Control what can be outta reach

Quartez Dixon

The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive self-projection to author new life narratives.

Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.

While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.

This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.

Quartez Dixon

Summer 2019, never being able to complete or achieve my high school diploma due to fast money making.

Coming from Chicago Heights, a lot of opportunity is not the most frequent observation seen to the public eye.

Yet having an active father and grandfather in my life, and picking up those trades was a true blessing in disguise.

Being raised in two different states wasn’t bad because I had the chance of waking up with my Mom or Father, it just depended on where I was.

In Mississippi I was with my Mom and Grandpa. He taught me everything from carpentry, electrical, roofing and plumbing. One of the greatest headstarts I utilized.

But this one brother I met Shagggy BKA Richard Savory. This was my dawg my ace boon coon as they call it. Someone I definitely didn't see myself growing up without. Skipping over some of the typical teenage lifestyles like the first serious relationship, the first time infidelity incidents etc.

In Chicago Heights, my pops taught me everything else I know. I learned basically how to build a car and mike the prettiest girl. He even taught me everything about a commercial vehicle and prompted me to get my CDL. But we gon ’ take it back summer 2016……

Summer 2016 after leaving Mississippi for good I thought my troubles for poverty and wild neighborhoods was over with. man, man, man was I wrong!

Everything started out just fine, from the football team to the good grades and even the good meals my favorite Auntie Tanisha used to cook for us. The friends out here were always the same from the numerous trips and stays up here.

But this one brother I met, Shaggy AKA Richard Savory. This was my dawg, my ace boon coon as they call it. Someone I definitely didn't see myself growing up without. Skipping over some of the typical teenage lifestyles, like the first serious relationship, the first time infidelity incidents, etc.

we gon get right into the nitty-gritty. Over the summer of 2016, I met Shaggy through another homie from Texas who moved here a few years back.

Football camp was the first reason for us to kick it for real, since the mutual homie, but he became my brother. Passing time in the hallways of Rich East was always fun, seeing my dawg and hearing him yell my name from a distance.

Brodie was definitely in love with this one girl, his lady Kierra. Head over heels, I was happy for him. She would wear his jersey on game days with him. they were inseparable! Football season ends, here comes the cold, wintery Chicago Heights streets.

After football season, my coach advised that we stay active in the offseason. So I started wrestling! Shaggy was graduating this year, so he didn't do nothing but stretch the next notch out on his belt. I remember this day like it was yesterday. I could remember the outfit he had on.

Shaggy had on a red Nike fleece hoodie, the dark blue Nike joggers and some wheat Timbs. This particular morning, he was at the bus stop.

Up and ready, normally he was late on the bus, he was telling me to slide on em after school because he still had some birthday cake. I remember telling him I would after wrestling practice.

So I'm heading towards the bus when I’m met there by my cousin BG, he had this look on his face telling me that something was wrong. Then he laid it on me, his exact words didn’t affect me too crazy because he only said ‘’boa they just told me Shaggy got shot.” Me hearing that, I thought about Camron on Paid in Full, ‘’niggas get shot every day B.’’

Me not thinking the worst and wishful thinking. I made it home.

DT’s, red tape and other first responders were there.

I get on Facebook ‘’get well soon ’’ and “pull throughs” was all I seen.

Later that day, his sister told me he was brain-dead. That's when the sting after the smack came. Up until then, I was numb and naive. Two days later, they pulled the plug, and I was no good after that. I couldn't go to the candlelight because my pops wanted to keep an eye on me.

At the time, I didn't know if he was saving me or them, but it was for the best. He would take me and my cousin to Calumet City to get away from out there. Time went on, and I still felt like I’d be the next one to go, to be honest. The next summer, I tried football camp and made the team.

School wasn't the same without my brother. I fell below a 2.0 GPA, so I couldn't play, and I didn't care. I started becoming a no-show for school.

I got a job because I felt like I had to.

On top of that, I was introduced to a bopper of crack. A bopper is a common name for an eightball. School just became the last thing I wanted to do. So one thing led to another. I became a bigger hustler and a high school dropout. At the same time, I couldn't fathom the idea that another human being altered my life this drastically. I never experienced death this close.

I became humble and more understanding of how cold this world is. So I fell back, not wanting to take another L in this lifetime. I started me a family after me and my childhood crush hit it off. Not to mention the rollercoaster she endured after her brother's passing and moving to Atlanta. Two handsome little boys later, and some more of my bullshit just to get in the way of our lifestyle. After being in Atlanta for two years, I ended up coming back to the Windy City.

It seemed to show me before things went left that it was a reason I left in the first place, but I ignored the inconveniences. Too late for the acknowledgements now, I'm being tried for some life threatening charges. A year and a half into my first ever bid I done experienced enough for a weak-minded soul to have committed suicide two or three times. From the family you put on your back, turning their back on you and counting you out.

To the judges and state attorney, making you look like a complete monster, with you having little to nothing to say about the matter. To be honest, that part was expected, they’re just doing their job, I guess.

5/15/25 was a rough day for me. I lost my first cousin from gun violence. 7/5/25 I lost my other cousin but this one I had a different attachment to.

I couldn't attend either of their funerals.

That was like reopening a cut and putting salt in it. These deaths were completely different from Shaggy’s. I didn't think it would be any different, but it definitely is when it's your aunts and cousins feeling this pain with you.

The only good news I’ve heard was the day after my second cousin's death was my uncle Terrance coming home after a 14-year prison sentence. I haven't seen him since 2013 on a visit in MDDOC.

Looking back at the times there's nothing I have to regret, but the way my kids view me as their superhero.

In this life the only thing you can control is your energy and self control. Anything else FORGET ABOUT IT!

I Am From

Quartez Dixon

I am from EastGate and Carver circle

From icy cups and teapots

I am from one fight we all fight

I am from tree climbing trees with cuz nem

I am from Edna Mae Buntyn and Eddie Lee Moore

From the best cooking and the best conversations

And from the best lessons and the best laugh

I’m from what’s done in the dark gone come to the light

And from stay a child as long as you can

I’m from Christianity to Atheist back to Christianity

I’m from Greenville, Mississippi

Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb