Issuu

by Dylan Torrez

The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive self-projection to author new life narratives.

Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.

While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.

This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.

From the Darkness to the Light

Dylan Torrez

I grew up in Chicago, Back of the Yards. What I saw growing up in the neighborhood was gun violence. People getting shot and killed in front of me. And what hurted me was my brother being the victim.

Seeing my brother's face after him getting shot. Made me emotional to see him come back for me when I slipped and fell on the ice, in front of the shooter. And I thank God and my Angels for watching over me. Because I didn’t get hit not once.

I replayed that moment in my head over and over again. And was making me angerer the more it replayed.

I tell myself what if I was dead and my brother had to see me like that? Probably would’ve been hard for him to live without trying to get revenge.

To see the worry in his face made me mad and upset. Because I knew he felt unsafe. And had to do sum about it, to make my family feel safe again.

I was even deeper in the streets, and thought that was the best way to go. Being young I wasn’t able to work to help my mother move us out that neighborhood.

Because my mother didn’t have the money to take us were it wasn’t gonna be no violence.

I was taking drugs to forget my problems.

And robbing to get my weapon to protect my family. And another reason for robbing so I’ll have money to sell drugs, so I'll eat. And get what I needed.

But that didn’t turn out well. Now I'm locked up at 16 now I'm 19 fighting for my life. But still happy to be alive and blessed.

I’ll have days when I feel alone, but it makes me happy to feel Allah's/God's presence. Giving me signs that I’ll be home soon.

And showing me that my prayers are being answered. Because I'm a strong and motivated man that’ll never be broken.

One thing about me was I’ll never hurt the weak or pray on them. I believe praying on the weak makes you a bad person.

When I turned 18 I hit the county. And was the youngest everywhere I went through the county. Inmates and C.O’s ask about my age alot. And their reason was because I looked young. And because of the way I’ll carry myself.

When I was 16 fighting first degree murder, It made me nun but stronger. Thinking bout my family, and asking myself would my mother still be around by the time I came out. It was eating me up, hearing my sister praying for me at the age of 4. And used my pain in raps.

It made me tear up, knowing my sister was too young to be having to worry that much about me. As time passed my baby sister would say when was I coming home? I’ll say “ soon princess I’ll be home okay.” And kept asking, after three years had passed.

Now I'm 19, she is still asking when I’ll be home this time I told her idk but I’ll be home again. She started to cry and told me she wanted me. It broke me to pieces to see her like that. But I couldn’t keep saying I’ll be home, knowing that idk when I’ll be home.

What I’ve learned while fighting murder at an early age was people I thought, was gonna be there for me, left when I was at my lowest. But when I just got locked up there was a handful of numbers, people gave to my family. Wanting to see how I was doing, but I noticed the reason was because they wanted to see when I was coming home. But as time pass numbers were disappearing in my hands.

Because they knew I wasn’t coming home anytime soon. And started making reasons why they weren't able to answer my calls. But I was never the type of person to show I cared about cutting sum-one off, no matter the situation I’m in. And really knew I had nobody. The crazy part was my homies were there for me more than most of my family members. The past relationship I had, she’ll always tell me my homies ain’t my friends, but was one of the first ones to leave. I'm just hoping that my homies will last till the end.

Being locked up hurted my mother, brother (Jose), my other brother (Niko), and also my two little sisters (Yaidelyn) and (Zuneily). And that's when I knew I didn't just hurt someone ' s family, but I also hurted my family for the poor decisions I made. I couldn’t do nun but blame myself for everything that was happening. But I notice as I grew up that wasn’t really my fault. Because I really had nobody to show me better and grew up with no father, to walk me through my pain.

Instead of being upset about it I used it as motivation, and always told myself “I don't need nobody to become who I want to be” and that is to be a business man and I also want to join the military. Being in jail I also have met great people like my lawyers Ali and Magrie also Jasmine who was a student of Ali's.

They chose to stick with me through my time showing me that I have their support as well as the others that Ali brought around the team. Everything I went through made me a man and taught me how to survive doing things like cooking, washing and creating different things that I need. This has also taught me how to control my emotions and not always act out and think before I make decisions, to be more respectful and righteous to others as well as myself. I want to get out and help the youth, starting a program for kids that grew up without a Father.

I feel that I can relate to them and understand what they may be going through, because I also had to grow up without a Father. I learned that you can understand better what someone is going through when you been through that person ’ s shoes before. I want to help as much as I can using my life experiences to share with youth so they won't make the same mistakes that I’ve made. I wish I had someone to give me the right advice like a father figure because what I been though in the streets left me traumatized.

I wasn't able to enjoy my teenage years how I wanted but I pray I make it out by the time I’m a young adult. I want to be able to see my baby sisters grow up and be a good big brother to them. I hope that my Mom doesn't leave this earth by the time I come home. This is one of my biggest reasons for wanting to help the youth because when you ’ re separated from your family and loved ones by the system for one mistake is difficult to endure. Sometimes you never know what people have suffered to end up the way we are and in the situations we ’ re in. I want to speak up for those people and do my best to make this world a better place.

Dylan Torrez

I Am From

I am from the back of the yards

From davis square park and the lady selling snacks, fruit and corn in the cup off her cart

I am from Mama’s house where 8 of us would feed the dog the food we didn't finish

I am from Puerto Rico and Mexico

Puerto Rico where the sand is white & the water is blue & Mexico where the music never sops

I’m from Marisol

From me and my Mom danced to all types of music

And from me learning from my Mother how to love others

I’m from America, Chi-raq

From Posole, tacos, & ochtha thats most popping

I am from being taught to not show weakness or you’ll be a victim

Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb