliation with. In other words, this is a list of people the mentee has wronged in some way. (This is NOT a list of people who have offended the mentee, although there may be overlapping names in both of these areas.)

o Pray with your mentee over the list of names, and over your mentee’s heart as they seek to honor the Lord when pursuing obedient and faithful action here.

o With your mentee, identify one name from the list where you believe it would be wise and obedient to pursue reconciliation.

If there are many names with similar importance, consider starting with the person who is closest in daily proximity to the mentee (unless there is a wise reason not to!)

o Have the mentee write out their amends. A template and an example is found in their Participant Guide (as well as on the prior page of this Mentor guide).

It is important that they write out and plan their amends and allow you to review and help them along the way. Attempting to reconcile without the proper heart motivation and language can make things much worse!

o Process with your mentee before giving them the green light to pursue making an amends with this person.

PURSUING LOVING CONFRONTATION:

o Review list on page 401 which may contain names of people your mentee is feeling urged to confront about their sin.

o Go back through the above checklist, doing similar mentoring for any content on this list

REVIEW TRUTH FROM THE PAST WEEK:

Relationships break down because of sin. If there were no sin in the world, relationships would work harmoniously, evidenced by love and unity. Division among God’s people provides opportunities to identify sin and purify the body. The gospel of Jesus Christ brings about justice in a way that the law cannot by inwardly reconciling the very heart of injustice to God.

As those forgiven by God, we can humbly approach those affected by our sin and make amends. This change of heart brings glory to God by demonstrating the power of the gospel and reflecting His heart in bringing justice through His reconciled people.

CELEBRATION

Make sure to coordinate together regarding the Thrive Celebration event that will take place at the next on-campus gathering. Mentors, friends, family, coworkers, etc. are all able to be invited by the participants. The Celebration is a time where participants will share about the positive changes that God has done in their hearts and the effect that has had on their lives. This is a powerful opportunity to share the joy of the Lord with others who do now know or walk with Him!

o Work with your mentee to develop a list of people they should invite

o Help your mentee process through their answers to the following prompts They will have a limited opportunity to participate, and we encourage everyone to be prepared to share at least one thing.

1. The most significant thing God showed me about Himself was …

2. One relationship in my life that God changed during Thrive is …

3. I’m celebrating freedom from …

4. I’m thankful to God for Thrive because …

5. God used my Thrive Group Leader or Mentor to show me …

THRIVE CELEBRATION PROMPTS FOR LEADERS

God’s not only been moving in the heart of your mentee. After you meet, take some time to reflect on the below prompts on your own Come to the Celebration prepared to share

1. What has God done in your life through your time as a leader in Thrive?

2. I saw my participant(s) trust God with …

3. God used my Thrive participant to show me …

SPEAK, LEAD, REMIND & PRAY

As the participant is transparent and bares their soul, it is important for you to cover them with gospel hope through prayer as you conclude.

AFTER-CARE & NEXT STEPS

o Work with your mentee’s group leader to develop an after-care plan and to identify next steps.

o Leader: We will be sending out a post-Thrive survey and would love to hear about your experience. Be on the lookout!

Notes:

J o y f u l L i v i n g

Meeting #14 (Covering Post-Thrive Action Plan)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES

• Day 1: Ezekiel 14:1-8

• Day 2: 2 Corinthians 5:11-21

• Day 3: 1 Corinthians 13

• Day 4: Ephesians 5:1-14

• Day 5: Matthew 5:23-26; Numbers 5:5-7; Luke 15:18-19

• Day 6: Philemon 1-25

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

LARGE GROUP TEACHING: “CONFESSION AND AMENDS”

• Was apologizing or pursuing reconciliation a part of your family of origin? How so/not?

• Have you ever received an amends or apology that was healing? If so, what was kind or helpful to you about the way they did it? Leaders: We are only looking for positive examples here.

• What fears, concerns or challenges do you see that might hinder making amends? Is this a wisdom issue or a willingness issue?

• What self-oriented motivations for amends do you need to lay on the altar in order to please Christ as you pursue reconciliation with others?

PURPOSE OF THIS MENTORING MEETING

To wrap up your time together, or, to plan one to two additional meetings where you can continue your mentoring relationship in a similar structure that is based on Bible study and application. (Please see ahead to the 2 “bonus” weeks in the following section.)

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

TALK THROUGH THE POST-THRIVE ACTION PLAN

The following is found on pp. 410-412 of the Thrive Participant Guide. Here is a condensed version:

1. To choose a topic for your action plan, go back and review your Assessments. Look at the “Gospel Pursuits” sections of each and choose something from what’s listed.

Examples:

o Anger and Resentment (People, Institutions, Spiritual principles)

o Sexual Immorality (Pornography)

o Guilt & Shame (Self-righteousness, Critical, Unlovable)

o Fear (Of rejections/loneliness, of the unknown/the future, of conflict/confrontation)

o Grief (Loss of a relationship, death of a loved one)

2. What setting or place is especially difficult for you when it comes to this struggle? (Choose real life situations.)

Examples:

o When I am alone

o Meeting with my supervisor at work

o Scrolling through social media

o Visiting family

3. What triggers might set you off? Triggers can be physical (not being able to sleep at night, being hungry) mental (thinking about things from your past, rehearsing something you did/said in your mind), or emotional (I felt lonely, depressed, or exhausted).

4. What people or things might be taking God’s place in your heart? (Refer to the “What Part of Self Was Threatened” in the each of the assessment sections)

Examples:

o Self-esteem – the desire for love, worth, and value

o Personal relationship – the desire to belong and have meaningful relationships

o Material security – the desire to feel materially secure or gain material wealth

o Emotional security – the desire or drive for peace of mind and emotional security

o Sexual relations/sexuality – sexual desires

o Ambition – future plans and hopes in any of the previous areas

5. What lies from the enemy continue to have an influence on you? (Refer back to the “Getting to the Roots” section you already completed.)

6. What actions keep you responding to your (sin, suffering, specific struggle) in a way that impacts your life negatively?

For Example:

o Rehearsing the details of conversations from a specific situation in my mind (bitterness)

o Not monitoring my inner thought life

o Not having internet restrictions on my computer and/or phone

o Avoiding being vulnerable with others

o Choosing to sweep my feelings under the rug

7. What actions keep you close to the Lord?

Choose from the following list and/or add your own ideas below.

o Ongoing confession (review individual prayer prompts from assessments if

needed)

- Being completely honest

- Talking out loud to a safe person

- Telling the full background story in detail

- Revealing thoughts, desires, and emotions

- Taking enough time to process and pray

- Reaching out during the time of need

- Turning away from sin

o Morning and evening devotions

o Scripture meditation or memorization

o Spending time with my close friends

o Practicing rhythms of Sabbath

o Serving the needs of others

o Attending my small group

These actions are your action plan. Work with your Mentor to hold you accountable to taking a further step now that the structure of Thrive is no longer a part of your daily/weekly spiritual commitment.

Ask your Mentor and members of your Thrive small group to pray for you in areas of temptation that you’ve identified above.

BONUS

MEETINGS?

This is a good time to decide, based on the above action plan, if you should schedule one or two more mentoring meetings with your mentee.

Decide on a schedule for these meetings. They do not have to be in consecutive weeks. Since these meetings are not attached to any other group meeting or ongoing programming (Thrive campus gathering are now over), you can schedule this however you like!

1 4 Be a Di s c i pl e

1 5. Mak e Di s c i pl e s

SPEAK, LEAD, REMIND & PRAY

As the participant is transparent and bares their soul, it is important for you to cover them with gospel hope through prayer as you conclude.

B o n u s M a t e r i a l

2 OPTIONAL WEEKS

OF BIBLE STUDY AND MENTORING

Be a Disciple BONUS

| Meeting #15 (Covering Week 14 Work)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES

• Day 1: Hebrews 12:1-17

• Day 2: James 1:2-18

• Day 3: Philippians 3:2-21

• Day 4: 1 Corinthians 9:24-27; Matthew 6:1-18

• Day 5: Psalm 63; Ephesians 5:15-21

• Day 6: Luke 8:4-15

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Ask if they had any questions from this week’s homework. Ask if there was anything meaningful that stood out in their time in God’s Word.

Discuss following questions, which are from their “Day Seven” homework. Take notes as needed (this is a time to listen).

MENTOR DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. What sin or weight do you need to lay aside in order to run the race well?

2. What trials are you currently facing in your life? What ways are you tempted to shortcut God's purposes of sanctification while under trial?

3. What fruit would you expect in your life when you are walking by the Spirit? How does this express itself in your life with the people and circumstances you encounter (family, coworkers, children, prayer life, etc.)?

4. What practices will need to remain in your life after this study is over to maintain spiritual health and continued growth?

5. With which ground (from Luke 8:5-8) do you most identify? Do you typically disregard God's call to obedience, do you become discouraged, are you distracted or does it shape you?

6. If you were to utilize all that Christ has entrusted to you for His Kingdom purposes, what would change?

7. When you are thirsting in the wilderness, where does your soul turn for satisfaction? What does this reveal about your heart? Does this lead to fruitfulness in difficulty?

8. On what do you tend to obsess, fantasize, meditate or dwell? Be specific. What is the result (fear, lust, anger, anxiety, depression, worship, praise, joy, etc.)?

9. What stirs your affections for Christ?

10. Being undisciplined leads to laziness or apathy. How are you disciplined in daily engaging spiritual disciplines? If you are undisciplined, why?

11. What does a disciplined life look like specifically for you?

12. What is your goal and motivation in living a disciplined life?

13. Are there things you need to say no to in order to say yes to the Lord? How does keeping Him first in your heart affect how you relate to your spouse, work, family, friends, food, sex, etc.?

ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS

These are questions that would have been a part of the Small Group time, but are now available in this bonus week for you to consider with your mentee. (The have not yet had access to these in their prep material/Participant Guide )

▶ TEACHING VIDEO: “THE JOY OF MAKING MUCH OF HIS NAME”

If you would like to watch the associated teaching video, here is a link to that content:

1. We pursue the things we love. If someone examined your pursuits and practices, what would they conclude is your biggest treasure?

2. How would your life look different if Jesus was your greatest treasure and becoming like Him was your greatest goal?

3. Maintaining healthy rhythms takes intentionality. Thrive has provided both the structure and accountability to practice the basic principles of spiritual formation that help us to grow spiritually. How do you intend to continue the practice of these principles?

REVIEW TRUTH FROM THE PAST WEEK:

We continue in the fear of the Lord, putting to death those things that rob our affections for Christ while persevering in loving, joyful obedience to Him. When we are out of step with the Spirit, we quickly return to the Lord with a heart of repentance as He trains us in godliness and grows us spiritually. Since He is our ultimate joy, peace and pleasure, we seek to know Him and fill ourselves with those things that stir our affections for Him. We practice spiritual disciplines so that our hearts, prone to wander, might stay in rhythm with His.

SPEAK, LEAD, REMIND & PRAY

As the participant is transparent and bares their soul, it is important for you to cover them with gospel hope through prayer as you conclude. Before concluding your meeting, be sure you both make note of the time and place you will meet next.

Make Disciples

BONUS | Meeting #16 (Covering Week 15 Work)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES

• Day 1: Matthew 28:16-20; Genesis 12:1-3

• Day 2: Luke 24:36-53; Acts 1:1-12

• Day 3: Ephesians 1:3-14

• Day 4: 1 Corinthians 12:4-31; Matthew 25:14-30

• Day 5: Acts 5:12-42

• Day 6: Matthew 20:1-20

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Ask if they had any questions from this week’s homework. Ask if there was anything meaningful that stood out in their time in God’s Word.

Discuss following questions, which are from their “Day Seven” homework. Take notes as needed (this is a time to listen).

MENTOR DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. How has God blessed you so that you might be a blessing to others?

2. How has God gifted you – both naturally and supernaturally – with spiritual gifts from the Holy Spirit? How will you use those gifts to serve and build up the body of Christ? Be specific.

3. How will you use the testimony of God's grace in your life to persuade others toward Christ?

4. Where has God placed you to serve? How do you think others would describe your heart in serving?

5. God has called us to make disciples. How will you take what you have learned through this discipleship process to make disciples for Christ?

6. Acts 17 tells us that God places us at the exact time and place where He wants us. How are you living missionally within your community?

7. How will you continue to practice all that you have learned through this process? Who will keep you accountable?

8. With what attitude will you engage/re-engage the world around you? How might pride hinder your effectiveness?

9. The book of Joshua recounts the Lord's powerful deliverance of the Israelites into the Promised Land. As they step out in faith, He holds back the raging waters of the Jordan River so they might cross to safety. The Israelites are then instructed to pick up stones from the riverbed to remind them of the Lord's faithfulness. As you have stepped out in faith and walked through this process, how has God demonstrated His faithfulness?

ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS

These are questions that would have been a part of the Small Group time, but are now available in this bonus week for you to consider with your mentee (The have not yet had access to these in their prep material/Participant Guide.)

1. Maintaining healthy rhythms is essential to maintaining spiritual health. A healthy disciple serves. Gospel ingestion without gospel expression will lead to unfruitfulness.

2. We pursue the things we love. If someone examined your pursuits and practices, what would they conclude is your biggest treasure?

3. How would your life look different if Jesus was your greatest treasure and becoming like Him was your greatest goal? Try to be specific.

4. Maintaining healthy rhythms takes intentionality. Thrive has provided both the structure and accountability to practice the basic principles of spiritual formation that help us to grow spiritually. How do you intend to continue the practice of these principles once Thrive is over?

REVIEW TRUTH:

Before the foundations of the earth, God chose us, the Church, to live as instruments of His grace to a lost and dying world, bearing witness to His wisdom and power through the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is our joy-filled worship to make much of His name. Empowered by the Holy Spirit, we bring a comprehensive gospel demonstrated by our deeds and proclaimed by our words with the goal of glorifying God through making disciples for Jesus Christ. In this way, we embody Christ, being His hands and feet here on earth.

A p p e n d i c e s

& GLOSSARY

Glossary of Theological Terms

Mostly in order of when introduced or explained:

Term Definition

Introduced Phase GREAT COMMISSION, THE

The instructions Jesus gave to His followers after He rose from the dead and before He returned to heaven. In Matthew 28:18-20, Jesus tells His disciples to go into the world, help others become His followers (called “disciples”), baptize them, and teach them to obey everything He taught. This mission wasn’t just for those first disciples it’s a calling for all Christians today. The Great Commission reminds us that Jesus has all authority and that He promises to be with us as we share His message with others.

BAPTISM

RECONCILED / RECONCILIATION

A public act to show that a person has decided to follow Jesus. They are briefly fully submerged in water as a symbol of being washed clean from sin and starting a new life with God. Baptism doesn’t save a person, but it shows others that the person trusts in Jesus and wants to live for Him. In the Bible, Jesus was baptized, and He told His followers to baptize others who believe in Him (see Matthew 28:19; Romans 6:3-4).

With God: To be “reconciled” means that a broken relationship has been made right again. In the Bible, reconciliation describes how the relationship between God and people damaged because of sin is restored. This restoration begins with God. He took the first step by sending Jesus as a perfect sacrifice to die in our place so that we could be forgiven and brought back into relationship with our loving Father (see Romans 5:10-11; 2 Corinthians 5:18-19). When someone responds to God’s offer by trusting in Jesus, the reconciliation is complete they are no longer separated from God but are part of His family. Because of this, Christians are also called to pursue peace and restored relationships with others.

Between People: When two people are reconciled, it means their relationship once hurt or broken has been made right again. This usually involves one or both people being willing to forgive, to admit wrong,

SIN

JUSTIFICATION

and to work toward restoring trust. In the Bible, reconciliation between people reflects God’s heart: just as He took the first step to make things right with us through Jesus, we’re called to take steps toward peace with others (see Matthew 5:23–24; Colossians 3:13). Reconciliation doesn’t always mean the relationship goes back to exactly how it was, but it does mean choosing to forgive, pursue peace, and honor God in how we relate to one another.

Sin is anything we think, say, or do that goes against God’s perfect character, commands, or design. It includes breaking God’s laws, but also failing to do what is right. Sin separates people from God because He is holy and cannot ignore evil. All people have sinned (Romans 3:23), and the result of sin is spiritual death and brokenness in our relationship with God and others.

Justification means God declares a person right with Him because of what Jesus has done not because of anything we’ve earned. When someone trusts in Jesus, God forgives their sin and sees them as righteous. It happens instantly and is a free gift, received by faith (see Romans 5:1; Ephesians 2:8–9). Because of justification, we are fully accepted by God and no longer under His judgment.

Day 1

Days 1-2

JUSTICE

PROPHECY

JUDGEMENT

Justice is God’s perfect way of always doing what is right and fair. It means that God treats everyone according to what they deserve rewarding good and punishing wrong. Because God is holy and just, sin must be punished.

Prophecy is when God, through His Spirit, speaks to His people by using someone to deliver His message. Often, this message includes warnings, calls to repentance, encouragement, or revealing what God plans to do in the future. The Bible shows many prophets, like Isaiah and Jeremiah, who spoke God’s words so people would know His will (see 2 Peter 1:20-21, Amos 3:7).

Judgment is when God, who is perfectly holy and just, decides the final outcome for every person based on their words and actions (Hebrews 9:27). Because all people have sinned, everyone will one day stand

Day 2

Day 3

Day 5

CONDEMNED / CONDEMNATION

before God’s judgment (Romans 14:10-12). Those who have trusted in Jesus will be declared righteous and receive eternal life, but those who reject Him will face punishment for their sins (John 5:22-29).

To be condemned means to be declared guilty and punished for sin. The Bible teaches that all people deserve condemnation because of their sins (Romans 3:23, Romans 6:23). Condemnation is God’s righteous judgment against sin.

GOSPEL

REDEMPTION / REDEEMED

Historical: Long before it was used in the Bible to describe Jesus’ message, it referred generally to any announcement of “good news” or “glad tidings.” such as the news of a king’s victory, a birth, or a peace treaty in ancient times. This word carried the idea of royal or imperial good news that people were called to receive and respond to.

Gospel of Jesus Christ: The gospel is the good news about Jesus Christ. It tells us that because of our sins, we are separated from God (Romans 3:23). But God loves us so much that He sent His Son, Jesus, to live a perfect life, die on the cross for our sins, and rise again (1 Corinthians 15:3-4). Through faith in Jesus, we can be forgiven, made right with God, and have eternal life (John 3:16, Ephesians 2:8-9).

Redemption means being rescued or bought back from sin and its consequences by the price Jesus paid. Because we were slaves to sin and death, Jesus “redeemed” us by His death on the cross, paying the full price to set us free (Ephesians 1:7, Colossians 1:13-14). When we are redeemed, we belong to God, forgiven and restored to a right relationship with Him.

Day 7

Large Group Teaching

REPENTANCE / REPENT

Repentance means to sincerely turn away from sin and turn toward God. It’s a change of heart and mind that leads to a change in actions. The Bible calls us to repent because our sins separate us from God (Acts 3:19, Luke 13:3). When we repent, we admit our wrong, thank God for His forgiveness, and choose to orient our attention to Him instead.

Unrepentant: To refuse to turn away from sin and reject God’s call to change. The Bible warns that those who remain unrepentant will face God’s judgment (Romans 2:5-8, Hebrews 10:26-27).

Large Group Teaching

SUBMISSION

WORSHIP

OBEDIENCE

Willingly placing yourself under the authority, leadership, or care of another, out of respect and trust. In the Bible, submission is about surrendering to God. This extends to His design for order in relationships like in the church, the family, or government (Ephesians 5:21-24, Romans 13:1). True submission is not about weakness, but about standing strong in trust for God and choosing to follow Him by respecting those He has placed in leadership.

Our response to who God is and what He has done. It is a heart orientation that gives God the honor, love, and praise He deserves with our words, our actions, and our affections (Romans 12:1, John 4:23-24).

Worship can include singing, praying, learning from God’s Word, serving others, or simply living in a way that shows God is first in our lives. True worship comes from knowing God and wanting to glorify Him.

Doing what God says, out of love and trust for Him. It’s not about trying to earn His approval, but about responding to His grace with a willing heart. Jesus said that if we love Him, we will obey His commands (John 14:15). Obedience shows that we believe God’s ways are best and that we want to follow Him in every part of life (James 1:22, 1 John 2:3-6).

Day 1

GRATITUDE

Day 1

SALVATION

A thankful heart toward God for who He is and all He has done. In the Bible, we are called to give thanks in every situation because God is always good and faithful (1 Thessalonians 5:18, Psalm 107:1). Gratitude is not just saying “thank you,” but living in a way that shows we remember and appreciate God's grace, mercy, and daily provision. The opposite is grumbling or forgetting what God has done (Philippians 2:14, Deuteronomy 8:11).

God rescuing us from sin and its eternal punishment, and giving us everlasting life through Jesus (Ephesians 2:8-9). It comes by grace, through faith not by our own efforts. The opposite is remaining lost in sin and separated from God forever (Romans 6:23, John 3:36).

Day 1

FAITH

RIGHTEOUS / UNRIGHTEOUS

Faith means trusting God believing in who He is, what He says, and what He’s done through Jesus even though we can’t see or touch Him like we do the physical world (Hebrews 11:1). Faith isn’t based on feelings or visible proof, but on confidence in God’s Word and His character. It’s depending on Him, not ourselves, to save us and lead us (Hebrews 11:1, Ephesians 2:8). The opposite of faith is relying only on what we can see, feel, or control, instead of trusting God with our lives (2 Corinthians 5:7).

To be righteous means to be right in God’s eyes living according to His ways and being in right standing with Him. On our own, no one is righteous because we all make mistakes (Romans 3:10). But God freely gives us the righteousness of Jesus, His Son, when we trust in Him (2 Corinthians 5:21).

To be unrighteous means living apart from God’s ways, continuing in sin, rejecting the free gift of Jesus, and standing guilty before a perfect God (1 Corinthians 6:9).

HOLY

WISDOM

FORBEARANCE

To be holy means to be set apart by God as pure and different from sin. God is perfectly holy completely good and without any sin (1 Peter 1:15-16). When we follow Jesus, God calls us to live holy lives, turning away from sin and reflecting His goodness. The opposite of holy is sinful and unclean (Isaiah 6:3, Romans 6:19).

Wisdom is knowing and doing what is right according to God’s Word. It means understanding life from God’s perspective and making choices that please Him (Proverbs 2:6, James 1:5). True wisdom comes only from God and leads us to live in a way that honors Him. Worldly wisdom on the other hand, is not real wisdom and is based on human knowledge or ideas that are independent of God, often leading to pride and wrong choices (1 Corinthians 3:19, James 3:13-17). The opposite of God’s wisdom is foolishness ignoring God’s guidance and making harmful choices (Proverbs 1:7, Romans 1:22).

Patiently enduring wrongs or suffering without giving up or getting angry. It is God’s kindness in holding back punishment and giving people time to repent

Day 1

Day 2

Day 4

COVENANT

(Romans 2:4, Psalm 86:15). We are called to show forbearance to others by forgiving and being patient, just as God is patient with us. The opposite is impatience or harshness toward others (Ephesians 4:2, Colossians 3:13).

In ancient cultures, covenants were like extending a family bond joining two parties in a permanent relationship, often described as lasting “until death.” This alliance meant both families would protect and defend each other as if they were blood relatives. Covenants included agreed-upon behaviors so that those joined would treat each other like brothers. In the Bible, a covenant is a solemn promise between God and His people. God promises to bless and care for them, and they agree to obey Him. In the Old Testament, God made covenants with Noah (promising never to flood the earth again), Abraham (promising to bless his descendants), and Moses (giving the Law to guide His people). These covenants pointed forward to the New Covenant through Jesus, who perfectly fulfilled God’s promises by offering forgiveness and new life to all who believe (Jeremiah 31:31-34; Hebrews 8:6-13).

Day 6

ADOPTION

SANCTIFICATION

Adoption is God’s special way of making us His children. In the Bible’s ancient context, being adopted as a son meant receiving full rights as an heir someone who would inherit everything the father owned and carry on the family name (Romans 8:15, Galatians 4:4-7). This shows God’s view of both men and women as equal heirs in His Kingdom. When we trust in Jesus, God welcomes us into His family with all these rights and blessings. Adoption means we are no longer slaves to sin, but part of God’s forever family, fully accepted and loved.

The process by which God makes us holy, changing us to be more and more like Jesus in how we think, live, and love (1 Thessalonians 4:3, Romans 8:29). It begins when we trust Jesus and continues throughout our whole earthly life as the Holy Spirit helps us grow. The opposite is living in sin without change or growth (1 Corinthians 6:11).

Day 7

Week 4

Large Group Teaching

GLORIFIED

CONVERSION

To be made perfect and like Jesus forever. It happens when believers receive new, eternal bodies and live with God forever in heaven (Romans 8:30, 1 Corinthians 15:42-44). Being glorified is the final step after salvation and sanctification.

The moment and process when a person turns from sin and turns to God by trusting in Jesus. It involves a change of heart and mind, a decision to follow Christ, and beginning a new life with God (Acts 3:19, 2 Corinthians 5:17). Conversion is the start of our relationship with God and the beginning of spiritual growth.

Large Group Teaching

COSMIC / SPIRITUAL REALM

SOVEREIGNTY

The metaphysical, unseen world where God, angels, and spiritual forces exist and influence our lives (Ephesians 6:12). Other physical with things that we can see like family, friends, culture, geography, and civilization are all encompassed within this spiritual realm. Understanding this helps us see that not all struggles come just from our environment or ourselves, but also from spiritual battles beyond what we can see. It also helps us see God’s sovereignty (or rule) is over all of these things.

Sovereignty means God is in complete control over everything in the universe. Nothing happens outside of His power or plan, and He rules with wisdom and goodness (Psalm 115:3, Isaiah 46:9-10). This means God is never surprised or powerless. The opposite is chaos or chance, where things happen without order or purpose.

Large Group Teaching

Large Group Teaching Week 5

PETITION

RESTITUTION

When we ask God to help us or meet our needs. It’s a form of prayer where we bring our requests to God, trusting that He hears us and cares about what we need (Philippians 4:6, 1 Peter 5:7). Petition shows our dependence on God and our faith in His goodness. (Other forms of prayer include praise, thanksgiving, lament, and intercession.)

Restitution means doing what you can to make things right after causing harm, such as returning what was stolen or repairing damage (Exodus 22:1, Luke 19:8). It flows from genuine repentance and shows a heart that wants to honor God and take responsibility. But the Bible also shows that sometimes full restitution

Large Group Teaching Week 9

isn’t possible, and in those cases, we trust God's grace to cover what we cannot fix (Psalm 51:16-17, Romans 12:18).

Appen dix A

Thrive for Recovery

Appendix A

THRIVE FOR RECOVERY

Here are some additional points to consider when applying what you’re hearing about Thrive to the pathway of recovery.

We are all in recovery.

Here are some additional points to consider when applying what you’re hearing about Thrive to the pathway of recovery.

We are all in recovery.

Gospel ministry is directed toward anyone seeking help in overcoming the otherwise enslaving interplay of sin and suffering. Thrive is for anyone pursuing redemption from this sin and suffering.

Another word for this journey of ups and downs on the road of life is sanctifcation

Another word for this journey of ups and downs on the road of life is sanctification. If you were to chart out anyone’s spiritual journey, you might find a chart that looks something like the below example. We are overall moving up and to the right, but we face stumbling blocks, plateaus, and victories along life’s journey. While not smooth, these opportunities can lead us to worship God in our responses.

If you were to chart out anyone’s spiritual journey, you might fnd a chart that looks something like the below example. We are overall moving up and to the right, but we face stumbling blocks, plateaus, and victories along life’s journey. While not smooth, these opportunities can lead us to worship God in our responses.

SANCTIFICATION

Lifetime Read Romans 6!

Recovery cannot be reduced to a program.

God’s redeeming work is not confined to a program. To reduce God’s deliverance to a program is sectarian and borders on cultish. This sort of thinking leads people to fear leaving programs. There are those who are being delivered from the bondage of sin in Christ and those who remain in their sin. So we are either enslaved or in Christ. In Christ, we can go anywhere He calls us! We graduate from programs into faithful service.

Recovery cannot be reduced to a program. God’s redeeming work is not confned to a program. To reduce God’s deliverance to a program is sectarian and borders on cultish. This sort of thinking leads people to fear leaving programs. There are those who are being delivered from the bondage of sin in Christ and those who remain in their sin. So we are either enslaved or in Christ. In Christ, we can go anywhere He calls us! We graduate from programs into faithful service.

Sobriety is a by- product.

Sobriety is a by-product.

Sobriety is not the goal, but a by-product. Reconciliation with God is the goal. Only the gospel can reconcile us to God. As our hearts are reconciled to His, it changes how we relate to everything.

436

1

STEP 1: We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.

REDEEMED TRUTH FROM STEP 1: Man, in relationship to his Creator, has fallen from a place of dignity, humility and dependence to a state of depravity, pride and rebellion. This has led to unfathomable suffering. Any attempts on our own to redeem ourselves are futile, only increasing the problem of independence and self-sufficiency. Any perceived success leads only to empty vanity. Apart from Christ, we admitted we are powerless to overcome sin (ours and others) and our attempts to control it only increase our chaos.

2

STEP 2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

REDEEMED TRUTH FROM STEP 2: God lovingly intervened into our chaos and provided a remedy for the insanity of sin and the way back into fellowship with Him. We believe that by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, we can be redeemed.

3

STEP 3: We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as you understand him.

REDEEMED TRUTH FROM STEP 3: Through the Holy Spirit’s illumination of our desperate and helpless condition before God and the hope that comes through the gospel of Jesus Christ, we step out in faith and repent as an act of worship and obedience, surrendering our will and entrusting our lives to Christ’s care and control. We are reborn spiritually and rescued from the domain of darkness and brought into the kingdom of light, where we now live as a part of Christ’s ever advancing kingdom.

4

STEP 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

REDEEMED TRUTH FROM STEP 4: As children of God, armed with the Holy Spirit and standing firm in the gospel, we engage in the spiritual battle over the reign and rule of our hearts. God set us apart for holiness, and we look to put to death the areas of our lives that keep us from reflecting Jesus Christ to a dark and dying world. We first examine the fruit in our lives (or moral symptoms). As we move through the assessment process, we will uncover the roots (pride and idolatry) of any ungodly fruit that drive our ungodly thoughts, actions and emotions.

5

STEP 5: We admitted before God, ourselves and another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs.

REDEEMED TRUTH FROM STEP 5: Under the covering of God’s grace, we step out in faith, leaving behind our old, self-protective ways of covering sin and hiding from God. We prayerfully come into the light, confessing our sins before God and to one another so that we may be healed.

6

STEP 6: We are entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

REDEEMED TRUTH FROM STEPS 6: In attempting to live independent of God, we have developed dysfunctional (sinful) patterns of coping. After careful examination, we have begun to see the demonic roots of our slavery to these sinful patterns. We desire freedom.

7

STEP 7: We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

REDEEMED TRUTH FROM STEPS 7: We renounce our former ways, offer ourselves to God and, under the waterfall of His grace, ask Him to deliver and heal us by the authority of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit. We also pray for blessing and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit to live life according to His kingdom purposes.

8-9

STEP 8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

STEP 9: We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

REDEEMED TRUTH FROM STEPS 8 & 9: Relationships break down because of sin. If there were no sin in the world, relationships would work harmoniously, evidenced by love and unity. Division among God’s people provides opportunities to identify sin and purify the body. The gospel of Jesus Christ brings about justice in a way that the law cannot by inwardly reconciling the very heart of injustice to God. As those forgiven by God, we can humbly approach those affected by our sin and make amends. This change of heart brings glory to God by demonstrating the power of the gospel and reflecting His heart in bringing justice through His reconciled people.

ADDITIONAL TRUTH FROM STEPS 8 & 9: As ambassadors of Christ, we are to be instruments of grace when we confront those who sin against us. We hand offenses over to God and extend eager forgiveness to those who ask for it. In this way fellowship, with God and amongst His people, is preserved.

STEP 10: We continued to take personal assessment and, when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

REDEEMED TRUTH FROM STEP 10: We continue in the fear of the Lord, putting to death those things that rob our affections for Christ while persevering in loving, joyful obedience to Him. When we are out of step with the Spirit, we quickly return to the Lord with a heart of repentance as He trains us in godliness and grows us spiritually.

11

STEP 11: We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for the knowledge of His will and the power to carry that out.

REDEEMED TRUTH FROM STEP 11: Since He is our ultimate joy, peace and pleasure, we seek to know Him and fill ourselves with those things that stir our affections for Him. We practice spiritual disciplines so that our hearts, prone to wander, might stay in rhythm with His

12

STEP 12: Having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

REDEEMED TRUTH FROM STEPS 12: Before the foundations of the earth, God chose us, the church, to live as instruments of His grace to a lost and dying world, bearing witness to His wisdom and power through the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is our joy-filled worship to make much of His name. Empowered by the Holy Spirit, we bring a comprehensive gospel demonstrated by our deeds and proclaimed by our words with the goal of glorifying God through making disciples for Jesus Christ. In this way, we embody Christ, being His hands and feet here on earth.

Appendi x B

Concept

of God

INSTRUCTIONS:

• Read the following statements and write down your initial thoughts.

• We are looking for true feelings about God, not the theologically correct answers.

• Your first thought is probably your most honest response.

PROMPTS:

1. When I think about God, I feel

2. Sometimes I wish God would

3. What frustrates me most about God is

4. Sometimes I get angry with God when

5. The one thing I would change in my relationship with God is

6. The one thing I would change about myself to please God is

7. The secret thought about God that I struggle with is

8. The one question about God that I would like to have answered is

9. One person who reminds me of God is

10. The one thing I have the most trouble trusting God with is

11. I would like to tell everyone that God is

12. When I think about God’s commands, I

13. One thing I’m afraid God will do is

14. In my relationship with God, I’m always sure that He will

15. The one thing I depend on God for is

Appendix C Insanity Cycle

SEEING THE INSANITY FOR

SPIRITUAL ILLNESS

need to change the way I feel. I’m edgy. Something’s off. I need something. I’m discouraged, walking in the flesh, grumbling, complaining, offended, etc. What is yours? Irritability, restlessness, discontentment, anxiety, sadness, grief, no peace?

DESIRE FOR RELIEF – With a bent towards solving my own problems (heart of self-reliance), I run to creation for ease and comfort instead of the Creator. As the famous hymn “Come Thou Fount” says, my heart is “prone to wander,” to be led away toward sin. I don’t want to feel this way. (Who likes feeling this way?) Where are you seeking relief apart from the Lord? These may include “respectable” things such as exercise, rest, food, etc.)

TEMPTATION – I compare, seeing others enjoying themselves or able to do the things I can’t do. I think [this] will take the edge off – things will be better when I ____. The “forbidden fruit” (Genesis 2:17) is alluring and shiny. I am convinced this is the remedy (I’m seeking a dopamine rush.) What is tempting you?

THINK / OBSESS – Planning, plotting toward the desired relief that is to come. I might start obsessing about a fix for my restlessness and discontentedness. What are some indicators you are dwelling or obsessing?

ACTION – Making or cancelling plans. Making mental excuses to be alone with my sin. This could include getting in the car, going to the store or opening the internet browser, making a purchase, etc. I am sinfully finding relief in creation apart from the Creator. AA would call this “the first drink.” What do you do to get the relief you’re after?

SPREE – An all-out effort and indulgence – temporarily forgetting everything else. It’s the next high, hit, purchase, game, risk, etc. It’s short-lived, even though it may sound like it will last a long time. What does it look like when you indulge fully in your sin? What does “all the way” look like for you in this area? (Where does it take you? Where do you end up?)

INJURIES (PAIN) – Consequences for me and others (i.e. emotional health, loss of self-control, self-esteem; personal relationships, family; physical health, bodily harm, treatment center intervention; legal, jail time, permanent record impact; financial; professional, loss of job or independence in transportation, etc.) Ultimately, unrepentant, unconfessed sin blocks me from a relationship with my Savior (spiritual death), robbing us of the life that God intended. What type of consequences result? (For me and others.)

REMORSE – This often show up as feelings of guilt, shame and humiliation. We are either stuck in worldly sorrow or turn toward godly repentance. In what ways do you experience sorrow? Do you want God or your comfort back?

RESOLUTIONS – Making promises and deals. Saying “I will never do this again.” Making vows to God, self and others. These are made in your own strength, not the Lord’s. What promises are you making about what you will do (or not do) next time?

INTERRUPTING THE INSANITY

1. What lies am I believing?

2. Where can I find the truth?

3. How does Satan bait my hook when I am restless, irritable or discontent?

4. When I am not turning to God, where do I turn to cope with life?

5. It’s logical to start at 12 o’clock (i.e. “Spiritual Illness”), but God can enter into your cycle of sinful insanity at any place. Go back through your other answers in the first part and imagine “what if” you called out to God for help at each spot. What would that look like? For example, if you recognize that you are desiring relief, then start there. Try to articulate what is going in regard to your spiritual illness.

6. With each phase, consider what it would look like to turn to God (repentance). Do passages from Scripture apply? (For example: Romans 8:6, 2 Corinthians 10:5, and Philippians 4:8-9 would all be helpful for “Think/Obsess.”)

Appendix D

The Attributes of God

ATTENTIVE ................................

COMPASSIONATE

CREATOR

God hears and responds to the needs of His Children.

God cares for His children and acts on their behalf.

God made everything. He is uncreated.

DELIVERER God rescues and saves His children.

ETERNAL ....................................

God is not limited by time; He exists outside of time.

FAITHFUL ................................... God always keeps His promises.

GENEROUS .................................

God gives what is best and beyond what is deserved.

GLORIOUS ..................................

GOOD ..........................................

God displays His greatness and worth.

God is what is best and gives what is best. He is incapable of doing harm.

HOLY

God is perfect, pure and without sin.

IMMUTABLE/UNCHANGING ... God never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

INCOMPREHENSIBLE

INFINITE .....................................

JEALOUS ....................................

God is beyond our understanding. We can comprehend Him in part but not in whole.

God has no limits in His person or on His power.

God will not share His glory with another. All glory rightfully belongs to Him.

JUST............................................

God is fair in all His actions and judgments. He cannot overpunish or under-punish.

LOVING

MERCIFUL

OMNIPOTENT/ALMIGHTY

OMNIPRESENT

OMNISCIENT

God feels and displays infinite, unconditional affection toward His children. His love for them does not depend on their worth, response or merit.

God does not give His children the punishment they deserve.

God holds all power. Nothing is too hard for God. What He wills He can accomplish.

God is fully present everywhere.

God knows everything, past, present and future–all potential and real outcomes, all things micro and macro.

PATIENT/LONG-SUFFERING . God is untiring and bears with His children.

PROVIDER .................................. God meets the needs of His children.

REFUGE ......................................

God is a place of safety and protection for His children.

RIGHTEOUS

SELF-EXISTENT

SELF-SUFFICIENT

SOVEREIGN

TRANSCENDENT .......................

God is always good and right.

God depends on nothing and no one to give Him life or existence.

God is not vulnerable. He has no needs.

God does everything according to His plan and pleasure. He controls all things.

God is not like humans. He is infinitely higher in being and action.

TRUTHFUL Whatever God speaks or does is truth and reality.

WORTHY

God deserves all glory and honor and praise.

WRATHFUL ................................ God hates all unrighteousness.

WISE ............................................

God knows what is best and acts accordingly. He cannot choose wrongly.

A p pendix E

Our Identity

IDENTITY IN CHRIST

1. Matthew 5:13 ............... I am the salt of the earth.

2. Matthew 5:14 I am the light of the world.

3. John 1:12 ....................... I am a child of God.

4. John 15 I am part of the true vine, a branch of Christ’s life.

5. John 15:15..................... I am a friend of God.

6. John 15:16 I am chosen and appointed to bear fruit.

7. Romans 6:5 .................. I am resurrected to new life.

8. Romans 6:18 ................ I am a slave to righteousness.

9. Romans 6:22 ............... I am enslaved to God.

10. Romans 8:14 ................ I am a son of God.

11. Romans 8:17 ................ I am a joint heir with Christ, sharing his inheritance.

12. 1 Corinthians 6:19 ....... I am the dwelling place of God.

13. 1 Corinthians 6:19 ....... I am united to the Lord.

14. 1 Corinthians 12:27 ..... I am a member of Christ’s body.

15. 1 Corinthians 15:10 ...... I am what I am, by God’s grace.

16. 2 Corinthians 5:17 I am a new creation.

17. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 . I am reconciled to God.

18. Galatians 3:29 ............. I am the seed of Abraham.

19. Galatians 4:6-7 I am an heir of God since I am a son of God.

20. Ephesians 1:1 ............... I am a saint.

21. Ephesians 1:3 I am blessed with every spiritual blessing.

22. Ephesians 2:10 ............ I am God’s workmanship, made to do good works.

23. Ephesians 2:11 I am a fellow citizen of God’s family.

24. Ephesians 4:1 .............. I am a prisoner of Christ.

25. Ephesians 4:24 I am righteous and holy.

26. Philippians 3:20 .......... I am a citizen of heaven.

27. Colossians 3:3 ............. I am hidden with Christ in God.

28. Colossians 3:4 ............. I am an expression of the life of Christ.

29. Colossians 3:12 I am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved.

30. 1 Thessalonians 5:5 .... I am a child of light and not darkness.

31. Titus 3:7 I am an heir to eternal life.

32. Hebrews 3:1 ................. I am a holy partaker of a heavenly calling.

33. 1 Peter 2:5 I am a living stone in God’s spiritual house.

34. 1 Peter 2:9 .................... I am a member of a chosen race, a holy nation.

35. 1 Peter 2:9-10 I am a priest.

36. 1 Peter 2:11 ................... I am an alien and a stranger to the world.

37. 1 Peter 5:8 I am an enemy of the Devil.

38. 2 Peter 1:3 .................... I am participating in the divine nature.

39. 1 John 5:18 I am born of God, and the Devil cannot touch me.

