The Waiting Game The Waiting Game
Evangeline’s story
Bairns Hoose
When a child is a victim of a crime or witness to it, the Children First Bairns Hoose team is here to help them and their family. The team provides support around what will happen next and to recover from any experience that may have caused hurt or harm.
In 2023 Children First opened Scotland’s first Bairns Hoose in the West of Scotland to reduce the trauma children can experience through the justice system.
Today we support children and families in a number of Bairns Hooses across Scotland, alongside our local partners. We are now working with local partners to support the development of Bairns Hoose across Scotland.
Find out more at www.childrenfirst.org.uk/bairnshoose
The Waiting Game
Hi, my name is Evangeline, I am a 17-year-old girl and the youngest in my family.
And this is my story…
When I was 15, I got into a relationship with a boy from school. He was a sweetheart, and his family loved me. The first month of the relationship was good and everything seemed fine. That was until I noticed a change in him, he was not the person I first met.
He wanted, well more like needed to be with me 24/7, needed to know where I was and what I was doing when I was not by his side. I assumed this behaviour was normal and ignored it.
Eventually over time this clingy behaviour turned into control and manipulation. He would control who I spoke to, what I wore, how I spent my free time, where I went and what I did. It got so bad I was not allowed to go home, spend time with my family or his and could not even use the bathroom without the door being unlocked and him guarding it like I was some kind of prisoner. I felt trapped.
When I went up against him, he would say things like “I am doing this because I care,” and “If you actually love me, you will,” or even “You obviously don’t love me.” This was just the start of six months of hell.
As time went on, his behaviour got worse, and I endured mental, verbal, physical and even sexual abuse. I started to lose myself, mentally and physically. The bonds between me and my own family broke because of him.
I was terrified, I did not know what to do. There were multiple times my life was threatened by him. I had been thinking about
ending my life. There was one occasion where I was really low, and I had a bad accident with self-harm.
By then, about seven months in, I wanted out of the relationship. I had experienced things that had made a devastating impact on me.
I had read and watched shows about people like him, but I had never thought that I would ever be face-to-face with such a person. I could not keep hiding what was going on, so eventually after breaking down in front of my mum, I told her I was not safe with him anymore and she supported me to get out of the relationship.
But that was not the end of my troubles…
Chapter One
The Disclosure
After the breakup, I had started hinting to my school counsellor that during the relationship, I had been sexually abused multiple times. Not long after that, during a heated argument, I told some of my family that I had been sexually abused by my ex-boyfriend and that he had raped me. After finding out, both my family and the school encouraged me to report this to the police.
I was hesitant at first as I did not want to make more trouble for myself, especially if my ex found out I had reported him.
But after thinking about it for a while I agreed, I could not let this slide and my main reason for reporting it was to keep other young girls safe from him. I do not think I could live with myself if someone else went through any of the stuff I had.
The school contacted the police and set up an in-school safety plan for me so that I could avoid seeing him as much as possible because he was at school with me. The next thing I knew I was taken out of class by a member of staff and taken to a small room where two police officers were.
I was asked a few questions about what I was disclosing. The police officers explained that one of them would oversee my case if it was taken further. Both police officers were friendly and understanding and I felt at ease. Afterwards I was sent back to class with their phone numbers, and I had to carry on with the rest of my day like nothing had happened.
Noone at school knew anything about it, so I found it quite difficult when asked about why I was out of class and why I was acting strange.
Chapter Two
The Wait
Not long after my first meeting with the police, I was asked to go to the police station for a joint investigative interview, during the first few weeks of the summer holidays.
My mum came with me that day, but I was still scared. When me and my mum arrived, we were stuck outside in the cold for around 20 minutes as we were unable to get into the building, but eventually a delivery driver came and let us in. I was relieved just to get inside the building. But the wait did not end there.
After searching for a form of life in the building we explained to a police officer why we were there. The officer then said he would inform their colleague that was handling the interview. Half an hour later, the officer dealing with my interview came through to where we were. But they were not the police officer I had met at my first interview, so I panicked. She explained things had changed and she would handle my case instead.
This threw me off and I began to feel even more nervous than I was before. They should have told me about the change beforehand. At the first meeting with the police at my school they promised that any changes would be explained to me in advance and there would be an introduction to the new officer. But there was not.
I thought the interview would start soon…. but no. The officer said things were not set up yet, even though we had been at the station for almost an hour after the agreed time. This made both me and my mum annoyed, I wanted to get this over and done with but was forced to wait for another 20 minutes.
All this waiting was making me more anxious and stressed. I started to wish I had never reported anything.
Chapter Three
The Interrogation
After all the waiting was done, I was taken into a tiny room with plain white walls and a table with a few chairs. It looked like a jail cell and I felt extremely uncomfortable. The officer and a social worker explained the process of what was going to happen during the interview and how the recording and video of it would be used if this progressed to court.
From the very beginning, the officer jumped straight in with very graphic questions which I found extremely difficult to talk about. The officer also didn’t give me much time to answer before throwing another question at me.
I was struggling but tried to answer the questions as best I could even though I was remembering details and events that made me feel worse. I was trying to process horrible things that had happened to me and answer specific questions - it was very hard for me.
Eventually the questions got easier, but I was not any more comfortable than I was before. The interview lasted around three hours. I was not offered a break, so I was exhausted.
I kept going round in circles stating the same details over and over again. There were so many follow up questions that I started to lose hope, I felt like they didn’t believe me and it broke me. If anybody could have heard what I was saying they would’ve believed me.
Nobody is crazy enough to make up such graphic details. Right? Was I crazy? I was desperate to get out of that room. I wanted to go home. It wasn’t an interview - it was an interrogation of the victim.
This was why I was hesitant to report what had happened to me to the police in the first place.
Chapter Four
The Waiting Room
When the interview was finally over, I was taken back to the waiting room where my mum was. But she wasn’t there. She had been taken into a room with another officer to make a statement, but nobody had told me that.
I didn’t even know they were going to speak to my mum. I was then left alone in the waiting room for 30 minutes. I felt alone and trapped.
I wanted my mum to be here with me. Eventually the door opened, I turned around…mum? No, it was one of the people from my interview, they needed to speak to me again.
They had forgotten to ask some important questions. I was taken into the ‘jail cell’ again and was questioned for another 45 minutes. At last, I was taken back to the waiting room where my mum was.
We finally left and I explained to my mum that I felt even more traumatised than before we came. Prior to the interview my mum had requested a third anonymous person to be in my interview for support to oversee things and make sure I was ok, but the police had said no.
This was a breach of my rights and I felt that if I had had that other person, I wouldn’t have felt so uncomfortable and traumatised. We had planned to see a movie after my joint interview but because of all the waiting we couldn’t.
I wanted to just go back home, so we did. I was drained.
Chapter Five
The Evidence
After the ‘interrogation’ I was told that my case would be looked into and I sent over some substantial evidence, but for some reason this wasn’t useful to the police.
The evidence was some threatening messages I received from a friend of his after the breakup. I was shocked that it had intricate details which nobody knew about in it.
This meant he had told someone about what happened during our relationship and admitting to the multiple forms of abuse that I suffered.
The message referred to my ‘accusation’ of abuse, which fuelled our breakup. But it also mentioned the term ‘baby trap’, which means to try and forcibly get a person pregnant - this term alluded to the sexual abuse I had endured.
I received these messages before I had disclosed the sexual abuse and threats to my life to the police.
To me they screamed – he’s confessed - but the police couldn’t see that. It was the only evidence I had. It wasn’t the best, but it was something. If I had disclosed sooner, I would have had the DNA evidence, the bruises and maybe some solid evidence other than my own word and recollection.
The next few weeks included waiting and waiting, I was told they would keep me updated so I had no problem waiting… until there were no updates… nothing.
It was a brick wall between me and the police, and I couldn’t climb it. Eventually it got too much, so I contacted the police asking for any sign of progress. My plea was met with the most pathetic excuse. “Sorry, the officer on your case is on holiday.”
Seriously, I was losing hope, why didn’t they tell me? Can’t someone else take the case while the officer is away? The police gave me the impression that my case wasn’t that important. But I didn’t give up! I kept reaching out for any information they had, but the responses I got were not helpful.
