Peggy Sue
I disappeared on the night before my twelfth birthday. July 28 1988. Only now can I at last tell the whole extraordinary story, the true story. Kensuke made me promise that I would say nothing, nothing at all, until at least ten years had passed. It was almost the last thing he said to me. I promised, and because of that I
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have had to live out a lie. I could let sleeping lies sleep on, but more than ten years have passed now. I have done school, done college, and had time to think. I owe it to my family and to my friends, all of whom I have deceived for so long, to tell the truth about my long disappearance, about how I lived to come back from the dead.
But there is another reason for speaking out now, a far, far better reason. Kensuke was a great man, a good man, and he was my friend. I want the world to know him as I knew him.
Until I was nearly eleven, until the letter came, life was just normal. There were the four of us in the house: my mother, my father, me and Stella ā Stella Artois, that is, my-one-ear up and one-ear-down black and white sheepdog, who always seemed to know what was about to happen before it did. But even she could not have foreseen how that letter was going to change our lives for ever.
Thinking back, there was a regularity, a sameness about my early childhood. It was down the road each morning to āthe monkey schoolā. My father called it
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that because he said the children gibbered and screeched and hung upside down on the climbingframe in the playground. And, anyway, I was always āmonkey faceāto him ā when he was in a playful mood, that is, which he often was. The school was really called St Josephās, and I was happy there, for most of the time, anyway. After school everyday, whatever the weather, Iād be off down to the recreation ground for football with Eddie Dodds, my best friend in all the world, and Matt and Bobby and the others. It was muddy down there. Cross the ball and it would just land and stick. We had our own team, the Mudlarks we called ourselves, and we were good, too. Visiting teams seemed to expect the ball to bounce for some reason, and by the time they realised it didnāt, we were often two or three goals up. We werenāt so good away from home. Every weekend I did a paper round from Mr Patelās shop on the corner. I was saving up for a mountain bike. I wanted to go mountain biking up on the moors with Eddie. The trouble was, I would keep spending what Iād saved. Iām still the same that way. Sundays were always special, I remember. Weād go dinghy sailing, all of us, on the reservoir, Stella
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Artois barking her head off at the other boats as if theyād no right to be there. My father loved it, he said, because the air was clear and clean, no brick dust ā he worked down at the brickworks. He was a great do-ityourself fanatic. There was nothing he couldnāt fix, even if it didnāt need fixing. So he was in his element on a boat. My mother, who worked part time in the office at the same brickworks, revelled in it, too. I remember her once, throwing back her head in the wind and breathing in deep as she sat at the tiller. āThis is it,āshe cried. āThis is how life is supposed to be. Wonderful, just wonderful.āShe always wore the blue cap. She was the undisputed skipper. If there was a breeze out there, sheād find it and catch it. She had a real nose for it. We had some great days on the water. Weād go out when it was rough, when no one else would, and weād go skimming over the waves, exhilarating in the speed of it, in the sheer joy of it. And if there wasnāt a breath of wind, we didnāt mind that either. Sometimes weād be the only boat on the whole reservoir. Weād just sit and fish instead ā by the way, I was better at fishing than either of them ā and Stella Artois would be curled
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up behind us in the boat, bored with the whole thing, because there was no one to bark at.
Then the letter arrived. Stella Artois savaged it as it came through the letterbox. There were puncture holes in it and it was damp, but we could read enough. The brickworks were going to close down. They were both being made redundant.
There was a terrible silence at the breakfast table that morning. After that we never went sailing on Sundays any more. I didnāt have to ask why not. They both tried to find other jobs, but there was nothing.
A creeping misery came over the house. Sometimes Iād come home and they just wouldnāt be speaking. Theyād argue a lot, about little niggly things ā and they had never been like that. My father stopped fixing things around the house. He was scarcely ever home anyway. If he wasnāt looking for a job, heād be down in the pub. When he was home heād just sit there flicking through endless yachting magazines and saying nothing.
I tried to stay out of the house and play football as much as I could, but then Eddie moved away because his father had found a job somewhere down south.
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Football just wasnāt the same without him. The Mudlarks disbanded. Everything was falling apart.
Then one Saturday I came home from my paper round and found my mother sitting at the bottom of the stairs and crying. Sheād always been so strong. Iād never seen her like this before.
āSilly beggar,āshe said. āYour dadās a silly beggar, Michael, thatās what he is.ā
āWhatās he done?āI asked her.
āHeās gone off,āshe told me, and I thought she meant for good. āHe wouldnāt hear reason, oh no. Heās had this idea, he says. He wouldnāt tell me what it was, only that heās sold the car, that weāre moving south, and heās going to find us a place.āI was relieved, and quite pleased, really. South must be nearer to Eddie. She went on: āIf he thinks Iām leaving this house, then Iām telling you heās got another think coming.ā
āWhy not?āI said. āNot much here.ā
āWell thereās the house, for a start. Then thereās Gran, and thereās school.ā
āThereās other schools,āI told her. She became steaming angry then, angrier than Iād ever known her. āYou want to know what was the last straw?āshe
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said. āIt was you, Michael, you going off on your paper round this morning. You know what your dad said? Well, Iāll tell you, shall I? āDo you know something?ā he says. āThereās only one lousy wage coming into this house ā Michaelās paper money. How do you think that makes me feel, eh? My sonās eleven years old. Heās got a job, and I havenāt.ā ā
She steadied herself for a moment or two before she went on, her eyes filled with fierce tears. āIām not moving, Michael. I was born here. And Iām not going. No matter what he says, Iām not leaving.ā
I was there when the phone call came a week or so later. I knew it was my father. My mother said very little, so I couldnāt understand what was going on, not until she sat me down afterwards and told me.
āHe sounds different, Michael. I mean, like his old self, like his very old self, like he used to be when I first knew him. Heās found us a place. āJust pack your stuff and come,ā he says. Fareham. Somewhere near Southampton. āRight on the sea,ā he says. Thereās something very different about him, Iām telling you.ā
My father did indeed seem a changed man. He was waiting for us when we got off the train, all bright-
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eyed again and full of laughter. He helped us with the cases. āItās not far,āhe said, ruffling my hair. āYou wait till you see it, monkey face. Iāve got it all sorted, the whole thing. And itās no good you trying to talk me out of it, either of you. Iāve made up my mind.ā
āWhat about?āI asked him. āYouāll see,āhe said.
Stella Artois bounded along ahead of us, her tail held high and happy. We all felt like that, I think.
In the end we caught a bus because the cases were too heavy. When we got off we were right by the sea. There didnāt seem to be any houses anywhere, just a yachting marina.
āWhat are we doing here?āmy mother asked. āThereās someone I want you to meet. A good friend of mine. Sheās called Peggy Sue. Sheās been looking forward to meeting you. Iāve told her all about you.ā
My mother frowned at me in puzzlement. I wasnāt any the wiser either. All I knew for certain was that he was being deliberately mysterious. We struggled on with our suitcases, the gulls crying overhead, the yacht masts clapping around us,
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and Stella yapping at all of it, until at last he stopped right by a gang plank that led up to a gleaming dark blue yacht. He put the cases down and turned to face us. He was grinning from ear to ear. āHere she is,āhe said. āLet me introduce you. This is the Peggy Sue. Our new home. Well?ā
Considering everything, my mother took it pretty well. She didnāt shout at him. She just went very quiet, and she stayed quiet all through his explanation down in the galley over a cup of tea.
āIt wasnāt a spur of the moment thing, you know. Iāve been thinking about it a long time, all those years working in the factory. All right, maybe I was just dreaming about it in those days. Funny when you think about it: if I hadnāt lost my job, Iād never have dared do it, not in a million years.āHe knew he wasnāt making much sense. āAll right, then. Hereās what I thought. What is it that we all love doing most? Sailing, right? Wouldnāt it be wonderful, I thought, if we could just take off and sail around the world? Thereās people whoāve done it. Blue water sailing, they call it. Iāve read about it in the magazines. āLike I said, it was just a dream to start with. And
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then, no job and no chance of a job. What did the man say? Get on your bike. So why not a boat? Weāve got our redundancy money, what little there was of it. Thereās a bit saved up, and the car money. Not a fortune, but enough. What to do with it? I could put it all in the bank, like the others did. But what for? Just to watch it dribble away till there was nothing left? Or, I thought, or I could do something really special with it, a oncein-a-lifetime thing: we could sail around the world. Africa. South America. Australia. The Pacific. We could see places weāve only ever dreamed of.ā
We sat there completely dumbstruck. āOh, I know what youāre thinking,āhe went on. āYouāre thinking, all weāve ever done is reservoir sailing, dinghy sailing. Youāre thinking, heās gone crazy, loopy in the head. Youāre thinking, itās dangerous. Youāre thinking, weāll be flat broke. But Iāve thought it all out. I even thought of your gran ā thereās a thing. We wonāt be gone for ever, will we? Sheāll be here when we get back, wonāt she? Sheās perfectly healthy. āWeāve got the money. Iāve done my sums. Weāre going to do six monthsātraining. Weāll be away a year, eighteen months maybe, just so long as the money lasts.
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Weāre going to do it safe, do it properly. Mum, youāll do your Yachtmasterās certificate. Oh, didnāt I say? I didnāt did I? Youāll be the skipper, Mum. Iāll be first mate and handyman. Michael, youāll be shipās boy, and Stella āwell Stella can be the shipās cat.āHe was full of it, breathless with excitement. āWeāll train ourselves up. Do a few trips across the channel to France, maybe over to Ireland. Weāll get to know this boat like sheās one of us. Sheās a forty-two foot. Bowman, best make, best design. Safest there is. Iāve done my homework. Six monthsātime and weāll be off round the world. Itāll be the adventure of a lifetime. Our one chance. Weāll never get another one. What do you think then?ā
āEx . . . cell . . . ent,āI breathed, and that was exactly what I thought.
āAnd Iāll be skipper, you say?āmy mother asked. āAye aye, Capān,āand my father laughed and gave her a mock salute.
āWhat about Michaelās school?āshe went on.
āIāve thought of that, too. I asked in the local school down here. Itās all arranged. Weāll take all the books heāll need. Iāll teach him. Youāll teach him. Heāll teach himself. Iāll tell you something for nothing, heāll
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learn more in a couple of years at sea, than he ever would in that monkey school of his. Promise.ā
She took a sip of tea, and then nodded slowly. āAll right,āshe said, and I saw she was smiling. āWhy not? Go ahead then. Buy her. Buy the boat.ā
āI already have,āsaid my father.
Of course it was madness. They knew it, even I knew it, but it simply didnāt matter. Thinking back, it must have been a kind of inspiration driven by desperation. Everyone warned us against it. Gran came visiting and stayed on board. It was all quite ridiculous she said, reckless, irresponsible. She was full of doom and gloom. Icebergs, hurricanes, pirates, whales, supertankers, freak waves ā she heaped up horror upon horror, thinking to frighten me and so frighten off my mother and father. She succeeded in terrifying me all right, but I never showed it. What she didnāt understand was that we three were already bound together now by a common lunacy. We were going, and nothing and no one could stop us. We were doing what people do in fairytales. We were going off to seek adventure.
To begin with it all happened much as my father
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had planned it, except that the training took a lot longer. We soon learned that handling a forty-two foot yacht was not just dinghy sailing in a bigger boat. We were tutored by a whiskered old mariner from the yacht club, Bill Parker (āBarnacle Billāwe called him, but not to his face, of course). He had been twice round Cape Horn and done two single-handed Atlantic crossings, and heād been across the channel āmore times than youāve had hot dinners, my ladā.
To tell the truth, we none of us liked him much. He was a hard taskmaster. He treated me and Stella Artois with equal disdain. To him all animals and children were just a nuisance and, on board ship, nothing but a liability. So I kept out of his way as much as I could, and so did Stella Artois.
To be fair to him, Barnacle Bill did know his business. By the time he had finished with us, and my mother was given her certificate, we felt we could sail the Peggy Sue anywhere. He had inculcated in us a healthy respect for the sea but, at the same time, we were confident we could handle just about anything the sea could hurl at us.
Mind you, there were times I was scared rigid.
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My father and I shared our terror together, silently. You canāt pretend, I learned, with a towering green wall of sea twenty feet high bearing down on you. We went down in troughs so deep we never thought we could possibly climb out again. But we did, and the more we rode our terror, rode the waves, the more we felt sure of ourselves and of the boat around us.
My mother, though, never showed even the faintest tremor of fear. It was her and the Peggy Sue between them that saw us through our worst moments. She was seasick from time to time, and we never were. So that was something. We lived close, all of us, cheek by jowl, and I soon discovered parents were more than just parents. My father became my friend, my shipmate. We came to rely on each other. And as for my mother, the truth is āand I admit it ā that I didnāt know she had it in her. I always known she was gritty, that sheād always keep on at a thing until sheād done it. But she worked night and day over her books and charts until she had mastered everything. She never stopped. True, she could be a bit of a tyrant if we didnāt keep the boat shipshape, but neither my father nor I minded that much, though we
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pretended to. She was the skipper. She was going to take us round the world and back again. We had absolute confidence in her. We were proud of her. She was just brilliant. And, I have to say, the shipās boy and the first mate were pretty brilliant too on the winches, at the helm, and dab hands with the baked beans in the galley. We were a great team.
So, on September 10, 1987 ā I know the date because I have the shipās log in front of me as I write ā with every nook and cranny loaded with stores and provisions, we were at last ready to set sail on our grand adventure, our great odyssey.
Gran was there to wave us off, tearfully. In the end she even wanted to come with us, to visit Australia āsheād always wanted to see koalas in the wild. There were lots of our friends there too, including Barnacle Bill. Eddie Dodds came along with his father. He threw me a football as we cast off. āLucky mascot,āhe shouted. When I looked down at it later I saw heād signed his name all over it like a World Cup star.
Stella Artois barked her farewells at them, and at every boat we passed in the Solent. But as we were sailing out past the Isle of Wight she fell strangely
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quiet. Maybe she sensed, as we did, that there was no turning back now. This was not a dream. We were off round the world. It was real, really real.