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What to do about the oil and gas industry’s 60,000 miles of pipe bombs under our communities by Joel Dyer


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contents NEWS:

What to do about the oil and gas industry’s 60,000 miles of pipe bombs under our communities and homes by Joel Dyer

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....................................................................... NEWS:

ICE detains, then releases, sanctuaryseeker who had been notified he was not a deportation priority by Matt Cortina

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Most U.S. wildfires started by humans by Tim Radford

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Isn’t it about time restaurants evicted the loudest little diners? by John Lehndorff

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departments

31 37 38 39 41 49 53 55 57 59 60

5 THE HIGHROAD: How (and why) to keep the Postal Service public 6 THE ANDERSON FILES: Laugh, don’t fight 6 LETTERS: Signed, sealed, delivered, your views 27 OVERTONES: Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony is the culmination of BCO’s 13th season BOULDER COUNTY EVENTS: What to do and where to go POETRY: by Lucia Cherciu SCREEN: ‘The Circle’ is full of confusing messages FILM: ‘Citizen Jane’ and the battle for the soul of New York DEEP DISH: Mr. Sake knows a thing or two about spicy tuna DRINK: Tour de Brew: Walnut Brewery ASTROLOGY: by Rob Brezsny S AVAGE LOVE: Savage answers from Revolution Hall WEED BETWEEN THE LINES: The frying pan and the egg CANNABIS CORNER: Opioids: Where’s the outrage? (Glad you asked) IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: An irreverent view of the world

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Publisher, Stewart Sallo Associate Publisher, Fran Zankowski Director of Operations/Controller, Benecia Beyer Circulation Manager, Cal Winn EDITORIAL Editor, Joel Dyer Senior Editors, Angela K. Evans, Matt Cortina Entertainment Editor, Amanda Moutinho Special Editions Editor, Caitlin Rockett Contributing Writers: John Lehndorff, Peter Alexander, Dave Anderson, Rob Brezsny, Michael J. Casey, Gavin Dahl, Paul Danish, James Dziezynski, Sarah Haas, Jim Hightower, Dave Kirby, Michael Krumholtz, Brian Palmer, Leland Rucker, Dan Savage, Alan Sculley, Ryan Syrek, Gregory Thorson, Christi Turner, Tom Winter, Gary Zeidner, Mollie Putzig, Mariah Taylor, Betsy Welch, Noël Phillips, Carolyn Oxley, Emma Murray Interns, Billy Singleton, Carolyn Davidson, Preston Bryant, Ayako Itoi, Ximena Leyte SALES AND MARKETING Retail Sales Manager, Allen Carmichael Senior Account Executive, David Hasson Account Executive, Julian Bourke Inside/Outside Account Executive, Andrea Ralston Market Development Manager, Kellie Robinson Marketing Manager, Devin Edgley Mrs. Boulder Weekly, Mari Nevar PRODUCTION Production Manager, Dave Kirby Art Director, Susan France Graphic Designer, Mark Goodman Assistant to the Publisher Julia Sallo Office Manager Lina Papastergiou CIRCULATION TEAM Dave Hastie, Dan Hill, George LaRoe, Jeffrey Lohrius, Elizabeth Ouslie, Rick Slama 17-Year-Old, Mia Rose Sallo

May 4, 2017 Volume XXIV, Number 39 As Boulder County's only independently owned newspaper, Boulder Weekly is dedicated to illuminating truth, advancing justice and protecting the First Amendment through ethical, no-holdsbarred journalism and thought-provoking opinion writing. Free every Thursday since 1993, the Weekly also offers the county's most comprehensive arts and entertainment coverage. Read the print version, or visit www.boulderweekly.com. Boulder Weekly does not accept unsolicited editorial submissions. If you're interested in writing for the paper, please send queries to: editorial@boulderweekly.com. Any materials sent to Boulder Weekly become the property of the newspaper. 690 South Lashley Lane, Boulder, CO, 80305 p 303.494.5511 f 303.494.2585 editorial@boulderweekly.com www.boulderweekly.com Boulder Weekly is published every Thursday. No portion may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher. © 2016 Boulder Weekly, Inc., all rights reserved.

Boulder Weekly welcomes your correspondence via email (letters@ boulderweekly.com) or the comments section of our website at www.boulderweekly.com. Preference will be given to short letters (under 300 words) that deal with recent stories or local issues, and letters may be edited for style, length and libel. Letters should include your name, address and telephone number for verification. We do not publish anonymous letters or those signed with pseudonyms. Letters become the property of Boulder Weekly and will be published on our website.

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For more information on Jim Hightower’s work — and to subscribe to his award-winning monthly newsletter, The Hightower Lowdown — visit www.jimhightower.com.

the

Highroad How (and why) to keep the Postal Service public by Jim Hightower

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half-dollar hardly counts as money these days — it won’t even buy a cup of coffee! But... pssssst... here’s an amazing half-dollar bargain for you: A first-class postage stamp. For 50 cents, you get the stamp, 3 cents in change, and America’s phenomenal network of post office workers and letter carriers who’ll deliver your missive into any of the 43,000 zip codes

of this vast country. Our public Postal Service literally delivers and many of our post offices serve as treasured community centers — two reasons that the U.S. mail service consistently ranks highest of all federal agencies in public support. So, naturally, it must be decimated and ultimately eliminated. That’s what passes for logic in the back rooms of Congress and in the boardrooms of predatory corporations that want to take control of our mail for their profit. They keep demonizing anything public — especially any public service that actually works and is popular — because the corporate powers and the Congress critters they buy in bulk ultimately intend to privatize all of the People’s government. To advance their plutocratic vision, they’re out to tarnish the Postal

Service as a massive, money-sucking, dying, bureaucratic behemoth. But here are a few facts they don’t want you to realize: One, this public agency provides affordable mail service to all, in poor communities as well as rich; two, it does this without a dime of taxpayer money, financing its entire operation with the sale of stamps and services; and three, it provides hundreds-of-thousands of solid middleclass jobs spread throughout every zip code. To help keep this public jewel out of the hands of a few greed-headed, price-gouging, low-wage, tax-dodging corporations, support “A Grand Alliance To Save Our Public Post Offices.” Find it at www. AGrandAlliance.org. This opinion column does not necessarily reflect the views of Boulder Weekly. May 4 , 2017 5


the anderson files Laugh, don’t fight by Dave Anderson

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n April 15, a distinctly disturbing event took place in Berkeley, California. Several hundred proto-fascists gathered in a downtown park. They were armed and itching for a fight. Most of them were from out of town and many from all over the country. This was a pro-Trump Patriots’ Day rally for “free speech” organized online by a far right alliance of white supremacist/nationalist, alt-right, antifeminist, neo-Nazi and militia groups. They wore motorcycle helmets, ski goggles, gloves and carried weapons. Many wore masks. Quite a few performed the Nazi salute. Mother Jones reporter Shane Bauer said it seemed like many had only known each other on social media and were meeting in person for the first time. He overheard discussion and debate of obscure far right positions. A man carried a sign saying “Da Goyim Know” which refers to a popular alt-right internet meme about how powerful Jews control everything and silence the critics who expose them. They wanted revenge for an earlier event on the University of California campus. In February, a small group of rock-throwing masked Black Bloc leftists had forced the cancellation of a speech by Breitbart editor Milo Yiannopoulos. On April 15, the far rightists and the Black Bloc fought each other for hours in the streets. At the end, 11 people were injured and six hospitalized. Police arrested 21 people on a number of charges. The organizers of the rally, the Proud Boys, said they had won an

letters May’s flawed logic

Mr. May uses flawed logic in his article [Re: Guest Column, “Xcel went fishing and caught a few fish,” April 20] stating there will be $1.6 billion of Xcel profits over 20 years which Boulder County can claim for taxpayers. As a taxpayer, it would be nice if he was correct, but alas no. First, much can happen in 20 years and most forecasts fall apart after one or two years, let alone 20. Second, profits don’t just appear automatically; government costs almost always surpass their private alternatives, as governments are not are designed to 6 May 4 , 2017

“enormous victory.” On their Facebook page, the Proud Boys said they are “founded on a system of beliefs and values of minimal government, maximum freedom, anti-political correctness, antiracial guilt, pro-gun rights, anti-Drug War, closed borders, anti-masturbation, venerating entrepreneurs, venerating housewives, and reinstating a spirit of Western chauvinism during an age of globalism and multiculturalism.” The group’s founder, Gavin McInnes, claims that Proud Boy meetings mainly consist of drinking, fighting and reading from Pat Buchanan’s book, Death of the West. McInnes was a Fox News commentator who left the network because it wasn’t conservative enough. He’s also a contributor for the racist website VDARE, where he belittled Muslims and called Asian Americans “slopes” and “riceballs.” He once received an award for “hipster racism.” Being a “hipster racist” involves engaging in behavior commonly regarded as racist and defending your antics by claiming you are just being ironic or satirical. The Proud Boys have a frat boy three-degree initiation. You publicly declare yourself a Proud Boy. Then you get beaten up until you cry out the names of five breakfast cereals. Finally you get a tattoo. You have to maintain a “#NoWanks masturbation regimen” at all times. That is, you can only masturbate once a month. However, Proud Boys can always masturbate within a yard of a woman if she consents. Recently the Proud Boys added a fourth degree: fighting the anti-fascists. They have also formed a “fight club” profit; think Colorado health co-op. Third, comparative advantages give reason for businesses and people to specialize and trade. For example, I’d rather buy an iPhone than try to build one, or read Boulder Weekly than try to edit it myself. Among other reasons, it would cost a lot more. If Boulder County decides to become a power company it will be an experiment, but it is unrealistic to think it will run as cheaply as Xcel. Xcel’s net profit margin is a moderate 10 percent. The County will have a hard time claiming any of that hypothetical $1.6 billion. It may still makes sense to municipalize even if it costs more. Opening up the grid to renewable energy is a worthy objective, but let’s use accurate statistics

military arm called the Fraternal Order of Alt Knights. Most likely, the battle in Berkeley is only the beginning. The left will make a mistake if we get into a war with the far right, argues David Neiwert, an investigative journalist who has been reporting on neo-Nazis and fascist types in the Pacific Northwest for over 30 years. From his observations and from his reading of history, he says that fascists provoke violence by their enemies in order to portray themselves as victims. Consider what happened in the last days of Germany’s democratically elected Weimar Republic in the 1930s. The country was in the middle of a political and economic crisis that left the society on the brink of civil war. Street violence by paramilitary organizations on the left and the right increased discernibly. Shortly before the July 1932 parliamentary elections, Prussian authorities reported 300 acts of politically motivated violence that left 24 people dead and almost 300 injured. In Berlin, Nazi Party leader Joseph Goebbels deliberately provoked Communist and Social Democratic actions by marching their storm troopers

into working-class neighborhoods where those parties had strongholds. Nazi fighters who were injured or killed became martyrs romanticized by Nazi newspapers, photographs, films and paintings. “The Horst Wessel Song” became the Nazi anthem. It lionized a 23-year-old storm trooper who was killed in 1930. Neiwert says, “Fascists... are the ultimate psychic vampires: They feed off hate. They want to stoke it as much as possible. They want things to become as violent as possible. They love it when you become violent and give them martyrs.” Neiwart says the most successful anti-fascist demonstration he ever observed occurred in 2005 in Olympia, Washington. A neo-Nazi group held a rally calling for a “race war.” The townspeople mocked them with a loud and mostly good-natured musical celebration of diversity. Their noise drowned out the fascists on the loudspeakers. There was a troupe of clowns mimicking Nazis goose stepping around. Don’t punch Nazis. Laugh at them. This opinion column does not necessarily reflect the views of Boulder Weekly.

to decide on this important issue. Duncan Coker/Boulder

tate, but to punish. When the offender comes out, they have limited skills and perhaps justifiable anger at their treatment in prison and the lack of helpful programs. Our system makes us complicit in this cycle because we are then fearful of them and unwilling to tolerate them in our communities. At the Conference on World Affairs I was fortunate to hear James Bell speak about repairing our criminal justice system. He talked about how one of the most important things we must learn to do as a society is to work with our own fear. I believe this is a challenge that we need to consider carefully if we have any hope of fixing this shameful system. Ellen Stark/Boulder

A vicious cycle

I am concerned by several articles in the Camera recently. One dealt with a man in Longmont, released from prison who has been unable to find a place to live or a job. No one will hire him or rent to him because of his record. The other article concerned a man who was convicted of sexual assault and now cannot find a community to accept him. What does it say about our society when a person has supposedly paid their debt by being incarcerated, but upon their release they are unable to be reintegrated? A vicious cycle starts when the intention is not to rehabili-

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NEWS MIXED SIGNALS

ICE detains, then releases, sanctuary-seeker who had been notified he was not a deportation priority BY MATT CORTINA

A

Matt Cortina

rturo Hernandez García entered sanctuary on Oct. 21, 2014, the day he was scheduled for deportation. He lived in a Denver church basement for nine months until he received a letter from Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) saying he was no longer a priority for deportation. There was a celebration on the church’s steps. García had become a symbol of, and a de facto spokesperson for, the sanctuary movement. So he left the church, returned to his wife and two daughters, and resumed work at the business he owns. On April 26, 2017 — almost two years after leaving sanctuary — ICE arrested García at his workplace. But after an outpouring of support from the immigrant rights advocates, congressional leaders and the community at large, ICE released García from the ICE Denver Contract Detention Facility in Aurora late Tuesday, May 2. García was granted a 30-day stay of removal “on an order of supervision,” says ICE spokesman Carl Rusnok in an email. “We are grateful that Mr. Hernandez has been granted a brief reprieve so he can attend his daughter’s high school graduation, as well as allow us time to ask an appeals court to revisit his case,” said García’s lawyer, Laura Lichter, in a statement. García’s eldest daughter, Mariana, currently has legal status under the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program, and she is preparing to graduate high school this year. Her future was the reason García moved to the U.S. in the first place. García was arrested after an altercation with a coworker in 2010. A jury eventually cleared him of all charges (after more than $17,000 in legal fees and fines), but ICE still considered him a deportation priority until they sent him the letter indicating otherwise. Rusnok says ICE is “currently researching the origin of this unsigned and undated note,” which he says was presented to ICE Denver officers by an attorney. “This apparently two-year-old note (which references a June 2015 contact) was drafted under different ICE immigration enforcement priorities,” Rusnok says. A group of García’s supporters held a vigil outside the GEO facility in Aurora from the day he was arrested until May 1. Thousands, meanwhile, signed a Boulder Weekly

new administration would not be honoring those promises.” Jeanette Vizguerra, a mother currently in sanctuary at the First Unitarian Society of Denver (where García also took sanctuary), said last week that she has known García for four years and had seen how his arrest impacted his family. “In one moment, we see that the life of Arturo’s family could be permanently changed,” says Vizguerra, who was named as one of TIME’s “100 Most Influential People” for her advocacy work and move to sanctuary. “I’m very close with Arturo’s daughter, and we were chatting last night, and there she was going through the articles on Facebook about her father up until late, worried about what will happen. ... I don’t think that those who are running the system understand how many children are being impacted so much by this.” petition to release him from Even though García was detention. released, those close to him quesClockwise: Arturo Hernandez Garciá Because García was tioned what changed in his case. before entering sanctuary at the First Unitarian Society of Denver in 2014; granted only a short “We should all be really clear Garciá sits in his basement apartment reprieve, he’ll need a longthat the administration is being in the First Unitarian Society of Denver; Garciá speaks to media after leaving term solution to remain in extremely disingenuous when it sanctuary in 2015; Garciá prays with says it’s only going after people the U.S. Rusnok says García his family and supporters outside the church. who are dangerous,” says Mike has overstayed his original Morran, pastor at First Unitarian six-month visa by 14 years Society of Denver. “Let’s be clear and has “exhausted his petithat the crime he’s committed of, overstaying his visa, tions” through the courts and ICE. In her statement, Lichter, however, said the added time will allow is a misdemeanor, and in a country that follows rule of García’s legal team to pursue “viable legal options,” law, the punishment that Arturo and his family are and revisit “missed opportunities” with the permanent being subjected to for a misdemeanor is obscene.” residency process. García has had a petition for legal Reverend Noll Anderson of the Church World status via his in-laws that has been in progress since Service, which helps coordinate sanctuary activities, 2005. says only ICE can say for sure if García was targeted Ana Sauzameda, García’s wife, says in the months for his sanctuary stay, but that the impact immigration since García left sanctuary, the family had been living rights campaigns have on policy has changed with the “a normal, happy, kind of boring life.” They had no new administration. suspicion that ICE was going to arrest García, but Jennifer Piper, interfaith organizer for the like many immigrants — here both legally and not — American Friends Service Committee, says she thinks fear of deportation impacted their lives. the change in administration is likely tied to García’s “We did feel fear ever since he left sanctuary but arrest, and the arrest of others in similar situations. in particular after the new administration was elected, “I do believe that the change in the administraafter all the rhetoric,” Sauzameda says. “We started to tion shifted the way ICE thought about Arturo,” feel more afraid and began to think it was more likely, Piper says. “I think that I speak for folks who are but we never thought it would happen so soon.” engaged in sanctuary across the country that we Sauzameda says that when García told an ICE deeply understand how serious the administration is officer about the letter, he was told, “the letter had about their priorities and taking people out of our been issued under a previous administration and the communities.” May 4 , 2017 9


ANALYSIS

E

verything changed at approximately 4:45 p.m. on April 17. That’s the moment when Mark Martinez and Joey Irwin were tragically killed when the Martinez Firestone, Colorado, home exploded and burned to the ground. Mark’s wife Erin was also badly injured by the blast and remains in University Hospital. This horrific incident has shaken the small town of Firestone to its core. But the tremors of what happened that day have spread far beyond this former coal mining town on the eastern plains. The entire state is now shaking out of both fear and anger. No one can doubt that for the families and friends of the victims, nothing will ever be the same. Our hearts go out to them. I can only imagine their pain and frustration as they watched how quickly this story transformed from their personal tragedy into a heated debate over the oil and gas industry’s controversial practice of drilling and producing hydrocarbons right in the middle of our communities, often within our neighborhoods, sometimes literally in our backyards. And so I apologize now for doing that very thing I suspect these mourning families and their friends have come to loathe. It is not out of disrespect but rather the opposite. I am writing this piece out of hope and fear — hope that because of what happened to the Martinez and Irwin families, no one else will ever again have to go through what they are going through, and fear because I know that really isn’t possible. The science and research doesn’t lie. There is a formula. If you push explosive materials through manmade pipes in and under people’s homes, it is only a matter of time combined with a thousand random, uncontrollable factors before a tragedy like Firestone occurs. Sadly, the formula hasn’t changed since this latest deadly explosion. It is still only a matter of time and weather and human error until it happens to the next family. And that is why I say that everything changed on April 17, not only for the victims of the Firestone tragedy, but for all of us — provided we act to save ourselves.