The Arrest
After weeks of pointless emails, to no surprise my mental health quickly deteriorated. I was falling deeper and deeper into a black hole each day. After informing the school of the lack of communication and progress they emailed the police themselves. My school was outraged at the way things were going and were very concerned about my wellbeing.
My mood and behaviour was deteriorating along with my academic efforts and results. I was struggling with self-harm and had attempted suicide when I was at my lowest point.
Not long after the school had got in touch with the police I was informed that my ex had been arrested and taken to the police station… I was overjoyed! I had done it, the door to justice had opened… but was soon slammed in my face again.
He had been arrested but was released. He was unable to be questioned without a lawyer because of his age and his lawyer refused to sit in… so he was released and I was back at square one.
In my gut, I had a feeling that my case would get closed and I had decided that if it did I would give up completely, with everyone. How could I live with him free and out there?
In Ten Years Time
After a while I started to feel better, and my wellbeing improved, but then everything came crashing to the ground. I was on holiday with my family at the time when I got an email saying the police wanted to talk to me and would call at some point.
I waited nervously for the call, fearing the absolute worst. Then my phone rang and the police told me they were closing my case but that it might be reopened in ten years’ time if there was any developments. My heart completely shattered.
I knew this would happen but I had hoped that it wouldn’t. I responded calmly and politely and hung up. From that moment I completely broke down, locking myself in a bathroom and crying. Ten years! I will have moved on!
There was no apology from the police, they didn’t care that my world was ending. And even worse over the phone, not even in person. I had to just let the news sink in and move on. How? I quickly spiralled and gave up, my family banged on the door pleading with me to open it.
My screams echoed, they tried to reassure me, but I ignored it. They weren’t in my shoes, they weren’t falling apart like I was. I had completely given up.
What I have been through has destroyed me and left a deep scar that will take a long time to heal. I have left school now but still see my ex everywhere I go. Unfortunately, even after a year I don’t feel safe alone in the streets and I wish the police could have given me some comfort and helped me to feel safe but sadly that’s not the case.
Luckily I am able to tell my story today. I went through all this so that others don’t have to. The system needs to change and I hope my story is enough to ignite the flame of change in people.
Where I am now
It has now been a year since I went to the police and I am proud to say I have kept growing in more ways than one. This past year has been hard, the pain and disappointment I had felt a year ago still lingers.
Some days I feel like I’m getting better and sometimes I feel like I’m back at the start. I struggle with severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and dissociation issues. I suffer from nightmares and flashbacks and extreme paranoia.
However, not everything is falling apart, I am in a happy relationship now and I have a weekend job at my local bakery. I also volunteer in a charity shop nearby. I am trying to live my life the best I can.
A few months ago, I also got involved with the Children First Bairns Hoose team. They help young people through legal stuff and offer support to those who have endured serious trauma. All I can say is I am so glad to have them, they are really welcoming and I have bonded well with my support worker.
I don’t feel like I am talking to a professional at all, I feel at home and feel like I am talking to a friend. They are really good listeners and some other young people’s work with them inspired me to write this story.
A year ago, I had no confidence and no hope. Now, I feel proud of myself. I’ve found purpose, and I’m doing amazing things with Bairns Hoose by my side.
Bairns Hoose is so important because it gives young people a voice and a safe space. It’s more than just support - it’s someone walking beside you through the hardest times. It’s a second home, a safety blanket, and a reminder that you’re never alone.
I want to help make a change and help other young people by getting my story out there. I am also excited to say that I have also written a song and I hope to show it to the world.
So, I am dedicating this story to Bairns Hoose and all the young people out there that are being failed by the system and are trapped in situations that they shouldn’t be in.
I hear their cries, and I hope that soon the people that need to hear our voices, listen to us and do something. At the end of the day we are just children, not just names on a piece of paper or irrelevant voices.
If you are reading this story I am begging you, don’t just sit back and do nothing. Please don’t stop fighting for change. If you have been through something similar, and if you are able to tell somebody then don’t be afraid to tell your story.
Everyone at Children First would like to thank Evangeline for bravely sharing her story.
If you are a child or young person who needs help you can call Childline on 0800 1111.
If you are a parent or carer worried about a child, please call Children First’s support line on 08000 28 22 33 or go to www.childrenfirst.org.uk to start a webchat and for more information.
Scan here for more information about Bairns Hoose.