IDENTITY APART FROM CHRIST

1. Genesis 6:5 .................. I am wicked and evil.

2. Isaiah 59:2.................... I am separated from God.

3. Isaiah 64:6 ................... I am filthy and stained.

4. John 8:34 ..................... I am a slave to sin.

5. Romans 1:18 ................. I am under the wrath of God.

6. Romans 3:10 ................ I am not good.

7. Romans 3:23................ I am falling short of the glory of God.

8. Romans 6:23 I am guilty and condemned.

9. 2 Corinthians 4:4 ........ I am blind to the truth.

10. 2 Corinthians 11:3 I am deceived.

11. Ephesians 2:1............... I am dead in my sins.

12. Ephesians 2:2 I am in bondage to Satan.

13. Ephesians 4:18 ............ I am hard-hearted.

14. James 2:10 I am a lawbreaker.

15. James 4:4 .................... I am an enemy of God.

Appendix F

God’s Promises to a Believer

Matthew 6:25-30 God will provide for your needs.

Matthew 11:28-30 Rest in Christ.

Matthew 21:22 Ask in His name, and you will receive.

Matthew 24:9-14 Persecution is coming.

Matthew 26:29 He is waiting to eat with you.

Matthew 28:20 He is with us always, to the end of age.

Mark 16:16 Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved.

Luke 12:27-34 He knows what you need; seek His kingdom, and what you need will be provided.

John 14:1-4 Jesus is preparing a place for you.

John 14:13-14 Ask in Jesus’ name, and He will do it so that the Father can be glorified in the Son.

John 14:27 He gives us His peace.

John 15:7-8 If you remain in Him, ask whatever you want.

John 15:5 If you remain in Christ, you will produce fruit.

John 16:13-15 The Holy Spirit will guide you into all truth.

John 16:23-24 Ask the Father in Jesus’ name, and it will be given so that your joy may be full.

Acts 1:8 You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes.

Acts 2:38-39 The promise is for you, the believer.

Romans 6:14 Sin will not rule over you.

Romans 8:27 The Holy Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

Romans 8:34 Jesus is at the right hand of the Father interceding for you.

Romans 8:39 Nothing will have the power to separate you from the love of God in Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 1:8 He will strengthen you till the end.

1 Corinthians 2:13 The Holy Spirit will teach you.

1 Corinthians 2:16 You have been given the mind of Christ.

1 Corinthians 10:13 God will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able (in His Spirit), and He will provide a way out.

1 Corinthians 15:52-57 You will be raised into an incorruptible immortal body at the resurrection of the dead.

2 Corinthians 3:18 You are being transformed into the image of Christ.

Philippians 1:6 He who started a good work in you will complete it.

Philippians 3:21 He will transform the body of our humble condition into the likeness of His glorious body.

Philippians 4:7 The peace of God will guard your heart and mind in Jesus Christ.

1 Thessalonians 5:24 God is faithful; he will renew you, body, soul and spirit.

2 Thessalonians 3:3 The Lord is faithful and will strengthen and guard you from the Evil One.

Titus 3: 6-7 He has abundantly poured out His Spirit on us through Jesus, and we are heirs to the hope of eternal life.

Hebrews 7:25 He is able to save all who come to Him, and He always intercedes for them.

Hebrews 8:8-12 God will never again remember your sins.

Hebrews 10:16-17 In the new covenant God will never again remember your sins or your lawless acts.

Hebrews 13:5 God will never leave or forsake you.

1 Peter 1:3-5 Inheritance is imperishable, undefiled, uncorrupted, unfading, kept in heaven for you.

1 Peter 2:10 You are now a part of God’s people.

Revelation 21:1-7 God will dwell with us and wipe away every tear, and death will no longer exist.

Appendix G

Writing Your Own Lament Appendix G

WRITING YOUR OWN LAMENT

INTRODUCTION & INSTRUCTIONS

Psalms of lament are expressions of the trials, suffering, and emotions of life. They are examples on how to communicate with God during times of hurt. It is important to note, however, that the Psalms of Lament usually lead to praise in

This worksheet is an exercise for you to begin to write your own personal psalm of lament to cry out to God in your situation.

screen and begin to follow the following format, pouring your heart before the Lord. Consider meditating on these other Psalms of lament and use them as a source of encouragement and as an example on how you might write your psalm or pray: Psalms 3, 5, 6, 7, 13, 32, 38, 44, 51, 60, 74, 79, 80, 83, 85, 90, 102, 123, 130,137, 143.

After you complete this exercise, you may be surprised at the ways that your spiritual life will change, including your prayers and views on suffering. When we go beyond feeling sorry for ourselves, to actually bringing lament before God, confessing our trust in Him, asking Him for help and ultimately praising God for who He is no matter what situation we are in, we become changed because our focus is on something bigger than ourselves. We begin to become acquainted

who is continually delivering us from the power and effects of sin, making us more like Him. This is the Good News, the Gospel.

It is also important to note the distinction between expressing anger to God and being angry at/with God. It is acceptable to bring our doubts and questions to God as seen in the Psalms, but when we become angry at God and accuse Him of being wrong, unloving, out of control, absent, or having less wisdom than us, then we have crossed the line. (See Proverbs 19:3)

• Remember and be reassured that we are writing from a standpoint before God that is brutally honest yet fully trusting.

• Try to tap into your creative, right brain and explore how to write in the or writing in paragraphs.

• If it helps, try to think of metaphors, word pictures and similes to describe your pain or situation. These can be great avenues of expression when describing painful things in lament.

TEMPLATE FOR A FOUR-PART LAMENT

1. Cry out to God

2. Complaint

3. Petition or Request

4. Truth and Thanksgiving

mind that could help describe your situation?

LAMENT METAPHORS TO CONSIDER:

Drowning

Unrelenting rain or endless fog

Snow that never melts

Shattered glass

Carrying a heavy burden

Unending night/darkness

An empty room or emptiness

Crashing waves

Sinking sand

A broken record

Driving with no destination

Walking on eggshells

CRY OUT TO GOD

Psalm 28:

To you, O Lord, I call; My rock, be not deaf to me.

Psalm 13:

How long, O Lord?

Psalm 94:

O Lord, God of vengeance,

O God of vengeance, shine forth!

COMPLAINT

Psalm 22:

Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?

O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest.

Psalm 6:

I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with my weeping My eye wastes away because of grief; it grows weak because of all my foes.

PETITION OR REQUEST

Psalm 6:

Return, O Lord, and rescue me. Save me because of your unfailing love.

Psalm 13:

Turn and answer me, O Lord my God! Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.

Psalm 102:

Bend down to listen, and answer me quickly when I call to you.

TRUTH AND THANKSGIVING

Psalm 94:

But the Lord is my fortress; my God is the mighty rock where I hide.

Psalm 3:

Victory comes from you, O Lord. May you bless your people.

Psalm 60:

With God’s help we will do mighty things, for God will trample down our foes.

YOUR PSALM OF LAMENT

Let’s now attempt to put the pieces you processed previously into a psalm of lament. Take words or phrases from each of the four sections and re-phrase or format them together to form one work.

Appendix H Shepherding Verses

ABORTION

Exodus 1:17, 20-21

Deuteronomy 5:17

2 Samuel 12:23

Psalm 127:3

Psalm 113:9

Psalm 139:13-16

Isaiah 40:31

Matthew 6:33

AFFECTION NEEDS

Psalm 63:3; 86:13; 100:5

Psalm 145:8-9

John 3:16

Romans 5:8; 8:38-39

1 John 3:1; 4:7-10

1 John 4:16, 18-19

ALCOHOL

Proverbs 28:13; 29:25

1 John 1:8-9

Jeremiah 2:19

John 4:10; 8:36

Acts 1:8

Galatians 5:1, 22-23

Philippians 3:12-14

Psalm 103:12

Isaiah 40:31

Romans 8:31-37

ANGER & HOSTILITY

Psalm 103

Ephesians 1:13-14

ANXIETY

Psalm 121

Acts 27

1 Peter 5:7

Matthew 6:24-34

Philippians 4:6

BACKSLIDING

Isaiah 55:7

Hosea 14:4

Revelation 2:4-5

1 John 1:9

Hebrews 7:25

John 3:17

1 Corinthians 3:3

Proverbs 14:14

BITTERNESS

Hebrews 12:14-15

Ephesians 4:31-32

1 Peter 2:23

Matthew 6:14-15

Romans 12:14-21

CHILD ABUSE

1 Corinthians 9:25-27

Philippians 4:4-9, 13

Hebrews 1:14

Romans 12:2

James 4:7

Romans 6

CULTS

Psalm 119:104

Mark 13:21-23

2 Corinthians 11:13-15

COVETING

Exodus 20:17

1 Corinthians 12:31; 14:39

DEATH

John 14:1-3

1 Corinthians 13:12

John 11:25

Philippians 1:21

1 Kings 14:1, 13

2 Samuel 12:22-23

DEPRESSION

Psalm 27

Psalm 40:1-3

Psalm 121

Acts 27

Ephesians 1:13-14

DISCIPLINE OF CHILDREN

Deuteronomy 6:5-7

Proverbs 22:6; 19:18; 13:24; 22:15

Ephesians 6:4

1 Timothy 3:4

Titus 2:4

DISCIPLINE

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Hebrews 12:5-11

DIVORCE

Malachi 2:16

Matthew 19:1-11

Matthew 5:31-32

1 Corinthians 7:10-16

1 John 1:9

DRUGS

1 Corinthians 6:12

Ephesians 5:18

Luke 4:18-21, 36

Colossians 2:15

1 John 3:8

Galatians 5:1, 13

ENDURANCE

Psalm 40:1-3

John 11

Acts 27

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Hebrews 12:5-11

ENVY-JEALOUSY

Proverbs 14:30

1 Corinthians 3:3

Galatians 5:19-21

James 3:14-16

FEAR

Philippians 4:4-9

Psalm 103

Psalm 121

Acts 27

FORGIVENESS

Psalm 32; 103

1 John 1:9

1 Peter 1:18-19

1 Peter 2:24

Hebrews 9:22

FINANCES

Matthew 6:33

Malachi 3:8-10

Philippians 4:18-19

GOSSIP

2 Corinthians 12:20

Leviticus 19:16

1 Timothy 5:13

Luke 3

James 4:11-12

Matthew 18:15

GOD’S LOVE & ACCEPTANCE

Psalm 27

Psalm 103

Luke 15

Acts 27

GUILT

Psalm 32

Psalm 103

Luke 15

HOMOSEXUALITY

Leviticus 20:13

1 Corinthians 6:9

1 Timothy 1:10

Romans 1:21, 26-27

Romans 6:11-14, 22

HOPELESSNESS & DESPAIR

Psalm 27

Psalm 40:1-3

Psalm 103

Psalm 121

John 11

Acts 27

HOPE

Psalm 27

Psalm 40:1-3

Psalm 119

Psalm 121

Acts 27

HUMILITY

John 13:1-17

Ephesians 5:15-21

JUDGMENTAL

Matthew 7:1-2

John 8:7

Mark 11:24-25

Luke 6:41

Romans 14:4

Ephesians 6:1

LONELINESS

Psalm 121

Luke 15

John 11

Acts 27

Ephesians 1:13-14

MARRIAGE

Restoring Lost Love

Revelation 2:1-16

Husbands

Ephesians 5:15-6:20

1 Peter 3:7-9

Wives

Ephesians 5:15-6:20

1 Peter 3:1-6

ENEMIES

Exodus 23:4-5

Proverbs 24:17-18

Luke 6:27-37

Romans 12:14, 19-21

MENTAL ILLNESS

2 Timothy 1:7

Isaiah 26:3

Philippians 4:8

Luke 4:18-19

Romans 12:2

OCCULT

Exodus 22:18

Leviticus 19:31

Leviticus 20:6, 27

Deuteronomy 18:10-12

2 Kings 21:6

2 Chronicles 33:6

Isaiah 47:9, 13-15

Acts 19:17-20

PEACE

Psalm 40:1-3

Psalm 119

Psalm 121

John 11

SELF-IMAGE

Luke 15

Ephesians 1:13-14

SUICIDE

Psalm 8, 40

Psalm 42, 43

John 10:10

Romans 15:4

Philippians 4:6-8

Psalm 73

Philippians 4:19

Matthew 6:25-33

Hebrews 7:25

TEMPTATION

1 Corinthians 10:13

James 1:2-3, 12

Romans 8:28

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Appendix I The Gospel

SCRIPTURE ABOUT SALVATION

• Romans 3:23 – … for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

• Romans 6:23 – For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

• Romans 5:8 – But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

• Romans 10:13 – For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

Romans 10:9-10 – … if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.

• Ephesians 2:8-9 – For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast.

• Titus 3:5 – … he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy.

He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit …

DIAGNOSTIC QUESTIONS

1. Will you tell me more about your faith?

2. On a scale of 1 to 10, how sure are you that if you died tonight you would spend eternity in heaven?

3. If you were to stand before Jesus immediately after your death, how would you respond to this question: “On what basis should I allow you into heaven?”

4. Have you put your trust in the finished work of Christ on the cross? If so, how has your life changed since that decision and what is the evidence?

5. What is your greatest challenge today in your walk with Christ?

A p pendix J

Justification, Adoption & Sanctification

Adapted from Large Group Teaching #5: Creation > The Fall/Sin > Redemption > Repentance > Salvation

What makes you a member of the kingdom of God is not the right things you do but the ac ce ptance you receive.

ROMANS 8:29-30

For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

ACCOMPLISHED:

Forgiveness of sins (past, present, future)

REBIRTH OR REGENERATION:

The Spirit’s work of making us new

CONVERSION:

The act of the regenerated person to believe , to trust , to repent , to place faith in the work and the power of God.

JUSTIFICATION:

Declaring innocence

ADOPTION:

God declares us to be sons and daughters .

SANCTIFICATION:

The Holy Spirit is empowering us, but we are participating in God’s work to mature and to grow and to sanctify us.

Appendix K

Examples of Lies & Truths

TRAUMA AND SUFFERING

Lie: “I am not valuable… I have to do something to earn God’s love… If God really knew me he wouldn’t love me.”

Truth: God showed his love for his children in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). I have been chosen by God (Ephesians 1:4), He loved me at my darkest, and I don’t have/can’t do anything to earn His love. God’s love is not conditional; His acceptance is not based on human works and worthiness but on faith in the works of His worthy Son. My worth comes from God and God alone.

Character Defects: legalism à dependence on my own behavior for my sense of self-worth and value [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]; people-pleasing à making myself feel better by getting the approval of someone else [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]

ANGER AND RESENTMENT

Lie: “If God hadn’t allowed me to be born into the family I was born into, things would be okay now… I don’t understand how that plan can be good, why would he want me to suffer? If my mom and dad had loved me better, I wouldn’t struggle so much now.”

Truth: God is good, perfect, just, and holy. He has an eternal perspective that I cannot see or understand. He knows the unjust suffering that has happened in my life and he will stand as a righteous Judge and King over those who have offended me. I must acknowledge that I am a sinner, just as the person who has offended me is a sinner. I have been extended grace by the Lord and I have the ability to now extend supernatural grace to others (Romans 2:1-5). Help me to remember that the Lord’s plans for me are to bless me and not harm me, to give me hope and a future.

Character Defects: self-justification à clearing myself from blame for my actions and attitudes [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]; self-pity à continually reviewing my miseries, often blaming others for my troubles [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]

SEXUAL IMMORALITY

Lie: “If I have sex with someone, then maybe I will be worth their time and attention, maybe they won’t leave me, I will have security in my relationship with them, it will mean they really love me”.

Truth: We can never find our dignity, worth, or value apart from Christ. While God gives us a desire to belong and be in relationship with other people, these relationships will never satisfy us. God has adopted us into his family and nothing can ever separate us from His love (Romans 8:35-39).

Character Defects: perfectionism à working to arrange my life so that everything and everyone in it (including myself) is faultless, according to my standards [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]; peoplepleasing à making myself feel better by getting the approval of someone else [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]

GUILT AND SHAME

Lie: “I have messed up so much, particularly in the area of sexual sin, that I have to make up for it now… I can’t mess up again… I have to earn God’s love and approval.”

Truth: God showed his love for his children in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). I have been chosen by God (Ephesians 1:4), He loved me at my darkest, and I don’t have/can’t do anything to earn His love. God’s love is not conditional, His acceptance is not based on human works and worthiness but on faith in the works of His worthy Son. My worth comes from God and God alone. All of my shame was nailed to the cross, Jesus bore it for me and I don’t have to walk in shame anymore.

Character Defects: legalism à dependence on our own behavior for our sense of self-worth and value [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]; perfectionism à working to arrange my life so that everything and everyone in it (including myself) is faultless, according to my standards [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]

FEAR AND ANXIETY

Lie: “I have to be in control so that I don’t get hurt again… I can’t trust people not to hurt me because it has happened so many times...”

Truth: In our pride, we often think that we know what is best for us and when what we think is best for us is threatened, we become fearful and controlling. We tend to doubt God’s sovereignty and His goodness in our lives. We must come into agreement with the truth that God is good, God is love, God loves his children, God is allpowerful and delights in protecting and caring for His children (Romans 8:28). We also have a God-given desire for peace and security, but when we attempt to control and manipulate our circumstances and relationships, fear reigns in our hearts (1 John 4:7-21). We must rest in the character of God, knowing that no person or circumstance can rob us of our peace with Him.

Character Defects: lack of trust/self-preservation à not being able to trust, not being able to depend on someone or something, doubt, lack in belief in God’s goodness [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]

GRIEF

Lie: “I am afraid to love someone too much again, losing people is too painful, I don’t want to experience loss in that way again.”

Truth: I don’t have to protect myself from loving others. I can be fully known and fully loved by the Lord and rest in the truth that no loss or suffering can rob me of my peace with Him.

Character Defects: detachment à removing yourself from relationships with others [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]; denial à self-protecting behavior that keeps me from honestly facing the truth and pain of life on this side of eternity [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]

A p pendix L

19 Possible Motivations/Triggers for Viewing

Pornography

Adapted from an article by Brad Hambrick: http://bradhambrick.com/19-possible-motive-triggers-forpornography (OCT 28, 2016)

Often triggers and motive are treated as two distinct things, and there are differences. But those differences are more akin to two sides of the same coin than apples and oranges. In this post you will examine the things that trigger your sexual sin and the motives attached to those triggers.

As you identify the trigger-motive for your sexual sin, we also want you to begin to see how you are treating your sin like a friend, ally, refuge, etc… These insights are essential for repentance to make sense as a central part of change. Unless we see how our sin seeks to replace God in our life, then our need to be made right with God comes across as if God is unduly hung up about our sexuality.

“Your struggle with sexual addiction doesn’t start with your behavior. It begins with what you want, what you live for (p. 6).” David Powlison in Sexual Addiction

1. BOREDOM (SIN AS MY JOY)

When boredom is our trigger to sexual sin, then sin has become our joy. When there is a moment to be filled with something of our choosing, we pursue sin to fill the void rather than God or any of His legitimate pleasures. We begin to lose our appetite for godly pleasure like the child who eats sweets stops wanting healthy food. Even as they feel sluggish from the ups and downs of sugary “treats” they fail to connect this to their diet but go instead for another sugar high as the “obvious” solution.

“Sex is not ultimate… Idols begin as good things to which we give too much importance, and few things slide over into idolatry with greater frequency or greater power than sex. We allow a good gift of God to supersede the God who gave it. Sex is good, even great, but it’s not ultimate (p. 61).” Tim Challies in Sexual Detox

Read Nehemiah 8:9-12. God is a God of great joys and pleasure. Too often we view God as so serious that we believe “fun” must be in His opposite direction. When God called Israel to repentance through Nehemiah and Ezra, He asked them to express their repentance in celebration. If the motive of boredom leads you to sin, then allow this passage to challenge your view of God.

2. LONELINESS (SIN AS MY FRIEND)

When loneliness is our trigger to sexual sin, then sin becomes our “friend.” Sexual sin is always relational whether the relationship is fictional or physical, so it fits loneliness well. It is as if our sin (a person, a chat room, or a video) calls to us, “Tell me your troubles.” We are glad to pull up a chair and unload. As

we do, talking to a real person or one who is not part of our sin becomes too risky. We now fear being judged or known by anyone but our “friend.”

“It’s a perfect world that I can create. Things always go exactly my way. People do exactly what I want. I’m always on top. Fantasy is a great ego-feeder (p. 19).” Anonymous testimony in David Powlison’s Pornography: Slaying the Dragon.

Read Proverbs 27:6. During sexual sin we write this proverb backwards. We believe, “Faithful are the kisses of any enemy; profuse are the wounds of a friend.” When sin reverses the roles of friend and enemy, it has trapped us until we return the right labels to the people in our lives. If the motive of loneliness leads you to sexual sin, then prayerfully examine who or what you are calling “friend.”

3. STRESS (SIN AS MY COMFORTER)

When stress is our trigger to sexual sin, then sin becomes our comforter. We run to it, her, or him. Sin or our adultery partner makes things better (at least as long as it, she, or he remains hidden and keeps us to themselves). Yet the comfort takes on an addictive quality. The stress from which we are relieved is multiplied by the stress it, she, or he creates. This keeps us in a cycle of stress and returning to a primary source of stress for relief.

“We crave intimacy at a relational level. We feel lonely. But we also fear intimacy. We’re not sure we can attain it or be vulnerable enough to handle it (p. 47).” Tim Chester in Closing the Window

Read John 14:25-31. Jesus describes the Holy Spirit as “the Helper” or “the Comforter” (v. 26) and as the source of peace that is distinct from the world’s peace which always returns us to fear (v. 27). If a source of comfort does not allow you to be more real with more people, then it is not true comfort. It is a drug that numbs you before it makes you sick. If the motive of stress leads you to sexual sin, then examine whether your “comfort” is real or a form of relational self-medication.

4. FRUSTRATION (SIN AS MY PEACE)

When frustration is our trigger to sexual sin, then sin becomes our source of peace. Sin is treated as an “oasis.” When this happens we label sin as our “safe place” as compared to the parts of life that are upsetting. This makes sin our friend and anyone or anything that opposes or interferes with our sin our enemy.

Read Romans 16:17-20 and I Thessalonians 5:22-24: Notice that each of the passages refer to knowing the God of peace as the alternative to falling into temptations based upon deceitful desires. Where you turn for peace from what frustrates you is the determining variable of their character. Once you declare something or someone as the source of your peace, you will be loyal to and obey it.

5. FATIGUE (SIN AS MY SOURCE OF LIFE)

When fatigue is our trigger to sexual sin, then sin becomes our source of life. We turn to sin as our boost to get through the day. The thought of our sin keeps us going when we feel like giving up. The

adrenaline of sexual satisfaction (physical or romantic) becomes a drug that we use to artificially stimulate ourselves and one that we begin to wonder whether we could live without.

Read 2 Corinthians 4:7-18: This passage uses many words that can be synonyms for or create fatigue: afflicted (v. 8), perplexed (v. 8), persecuted (v. 9), struck down (v. 9), and wasting away (v. 16). Fatigue can make you feel alone and sexual sin becomes your life giving companion. Paul says that it is only Christ who can be the life in us that counters the fatiguing death around us (v. 10-12). To doubt this truth reveals that we are believing (or at least listening attentively to) lies.

6. HURT (SIN AS MY REFUGE)

When hurt is our trigger for sexual sin, then sin becomes our refuge. In our moments of sinful escape we feel protected from life and a growing allegiance develops towards our sin. In actuality our sexual sin provides as much protection as a child pulling the covers over his/her head, but in our moment of hurt we are appreciative for even the pseudo-refuge of sin compared to the perceived absence of any other refuge.

Read Psalm 31: This Psalm alternates between a cry for help and a song of confidence. In this the Psalm reveals the realness with which Scripture speaks to life. Sexual sin is a pseudo-refuge on demand. Even when we cannot have the sin, we can fantasize about his/her presence. However, the real refuge of God is available through the same type of prayerful-meditative exercise as our fantasy, but is able to actually deliver us through the guidance of Scripture, the presence of His Spirit, and the involvement of His people.

7. BETRAYAL (SIN AS MY REVENGE)

When betrayal is our trigger for sexual sin, then sin becomes our revenge. We know how powerful betrayal is (especially sexual betrayal), so we decide to use its power for our purposes to avenge those who have hurt us. Blinded by pain we try to use pain to conquer pain but only multiply pain. We continue this potentially infinite domino train that pummels us with alternating experiences of betrayal’s pain and betraying’s shame in spite of knowing how it perpetuates pain.

Read Romans 12:17-21: It is so tempting to read this passage as God “holding you back” from sweet relief and satisfaction. But, in reality, it is God “holding you back” from turning another’s betrayal into self-destruction. God is not removing vengeance. God is simply saying He is the only one who can handle its power without being overcome by it. Sin can never conquer sin; any more than oil can remove a stain from your clothes. It is foolish to believe that your sexual sin could do what only Christ’s death on the cross could do – bring justice to injustice.

8. BITTERNESS (SIN AS MY JUSTICE)

When bitterness is our trigger for sexual sin, then sin becomes our justice. If sin as revenge is fast and hot, then sin as justice is slow and cold. No longer are we seeking to hurt another by our actions; now we are merely nursing our wound. If we tried to explain our sin in words, we would have to say we

believed our sin had some healing power. But because that seems foolish, we are more prone to just excuse our sin by the sin done to us.

Read Hebrews 12:15-17: In this passage a “root of bitterness” is directly linked to sexual sin (v. 16). When bitterness distorts our perspective we will trade things of great value (our integrity and/or family unity) for things of little value (a sexual release or fantasy briefly brought to life) like Esau who sold his birthright for a bowl of soup.

9. OPPORTUNITY (SIN AS MY PLEASURE)

When opportunity is our trigger for sexual sin, then sin becomes our pleasure. Often sexual sin requires no more trigger than time alone with a computer, a free moment to text, or an available member of the opposite sex to “talk” (i.e., flirt or allow to carry my burdens). When this is the case, sexual sin has become our default recreation; our preferred hobby. The more our sexual sin seeps into the common parts of life the more pervasive the lifestyle and heart changes necessary to root it out.

“The reality is that often we dislike the shame and consequences of sin, but we still like the sin itself… That’s because porn is pleasurable. Let’s be honest about that. If we pretend otherwise, we’ll never fight it successfully. People like watching porn otherwise they wouldn’t watch. The Bible talks about the pleasures of sin. They’re temporary. They’re dangerous. They’re empty pleasures, compared with the glory of God. But they are pleasures, nonetheless (p. 15).” Tim Chester in Closing the Window

Read Philippians 3:17-21: Paul is addressing those whose “god is their belly” (v. 19). These are people whose basic appetites, the mundane parts of their life, were at odds with God. Paul wept at the thought of people in this condition (v. 18). Chances are they had become so comfortable serving their appetites that it would seem odd that Paul was crying for them and “radical” to change. If mere opportunity has become a primary trigger for you sin, let this passage shock you awake!

10. REJECTION (SIN AS MY COMFORT)

When rejection is our trigger for sexual sin, then sin becomes our comfort. Our culture has made things done from a “fear of rejection” seem neutral; as if the defensive motive negated the badness of sin; as if we become the victim of our own sin when we fear rejection. The problem with a fear of rejection is that it makes us foolish. Only the fear of the Lord can make us wise (Prov. 1:7). When we react from a fear of rejection, we naturally seek the comfort of people rather than the comfort of God.

“Once we understand that the primary goal of sexually addictive behavior is to avoid relational pain essentially, to control life we can begin to uncover the core problem (20)… Several tiers below the surface is a pervasive, integral force that demands the right to avoid pain and experience self-fulfillment. This self-centered energy is the very essence of what the Bible calls ‘sin’ (p. 24).” Harry Schaumburg in False Intimacy

Read Proverbs 29:25: Scripture calls the “fear of rejection” the “fear of man.” It is not innocent because it replaces God as the One for whose approval we live. It is the values, character, and preferences of the

one we fear that influence our decisions, emotions, morality, and instinctive responses. If rejection is your primary motive for sexual sin, allow this passage to challenge the orientation of your life.

11. FAILURE (SIN AS MY SUCCESS)

When failure is our trigger for sexual sin, then sin becomes our success. In the fantasy world of sexual sin (porn, romance media, or adultery), you always win. You get the girl. You are the beauty who is rescued. No part of real life can compete with the early success rate of sin. Sin pays up front and costs in the back. Real success costs up front and pays in the back. In healthy marriages sacrifice is a primary part of the joy. As you give into sexual sin as a form of success it will drive you to desire the kinds of successes that destroy a family. Even if the adultery relationship is made permanent, it will then become “real” enough that it will no longer play by your preferred rules of success.

Read Matthew 21:28-32: Why would the second son say, “I go, sir” and not do the assigned task (v. 30)?

One potential reason is the fear of failure. Doubtless he would then view his father as upset with him and feel closer to someone who only asked of him what he wanted to do (i.e., porn, romantic media, or adultery partner). Using sexual sin as cheap success results in harming real relationships, lying, defensiveness towards being “judged,” and retreating to unhealthy or fictitious relationships. Rather than grading others by how they make you feel, repent of your fear of failure.

12. SUCCESS (SIN AS MY REWARD)

When success is our trigger for sexual sin, then sin becomes our reward. Has your sexual sin become what you do when you need a break or what you have “earned” after completing something difficult? Has your sexual sin become the carrot you dangle in front of yourself in order to maintain motivation? When sin becomes our reward we feel cheated by repentance. God and anyone who speaks on His behalf becomes a kill-joy.

Read Hebrews 11:23-28: Moses was faced with a choice between which reward he believed would be most satisfying: the treasure of Egypt or the privilege of being God’s servant (v. 26). Sexual sin gives us a similar reward choice: easy treasure or humble servant. Unless Christ is our hero and God our admired Father, then the choice seems like a no-brainer in the direction of destruction.

13. ENTITLEMENT (SIN AS MY DESERVED)

When entitlement is our trigger for sexual sin, then sin becomes what we deserve. When you are confronted with your sexual sin, do you think or say, “How else am I going to get what I need… deserve… earned?” Can you see how sexual sin has become your measure for a “good day” and whether someone is “for” or “against” you? Are you willing to allow anyone other than Christ who died for the sin you are trying to squeeze life out of to be the measure of “good” in your life?

Read Jeremiah 6:15 and 8:12: The people of God had lost their ability to blush at sin. Why? One possible explanation (that can explain our inability to blush even if it doesn’t apply to them), is they believed they deserved their sin. When this happens, we believe we know better than God. We believe the unique

features of our life trump the timeless truths of God’s created order. Our confidence to debate robs us of the humility necessary to blush.

14. DESIRE TO PLEASE (SIN AS MY AFFIRMATION)

When the desire to please is our trigger for sexual sin, then sin becomes our affirmation. It is easy to please a porn star or an adultery partner. They have a vested interest in being pleased. The entire relationship is based upon commerce (“the customer is always right”) or convenience (“if I am not pleasing to you, you have somewhere else to return”) rather than commitment (“I choose you unconditionally and faithfully in good times and in bad”). Too often sexual sin becomes a place of escape when we don’t feel like we can make everyone/anyone happy.

Read Ephesians 4:25-32: Notice that the type of relational interaction described in these verses is incompatible with an overly strong desire to please others. We cannot live the life God called us to (regardless of whether we are sinning sexually or not) if our driving desire is the affirmation of others. Our conversation must be gracious and good for building up (v. 29), but that assumes that we are willing to speak into areas of weakness with those we love.

15. TIME OF DAY (SIN AS PACIFIER)

When time of day is our trigger for sexual sin, then sin becomes our pacifier. Do you use your sexual sin to help you sleep, get the day started, serve as a pick-me-up, fight boredom, or kill dead time? What are the common times of day or week when you struggle with sexual sin? When has your sexual sin become routine?

