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Boulder County ’s Tr ue Independent Voice / FREE / www.boulder weekly.com / December 22 - 28, 2016

’Twas the night before Christmas

Someone once said that if we sleep well, we wake up well. More prepared for our day, more present for our friends and families and more open to the opportunities and simple pleasures that every day has to offer. Smart person.

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Local organic farmers deliver fresh produce to Standing Rock by Angela K. Evans

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Playing soccer is out of reach for many kids in Boulder County by Angela K. Evans

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‘Weathering Climate’ calls for the union of science and art by Zach Evens

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departments 4 THE HIGHROAD: Guess who’s joined Trump’s ‘barking carnival act?’ 5 GUEST COLUMN: ’Tis the Season to defeat pipelines 5 DANISH PLAN: Boulder’s latest green dreams 6 LETTERS: Signed, sealed, delivered, your views 26 ARTS & CULTURE: ‘Finding Neverland’ falls flat 27 OVERTONES: Yonder Mountain banjoist Dave Johnston dishes on satisfaction 29 BOULDER COUNTY EVENTS: What to do and where to go 31 BW’S NEW YEARS EVE GUIDE 39 POETRY: by Faith Shearin 40 SCREEN: ‘Rogue One: A Star Wars Story’ has characters without character 41 FILM: ‘The Brand New Testament’ takes a shot at the divine 43 DEEP DISH: Zoe Ma Ma’s got you covered 48 DRINK: Tour de brew: Oskar Blues Brewery 53 ASTROLOGY: by Rob Brezsny 55 S AVAGE LOVE: More feet; Understanding my attractions; Election blues 57 WEED BETWEEN THE LINES: The penguin at the tip of the iceberg 59 CANNABIS CORNER: The DEA’s tangled web 60 IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: An irreverent view of the world Boulder Weekly

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Publisher, Stewart Sallo Editor, Joel Dyer Associate Publisher, Fran Zankowski Director of Operations/Controller, Benecia Beyer Circulation Manager, Cal Winn EDITORIAL Senior Editor, Angela K. Evans Entertainment Editor, Amanda Moutinho Special Editions Editor, Caitlin Rockett Contributing Writers: Peter Alexander, Dave Anderson, Rob Brezsny, Michael J. Casey, Gavin Dahl, Paul Danish, James Dziezynski, Sarah Haas, Jim Hightower, Dave Kirby, Michael Krumholtz, Brian Palmer, Leland Rucker, Dan Savage, Alan Sculley, Ryan Syrek, Gregory Thorson, Christi Turner, Tom Winter, Gary Zeidner, Mollie Putzig, Mariah Taylor, Betsy Welch, Noël Phillips, Carolyn Oxley, Grant Stringer, Billy Singleton Interns: Claire Woodcock, Zach Evens SALES AND MARKETING Retail Sales Manager, Allen Carmichael Senior Account Executive, David Hasson Account Executive, Julian Bourke Market Development Manager, Kellie Robinson Inside Sales Representative, Jason Myers Marketing Manager, Devin Edgley Mrs. Boulder Weekly, Mari Nevar PRODUCTION Production Manager, Dave Kirby Art Director, Susan France Graphic Designer, Mark Goodman Assistant to the Publisher Julia Sallo CIRCULATION TEAM Dave Hastie, Dan Hill, George LaRoe, Jeffrey Lohrius, Elizabeth Ouslie, Rick Slama 17-Year-Old, Mia Rose Sallo

December 22, 2016 Volume XXIV, Number 20 As Boulder County's only independently owned newspaper, Boulder Weekly is dedicated to illuminating truth, advancing justice and protecting the First Amendment through ethical, no-holdsbarred journalism and thought-provoking opinion writing. Free every Thursday since 1993, the Weekly also offers the county's most comprehensive arts and entertainment coverage. Read the print version, or visit www.boulderweekly.com. Boulder Weekly does not accept unsolicited editorial submissions. If you're interested in writing for the paper, please send queries to: editorial@boulderweekly.com. Any materials sent to Boulder Weekly become the property of the newspaper. 690 South Lashley Lane, Boulder, CO, 80305 p 303.494.5511 f 303.494.2585 editorial@boulderweekly.com www.boulderweekly.com

the

Highroad Guess who’s joined Trump’s ‘barking carnival act?’ by Jim Hightower

Boulder Weekly welcomes your correspondence via email (letters@ boulderweekly.com) or the comments section of our website at www.boulderweekly.com. Preference will be given to short letters (under 300 words) that deal with recent stories or local issues, and letters may be edited for style, length and libel. Letters should include your name, address and telephone number for verification. We do not publish anonymous letters or those signed with pseudonyms. Letters become the property of Boulder Weekly and will be published on our website.

4 December 22, 2016

erk up people — for I bring you tidings of great joy: Gov. “Oops” is back! Yes, Rick Perry, the former Texas governor who specialized in putting the “goober” in gubernatorial, is being brought back from well-earned obscurity in rural Texas to join the menagerie of characters in The Donald Show. For us lovers of low political com-

edy, Perry is literally an early Christmas gift from on high — not from heaven (not that high), but from the dizzying heights of Trump Tower. That’s where the orange-haired Impresario-in-chief has been holding try-outs for his Washington cast, and Perry is a slapstick-perfect choice for Trump’s bizarre cabinet. Who can forget Perry’s classic “oops moment” during his first failed run for the White House? Campaigning as a far-out, right-wing slasher of government services, he boldly declared in a televised debate that — by gollies — he would eliminate three federal agencies entirely, dramatically reeling off the names of his three victims: the Department of Commerce, Department of Education, and... and... and, alas, as a national TV audience watched in horror, Rick’s brain just could not recall the third federal department he planned to kill off.

For more information on Jim Hightower’s work — and to subscribe to his award-winning monthly newsletter, The Hightower Lowdown — visit www.jimhightower.com.

He was roundly ridiculed as being dumber than a dust bunny. But now — proving once again that being even quasi-smart is not a requirement for getting a high political job — Perry has been hired by Trump to be our next Secretary of Energy. Yes, that is the very agency that was third on the Goober’s elimination list! He is actually being appointed to head the $32 billion department he couldn’t name during the 2012 presidential race. Here’s another comic twist in Rick’s appointment. While briefly running for president again this go ’round, Perry assailed Trump as a “barking carnival act.” And now he’s a tail-wagging dog in Donnie’s carnival. This opinion column does not necessarily reflect the views of Boulder Weekly. Boulder Weekly

guest column ’Tis the Season to defeat pipelines by Christian O’Rourke

he recent failure to issue the final permit for the Dakota Access Pipeline by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers made international news as a victory against corporate greed. This triumph can be attributed to the tireless work of Indigenous people who spent months in North Dakota protesting to defend their land and water, as well as myriad communities around the nation and the world who provided donations to sustain their efforts. Boulder was no exception; over the past several months our community sent countless vehicles loaded with supplies and volunteers to Standing Rock to stand with water protectors in the fight against the Dakota Access Pipeline. But while the Standing Rock encampment attracted international attention, the risk of proposed pipelines near our natural resources and water sources is not only applicable in North Dakota. Currently communities in New York (Algonquin pipeline), Florida (Sabal Trail pipeline), Texas (Trans Pecos pipeline) and elsewhere are opposing pipelines that are planned to cross rivers, aquifers and precious farmlands. Projects like these threaten the health of our water and contribute to global climate change by greatly increasing the capacity to extract fossil fuels for decades to come. Oil Change International’s 2016 report, The Sky’s Limit: Why the Paris Climate Goals Require a Managed Decline of Fossil Fuel Production, reveals the need to halt all new fossil fuel infrastructure expansion in order for the world to seriously try to meet the Paris climate goals and avoid catastrophic warming. Continued invest-

ment in new pipelines allows for increased potential carbon emissions, and, of course, increased risk of spills. And with the nomination of Exxon Mobil’s CEO as Secretary of State, it’s evident that the next administration intends to extract as much oil and gas as possible. Limiting the capacity for extracting and exporting fossil fuels is a huge step to mitigating this plan and reducing dangerous greenhouse gas emissions. The transition to renewable energy will not take place overnight, but continuing to construct fossil fuel infrastructure that will operate for decades would mean taking several huge steps backwards. Boulderites can support the transition to clean energy by taking their money out of big banks that fund these pipelines, namely Wells Fargo, Chase and Bank of America, and reinvesting in local credit unions. Furthermore, we can support the communities who do not believe short-term economic gains outweigh the environmental and social risks that pipelines pose by sharing their stories and creating conversations to educate others. Standing Rock was the beginning of a much bigger movement emphasizing that the future of energy is no longer down a hole, and Boulder can help lead the way. Christian O’Rourke is an organizer with Earth Guardians, a Boulder-based climate justice organization dedicated to empowering youth and amplifying their voice. He is also working with young Coloradans to oppose harmful policies and promote progressive policies that work for all of us. This opinion column does not necessarily reflect the views of Boulder Weekly.

CURRENTLY COMMUNITIES IN

New York (Algonquin pipeline), Florida (Sabal Trail pipeline), Texas (Trans Pecos pipeline) and elsewhere are opposing pipelines that are planned to cross rivers, aquifers and precious farmlands.

Boulder Weekly

danish plan Boulder’s latest green dreams by Paul Danish

he Boulder City Council has formally adopted a series of climate targets that, among other things, call for Boulder getting 100 percent of its electricity from renewable sources by 2030. The goals also call for the city to reduce community greenhouse gas emissions to 80 percent below 2005 levels by 2050. The Daily Camera reported that city leaders believed the goal was, in the paper’s words, “ambitious but doable.” Getting 100 percent of the electricity Boulder uses from renewable is technologically doable. The real question is whether Boulder residents will really want to do it once they learn what doing it will take. The climate goals were adopted unanimously by City Council, and polling shows goals of this sort are wildly popular — in principle. But I wonder if the City fathers and mothers have really thought through what they may be getting Boulder into. They might start by asking themselves the following questions: • Is Boulder prepared to allow wind turbines to be erected on local open space? It currently takes about 125 megawatts of generating capacity to supply Boulder with electricity (results vary from hour to hour, day to day, and season to season). State-of-the-art wind turbines generate 3 megawatts of elec-

tricity each when they are running at capacity, but because winds are erratic they crank out only about 35 percent of their rated capacity over the course of a year. (Conventional power plants routinely produce electricity at 80 to 90 percent of their rated capacity over the course of a year.) This means that if Boulder were to install 40 450-foot tall wind turbines on open space land — 120 megawatts of generating capacity — it would get only about a third of its electricity consumption from them. It would need more than 120 of these behemoths to get all of its juice from wind (batteries not included). • Is Boulder prepared to allow solar arrays on Boulder open space? Like wind turbines, over the course of a year photovoltaic cells produce only a small fraction of the electricity they could produce if they could operate at their rated capacity 24/7 — about 15 to 20 percent as much. A square mile of 20 percent efficient solar cells has a rated capacity of about 240 megawatts, which means Boulder would need about 2.5 square miles of solar arrays to generate all its power with photovoltaics. Is it prepared to allow solar power panels to cover say 1,600 acres of open space? • Alternatively, is Boulder willing to nag, pay or force the owners of more than 40,000 residences and businesses to install solar panels on say 70 million see DANISH PLAN Page 6

December 22, 2016 5

letters An open letter to Boulder City Council, especially Matt Applebaum

I recently shared a video of a homeless woman at a Capitol rally with the Human Relations Commission: tinyurl. com/zoavmo6. Today I talked with the Chair, who said if we could find the woman she would open her home to her. But homeless advocate extaordinaire Darren O’Connor says she’s gone missing. I’m pretty sure from her looks and speech patterns that she is American Indian. Your persecution of the homeless mirrors that of our ancestors’ persecutions of the Indians, who make up a disproportionate share of the homeless now. Anyone who sees this video and continues to want to persecute the homeless is not just sick but perverted. Yet that is what the City of Boulder stands for! As I told Council in November, Boulder is a machine for creating homelessness, because of: 1. Greedy landlords, real estate hoarding and the worst gentrification between the coasts. 2. Council policies against tiny homes, co-ops, etc. 3. Boulder is a major software center working overtime to automate everyone out of their job. The Royal Bank of Scotland predicts 30 to 50 percent of all jobs in the developed world will eventually be automated. It will be much worse for the developing world. Does it make you feel clever, Councilman Applebaum, that you make

money off all three causes of misery? And you claim the City’s services attract the homeless from elsewhere. As I asked my erstwhile friend Rep. Jared Polis, what’s the plan? Will billions of unemployed homeless people be bulldozed into mass graves? Fed to cattle, or eaten directly? You better start solving this and other real and pressing problems rather than “addressing” them with junkets to Oregon, commissions and memorials to the homeless your policies have helped kill. “Tweaking” your band-aid approaches isn’t working. A huge proportion of homeless do not need your vaunted services, and the attendant Trail of Tears they maneuver to get them. They need homes, even if it’s a tent for now. Council’s homeless policies represent Downtown Boulder, Inc. (DBI) and other intolerant rich and powerful people. You and DBI, etc. are NOT masterminds. Nobody is! Remember the “Best and the Brightest”? The Smartest Guys in the Room? The Masters of the Universe? How about the Master Race? Your policies towards the homeless have been a complete failure for at least 50 years since the late great Bob McFarland, M.D. suggested you create a campground for young people who have been coming here every summer in spite of your persecutions. Your policies have made you thousands of enemies among the young, the poor and the eccentric. This and other City “zero tolerance” policies doubtless exacerbate graffiti, vandalism, alcohol, addiction and other problems, not to

mention overloading the emergency rooms and spreading disease. Remember when someone painted “Injustice Center” on the front of the Justice Center, whose biggest business is persecuting the homeless now that marijuana is legal? Many homeless people will not use the shelter — even IF there is spacebecause of a slew of problems: 1.Sexual harassment 2. Bed bugs 3. Diseases including respiratory ones exacerbated by our cold winters combined with your prohibition of bedding and tents. 4. Smells of dirty and unhealthy people. 5. Separation of couples who have only each other 6. Problems with the mentally ill 7. Noise, especially a problem with vets with PTSD Two more things: The offensive homeless probably constitute 5 percent of the total but are the ones you most notice, who cause the hatred the homeless face. Most of the homeless are hiding from you! Secondly, one entire group (I’d guess 30 percent) is what I call the ethical homeless. They will not join the military, the usual last resort for the poor. They will not work for the military-industrial complex, the biggest business on Earth according to the U.N. Research Institute for Social Development. And they don’t want to be part of the establishment in any way. In this they are like the Zapatista rebels in Mexico, still in control of an area with 250,000 Maya 22 years after

6 December 22, 2016

Power forward

Looking at Trump’s choices for positions in his administration, it’s clear that he is bringing a climate wrecking see LETTERS Page 7

danish plan

DANISH PLAN from Page 5

square feet of their roofs? • And that’s just for openers. Is Boulder willing to install twice the foregoing amounts of wind or solar generating capacity to meet the needs of some 60,000 electric cars and trucks that the city would like to see replace the gasoline- and diesel-powered ones currently driven by Boulderites? • But wait, there’s more. Is Boulder prepared to provide another big tranche of green electric generating capacity to replace the natural gas that currently heats about 99 percent of the city’s homes and businesses? And are Boulder residents willing to pay the higher utility bills likely to come with all-electric heat? • Would Boulder be prepared to invest in other renewable or carbon-free

they declared war on the Mexican Army on the first day of NAFTA, which they called “a death sentence for the poor.” The women forswore having kids until things changed. Their slogan is “everything for everybody, nothing for us.” Many millennial homeless especially are like this. They don’t need counseling. They are superior people, and may include the next MLK and Gandhi. Leave them be. To fix this problem you have helped create, start by repealing the no camping ordinance for this winter and follow up by establishing a campground in honor of Dr. McFarland for next summer. Charge $5 a night or half hour of work and let well-known local responsible homeless run it. Homeless advocate Judy Cardell, for one, knows them. I think the flat sunny area just west of the Red Rocks in Settlers Park is underused and could accommodate perhaps 50 people, for one location. Figure out zoning for tiny homes, as many communities across the U.S. have done. Make cooperative living possible. If and when the “last will be first and the first will be last,” where will you be? Do you think the worst inequality in a century will last forever? Learn from history instead of repeating it to serve your overlords! Evan Ravitz/ back in Boulder

energy sources like hydroelectric power? Would it be prepared to build new dams in the local canyons? • The Boulder City Council wants to densify Boulder’s existing residential neighborhoods, and continues to stuff new development into every available nook and cranny in the 28th/30th Street corridor and North Boulder. (The term of art is “infill.”) Is Boulder prepared to increase its wind and solar generating capacity still further to meet the demand for additional electric power that comes from the additional population growth? • Alternatively, would Boulder be willing to limit its population in order to limit its energy consumption? Would it be willing to throw affordable housing

under the all-electric bus in order to achieve its renewable energy goals? • Climate change will produce winners and losers. Winning in Boulder might involve milder winters and higher levels of rainfall. If climate modeling definitively determines that Boulder will be a winner, should it still continue to fight climate change? • How much more is Boulder prepared to spend for green electricity than for natural gas generated electricity? Is the sky the limit? Or if you have to ask does it mean you can’t afford it? • Is the Boulder City Council prepared to sit through scores of torchand-pitchfork public hearings when people start to figure out just what sort of trade-offs will be required in order to

have 100 percent carbon-free electricity? And so on. I get the sense that City Council has adopted its climate change proposals without thinking through the consequences of the commitment. It certainly hasn’t been very candid with the people as to what the commitment will entail. Nassim Nicholas Taleb, the author of the bestselling book The Black Swan, once remarked that “an idea starts to be interesting when you get scared taking it to its logical conclusion.” By that standard, Boulder’s approach to fighting global warming is one of its more interesting ideas. This opinion column does not necessarily reflect the views of Boulder Weekly. Boulder Weekly

letters

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LETTERS from Page 6

crew to Washington. Time is running out on our ability to fight catastrophe. As Bill McKibben says: “Climate change is a war where winning slowly is exactly the same as losing!” For the next few years our best hopes for success lie at the state and local level. It is urgent that we move ahead with implementing Boulder’s Climate Commitment (bouldercolorado.gov/climate). And the best way to accelerate this effort is through municipalizing our electric system. Xcel charges us high prices for their 75 percent climate-wrecking electricity. Boulder Electric Power will have low costs for 100 percent renewable electricity before 2030 and will save us money and stimulate local entrepreneurship because the cheapest forms of generation are now renewable. According to Xcel’s own numbers, wind is now cheaper than the fuel and operating costs of even old fossil generation. Let’s power forward with Boulder Light and Power. Ken Regelson/Boulder

A Christmas message

Taking this time to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a New Year filled with joy and happiness. May we bond together in love and caring and keep the stars adjoined in the glow of a peaceful outcome for the problems faced in this world. The battle of life is difficult and peace hard to find, but each of us has the ability to take that moment to feel the joy of peace and love, if only in our hearts. Who knows one day we may all join together with the wisdom, strength and grace to be a part of a lasting and eternal peace. I know that looking at the world as it is now it is hard to imagine. Keep the heart of love always present and find the joy that is there within you. Perhaps one day the hate and violence will be a thing of the past. We must look forward to a future filled with beauty and love. If we do not do this we become the embittered remnants of all those who have been the catalysts for all things evil in this world. Love is the promise, God is the gift, and we must be the answer. Gary Carter/Walhalla

What makes America great?

Trump’s campaign begs the question, “What makes America great?” As an immigrant nation, primary to Boulder Weekly

our greatness is our embrace of diversity and our understanding that we do not take one step forward that does not include us all. With Trump I feel usurped of confidence in our ability to protect the great abundance of public land, virgin forests, clean rivers and deserts. Great are the multitude of citizens, working with federal and state agencies committed to maintaining the integrity of the land, air and water while providing multiple use and maintaining public access to public assets. I am disappointed by Trump’s choice of appointees who would reduce our greatness for the profits of a few or inspire hate like the white gangs in New York attacking lone Muslim women. Maybe we WILL need to make America great again. John Hoffmann/Carbondale

Response to Trump’s SOS appointee

In response the President-elect’s nomination of Rex Tillerson to be Secretary of State, Greenpeace Executive Director Annie Leonard said: “Appointing Rex Tillerson to be our chief diplomat is an affront to global progress and will place the U.S. economy, our security, and our standing in the world in the same failing predicament Exxon is in right now. The global community continues to send a strong, collective message that it is ditching fossil fuels for clean energy. Rex Tillerson hid climate science so it could cash in on disaster, instead of transitioning his company to a position of true leadership. This appointment is a desperate grab for power by a failing industry that is perfectly fine bringing the American people down with it. “Tillerson is beloved by Russian oligarchs and oil magnates. He has used legal action to harass civil society who dares attempt to protect itself from existential harm. He has led his company and his industry to double down on an energy source that is literally poisoning the world and making it harder for humans to survive on it. At this moment in time, choosing a man who knows the world through the single frame of the oil and gas industry may actually be more dangerous than picking somebody with no understanding of the world at all.” Jason Schwartz/Greenpeace

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Boulder Weekly

NEWS Photos by Jon McDonnell, far right courtesy of Rod Brueske

Courtesy of Mark Guttridge

Food from organic farms throughout Boulder County including (from left to right) Monroe Organic Farms, Natural Homestead Beef, Corner Post Meats, Ela Family Farm, Jodor Farm, LaJoyia Farm and Ollin Farms have been delivered to protesters camped at Standing Rock.

A win-win for everybody

Oahe. But as a father of four with a very packed schedule — a full-time environmental engineer who runs Ollin Farms and sits on the board of Boulder County Farmers Market — Guttridge knew he couldn’t go up to North Dakota and camp out. But the two farmers realized there was something they could do; they could send fresh produce from Boulder County farms to feed the protesters. At the prompting of his wife, Brueske decided he could make a food delivery in October and Guttridge’s wife Kena started telling people at the Ollin Farmstand. Donations came pouring in and Brueske and Guttridge enlisted the help of about 10 farmers at the Union Station farmers’ market in Denver, who donated about 800 pounds of fresh produce. Brueske took his first trip up to Standing Rock on Saturday, Oct. 21, the same day 83 protesters were arrested while trying to prevent pipeline construction. To avoid police checkpoints surrounding the main Oceti Sakowin camp that day, Brueske brought the food donation to the the Sacred Stone camp on the other side of the Cannonball River. “The food was well received, a couple of the Native American leaders were really appreciative that

Local organic farmers deliver fresh produce to Standing Rock

by Angela K. Evans

few days after videos of dogs attacking protesters at a North Dakota site of the Dakota Access Pipeline (DAPL) went viral in early September, Boulder County organic farmers Rod Brueske and Mark Guttridge were talking at Guttridge’s Ollin Farms in Longmont. “The indignation of [the dog attacks] just blew me away, that this was going down,” Brueske says. “I just had that feeling like we have do something to help these people, these proud Americans standing up for their land and their rights.” He found a partner in Guttridge, who also wanted to figure out a way to show solidarity with the Native American and environmental protesters opposing the 1,172-mile pipeline, specifically the ones near the Standing Rock Sioux reservation where the pipeline is set to travel beneath the Missouri River and Lake Boulder Weekly

we brought food,” Brueske says. “When he came back he was like, ‘There’s such a big need and I really want to keep doing this over the winter,’” Guttridge remembers. So the pair worked with Sustainable Resilient Longmont to set up a donation booth at both the Boulder and Longmont farmers’ markets. This not only took some of the burden off local farmers, but it gave the entire community a chance to contribute to the efforts taking place in North Dakota. During two weeks of markets at the beginning of November, people donated more than $5,000 dollars. “It was super humbling to see how many people felt the spiritual connection and the need to show solidarity,” Guttridge says. “And they were so thankful to have the opportunity to help.” Separately, around the same time, University of Colorado senior Jon McDonnell started a GoFundMe campaign after hearing about the lack of fresh, healthy food from friends who had already been at the camps. In a matter of a few days, he raised $700 and more than $1,400 to date. Then one day, while at the Boulder Farmers Market, he heard about what Brueske and Guttridge were doing and the trio decided to join forces. Recruiting a few other drivers, including Chris Lamson who had collected 15 negative-30-degree See FARMERS Page 10

December 22, 2016 9

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FARMERS from Page 9

sleeping bags through a separate GoFundMe camOn Sunday, Dec. 17, paign, Brueske and McDonnell started making plans produce from Boulder for the next trip just before Thanksgiving. County farms was delivered to the Oceti On Nov. 20 they loaded four trucks with 2,500 Sakowin camp, pounds of carrots, radishes, potatoes, turnips, onions, pictured above with Tyler Aratani. winter squash and apples, among other produce, insulating it all from the freezing weather with the donated sleeping bags. This time the team arrived just a few hours before protesters clashed with police on Backwater Bridge on Highway 1806. After dropping off the donated food and supplies at the Red Warrior Camp and other kitchens in the main Oceti Sakowin camp, they took up positions at the back of the bridge, unable to fully comprehend what they were witnessing. They watched as law enforcement used water cannons, tear gas and concussion grenades in subfreezing temperatures to deter roughly 400 protesters from removing a road block. It turned out to be the bloodiest, most violent day of protest to date, with nearly 200 people injured. “That night on the bridge really galvanized my resolve being there to help these people,” Brueske says. “It just blew my mind.” When they returned to Boulder, the farmers began collecting the next round of storage crops for delivery as well as frozen meats from local ranchers after realizing there’s a severe lack of protein at the camps. Like many people, they weren’t sure what was going to happen after the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers’ Dec. 5 announcement that it won’t approve the necessary easement to drill under the Missouri River at this time. But while Standing Rock Sioux tribal chairman Dave Archambault II has asked non-Native Americans to leave the camps, many Native Americans from tribes across the country still remain, committed to preventing the pipeline from ever being completed. Still other activists are stranded at the nearby Cannon Ball community center, without the resources to return home as North Dakota settles in for winter. On Sunday, Dec. 17, McDonnell and Lamson delivered another 1,500 pounds of storage crops and frozen meats to the area. This time, they protected the produce from freezing temperatures with a custom-made insulated box made by Longmont carpenter Rick Fitzgerald. They dropped off part of the donated food at the community center to help the 2-300 people still camped out there, McDonnell says. The rest they left at the medic kitchen in the Oceti Sakowin camp, where a semi-permanent insulated shed can house the produce without fear of it freezing and the other kitchens throughout the camp will have access to it. “Spirits are always really high,” McDonnell says. “I think people really want to stay there because they want people to be aware of the fact that this is still going on, this is still an issue.” To date, produce and meat from Ollin Farms, LaJoyia Farm, Monroe Organic Farm, Aspen Moon Farm, Red Wagon Farm, Ela Family Farm, Natural Homestead Beef, Jodar Farm, Corner Post Meats and a few other local non-commercial farms has been delivered to Standing Rock. But this won’t be the last delivery, Guttridge, McDonnell and Brueske say. “As long as there is a need and the public wants to support it, we’ll continue to spend our time organizing it and making deliveries,” Guttridge says. Donations can still be made through Sustainable Resilience Longmont to help fund their efforts. “It’s an important time in our history. It’s the most important thing that we can be working on,” Guttridge says. “And it’s a win-win for everybody. The community can support the farmers and good food goes to where it’s needed to most.” Boulder Weekly

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NEWS

Courtesy of El Centro AMISTAD and Ninjas for Health/Kyle Pfister and Sara Soka

Marco’s Dream

Playing soccer is out of reach for many kids in Boulder County by Angela K. Evans

ine-year-old Marco Ortiz Castro’s a healthy Christmas list isn’t that long: new shin environment guards, cleats and maybe a few soccer and a balls. And he hopes to join a soccer healthy life team in the spring, perhaps even try for families.” out to be goalie. As a But there’s one problem — soccer is expensive. community “To have access in Boulder to any sport, not just health prosoccer, is a big privilege. It’s for people with money,” moter with says Jorge De Santiago, executive director of El AMISTAD, Elena Aranda first met Marco and his Centro AMISTAD, a nonprofit immigration rights family three years ago. The oldest of four children, organization. Since 2000, the group has been proMarco lives with his mom Roxanna and siblings in moting education, health and quality of life for Boulder Meadows mobile home park in North Latinos living in Boulder County. Boulder. As a soccer coach for the past 14 years, De “Since then, she’s been telling me about the diffiSantiago has seen many kids like Marco, kids who culty of having the children in activities in sports,” have passion and even talent, but who are unable to Aranda says. join local clubs and teams because of the Courtesy of El Centro AMISTAD and Ninjas for Healt/Kyle Pfister and Sara Soka cost. “I’ve watched Marco play and he has a lot of potential,” De Santiago says. “And there’s a lot of other kids like him. Kids in his neighborhood, that when I watch them play on the street, I think, ‘Wow, there’s a lot of talent there.’” As part of a new campaign, Justicia Refrescante (refreshing justice), El Centro AMISTAD is hoping to raise awareness of health equity gaps throughout Boulder County by sharing stories like Marco’s. The campaign hopes to shed light on the lack of access to healthy food, clean water and sports within the Latino population in an effort to increase the overall health and wellbeing of the community. So she tried to find Marco a “This is a lot of what families really scholarship to play on a local team, Top: Like lots of struggle with, and we want to bring those but the best she could do was the club other kids, Marco Castro dreams of voices out of the shadows and ask how we in Longmont where De Santiago was playing soccer in can really start addressing and change this the coach. Although there are schola local league, but the cost is in our community,” De Santiago says. arship programs available throughout prohibitive. Bottom: Throughout 2017, AMISTAD advothe county, De Santiago says at most Marco with his mom Roxanna cates plan to give presentations at they cover 60 percent of the annual and little sister. schools, city council meetings, and non$1,000 fee to join competitive teams, profit gatherings throughout Boulder leaving the family responsible for up County. The hope is to recruit both volunteers $400 dollars a year, plus the cost of equipment and and financial support for their efforts, De jerseys. Santiago says, but the ultimate goal is changing “But it’s not just the money, I can’t afford the local policy to address the access disparities time to take him to the games,” Roxanna says via a throughout the community. translator. “And that’s frustrating.” “For us this is a health equity issue,” De Santiago “For years I’ve been taking 10 kids in my car and says. “To have access to all these areas really provides taking them to practice,” De Santiago says. “It’s the Boulder Weekly

reality. And there’s a problem because there are a lot of parents working full time, two jobs, but the kids deserve to have that opportunity to play.” So even with the scholarship, Roxanna had to tell Marco he still couldn’t play soccer, a heartbreaking moment for both of them. De Santiago says AMISTAD works with another 30 to 40 kids in Boulder Meadows alone who are in the same situation as Marco — dreaming of participating in sports teams and classes, but their families either can’t afford the time or resources to enroll them. Although soccer is the biggest draw for both girls and boys, kids also want to play basketball and baseball, take gymnastics and dance. Sometimes AMISTAD will organize pick up soccer games for the kids on Saturdays at Crestview Elementary and 50 kids will show up. “We want to give the kids not just a one-time shot at playing, but we want to see more sustainable ways for them to continue playing,” De Santiago says. “AMISTAD is committed to doing that for these families.” With financial and transportation help through AMISTAD, Marco’s able to play games this winter at Boulder Indoor Soccer, along with six other kids sponsored through the efforts of the Justicia Refrescante campaign. Come spring, Marco and the other kids want to join club teams as well, but it gets more difficult as there are more practices and games can be further away, De Santiago says. But for now, Marco is just happy to play. He sits in the chair next to his mom, wearing long soccer socks, his hands folded in his lap as he smiles and swings his legs. “I’m very thankful at finally seeing Marco and other kids’ dreams come true,” Roxanna says. “And having support from others, that makes me really happy, [it helps] to make Marco’s dreams come true.” December 22, 2016 13

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he National Center for Atmospheric Research (NCAR) is much more than a place for the Scientist Peggy Lemon and most prestigious climate scientists in the world artists George Peters and Melanie Walker collaboto work; exhibits and learning opportunities rated to create ‘Warm Meafford anyone who enters the center the option morial’ for the Weathering Climate exhibit currently on to experience something about the environment in a way display at NCAR. they might not have before. Currently on display, Weathering Climate matches scientists and artists in collaborative projects to highlight a particular environmental issue with the hope of reaching a wider audience, as art communicates primarily through storytelling and visuals, and science communicates through mathematics and charts. The union of science and art in this exhibit draws visitors into the broader concept of climate change and how we all must interact with it. “Arts and sciences have different ways of seeing the world,” says Marda Kirn, executive director of EcoArts Connections, who helped organize the exhibit. “The more ways we can See WEATHERING CLIMATE Page 16

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pull together these different ways of seeing the “Warm Memorial” world to try to understand climate change and what captures the energy we can do to work towards solutions, the better off potential of wind as viewers hear and we’ll be.” experience the Working with curator Lisa Gardener of the concept in a new way. UCAR Center for Science Education, Kirn coupled artists and scientists together from all across the country including some locals. For instance, scientist Peggy Lemone and artists George Peters and Melanie Walker became a team. The triad joined forces to create a sculpture to interact with the wind and highlight the dangers of continued fossil fuel use. Peters and Walker came up with a sculpture design, for their piece “Warm Memorial,” a large walkway now situated in front of NCAR’s main entrance. The piece includes a series of chords connected to poles anchored in the ground. Hanging from the poles are black rocks representing coal. The intent is to show the relationship between the wind and power consumption, and ultimately the climate system. When the air blows through the sculpture, the chords move and vibrate, creating sounds that give voice to the wind while highlighting its erratic movement across the landscape. “I’m not sure how George and Melanie settled on what they did, but they managed to capture both the wind and climate change in their sculpture, which looks to me like a series of ‘doorways,’ which captured the sound of the wind going from doorway to doorway to doorway,” says Lemone. “It gives you a visceral appreciation for the movement of that wind gust that is captured quantitatively by that grid of wind sensors.” With the black rocks weighing down the sculpture, the chords are made to look like wires on an electrical grid. And the piece makes a statement about the heavy reliance the United States places on fossil fuels to generate energy. “Making artful statements on current issues often keeps them in the public mind and view. The more discussion of these important milestones keeps all of us engaged in our environment. We tend to gravitate toward works that light up or inspire a wordless sense of awe,” Walker says. “It is our curiosity and wonder of our environment and surroundings that should inspire us to save them.” Glimmering in the sun, and making the invisible wind visible, the sculpture’s message points toward using renewable energy in the future. The trend is, however slowly, beginning to change. In 2010, the United States used coal to generate close to 2 million gigawatt hours (GWh) of energy, and in 2015 that number dropped to about 1.2 million GWh, according to the Environmental Protection Agency. Wind energy is on the upward trend, albeit not rapidly. In 2010, the U.S. generated 15,000 GWh worth of energy from wind power, and in 2015 that number rose to almost 200,000 GWh. Another piece in Weathering Climate questions what changes should be prioritized to combat a threat that is no longer existential. In “Trigger Points Boulder Weekly

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Boulder Weekly

ADVENTURE

t the Boulder Transit Center A group of mountain on 14th Street, Tom bikers take a break on Sampson loads his bike onto their ride from Nederland to Winter Park. the rack of the N bus and fastens down the turquoise frame. Its sleek 4-and-a-half-inch rear suspension system and 29-inch wheels are designed for riding up steep technical terrain and navigating down-trail obstacles. A half an hour later, Sampson hops off at the Nederland Parkn-Ride, and within minutes he’s on one of the numerous trails that wind through the Magnolia area. When he finishes his ride, he’ll either have to circle back to the bus, or he can cruise Highway 119 or Magnolia Road down to Boulder. “It’s pretty popular on the weekend — the trails are really good. The downfall is that you can’t ride [a trail] back to Boulder. Anyone up there on a bike would rather be on a trail,” he says, “That’d be the dream.” The Magnolia area of the Boulder Ranger District, which can be found generally south and west of Nederland and extending east towards Boulder (see map on page 20), has experienced “a substantial increase in recreation use” over the past several decades, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s (USDA) Forest Service. An influx of people has created an estimated 62 miles of non-motorized trails, 46 of which are known to the Forest Service as “non-system” or “social trails,” the other mileage belonging to National Forest System trails. These “unauthorized trails,” according to the Forest Service, have “led

Boulder Weekly

Courtesy of Boulder Mountainbike Alliance

All in for the long ride A decade-long collaboration may finally bring new mountain biking trails to Nederland by Emma Murray to resource damage, trail damage and unmanaged recreation use in the ... area. As a result, the trail system has become unsustainable with environmental impacts increasing every year.” “Basically, on a map it looks like a spaghetti-bowl of unsustainable trails,” said Recreation Manager Matt Henry with the Boulder Ranger see NEW TRAILS Page 20

December 22 , 2016 19

ADVENTURE

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Courtesy of USDA Forest Service 73 W

72 W

Map Disclaimer: This map is intended to depict physical features as they generally appear/could appear on the ground GIS and Data Information and may not be used to determine title, ownership, legal boundaries, legal jurisdiction, including Coo rd inate System: NAD 1983 UTM Zone 13N jurisdiction over roads or trails, or access restrictions that may be in place on either public or private Projectio n: Tran sverse Mercator land. Obtain permission before entering private lands, and check with appropriate government offices Datum: North American 1983 for restrictions that may apply to public lands. Lands, roads, and trails within the boundaries of a False Easting: 500,000.0000 national forest may be subject to restrictions on motor vehicle use. Natural hazards may or may not False Northing: 0.0000 be depicted on the map, and land users should exercise due caution. This map is not suitable for Central Meridian: -105.0000 navigational use. Scale Factor: 0.9996 Data Disclaimer: Latitude Of Orig in: 0.0000 The USDA F orest Service makes no warranty, expressed or implied, including the warranties of Units: Meter merchantability and fitness for a particular purpose, and assumes no legal liability or responsibility for Date: 8/24/2016 the accuracy, reliability, completeness or utility of these geospatial data, or for the improper or incorrect Time: 1:59:15 PM use of these geospatial data. These geospatial data and related maps or graphics are not legal Map Author: A.Od om documents and are not intended to be used as such. T he data are dynamic and may change over time. The user is responsible to verify the limitations of the geospatial data and to use the data accordingly.

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Magnolia Trails Final Proposed System Roosevelt National Forest - Boulder Ranger District Other Symbols

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Boulder County Trail TBD Gate

National Forest System Road Administrative Use Only Road State Highway

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NOTE: All trail alignments are approximate and may vary slightly from location depicted on map. 73 W

Boulder County Open Space Conservation Easement Private/Non-Forest Land 1:10,000

National Forest System Trail County Trail Toll Conservation Easement Trail Groomed Winter Non-Motorized Trail 0.25

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72 W

NEW TRAILS from Page 19

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District in an August press release. “The goal is to turn that spaghetti bowl into a Magnolia Trail System sustainable, non-motorized trail system that profinal system map. vides a better user experience that’s more in tune with what users are seeking,” Henry said. “We are hoping to do that by improving trail location, alignment and connectivity in a way that also minimizes the impacts to wildlife habitat.” Balancing conservation with recreation has never been an easy job for those tasked with managing wilderness areas. To achieve this balance in the Magnolia area, the Forest Service has spent the last decade collaborating with several trailuser organizations on a plan to systematize and legitimize a new 44-mile trail system. The collaboration harkens to the Forest Service’s mission statement: “providing the greatest amount of good for the greatest amount of people in the long run.” In August, the USDA officially released a proposal for the “Magnolia NonMotorized Trails project,” which intends to fortify existing trails, build new trails and decommission or obliterate existing social trails that are redundant or conflict with environmental practices. After a period of public input and reconfiguration, the final draft is anticipated by the end of the year, and the first stages of implementation are scheduled to begin in 2017. The project area involves 6,000 acres across the Boulder Ranger District of the Roosevelt National Forest in both Boulder and Gilpin counties. While the 44 miles of proposed trails will predominantly wind around National Forest System lands, some private and Boulder County lands will also be included in the project. “I moved here because it’s a good area to be a cyclist. However, I wouldn’t say it’s a good area to be a mountain biker,” says Sampson, a professional cross country mountain bike racer who relocated to Boulder from New Hampshire in May. “[Trails are limited,] what you can access from town — all basic, beginner friendly, which is needed, but it’ll keep you entertained for a little while before you need something more.” To find more without travelling too far, Sampson heads up to the Nederland area. “Trails up there are really nice, and super popular on the weekend when people can escape. As far as new trails go, I’m totally on board,” he says. “Having something new in the area would be a major step in the right direction.” Steve Watts, director of the Boulder Mountainbike Alliance (BMA), has been working closely with the Forest Service and the Nederland Area Trails Organization (NATO) to ensure all voices are being heard. Eighteen months ago, Watts was appointed BMA’s first full-time executive director and has since deepened the group’s relationship with other organizations to improve trail experiences for all types of users, from hikers to horseback riders, bikers and skiers. His main concern with the Magnolia project is to ensure it reflects a balance between the Boulder Weekly

ADVENTURE Forest Service’s safety and environmental standards, the demands of a growing trail-using community and the integrity of the existing mountain bike community. “We have allied ourselves with [NATO] and formed an ad-hoc committee with a few of our board members … to better work with the Forest Service in giving a voice to how the trail building and design get implemented. We’re very much in favor, and we’re excited to move forward in the implementation [stage],” he says. The hope is that an effective trail system will provide a safer recreational experience for all visitors by reducing the likelihood of getting lost and clarifying interaction protocols between those walking on foot and those riding horses or bikes. Curating and legitimizing a trail and trailhead network can alleviate issues like the sedimentation of sensitive waterways and soil compaction and erosion that social trails and ad hoc parking areas impact over time. Systematizing the trails, the Forest Service states, “minimizes impacts to cultural values and sensitive wildlife habitat.” Watts agrees wholeheartedly. “We feel like a well-managed system that invites people to recreate in a legitimate way will discourage some of the behavior that has been present historically in the Magnolia area,” he says. Watts hopes the proposed trail system will improve troublesome interactions between “locals, visitors and the transient population,” trash piles, gun or firework use, “people doing drugs or alcohol to excess” and other issues that have “really brought themselves to a head [in the Magnolia area] recently.” “People have an opportunity in this Magnolia trails plan to change that in a positive way,” he says. “So we’re looking for a more defined way to use that unused land, replacing [these negative tendencies] with more positive behaviors and folks obeying the law.” Michael Smith, “a longtime Nederland guy,” wildland firefighter and avid mountain biker, says, “I absolutely think that the better trail system — a well-managed system — will do nothing other than enhance the trails’ user experience. That’s also going to lead to a better economic model to the local communities, bringing more tourist dollars in and building that local community.” Smith joined the NATO board of directors three years ago, and has lived in Nederland for more than 16 years. “Our primary concern [in negotiating with the Forest Service] has been to maintain the character and flavor of our trails, and also to become more inclusive for users within the Nederland area, making sure the trails are good for hiking, horses, cross-country skiing and fat biking,” he explains. “Every different [riding] area has a different feel that depends on how the local builders built their trails. Nederland has traditionally been a more technical riding area, and so we want to preserve that.” He adds, “The real success in cooperating with BMA and the Forest Service has really been how to find our seat at the table.” As a small bunch of local riders, the group’s mission is to both sustain and improve the Nederland trails they’ve been riding for years. “Overall, the cooperation with BMA and the Forest Service has been phenomenal,” Smith emphasizes. “It’s always difficult dealing with federal entities... and BMA has done well in hiring Steve [Watts] and others who are good at knowing the process and figuring out where we can get our voices heard. It’s been a long process to get everybody to sit at the table, and it’s a big deal that we’re all together now.” Outdoor enthusiasts and professionals, like Sampson, are drawn from across the country to Boulder’s storied outdoor recreation, especially mountain biking. But upon moving to Boulder, Sampson says, “I was surprised to see how little mountain biking there was around the area, especially because around the country Boulder is known as a cycling hub. But it’s road cycling,” he realizes. “It’d be cool if it could be turned into an all-inclusive riding community.” In recent years, Watts has noticed the influx of mountain bikers and riding popularity. “[We’ve seen] an unprecedented growth in population along the Front Range, all along 1-25 corridor. Mountain biking is a huge part of the demand from current residents and from those who are moving in. Younger people especially are coming with their mountain bikes.” Watts’ vision for BMA’s future preserves this commitment to more accessible and responsibly built mountain bike trails. “We want to build quality systems, and also regional trails, connecting where we live to where we ride. So we can get out of our cars and onto our bikes and ride Boulder to Lyons, or Boulder to Nederland. “[More trails are] much needed in terms of dispersing our use of mountain bike trails in sustainable and positive ways,” he says. “This is one piece of our puzzle.” Boulder Weekly

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Boulder Weekly

buzz Jason Marck

From the

terrestrial to the

celestial Klezmer and bluegrass musician Andy Statman bridges the gap

By Sarah Haas

They conduct themselves like madmen, and explain their behavior by saying that in Andy Statman and their thoughts they soar in the most far-off his Kimble mandolin. worlds ... Every day is for them a holiday. When they pray .. they raise such a din that the walls quake ... And they turn over like wheels, with the head below and the legs above â€” From a denunciation of the Hasidim by traditional Eastern Europe Rabbinic authorities, circa 1772

s long as music has existed it has bridged this gap between heaven and earth, from the earliest evidence of prehistoric music, shamanic in its imitation of natural sounds, to the marching of Gregorian chants aimed straight at God himself, to the holiday songs ringing in the season of giving. No matter how the holidays might have become estranged from the spirit of the season, the connection between music and the divine persists. There is perhaps no better testament to this than Andy Statman, New York-based maestro of clarinet and mandolin, who played with his trio at Boulderâ€™s newly built Jewish Community see KLEZMER Page 24

Boulder Weekly

December 22, 2016 23

Sarah Haas

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KLEZMER from Page 23

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Center ( JCC) in November. The trio opened its set with a 25-year-old Hasidic Statman at his melody, written to induce a spiritual experience in November both the player and listener. Despite its recent compoperformance at Boulder’s Jewish sition, the song sounded ancient, like it could have Community been written more than a century ago as a more tradiCenter tional Klezmer tune. Until Statman, Klezmer music was not used to refer to a musical style, merely applying to a loose genre of Jewish instrumental folk music stemming from the tradition of the Ashkenazi Jews of Eastern Europe. In 1995, Statman released Songs of Our Fathers with David Grisman, a collection of Jewish songs, most of which are more than 100 years old, heralding a regeneration of the culture’s music. The album was Statman’s communiqué about his own religious journey, and it struck a chord with an entire generation of American Jews, of which the audience at the JCC, mainly Jewish, mostly liberal and almost entirely of the baby boomer generation, represents well. Kathryn Bernheimer, cultural arts director for Boulder’s JCC, says her generation was accustomed to music acting powerfully as a vehicle for emotion, passion and human connection. Many of the Jewish children of the ’60s and ’70s, having rebelled against the religion of their parents, found a surrogate community in rock ‘n’ roll. But when she heard Songs of Our Fathers, Bernheimer says she rediscovered her long latent heritage and recognized a crucial part of her identity as a Jew. Statman, too, found his religion later in life. As a Ba’al teshuvah’, a Jew who returned to orthodox Judaism later in life, Statman famously says that it was through music that he found faith. To watch his audience at the JCC listen to his music was to witness a similar phenomenon. At first the room sat still and quiet, likely struck with a sense of awe. Haloed in dim light on the stage, Statman appeared divine, larger and somehow separate from life. But it was only a matter of minutes before the trance broke and the audience was moved, not necessarily to find God or religion, but to a more personal experience, as tears welled from their eyes and people spontaneously jumped from their chairs to dance. “[This feeling] is somewhat describable, but it’s something that really rings true to you when you experience it,” Statman says in an interview with Boulder Weekly. “You know it’s true, but you might not be able to say exactly why. It is an encounter with the truth. “[These experiences] are not an end in themselves, they are a sort of gift and they are necessary because they can confirm your faith and your belief system.” To hear him explain it is to hear a phenomenology of religion in the Hasidic tradition. Here, where the ideal is to live a hallowed life, even the most mundane action is sanctified as a worldly experience of God. In Hasidism, practitioners actively seek such experiences and, overtime, music has emerged as one of the most effective ways of connecting with God. This is the power of music, a universal language that compels us to experience something outside of the everyday events of our lives. But Statman’s music is remarkable in that it incorporates both the commonplace and the otherworldly. “In all Judaism, as a religion, everything is supposed to happen here,” Statman says. “You have jobs to do here in the world. As spiritually high as [ Judaism] is, it Boulder Weekly

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is equally mundane.” Statman’s love for music grew from rock ‘n’ roll and bluegrass, genres he still loves today. Aside from studying with distinguished traditional Jewish musicians like Dave Tarras and Itzhak Perlman, Statman played with bluegrass greats like David Grisman and Bela Fleck. Now 66 years old, Statman is no longer a student but a master artist in his own right. With more than 30 albums, several Grammy nominations and a National Heritage Fellowship from the National Endowment for the Arts, Statman is inarguably accomplished. And yet he’s one of us. Five songs into his set at the JCC, Statman stopped to talk with the audience about the Broncos game earlier that day before he and his trio, with Jim Whitney on bass and Larry Eagle on drums and percussion, broke into more than an hour of secular and sometimes even Christian-inspired bluegrass songs. Through these transitions, the specifics of the Jewish faith gave way to universal beliefs, and it became clear that transcendent experience does not exist solely in sacred songs played by a master, but in songs simply played with devotion. “Everyone has faith in something, Larry Eagle you know,” Statman says. “They might have faith in themselves, or in politics, or a particular candidate or ideology. Everyone has faith. That is a universal given, you know. Even if it is faith that the sun will come up and that there will be day or night.” Music, he says, is an art form that embodies the joy, tragedy and banality of living. To simply live from moment to moment requires us to proceed with a certain sense of faith. In the midst of the trio’s rendition of “Shenandoah Valley Breakdown,” a jolly bluegrass classic, Statman suddenly pulled his mandolin from the mix and began to retune the strings. Moments later he returned, his mandolin now sharp and out of tune, and entered into a discordant jam with the unchanging bass. “I did it because that’s where I wanted to go,” Statman says. “Because that’s what I felt like doing in that moment. In other words, when I play it At Statman’s is a lot like a conversation, a focused conversation that November show, the accomplished exists totally in the moment. musician played “We really have no real arrangement and no real both bluegrass and Jewish set-lists, only the most general of outlines. We are instrumental folk open to what is going to happen. We all know the music known as Klezmer. music, we all know the melody, we all understand the feelings that are being produced by a particular melody and we have fidelity to that.” For one night in November, the JCC was truly a modern version of shul, a Yiddish word meaning school, rooted in the Latin word for leisure. Onstage, Statman was utterly unconcerned with productivity, profit or politics but simply a focused conversation, a moment in life in service to something bigger. Therein he made room for spontaneous experiences, for both the player and the listener. As the holidays press nearer and we congregate with our friends, families and communities to celebrate the spirit of the season, days will undoubtedly be full of the mundane, of feasting and cleaning dishes, or navigating family dramas and buying last minute gifts. But they are also full of occasions for the divine, for experiences of emotion, love and joy, and maybe Statman can be a reminder to heed that call in the music of the season. “The reason that people are drawn to music, by and large, is because they enjoy it,” Statman says. “Music is fun; it induces an experience that people like. I think that the basic reason why people listen to music or play it is because it is fun and only then can it become a gateway for other things, like faith, as well.”

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o create a world as magical as Oz or as enchanted as Narnia, the writer must have one key ingredient. As Willy Wonka walks through his chocolate factory, he sings a song dedicated to that ingredient, “Come with me, and you’ll be in a world of pure imagination. Take a look and you’ll see into your imagination.” More than a century ago, with the help of some new friends, J. M. Barrie created Neverland and introduced the world to Peter Pan. And it is Barrie’s

In a world with no imagination

‘Finding Neverland’ falls flat

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vague sadness can’t be that deep. Within one song, he’s completely cleared of any residual feelings holding him back. And it turns out, he has the biggest imagination of them all! This evolution feels trite and rushed. Similarly, later in the show, Barrie’s crotchety producer is complaining about children in one moment — dismissively calling them “things” — then a few beats later, he’s singing about the importance of seeing the world through the eyes of a child. These character shifts are jarring and devoid of meaningful explanation. It’s a disservice to the characters and the storyline. With the success of the 2004 movie and the unwavering adoration of Peter Pan, Finding Neverland was a safe bet, and safe bets in theater can still give way for shows that breathe life into beloved franchises — notably 2003’s Wicked. A more successful return to Neverland was achieved by the 2012 Peter Pan origin story Peter and the Starcatcher. With a flamboyant Captain Hook and an entertaining approach to the classic story, Starcatcher is a funny, ON THE BILL: colorful addition to the Pan Finding Neverland. Denver canon, winning five out of Performing Arts Complex, the nine Tonys it was nom1345 Champa St., Denver, 720-865-4239. Through Jan. 1. inated for. Notably, Finding Neverland was nominated for zero Tonys. Cash grabs in theater are never entertaining to watch. Finding Neverland’s lack of fantasy is uninspired, at times bordering on insulting. To spend two and a half hours preaching about the importance of imagination and then deliver this musical is the equivalent of being in the desert watching a musical about the refreshing qualities of water. Stop singing about the damn water and hand me a glass! There are some small pieces show is a lack of character development. throughout the show that remind the The show assumes the viewer will audience of the potential of theater. A fall in love with its characters before giving any reason as to why. It’s neglect- song sung with shadows is a simple, yet stunning visual. Cute kids and an adorful to assume we’ll care about Barrie’s able dog provide moments of glee. And character just because he wrote Peter a character’s final goodbye is riddled Pan, or appreciate a bunch of children with the magic of pixie dust. just because they’re playing pirates. But as an overall note for the proWhen the musical fails to set up the duction: more glitter, always. characters initially, the rest of the show In the end, Finding Neverland is a suffers. As characters have emotional missed opportunity for fun and creativity. moments, the scenes fall flat because there’s no connection with the audience. I’d liken it to a run-of-the-mill sitcom on primetime television: Easy, recognizable Furthermore, this void of character development leads to confusing charac- subject matter with no real substance, and complete with laugh track. Unfortunately, ter decisions that make no sense. Early multiple times during this show, I found on, we’re introduced to Peter Llewelyn myself reaching for the remote control to Davies, a sad kid who doesn’t want to see what else was on. play pretend with his brothers. Yet his stand his newfound love for play or the children’s show he’s writing, but Barrie knows he’s stumbled upon something special. There is a lot wrong with Finding Neverland. It has many tenants of a lazy, lackluster musical: stale jokes, forgettable songs, forced choreography, unnatural pacing and unnecessary use of video projections. Plus, the overbearing shadow of Peter Pan felt heavy handed, as if checking off items on a list of references to make. One of the biggest faults of the

story that is brought to life in Finding Neverland, now playing at the Buell theater through Jan. 1. But while Mr. Barrie had imagination in spades, the creators behind Finding Neverland did not. The musical, based on the 1998 play The Man Who was Peter Pan and then later the 2004 movie adaptation, premiered in England in 2012, later moving to Broadway in March of 2015. It tells the story of Barrie, a successful playwright in early 1900s London, desperate for a new idea to inspire him. He befriends a woman and her four sons, who reawaken his creativity and subsequently inspire him to create the The Boy Who Never Grew Up. Barrie’s peers, wife and producer don’t under-

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udging by the thin strands of snow clinging to the shaded crevices, we guessed that Yonder Mountain String Band’s latest video “Alison” was shot sometime around early summer. It’s as much a video travel brochure for early spring in Telluride as a shirttail standup by the band. “Yeah,” banjoist Dave Johnston tells us a couple of weeks ago. “We did that in June, right around the time of the festival. It was a fun video to shoot.” The song itself, a fairly upbeat little number inspired by a pretty obscure place: an anonymous Middle English poem from the 13th century, chronicled in an obscure manuscript now held at the British Museum. Thankfully the band re-interpreted and sung it in modern English. (Kinda tough to get your point across in the original text, with lines like “Nightes when I wende and wake, Forthy mine wonges waxeth wan/Levedy, al for thine sake/Longinge is ylent me on.”) Johnston, who reads a lot of poetry, says it touches on an enduring theme.

“Me and Adan [Aijala] did the bulk of the work on that one. I guess it sort of identifies as a ‘Dave song,’ but they all come from everyone. “It’s an old English poem, about a guy who likes a girl, who isn’t... y’know, really into him,” he laughs. “It’s not really about anyone in my life. But yeah, there’s lots of really great stuff in there.” We look up the original. Chaucer, maybe. Nah, predates Chaucer, who wrote in the second half of the 14th century. Chauceresque. Maybe, Chaucer-ish. Johnston cracks up. “Yeah, there you go. Chaucer-ish.” “Alison” is the first glimpse we get from YMSB’s next record, due out in the first quarter of 2017. It’s the band’s second album since fiddler Allie Kral and mandolinist Jake Joliff joined the band in the wake of Jeff Austin’s departure in spring 2014. While Johnston struggels a bit to describe

Banjoist Dave Johnston dishes on satisfaction by Dave Kirby

Boulder Weekly

see YONDER MOUNTAIN Page 28

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the record in handy soundbite terms, it’s pretty ON THE BILL: Yonder Mountain String Band. tough to have much perspective on a full-length Dec. 30-31. 7 p.m. Boulder release while it’s still in its incubator and the Theater, 2032 14th St., principals are still close to it. But he seems satisBoulder, 303-786-7030. fied that they are fully exploring and exploiting the possibilities the five-piece format offers them. We ask if the new members, especially the presence of a full-time fiddler, coaxed the band’s musical instincts a little bit more to traditional bluegrass territory. “From the beginning, traditional bluegrass was never very far from the surface of what we did, even though it wasn’t something that we were trying to do,” he says. “It’s a pretty foundational form of music. John Popper categorized it as a ‘nexus’ form of music... the talent pool is wide and deep as per individual players, but bluegrass has never been about individual players. It’s almost always been about players in bands. It’s an ensemble thing. “Something Courtesy Yonder Mountain/Emily Butler that I thought was very instinctive on our part and also very smart, and it maybe wasn’t even a conscious decision, was to go, ‘Well, bluegrass is really great music, and something that we really care about.’ When you have a fiddle, y’know, it’s like, ‘Wow, we can do fiddle tunes now or dance tunes, or whatever.’ Or maybe use that kind of music to inform Yonder Mountain String what your imagination comes up with.” Band will ring in the Ensembles, of course, are also the product new year at the Boulder Theater. of individual personalities, playing off each other and finding their own energy within the collective mechanism. We ask Johnston if he was conscious of changes in the band’s interpersonal dynamic since Austin’s departure. “The vibe between the five of us is very good, that’s about as specific as I can get. A lot of great things happen when you consider that camaraderie element, and how it influences how you’re going to play together,” he says. “Jeff was definitely a one-of-a-kind personality; he did really well at being a kind of character focus, if that’s what you call it. But now I feel like we have a lot of other feelings and vibes that are picking up the focus. Like Jake is a ferocious mandolin player; he kind pulls off a nice balance between being overtly technically proficient, and also keeping a little dirt under his nails. That’s not a common thing you see very often. “And Allie has fantastic energy onstage and fantastic energy with the fiddle. It’s one of those things where two plus three equals more than five.” When we chat, Johnston is readying himself for the band’s headlining gig at Strings & Sol at Puerto Morelos, Mexico, before heading to Colorado for a two night New Year’s eve show at Boulder Theater. Stings & Sol of course is the annual seaside Corona Borealis of string music that everyone just enjoys too much to worry about the cultural incongruence. “Yeah, not exactly two things you’d think would go together, but it’s a pretty fun hippy bluegrass beach party. The resort is really mellow and really accommodating. It’s a really beautiful part of Mexico,” Johnston says. “It’s always nice to get out of the cold, but it’s also nice to visit with your fans and reconnect with some of your musician friends on the beach.” Boulder Weekly

Courtesy of Yonder Mountain/Emily Butler

SEE FULL EVENT LISTINGS ONLINE. To have an event considered for the calendar, send information to calendar@ boulderweekly. com. Please be sure to include address, date, time and phone number associated with each event. The deadline for consideration is Thursday at noon the week prior to publication. Boulder Weekly does not guarantee the publication of any event.

THE STRING CHEESE INCIDENT. Dec. 29-31.

1stBank Center, 11450 Broomfield Lane, Broomfield, 303-410-0700. see EVENTS Page 35

Phat Daddy

Christmas in Acidland

Celia Gary

7:30 p.m. Friday, Dec. 23, Nissi’s, 2675 Northpark Drive, Lafayette, 303-665-2757.

8:45 p.m. Friday, Dec. 23, The Dairy Arts Center, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-447-9772.

8 p.m. Friday, Dec. 23, The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628.

The holidays are a time for parties and cheer. And it’s clear that Phat Daddy has one mission, and that’s to put on a good show and fill the holidays with fun. The five-member ensemble is a Denver staple that has played throughout Colorado getting audiences on their feet and keeping them there all night. Never one to commit to one genre, Phat Daddy boasts a diverse line up of epic tunes for any kind of party. Stop by Nissi’s for a night of entertainment with Phat Daddy at the reigns.

When the holidays come around, it seems like every channel wants to bombard us with the classic movies. But when you’ve gotten your fill of It’s A Wonderful Life, and you’re in the mood for something a bit more bizarre, yet still festive, then head to the Boedecker for Friday Night Weird. On Dec. 23, catch the delightfully strange Christmas in Acidland. Wrestling manager and rockabilly performer, Johnny Legend looked through thousands of hours of television to compile a package of the weirdest in holiday entertainment. Happy holidays indeed.

Boulder Weekly

Courtesy of Celia Gary Celia Gary has been writing music since she was 11 years old. Never settling down for too long in one place, Gary has traveled and lived all over the country. Playing shows from coast to coast, she’s a newcomer to Colorado who’s eager to explore the music scene. She pulls musical inspiration from her day-to-day life, describing her music as soulful and soothing. She shares the Laughing Goat stage with Theresa Peterson and Hunter Stone. It’ll be a night of calming, thoughtful music just in time to relax you before all that family time coming up.

Vibe

Courtesy of The Dairy

Explore

Dance

Courtesy of Nissi’s

December 22, 2016 29

30 December 22, 2016

Boulder Weekly

BOULDER: St Julien Hotel & Spa Presents: A Toast to 2017! New Year’s Eve Party — To ring in 2017, St Julien will offer guests and locals an evening of bubbly, balloon drops, food and music from Quemando, Honeycomb and DJ Max Antoine. 9 p.m. St Julien Hotel and Spa, 900 Walnut St., Boulder, $95 per adult, $160 per couple. The Motones — A special one-night concert featuring The Motones, who boast a songbook packed with retro songs from the likes of Jackson 5 to The Temptations to some current hits with a Motown twist. Admission includes an appetizer plate, dinner, party favors, a bottle of champagne for two and dancing on stage to celebrate the New Year. 6:30 p.m. BDT Stage, 5501 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder, 303-449-6000. NYE! Gramophone in Space — Hit Bohemian Biergarten at 10 p.m. to ring in 2017 with a funky future dance party. The night will feature tunes from Bobby C Sound TV with Gangsterish. Bohemian Biergarten, 2017 13th St., Boulder, 720-328-8328. New Year’s Eve with Lady and the Gentlemen. 10 p.m. The Lazy Dog Sports Bar & Grill, 1346 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-3355. Free.

New Year’s Eve Dance Party — Greet the New Year with a night filled with fun. Head to the Avalon Ballroom for a dance party, with American Vernacular Dance, featuring swing, sala, bachata, kizomba and ballroom. Complimentary champagne toast at midnight. 7:30 p.m. The Avalon Ballroom, 6185 Arapahoe Road, Boulder, 303-440-8303. $35 advanced, $45 at the door.

New Year’s Eve Throwdown Mimosa & Vibe Street — Mimosa is a staple in the West Coast EDM scene. He’ll be joined by Denver-based Vibe Street, who describes his genre as “Grass-Hop/ Future-Folk.” Also hitting the New Year’s Eve stage will be Love and Light & Jade Cicada. 8:30 p.m. Fox Theatre, 1128 13th St., Boulder, 720645-2467. All ages. $20-32.

New Year’s Eve at The Dirty Baroque Ball — Get ready for a night of powdered wigs, masked courtiers and surprises around every corner. Expect a night of shenanigans filled with champagne, music and a 17th-century French painting photobooh. All proceeds benefit BMoCa’s exhibitions and programs. 9:30 p.m. BMoCA, 1750 13th St., Boulder, 303-443-2122. $35-55.

Shine’s Free Magical Forest New Years Eve Party — This NYE, Shine offers up a mystical magical forest at Shine. Dress as your favorite magic maker and conjure up some good fortune for 2017. Enjoy seasonal meal options and specials. Dance to music from DJ Jahsonic. 8 p.m. Shine Restaurant and Gathering Place, 2027 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-0120. Free.

New Year’s Eve: Five Parties Under One Roof — The Hotel Boulderado offers a plethora of parties to choose from this New Year’s Eve. Between The Event Center, The Mezzanine, Spruce, Licence No. 1 and The Corner Bar, enjoy music, DJs, drinks, food, entertainment, balloon drops, toasts and other surprises. 5 p.m. Hotel Boulderado, 2115 13th St., Boulder, 303-4424344. Free at The Corner Bar, $25-145.

Yonder Mountain String Band — With their traditional lineup of instruments, the band may look like a traditional bluegrass band at first glance, but they’ve created their own music that transcends any genre. Ring in the New Year with this local favorite. 8 p.m. Boulder Theater, 2032 14th St., Boulder, 303-786-7030. $65-85. EAST COUNTY: Kerry Pastine & The Crime Scene — It’s Deviant Dale’s release party. Come grab a brew, eat some grub, toast at midnight and have a rockin’ time. 7 p.m. Oskar Blues Home Made Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400.

NYE 2017, Casino Royale Ball, Flatirons Jazz Orchestra — Swing dancing with The Flatirons Jazz Orchestra, featuring Deborah Stafford. Ticket price includes champagne, food, balloons, top hats and party favors. There will also be gambling tables with professional dealers. Each guest receives $100 in chips with ticket purchase, and more chips will be available by donating to Dicken’s nonprofit beneficiary, Our Center. 9 p.m. Dickens Opera House, 300 Main St., Longmont, 303-834-9384. $100. New Year’s Eve ParTay — Oskar Blues wants to celebrate the fact we’ve survived 2016 with not a party but a par-tay. Enjoy a tap takeover with Periodic Brewing and life music from Halden Wofford & the Hi*Beams. Scarf down some prime rib and wash it down with a complimentary glass of champagne. 9 p.m. Oskar Blues Grill & Brew, 303 Main St., Lyons, 303-823-6685. New Year’s Eve Party — WOW! Children’s Museum’s annual New Year’s Eve party is back with two parties again this year. Ring in 2016 a few hours early with noise maker crafts, face painting, family photo station, music from Kristen McLean and countdown to the New Year. 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. WOW! Children’s Museum, 110 N. Harrison Ave., Lafayette, 303-604-2424. $5-10, infants get in free.

See NYE CALENDAR Page 32

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Boulder Weekly

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NYE CALENDAR from Page 31

New Year’s Eve Fireworks — Ring in the New Year with fireworks that light up the 16th Street Mall. 9 p.m. and midnight, 16th Street Mall, Denver. Free.

New Year’s Eve Featuring Mass Hipsteria — Two shows, two seatings. First show includes three-course dinner and show from 6:30-9:30 p.m. Second show rings in the New Year. Denver’s Mass Hipsteria draws inspiration from the legacy of horn bands that came before it. They will make sure you’re up and boogying the whole night long. 6:30 and 10 p.m. Nissi’s, 2675 Northpark Drive, Lafayette, 303-665-2757. $35-70.

Noon Year’s Eve — Ring in 2017 in classic Noon Year’s Eve style with ball drops and coutdowns every hour. Plus there will be rainbow confetti, bubble wrap fireworks, art projects, music, performances and stories. 9 a.m. Children Museum of Denver, 2121 Children’s Museum Drive, Denver, 303-433-7444.

Noon Year’s Eve Party — Kids can’t stay up until midnight? Come join us for a Noon Year’s Eve party to remember. Family fun for all ages, featuring the magic of Erica Sodos and balloon creations from Bongo, plus a sparkling cider toast and a balloon drop at noon. 10:30 a.m. The Family Garden, 600 S. Airport Road, Suite B, Longmont, 303-678-1144. $5 per family pre registration and $10 at the door.

The Yawpers. 8:30 p.m. The Oriental Theater, 4335 W. 44th Ave., Denver, 720-420-0030. $10-30.

White Rose Gala — A 1920s-themed celebration where attendees can enjoy swing, big band and more across multiple levels and balconies. Listen to the tunes from several DJs, and Je Te’aime Swing Band will perform live, plus a variety of other musical genres to have you dancing all night long. 9 p.m. Ellie Caulkins Opera House, Denver Performing Arts Complex, 1101 13th St., Denver, 303893-4100. $79-299.

New Year’s Eve Party Drink Drank PUNK. 10 p.m. Pioneer Inn, 15 E. First St. Nederland, 303-2587733. New Year’s Eve with Jaden Carlson Band with DIGG Band. 8 p.m. Stage Stop, 60 Main St., Rollinsville, 303-258-0649.

Zoo Year’s Eve — A celebration for the entire family. Enjoy the annual Zoo Lights installation and a countdown to the New Year at 9 p.m., so your kiddos can get in the spirit but also get to bed early. 5:30 p.m. Denver Zoo, 2300 Steele St., Denver, 303-337-1400. Included with Zoo Lights admission.

BROOMFIELD/WESTMINSTER/ARVADA: Live Music. 9 p.m. Hoffbrau, 9110 Wadsworth Parkway, Westminister, 303-422-7755. Discovery Beer: New Beginings Biere de Champagne — With music from Jim Jamm Jimmy, food trucks and a special beer tapping. 8 p.m. Odyssey Beerwerks, 5535 W. 56th Ave., Suite 107, Arvada, 303-421-0772.

DENVER: New Year’s Eve with Monty Franklin — Start 2017 off with laughter. 6, 8 and 10 p.m., Comedy Works, 1226 15th St., Denver, 303-5953637. $25-55.

32 December 22, 2016

CALL FOR MORE INFO 303.444.0882

Ring in The New Year Central Style — Central is offering a four-course meal with choices to fit any palate. 4:30 p.m. Central Bistro & Bar, 1691 Central St., Denver, 303-477-4582.

New Year’s Eve Dance Party — Featuring the Gasoline Lollipops with special guests Los Primos Melodicos de Santa Fe. The fun starts with The Sweet Lillies. Tickets include a dinner buffet and beads. 6 p.m. Gold Hill Inn, 401 Main St., Gold Hill, 303-4436461. Admission is $33. Cash bar.

The String Cheese Incident — Born in 1993 in Colorado’s Rocky Mountains, The String Cheese Incident has since released several studio and live recordings from their relentless tour schedule. Their shows are packed full of surreal experiences, epic moments and groundbreaking involvement. 8 p.m. 1stBank Center, 11450 Broomfield Lane, Broomfield, 303-410-0700. $82.50-87.

A HOME AWAY FROM HOME FOR THE OUTDOOR MINDED

Resolution New Year’s Eve — Multiple parties take over two floors of the Curtis Hotel. Open bar and a view of the fireworks on 16th Street Mall. 8 p.m. The Curtis Hotel, 1405 Curtis St., Denver, 303-571-0300. $79-99.

MOUNTAIN TOWNS:

Psycho X and The Grind. 7 p.m. Jake’s Roadhouse, 5980 Lamar St., Arvada, 303-424-7266. Free.

BOULDER’S NEW ADVENTURE LODGE

GOLDEN:

Grizzly Rose New Years Eve — Featuring Nathan Dean and The Dam Band, a free midnight breakfast buffet, balloon drop, a toast of champagne and a chance to win thousands of dollars in cash and prizes. 8 p.m. Grizzly Rose, 5450 N. Valley Highway, Denver, 303-2951330. $20. New Year’s Eve Countdown Party — The new New Year’s Eve tradition downtown includes three parties on three floors. Check out a Great Hall Silent DJ Party, a Gallery Level Speak Easy or head over to the Cooper Lounge. 8 p.m. Union Station Great Hall and Terminal Hall, 1701 Wynkoop St., Denver, 303-592-6712.

Boulder Weekly Boulder Weekly

Austin Young Band and My Blue Sky — Colorado native Austin Lee Young started playing guitar at 12 years old and hasn’t stopped rocking since. He’ll be joined by fellow Colorado players My Blue Sky, which plays a mixture of rock, jazz and blues. Joining them on stage will be award-winning Gunslinger. 9 p.m. Buffalo Rose, 1119 Washington Ave., Golden, 303-278-6800. $15-35.

ROOMS STILL AVAILABLE FOR THE HOLIDAYS MENTION BOULDER WEEKLY AND GET 15% OFF!! All rooms include Free WiFi Support Local

New Year’s Eve — To ring in a delicious new year, Bridgewater Grill is offering a three-course dinner or dinner and wine paring. 6 p.m. Bridgewater Grill, 800 11th St., Golden, 303-279-2010. $63-72. New Year’s Eve Party — Head to In the Zone for live music from Checkered Past. 9 p.m. In the Zone, 15600 W. 44th Ave., Golden, 303-279-3888.

91 FOURMILE CANYON DRIVE BOULDER, CO 80302 303.444.0882

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December 22, 2016 33

MAKE YOUR HOLIDAY RESERVATIONS TODAY

NYE CALENDAR from Page 31

New Year’s Eve Fireworks — Ring in the New Year with fireworks that light up the 16th Street Mall. 9 p.m. and midnight, 16th Street Mall, Denver. Free.

The Yawpers. 8:30 p.m. The Oriental Theater, 4335 W. 44th Ave., Denver, 720-420-0030. $10-30.

DENVER: New Year’s Eve with Monty Franklin — Start 2017 off with laughter. 6, 8 and 10 p.m., Comedy Works, 1226 15th St., Denver, 303-5953637. $25-55.

32 December 22, 2016

CALL FOR MORE INFO 303.444.0882

Ring in The New Year Central Style — Central is offering a four-course meal with choices to fit any palate. 4:30 p.m. Central Bistro & Bar, 1691 Central St., Denver, 303-477-4582.

A HOME AWAY FROM HOME FOR THE OUTDOOR MINDED

MOUNTAIN TOWNS:

Psycho X and The Grind. 7 p.m. Jake’s Roadhouse, 5980 Lamar St., Arvada, 303-424-7266. Free.

BOULDER’S NEW ADVENTURE LODGE

GOLDEN:

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ROOMS STILL AVAILABLE FOR THE HOLIDAYS MENTION BOULDER WEEKLY AND GET 15% OFF!! All rooms include Free WiFi Support Local

91 FOURMILE CANYON DRIVE BOULDER, CO 80302 303.444.0882

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December 22, 2016 33

events EVENTS from Page 29

arts

Thursday, December 22 Music 80s Dance Party. 8 p.m. Bohemian Biergarten, 2017 13th St., Boulder, 720-328-8328. Back to Back Karaoke. 9 p.m. The Speakeasy, 301 Main St., Longmont, 720-684-4728.

Bodacioussss. Museum of Contemporary Art, 1485 Delgany St., Denver, 303-298-7554. Through Jan. 29.

Bluegrass Jam. 7 p.m. Front Range Brewing, 400 W. South Boulder Road, Suite 1650, Lafayette, 303-339-0767.

Colorado Lowriders. Longmont Museum, 400 Quail Road, Longmont, 303-651-8374. Through May 31. Glory of Venice. Denver Art Museum, 100 W. 14th Ave. Parkway, Denver, 720-865-5000. Through Feb. 12.

Brassaholics. 6 p.m. Very Nice Brewing Company, 20 Lakeview Drive, Unit 112, Nederland, 303-258-3770. Bruce Taylor Band. 7:30 p.m. Nissi’s, 2675 Northpark Drive, Lafayette, 303-665-2757.

HOVAB: Evolving Visions of Land and Landscape. Boulder Museum of Contemporary Art, 1750 13th St., 303-443-2122. Through Jan. 5.

Courtesy of The Dairy

Joan Jordan. Community Art Program Gallery, NCAR, 1850 Table Mesa Drive, Boulder, 303-497-1174. Through Jan. 31.

Chris Sheldon and Friends. 8 p.m. Jamestown Mercantile Cafe, 108 Main St., Jamestown, 303-442-5847.

Ladies and Gentlemen Meet the Dramastics — Nathan Carter. Museum of Contemporary Art, 1485 Delgany St., Denver, 303-298-7554. Through Jan. 29.

Danny Shafer. 7 p.m. Por Wine House, 836 1/2 Main St., Louisville, 970-259-3555.

Of Earth: Boulder Potters’ Guild. The Dairy Arts Center, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-440-7826. Through Jan. 8.

Grupo Chegando La and Francisco Marques. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628.

Olga Karpeisky. Community Art Program Gallery, NCAR, 1850 Table Mesa Drive, Boulder, 303-497-1174. Through Jan. 31.

Jam Night. 10 p.m. Pioneer Inn, 15 E. First St., Nederland, 303-258-7733. Kevin Dooley. 6 p.m. Oskar Blues Home Made Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400.

On Desert Time. Denver Art Museum, 100 W. 14th Ave. Parkway, Denver, 720-865-5000. Through Jan. 8.

Check out the latest in local art in The Dairy’s new exhibit Of Earth: The Boulder Potter’s Guild. Now showing through Jan. 1.

Kort McCumber. 6:30 p.m. St Julien Hotel & Spa, 900 Walnut St., Boulder, 720-406-9696. Last Minute Blues Band. 6 p.m. Wibby Brewing, 209 Emery St., Longmont, 303-776-4594. Open Mic. 6:30 p.m. Dickens Opera House, 300 Main St., Longmont, 720-297-6397. Events Arts Longmont Gallery: Kathy Hall. 5 p.m. Arts Longmont Gallery, 356 Main St., Longmont, 303-678-7869. Santa Storytime and Pancake Breakfast. 9 a.m. Longmont Museum, 400 Quail Road, Longmont, 303-651-8374. Friday, December 23 Music Andrew Friedrich. 6:30 p.m. Still Cellars, 1115 Colorado Ave., Longmont, 720-204-6064. Big Paddy. 10 a.m. Bohemian Biergarten, 2017 13th St., Boulder, 720-328-8328. Brian Rezac. 5 p.m. Pearl Street Pub, 1108 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-777-6768. Celia Gary. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628. Community Holiday Party: Potluck & SingAlong. 7 p.m. SKEYE Brewing, 900 S. Hover St., Unit D, Longmont, 303-774-7698. Danny Shafer. 8:30 p.m. The Roost, 526 Main St., Longmont, 303-827-3380. The Darling Ravens. 7 p.m. SKEYE Brewing, 900 S. Hover St., Unit D, Longmont, 303-774-7698. Boulder Weekly

Pioneers: Women Artists in Boulder, 1898-1950. CU Art Museum, 1085 18th St., Boulder, 303-492-8300. Through Feb. 4. Uncommon Clay. The Arts Longmont Gallery, 356 Main St., Longmont, 303-678-7869. Through Dec. 23.

Shockwave. Denver Art Museum, 100 W. 14th Ave. Parkway, Denver, 720-865-5000. Through May 28. Star Wars and the Power of Costume. Denver Art Museum, 100 W. 14th Ave. Parkway, Denver, 720-865-5000. Through April 2. States of Men — George Strasburger. The Dairy Arts Center, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-440-7826. Through Jan. 15. Words are Leaves — Kim Dickey. Museum of Contemporary Art, 1485 Delgany St., Denver, 303-298-7554. Through Jan. 29.

David Booker. 7:30 p.m. Oskar Blues CyclHOPS, 600 S. Airport Road, Longmont, 303-776-BIKE.

214-770-9847.

DJ Done. 9 p.m. Breaker’s Grill, 380 Main St., Longmont, 303-772-3839.

Lionel Young Duo. 5 p.m. Oskar Blues Tasty Weasel Tap Room, 1800 Pike Road, Unit B, Longmont, 303-776-1914.

DJ Goodie. 10 p.m. Conor O’Neill’s, 1922 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-1922.

The Long Run. 8 p.m. Dickens Opera House, 300 Main St., Longmont, 720-297-6397.

Feral Heart. 10 p.m. Pioneer Inn, 15 E. First St., Nederland, 303-258-7733.

The Long Run. 8:15 p.m. Wibby Brewing, 209 Emery St., Longmont, 303-776-4594.

Flash Mountain Flood. 9 p.m. Stage Stop, 60 Main St., Rollinsville, 303-258-0649.

Mountain Meadow String Band. 6:30 p.m. St Julien Hotel & Spa, 900 Walnut St., Boulder, 720-406-9696.

Follow The Fox. 6 p.m. Rayback Collective, 2775 Valmont Road, Boulder, 720-885-1234. Friday Night Fusion Dance Party. 9 p.m. The Speakeasy, 301 Main St., Longmont, 720-684-4728. Jim Bradford Acoustic Band. 6 p.m. Jamestown Mercantile Cafe, 108 Main St., Jamestown, 303-442-5847. John Bunzli. 6 p.m. Upslope Brewing Company (Lee Hill), 1501 Lee Hill Road, Suite 20, Boulder, 508-873-9185. Kort & Beth McCumber. 7 p.m. Grossen Bart Brewery, 1025 Delaware Ave., Longmont,

One Flew West. 8:30 p.m. Oskar Blues Home Made Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400. The Organization. 7 p.m. Caffe Sole, 637R S. Broadway St., Boulder, 303-499-2985. Phat Daddy. 7:30 p.m. Nissi’s, 2675 Northpark Drive, Lafayette, 303-665-2757. The Red Petal. 8:30 p.m. Oskar Blues Brewery, 303 Main St., Lyons, 303-823-6685. Soul Tyme. 10 p.m. Conor O’Neill’s, 1922 13th see EVENTS Page 36

December 22, 2016 35

events

EVENTS from Page 35

St., Boulder, 303-449-1922. Uptown Toodeloo. 10 p.m. The Lazy Dog, 1346 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-3355. Events Friday Night Dinner Chanukah Celebration. 6 p.m. Boulder County Center for Judaism, 4900 Sioux Drive, Boulder, 303-494-1638.

words Monday, Dec. 26

Saturday, December 24

“So, You’re a Poet” presents the Day After Christmas open poetry reading. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628.

Music

Tuesday, Dec. 27

Charlie Brown goes to the Nutcracker. 6:30 p.m. St Julien Hotel & Spa, 900 Walnut St., Boulder, 720-406-9696.

Innisfree Weekly Open Poetry Reading. 7 p.m. Innisfree Poetry Bookstore & Cafe, 1301 Pennsylvania Ave., Boulder, 303-495-3303.

After Santa breaks into your house, stop by The Laughing Goat for their Day After Christmas poetry reading.

Dan Lance. 8:30 p.m. The Roost, 526 Main St., Longmont, 303-827-3380. DJ Dance Party. 9 p.m. Breaker’s Grill, 380 Main St., Longmont, 303-772-3839. George Nelson Trio. 11 a.m. Oskar Blues Home Made Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400. Happy Hour Live Jazz. 5:30 p.m. Tandoori Grill South, 619 S. Broadway, Boulder, 303-543-7339. Events Date Night. 6 p.m. Crackpots Pottery Studio, 505 Main St., Longmont, 303-776-2211. Saturday Morning Groove. 10:30 a.m. Free Motion Dance Studio, 2126 Pearl St., Boulder, 720-379-8299. Sunday, December 25 Music Acoustic Jam. 3 p.m. Conor O’Neill’s, 1922 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-1922. Bluegrass Pick. 12 p.m. Oskar Blues Home Made Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400. Open Jam. 10 p.m. The Lazy Dog, 1346 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-3355. Events Hawaiian Hula Classes. 5 p.m. The Dairy Arts Center, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-447-9772. Monday, December 26 Music Bluegrass Jam. 7:30 p.m. 12Degree Brewing, 820 Main St., Louisville, 720-638-1623.

Open Mic. 7 p.m. Front Range Brewing, 400 W. South Boulder Road, Suite 1650, Lafayette, 303-339-0767. Open Mic Hosted By Brian Rezac. 8 p.m. The Speakeasy, 301 Main St., Longmont, 720-684-4728. Open Mic Hosted by Danny Shafer. 8 p.m. Conor O’Neill’s, 1922 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-1922. Open Mic with The Prairie Scholars. 6 p.m. SKEYE Brewing, 900 S. Hover St., Unit D, Longmont, 303-774-7698. Open Mic with Black Dog. 9 p.m. Pioneer Inn, 15 E. First St., Nederland, 303-258-7733. SPiNRaD. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628.

Events Annual Menorah Lighting. 5:30 p.m. 1300 Block of Pearl Street, 1301 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-449-3774. Movement Mondays. 7 p.m. Free Motion Dance Studio, 2126 Pearl St., Boulder, 720-379-8299. Tuesday, December 27 Music Adam Bodine Trio. 6:30 p.m. St Julien Hotel & Spa, 900 Walnut St., Boulder, 720-406-9696. Bluegrass Jam. 8 p.m. Oskar Blues Brewery, 1800 Pikes Road, Unit B, Longmont, 303-823-6685. Brian Parton. 6 p.m. Upslope Brewing Company (Flatiron Park), 1898 S. Flatiron Court, Boulder, 508-873-9185.

Eef & The Blues Express. 7:30 p.m. Nissi’s, 2675 Northpark Drive, Lafayette, 303-665-2757. Eric Ames. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628. Mezzo Mestizo. 6:30 p.m. St Julien Hotel & Spa, 900 Walnut St., Boulder, 720-406-9696. New Years Eve bash with Ray Wagner. 4 p.m. Flatirons Terrace, 930 28th St., Boulder, 303-939-0898. Open Bluegrass Pick. 7 p.m. Longs Peak Pub & Taphopuse, 600 Longs Peak Ave., Longmont, 303-651-7886.

Events

Open Bluegrass Pick hosted by Kyle Ussery. 8:30 p.m. Conor O’Neill’s, 1922 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-1922.

All-ages Hike using Pokemon GO app. 6:15 p.m. Boulder, Pearl St., Boulder, 303-449-3774.

Open Mic. 6:30 p.m. Cannon Mine Coffee, 210 S. Public Road, Lafayette, 303-665-0625.

Ted Ringer’s Writer’s Workshop. 6 p.m. Barbed Wire Books, 504 Main St., Longmont, 303-827-3620.

Open Stage. 7:30 p.m. Oskar Blues Home Made Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400.

The Worst Christmas Pageant in Town. 3 p.m. Jesters Dinner Theatre & Performing Arts, 224 Main St., Longmont, 303-682-9980.

Steve Itterly. 9 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628.

Wednesday, December 28 Music Ben Hammond. 6:30 p.m. Rayback Collective, 2775 Valmont Road, Boulder, 720-885-1234.

Potluck Bluegrass. 7 p.m. La Vita Bella Coffeehouse, 475 Main St., Longmont, 720-204-6298. Western Skyline. 9:30 p.m. Southern Sun Pub & Brewery, 627 S. Broadway, Boulder, 303-543-0886.

Blues Night. 10 p.m. Pioneer Inn, 15 E. First St., Nederland, 303-258-7733.

Events Winter Break Droid Drawing Class. 10:30 p.m. The Brew Creperie & Coffee Shop, 314 Main St., Longmont, 303-834-9994.

Courtesy of DCPA/Carol Rosegg

theater A Christmas Carol. Denver Performing Arts Complex, 1345 Champa St., Denver, 720-8654239. Through Dec. 24. A Christmas Carol. Miner’s Alley Theatre, 1224 Washington Ave., Golden, 303-935-3044. Through Dec. 23. An Act of God. Denver Performing Arts Complex, 1345 Champa St., Denver, 720-865-4239. Through March 12.

Peter Pan’s creator J. M. Barrie takes center stage in Finding Neverland, showing at DCPA through Jan 1. Read BW’s review on page 26.

Every Christmas Story Ever Told — presented by Boulder Ensemble Theatre Company. The Dairy Arts Center, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-440-7826. Through Dec. 24. Finding Neverland. Denver Performing Arts Complex, 1345 Champa St., Denver, 720-865-

4239. Through Jan. 1. The SantaLand Diaries. Denver Performing Arts Complex, 1345 Champa St., Denver, 720865-4239. Through Dec. 24. Thoroughly Modern Millie. BDT Stage, 5501 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder, 303-449-6000. Through Feb. 25.

Open Mic. 6 p.m. Twisted Pine Brewery, 3201 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-786-9270. 36 December 22, 2016

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December 22, 2016 37

A Visit from St. Vladimir By Joel Dyer

(Special thanks to Clement Clarke Moore) ‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house staggered aging underwear models, and a giant orange louse; The fishnet stockings were hung with care, In hopes that St. Vladimir soon would be there; The children were nestled all snug in their beds; While visions of profit danced in their heads; A mamma in her ’kerchief, danced in Trump’s lap, A reminder to our brains of the coming years of crap, When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, Donald sprang from his bed to see whom his guards batter. On the way to the window his thinking so rash, He tore open the shutters to look down on us trash. The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow, Lit up the whole scene like a nuclear glow, When what to his squinting eyes did appear, But a million Americans with eyes full of fear, They chanted and sang so lively and quick, They dreamed of the day they’d throw out the orange prick. But more rapid than eagles his appointees they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name: “Now, Pruit! Now, Zinke! Rick Perry and Carson! On, Mattis ! On, Puzder! On, Tillerson and Exxon! To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! The higher they climb, the further they’ll fall, As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, they know how to lie; So into the war room the coursers they flew All of the white guys, and the orange guy too —

38 December 22, 2016

And then, in a twinkling, they whispered the truth That the whole darned election had been Vladimir’s spoof. As Trump smiled at the mirror, he heard a loud sound, Down the chimney came Vladi in a spectacular bound. He was only half dressed, from his head to his foot, Flaunting old pecs now tarnished with soot; The bundle of money he had flung on his back, Made him look like a mobster as he opened his pack. His eyes — how they twinkled! his dimples, how merry! The wreath on his head made him look ever so scary! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, As he told the orange one, “This is my show;” Trump wanted to know why he was beneath, A shirtless Russian whose head wore a wreath; Then Vladi explained Trump’s little round belly That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly. Made him chubby and plump, like a jolly orange elf, Not worthy of ruling like his impressive pecked self; With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head, Vladi said, “Do what I say or find yourself dead;” Trump spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, Grabbing women and tweeting, oh my what a jerk, Then laying his finger aside of his nose, Vladi nodded as up the chimney he rose; On the roof he directed Trump’s team with a whistle, Start drilling and fracking if you must use your pistol. Then I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight — “Happy Christmas to all, and to Planet Earth good night!”

Boulder Weekly

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Sight

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by Faith Shearin Go north a dozen years on a road overgrown with vines to find the days after you were born. Flowers remembered their colors and trees were frothy and the hospital was behind us now, its brick indifference forgotten by our car mirrors. You were revealed to me: tiny, delicate, your head smelling of some other world. Turn right after the circular room where I kept my books and right again past the crib where you did not sleep and you will find the window where I held you that June morning when you opened your eyes. They were blue, tentative, not the deep chocolate they would later become. You were gazing into the world: at our walls, my red cup, my sleepless hair and though I’m told you could not focus, and you no longer remember, we were seeing one another after seasons of darkness. American Life in Poetry: Column 610: I suppose there have been other poems about a baby’s first look at and into the world, but they couldn’t be more touching than this, by Faith Shearin, who lives in West Virginia, and whose most recent book is Orpheus, Turning, from The Broadkill River Press. — Ted Kooser, U.S. Poet Laureate We do not accept unsolicited submissions. American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. Poem copyright ©2015 by Faith Shearin, “Sight,” from Orpheus, Turning, (The Broadkill River Press, 2015). Poem reprinted by permission of Faith Shearin and the publisher. Introduction copyright © 2016 by The Poetry Foundation. The introduction’s author, Ted Kooser, served as United States Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress from 2004-2006.

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December 22, 2016 39

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‘Rogue One: A Star Wars Story’ has characters without character  by Ryan Syrek

spent most of the beginning of Rogue One: A Star Wars Story trying to decide if Forest Whitaker’s character was named Saul, Sol, Saw or Salt. Just FYI: It’s not Salt. It took me longer to rule that one out than I’d like to admit. My obsession with this wildly unimportant matter mirrors the problems inherent in the film’s first two acts. Namely, writers Chris Weitz, Tony Gilroy, John Knoll and Gary Whitta unwisely spend the currency of early running time on irrelevant, plot-based nuisances. Instead, they should have been inducing our affections toward the ragtag, wartime, space misfits who we never really get to know well. If they had, the squeel-evoking, shoot-em-up goodness of the final third would have been adorned with a glorious gravitas and meaty melancholy: It would have been a deep-dish pizza of fried awesome. Instead, we merely get a hot, greasy slice of “pretty good.” Whitaker plays Saw Gerrera — you’re welcome for either preventing confusion when you see it or solving the pronunciation mystery in what you just “saw.” Saw is an extremist insurgent striking at the Empire, prior to the events of Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope. An imperial pilot, Bodhi Rook (Riz Ahmed), defects and brings Saw a hologram of Galen Erso (Mads Mikkelsen), whose “good guy” buzz is mad harshed by having to create the Death Star. In order to get info, Galen’s daughter, Jyn (Felicity Jones), is sprung from prison by the Rebel Alliance to meet with Saw, who helped her escape the clutches of the Empire when she was just a kid. Jyn, Cassian Andor (Diego Luna), whose choice of leather jacket A ragtag group of soldiers steals the Death Star plans and runs afoul of Darth Vader. That’s never a good time. is Star Wars shorthand for “affable roguish fella” and his wry, possibly murderous droid, K-2SO (Alan Tudyk), team up with a blind Jedi-esque dude, Chirrut Îmwe (Donnie Yen), and his maybe-more-than-friends amigo, Baze Malbus (Wen Jiang). Along with a small group of nameless Rebel soldiers, the underdogs attempt to steal the Death Star’s construction plans. They’re like a platoon of heroes willing to take on a mission of certain death. They’re like rejected soldiers who are okay with martyrdom. They’re like some kind of... Unlike Suicide Squad, rabid executive interference in the production of Rogue One, including a rumored second director, didn’t render things nigh-incomprehensible or subject us to more Jai Courtney. Overall, the parts that read like studio notes actually work better than the stuff that obviously bears director Gareth Edwards’ Godzilla-sized fingerprints. The good news: Darth Vader once more is an unholy bad-ass, the ground-andsky final battle is a franchise best and composer Michael Giancchino will help us get through the inevitable loss of John Williams. What’s not so good? Despite the setting, Jyn doesn’t get enough space to shine, Cassian plays like an emo Han Solo and all other “rogues” are one-note caricatures. This doesn’t mean it isn’t fun, complete with a stick-the-landing gymnastic finish that will get 10s from even the Russian judges, if they’re not busy hacking elections. It’s filled with Easter eggs, but not fan fiction. It’s also fun, but not iconic. And it’s universe-expanding, but not defining. Rogue One is a worthy spin-off, even if it still has to sit at the kids’ table during franchise holidays. This review previously appeared in The Reader of Omaha, Nebraska.

Boulder Weekly

film The gospel according to woman ‘The Brand New Testament’ takes a shot at the divine

Gifts for Musicians* *

HB *Woodsongs * * St, Bldr 3101 28th hbwoodsongs.com 303.449.0516

by Michael J. Casey

here is an old saying that you should never meet your heroes, they may ON THE BILL: disappoint you. The new Belgian The Brand New Testament. Dec. 22-24, The Boedecker comedy from writer/director Jaco Theater, 2590 Walnut St., Van Dormael, The Brand New Boulder, 303-440-7825 theTestament, takes that one step further. Maybe dairy.org. you shouldn’t meet God. You may find out that He is just a grump in a dingy bathrobe making life difficult for just about everyone. Turns out that God (Benoît Poelvoorde), a sloven and abusive hermit, lives somewhere in Brussels with his long-suffering wife (Yolande Moreau) and 10-yearold daughter, Ea (Pili Groyne). There was once a son — but you know how that story goes — and God was none too pleased by it. He doesn’t seem pleased by anything these days, deriving sick pleasure from tormenting humans with ridiculous laws about how toast always falls jam-side down and how the line you are waiting in will always move slower than the one next to you. We always expected such laws existed, but who knew that they were written in stone? Ea decides to throw a monkey wrench into her Father’s plans, sneaks into His office and sends out a mass text to everyone on Earth containing their death date. Little countdown clocks suddenly pop up on everyone’s phones; some have 62 years left, others have five months. A few only have seconds. The world treats this odd God’s daughter decides to take the world’s matters into her own hands in The Brand New new information with skepticism, but Testament. after enough proof that these countdowns are accurate, the world stops functioning as it should. Why go to work, obey the rules and behave if you only have a few days left? Thanks to an idea from her brother, JC, Ea decides to sneak into the world, assemble six additional apostles — bringing the grand total up to 18, the number of the goddess — and write a new testament in hopes of restarting the world. Much like her brother, Ea doesn’t have much difficulty collecting believers — she can walk on water and turn one ham sandwich into two ham sandwiches after all — but it is who she recruits that continues The Brand New Testament’s sense of humor: a one-armed lonely woman; a birder who refuses to work; a sex addict with a lifelong fixation; a man obsessed with killing but has never pulled the trigger; a woman in an unhappy marriage who has a passionate affair with a circus gorilla; and a young boy who decides to live out his remaining days as a girl. All of this might read as if The Brand New Testament is some sort of sick blasphemy. It’s not. Though the movie is absolutely bonkers and ridiculously silly, it has heart and just enough insight into the human condition to resonate — particularly in a society where foolish men hurtle down harmful vindications for no reason beyond their own pettiness. The Brand New Testament isn’t simply a reworking of the Christ story with a young girl at the center — that would just yield similar results. Instead, Ea is a new attempt to set the world right again, to hit the restart button and come back with someone new at the helm. Boulder Weekly

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deep dish B Y

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hanks to Frontier Airlines for the last minute canceling of regular Deep Dish writer Caitlin Rockett’s flight home, readers of this ordinarily informative column are stuck with me this week. But don’t worry. I went some place so good and simple to write about that even an untrained troglodyte like myself — a man who can reach nirvana by putting darn near anything between two slices of bread — can’t mess it up.

thing: freezing weather... big, pipinghot bowl of Ma Ma’s chicken soup noodle. Yep, you read that right “soup noodle.” Zoe Ma Ma has seven tables crammed about 6 feet in front of the counter where you order at one end and pick up at the other. There’s a small bench that can hold three people to the left of the door as you enter

COLD DAY, HOT SOUP Zoe Ma Ma’s got you covered

It was just before 1 p.m. on a Monday, and I was parked by eTown’s 16th and Spruce Street location. It was cold and snowy so, of course, I decided to walk to lunch at the far west end of Pearl Street. The wind was flying in from the west with a bonechilling quality that made my teeth hurt. But it was all about to be worth it as I finally turned the corner to arrive at Zoe Ma Ma. This place has been a Boulder staple for Chinese street fare since 2010. That’s the year Edwin Zoe got the idea to open his small restaurant serving up authentic dim sum, noodle dishes and rice bowls based on his mother’s recipes. It doesn’t hurt that his mom Anna Zoe also does a fair amount of the cooking. Zoe Ma Ma is also a perennial lock for BW’s Best of Boulder award in the Chinese food category. What all this means is that from the point of view of a food writer, this place is low hanging fruit. But I’m not a food writer. I’m a food eater, so it was my stomach that chose the destination. One step through the door and it was clear that I was in the right place for a hot meal on a cold day. One step in because that was as far as I could go because apparently everyone was thinking the same

and another of similar size in front of the counter. Fill the tables and benches and then add another eight or nine people standing in the small gaps in between these eating and waiting stations and it can create a pretty claustrophobic dining environment. But who cares. You’ve come to eat the best Chinese street food this side of Beijing, so scarfing down a noodle bowl in a crowd just adds to the authenticity. My Ma Ma’s chicken soup noodle sure hit the spot that day. At first, every spoonful required a long blow to cool it down. There was tons of shredded chicken and the white meat was cooked to perfection. The pickled greens added color in the red bowl (think holiday presentation) and flavored the broth as did the ample amount of ginger. Sprouts added earthiness to the taste and along with the rice noodles, volume to the overall dish. It may be soup, but it is one great big filling meal to be sure. Just for fun — and in order to maintain my troglodyte status — I added a couple of pork pot stickers to my order. Good Lord they’re good. Cooked brown and firm

on the bottom with a soft noodley top and filled with juicy pork screaming out for red chili sauce, I could have eaten 10 of them. No really, I could eat 10 no problem. Just as my taste buds were transporting me across the Pacific, I heard the guy at the pickup window call out an order for “Lynn.” The sight of Boulder resident and legendary climber Lynn Hill headed for her own rendezvous with one of Ma Ma’s tasty dishes, snapped me back to reality. It was time to give up my seat to the next lucky member of the horde and head for the car. Why did I park so stinking far away on such a cold day? Who cares. It was so worth it. Zoe Ma Ma 2010 10th St., Boulder, 303-545-6262.

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December 22, 2016 43

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Boulder Weekly

nibbles BY JOHN LEHNDORFF

Second helpings BIALYS, BAKLAVA, BANH MI AND

MY VERY BEST BITES OF 2016

y first taste of Wayne’s smoked pork belly was a revelation, as was a bite of the Mediterranean Market’s spinach pie. Hidden among the 365 (or so) forgettable breakfasts, lunches and dinners in 2016 were some food moments I’d be delighted to enjoy again. They popped up in Nibbles over the past year since its rebirth in Boulder Weekly. If Nibbles seems a little “old” for an infant column, it was originally launched in 1985 in the Daily Camera and continued in other publications. This was supposed to be the Top 10 Best Things I Tasted in 2016 which sounded snappy. But, unfortunately, my list kept growing, much like a one-year-old child. I wish I could go to a pop-up buffet benefit event in Boulder that served: 1. Smoked pork belly: Nothing prepared me for the profoundly smoky lusciousness of Wayne’s Texas-style smoked pork belly which does more than melt in your mouth. The same is true of the other meats which also often run out before the day is done. The barbecue Boulder Weekly

sauce is good, but you won’t need it. Wayne’s Smoke Shack, 406 Center Drive, Superior 2. Egg Salad Sandwich: There is oodles of humdrum-to-awful egg salad out there. The best is made from boiled local organic eggs and spread thickly on a fresh chewy pretzel roll along with fresh greens and see NIBBLES Page 46

December 22, 2016 45

us T! g N in RA t o AU v r T fo ES ks W R n a E Th T N S BE

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house-pickled red onions. Add prosciutto as desired. These pre-made sandwiches are usually sold only on Saturdays and often run out. Cured, 1825 Pearl St., Boulder 3. Baklava: Manal Jarrar’s craveable baklava is packed with ground walnuts in filo layers and is sweet but not capsized in honey. It is excellent with coffee after warm-from-the-oven whole wheat pita bread with creamy cheese in spiced olive oil. Arabesque, 1634 Walnut St., Boulder 4. Tai Nam: Rare steak and well-done flank top a mammoth bowl of hot broth and rice noodles in this well-made pho (phuh) experience. It’s all in the customization with bean sprouts, basil, jalapeno, lime and red chile paste. The end result is joy to my world on a cold day. Pho Cafe, 1085 S. Public Road, Lafayette 5. Spinach pie: I love dipping the filo dough-wrapped spinach hand pie in thick yogurt sauce, a dab of sriracha sauce and zataar, a great dip made with wild thyme and olive oil. The market’s spinach pie is easy to handle because it isn’t butterdrenched. Mediterranean Market & Deli, 2690 28th St., Boulder 6. Breakfast Burrito: Chunks of Top: Well-smoked barbecue at Wayne’s Smoke Shack. Middle: smoked, roasted or grilled meat and sausagA bowl of pho at Lafayette’s Pho es blended with eggs, green chilies and tater Café. Bottom: Denver’s Vinh Xuong Bakery serves bahn mi tots are wrapped into a beautiful handheld sandwiches. bundle of goodness. The Butcher’s Breakfast Burrito is available morningsonly on the meat market side of Hosea Rosenberg’s eatery. Blackbelly Market, 1606 Conestoga St., Boulder 7. Fried Cheese Taco: Also not on my diet is this ridiculously tasty item especially with a brew. Verde’s kitchen griddles a flour tortilla completely blanketed in cheese which variously browns, crisps and melts. On the side: Pretty good guacamole and pico de gallo. Verde, 3070 28th St., Boulder 8. Falafel: Falafel King’s pita and falafel are sold at supermarkets, but the place to really taste them is at the 40-year-old Falafel King location in Boulder. The hot, fried-to-order falafel is still exactly perfect with fresh salad, whole wheat pita and sides of hummus. Falafel King, 1314 Pearl St., Boulder 9. Yakiniku Eggplant Bowl: I can’t get enough of the tender, barely sweet and salty eggplant at Motomaki. I like it on a bowl of rice with grilled thin asparagus, spicy sprouts, crispy onions, tempura crunch and jalapeño dressing. Motomaki, 1600 28th St., Boulder 10. Tubby’s Pinto Bean Pie: I don’t love it because it’s weird to think of beans and sweet pie at the same time, but because it’s a sweet, dense single-crusted pecan and shredded coconut wedge best served warm with ice cream that happens to include fiber- and protein-rich pinto beans. Call ahead for availability. Walnut Café, three locations around Boulder County 11. Scallion Pancakes: While Chinese broccoli is better for your wellness, Boulder Weekly

nibbles Kim Long

Kim Long

Happy Hour 3PM-6PM EVERYDAY BEST BBQ

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order this chalkboard special whenever available. The very definition of appetizing is a chewy fried peanut Left: Falafel at Falafel or scallion pancake dipped in a mix of sriracha and King in Boulder. Right: A plate of koshari at hoisin sauces. Jin Chan Zhang, 2835 28th St., Boulder the Sudan Café in 12. This list is getting long but my local Nibbles Aurora. favorites of the year also include La Cubana Torta (Sancho’s Authentic Mexican Restaurant, Boulder), Bialys (Moxie Bread Co., Louisville), Lemon Meringue Pie (Loaf & Ladle, Longmont), Coffee Ice Cream (Glacier Ice Cream, Boulder), Pumpkin Curry (Busaba, Louisville), Burnt Ends (Lulu’s BBQ, Louisville), Goulash and Perogies (Bohemian Biergarten, Boulder), Saag Paneer and Dosas (Tiffins India Café, Boulder) and Ramen with egg, pork, corn, spinach in shoyu broth (Udon Kaisha, Lafayette). 13. My 2016 favorites from elsewhere in Colorado include: Chinese Broccoli (Super Star Asian Cuisine, Denver), Koshari (Sudan Café, Aurora), Banh Mi (Vinh Xuong Bakery, Denver), Arancini (Sauce on the Blue, Silverthorne), Paella (Barra Pintxo, Avon), Beef Chow John Lehndorff Fun Dry-style (New Canton BBQ, Aurora), and Chuckles (Assorted Goods, Louisville).

Trendy Taste of the Week:

According to various food trend prognosticators, cauliflower will be “the new kale” in 2017. Nielsen Perishables notes a “Cauliflower Renaissance” and credits the rise to pre-cut and crumbled or “riced” cauliflower. I’ve always loved cauliflower au gratin but last week I decided to do something new. That is sometimes a dangerous thing in my kitchen. Roast a whole head I trimmed the bottom off the head and set it in a of cauliflower and deep-dish glass pie pan surrounded by grape tomaserve as a meatless main dish or vegtoes, onions, carrot chips and whole garlic cloves etable side. plus green herbs and pepper. I drenched the cauliflower in olive oil and soy sauce and stuck it in a 300-degree oven for an hour, basting occasionally and scorching my hand, and adding a little broth as needed so there would be some sauce at the end. Then I turned it up to 375 and left it in until the surface was browned, really the longer the better taste-wise. The cauliflower roast had a sweet taste and toothsome texture and looked great cut in wedges. Plus, it’s trendy.

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Words to Chew On

“Mince-pies, plum-puddings, barrels of oysters, re-hot chestnuts, cherrycheeked apples, juicy oranges, luscious pears, immense twelfth-cakes, and seething bowls of punch that made the chamber dim with their delicious steam.” — A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens John Lehndorff is a contributing writer for Produce Business magazine and host of Radio Nibbles at 8:25 a.m. Thursdays on KGNU (88.5 FM, 1390 FM, streaming at kgnu.org). Quibbles: nibbles@boulderweekly.com. Boulder Weekly

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ON TAP: Oskar Blues Tasty Weasel Tap Room. 1800 Pike Road, Longmont, 303-776-1914, oskarblues.com.

Brewery, but glass bottles aren’t one of them. Here, cans are king and have been for over a decade. Dale Katechis opened Oskar Blues Brewpub — named after two friends, Oskar and Old Blue, whom he met on a bike tour — in 1997 in Lyons, and within two years he was brewing beer out of the basement, which amounted to 340 barrels. As of 2015, Oskar Blues is up to 192,000 barrels in production and has state-of-the-art breweries in Longmont; Brevard, North Carolina; and Austin, Texas. Business, as they say, is booming. But you know all this already. Oskar Blues is a staple in the Colorado craft beer scene and you’ve probably put down enough Dale’s Pale Ale in your day to keep OB’s lights on for a year. You might have even dined at their home base in Lyons, at Home Made Liquids and Solids, CYCLEHOPS Bike CANtina or CHUBburger — all three in Susan France Longmont with a Denver Chub on the way — but have you visited their Longmont brewing facility and tap room, Tasty Weasel? You can hardly call yourself an OB fan if you haven’t. That’s because Tasty Weasel is much more than a taproom; it’s a chance to see how the sausage is made. The facility is massive, and offers guided tours on a daily basis. Weekend tours, especially in the winThomas Appel (left) and Jeremy Farmer (right) get down to work at the Weasel Tasting room in Longmont. ter, allow patrons a quieter look at how OB turns grains and fresh Colorado water into ales and lagers. But if you want the racket and hubbub of production, weekday tours are loud and active and the whole process from sack to can is laid out in a matter of minutes. And now that you know how it all goes down, you’ll appreciate what comes out of the tap even more. If you’re looking for the standards — Dale’s Pale Ale (6.5% ABV), Mama’s Little Yella Pils (5.3%), Pinner IPA (4.9%) — then they’ll be the freshest you can find. But OB’s tap list climbs well into the double digits, and here is where you need to experiment with Jenny’s Scream Ale (5.1%), a light and smooth nitro cream ale, and Priscilla White Wit Wheat (5.2%), light with a lovely bready bite. Death By Coconut (6.5%) is a magnificent Irish porter with plenty of chewy coconut, but Tasty Weasel also features the brew aged in a rum barrel, which pumps up the octane to 11.5% and smooths out the sweetness with the flavor of cocoa and roasted cane sugar. If Death By Coconut is like drinking a Samoa cookie, then the rum barrel-aged version is like biting into a slice of coconut cream pie, caramelized sugars and all. Death By Coconut isn’t the only rum barrel-aged brew on tap, and thankfully you won’t have to stay here all day to work your way through them. Anything they have on tap is capable of going home in one of their “Crowlers,” a 32 oz. can that they seal for you on the premises. Going to a dinner party? Forget that bottle of wine and take a Crowler of Death by Coconut instead. Your friends will love you. Boulder Weekly

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ARIES

MARCH 21-APRIL 19: NPR’s Scott Simon interviewed

jazz pianist and songwriter Robert Glasper, who has created nine albums, won a Grammy and collaborated with a range of great musicians. Simon asked him if he had any frustrations — “grand ambitions” that people discouraged him from pursuing. Glasper said yes. He’d really like to compose and sing hip-hop rhymes. But his bandmates just won’t go along with him when he tries that stuff. I hope that Glasper, who’s an Aries, will read this horoscope and take heart from what I’m about to predict: In 2017, you may finally get a “Yes!” from people who have previously said “No!” to your grand ambitions.

TAURUS

APRIL 20-MAY 20: Humans have drunk hot tea for over

two millennia. Chinese emperors were enjoying it as far back as the second century B.C. And yet it wasn’t until the 20th century that anyone dreamed up the idea of enclosing tea leaves in convenient one-serving bags to be efficiently brewed. I foresee you either generating or stumbling upon comparable breakthroughs in 2017, Taurus. Long-running traditions or customs will undergo simple but dramatic transformations that streamline your life.

GEMINI

MAY 21-JUNE 20: “What you do is what counts and

not what you had the intention of doing,” said Pablo Picasso. If I had to choose a single piece of advice to serve as your steady flame in 2017, it might be that quote. If you agree, I invite you to conduct this experiment: On the first day of each month, take a piece of paper and write down three key promises you’re making to yourself. Add a brief analysis of how well you have lived up to those promises in the previous four weeks. Then describe in strong language how you plan to better fulfill those promises in the coming four weeks.

CANCER

JUNE 21-JULY 22: During the campaign for U.S.

President in 1896, Democratic candidate William Jennings Bryan traveled 18,000 miles as he made speeches all over the country. But the Republican candidate,

astrology

William McKinley, never LIBRA left his hometown of SEPT. 23-OCT. 22: For Canton, Ohio. He urged a bald eagle in flight, feathpeople to visit him if they ers are crucial in maintainGo to RealAstrology.com to check out wanted to hear what he ing balance. If it inadverRob Brezsny’s EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO had to say. The strategy tently loses a feather on one HOROSCOPES and DAILY TEXT MESSAGE worked. The speeches he wing, it will purposely shed HOROSCOPES. The audio horoscopes delivered from the front a comparable feather on the are also available by phone at porch of his house drew other wing. According to 750,000 attendees and 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700. my analysis of the astroplayed an important role logical omens, this strategy in his election. I recomhas metaphorical meaning mend a comparable approach for you in the coming for your life in 2017. Do you want to soar with maximum months, Cancerian. Invoke all your attractive power as you grace and power? Would you like to ascend and dive, explore invite interested parties to come see you and deal with you and scout, with ease and exuberance? Learn from the eagle’s on your home turf. instinctual wisdom.

LEO

JULY 23-AUG. 22: “Poetry is a way of knowledge, but most poetry tells us what we already know,” writes poet Charles Simic. I would say the same thing about a lot of art, theater, film, music and fiction: Too often it presents wellcrafted repetitions of ideas we have heard before. In my astrological opinion, Leo, 2017 will be a time when you’ll need to rebel against that limitation. You will thrive by searching for sources that provide you with novel information and unique understandings. Simic says: “The poem I want to write is impossible: a stone that floats.” I say: Be on the lookout for stones that float.

VIRGO

AUG. 23-SEPT. 22: The Economist magazine reports that

if someone wanted to transport $10 million in bills, he or she would have to use eight briefcases. Sadly, after evaluating your astrological omens for 2017, I’ve determined that you won’t ever have a need for that many. If you find yourself in a situation where you must carry bundles of money from one place to another, one suitcase will always be sufficient. But I also want to note that a sizable stash of cash can fit into a single suitcase. And it’s not out of the question that such a scenario could transpire for you in the coming months. In fact, I foresee a better chance for you to get richer quicker than I’ve seen in years.

SCORPIO

OCT. 23-NOV. 21: In August 2012, a group of tourists

visited the Eldgja volcanic region in Iceland. After a while, they noticed that a fellow traveler was missing. Guides organized a search party, which worked well into the night trying to track down the lost woman. At 3 a.m., one of the searchers suddenly realized that she herself was the missing person everyone was looking for. The misunderstanding had occurred many hours earlier because she had slipped away to change her clothes, and no one recognized her in her new garb. This is a good teaching story for you to meditate on in 2017, Scorpio. I’d love to see you change so much that you’re almost unrecognizable. And I’d love to see you help people go searching for the new you.

SAGITTARIUS

NOV. 22-DEC. 21: In 2017, you will be at the peak of your ability to forge new alliances and deepen existing alliances. You’ll have a sixth sense for cultivating professional connections that can serve your noble ambitions for years to come. I encourage you to be alert for new possibilities that might be both useful for your career and invigorating for your social life. The words “work” and “fun” will belong together! To achieve the best results, formulate a clear vision of the community and support system you want.

CAPRICORN

DEC. 22-JAN. 19: Capricorn writer Edgar Allan Poe has

been an important cultural influence. His work appears on many “must-read” lists of 19th-century American literature. But during the time he was alive, his best-selling book was not his famous poem “The Raven,” nor his short story “The Gold-Bug,” nor his novel The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket. Rather, it was The Conchologist’s First Book, a textbook about mollusk shells, which he didn’t actually write, but merely translated and edited. If I’m reading the astrological omens correctly, 2017 will bring events to help ensure that your fate is different from Poe’s. I see the coming months as a time when your best talents will be seen and appreciated better than ever before.

AQUARIUS

JAN. 20-FEB. 18: “My goal is to create a life that I don’t

need a vacation from,” says motivational author Rob Hill Sr. That’s an implausible dream for most people. But in 2017, it will be less implausible than it has ever been for you Aquarians. I don’t guarantee that it will happen. But there is a decent chance you’ll build a robust foundation for it, and thereby give yourself a head start that enables you to accomplish it by 2019. Here’s a tip on how to arouse and cultivate your motivation: Set an intention to drum up and seek out benevolent “shocks” that expand your concepts of who you are and what your life is about.

PISCES

FEB. 19-MARCH 20: The birds known as winter wrens live in the Puget Sound area of Washington. They weigh barely half an ounce, and their plain brown coloring makes their appearance unremarkable. Yet they are the avian equivalents of the opera star Pavarotti. If they weighed as much as roosters, their call would be 10 times as strong as the rooster’s cock-a-doodle-doo. Their melodies are rich and complex; one song may have more than 300 notes. When in peak form, the birds can unleash cascades at the rate of 36 notes per second. I propose that we make the winter wren your spirit animal in 2017, Pisces. To a casual observer, you may not look like you can generate so much virtuosity and lyrical power. But according to my analysis, you can.

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Dear Dan: I’m a 35-year-old man in a serious relationship — the best I’ve ever been in — with a girl I’ll likely marry. I’m happy with monogamy, aside from one aspect: I have a foot fetish that’s getting stronger with age and I can’t bear the thought of never sucking another girl’s toes again. I should note that my girlfriend is more than happy to shove her feet in my mouth, but I fantasize almost constantly about other women’s feet. I’m tempted to find paid foot-girls, something I’ve done in the past but never while in a relationship. But that would be cheating, right? I don’t think I can bring myself to ask for my girlfriend’s blessing, and I’d be shocked if she offered it. What do I do? — Fear Of Missing Out On Feet Dear FOMOOF: You bring yourself to ask, FOMOOF, even if you have to drag your ass there. If your girlfriend is sex-positive — if she’s not just shoving her feet in your mouth to shut you up — initiate conversations about your kinks (and hers), your sexual history (and hers), and sexual adventures you might want to have with her in the future (and ones she might want to have with you). If she’s curious and interested and upbeat during these convos and about your kinks, suggest going to a foot fetish party together — one where you can suck other women’s toes and other men can suck hers.

Boulder Weekly

SAVAGE by Dan Savage

Dear Dan: I’m a man who is sexually attracted to trans women. I’ve been told that if I’m attracted to women, it shouldn’t matter what genitals they have. I’ve also been told that if I like penis, it shouldn’t matter if the owner presents as male or female. Am I unfairly fetishizing trans women? — Gain Understanding Into Loving Trans Dear GUILT: You’re attracted to women, GUILT, some women have penises, and you find penis-having women particularly attractive. If you’re not attracted to men with penises and you’re not attracted to men like Buck Angel, i.e., trans men with vaginas, then you’re not attracted to men generally, cock or no cock. So long as you can state your preferences in a way that doesn’t dehumanize the people you are attracted to or denigrate the people you aren’t attracted to, GUILT, you have nothing to feel self-conscious or guilty about.

Love

Dear Dan: Perhaps you’re not the best person to ask, being a cis white man, but as a queer woman of color, the election had an extremely detrimental effect on my relationships with my white partners. I love and care for them, but looking at those results has me wondering why the fuck they didn’t do better in reaching out to their shitty relatives? I’m sick of living at the whim of white America. I’m aware this is the blame stage of processing, but it’s left me unable to orgasm with my white partners. I’m really struggling with what Trump means for me and others who look like me. I know my queer white partners aren’t exempt from the ramifications of this, but I wish they had done better. Respond however you like. — Devastated Over National Election Dear DONE: First and most importantly, DONE, you don’t have to fuck anyone you don’t wanna fuck — period, the end, fin, full stop, terminus — but we owe it to ourselves to be thoughtful about who we’re fucking, who we aren’t, and why.

Data isn’t a turn-on for most people, DONE, and I’m not suggesting the data I’m about to cite obligates you to fuck anyone. But queer voters (a group that includes millions of people of color) didn’t just reject Trump, they did so by wider margins than some communities of color (groups that include millions of queers). While 14 percent of LGBT voters backed Trump, 28 percent of Latino voters and 19 percent of Asian American voters backed Trump. (Only 8 percent of African Americans voted for Trump.) The shitty and unfathomable votes of some POC — and some queers (WTF, 14 percenters?) — doesn’t get your white partners off the orgasm-killing hook. It’s possible your white queer partners didn’t do enough to persuade their families back in Clinton County, Iowa, to vote against hatred, fascism, racism, and Trump. (Trump won Clinton County, Iowa, by five depressing points.) Like you, DONE, I’m struggling with what this election means. I’m not going to tell you what to do, or who to do, or how to process the election. I am going to tell you to talk with all your partners about your fears and your anger, and I encourage you to do whatever and whoever feels right going forward. Send questions to mail@savagelove.net and follow @fakedansavage on Twitter.

December 22, 2016 55

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The penguin at the tip of the iceberg

e moved from Phoenix to Washington when I was 15 years old where I watched the trees of Washington get lawn-mowed by the logging industry,” says Rob Jungmann, owner of boutique hemp clothing company Jungmaven. “Coming from the desert, I didn’t have a practical understanding of what trees were. Instead, I learned to see life in the littlest things, like puddles and cacti. Moving to Washington was incredible — I remember sitting by a river and all I could see were trees and all I could hear were birds. A year later, all I could Mikael Kennedy/Courtesy of Jungmaven hear was the noise of logging trucks.” Since then, Jungmann has taken inspiration from his environment to promote alternatives to destructive industries like logging, specifically hemp textiles, which offer another option that is actually good for the earth, if not regenerative. Jungmann’s company is a small cog in the wheel of the behemoth industry of textiles. Dominated by cotton and plastics, the global apparel and textile industry is valued at more than $3,000 trillion and is growing at 5 percent year over year, according to MarketLine. But size isn’t always a good measure of strength. The company is a part of a burgeoning domestic market for hemp textiles. Where a decade ago Jungmann found himself an outcast at textile trade shows, he is now considered a pioneer — one of the first to confront stigmas about industrial hemp and insist on its potential. For the growing number of enthusiasts, hemp is hailed as a panacea, a plant that can save the environ-

ment from its entire array of problems. Its fibers can replace the majority of the world’s paper and textile industries, not only stopping the need for deforestation, but with the built-in ability to reverse the greenhouse effect. It can replace fossil fuels and its derivatives to meet the world’s transportation, industrial and home energy needs while simultaneously reducing pollution, enhancing soil and cleaning the air. And, as an agricultural product, it promises to bring back resilient farming practices that require no pesticides or fertilizers, use less water and that can create meaningful jobs from soil through supply chain. Sharing the same scientific genus as marijuana, hemp has been illegal in much of the world during the past 70 years of cannabis prohibition and is still illegal to grow in most countries. As a result of these legislative barriers, it has also faced economic barriers, on both the supply and demand sides of the equation. Today, 30 countries around the world are breaking with the convention of international treaties to allow farmers to grow industrial hemp. China is the largest producer and exporter, accounting for a quarter of global production. Despite its decidedly prohibitionist position on marijuana, China recognizes the economic power of the crop and has taken steps to allow for industrial production without affecting marijuana’s illegal status. With few domestic options, Jungmann imports all of his fabric from China. He describes the situation like an iceberg: “Imagine there was a penguin smoking a joint on the tip of an iceberg,” Jungmann says. “And that underneath there is this

massive hunk of ice that has the potential to save us from ourselves, economically and environmentally.” China is progressively exploring the potential in the iceberg while the United States is still adamantly fighting the penguin on top. But as cannabis prohibition is challenged globally and domestically, a lot is changing for industrial hemp, making it a legally viable alternative for many more destructive industries. The progress began with the Agricultural Act of 2014 (commonly known as the 2014 U.S. Farm Bill) that created a legal distinction defining industrial hemp as Cannabis sativa — with a THC concentration of less than or equal to .03 percent — and any plant with a higher amount of THC as marijuana. With the legal distinction established, it became possible to legalize industrial hemp without entangling with the drug policy of marijuana. Soon after the Industrial Hemp Farming Act of 2015 was introduced to the U.S. Senate to do just that, but has since struggled to gain support and momentum despite receiving broad and bipartisan support. John Finamore, executive director of the Boulderbased National Hemp Association, has been instrumental in advancing the bill and heralding in a new era of hemp in the U.S. Under President Bush, hemp growers were prosecuted under federal law. Eight years later, growing hemp is legally viable in 28 states. “What I hope is that [we] will continue to recognize how far we have come in a relatively short amount of time,” Finamore writes in an email to Boulder Weekly. “The work to fully legitimize hemp is not over, and we may in fact face new hurdles, but patience and diligence now will certainly reward or efforts going forward.” Finamore was hopeful that 2017 would be a continuation of this effort, but, given the turnover in administration, he is now looking at what he calls a “total restart.” Next week’s column will look at the economic potentials and barriers affecting the legislative progress of hemp legislation in the U.S.

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December 22, 2016 57

cannabis corner

by Paul Danish

The DEA’s tangled web

or the last 80 years the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) and its predecessor agencies have been lying about the risks of marijuana use and getting away with it. Now the pro-medical marijuana organization Americans for Safe Access is pushing back — with evidence the DEA itself used, amazingly enough, when it blocked a petition to change pot from a Schedule I Controlled Substance to a status more in keeping with reality. Americans for Safe Access has filed a complaint with the U.S. Department of Justice’s Information Quality Guidelines, challenging the accuracy of 25 separate statements posted on the DEA’s website about the health risks of marijuana. The complaint argues the statements have been directly contradicted and debunked by numerous studies — and that the DEA accepted the conclusions of the debunking studies and even cited them in the decision it issued when it refused to alter marijuana’s Schedule I status. The complaint requests that the DEA either change its website to reflect the findings in those studies or delete the 25 statements from its website. The Americans for Safe Access based its complaint on a little-known federal law called the Information Quality Act. The act requires federal administrative agencies to devise guidelines to ensure the “quality, objectivity, utility, and integrity of information” they disseminate and to establish “administrative mechanisms allowing affected persons to seek and obtain correction of information maintained and disseminated by the agency that does not comply with the guidelines.” The complaint asserts that in the “Denial of Petition to Initiate Proceedings to Reschedule Marijuana” (aka the DPR), the DEA “directly contradicted a multitude of previously disseminated statements, which are currently available on the dea.

Boulder Weekly

gov website.” The latter are found in web publications titled The Dangers and Consequences of Marijuana Abuse and Drugs of Abuse. The complaint cited four separate packs of DEA lies: 1) Seven statements on the website claiming that marijuana use could induce psychosis, including the claims that “marijuana use can worsen depression and lead to more serious mental illness such as schizophrenia, anxiety, and even suicide.” The DEA’s denial of the rescheduling petition referred to “Numerous large, longitudinal studies show that subjects who used marijuana do not have a greater incidents of psychotic diagnoses compared with those who do not use marijuana.” 2) Eight DEA statements regarding pot’s “alleged capacity to induce lung cancer and cause damage comparable to that caused by tobacco use” — including the claim that “smoking one cannabis cigarette increases the chances of developing lung cancer by as much as an entire packet of 20 cigarettes.” The complaint said the DPR cited five statements from studies that contradicted the marijuana-lung cancer link, including the finding that in “a large clinical study with 1,650 subjects, no positive correlations were found between marijuana use and lung cancer.” 3) Seven “scientifically inaccurate statements” on the website “regarding the ‘gateway theory’ and cannabis,” including the assertion that “teens who exper-

iment with marijuana may be making themselves more vulnerable to heroin addiction later in life, if the findings from experiments with rats are any indication.” The Americans for Safe Access complaint cited six statements in the denial of the rescheduling petition contradicting the gateway drug claim, including a longitudinal study of 708 adolescents that “demonstrated that early onset marijuana use did not lead to problematic drug use.” 4) Three claims on the DEA website regarding “the alleged permanency of cannabis-associated cognitive deficits,” including the claim that “Memory, speed of thinking, and other cognitive abilities get worse over time with marijuana use.” The denial of the rescheduling petition cited five studies contradicting them. Why would a DEA document denying the rescheduling of pot contradict some of the agency’s favorite lies? Probably because the DEA realized that it couldn’t build a defensible case against rescheduling using its old reefer madness narrative, so it justified denying the petition by arguing the studies that debunked its old narrative were evidence that — wait for it — more research is needed before marijuana can be rescheduled. Chances of getting an agency run by three generations of pathological liars to change the way it operates are slim, but Americans for Safe Access has done a real service by showing what a tangled web the DEA weaves as it practices its deceits.

December 22, 2016 59

icumi

(IN CASE YOU MISSED IT) An irreverent and not always accurate view of the world

I’M AFRAID, DAVE

There’s an episode of the dark, near-future, British TV series Black Mirror (no spoilers, we swear) that centers on a technology that allows humans to create digital copies of their consciousness. These copies are then placed in devices that control the “real” humans’ home: Your copy can wake you to your favorite music, prepare your preferred breakfast, run a hot bath or present a list of upcoming appointments. Just kidding, this is actually what happens at Mark Zuckerberg’s house. In a succinct 3,000-word Wikimedia Commons Facebook post on Monday, Dec. 19, Zuckerberg wrote about the 100 hours he sunk into creating Jarvis, an artificial intelligence assistant he created this year that can control appliances, play music, recognize faces and teach his toddler Mandarin. The digital assistant texts Zuckerberg images of visitors who stop by during the day and opens the front door for those it recognizes (unless you look at the camera at a really unflattering angle). Zuckerberg says right now he’s mostly just asking Jarvis to play some music, and the AI mostly “nails” what Zuckerberg wants to hear. Ultimately, he hopes Jarvis will be able to help him with world domination. Heads up: Those targeted ads on your Facebook aren’t nearly as creepy as what’s to come.

’TIS THE SEASON OF SHEER FOLLY

For just pennies a day you could help UNICEF USA feed a child in a wartorn, poverty stricken nation — or you could donate a million dollars to a nonprofit led by Donald Trump’s grown sons to get a chance to hang with The Donald over inauguration weekend. The Opening Day Foundation was recently minted — Dec. 14 — to give you the chance to rub elbows with the 45th President of the United States right as he becomes the leader of the free world. As a nonprofit, the foundation is under no legal obligation to disclose the names of its donors, so you can give for the sake of giving to a great cause, not for praise or gifts. Speaking of gifts, those who make million-dollar donations to the “Opening Day 2017” event — scheduled for Jan. 21 — receive a “private reception and photo opportunity for 16 guests with President Donald J. Trump,” at Washington, D.C.’s Walter E. Washington Convention Center; a “multi-day hunting and/or fishing excursion for 4 guests with Donald Trump, Jr. and/or Eric Trump, and team,” (obviously “team” means Ted Nugent) as well as tickets to other events and “autographed guitars by an Opening Day 2017 performer” (obviously Kid Rock). Some of the other events and fabulous door prizes you can expect as a donor to the Opening Day Foundation: • A slightly deflated football signed by Tom Brady • A one-of-a-kind bandana from the personal collection of Terry Gene Bollea, aka Hulk Hogan, printed with the slogan, “Trumpmania is running wild, brother!” • An original boarding pass from one of Dennis Rodman’s trips to North Korea • An ear from the personal collection of Mike Tyson • A photo shoot with ’90s sort-of heartthrob Aaron Carter • A pre-owned DVD boxset of the complete series Joanie Loves Chachi • One introductory Arabian horse breeding course led by Wayne Newton • Mein Kampf, the complete audiobook, read by Tila Tequila All proceeds from the opening day event will be donated to unnamed “conservation charities.” That’s an ambiguous cause you can get behind. 60 December 22, 2016

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Enjoyed your trail membership? Become a member at Boulder Wellness Center! Benefits include: 20% Off All Purchases! Receive up to $240 in Store Credit! Chair Massages when you shop on Fridays! Exclusivity on select flower strains!

5420 Arapahoe • Unit F • Boulder, CO 303.442.2565 www.boulderwc.com

2801 Iris Ave., Boulder, CO

See our Holiday deals across from Cannabis Corner

Colorado’s #1 Source for Boulder – 1144 Pearl St. 303-443-PIPE Westminster – 3001 W. 74th Ave. 303-426-6343 Highlands Ranch – 7130 E. County Line Rd. 303-740-5713 Denver – 2046 Arapahoe in LoDo 303-295-PIPE

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14er’s own 500mg CO2 Cartridges available now!

21+ Counter Now Open

2897 Mapleton Ave Ste 800 303.539.6525 @14erBoulder

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21+ Counter Open *Full Menu and Specials Now now on Weedmaps*

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2897 Mapleton Ave Ste 800 303.539.6525 @14erBoulder

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Best Selection of Concentrates in Boulder! CONCENTRATE FLIGHT: Buy 4 grams, get 20% off each. Buy 8 grams, get 25% off each. Viola Extracts, Essential Extracts, The Lab, Craft, Olio, Spherex, Bolder Extracts, Hummingbird Brand CO2 Cannabis Nectar Strain of the Week Chuckles OG $100 HALF OZ Strains Flo White, Island Sweet Skunk, Louie XIII OG, Soma Sour Diesel, Chemdawg, Hells OG, Tangerine Haze *Strains will rotate. While supplies last.* Early Bird Special Shop Between 8-10 am Monday - Friday, 9-10 am Saturday. Receive 15% off your entire purchase! *Not to be combined with other discounts. Some exclusions may apply.*

Craft Cannabis

$120 oz non-members

Now open until 10:00 p.m. Thurs.,Fri. &Sat. Coming Soon: Closing 10:00 p.m. 7 days a week

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845 walnut st.| www.thedandelionco.com

YEARS IN

Tax not included. Cannot be combined with other offers. While supplies last. Select strains.

Under new ownership. Check out our expanded selection of edibles. 21+

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Holos Health Best of Boulder MMJ Evaluation Services IF YOU HAVE A QUALIFYING CONDITION IT IS BEST TO HAVE A MEDICAL CARD

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Advantages include: • Price • Selection • Medicinal Strains •Legal Coverage

WHERE NATURE & MEDICINE MEET

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5420 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder Open Everyday www.boulderwc.com

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303.442.2565

5420 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder www.boulderwc.com

Best of Boulder Alternative Health Care Provider

PREVENTION AND TREATMENT OF CHRONIC DISEASE • FUNCTIONAL MEDICINE Specializing in hormone balance and auto-immune disease • WOMEN’S HEALTH • PAIN MANAGEMENT & ADDICTION

3000 Center Green Dr., Suite 230, Boulder • By appointment only M-F • Online appointments at www.holoshealth.org or call 720.273.3568