This is the turning point. I believe when it comes to citizens and communities protecting themselves from the oil and gas industry, April 17, 2017 will be remembered as the beginning of the end of putting dangerous, life-threatening industrial operations into densely populated areas or allowing developers to put subdivisions on top of already producing oil fields. There’s no going back now. The dangers are no longer theoretical and up for debate, as if they ever really were. There have been 832 serious pipeline incidents in the U.S. in the past 20 years. These have resulted in 310 deaths and 1,299 serious injuries resulting in overnight hospital stays, according to the Pipeline and Hazardous Materials Safety Administration. Even the industry regulators in Colorado, who too often serve as the industry’s cheerleader, assign wells in neighborhoods a higher hazard rating than their counterparts in wide open spaces. Which is to say that anyone who tells you producing explosive hydrocarbons in the mid-

Turning Point

Joel Dyer

This is all that is left of the Martinez home in Firestone after a leaking flowline from an Anadarko Petroleum well caused the house to explode and burn, killing two and badly injuring another.

communities like Firestone, Frederick, Erie and Greeley where folks have already endured the oil and gas industry’s invasion into their neighborhoods or vice versa. And the good news; none of these game-changing actions on the part of communities require gathering a quarter of a million signatures, raising hundreds of thousands of dollars or fighting the millions spent by oil and gas front groups like Coloradans for Responsible Energy Development (CRED) or its offspring Vital for Colorado. The game-changing things I’m talking about can be accomplished by local city councils in a matter of days with no basis for being sued by the state. But first, let’s take a closer look at what we know about what happened in Firestone.

What we know Shortly after the house exploded, Anadarko Petroleum dispatched personnel to the scene. Anadarko owns and operates seven older wells in the subdivision, including the Coors V6-14Ji well (Coors well), which is located a mere 178 feet from the charred remains of the Martinez home. Next, the company responded by shutting down the Coors well along with the other wells in the subdivision and an additional 3,000 wells of similar age located throughout Northeast Colorado. The company made its decision to shutdown the wells of its own accord out of what it called an “abundance of caution.” The Colorado Oil and Gas Conservation Commission (COGCC) — the state entity charged with both promoting the oil and gas industry and regulating it — confirmed that it had not instructed Anadarko or any other company to shut down wells as a result of the Firestone incident. The investigation into what caused the explosion was conducted by the Frederick-Firestone Fire Protection District. The COGCC assisted in the investigation. On Tuesday, May 2, fire officials issued a press release summarizing their findings.

What to do about the oil and gas industry’s 60,000 miles of pipe bombs under our communities and homes by Joel Dyer

10 May 4, 2017

dle of a town or that moving these hazardous materials between and/or under homes via pipeline is safe, is ignorant or simply lying. The industry knows better, the regulators know better, our elected leaders know better and now, all of us know better. There are very specific things we can do to prevent future tragedies like Firestone in the communities where neighborhoods have yet to be extensively drilled or developers have yet to erect homes on top of flowlines or right next to wells and production platforms — communities like Longmont, Lafayette, Louisville, Boulder, Broomfield, Thornton, Denver and Fort Collins. And there are some things that can still be done to slow if not prevent future accidents, even in

Boulder Weekly


Courtesy Shane Davis

“Investigators have reached the conclusion that the origin and cause of the explosion and subsequent fire that destroyed the Martinez home and damaged the neighboring home resulting in the deaths of Mark Martinez and Joey Irwin and the severe injury to Erin Martinez was unrefined, non-odorized gas that entered the home through a French Drain and Sump Pit due to a cut, abandoned gas flowline attached to an oil and gas well in the vicinity that, while abandoned, had not been disconnected from the wellhead and capped.” The records for the Coors well on the COGCC website show that there were originally two flowlines connecting the Coors well with a tank farm to the north. The tank farm was moved around 2002 in order to accommodate development in the area. It appears that only one of the abandoned flowlines was ever capped. Flowlines are defined as the gas or liquids pipelines that connect the well to the production platform with storage tanks, or in the case of natural gas, to the nearest gathering line. It is not unusual for flowlines to be abandoned. When wells are plugged or production facilities moved, as in the case of the Coors well, flowlines are generally left buried in place. Obviously, this can be problematic if not done properly. There is a very specific process for dealing with the old abandoned flowlines. For safety purposes, the COGCC requires the old flowlines to be disconnected from the well, filled with unpressurized inert ingredients, capped on both ends and cut off to a depth of three feet below the surface. The old flowline that is now being blamed for the Firestone tragedy was apparently still hooked to the Coors well and uncapped, allowing gas to escape and fill the Martinez basement. The Martinez home was nearly new, being constructed in 2015. The old flowline, if never disconnected from the well, is likely to have been leaking its deadly gas for many years. It was an invisible bomb just waiting for someone to build on top of it, and they did. We know a few other things about the Coors well. Production records show the well had been shut in for about 15 months beginning in the last quarter of 2015. Shut in refers to a well that is still capable of producing oil and/or gas but that is not being produced by the operator, usually for market-driven reasons. In February 2017, Anandarko put the well back online. The COGCC requires a well that has been shut in to be pressure tested before coming back online. I’ve been unable to find any records at the COGCC indicating Anadarko perBoulder Weekly

formed this required pressure test. But it may have done so without the COGCC having any records to show for it. There are many documents such as those concerning required pressure tests on flowlines as well as documentation related to the disposal of toxic oil and gas waste that are nearly impossible to access. Rather than keeping such records available for public inspection on its website or at its offices, the COGCC instead requires the oil and gas companies to keep the records themselves for three years just in case the COGCC ever wants to see them. It’s a clever scheme. The public, including the press, can’t make a public records request (CORA) to a corporation like Anadarko, and if a request is made to COGCC it can simply respond that it’s not the custodian of those records. With enough time and money, someone might be able to force the COGCC to call up such records from the company, at which point they could be accessed by the public. It’s a pretty good roadblock, but I suspect that’s exactly what it was designed to be. The COGCC tends to take its position as the primary promoter of the oil and gas industry in Colorado far more seriously than it does its role as industry regulator. But more on that in a bit.

What we don’t know yet So, did Anadarko know it had an uncapped, abandoned flowline attached to the Coors well prior to the explosion? I can’t answer that, of course. That will presumably be part of the continuing COGCC investigation. It is safe to say that both the Frederick-Firestone Fire Protection District and Anadarko seemed to know what happened very quickly. On one of my trips to the blast site, a member of Firestone law enforcement told me that the fire department knew what had happened within an hour of the blast. He also told me there is a video from an

The well setbacks above are a mere 200 feet. It is clear why developers oppose local setbacks of 500 feet or more. They would lose half their building lots.

area camera showing the large two-story house being blown straight up off of its foundation before coming back down and imploding under its own weight. The fire became visible 30 to 45 seconds later, he said. There is also the fact that both the fire department and the COGCC assured area residents that they were not in danger very early on. Had any of the active wells or old abandoned wells in the area been suspected of leaking natural gas that could have migrated to the Martinez house, they could not have made that claim when they did. Leaking gas from wellbores has been known to migrate well over a mile. If a leaking wellbore had been suspected as the cause of the blast, the neighborhood would likely have been immediately evacuated and residents likely would not have been able to return for days. The only way the authorities could have known so quickly the other homes in the neighborhood were not in danger is if they knew that turning off the wells had remedied the problem. When wells are turned off, it is only the flowlines that are impacted. Therefore, fire officials and the COGCC would have presumably known with certainty it was a flowline issue before they declared the area safe for nearby residents, something they did shortly after the explosion. Let’s assume for the sake of argument that Anadarko didn’t know that its Coors well was venting gas out of an old, improperly abandoned flowline prior to the explosion. Since there was no apparent indication that the well’s current active flowline wasn’t working, it would have made reasonable sense for

the company to initially assume its well was not the cause of the explosion. But if that’s the case, why make the decision to shut down 3,000 other wells before you know the explosion and deaths are going to be attributed to your actions? After all, an “abundance of caution” is hardly cheap. Anadarko is a major player in the oil and gas industry and is as sophisticated as they come in that business. The minute Anadarko made the decision to shut down its 3,000 wells, it knew what would happen next. Within hours of the next day’s opening bell on Wall Street, the company had already lost a quarter of a billion dollars in value. The 3,000 wells it turned off were generating 13,000 barrels of oil per day. That means, based on current oil prices, they were losing somewhere in the neighborhood of $656,000 per day, not counting lost revenue from gas. And the bleeding has continued. Barron’s reports, “Shares of Anadarko Petroleum (APC) are tumbling this morning after releasing disappointing first-quarter earnings... but it’s the potential overhang from a recent accident that appears to be spurring the massive selloff.” So far the company’s shares are down a total of 9 percent, an incredible amount of money for a company valued at almost $29 billion. This makes Anadarko’s actions immediately following the explosion seem all the more impressive. It’s not often a major, public company is willing to lose hundreds of millions of dollars almost overnight just to be abundantly cautious at a time when presumably it is still unaware that it has a future problem looming ahead in the form of an improperly abandoned flowline. Actually I’m more skeptical than impressed. It seems to me, that’s a high price to pay for a public relations exercise, which is exactly what the well shutdown would have been had Anadarko’s well not been found to be the cause of the explosion. But if the company knew before the blast — and I’m not saying it did — that there was an improperly abandoned, uncapped flowline still attached to its Coors well that likely caused the explosion, then quickly shutting down the 3,000 similar, vertically drilled wells would have made perfect sense, It looked very responsible at the time and created a modicum of positive spin on a terrible situation. And if Anadarko did know about the flowline at the time, it was obviously something the company knew it was going to have to do anyway as soon as word of the old flowline came out. As a result of Anadarko’s decision to See TURNING POINT Page 12

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shut down its vertically drilled wells until they can be proven safe, other communities have asked all operators to do the same, including Boulder County’s request for a shutdown of all vertically drilled wells in the county. Don’t be fooled by the “vertically drilled” aspect of this Anadarko shutdown. Horizontally drilled wells are far more productive and their flowlines are under much higher pressures. This means that in case of an accident near neighborhoods they are actually far more dangerous than their vertically drilled counterparts, as their blast radius and destructive power is much larger. The reason the vertical wells were chosen is because new wells are horizontal and old wells are vertical. Anadarko shut down its older wells because age is the most important, but not only, ingredient in the formula of what makes things explode. Pipe is pipe. According to the industry’s own literature, a small percentage of wellbore will fail shortly after the well is drilled. Over the next 20 years, 60 percent of all wellbores will fail, and over time all wellbores will eventually fail. It’s not rocket science; it’s corrosion and human error. Wait long enough and all flowlines will eventually fail as a result of corrosion, weather events or human error. And make no mistake about it, just because a well is drilled horizontally will not keep its flowlines from eventually leaking or exploding. It’s why building houses near or even on top of any oil and gas pipelines of any size is an insane thing for any level of government to allow. The industry’s and COGCC’s current delineation between vertical verses horizontal as it pertains to Firestone is simply another attempt to protect the industry’s most profitable wells from criticism or additional regulation. But why should I concern myself with such matters? I’m sure the COGCC, in conjunction with Anadarko itself, will be conducting a full and thorough investigation to get to the bottom of such things, and to figure out how such an egregious transgression of the rules and regulations could have slipped through the COGCC’s self-proclaimed “toughest in the country” regulatory oversight. And if that fails, Gov. Hickenlooper has called on the industry to self-inspect well sites across the state, which is of course what they are supposedly already doing. So far the COGCC has not let its investigation into the Firestone incident slow it down. It approved another 500

ANALYSIS wells to be drilled in Adams County at its May 1 regularly scheduled meeting. I wish it had used its time to tell us how it was going to determine whether we should be worried about all the other thousands of miles of active, and abandoned flowlines full of explosive materials in our neighborhoods. But alas, there is a reason Attorney General Jeff Sessions can’t be in charge of the Trump/Russia investigation, and the same reasoning applies to this investigation as well.

Independent investigator must be appointed This is much larger than what happened in Firestone. There are — according to data miner and anti-fracking activist Shane Davis — 60,000 miles worth of potentially explosive flowlines in Colorado, including many miles running under neighborhoods just like Firestone. That’s enough pipelines full of explosive materials to circle the Earth nearly 2.5 times. And that’s just the flowlines in Colorado that the COGCC is sort of in charge of regulating. (I’ll explain that comment shortly.) What all this means is that there’s a lot at stake. This may well be the most important investigation the state has ever conducted into an oil and gas accident. It could potentially alter the course of drilling within communities in the future. And frankly, the track record of the COGCC absolutely disqualifies it from being in charge or even involved with such an important investigation. The COGCC believes its first responsibility is the promotion of oil and gas extraction within the state. The first paragraph of its regulations state that “All rules and regulations of a general nature herein promulgated to prevent waste and to conserve oil and gas in the State of Colorado...” The conflict of interest is obvious just in the way the Commission views its charge, but its actions over the past few years are even more telling. You may recall the article BW published last year titled “Behind closed doors.” The story documented a recording made during a 2015 meeting of oil and gas industry representatives and state regulators. The gathering in question took place during a CRED presentation at the annual meeting of the Interstate Oil and Gas Commission (IOGCC). CRED is an oil and gas industry front group funded by Anadarko Petroleum and Noble Energy, the two largest oil and gas producers in the state of Colorado. Most people are familiar Boulder Weekly


with CRED as the organization that inundates the airways with millions of dollars worth of oft-misleading, profracking advertisements. During CRED’s 2015 IOGCC presentation by consultant Mark Truax of PAC/WEST Communications (who is also director of operations and coalitions for CRED) the room full of industry insiders and state regulators — including Matt Lepore, Governor John Hickenlooper’s appointed director of the COGCC — were told how CRED was manipulating the system to promote drilling and fracking within the city limits of communities in Colorado. It was a shocking confession caught on tape that includes candid descriptions of how this organization funded by Anadarko: 1) is taking over local city councils by funding its hand-selected candidates in order to prevent local governments from passing bans, moratoriums or other regulations that would inhibit drilling inside city limits; 2) is using the Denver Post to push its agenda; 3) how it created and now uses Vital for Colorado (another industry front group that claims to be independent of CRED) to intervene and change the outcomes of local municipal decisions; 4) is pending tens of millions of dollars to gather information on Colorado voters so it can manipulate election outcomes and keep setback and community rights initiatives off the ballot; 5) is working to amend the Colorado Constitution so citizens will no longer be able to put forward ballot measures to limit fracking in the future; 6) how it has created specific strategies to defeat grassroots environmental groups working to create stricter regulations on the industry in Colorado, and most importantly to this discussion; 7) how it is actually spending money to prop up the flailing image of the COGCC so people will think that it is doing a good job. At no point during this CRED presentation did Colorado’s COGCC Director Lepore object to any of the shocking, antidemocratic tactics being described. To the contrary, he even participated in the presentation. If there was ever any question as to whether the relationship between the COGCC and the oil and gas industry, in particular Anadarko and Noble, has become so inappropriately close as to disqualify the Commission from its charge as industry regulator, this recording answered that question. Yes, it has disqualified itself. If the Commission were credible on this subject it would have been listening to its critics long ago. Shane Davis has sat right next to Lepore and presented Boulder Weekly

irrefutable evidence as to the dangers of oil and gas extraction within communities. He has shown how leaking abandoned wells have caused homes in Colorado to explode and injure people. He warned over and over again at COGCC meetings that it was only a matter of time before people died as a result of leaking flowlines. He even moved from Firestone, from a house only a few blocks away from the Martinez house, because he understood the danger. But no one at COGCC dared slow the march of residential

drilling. And even if the COGCC could — which it can’t — be an unbiased investigator over an Anadarko incident like Firestone, it should still be replaced for the same reason that Jeff Sessions had to recuse himself from the investigation of his boss, namely to avoid the appearance of impropriety and thereby discredit the eventual findings. What good is an investigation conducted by an entity that has lost the trust of millions of people? No matter what a COGCC investigation eventual-

ly concludes, those opposed to fracking and drilling in neighborhoods will never believe the outcome. Imagine if (more likely when) the COGCC were to conclude that Firestone was a one-off, a terrible tragedy but an isolated event as opposed to any kind of systematic failure that should be viewed as a reason to stop allowing drilling in neighborhoods. What if the Commission concludes Firestone was the exception to the rule See TURNING POINT Page 14

