Christoph
Ja, I would have to sey Dan. Ach, he reminds me so of ze Saint Nick…but let’s say in ze darkest timeline.After each of our meetzings he leaves digusting, low-budget malt liquor beverage bottles like Colt 45 bottles (Who even drinks that shit?) and cigarette ash under ze desk of my office. God, It’z worse than coal. Thats no fuckin gift anyone wants…unless you want ze gift of lung cancer and a slow death. Also, Dan, didn’t I see you on ze roof of Ed’s residence?!
Audri
Pfft.. Christoph thinks Dan is like Santa?! Christoph is definitely more like Santa. I bet he keeps a drawer full of half-assed Cultural Traditions 5-page paper drafts and a spreadsheet of who’s been naughty or nice based on their drafts and if they read the material for class. Plus, I’ve seen him drink milk and eat cookies on lunch break, and anyone who drinks milk from those sweet and innocent little moo moo’s and eats those half burnt discs of sugar and chicken exploitation are AUTOMATICALLY EVIL!!!!! $@^$!
Dan
I don’t know, and who cares? But I’ll tell you this…Some people say that on the 25th of December, I sneak into people's houses come by coming through the chimney, checking on all the little girls and boys to see if they've been naughty, say “Ho Ho Ho”, but not the other kind of “Ho”, and give presents (preferably coal and cold Colt 45’s) to all the little degenerate kiddos, but I don't know what they're talking about… I'm just a professor with a white beard who makes poop jokes… now that I think about it, coal does look like very dark poop… Oh shit… hmmm. Oh uh what was the question again?
What the hell did I just read? Well, if “just” was anywhere from 1993 to last month, you read the official student satire publication of the Pierre Laclede Honors College student body. If “just” means right now, you have read the UNAUTHORIZED student satire publication of Honors College students. Let us make this clear: Brain Stew is NOT supported by UMSL, PLHCSA, PLHC, Baby Jesus, or ANYONE, except the miscreants who write this stuff and the degenerates who read it and think it’s funny. If you’re not one of those groups, why are you even still reading lsdjlfkjasd;lfjlskk