Read I Timothy 4:7-10: When you use sin as a pacifier you are training yourself for ungodliness (contra. v. 7). Often, because these occurrence happen during down times or transitions of our day, we view these occurrences of sin as less bad. We view them more like a child who is still sucking his/her fingers rather than a child who is defying a parent’s direct instruction. If disciplining ourselves for godliness means anything, it must be relevant when we feel undisciplined.

16. LOCATION (SIN AS MY ESCAPE)

When location is our trigger for sexual sin, then sin becomes our escape. The fantasy nature of all sexual sin makes it a perfect escape from an unpleasant location. We can “be there” and “not be there” at the same time. We get credit for attendance (or at least avoid the discredit of absence) without having to attend. We can mentally be with our lover while enduring the boring meeting, stressful kids, uninteresting spouse, lonely apartment, or other unpleasant setting.

Read Psalm 32: Notice that the Psalm begins talking about an unpleasant place or time (v. 1-5). But rather than escaping David ran to God (v. 7) and found the joy you are seeking through escape into sexual sin (v. 10-11). When we escape through sexual fantasy we are using our fantasy as a substitute God. We are, in effect, praying to and meditating on our sin during a time of hardship seeking deliverance.

17. NEGATIVE SELF-THOUGHTS (SIN AS MY SILENCER)

When negative self-thoughts are our trigger for sin, then sin becomes our silencer. In sexual fantasy (porn, romance media, or adultery partner), we are always desired and see ourselves through the eyes of the one desiring us. We give ourselves to them not just physically but also imaginatively. Because we know the relationship is short-lived we are willing to do this. If the relationship were permanent the power of silencing-effect would be diluted over the expanse of time and contradicted by our growing number of failures in his/her presence.

Read Psalm 103: Sin will never do (or even a healthy human relationship) what only God can do. The ultimate “Peace, be still” to our negative self-thoughts is Christ’s death on the cross – affirming that we were as bad as we thought, but replacing our deficiency with His righteousness. Sexual sin provides fantasy righteousness. It provides the kind of covering mocked in the classic children’s book The Emperor’s New Clothes

18. PUBLIC (SIN AS MY CARNIVAL)

When public is our trigger to sexual sin, then sin becomes our carnival. We walk through life like a kid at an amusement park; gawking at every person we see like a new ride or romantic adventure, making a clownish sexual innuendo out of every comment, or treating everything present as if it existed to entertain us and stimulate us sexually. Our private thoughts of fantasy become fueled by a hypersexualized interpretation of our surroundings.

“The act of looking at porn is itself part of the succor it purports to offer. I can search for women who are available to me. I can choose between them like some sovereign being. It offers a sense of control (p. 50).” Tim Chester in Closing the Window

Read Romans 1:24-25: Can you hear in the description of sex as carnival what it means to have “exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator (v. 25)”? God will give us over to this kind of lustful heart (v. 24). This is why a radical amputation of sin is a necessary and wise response to prevent sexual sin from becoming our carnival (Matt 5:27-30).

19. WEAKNESS (SIN AS MY POWER)

When weakness is our trigger to sexual sin, then sin becomes our power. The stimulation (both the physical and chemical changes associated with arousal) of sexual sin gives a façade of strength. Having another person delight in you also provides a veneer of significance. As with most of these motives/triggers, sex becomes a means to an end. Sex is no longer an expression of love but an attempt to gain something. That is always a recipe for dysfunctional, unsatisfying sex.

“My pastor has preached that the primary issue in adultery is that you want someone else to worship you and serve you, to be at your beck and call. That resonated with me. I could see that theme in my fantasies (p. 15).” Anonymous testimony in David Powlison’s Pornography: Slaying the Dragon.

Read 2 Corinthians 11:30: Are you willing to boast (verbally put on public display) your weakness as a way to make Christ more known and live in more authentic relationships? That is the only freedom that will allow you to enduringly enjoy what you are seeking in sexual sin. If that sounds backwards to you read what Paul said in his first letter to the Corinthians (1:20-25) and ask yourself if your “wisdom” is getting you closer or farther from where you want to be.

APPLICATION

List and rank the top five motives/triggers for your sexual sin:

“Porn is always about a symptom of deeper issues. It’s about lust, but it’s also about anger, intimacy, control, fear, escape, and so on. Many of these problems will show up in other areas of a person’s life (p. 109).” Tim Chester in Closing the Window

For some people the motive for their sexual sin will be very self-evident. Maybe you could quickly pick out the motive-triggers that deceive you into believing sin is “worth it” or will “work out” this time. For others, it requires reflection in the moment of temptation to discern what is luring them.

The value in understanding the motive for our sin is that it allows us to recognize the empty promises sin makes so that we can turn to our loving Heavenly Father who is willing and able to fulfill those promises. I hope this post has helped you see the emptiness of sin so that you are prepared to embrace the fullness of God in the gospel.

A p p e n d i x M

Panic Attacks

OVERVIEW

A panic attack is a sudden episode of intense fear that triggers severe physical reactions when there is no real danger or apparent cause. Panic attacks can be very frightening. You feel alone, stuck, off balance. You begin fearing fear. When panic attacks occur, you might think you're losing control, having a heart attack or even dying.

Panic attacks typically include some of these signs or symptoms:

• Sense of impending doom or danger

• Fear of loss of control or death

• Rapid, pounding heart rate

• Sweating

• Trembling or shaking

• Shortness of breath or tightness in your throat

• Chills

• Hot flashes

• Nausea

• Abdominal cramping

• Chest pain

• Headache

• Dizziness, lightheadedness or faintness

• Numbness or tingling sensation

• Feeling of unreality or detachment

One of the worst things about panic attacks is the intense fear that you'll have another one. While some people have 1 or 2 in the lifetime it is also common to have them in clusters.

HELPING SOMEONE WHILE THEY ARE HAVING A PANIC ATTACK

Video to watch: https://www.ccef.org/resources/video/helping-someone-midst-panic-attack

1. Encourage deep breathing. ...

2. Help them recognize they are having a panic attack and normalize physical symptoms as well as thinking they are dying

3. Prayer over them and for them

4. Have them close their eyes

5. Help them find an object or happy place to focus on

6. Sometimes medication is needed

APPLY SOME INITIAL BIBLICAL CATEGORIES

https://www.ccef.org/resources/blog/how-biblical-counselor-thinks-about-panic-attacks-most-read-2012-10

These are troubling symptoms, and though we certainly care about heart rates, sweats, shakes, dizziness and feeling detached, we have no assurance from Scripture that these physical symptoms will change even if we grow in Christ.

Are there any symptoms here that Scripture assures us can change? How about fear of death and fear of losing control? These are the spiritual symptoms of fear and Scripture is all about fear, especially the fear of death. We might expect growth in this one.

Our bodies are wasting away but our inner person (spirit, heart, soul) can be renewed (2 Cor. 4:16). We are pleased to see the alleviation of physical symptoms when possible, but we are even more eager to see spiritual growth whether the physical symptoms improve or not.

NOW DIVE IN, GET MESSY.

• “Could you tell me more? When was the last time it happened? What was it like for you?”

• “Where did your mind go when you thought you could die?”

• “How do you think we should pray about this?”

• “Have you talked to your physician about this?”

• “What do you think about this: let’s start focusing on fear in Scripture. Let’s see how our God speaks gently and powerfully to us as fearful people. These panic attacks seem like a fine occasion to become fear experts.”

DON’T OVER-INTERPRET!

One caution, and it is an important one. People say stupid, unhelpful Job-comforter-likethings when they believe they have insight into the cause of panic attacks. There is a difference between knowing descriptions of panic attacks and knowing their explanations. What causes panic attacks? That is an irresistible question one we really want to answer. But we must resist trying to explain why it happens. When it comes to most psychiatric diagnoses, “I don’t know” is the best and most sophisticated summary of the cause.

This lack of insight, however, does not limit our ability to help. We do not have to know the causes of suffering the eruption of physical symptoms in this case to help someone. We have plenty of beautiful revelation that guides our ministry. We don’t have to speculate on causes and other matters for which Scripture does not give precise direction.

MINISTERING TO SOMEONE WHO IS STRUGGLING WITH PANIC ATTACKS

https://blogs.faithlafayette.org/counseling/2010/10/panic-attacks-insights-from-david-powlison

1. God understands. He’s with you now.

Yes, some Christians have panic attacks. This doesn’t make them or you bad Christians. Jesus himself was deeply troubled in the hours before his imprisonment.

2. Vulnerability and lack of control is a central issue in the heart of those who experience panic attacks.

Panic comes when we have a sense of heightened vulnerability. It will never do to simply encourage someone to “pull it together” or “to minimize their sense of vulnerability.” However, in the process of helping people who experience these debilitating attacks we want them to understand how their attacks begin with a sense of vulnerability and lack of control.

3. Those who experience panic attacks need a larger worldview to process them.

The reality is that this life is full of real and genuine threats. It is true that those threats may result in some kind of pain in our lives. However, the larger worldview is that God has communicated with us that “Do not be afraid … for I am with you.” In other words, God meets people in their fears and grants them the courage to function in a way that pleases him in the midst of that fear. The psalmists often speak of real and genuine threats to their life and security, but find strength and solace in their relationship with God.

4. Those who experience panic attacks need to view those attacks as informative rather than devastating.

Panic attacks are devastating. Life feels like it is spiraling out of control. The person living the attack seems to have no way out of it. They may feel hopeless and completely alone. As long as these thoughts persist, the attacks will continue to be devastating. But what happens if the person learns to see the attack as informative? What if the onslaught of an attack is like the “check engine” light of our car? What happens if they begin to see the attack as a warning sign that their fears and vulnerability are taking God out of the picture? It seems that if they can process these moments as an opportunity to run to the Lord, to seek his help, to cling to his promises then God will meet them in that fear and vulnerability. God’s grace and help will come and the person will avoid the chaos. The sense of danger may not disappear, but there is a confidence in the sense of danger that God is there.

Where real life meets real hope.

For those navigating challenges, exploring faith, or simply sensing a need for something deeper, Thrive offers a space to show up as they are — and begin moving from surviving to thriving.

Over the course of several weeks, participants engage with meaningful Scripture, honest teaching, and real conversations in small group settings. Each person is also paired with a Mentor who walks alongside them as they reflect on their relationship with God, their view of self, and how they relate to others.

The process isn’t always easy — but it is worth it. Even in the messiest, most confusing parts of life, God meets people with love, truth, and healing. That’s what Thrive is all about: not perfection, but transformation. One faithful step at a time.

This workbook serves as the central guide throughout the Thrive journey. Inside are Bible studies, reflection prompts, teaching outlines, and personal assessments — all designed to help participants process deeply, grow intentionally, and move forward with hope.