May 4, 2017 13


Courtesy of Shane Davis

TURNING POINT from Page 13

and that corrective actions such as better monitoring of pressure tests will ensure that such a tragedy will never happen again? It doesn’t matter if such a conclusion is true or accurate. The fact that it is being rendered by the COGCC automatically discredits it with the very people a thorough investigation should be attempting to pacify. This lack of trust is already being evidenced by a loud outcry from environmental groups and anti-fracking activists who are demanding an independent investigation from outside the COGCC be conducted. And it’s not just activists displaying a lack of trust. On one of my trips to the Firestone explosion site, a Firestone police officer told me that the reason the police were still standing watch over the site all day long was because the FrederickFirestone fire inspectors didn’t want the COGCC investigators on site without being accompanied by fire department personnel. I commented on the seeming lack of trust of the COGCC and the cop agreed. For that reason — in addition to the abundance of evidence that confirms the COGCC is far too involved in helping the industry do whatever is necessary to maintain its drilling and production activities in close proximity to housing, schools and hospitals — it is absolutely critical that the governor or state legislature appoint an independent outside investigator with no ties to the oil and gas industry. The memories of those killed in Firestone demand it. But aside from the ongoing investigation, the Firestone tragedy has already illuminated a path forward for those who believe industrial oil and gas extraction has no place in neighborhoods and explosive pipelines don’t belong in the backyards where our children play.

The turning point: How to legally stop oil and gas drilling in neighborhoods When asked why the Coors well was only 178 feet from the Martinez house when COGCC regulations call 14 May 4, 2017

for a 500-foot setback, Lepore explained that while the Commission regulates how close a well can be to a house, after it’s drilled it is up to local communities, not the COGCC, to determine how close a house can be built to an existing well. There are those who have argued whether this is an accurate reading of the COGCC’s authority, but Lepore’s interpretation is a potential boon to communities who want to protect their residents from the health risks associated with living in close proximity to oil and gas operations, as well as from deadly accidents like what occurred in Firestone. Lepore is basically acknowledging that if the COGCC doesn’t regulate it, local community governments can, and without fear of being sued by

So why would developers oppose an ordinance that matched the state’s 500foot setback when it came to how close they could build to a well? The answer is easy: money. Based on the most recent information, average building lot sizes in the Rocky Mountain region are getting smaller. They now average just 7,405 square feet. What this means to a developer is that they would lose 12 to 15 building lots for every 500-foot setback. That translates to millions of lost dollars. But it also translates to saved lives and less sprawl, and any city council can pass such a regulation at any time it wants if it is serious about getting people further from oil and gas operations. But the real Achilles’ heel of the oil and gas industry that has been exposed

Joel Dyer

This is the Coors well that is located only 178 feet away from the charred remains of the Martinez house in Firestone that exploded as the result of leaking gas from an improperly abandoned flowline still attached to the well.

the state. So why haven’t communities enacted common sense setbacks for developers when it comes to existing oil and gas wells, active and abandoned, and production platforms? The answer is simple: in every community along the Front Range, developers and the real estate industry are the most influential political force to be reckoned with, even more so than the oil and gas industry, but generally the two work hand in hand together.

by the Firestone tragedy pertains to flowlines and other gathering lines. Applying Director Lapore’s interpretation of COGCC authority to flowlines like the one that had deadly consequences in Firestone creates an interesting scenario. The COGCC does not regulate setbacks on flowlines, therefore local communities can do so by the simple vote of the city council. For Front Range communities that have yet to experience extensive drilling within city limits, creating a safe setback

The above photos of Erie are of the exact same location and show how subdivisions have been allowed by local governments to build right on top of producing and plugged wells.

on flowlines based on explosion blast area research and additional safety buffers would make it very difficult for oil and gas companies to operate in neighborhoods. To drill within a community with substantive flowline setbacks, an operator would have to first find a drilling location 500 feet from homes that also had a several-hundred-foot-wide corridor along which it could run its flowlines. In most communities such potential sites would be few or nonexistent, and since the COGCC does not regulate flowline setbacks, it also has no authority to offer any exemptions or exceptions to such local setback ordinances. With the absence of an appropriate avenue to run flowlines from a well, operators would be forced to use trucks as the only other option for moving their products from a well drilled in town. But local governments already are recognized as having authority over truck traffic within a community and current regulations or those that could be added later would make trucks likely not an option within neighborhoods. Can flowline setbacks really be done at the local level? The answer is absolutely, and it’s already been done in three jurisdictions and has stood the test of time, creating solid legal precedent for such local ordinances. The first local government in Colorado to pass gathering line setbacks was La Plata County sometime in the early 2000s. Next came the city of Durango in 2007, and this year Boulder County added setbacks as part of its new oil and gas regulations. Flowline setback proponent Josh Joswick, a three-term La Plata County commissioner (now private citizen) and organizer for Earthworks Oil and Gas Accountability Project, has been trying to convince local governments to get on Boulder Weekly


board with setbacks for years. He has given numerous presentations to local governments and concerned citizens and has another presentation coming up in Longmont on Saturday, May 6. He’ll be speaking along with Dan Leftwich, Tony Ingraffea and Lisa McKenzie. New setback ordinances created by local city councils and county commissioners can’t help the people whose neighborhoods are already filled with explosive flowlines. Their relief will have to come from the COGCC. Hopefully, after what has transpired, the Commission will change its focus from maximizing oil and gas production to public safety. Normally I’d be pretty pessimistic about that, but thanks to a recent court decision it’s far more likely today than it was a few months ago. In March the youth organization Earth Guardians won an important appeal in their case against the COGCC. Much of the media coverage surrounding the court’s decision has focused on the court’s statement that the COGCC had erred when it refused to consider a petition presented by the youth plaintiffs in 2014. The petition requested that the COGCC suspend the issuance of fracking permits until such practice can be done without adverse impacts to the environment and human health. But less has been written about another very significant finding of the three-judge panel, one that could revolutionize the regulation of oil and gas extraction in the state. The panel of three judges, with one dissent, found that the COGCC had erred in its interpretation of the Oil and Gas Conservation Act that gives the Commission its power to regulate the industry. The COGCC has always claimed that its priority is to maximize oil and gas production while doing its best to balance that priority with the protection of human health, safety and the environment. The appeals court ruled that the correct interpretation of the Act is that it “Mandates that the development of oil and gas in Colorado be regulated subject to the protection of public health, safety, and welfare, including protection of the environment and wildlife resources.” This is no small difference. It basically says that when public health, safety and the environment are at odds with oil and gas extraction, oil and gas is supposed to lose. That is exactly the opposite of how the COGCC and the state of Colorado have been regulating the industry. So there it is... the turning point. By using local land use regulations to force development to match the COGCC’s setbacks, by creating local setbacks on all oil and gas gathering lines, including flowlines, and by challenging the industry in court based upon the decision in Boulder Weekly

the Earth Guadians case that makes oil and gas production subordinate to human health, safety and the environment, communities can now protect themselves from the oil and gas industry and its state government promoters. All it takes is civic engagement, It requires no signature gathering or fundraising, just a few thousand concerned citizens showing up at a city council meeting and demanding these simple common sense ordinances. If you sense hesitation by certain city council members, check out who paid for their last campaign and you’ll know why. You can

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expect major pushback from developers, real estate interests and the oil and gas industry. But for the most part, city council members along the Front Range want to do what’s right for their citizens. Help them know what to do. This is the time to stand up and be counted, to send a message to our elected leaders. Here’s one easy way to get involved today. In response to the Firestone tragedy, Shane Davis has placed a petition on MoveOn.org that calls for the immediate shutdown of all oil and gas wells located throughout the state. It also asked the governor to

require a full Mechanical Integrity Test (MIT) on all active and abandoned wells. MIT’s are supposed to be conducted on every well in the state every five years, but oil companies often ask for a deferment due to the cost of the test, and of course the COGCC most often approves their request. Check out the petition at tinyurl. com/kcazf8c; it calls for many other important steps to be taken as well. And don’t forget to catch Josh Joswick and the others in Longmont on Saturday. It is sure to be an informative gathering.

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boulderganic Most U.S. wildfires started by humans Population growth, urban expansion and global warming are to blame by Tim Radford

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umans have more than doubled the wildfire season in the U.S. People — rather than natural causes — were responsible for 84 percent of all U.S. wildfires between 1992 and 2012. And the area at hazard from fires begun by human action now extends over 1.9 million square miles, more than seven times greater than the 270,000 square miles area at risk from fires Wikimedia Commons started by lightning. Researchers from three states studied U.S. government records of 1.5 million wildfires during those 21 years. They found that humancaused fires accounted for 44 percent of the area burned, they report in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

solution to reducing the number of costly and damaging fires.” Humans have increased fire risk in a number of ways, and population growth and urban expansion into what was once forested terrain have played a part. So, too, has global warming as a consequence of the combustion of fossil fuels, which has begun to extend the growing season, create ever greater levels of fuels

extends across the entire warming world. The latest study found that the season for fires ignited by lightning was roughly 43 days, exclusively in the summer and mostly in the mountain regions of the U.S. West. The season for fires begun accidentally by humans now extends for 93 days, and humans were to blame for an average of 40,000 fires in spring, autumn and winter annually. This is 35 times the

and increase aridity in already dry lands. The forests have responded by burning ever more fiercely. This has happened in the U.S. West, and climate change has been linked to the increasing frequency and extent of such blazes.

number of fires started by lightning in those seasons. “We saw significant increases in the numbers of large, human-started fires over time, especially in the spring,” Bradley says. “I think that’s interesting and scary, because it suggests that as spring seasons get warmer and earlier T due imtoe climate change, human ited us imputting ignitionsLare at increasing risk of some of the largest, most damaging wildfires.” Up To This article originally ran on Climate News Network.

What starts wildfires? “There cannot be a fire without a spark,” says Jennifer Balch, a geographer who directs the University of Colorado Boulder’s Earth Lab. “Our results highlight the importance of considering where the ignitions that start wildfires come from, instead of focusing only on the fuel that carries fire or the weather that helps it spread. Thanks to people, the wildfire season is almost year-round.” Her research colleague Bethany Bradley, of the University of Massachusetts at Amherst, says, “It turns out that lightning-started fires happen primarily in the inter-mountain west and almost exclusively in the summer, whereas humanstarted fires happen pretty much everywhere and extend the fire season far into the spring and fall. “Our paper is the first to document the remarkable influence of human ignitions on ‘wildfire.’ Since we humans are the source of most fires, we are also the

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ADVENTURE

Courtesy of Chandi Wyant

A pilgrimage of transformation

How a divorce and appendicitis led one woman to walk through Italy and follow her dreams

by Caitlin Rockett

D

eep in the summer of 2008, Chandi Wyant was in the middle of a divorce when her appendix ruptured. She was also in the middle of Italy, alone. It was the second day of her trip. She spent three weeks in a hospital in Florence, sharing a room with six other patients, unable to walk, fighting off sepsis-induced pneumonia. It was noisy and Wyant slept little, but she was grateful — even without insurance, the hospital treated her at no charge. After some begging and pleading with her doctor, Wyant got moved out of the hospital and spent another week in a nunnery before the day of her return flight to Denver arrived. The mere thought of traveling was exhausting, but Fate was offering no breaks. Though her doctor provided documentation about her fragile condition, Wyant says United Airlines refused to push back her return flight, so she traveled back to Colorado, alone. With her husband gone and no family in the state, Wyant was left to care for herself. Mundane tasks were exercises in both mental and physical strength, and though she had friends to talk to and lean on when times were especially hard, she found herself at “rock bottom for a couple of months.” Even so, tribulations have a way of giving birth to fresh perspectives, and with time Wyant began to see Boulder Weekly

her future again, and it led back to the country her heart has long called home. “It wasn’t a surprise to me that Italy came up, but I was surprised the message came to me to walk across Italy,” she says. And that’s how Wyant came to spend 30 days walking 264 miles on the Via Francigena, a medieval pilgrimage trail from Canterbury, England, through France and Switzerland, to Rome. Earlier this year she put her experience into a book, Return to Glow: A Pilgrimage of Transformation in Italy. • • • • Wyant’s love affair with Italy began when she was 19, after a female friend invited her on a backpacking trip around Europe. “I had no concept of solo travel,” Wyant admits. “This was in the ’80s before the online world. You had to know another woman who had solo traveled [to get advice]. Now the internet is awash with blog after blog saying, ‘Rah rah! You can do it!’ We didn’t even have guides; we didn’t have mentors or examples.” On her first day in Italy, Wyant “felt more me, more at home than I ever had.” But Italy was just the beginning. The two young women traveled together for four months before Wyant’s friend had to return to the States for work. Wyant, however, wasn’t ready to go

home. “I started solo traveling at that point,” she says. “Bizarrely, we split up in Istanbul, which was the most foreign city I’d ever been to.” She got lost twice in her first 24 hours and found help from local men. “I realized then that the world isn’t the scary, dangerous place that the American media often told us it is,” she says. Then and there Wyant defined guidelines for her future travels; she vowed to rid her mind of the voices of the media; to carry the idea that people are good; and to embrace the world in the hope that “it will embrace me back.” “After that first trip I really had the bug,” Wyant says. “I went back to Santa Cruz, California, where I’m from and completed college. I didn’t even go through the graduation ceremony.” Instead, she and her boyfriend at the time traveled through Europe, India and even Siberia for a year and a half. Back in the U.S., she eventually picked up a master’s degree in Florentine Renaissance, learned Italian, got married, lived in Silicon Valley for a bit and finally settled with her husband in Boulder. She taught histosee PILGRIMAGE Page 20

May 4 , 2017 19


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ry at Front Range Community College, in part to help young minds view the world in a more nuanced way. But after a decade, Wyant found her marriage crumbling. As the pieces of her life fell away, she turned to her first love, Italy, to regroup. • • • • When Wyant first arrived in Tuscany, she, and the doctor she saw, thought she’d contracted a virus, but within a few hours she was suddenly and immediately faced with a life-or-death situation. Recovery was made even harder as she faced her divorce. “It was this double whammy because the divorce was more painful than I anticipated and then there was this incredibly weakened physical state,” Wyant says. “Trauma stays in your body and you don’t realize how much it affects you. That kind of made the divorce stuck in my body as well. I couldn’t release things.” She continued to feel this sensation of treading emotional water as she tried to heal at home in Colorado. It took about a year before Wyant made the decision to walk across Italy. “I didn’t know about the pilgrimage route,” she says. “I thought about going from the West to the East, but I couldn’t quite put it together in my head how that would work: How do I know where to go? If there’s no route it makes no sense. I kept pushing it aside, [thinking] ‘you’ve gotta get a job, you’ve gotta be practical.’ I had to work through that and learn about following my heart and not my head. My head has always gotten in the way.” She turned to a forum called Slow Travel to query the group about walking through Italy — Wyant says they were “horrified” by the notion — and finally a woman told Wyant about the Via Francigena. Many folks have heard of the Camino de Santiago pilgrimage trail in Spain while being wholly unfamiliar with the Via Francigena (though that seems to be changing). These are holy paths leading to the final resting places of great saints, often taken by members of the clergy, sometimes as a way of paying penance for past sins. The Italian route is based off of the diary of Sigeric the Serious (seriously), who in A.D. 990 was made Archbishop of Canterbury and had to travel to Rome to receive a holy garment known as the pallium. The entire Via Francigena, from Canterbury to St. Peter’s in Rome, is around 1,300 miles (2,083 kilometers). Wyant wasn’t about to take that on — it takes about four months. She was prepared, however, to trek most of the Italian part of the route, which starts at the Gran San Bernardo Pass near the Swiss border. Since that portion of the trail is often closed until June because of snow, Wyant launched her late-May trek further south in Fidenza, a town just north of Parma in the Emilia-Romagna region. It was 2009, just less than a year after her appendix ruptured. She planned to walk for 40 days — a number with great significance in the Hebrew Bible. Wyant learned a lot and she learned it fast. The hybrid sandals and lightweight trail shoes that had served her well on the soft mountain trails in Colorado and California were ill-suited for the paved roads she was walking on the Via Francigena. Her 19-pound pack was far too heavy. Things got easier when she dropped six pounds from the pack. Some days Wyant was exhausted and hitched rides into the nearest town to rest. She was slowly but surely developing plantar fasciitis, an inflammation of the tissue that runs from the heel to the toes. The pain was unbearable. She felt guilt about having to take rides, but that subsided when she bumped into a Dutch couple on the route who were also taking rides from time to time when the exhaustion was overwhelming. That’s when Wyant says she learned the real meaning of pilgrimage. “Everyone’s pilgrimage is their own. It’s not so much that you’re walking the whole time, it’s that you’re releasing what you need to release, you’re tuning in more, you’re listening.” At the end of 30 days, Wyant knew it was time to end her pilgrimage. She’d walked 264 miles. Wyant left Boulder for her native California soon after her journey. She knew it wasn’t her last dance with Italy. In the early spring of this year, Wyant moved to the Italian countryside, near Lucca, where she’s leading two-day walks on the “prettiest part” of the Via Francigena in Tuscany and blogging about how to move to Italy. Visit www.paradiseofexiles.com for more about Chandi Wyant or to purchase her book, Return to Glow: A Pilgrimage of Transformation in Italy. Boulder Weekly


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buzz

D

avid Crosby loves science fiction novels. Yes, that David Crosby. The mustachioed troubadour; the man who almost cut his hair; the shadow captain himself; the bard who took the head of the bill in Crosby, Stills, Nash and (sometimes) Young — but only because it rolls off the tongue best in that order (at least that’s how he explains it). That David Crosby really loves sci-fi novels. He’s loved them since he was a child. Loves Robert Heinlein, the oft-called “dean of science fiction novels.” Loves Heinlein so much that he managed to wind up as a bit character in a Heinlein novel in 2006. Since Heinlein died in 1988, there’s some nuance to that story. You see, Crosby’s friends with Spider Robinson, himself an acclaimed sci-fi writer. In the early-tomid aughts, Robinson took seven pages of an outline Heinlein penned in 1955 and shaped it into a novel. The result is Variable Star, a story about a young musician who joins the crew of a starship as a way of escaping from a failed romance. With his storied career in rock ‘n’ roll, his wellknown love of sailing and the death of his longtime girlfriend Christine Hinton is 1969, Variable Star could be a sci-fi recast of Crosby’s real life. But it’s not. Crosby helped Robinson work out a tune for some lyrics in the first chapter of the novel, and, as a nod to his friend, Robinson gave Crosby a cameo (using his middle name as his surname): “Second Officer David van Cortlandt, tall and portly, Boulder Weekly

Henry Diltz

AT 75, DAVID CROSBY IS FREER THAN EVER AND JUST AS OPINIONATED BY CAITLIN ROCKETT with a flowing white walrus mustache, a receding mane of white hair, and extremely well-developed smile wrinkles — which he too was exercising.” So it’s no surprise when Crosby brings up sci-fi first thing. He’s in Portland when he calls to chat. It’s 11 a.m. there and Crosby, in true rockstar form, responds, “I’m awake” when asked how he’s doing. In anti-rockstar form, he laughs heartily. He’s two weeks into his David Crosby and Friends tour in support of his upcoming album Sky Trails, his third solo work in as many years. Before 2014’s Croz, it had been more than 20 years since Crosby had released a solo record of totally new material, 1993’s Thousand Roads. “Oh, man, you do wanna see this place,” he says of Portland, taking on the tone of an old friend just calling to catch up on life. “Portland has the best bookstore in the United States of America.” He’s talking about Powell’s City of Books, the largest independent bookstore in the States. Indeed, it’s the book lover’s Arcadia. He’s just finished the latest Carl Hiaasen book, Razor Girl, and he’s about to crack into another sci-fi novel. He reads for pleasure, but escapism isn’t what Crosby seeks in sci-fi.

“There’s no limit to what can happen. Anything can happen. I love that; it’s just unlimited possibility.” The man who played in a band with Neil Young, partied with Mama Cass, jammed with Garcia, Hart and Lesh, and fathered Melissa Etheridge’s twins is a total nerd. But the conversation turns, as it inevitably must with a man known for his political activism, toward the kind of sci-fi world we now inhabit with a misogynistic, abusive reality television star sitting in the Oval Office. Crosby’s never been one to mince words about anything (i.e., his strong and vocal displeasure at friend Neil Young’s relationship with actress Daryl Hannah, whom Crosby called a “purely poisonous predator” circa 2014, a move that at least partially contributed to the seemingly irreparable break between Crosby and Graham Nash — but more on that later). In a time of drone strikes, populist movements, Muslim bans, police brutality, Richard Spencer and not-so-secret Russian connections, Crosby’s sure as hell not planning to clam up now. May 4 marks the 47th anniversary of the Kent State shootings that birthed one of CSN’s (Crosby, see CROSBY Page 24

May 4 , 2017 23


CROSBY from Page 23

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Stills and Nash, for or what they look like. ON THE BILL: David those of you unacThey are human beings Crosby & Friends. 7 p.m. Sunday, May 7, Boulder quainted) most cherand they deserve not to Theater, 203214th St., 303ished and pointed have their children 786-7030. SOLD OUT. songs, “Ohio.” When drown in the surf.” Crosby looks back on Crosby’s never shied the past, it seems times away from taking polihaven’t changed much at all. tics to the stage because, as he’s been “I think you’re seeing people acting in known to say, contemporary musicians ways that remind you of how [former are the descendants of the “troubadours Ohio Governor Jim Rhodes] acted [in and town criers” of the middle ages. 1970]… that wound up with the four “It isn’t the main thrust of our job. kids getting killed. Very bad, reactionary The main part of our job is to make you stuff and really putting complete boogie and to take you on little emotional untruths out there,” Crosby says. “They voyages and make you happy. But part of were saying that these [students] were all our job — only part — is to notice when Commie agitators and outside infiltrators something’s really not OK. When a that were rousing our students and they country starts killing its own children it’s fed them a line of bullshit and then put pretty bad. At that point we should speak bullets in the gun. It was terrible. When up and say, ‘Hey, it’s 12 o’clock and all is a country starts killing it’s own children, well’ or, ‘Hey, it’s 12 o’clock and you’ve just elected an imbecile to run our counyou’re in deep trouble.” try.’ You can’t do it all the time because Michael Brown. Trayvon Martin. Tamir Rice. Tony Robinson. All unarmed then you’re preaching. And it’s much betblack men under the age of 20 shot by law ter to set an example than to preach.” For as fired up as Crosby is (and enforcement officers in 2014 and 2015. always has been), he says he’s happier than Looks like we’re still in deep trouble. ever. There have been some hard times And getting deeper. (he recently sold Mayan, his beloved 1947 “As incredible as it sounds, Nixon was actually better than this guy,” Crosby Alden centerboard schooner that he’d owned for 45 years — it was the “deep says of Trump, a man to whom he libermuse” that inspired songs like “Wooden ally applies the term idiot. Ships” and “Shadow Captain” — because “This is a guy who has never made money was tight), but he never ignores love in his life. He’s only been served. the absolute wonder that is his life. That’s the only thing that’s happened. He gets to work with his son, James You know it. And he’s an idiot. That’s Raymond, both in the studio and on tour what we’re all worried about. He’s an — a real gift as Raymond was placed for imbecile. He’s making terrible mistakes adoption at birth and only reunited with every day.” Crosby’s current musical prolificacy is Crosby as an adult. Crosby says their reunion was never angry, never accusatory. at least in part due to his concern about Raymond — an accomplished prothe trajectory of the U.S. and the world. ducer and musician before even knowing And he doesn’t save his condemnation David Crosby was his father — has said for conservative politicians. that he’s just riding on his father’s coatIn 2014, Crosby released Croz, the tails, a notion at which Crosby scoffs. first solo album in his recent flood of “No, I don’t think so. I think he’s material. While Croz weaves the kind of picked up my coattails and he’s dragging eloquent tales of love lost, love unreme along by them.” quited, love celebrated and love eternal Crosby’s got another — yes, another for which Crosby is known, it doesn’t — album of fresh material already in the ignore a world that often seems bereft pipeline. of love. “Morning Falling” takes a shot And as for the question everyone at Barack Obama via the somber narraasks: No, he hasn’t spoken to Graham tive of an Afghani family killed by a Nash. CSN is out of the question, but drone strike. Crosby would be open to CSNY because In 2016’s Lighthouse — a return to “Neil always pushes the envelope.” Crosby’s acoustic roots — he touches on But at 75, it seems Crosby is freer on the global refugee crisis in “Look in his own. Sure, leaving CSN was “like Their Eyes,” inspired by a friend who diving off a cliff ” and making his solo provides aid to refugees in Greece. albums was “like growing wings half way “So she told me what it was like pulling dead children out of the surf and I see down the cliff,” but he’s happy. No more “turning on the smoke machine and how [refugees] turn into this political playing the hits.” football once they get there,” Crosby says. “Well, I believe it’s gonna be alright,” “What the politicians are doing in Europe he says. “I don’t believe I’m gonna make and elsewhere, how they were used in money, but that’s not why I came to the Brexit, how they’ve been so violently treated by people all over... They’re human party in the first place.” Party on, Croz. beings. I don’t care what religion they are Boulder Weekly


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overtones Boulder Chamber Orchestra offers a journey from darkness to joy

B

eethoven’s Ninth Symphony has become the ultimate summit for many in the musical world: conductors, orchestras, singers and audiences. The symphony, and especially the last movement with its text proclaiming that “all men become brothers,” has become equal parts an artistic, spiritual and political icon of Western culture. It’s the first choice for orchestras celebrating everything from an important anniversary to the 1989 fall of the Berlin Wall, when Leonard Bernstein conducted a multi-national performance in the city where the wall once stood. As the culmination of their 13th season, the Bahman Saless and Boulder Chamber Orchestra (BCO) will reach that summit Friday at Macky Auditorium, with additional performances in Lakewood on Saturday, May 6 and Lone Tree on Sunday, May 7. Performing with the BCO will be the Boulder Chorale and soloists Szilvia Schranz, soprano, Rebecca Robinson, mezzo-soprano, Jason Baldwin, tenor, and Malcolm Ulbrick, bass. As it has for many orchestras, the Ninth closes the cycle of the Beethoven symphonies for BCO. It’s a large undertaking for a small orchestra, but it was a goal that Saless and BCO could not pass up. “It’s the last Beethoven symphony we haven’t done yet,” Saless says. “We sat together with the board and said, ‘Well,

ON THE BILL: Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony/Ode to Joy. Boulder Chamber Orchestra, Bahman Saless, conductor, with Boulder Chorale, Szilvia Schranz, soprano, Rebecca Robinson, mezzo-soprano, Jason Baldwin, tenor, and Malcolm Ulbrick, bass. 7:30 p.m. Friday, May 7, Macky Auditorium, 1595 Pleasant St.,

Boulder Weekly

Keith Bob/ Courtesy of the Boulder Chamber Orchestra

Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony is the culmination of the 13th season

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NEW HOURS: 10AM - 7PM DAILY we’ve done all the eight, what are we going to do next?’ So it just kind of made sense from a historic point of view.” To match the 115 singers of the Boulder Chorale, BCO has added a handful of string players, but otherwise it remains essentially a chamber orchestra. One result of using a relatively small string section is that the winds become more prominent in the overall sound of the ensemble. “You are going to hear a lot of interesting things,” Saless says. “The winds and the brass are going to play a much bigger role. What’s written for the woodwinds and brass is outstanding, and I’m hoping we’re going to hear all of this in a different light than how we’ve heard Beethoven’s Ninth all these years. There’s going to be some serious surprises.” From the very first movement, Saless sees the Ninth Symphony in an unusual light. “The whole beginning section is a burial scene, where Beethoven is burying old ideas,” he says. “He’s literally digging the ground and throwing the old ideas in the grave. That explains the darkness of the first movement. It’s amazing! And then every movement is a little step further away from the past.” In Saless’ interpretation, after that dark beginning, the symphony gets less and less serious as it proceeds. “It gets lighter and lighter and lighter,” he says. “And by the end of it he’s making jokes. There are certain things that jump out,

Boulder, (Unity Concert). 7:30 p.m. Saturday, Lakewood Cultural Center, 470 S. Allison Parkway, Lakewood. 2 p.m. Sunday, May 7, Lone Tree Arts Center, 10075 Commons St., Lone Tree. Information and tickets: (303) 583-1278 www.boulderchamberorchestra. com/test/

and I don’t think they are mistakes. I think he is purposely trying to do funny and ridiculous, especially in the finale.” He hopes that the audience won’t be afraid to laugh when they hear something funny. “A lot of people think just because they are going to a classical concert, it’s like sitting in a church: they have to be quiet and not have emotions. But in Beethoven it’s absolutely the opposite. You’re supposed to get these crazy reactions, because of his humor and his irony. That irony has to come out and it’s just all over the place.” Saless points particularly to the “Turkish March” section of the last movement. Its bouncing rhythm and cymbals and offbeat accents don’t seem to fit with the more exalted portions of the “Ode to Joy.” The beginning, a series of rude noises in the lowest voices of the orchestra, makes some listeners uncomfortable. “Conductors just don’t take advantage of that and bring it out,” Saless says. “A lot of people have been hiding things that feel like it’s not appropriate to their interpretation. I’m hoping we will get a lot of this humor out during these performances. The trumpet part is like a cartoon, but when you hear it in that light, you think, ‘Ah! Of course he meant to do this!’” Turning to the overall message of the symphony, one of universal brotherhood, Saless says, “It’s a very timely piece of music, given how we are all [feeling] a little bit uncertain about our values.” In that spirit, the Boulder performance is billed by BCO as a “Unity Concert,” with the opportunity for audience members to select among four nonprofit groups —American Civil Liberties Union, Out Boulder, Emergency Family Assistance and Sierra Club — to receive a portion of the proceeds. But most of all he wants the audience to enjoy the emotional arc of the symphony. “It just keeps getting lighter and lighter and more joyous,” he says. “I’m hoping that all comes out throughout the hour and five minutes.”

THURSDAY MAY 4 7:00 PM

LIVE FACULTY TALK: TWO EPIC POLAR EXPLORERSDISASTER AND SUCCESS 9:00 PM

LIQUID SKY: MICHAEL JACKSON SATURDAY MAY 6 1:00 PM

PLANETS AND LASER GALACTIC ODYSSEY 2:30 PM

SOLAR SUPERSTORMS 7:00 PM

LIVE FACULTY TALK: TWO EPIC POLAR EXPLORERSDISASTER AND SUCCESS 10:00 PM

MLIMA LIVE CONCERT SUNDAY MAY 7 10:30 AM

YOGA IN THE DOME 12:00 PM

DOUBLE FEATURE: LIFE OF TREES / PERSEUS & ANDROMEDA 1:30 PM

STARS AND LASER ROBOT ROCK 3:00 PM

DREAM TO FLY 4:30 PM

DYNAMIC EARTH 7:00 PM

LIVE TALK: EDISON AND THE ECLIPSE THAT ENLIGHTENED AMERICA

Fiske Planetarium - Regent Drive

(Next to Coors Event Center, main campus CU Boulder)

www.colorado.edu/fiske 303-492-5002 May 4 , 2017 27


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Boulder Weekly


arts & culture Politics aren’t a team sport Just ask comedian W. Kamau Bell by Angela K. Evans

W

. Kamau Bell has been busy these last few years. As a sociopolitical comedian who hosts three podcasts and a CNN documentary series, there’s been plenty of material to work with. Plus, he’s the proud dad of two daughters, and he released his first book on May 2, titled The Awkward Thoughts of W. Kamau Bell: Tales of a 6’ 4”, African American, Heterosexual, Cisgender, LeftLeaning, Asthmatic, Black and Proud Blerd, Mama’s Boy, Dad, and Stand-Up Comedian. In addition to a book tour, he’s currently touring his stand-up, which brings him to Boulder Theater on Thursday, May 11. So yeah, he’s been busy. Or in his words, his life feels “hectic and frantic,” much like the current state of affairs in the country. “If I don’t say the word Trump on stage at some point during my set, I’m probably not doing my job,” Bell says. The same can be said about journalism, I point out. “Right. You can be a food reporter talking about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and you have to talk about Donald Trump.” Bell’s disarming chuckle is interspersed throughout the conversation. It’s the same laugh that peppers his commentary on the CNN series The United Shades of America, his podcasts and stand-up act. It’s both genuine and potentially necessary given he makes a living by bringing up uncomfortable topics and finding the humor in them. “I’m talking about people’s humanity, and the way in which I see my humanity, or where I see people not really being treated in the full scope of their humanity,” Bell says. He doesn’t just provide commentary on relevant issues from a distant stage. He engages them, and does so with people around the country who hold Boulder Weekly

viewpoints very different from his own. United Shades premiered its second season on April 30 with a somewhat controversial episode featuring white supremacist Richard Spencer, who’s credited with coining the phrase “altright.” “No, I didn’t want to punch him,” Bell says, answering a question posed by a friend. “I wanted to expose him. I want people to hear what he has to say.” Some may say this is giving Spencer and his ideas a platform, but Bell dis-

agrees. It isn’t in any way a form of validation. It’s an acknowledgement that these ideas are out there in the world... and in the White House. And Bell presents them part and parcel with his conviction that in the end racial justice will win. “A lot of people who are mad definitely haven’t seen [the episode],” Bell says. “Richard Spencer is a part of it. He’s surrounded by beautiful stories of immigrants and refugees, but those stories don’t mean as much, they don’t carry as much heat, unless you show that there are people in this country actively working against those immigrants and refugees.” Plus, Spencer isn’t even the most surprising thing about season two. In his quest to showcase all of the seem-

ON THE BILL: W. Kamau Bell. 7 p.m. Thursday, May 11, Boulder Theater, 2032 14th St., Boulder, 303786-7030.

ingly different stories, lives and communities that make up America, Bell is discovering how similar we all really are. Take for example two upcoming episodes, one about gang violence on the West and South Side of Chicago and another about the overwhelming poverty white communities experience in Appalachia. “Both groups were like, ‘We need jobs, we need better schools, we need to figure this out,’” he says. “When you strip away the partisan, sort of the team-sport nature of Stuart Tracte our electoral politics, a lot of people want the same things. They want to strengthen their communities for their kids and for themselves so they can provide more for their family.” Which inevitably brings us back to Donald Trump, and how the president treats these two groups very differently despite their similarities. In Appalachia, he promises jobs, in Chicago he threatens to send in the National Guard. “If a president said, ‘I’m going to focus on the 100 poorest communities in this country and we’re going to work to give those communities tax breaks so businesses will invest in those communities and create jobs,’” Bell says, “who’s upset about that?” By giving voice to people’s stories from around the country, Bell’s goal is to dismantle stereotypes, to expose biases and make people think about the world beyond themselves. He understands it can be frustrating for some to listen to people like Spencer. But instead of avoiding that frustration, Bell begs us to do something about it. “White people, talk to your white people about Richard Spencer because he’s on your account,” he says. “Just like Ben Carson is on my account.” There’s that chuckle again.

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Boulder Weekly


Courtesy of Fox Theatre

TREV RICH

9 p.m. Saturday, May, 6, Fox Theatre, 1135 13th St., Boulder, 303-447-0095. SEE EVENTS PAGE 32

Old’s Cool Rock Dance Party: A fundraiser for Rocky Mountain Peace and Justice Center

SpringLEAF (Lafayette Electronic Arts Festival)

7:30 p.m. Saturday, May 6, Unity Spiritual Center of Boulder, 2855 Folsom St., 303-442-1411.

May 5-6, Founder’s Hall, Center for Musical Arts, 200 East Baseline Rd., Lafayette, 303-665-0599.

Join Old’s Cool Rock, one of Boulder’s finest oldies cover bands, for a dance party as fun as it is philanthropic. Proceeds support the Rocky Mountain Peace and Justice Center’s activism work, including its environmental advocacy, nonviolence training events and opposition to the Trans-Pacific Partnership. The event will feature two informal dance competitions. Strap on those dancing shoes and boogie down for a good cause. Tickets are $10-$20. — Billy Singleton

Boulder Weekly

Rodney Boles

The Lafayette Electronic Arts Festival returns for two days of tech-and-art-themed education and entertainment. The festival kicks off Friday at 7 p.m. with a series of performances based on electronic creativity. Saturday’s program features a series of electronics workshops (including “circuit-bending” and synthesizer-building), and a short-film program dealing with all things technological and creative. Admission is free, and donations are appreciated. — Billy Singleton

Compassion Experience

photo

May 5-8, Calvary Bible Church, Erie Campus, 615 Evans St., Erie, 303-442-3484. Compassion International The Compassion Experience is a traveling multimedia exhibit depicting the hardships of impoverished children around the world, while raising money to support them. As attendees walk through several rooms modeled after the harsh conditions of impoverished communities, they are immersed in the realities of life in many other countries in the headphone-guided tour. Compassion International, a Christian, nonprofit, child sponsorship organization headquartered in Colorado Springs, hopes to raise awareness of global poverty and raise money with the exhibit. — Billy Singleton

May 4 , 2017 31


EVENTS from Page 31

Thursday, May 4 Music Baby One More Time. 9 p.m. Fox Theatre, 1135 13th St., Boulder, 303-447-0095.

May 5

WHISKEY BLANKET w / Hwy 50

May TIERRO BAND Feat. Bridget Law 6 w / Patrick Latella & Aerial by MaQi

Beginning Flamenco. 6:30 p.m. Kay Carol Gallery & Priscila Working Art Studio, Longmont, 303-9560703. Bluegrass Pickers. 7 p.m. West Flanders Brewing, 1125 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-447-BREW. Boulder Swing Collective. 8:30 p.m. Waterloo, 809 South Main St., Louisville, 303-993-2094. Ladies Night with Groovalicious. 7:30 p.m. Nissi’s, 2675 Northpark Drive, Lafayette, 303-6652757. Open Mic Night. 9 p.m. Outback Saloon, 3141 28th St., Boulder, 573-569-0370. Events

words

Courtesy of Boulder Book Store

Where’s Momo? He’s at Boulder Book Store on May 10 with his owner Andrew Knapp and his new book, Let’s Find Momo! Thursday, May 4 RD Armstrong, Jack Gebhardt, Diane Klammer, Jerry Smaldone, Jarred Smith and Kyle Laws. 7 p.m. Innisfree Poetry Bookstore & Cafe, 1301 Pennsylvania Ave., Boulder, 303-495-3303. Saturday, May 6 Robert Hyatt. 4 p.m. Innisfree Poetry Bookstore & Cafe, 1301 Pennsylvania Ave., Boulder, 303495-3303.

May WHITE WATER 12 RAMBLE

Boulder Potters’ Guild 2017 Spring Show and Sale. 10 a.m. Boulder County Fairgrounds, 9595 Nelson Road, Longmont, 303-383-3900. Craig Childs: Footsteps of the First People. 7 p.m. Chautauqua Community House, 900 Baseline Road, Boulder, 303-442-3282.

Embodied Poetics. 7 p.m. Innisfree Poetry Bookstore & Cafe, 1301 Pennsylvania Ave., Boulder, 303-495-3303.

Lennard Zinn and Chris Case — The Haywire Heart. 7:30 p.m. Boulder Book Store, 1107 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-447-2074.

May FLATIRONS 13 JAZZ ORCHESTRA

Directing Professional and Non-Professional Talent. 6 p.m. Boulder Digital Arts, 1600 Range St., Boulder, 303-800-4647.

“So, You’re a Poet” Open Poetry Reading. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628.

Wednesday, May 10

Mountain Kids Storytime. 12 p.m. WOW! Children’s Museum, 110 N. Harrison Ave., Lafayette, 303-604-2424.

Tuesday, May 9

Andrew Knapp and Momo — Let’s Find Momo. 5:30 p.m. Boulder Book Store, 1107 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-447-2074.

Innisfree Weekly Open Poetry Reading. 7 p.m. Innisfree Poetry Bookstore & Cafe, 1301 Pennsylvania Ave., Boulder, 303-495-3303.

Mark Bekoff and Jessica Pierce — The Animals Agenda. 5:30 p.m. Boulder Book Store, 1107 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-447-2074.

w / The Pat Fiddle Trio

Swing Dance Class & Show

May TROUT STEAK REVIVAL 19

Trivia & Comedy. 7 p.m. Johnny’s Cigar Bar, 1801 13th St., Boulder, 970-302-7130.

May 20

Friday, May 5

w / 300 Days

PAT FIDDLE’S ELECTRIC HARTFORD Feat. Pete Wernick

May NEW FAMILY DOG Feat. Sally 27

Van Meter & The Mile High Horns

w / Zydecoasters

June 9 June 30

THE DUSTBOWL REVIVAL

Monday, May 8

Wildflowers of Boulder County Slide Program. 7 p.m. Louisville Public Library, 951 Spruce St., Louisville, 303-335-4849. Music Aimee Mann and Jonathan Coulton. 7 p.m. Boulder Theater, 2032 14th St., Boulder, 303-786-7030. Block 1750 Presents: Street Cyphers. 6 p.m. Block 1750, 1750 30th St., Boulder, 303-618-9778. Bonnie Lowdermilk. 7 p.m. Caffè Sole, 637 S. Broadway St., Boulder, 303-499-2985. Boulder Chamber Orchestra Presents Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony. 7:30 p.m. Macky Auditorium, 1595 Pleasant St., Boulder, 303-5831278. Cantabile Sings Leonard Bernstein’s Chichester Psalms. 7:30 p.m. First Congregational Church, 1128 Pine St., Boulder, 720-204-8806.

theater

Courtesy of The Dairy

She Rode Horses Like the Stock Exchange explores American Privilege in these troubling times, presented by Square Product Theatre at The Dairy through May 13.

Dreamers Delight and Friends + Frameworks. 8:30 p.m. Fox Theatre, 1135 13th St., Boulder, 303-447-0095.

w / The Screaming J’s

Espresso! Swing & Gypsy Jazz. 5 p.m. Cheese Importers, 103 Main St., Longmont, 303-772-9599.

THE ALCAPONES & FOXFEATHER

Fiesta Fundraiser with Acoustic Ambush. 6 p.m. Fresh Thymes Eatery, 2500 30th St., Suite 101, Boulder, 303-955-7988.

Dark of the Moon. Nomad Playhouse, 1410 Quince Ave., 303-443-7510. Through May 7.

Friday Open Pick. 6 p.m. Cellar West Artisan Ales, 1001 Lee Hill Drive, Suite 10, Boulder, 262-7198795.

Disgraced. Denver Performing Arts Complex, 1345 Champa St., Denver, 720-865-4239. Through May 7.

LIVE MUSIC SPECIAL EVENTS PARTIES RECEPTIONS & MORE

Live Music. 6 p.m. Upslope Brewing Company (Lee Hill), 1501 Lee Hill Drive Unit 20, Boulder, 303-3961898.

/thecaribouroom 303.258.3637 www.thecaribouroom.com

Opening Night with Foxfeather. 9 p.m. The Gold Hill Inn, 401 Main St. Gold Hill, Boulder, 303-443-6461.

NEDERLAND 32 May 4 , 2017

Live Music & Reading. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-4404628. Maya Bennett. 6:30 p.m. Still Cellars, 1115 Colorado Ave., Longmont, 720-204-6064.

Disenchanted. BDT Stage, 5501 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder, 303-449-6000. Through May 6.

The Secret Garden. Denver Performing Arts Complex, 1345 Champa St., Denver, 720-865-4239. Through May 28. She Rode Horses Like the Stock Exchange — presented by Square Product Theatre. The Dairy Arts Center, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-440-7826. Through May 13. Monty Python’s Spamalot. Longmont Theatre Company. 513 Main St., Longmont, 303-7725200. Through May 14. Testament of Mary — presented by Goddess Here Productions. The Dairy Arts Center, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-440-7826. Through May 13. Travelers of the Lost Dimension. Denver Performing Arts Complex, 1345 Champa St., Denver, 720-865-4239. Through May 21.

see EVENTS Page 34

Boulder Weekly


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May 4 , 2017 33


EVENTS from Page 32

Papa Juke. 10 p.m. Pioneer Inn, 15 E. First St., Nederland, 303-258-7733.

arts

Soul Sacrifice, A Tribute To Santana. 7:30 p.m. Nissi’s, 2675 Northpark Drive, Lafayette, 303-6652757. Vox Libera in Concert. 7:30 p.m. Grace Church, 1001 13th St., Boulder, 303-442-1883.

46th Annual Jeffco Schools Foundation High School Art Exhibition. Arvada Center, 6901 Wadsworth Blvd., Arvada, 720-898-7200. Through May 7.

Whiskey Blanket with Highway 50. 7:30 p.m. The Caribou Room, 55 Indian Peaks Drive, Nederland, 303-258-3637.

Basquiat Before Basquiat East 12th Street, 1979-1980. Museum of Contemporary Art, 1485 Delgany St., Denver, 303-298-7554. Through May 14. Bawdy Bodies: Satires of Unruly Women. CU Art Museum, 1085 18th St., Boulder, 303-4928300. Through June 24.

Events

Live Entertainment Nightly at our 1709 Pearl St location THURSDAY MAY 4

GREG ADAMS 8PM BRYCE MERRITT 9PM FRIDAY MAY 4

BELLA DURO/MAX DAVIES & TONI OSWALD/SARAH ELIZABETH SCHANTZ/ DREAM HARLOWE SATURDAY MAY 6

DUSTY STRAY 8PM EARTH TO AARON 9PM SUNDAY MAY 7 8PM

BARKING AT DOTS W/ SOPHIE KLOOR MONDAY MAY 8 8PM “SO YOU’RE A POET” PRESENTS

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Colorado Mosaic Artists. Community Art Program Gallery, NCAR, 1850 Table Mesa Drive, Boulder, 303-497-1174. Through June 2. Dylan Gebbia Richards: Eclipse. Boulder Museum of Contempoarary Art, 1750 13th St., 303-443-2122. Through May 29.

Boulder Potters’ Guild 2017 Spring Show and Sale. 10 a.m. Boulder County Fairgrounds, 9595 Nelson Road, Longmont, 303-383-3900.

Home: American photography at the CU Art Museum. CU Art Museum, 1085 18th St., Boulder, 303-492-8300. Through July 15. I’ll Fly Away — Ashley Hope Carlisle. The Dairy Arts Center, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-440-7826. Through June 11.

Cinco De Mayo. 11 a.m. Centro Mexican Kitchen, 950 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-442-7771.

Linda Scholes, Carpe Diem, Jeffco Teacher Solo Exhibition. Arvada Center, 6901 Wadsworth Blvd., Arvada, 720-898-7200. Through May 7. Mathias Kessler: Artifacts & Other Errors of Perception. Boulder Museum of Contemporary Art, 1750 13th St., 303-443-2122. Through May 29.

Cinco De Mayo Tequila Tasting Party. 6 p.m. Por Wine House, 836 1/2 Main St., Louisville, 720-6661386. Colorado Beer Lovers. 6 p.m. Dabble Paint and Sip Studio, 2330 Main St., Unit E, Longmont, 303-8273523. Dance Nia. 6 p.m. Longmont Recreation Center, 310 Quail Road, Longmont, 303-774-4800.

Mi Tierra. Denver Art Museum, 100 W. 14th Ave. Parkway, Denver, 720-865-5000. Through Oct. 22. Naomi Scheck: Hewn, Jeffco Alumni Exhibition. Arvada Center, 6901 Wadsworth Blvd., Arvada, 720-898-7200. Through May 7. Once Removed: Photography by Evan Anderman. Boulder Museum of Contemporary Art, 1750 13th St., 303-443-2122. Through May 19.

Catch the last week of Basquiat Before Basquiat East 12th Street, 1979-1980 to learn more about the formation of an artist.

Ryan McGinley: The Kids Were Alright. Museum of Contemporary Art, 1485 Delgany St., Denver, 303-298-7554. Through Aug. 20. Shade. Denver Art Museum, 100 W. 14th Ave. Parkway, Denver, 720865-5000. Through July 16. Then, Now, Next. Denver Art Museum, 100 W. 14th Ave. Parkway, Denver, 720-865-5000. Through Aug. 31.

FamilySong Music Class. 11 a.m. Harmony Music House, 2525 Broadway St., Boulder, 303-641-8901.

Tran-‘zi-sh(e)n & ‘Chanj. The Dairy Arts Center, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-440-7826. Through June 18.

First Friday Film Night: Student Films. 7 p.m. Firehouse Art Center, 667 Fourth Ave., Longmont, 303-651-2787.

Wall Writers: Graffiti in its Innocence. Museum of Contemporary Art, 1485 Delgany St., Denver, 303-298-7554. Through May 7.

NoBo Art District First Friday Artwalk. 7 p.m. Mandala Infusion, 4479 Broadway, Boulder, 303523-1117. NoBo Art District First Friday Artwalk. 6 p.m. Viriditas, 4939 Broadway, Suite 65, Boulder, 303523-1117.

Quemando Cinco De Mayo Salsa Party. 9 p.m. Ado’s Kitchen and Bar, 1343 13th St., Boulder, 720-465-9063.

MLIMA with Dandu. 10 p.m. Fiske Planetarium, 2414 Regent Drive, Boulder, 303-492-5002. Tierro Band featuring Bridget Law. 7:30 p.m. The Caribou Room, 55 Indian Peaks Drive, Nederland, 303-258-3637. WIGOUT VI: Ghost Ship. 9 p.m. Boulder House, 1109 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-449-4453. Events

Music

A Night at the Midnight Potato Museum. 7 p.m. Firehouse Art Center, 667 Fourth Ave., Longmont, 303-651-2787.

Barrel of Blues. 6:30 p.m. Front Range Brewing Co., 400 W. South Boulder Road, Lafayette, 720398-8172.

Boulder Potters’ Guild 2017 Spring Show and Sale. 9 a.m. Boulder County Fairgrounds, 9595 Nelson Road, Longmont, 303-383-3900.

Dave Honig. 6 p.m. Uturn BBQ, 599 Crossing Drive, Lafayette, 303-993-6033.

Camera Movement: Dollies, Sliders and Jibs. 1 p.m. Boulder Digital Arts, 1600 Range St., Boulder, 303-800-4647.

Saturday, May 6

THURSDAY MAY 11

Colorado Lowriders. Longmont Museum, 400 Quail Road, Longmont, 303-651-8374. Through May 31.

Photograph by Alexis Adler

Third Annual Wild Game Cook-off. 6 p.m. Großen Bart Brewery, 1025 Delaware Ave., Longmont, 214770-9847.

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Barley-Har-Har Comedy Open Mic Night. 9 p.m. 300 Suns Brewing, 335 First Ave., Unit C, Longmont, 720-442-8292.

Down in the Round. 8 p.m. Dona Laurita Gallery, 820 Main St., Louisville, 303-956-6702. Earth to Aaron Live. 9 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 856-952-4794. Happy Hour Live Jazz. 5:30 p.m. Tandoori Grill South, 619 S. Broadway, Boulder, 303-543-7339. Last Men On Earth. 9 p.m. The Wild Game Longmont, 2251 Ken Pratt Blvd., Suite A, Longmont. MaryLynn Gillaspie. 7 p.m. Caffè Sole, 637 S. Broadway St., Boulder, 303-499-2985. The Miner’s Ghost and Annie Savage. 11 a.m. The Post Chicken & Beer, 1258 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 720-600-9131.

Colorado Pole Championship. 8 p.m. Boulder Theater, 2032 14th St., Boulder, 303-786-7030. Final Cut Pro X Hands-On. 9 a.m. Boulder Digital Arts, 1600 Range St., Boulder, 303-800-4647. Free Comic Book Day 2017. 10 a.m. Time Warp Comics, 3105 28th St., Boulder, 303-443-4500. Gluten Free Tasting Expo & Health Fair. 11 a.m. Natural Grocers, 100 W. South Boulder Road, Lafayette, 303-926-1600. A Handmade Mother’s Day. 10 a.m. Community UCC, 2650 Table Mesa Drive, Boulder, 310-5955311.

Movement & Uggi Workshop. 12 p.m. Lemon Sponge Cake Contemporary Ballet, 5603 Arapahoe Ave., Suite 6, Boulder, 720-352-2903. Saturday Dance Series. 9:30 a.m. Community Dance Collective, 2020b 21st St., Boulder, 401-4502006. Saturday Morning Groove. 10:30 a.m. Free Motion Dance Studio, 2126 Pearl St., Boulder, 720-3798299. St. Vrain Valley Student Film Festival. 12 p.m. Niwot High School, 8989 E. Niwot Road, Longmont, 303-772-3333. Wildflower Hike. 10 a.m. Legion Park Open Space, 7081 Arapahoe Road, Boulder, 303-678-6200. Sunday, May 7 Music Angels of Music Concert. 3 p.m. LifeBridge Christian Church, 10345 Ute Highway, Longmont, 303-651-7664. Benny “Burle” Galloway — Andy Thorne & Friends. 7:30 p.m. The Gold Hill Inn, 401 Main St. Gold Hill, Boulder, 303-443-6461. Boulder Friends of Jazz Jam Session. 1 p.m. Avalon Ballroom, 6185 Arapahoe Road, Boulder, 303-440-8303. Cantabile Sings Leonard Bernstein’s Chichester Psalms. 2 p.m. First Congregational Church, 1128 Pine St., Boulder, 720-204-8806. see EVENTS Page 36

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events events

EVENTS from Page 34

SEE FULL An Evening With David Crosby & Friends. 8 p.m. EVENT Boulder Theater, 2032 14th St., Boulder, 303-786LISTINGS 7030. ONLINE. To have an event Felonius Smith Trio. 6 p.m. Oskar Blues Home considered for Made Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longthe calendar, send informamont, 303-499-1665. tion to The Ginny Mules. 5 p.m. The Gold Hill Inn, 401 calendar@ boulderweekly.com. Please be Main St. Gold Hill, Boulder, 303-443-6461. sure to include address, date, time and Healing & Awakening through Voice & Sound. phone number associated with each 7_evlv_expo_na_ad_3_17:Layout 1 3/16/17 3:46 PM Page 1 10 a.m. Vali Soul Sanctuary, 6717 Valmont Road, event. The deadline for consideration is Thursday at noon the week prior to Boulder, 303-616-6404. publication. Boulder Weekly does not Events guarantee the publication of any event.

Fourth Ave., Longmont, 303-651-8470.

Soccer, 3203 Pearl St., Boulder, 310-595-5311.

Blacksmithing Demonstration at the Farm. 10 a.m. Agricultural Heritage Center, 8348 Ute Highway, Longmont, 303-776-8688.

Hawaiian Hula Classes. 5 p.m. A Place to B, 1750 30th St., Unit 64, Boulder, 303-440-8007.

Boulder Potters’ Guild 2017 Spring Show and Sale. 10 a.m. Boulder County Fairgrounds, 9595 Nelson Road, Longmont, 303-383-3900. Dance Nia. 11 a.m. Longmont Recreation Center, 310 Quail Road, Longmont, 303-774-4800. German May Day Dance (Maibaumtanz). 12:30 p.m. Martin Park, 36th Street and Eastman Avenue, Boulder, 720-316-1033.

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Monday, May 8 Music Blue Grass Mondays. 7:30 p.m. 12Degree Brewing, 820 Main St., Louisville, 720-638-1623. Bluegrass Pickers. 7 p.m. West Flanders Brewing, 1125 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-447-BREW. Events Country Line Dancing. 6:30 p.m. Platt Middle School, 6096 Baseline Road, Boulder, 720-5615967. Movement Mondays. 7 p.m. Free Motion Dance Studio, 2126 Pearl St., Boulder, 720-379-8299. Tuesday, May 9 Music

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Espresso! Swing & Gypsy Jazz. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628. An Evening with George Winston. 7 p.m. Boulder Theater, 2032 14th St., Boulder, 303-786-7030. Live Music. 6 p.m. Upslope Brewing Company (Flatiron Park), 1898 S. Flatiron Court, Boulder, 303396-1898. Events Beginning Digital Video Editing. 6:30 p.m. Arapahoe Campus, 6600 E. Arapahoe, Boulder, 720-561-5967. FamilySong Music Class. 10 a.m. The Art Underground, 901 Front St., Louisville, 303-641-8901. The Geologic History of Boulder County. 7 p.m. Longmont Public Library, 409 Fourth Ave., Longmont, 303-651-8470 Open Mic. 6 p.m. Twisted Pine Brewing Company, 3201 Walnut St., Boulder, 720-771-4940. Video Camera Basics. 6 p.m. Boulder Digital Arts, 1600 Range St., Boulder, 303-800-4647. Wednesday, May 10

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Blues & Bourbon with The Sammy Dee Blues Band. 7:30 p.m. Nissi’s, 2675 Northpark Drive, Lafayette, 303-665-2757. Drop-In Acoustic Jam — Every Wednesday. 6 p.m. 300 Suns Brewing, 335 First Ave, Unit C, Longmont, 720-442-8292. Kiefer Sutherland — Not Enough Whiskey 2017. 8 p.m. Fox Theatre, 1135 13th St., Boulder, 303447-0095. Midday Music Meditation. 12 p.m. Boulder Public Library, 1001 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder, 303-4413100. Reggae Night. 9 p.m. Boulder House, 1109 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-997-4108. Youth Must Be Served! 2 p.m. The Dairy Arts Center, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-440-7826. Events Comedy at Tandoori. 8 p.m. Tandoori Bar, 619 S. Broadway, Boulder, 970-302-7130. Landscape Photography. 6 p.m. Boulder Digital Arts, 1600 Range St., Boulder, 303-800-4647. Swing Dance Lessons. 6:30 p.m. SKEYE Brewing, 900 S. Hover St., Suite D, Longmont, 303-7747698.

Boulder Weekly


The New Church by Lucia Cherciu

The old cupola glinted above the clouds, shone among fir trees, but it took him an hour for the half mile all the way up the hill. As he trailed, the village passed him by, greeted him, asked about his health, but everybody hurried to catch the mass, left him leaning against fences,

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measuring the road with the walking stick he sculpted. He yearned for the day when the new church would be built—right across the road. Now it rises above the moon: saints in frescoes meet the eye, and only the rain has started to cut through the shingles on the roof of his empty house. The apple trees have taken over the sky, sequestered the gate, sidled over the porch. American Life in Poetry: Column 629: Surely you’ve seen those Japanese scroll paintings in which tiny figures trail up the side of an enormous mountain? Here’s a poem about one such life by Lucia Cherciu, who lives in Poughkeepsie, New York. She gathers an enormous amount of human experience in these few lines. Her most recent book is Train Ride to Bucharest (Sheep Meadow Press, 2017). This poem appeared first in The Broadkill Review. — Ted Kooser, U.S. Poet Laureate Correction: In last week’s column, we inadvertently listed the publisher of Michelle Menting’s book, Leaves Surface Like Skin. It should be Terrapin Books, and the copyright date of her poem is 2015. We do not accept unsolicited submissions. American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. Poem copyright ©2016 by Lucia Cherciu, “The New Church,” from The Broadkill Review, (Vol. 10, Issue 2, 2016). Poem reprinted by permission of Lucia Cherciu and the publisher. Introduction copyright © 2017 by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction’s author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006.

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o you like Black Mirror but wish it was far, far less interesting and clever? Do you think more movies these days need multiple fake TED Talks segments? Do you consider kayaking a suitable major plot point? If so, you’re probably still not going to like The Circle, a laborious and excitement-free chore destined to inspire deep conversations; conversations like whether Tom Hanks will ever do anything good again, whether Emma Watson is preposterously overrated as an actress or just mildly overrated, and whether John Boyega was doing that weird nerd voice for funsies or for serious. Nothing happens in The Circle, so delivering this synopsis feels as meaningless as constituents voicing heartfelt personal concerns to a member of Congress. Watson plays Mae, a subpar American accent shaped like a person. Her dear friend, Annie (Karen Gillan), gets her a job at The Circle, which is a tech company that resembles what would happen if Google ever got Apple pregnant. Hanks plays Eamon Bailey, who is fairly explicitly an evil — or more accurately “eviler” — Steve Jobs. Bailey wants to put cameras everywhere to record everything because he is to personal data what the Cookie Monster was to cookies back before O was for “obesity.” After an ill-conceived kayak excursion goes terribly wrong, Bailey convinces Mae to go full Truman Show. She becomes the poster child for constant surveillance. Nothing sinister, significant or passably interesting happens, unless you have a weird thing for laughably bad monologues. Director James Ponsoldt cowrote the script with Dave Eggers, who wrote the source novel and apparently had a hard time letting even a single word from his book go. It’s hard to think of a movie with more spoken dialogue that contains less meaning or plot fuel. Maybe the source material did a better job communicating if it was intended to be a satire of the modern technological panopticon or a sincerely contemplative look at personal privacy rights. Odds are dead even that we’ll get a McSweeney’s piece titled “The Circle Really Made Me Rethink My Facebook Account.” Movies that attempt to tackle technology-based fears and provide commentary on “of the moment” social fads inevitably feel dated, almost by the time they’re released into theaters. Just ask Sandra Bullock how kind time has been to The Net. That’s not to say there aren’t ways to extrapolate and fictionalize the bigger questions posed by contemporary issues, only that having Watson talk about digital “frowns” and “smiles” is a half-step from naming a movie, You’ve Got Mail. Have you learned nothing, Tom Hanks? Ponsoldt’s last film, The Spectacular Now, wasted the talented Shailene Woodley and was the kind of film so stealthily misogynistic that many praise it as a “beautiful” and “touching” “love story,” without ever realizing how gross it is. The Circle is a step up, in that nobody will praise it for much of anything and it isn’t offensive. It’s just barbarically boring, laughably self-important and sure to be soon forgotten. Just ask Jeeves. This review previously appeared in The Reader of Omaha, Nebraska.

Boulder Weekly


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‘Citizen Jane’ and the battle for the soul of New York by Michael J. Casey

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he Irish have a saying: Is this a private fight, or can anybody join? For ON THE BILL: Citizen Jane: Battle for the City. Landmark noted journalist and city activist Chez Artiste, 2800 S. Colorado Jane Jacobs, there was no such thing Blvd., Denver, 303-758-3496, as a private fight. Everybody was landmarktheatres.com/Denver. Opens May 5. welcome, and everybody was needed. That’s how you beat a bully, and as the new documentary Citizen Jane: Battle for the City shows, Jacobs had a hell of a bully in her path. He was New York City developer Robert Moses. During the Great Depression, Moses was NYC’s master builder. Moses built parks, beaches and public housing. After World War II, Moses convinced the United Nations to stop looking for real estate in Philadelphia and establish its headquarters along the East River. As far as egotistical New York movers and shakers go, he was one of the biggest and most powerful. But, as the saying goes, “Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” Documentary Citizen While Moses busied himself converting Jane follows the battle neighborhoods of lower-class citizens into blocky, of journalist Jane Jacobs as she rallies against modernist project housing, Jacobs walked the New York City developer streets of Manhattan, taking in the sights and Robert Moses. sounds of people interacting, neighbors conversing, children playing and parents watching from their stoop. A city is more than buildings and streets, Jacobs realized, a city is a collection of people. Where Moses saw chaos and decay, Jacobs found order and life. Much like Moses, Jacobs had no background in city planning or architecture, she simply sought to understand what she saw and convey that as clearly as possible. And she did with her seminal 1961 book, The Life and Death of Great American Cities, a clear-eyed critique of 1950s urban planning. The book made Jacobs a star and the staunch opposition to Moses’s so-called progressive planning. Though Moses and Jacobs first tangled in the mid-1950s over expanding Fifth Avenue through Washington Square Park — Jacobs ensured that the park remained closed to motor vehicles — it was their battle over Moses’s proposed Lower Manhattan Expressway that gave Jacobs her toughest battle and her greatest victory. While the structure of Citizen Jane sticks closely to Jacobs and Moses’s war, director Matt Tyrnauer lets the documentary wander here and there, exploring similar cities and expanding on how ineffective project housing has been for reducing poverty, crime and class warfare. Some of these diversions work better than others, but every time Tyrnauer returns his lens to Jacobs, the movie receives a jolt of energy. That energy is part and parcel of Jane Jacobs. Like any reporter worth their salt, Jacobs knew the key to a good argument was a personal perspective presented clearly. There are many ways to look at a city, but she understood that a privileged view would teach her nothing. To understand a city, one has to get in touch with the people who inhabit it, shape it and make it theirs. Only then can you see what this generation hopes to pass on to the next. As Tyrnauer shows in Citizen Jane that is something worth considering as the world population continues to rise. Boulder Weekly

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Mr. Sake knows a thing or two about spicy tuna

Y

ou’ve heard it here before and you’re about to hear it again: Go to your nearest strip mall and check out the restaurants. Ten bucks (which is a lot of money for me) says you’re gonna like what you find. I’ve yet to find an unassuming joint in the corner of a shopping center anchored by a grocery store or some other Big Box thing that wasn’t wholly appealing, from the food to the atmosphere. Example no. 318 (that’s completely made up) in Boulder County: Mr. Sake Sushi and Grill. Now, I don’t know who Mr. Sake is, but I know I like the cut of his jib. The restaurant sits at the southeastern corner of the King Soopers Plaza in Louisville. After a few hours searching for hidden treasures at the two thrift stores in the plaza, Mr. Sake is there to quell the hunger. The interior is clean and simple, about a dozen strings of colorful paper cranes hanging above the well-lit sushi bar and a couple of paper lanterns dressing the front window. Soft yellow walls and sienna colored flooring make the space warm and inviting. The menu offers both Japanese and Chinese dishes, but doesn’t go overboard by offering too many choices. They keep it simple: there’s sushi, hibachi, noodles, teriyaki and traditional Chinese entrees. The menu breaks down appetizers from the sushi bar from those prepared in the kitchen, offering nearly 30 options for snacks, which could offer a great option for a tapas-style meal. While the kitchen appetizers offer tempting green muscles, egg rolls and gyoza, I’m a sucker for sushi. I can be a bit simplistic in my love of sushi — I enjoy the flavor of fresh fish so much that I find myself drawn to sashimi and simple maki, but I never

deny a rainbow or dragon roll if it’s on the table. Feeling proud of my thrift store finds and more than just a little hungry, the crunchy spicy tuna appetizer caught my eye and won my

deep dish BY CAITLIN ROCKETT favor, though I’ll admit to not knowing what part of the dish was actually going to be crunchy. Turns out it’s the rice. We’re not talking greasy deep-fried rice. We’re talking warm, lightly crispy rice, just crispy enough to offer a perfect contrast to a cool slice of tuna crowned with a slice of ripe avocado. The tuna can take its heat from a variety of ingredients, but a chili sauce like Sriracha is the go-to for most recipes. Mr. Sake delivers a spicy tuna app that doesn’t overload the tastebuds with heat. Scallions and soy sauce mingle with the chili sauce (and a little spicy mayo and sweet ponzo drizzled atop) to create a savory, not hot, experience. Best of all, Mr. Sake seems to know that great sushi depends on fresh fish. The best sign of fresh

sushi is its softness. Truly fresh fish is so soft you could poke a finger through a raw fillet. Fish flesh is soft because they have the same density as water. They don’t have to use their muscles to bear their own weight just to hang out, thus their muscles only engage when they need to move. All of that is to say the tuna at Mr. Sake melts in the mouth, just like it ought to. Keep up the good work, Mr. Sake. I like your style. Mr. Sake Sushi & Grill. 1387 E. South Boulder Road, Louisville, 303-604-9999.

DINE IN • TAKE OUT 1085 S Public Rd. Lafayette (303) 665-0666 Hours: Tues. Weds. Thurs. Sun 11am - 9pm Fri. Sat 11am - 9:30pm Closed Monday Boulder Weekly

Thank You for Voting us Best Asian Fusion

Restaurant

LAFAYETTE

2016

May 4 , 2017 41


Celebrating 12 years of a new taste experience and 39 years of family tradition

the Praha

NEW HOURS: Tuesday - Saturday HAPPY HOUR DINNER SERVED

now from 4:00 - 6:00pm!

5:00pm until close

Czech Us Out!

Beers on Tap Fine Wines Delicious Food 7521 Ute Hwy, Longmont, CO • 303-702-1180 www.praharestaurant.com

BRUNCH IS BACK AT

SCOTTS SUNDAYS 10:30am – 2:30pm

1265 Alpine Ave, Boulder

303-442-6100 • www.scottsonalpine.com

42 May 4 , 2017

Boulder Weekly


nibbles BY JOHN LEHNDORFF

T

hey are often inappropriately loud. In a happily bustling restaurant, they are self-absorbed and oblivious to others and their needs. They really need to grow up. More than once when I was dining at an upscale, expensive restaurant, I’ve been irritated enough to ask a server to intervene and insist on appropriate behavior. I admit that I even silently hoped they would be asked to exit the eatery, posthaste. The only solution is to ban the brats. Kick out those obnoxious parents who allow their children to behave in ways that we would never tolerate from an adult. If I could, I’d let the children stay with adult supervision. I’d feed the kids a good meal (and not from an abominable “Kids’ Menu”) and teach them about dining behavior and food while they were busy having fun. An upscale restaurant in Mooresville, North Carolina, recently announced that it was banning kids under 5 after repeated incidents of inappropriate behavior. After the announcement, reservations at the eatery increased from 50 to 80 per day even as some parents howled about discrimination. While savvy young diners are out there, we just tend to notice the kids who throw creamed spinach against the steakhouse wall. Why should well-behaved parents and their offspring have to suffer because of a few see NIBBLES Page 44

Boulder Weekly

May 4 , 2017 43


Susan France

NIBBLES from Page 43

All DAy TuesDAy • WeD - sAT 4pm - 6pm

sAT 10Am - 2pm • sun 9Am - 2pm

offenders who disrupt everyone else’s meal? Who am I to tell anyone how to parent? I don’t consider my experience as the parent of a now 23-year-old son as being remotely typical. I was a food editor and columnist when Hans was a baby, and he was exposed to a world of cuisines at home. As a kid he encountered everything from frogs’ legs to masala dosas. When I became a dining critic, he started going out to dinner with us. Kids arrive as they are, and we were blessed with a child who was even-tempered and self-contained from the start. Hans had his moments but never was the kind to bounce off the walls. We enjoyed talking to him while I pretended I wasn’t reviewing the eatery. He would even wrinkle his nose at the children at other tables who weren’t behaving. Even he knew that it’s not cute when your kids run from table to table nor is it precious when Junior screams at the top of his lungs. Your tot’s antics are only momentarily amusing to other diners. You do your child a disservice when you ignore them around the table. Besides being some of the best together times we can share, meals are where we learn how to be human and live in a family and a community. I’m not telling you how to parent... but I do have a few suggestions to prepare your kids for dining out: • Start kids out with dining at places that are loud by nature, including fast, casual outlets. Try dining at one of Boulder’s naturally noisy brewpubs and tasting rooms with food trucks parked outside. Then you can move up to sushi bars, bistros and trattoria. • If your offspring has a serious meltdown as all kids do, deal with it. Take them outside for a bit. If that doesn’t help, take the food and run and live to dine another day. • Be prepared. That’s the motto of a true parent. By all means bring games, etc. to entertain but also have an iron-clad rule. All devices including your own are powered off and put out of sight at least until dessert. They won’t take it seriously if you don’t, just as kids won’t eat asparagus unless they see you loving it. • Overly hungry and super-tired kids do not make good dining companions. Parents deserve a painful thumbs down if they head to the bistro anyway under those circumstances. Call out for delivery instead. • Instill a sense of “indoor” versus “outdoor” voice, or as I like to think of it: “Flagstaff House voice” vs. “Mountain Sun Brewpub voice.” Consider sitting on a patio where noise matters less. • Limit the dining time. Where a 10-year-old kid might be able deal with a two-hour, multi-course dinner, it’s unrealistic to expect more than an hour out of most 5-year-olds. Restaurants are challenged as a new generation of parents take younger children out to dine much more frequently. However, they have to do a better job of see NIBBLES Page 46

44 May 4 , 2017

Boulder Weekly


2016

“I would do anything to pass this class...”

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© United States Postal Service. All rights reserved

nibbles

Cafe

Mother’s Day Reservations - 6 or more Mother’s Day Night Out with Special Offerings & Libations Open 7:30am - 8:30pm Every Day

1377 Forest Park Circle, Lafayette 303-604-6351 • MorningGloryCafe.org

EAST? E H T N I E V LI ER? D L U O B N I WORK

Recognized for our outstanding Greek cuisine, excellent service and friendly staff.

ITA! EAT AT K AL Known for our modern interpretation of classic dishes and its insistence on only using high quality fresh ingredients.

dealing with brats. “Does customer service training need to involve lawyers?” Restaurant Hospitality magazine recently asked after noting recent incidents. “At a breakfast spot, guests clashed after a 3-year-old was allowed to roam through the restaurant and a misguided cashier suggested that the parents ‘put a leash on it,’” according to the magazine. The cashier was wrong to say it but the sentiment is one that many diners mutter to themselves. Finally, to all the irritated diners: Lighten up, please. Allow for some random humanity and childish glee to infiltrate your foodie experience. You were probably not the perfect little diner, either. Let’s eat. (I welcome comments on kids and dining from parents, kids, restaurateurs and diners at nibbles@boulderweekly.com. I will pass along some of the comments anonymously in an upcoming Nibbles column.)

How to lick tamales and flan

On April 20, the U.S. Postal Service released its first six-stamp series of 49 cent stamps featuring Central and South American, Mexican and Caribbean foods. The illustrations celebrate tamales, flan, sancocho, empanadas, chile rellenos and ceviche. The least familiar dish of the group, sancocho, is a dinner soup featuring large pieces of meat and vegetables with national variations spanning the Caribbean and South America. Popularity means you get four tamales and four flans but only three each of the other stamps. Now, if the glue just tasted like the dishes they portray.

Taste of the Week

A chill night called for the regular Thursday special at Boulder Beer’s brewpub. Smoked prime rib, thinly sliced, dripping with au jus and served on a bun with horseradish cream. It was perfectly balanced by Boulder Beer’s Shake Chocolate Porter. Also worth checking out: Fried cauliflower served hot wing-style drenched in your choice of sauces.

TOWN! N I S O R Y G BEST

ORDER ONLINE • ASK ABOUT CATERING 2426 ARAPAHOE AVE. • BOULDER • OPEN M-SA 11AM-8PM 303.443.0596 • KALITAGRILL.COM 46 May 4 , 2017

NIBBLES from Page 44

Words to Chew On

“The best kind of (table) manners are not a structure of domination, but an awareness of other people, and a wish to put them at ease, to help them feel good about themselves.” ­— The Sex Life of Food (St. Martin’s Press) by Bunny Crumpacker. John Lehndorff is a former cook (for one shift) at The Sink in Boulder. John Lehndorff hosts Radio Nibbles at 8:25 a.m. Thursdays on KGNU (88.5 FM, 1390 AM, kgnu.org). Boulder Weekly


SI M P L E

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T O

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BEST NEW RESTAURANT THANK YOU for voting for us!

578 Briggs Street Erie, CO 80516 303.828.1392 www.24carrotbistro.com

Boulder Weekly

BRUNCH

S AT & SU N 9 AM - 3 PM

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LET THEM EAT SNARF’S SANDWICH PLATTERS • SALADS • SIDES • DESSERTS

We’ve got your food covered for graduation, business lunches, sports banquets or any occasion!

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drink

COLORADO’S FIRST CRAFT BREWERY N E W LY

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Susan France

PUB & TAP ROOM

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SUNDAYS

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verybody needs a nice neighborhood bar. Friendly faces behind the taps, a reliable ON TAP: Walnut menu for when you can’t make up your Brewery. 1123 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-447-1345, mind and a familiar stool waiting for you walnutbrewery.com. when it’s time to get out and watch the game with friends. Sure, the TV at home is huge and the beer in your fridge might be cheaper, but who are you going to high five after Sidney Crosby gets another hat trick? Who will buy you a round while you wax poetically about what to do about the economy? And who’s gonna listen to your problems long after you start to repeat yourself? Why, your friendly neighborhood bar, that’s who. Walnut Brewery, located off Walnut and Broadway in downtown Boulder, has been that fine establishment for hundreds of Boulderites since Frank Day opened the brewpub back in 1990. The place has changed hands a couple of times — CraftWorks Restaurant, the company behind Old Chicago, Rock Bottom and Gordon Biersch, now owns the joint — but that hasn’t stopped the Boulder faithful from coming in day after day; their mugs left behind the bar, waiting for the next happy hour when they’ll be pulled off the shelf and filled with Walnut’s fine lineup of brews to quaff. That lineup has remained relatively unchanged for some time now. Some beers come and some beers go, and brewmaster Rodney Taylor releases one new brew a month, but the Walnut faithful don’t come seeking wacky new trends in brewing. They come for the standards: Old Elk Brown Ale (5.5% ABV), Buffalo Gold (5.1 %), St. James Irish Red Ale (4.5%) and Indian Peaks Pale Ale (6.2%). The world may change, but these beers still taste the same. My favorite of the bunch always has been, and always will be, the Old Elk Brown Ale when it’s served from the cask. Sometimes called “real ale” by the Brits, cask ales are neither carbonated nor nitrogenated. Instead, the beer sits dormant and still until the bartender draws the beer out using forced air to pull the beer through the tap. The result: soft, smooth English pub ale. Try drinking the two versions back to back — Old Elk Brown from the CO2 tap highlights the caramel malt and produces a middle-of-the-road easy drinker, but the Cask version smooths out all the edges and favors the malt greatly. For some, the result may be on the flat side, but this is how they like it across the pond, and I’m inclined to agree. For those seeking the normality of brew bubbles, the St. James Irish Red Ale has a toasted nutty nose with a malty, dry and distinctly Irish pub finish. The Buffalo Gold is nice and light and on the crisp side, while the 1123 IPA (6.8 percent) boasts a hoppy flavor of grapefruit and lemon with a little kick in the teeth. If you ever get bored with the core, Walnut has you covered with a couple of rotating taps — their upcoming seasonal, White Pelican Pilsner, drops May 14 — but in this ever-changing world in which we’re living, familiarity can be very welcoming.

BEERS ON DRAFT

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Boulder Weekly

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service directory MASSAGE AND SKIN CARE

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Free Threading when you book a session

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phone: 303-832-5648 • fax: 303-832-7813 jwillett@willettlaw.net • 255 Canyon Boulevard, Suite 100 Boulder

Reach over 98,000 Boulder Weekly readers by advertising in the Service Directory! Email: aralston@boulderweekly.com or call 303-494-5511 ext. 122

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3070 28TH ST., STE D. BOULDER CO 80301 thedrumshopboulder.com

Lynda Hilburn, LPC, CAC II, CCHt 303-939-8832 http://www.lyndahilburntherapist.com

Boulder Weekly


boulder marketplace HELP WANTED Veranda Sun Boulder Flexible part time work. All ages sought. Great benefits, complimentary red light for health. email for consideration: info.verandasun@gmail.com

HELP WANTED Academic Coordinator, Boulder/ area. Advancement to salaried position with benefits. Help find families to host High School level exchange students. Domestic & Int’l travel. We provide training. Cynthia Burgeson, 541-829-0602

HELP WANTED

RAFTING JOBS

START A NEW CAREER! Academy for Dental Assisting Careers Longmont - Brighton Classes Start June 10th. 8 Saturdays - 2 Instructors Just $2995! 303-774-8100 www.academyfordental assistingcareers.com

RAFT GUIDES WANTED Acquired Tastes Rafting seeking full time & weekend raft guides to work in Buena Vista this summer, Guide Training Class May 25th June 2nd, $300 Guide Training Fee. See www.atraft.com or call 800-888-8582

MASSAGE

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BOULDER OWNED. BOULDER GROWN

astrology ARIES

MARCH 21-APRIL 19:

Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO HOROSCOPES and DAILY TEXT MESSAGE HOROSCOPES. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.

LIBRA

SEPT. 23-OCT. 22:

Beware of feeling sorry for sharks that yell for help. Beware of trusting coyotes that act like sheep and sheep that act like coyotes. Beware of nibbling food from jars whose contents are different from what their labels suggest. But wait! “Beware” is not my only message for you. I have these additional announcements: Welcome interlopers if they’re humble and look you in the eyes. Learn all you can from predators and pretenders without imitating them. Take advantage of any change that’s set in motion by agitators who shake up the status quo, even if you don’t like them.

In addition to fashion tips, advice for the broken-hearted, midlifecrisis support, and career counseling, I sometimes provide you with more mystical help. Like now. So if you need nuts-and-bolts guidance, I hope you’ll have the sense to read a more down-to-earth horoscope. What I want to tell you is that the metaphor of resurrection is your featured theme. You should assume that it’s somehow the answer to every question. Rejoice in the knowledge that although a part of you has died, it will be reborn in a fresh guise.

TAURUS

SCORPIO

When poet Wislawa Szymborska delivered her speech for winning the Nobel Prize, she said that “whatever else we might think of this world — it is astonishing.” She added that for a poet, there really is no such thing as the “ordinary world,” “ordinary life,” and “the ordinary course of events.” In fact, “Nothing is usual or normal. Not a single stone and not a single cloud above it. Not a single day and not a single night after it. And above all, not a single existence, not anyone’s existence in this world.” I offer you her thoughts, Taurus, because I believe that in the next two weeks you will have an extraordinary potential to feel and act on these truths. You are hereby granted a license to be astonished on a regular basis.

“Are you ready for the genie’s favors? Don’t rub the magic lamp unless you are.” That’s the message I saw on an Instagram meme. I immediately thought of you. The truth is that up until recently, you have not been fully prepared for the useful but demanding gifts the genie could offer you. You haven’t had the self-mastery necessary to use the gifts as they’re meant to be used, and therefore they were a bit dangerous to you. But that situation has changed. Although you may still not be fully primed, you’re as ready as you can be. That’s why I say: Rub the magic lamp!

APRIL 20-MAY 20:

GEMINI

MAY 21-JUNE 20:

Would you consider enrolling in my Self-Pity Seminar? If so, you would learn that obsessing on self-pity is a means to an end, not a morass to get lost in. You would feel sorry for yourself for brief, intense periods so that you could feel proud and brave the rest of the time. For a given period — let’s say three days — you would indulge and indulge and indulge in selfpity until you entirely exhausted that emotion. Then you’d be free to engage in an orgy of self-healing, self-nurturing, and self-celebration. Ready to get started? Ruminate about the ways that people don’t fully appreciate you.

CANCER

JUNE 21-JULY 22:

In a typical conversation, most of us utter too many “uhs,” “likes,” “I means,” and “you knows.” I mean, I’m sure that ... uh ... you’ll agree that, like, what’s the purpose of, you know, all that pointless noise? But I have some good news to deliver about your personal use of language in the coming weeks, Cancerian. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you’ll have the potential to dramatically lower your reliance on needless filler. But wait, there’s more: Clear thinking and precise speech just might be your superpowers. As a result, your powers of persuasion should intensify. Your ability to advocate for your favorite causes may zoom.

LEO

JULY 23-AUG. 22:

In 1668, England named John Dryden its first Poet Laureate. His literary influence was so monumental that the era in which he published was known as the Age of Dryden. Twentieth-century poetry great T. S. Eliot said he was “the ancestor of nearly all that is best in the poetry of the eighteenth century.” Curiously, Dryden had a low opinion of Shakespeare. “Scarcely intelligible,” he called the Bard, adding, “His whole style is so pestered with figurative expressions that it is as affected as it is coarse.” I foresee a comparable clash of titans in your sphere, Leo. Two major influences may fight it out for supremacy. One embodiment of beauty may be in competition with another. One powerful and persuasive force could oppose another. What will your role be? Mediator? Judge? Neutral observer? Whatever it is, be cagey.

VIRGO

AUG. 23-SEPT. 22:

Just this once, and for a limited time only, you have cosmic clearance to load up on sugary treats, leave an empty beer can in the woods, watch stupid TV shows, and act uncool in front of the Beautiful People. Why? Because being totally well-behaved and perfectly composed and strictly pure would compromise your mental health more than being naughty. Besides, if you want to figure out what you are on the road to becoming, you will need to know more about what you’re not.

Boulder Weekly

OCT. 23-NOV. 21:

SAGITTARIUS NOV. 22-DEC. 21:

You may have heard the exhortation “Follow your bliss!”, which was popularized by mythologist Joseph Campbell. After studying the archetypal stories of many cultures throughout history, he concluded that it was the most important principle driving the success of most heroes. Here’s another way to say it: Identify the job or activity that deeply excites you, and find a way to make it the center of your life. In his later years, Campbell worried that too many people had misinterpreted “Follow your bliss” to mean “Do what comes easily.” That’s all wrong, he said. Anything worth doing takes work and struggle. “Maybe I should have said, ‘Follow your blisters,’” he laughed. I bring this up, Sagittarius, because you are now in an intense “Follow your blisters” phase of following your bliss.

CAPRICORN

DEC. 22-JAN. 19:

The versatile artist Melvin Van Peebles has enjoyed working as a filmmaker, screenwriter, actor, composer and novelist. One of his more recent efforts was a collaboration with the experimental band The Heliocentrics. Together they created a science-fiction-themed spoken-word poetry album titled The Last Transmission. Peebles told NPR, “I haven’t had so much fun with clothes on in years.” If I’m reading the planetary omens correctly Capricorn, you’re either experiencing that level of fun, or will soon be doing so.

AQUARIUS

JAN. 20-FEB. 18:

In what ways do you most resemble your mother? Now is a good time to take inventory. Once you identify any momlike qualities that tend to limit your freedom or lead you away from your dreams, devise a plan to transform them. You may never be able to defuse them entirely, but there’s a lot you can do to minimize the mischief they cause. Be calm but calculating in setting your intention, Aquarius! P.S.: In the course of your inventory, you may also find there are ways you are like your mother that are of great value to you. Is there anything you could do to more fully develop their potential?

PISCES

FEB. 19-MARCH 20:

“We are what we imagine,” writes Piscean author N. Scott Momaday. “Our very existence consists in our imagination of ourselves. Our best destiny is to imagine who and what we are. The greatest tragedy that can befall us is to go unimagined.” Let’s make this passage your inspirational keynote for the coming weeks. It’s a perfect time to realize how much power you have to create yourself through the intelligent and purposeful use of your vivid imagination. (P.S. Here’s a further tip, this time from Cher: “All of us invent ourselves. Some of us just have more imagination than others.”)

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SAVAGE

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by Dan Savage

Nancy, the tech-savvy at-risk youth, two gimps, Christ on the cross, the Easter Bunny, two weeping women and the Easter Bunny’s smoking-hot leather master took to the stage at Revolution Hall in Portland, Oregon, for a live taping of the Savage Lovecast on Easter weekend. Audience members submitted their questions on cards (I take my questions like some of you take your men: anonymously) — but with Rachel Lark and the Damaged Goods and comedian Nariko Ott on the program as well, we didn’t get to many questions. So I’m going to answer as many of Portland’s questions as I can in this week’s column. Q: We’ve been sleeping with another couple for three months (first time my BF and I opened our relationship). How do I suggest full penetration with the opposite partner? At this point, we just do oral and that’s the “groove” we’re in. A: Only-oral-with-others may be this couple’s preferred groove and the lane they want to stay in. If they’re only up for the “soft swap,” as it’s known in swinging circles, penetration isn’t gonna happen. But you should feel free to ask for what you want — at the very least, you’ll get some long-overdue clarity about their boundaries. Q: Is squirting pee? We know that chemically it’s similar, but is it really? A: I’m tired of this debate, so consider this my final answer: So what if it is pee? Q: My girlfriend asked me to make out with another guy. Her fantasy. We met a really pretty gay boy at a house party a year ago, and so I made out with him. I got hard, and my girlfriend made a huge scene. She says it was supposed to be for her pleasure, not for mine, and she’s still angry six months later and constantly questions whether I’m really straight. (I am!) What do I tell her? A: Good-bye. Q: When do you know if it’s OK to insert your finger in your boyfriend’s butthole? Without fear of freaking him out? A: After you’ve applied lube to your finger and his butthole — which you’re allowed to do only after you’ve asked him if you can insert your finger in his butthole and after he’s consented to having your finger in his butthole. Q: I want to try anal, but I am scared of getting poop on my partner. Is an enema enough? A: Properly administered, an enema should be more than enough. But with Boulder Weekly

anal as with liberal democracy — a good outcome is not guaranteed. Sometimes you do your homework and your prep, and everything still comes to shit.

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Q: Does the toe make a good substitute for the penis? A: No Q: My girlfriend wants to try fisting, but my hands are really large. Any ideas for how to get around that? A: A hired hand. Q: Tell my boyfriend to go down on me! A: If your boyfriend won’t go down on you unless some fag advice columnist tells him to — if his girlfriend asking isn’t good enough — then it’s you I want to order around (break up with him!), not your boyfriend. Q: Thank you, Dan. Five years ago, I was miserable in a sexless marriage. Tonight I’m here with my fabulous boyfriend and my hot sub. Thanks to your advice! A: You’re welcome! Send questions to mail@savagelove.net, follow @fakedansavage on Twitter and visit ITMFA.org. May 4 , 2017 55


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EEDBETWEENTHELINES

by Sarah Haas

The frying pan and the egg

I

n 1996, my fifth grade class at Mesa ing and puffing with that skillet in her hand and I was Elementary and I earned our sheriff ’s badge primed and eager to take her at her word. All I could from Darren the D.A.R.E. lion. We walked think is that someone should lock that skillet in jail. across a makeshift stage in ceremonial So firmly attached to the symbolism of the frying acknowledgement of the very important part pan and the egg, I somehow didn’t grasp that Cook we all played in fighting the war on drugs. At 10 stood for something too. If the brain is destroyed by years old, I learned drugs were bad, addiction worse the drug, then who is the one exposing the drug to and that together, they could make people do some the brain? Rachael Leigh Cook, the sweet, teenage crazy and dangerous things. We were kids on our actress. In the politics of prohibition and criminalizaway to be teenagers, and as we headed to the wide tion, it’s not the pan that would be locked away, it halls of middle school, we felt prepared to fight would be her — if she wasn’t white. potential dangers one “just say no” at a time. There are huge racial disparities in drug arrest Darren might have taught me my mantra, but it rates. Eighty-five percent of those sentenced for crack was Rachel Leigh Cook cocaine offenses are black, who really nailed the point Bruce/Griswold Cast Iron Skillet Resto Project even though the majority home. I related to her — of users of the drug are the rough-around-thewhite and similar dispariedges actor from The ties have been reported Baby-Sitters Club, a movie for marijuana arrests by that helped me experience the ACLU. Because of these disparities, one in the growing pains of adothree black boys born lescence. today will spend time in So when I saw her on prison. a TV commercial looking As Cook, Generation cool in high-waisted X and I grew up, we Levi’s and a white tank experienced this reality, a top I sat up and listened vastly different one than intently. It was like she the picture that had been was speaking just to me when she compared a brain to an egg and a skillet to painted for us. We saw zero-tolerance policies prevent heroin, and then demonstrated what happens when an our peers from completing their education, we saw egg gets slammed by a pan (it breaks and yolk and people go to jail, we saw poverty divide the youth into bits of eggshell go everywhere). Then, holding up her groups and classes. Meanwhile I (and I imagine many cast-iron weapon, she rampaged around the kitchen, of us) did drugs and my own experience fell far flat of breaking everything in sight, in exhibition of all the the promised cerebral destruction. Meanwhile, drugmetaphor was capable of — equating plates and glass- use rates rose while addiction rates stayed flat. es to families and society. Finally, at the end of her Regardless, the frying pan and the egg continued to fury she stood among the ruins, breathless, and threw provide a powerful symbol for the war on drugs, even the pan onto the counter before looking straight into as its ideological framework was crumbling. the camera to say, “Any questions?” Fast forward to 2017 when 28 states have legalized The question was rhetorical, but even if it wasn’t, I medical marijuana, while seven states and the District wouldn’t have dared ask a follow-up. She was still huff- of Columbia have legalized recreational marijuana.

Boulder Weekly

Millions of people are living with a Schedule 1 substance in their everyday lives and still 1.5 million people are arrested for drug possession every year and over half of them are for marijuana. Many of us recognize the tragedy of this concurrence Cook was in a position to do something about it. On April 20, the Drug Policy Alliance (DPA) and Cook released a revamped version of her 1997 PSA. In it, the now 37-year-old actor holds up a white egg and says, “This is one of the millions of Americans who uses drugs and won’t get arrested.” Suddenly you become aware of the white woman standing in front of you, putting down the egg and picking up a brown one. “However, this American is several times more likely to get charged with a drug crime,” she says, before imploring the viewer to empathize. “Imagine it’s you.” This time she’s less rage-y — she walks the viewer through an animation of the brown egg’s journey through jail, reentry, poverty, recidivism and, ultimately, disenfranchisement, only to compare it to the white egg, happy in a house, with a family and a job, but using drugs all the same. This time it’s not the villainy of addiction that brings the pan smashing down, it’s the anger festering in the hypocrisy of inequality — the egg as a stand-in for people of color, the skillet as the war on drugs itself. Twenty years later, it seems Cook has wearied of the whole symbolism, however powerful it might be. At the end of the new video, she doesn’t throw the pan crashing onto the counter like she did in 1997. Instead, she lets it drop from her fingers. While a pan obliterating an egg might be a good way to make a point, ultimately it’s just a frying pan and an egg. At the end of the video when Cook stares into the camera and asks, “Any questions?” one can only hope that this time, without a weapon in her hand, she means it. Because standing there is a woman who had to have asked some pretty probing questions into what were once opposite and strongly held beliefs in order to change her mind and seek a different way forward.

May 4 , 2017 57


cannabis corner

by Paul Danish

Opioids: Where’s the outrage? (Glad you asked)

S

WIkimedia Commons/Atlantic Training

o where’s the outrage? The Trump administration is trying to gin up the drug war again, only this time the focus is on “opioids.” Opiods is a term that covers both prescription painkillers like oxycodone (OxyContin), hydrocodone (Vicodin), codeine, morphine and fentanyl, as well as heroin. They’re all either made from the sap of opium poppies, variants of the natural product or synthesized copies of them. At least this time the feds are targeting drugs that, unlike marijuana, have actually killed a lot of people. In 2015, the last year for which statistics are available, there were more than 33,000 opioid overdose deaths related to prescription pain relievers and heroin, according to figures from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Trump routinely includes promises to end the opioid epidemic and ties it to the flow of illegal drugs across the Mexican border. The mainstream press routinely views the epidemic with alarm. Congress just included an additional $100 million-plus for fighting the epidemic in the bill to keep the government running through September. But compared to past public reaction to government-generated anti-drug hysteria, the American public’s reaction so far seems to be running the gamut from polite applause to detached disinterest. So why no outrage? Here are four possible reasons: • This iteration of the drug war differs from the previous ones in that the current opioid epidemic was started by a different class of drug pushers. They’re

Boulder Weekly

called doctors. According to the American Society of Addiction Medicine, doctors wrote 259 million prescriptions for opioids in 2012, “enough to give every American adult their own bottle of pills.” Fast forward three years: Of the 33,000 opioid overdose deaths in 2015, more than 20,000 were “related to prescription pain relievers.” Heroin accounted for 12,990 deaths. In other words, a lot of people aren’t getting their drugs from cartels; they’re getting them from drug stores. It’s a lot harder for politicians to demonize doctors than traditional drug pushers, even if the docs did screw up by over-prescribing opioids — especially when politicians are about as popular as traditional drug pushers. • In previous opioid epidemics, most of the addicts started out using opioids for kicks. In this one, most of them started out using opioids for chronic pain. It’s easy to generate outrage against someone who started using heroin to get high. That narrative doesn’t work

against people who ended up using it because they were in chronic pain. • The previous drug war didn’t work, and judging by past performance the American people have no reason to believe this one will either. Drug use in the U.S. started to spike in 1965. In the ensuing 52 years, the country has spent roughly $1 trillion fighting drugs and made a staggering 50 million arrests, about half for hard drugs and half for marijuana. (Until relatively recently, the overwhelming majority of arrests were for marijuana; that’s begun to change as more and more states are legalizing or decriminalizing pot.) Yet today drug use in the United States is at near- or alltime highs for all categories of drugs. It’s hard to think of another undertaking of the American government that has been a bigger, on-going failure. As a result, chances are that when it comes to the anti-opioid campaign the Trump administration is proposing to start, most Americans are keeping expectations low — like lower than whale shit low. • The drug war has done more to introduce the practices of the totalitarian state into American life than any other governmental action in a century — including massive incarceration, no-knock searches, stop-and-frisk police stops, racial profiling, massive urine testing, Soviet-style re-education camps, property seizure and children informing on their parents, to name a few. Any outrage Americans might have about opioid abuse is modified by the knowledge that they might be collateral damage in the war to stop it.

May 4 , 2017 59


YOU CAN’T DO THAT ON TELEVISION, ERM, WE MEAN YOUTUBE We’ve all been there. Maybe it’s April Fools, maybe it’s their birthday, but a good-natured practical joke on your kids is usually a bonding moment between both parties. But apparently tormenting your own kids in private isn’t good enough for some parents. YouTube personalities, aka people who have too much time on their hands, “DaddyOFive” and “MommyOFive” are known for their

icumi

(IN CASE YOU MISSED IT) An irreverent and not always accurate view of the world

“prank” videos, many of which show the parents yelling profanities at their crying children, laughing at them and occasionally physically abusing them. Well, the parents (aka Mike and Heather Martin) learned the hard way that maybe you shouldn’t post some things online. The couple tem-

porarily lost custody of two of their children, with the biological mother of the kids receiving emergency custody. Who could have seen that

coming? In an effort to look more “human,” the couple took to Good Morning America where MommyOFive said, “We love our kids. They’re the most important thing in the world to us.” Right. Sure. And hey, if they can berate them and then post the video online for

internet fame, what better way to show your children love… and then guarantee them a lifetime therapy subscription. Now we can all agree these parents are despicable, but what about the people watching the videos? The series of videos somehow racked up millions of views with more than 750,000 subscribers... Oy vey. We vote there’s only one way to permanently nip this in the bud: Shut down the internet forever. See, this is why we can’t have nice things. Wikimedia Commons/Rennett Stowe

WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Lord knows we need to raise awareness about endangered species. And by whatever means necessary. But how far would you be willing to go? Would you live on icebergs to personify the plight of the polar bear? Would you swim across the Atlantic to give birth in solidarity with the sea turtle? What about restrict yourself to a diet of bamboo to demonstrate the cuteness of a panda bear or survive a winter on the Great Plains to represent the black-footed ferret? Would you attempt to live near oil and gas development to experience life for the greater sage-grouse? Would you? Well, a London police officer has completed a rare (if not unique) feat in order to raise money for declining gorilla populations in Rwanda and Uganda — he crawled the entire length of the London Marathon in a gorilla suit. Spending 10-12 hours and traveling up to 4.5 miles per day on his hands and knees, or hands and feet, it took him seven days to cross the finish line. His knees were blistered, but his spirits were high. He stood up on his feet for the first time and beat his chest. The gorillas thank you, sir, and we do too. 60 May 4 , 2017

Boulder Weekly


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