Surviving the Trenches
by Jonathan Torres
The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive self-projection to author new life narratives.
Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.
While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.
This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.
Jonathan Torres Surviving the Trenches
Have you ever had something so bad happen to you when you were a child that changed your childhood forever?
Well let me tell you my story about how childhood was taken away from me when I was only fourteen years old.
One hot summer day in Chicago on July 25th 2014 my friends and I were outside enjoying the weather, walking through our neighborhood located on the westside of Chicago.
Firecrackers were still popping even though the fourth of July had passed already. Music coming from Ice cream trucks that were passing by, snowball stands were set up on the corners.
Everybody outside having fun, just a regular day in Chicago. We were young without a worry in the world we would’ve never expected that our lives would change forever after that day.
It was me, my friend Max who was the shortest out the crowd but always the toughest, my friend Lil Head who was the oldest and my friend Lil Sam who was the youngest.
We always made fun of him because he used to stutter every time he talked. It was always us four we were more like brothers than friends, we shared clothes, slept in the same bed together and we all called each other parents Og and Pops.
As we were walking we stopped to talk to a group of females, then one of the older guys from our neighborhood walked up and gave us twenty dollars and told us go to the store and buy some snacks. Back then you could buy a lot of things with twenty dollars.
So we split the money five dollars apiece. Once we got done talking to the females, we headed to the store, once we got to the store we all went in there and brought whatever we wanted.
After we left out of the store we waited in the front for our other two friends we were supposed to meet up there. Once we all met up we was just talking shit, laughing. I then heard a familiar voice. I looked to the side and it was my Mother calling me from the window of our home. We stayed two houses down from the store. She told me to come here.
Once I walked to the front of the house she stuck her head out of the top-story window and told me to come upstairs so we could go to our uncle's house who had just passed away an hour ago.
All of the family were going over there to show my aunt some support. The news hit me by surprise I knew my uncle was sick but I thought my uncle had more fight in him cause he was a real tough stand up guy and he loved his family and will do anything for his family.
I thought he would be able to overcome everything. The news really hurt me. I then walked back over to my friends to tell them goodbye.
Once I walked towards the stairway that was in the back of our apartment, that’s when I heard something that sounded like gunshots but I didn't really pay it no mind because people were still popping fireworks at the same time.
Then I saw my friend Lil Head running towards me. I asked him what was wrong, then he told me he had just been shot then showed me his leg, I seen blood soaking his pants.
I took him upstairs to my house and told my Mother to call the ambulance. I stepped out my front door to check on my other friends.
I walked into a horrific scene. All my friends were lying on the ground shot. I rushed over to help my friends, all of their clothes were soaked in blood.
Screams were coming from spectators who were around me and my friends who were shot. All of my friends were moving except for my friend Lil Sam.
I went to check on him he was lying on the ground face-first on the ground with two gunshot wounds to his head.
He wasn't breathing. I remember feeling weak, lightheaded, my heart was pounding and I was struggling to catch my breath. I had never seen someone die in front of me before so at a young age it traumatized me seeing my friend Lil Sam lying there lifeless. After that we knew we had to grow up at a young age.
It was rare back then that children were getting shot; it was mainly the older guys who got shot.
Once we found out it was kids getting shot too, our lives took a turn we jumped into the streets, start having protection, and hustling to survive and we all dropped out of school.
I feel like four lives were taken that day instead of one cause we was never the same no more. I always say that I feel like my uncle died for me because if it wasn't for his death I would've never walked off from the crowd that day and most likely would've been shot or killed.
I still check on his family til this day and still go to the parties his family throws for his birthday every year. I just want my readers to cherish their friends and family because you never know when a person going to be gone.
I Am From
I am from North Lawndale
From California and Polk
I am from the trenches
And from came from nothing
I’m from Hector and Camari
Jonathan Torres
From hot dogs and quarter juices on your birthday
And from tough love and caring
I’m from if someones hits you hit them back
And from stay out of grown folks business
I’m from Christianity
I’m from the Raq
From rice and beans
From Cano and OG
I am from Pain and heartbreaks
Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb
