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departments 7 LETTERS: Thanks for fracking coverage 7 THE HIGHROAD: NSA and DHS defend us against sinister website 8 COMMENTARY: Pension cuts serve the rich 10 ICUMI: Pro-fracking commenters paid by oil and gas?; Addled by Adler 39 ARTS & CULTURE: Step right up for Cirque

Dreams Holidaze 41 BOULDER COUNTY EVENTS: What to do and where to go 46 REEL TO REEL: Films showing locally 47 SCREEN: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug 50 TIDBITES: Food happenings around Boulder County 51 CUISINE REVIEW: Bistrot des Artistes 54 BOULDER WEEKLY BEER TOUR: Farewell, Planet Porter 55 BOULDER MARKETPLACE: Your community resource 57 SAVAGE LOVE: If you want him, then put a ring on him 59 ASTROLOGY: By Rob Brezsny 61 WEED BETWEEN THE LINES: The evolution of a district attorney

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Boulder Weekly

staff Publisher, Stewart Sallo Editor, Joel Dyer Advertising Director, Jeff Cole Director of Operations/Controller, Benecia Beyer Circulation Manager, Cal Winn

letters

EDITORIAL Managing Editor, Jefferson Dodge Arts & Entertainment Editor, David Accomazzo Associate Editor/Special Editions, Elizabeth Miller Online Editor, Josh Gross Interns, Lexi Schwartz, Ali Tadayon Contributing Writers, Peter Alexander, Dave Anderson, Cayte Bosler, Rob Brezsny, Chris Callaway, Paul Danish, James Dziezynski, Jim Hightower, Dave Kirby, Michael Krumholtz, Jessie Lucier, Blair Madole, Dylan Owens, Brian Palmer, Adam Perry, Stephanie Riesco, Leland Rucker, Dan Savage, Alan Sculley, Camilla Sterne, Ruth Tobias, Christine Vazquez, Tom Winter, Tate Zandstra, Gary Zeidner SALES Retail Sales Manager, Allen Carmichael Digital Portfolio Sales Manager, Kirk Koskey Account Executives, Julian Bourke, Andrea Craven, David Hasson PRODUCTION Production Manager, Dave Kirby Art Director, Susan France Graphic Designer, Mark Goodman Marketing Manager & Heiress, Julia Sallo Marketing Assistant, Maria Scully Office Manager/Advertising Assistant Andrea Neville CIRCULATION TEAM Dave Hastie, Dan Hill, George LaRoe, Jeffrey Lohrius, Elizabeth Ouslie, Rick Slama 14-Year-Old, Mia Rose Sallo December 19, 2013 Volume XXI, Number 20 As Boulder County's only independently owned newspaper, Boulder Weekly is dedicated to illuminating truth, advancing justice and protecting the First Amendment through ethical, no-holdsbarred journalism and thought-provoking opinion writing. Free every Thursday since 1993, the Weekly also offers the county's most comprehensive arts and entertainment coverage. Read the print version, or visit www.boulderweekly.com. Boulder Weekly does not accept unsolicited editorial submissions. If you're interested in writing for the paper, please send queries to: editorial@boulderweekly.com. Any materials sent to Boulder Weekly become the property of the newspaper. 690 South Lashley Lane, Boulder, CO, 80305 p 303.494.5511 f 303.494.2585 editorial@boulderweekly.com www.boulderweekly.com Printed on 100% recycled paper with soy-based ink. Boulder Weekly is published every Thursday. No portion may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher. © 2013 Boulder Weekly, Inc., all rights reserved.

Boulder Weekly welcomes your correspondence via email (letters@ boulderweekly.com) or the comments section of our website at www.boulderweekly.com. Preference will be given to short letters (under 300 words) that deal with recent stories or local issues, and letters may be edited for style, length and libel. Letters should include your name, address and telephone number for verification. We do not publish anonymous letters or those signed with pseudonyms. Letters become the property of Boulder Weekly and will be published on our website.

Boulder Weekly

Thanks for fracking coverage

[Re: “The fracking/real estate conundrum,” News, Dec. 12.] Thanks for taking the fracking coverage in this direction. Along with frack sand mining and the use of fracked natural gas liquids as tar sands diluents (making fracked gas that much worse than coal in greenhouse impacts), the impact of the drilling boom

on surrounding surface property values is underreported. Not only are local property owners subsidizing gas drilling companies’ profits with an uncompensated loss on our investments, but the knock-on effect of reduced property tax revenues to county governments, schools and special districts is another substantial subsidy to the tune

the

Highroad NSA and DHS defend us against sinister website by Jim Hightower

t’s a scary world out there, with global terrorists plotting to kill us. That’s why we must be grateful to the National Security Agency and our Department of Homeland Security. They’re constantly on watch, poised to spring to our defense, no matter from what hellhole the threat emanates. Some homegrown cynics say the billions a year we spend on these

two agencies of eternal vigilance is wasted. Yeah? Well let me rub the noses of those cynics in the dangerous mess right in our own midst that was uncovered and efficiently (dare I say “heroically”?) dealt with by the proud patriots of NSA and DHS. I speak of LibertyManiacs.com, a diabolical website run by a fiend named Dan McCall. Yes, McCall is an American, but apparently he has been recruited to the dark side, for he’s issuing communistic-style propaganda that hurts the efforts of our “anti-terror” heroes — or at least it’s hurting their feelings. Specifically, Dan’s been selling T-shirts, coffee cups and other paraphernalia with slogans that mock the two massive spook agencies. For example, one calls DHS the “Department of Homeland Stupidity.” Another says: “NSA: The Only Part of Government That Actually Listens.” And one even

of millions of dollars per year. Can’t these frackers make an honest living without cheating us out of our investments or siphoning off government revenues? They’re just as bad as Wall Street banks. Also, a cynical view of the new air emissions regs [Re: “Hickenlooper’s new see LETTERS Page 8

For more information on Jim Hightower’s work — and to subscribe to his award-winning monthly newsletter, The Hightower Lowdown — visit www.jimhightower.com.

alters the NSA’s official logo to read: “Peeping While You’re Sleeping.” Top spooks at NSA and DHS were outraged, and both agencies took legal action to try stopping McCall from ... well, from making fun of them. Technically, though, that’s not against the law (not yet), so the agencies had to go after him for “mutilation — or impersonation of government seals.” It turns out that McCall’s politics are not at all leftie, but, instead, way out in right field. However, who cares? When two huge, secretive and powerful agencies try to outlaw parody, that’s neither left nor right — it’s straight-up stupid. Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com This opinion column does not necessarily reflect the views of Boulder Weekly. December 19, 2013 7

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Pension cuts serve the rich by Dave Anderson

“When you cut someone’s wages, at least that person can say, ‘I’m not working for you.’ By cutting retiree pensions, this is literally reaching into their bank account and stealing from them after the fact.” --Ross Eisenbrey of the Economic Policy Institute cross the country, the pension and health care benefits of retired public employees are under attack. On Dec. 3, a Michigan judge ruled that federal bankruptcy law allows the city of Detroit to gut the pensions ($19,000 a year, on average) of their employees. On the same day, the Illinois legislature voted for substantial cuts in state

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LETTERS from Page 7

oil and gas regulations: Real substance or fracking greenwash?” Cover story, Nov. 27] shows a move to push small operators out of the market on the part of the big drilling companies. They can afford the equipment, and they get a bonus out of the new regs: protection from nuisance lawsuits. Just this summer some Pennsylvania homeowners hired Charlie Speer, a nuisance lawsuit pioneer, to sue frackers over issues like noise, dust and vented gasses. If they win, more suits will follow. The trick is that generally you can’t sue for nuisances that are regulated by some law or agency. Thus, BTEX emissions and other things covered by these new regs would likely be off the table in Colorado.

employee pensions. Interestingly, these rip-offs involved both parties. Michigan has a Republican governor and a Republican-controlled legislature. Illinois has a Democratic governor and a Democratic-controlled legislature. This is despite the fact that the pensions of the Detroit and Illinois workers were protected by their state constitutions. Georgetown law professor Adam Levitin said this is a disturbing precedent and that states and cities are watching Detroit and Illinois closely. Steve Kreisberg, director of research and collective bargaining for the see PENSIONS Page 9

letters Frackenlooper has to look like he’s doing something or face growing resistance to his complete abandonment of his adopted party’s base. The EDF doesn’t need to be an industry puppet to be a useful idiot in this case. Hick gets political cover; Anadarko, Encana, and other major frackers get an advantage against small-time players and protection from some lawsuits; and the EDF gets something special for their fundraising efforts while not having to do anything to actually defend the environment. The only losers in this deal are those of us who have to breathe anywhere near the inadequately regulated, un-inspected equipment tacked on to the condensate tanks. Steve Morgan/Boulder Boulder Weekly

commentary

PENSIONS from Page 8

public-employee union AFSCME, expressed outrage. He said, “This is a bipartisan collection of politicians who essentially don’t respect democracy. They authorized a violation of their own state constitutions.” Michigan and Illinois are two of seven states with clauses in their state constitutions that prohibit cuts to public pensions. Colorado is another such state. In 2010, the Colorado legislature passed a law reducing cost-of-living increases for PERA (Public Employees’ Retirement Association) retirees (in more than 400 government agencies and public entities). A lawsuit was filed charging that the law is an unconstitutional breach of contract. It is now before the Colorado Supreme Court. Detroit and Illinois don’t participate in Social Security. This is the situation for many public workers around the country, including Colorado. So their pensions are usually their only retirement income (much of it coming from paycheck deductions). Public employees have become scapegoats for a floundering economy. The right wing claims that public workers are paid much more than those in the private sector. Actually, studies show, taking education and experience into account, they earn less. The London Guardian recently published leaked documents from a rightwing coalition called the State Policy Network (SPN) which revealed that they are planning campaigns to cut or eliminate public pensions in several states. Colorado is one such state. The group has an annual war chest of $83 million drawn from major corporations. Lisa Graves, executive director of the Center for Media and Democracy (CMD), notes that: “The ‘experts’ of State Policy Network groups get quoted on TV, in the papers, or in the legislature as if they were nonpartisan, objective scholars on issues of public policy. But in reality, SPN is a front for corporate interests with an extreme national policy agenda tied to some of the most retrograde special interests in the country, including the billionaire Koch brothers, the Waltons, the Bradley Foundation, the Roe Foundation and the Coors family.” The think tank Demos has released a study of the Detroit bankruptcy by Walter Turbeville, a former investment banker with Goldman Sachs in the municipal finance department. He says Detroit officials’ current “focus on cutting retiree benefits and reducing the city’s long-term liabilities to address the crisis [is] inappropriate and, in important ways, not rooted in fact.” He concludes, “Detroit’s bankruptcy Boulder Weekly

was primarily caused by a severe decline in revenue and exacerbated by complicated Wall Street deals that put its ability to pay its expenses at greater risk.” Job-exporting trade policies and deindustrialization have been killing Detroit for decades. The state of Illinois is different. It has the fifth-largest gross domestic product in the nation and a low tax burden. Nevertheless, legislators have been chronically and deliberately underfunding state worker pensions for

decades. Many states and cities have been doing this. They have also been stealing from pension funds to pay for government services rather than raising taxes. While cutting pensions, Detroit decided to spend $285 million to build a new professional hockey stadium. On the same day the Illinois state Senate voted to eviscerate pensions, they also gave a multimillion-dollar tax break to the agribusiness mega-corp Archer

Daniels Midland. The money is there. We just need a government serving the people, not the rich. — Anderson is a PERA retiree and was an activist with the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees and Colorado WINS (Workers for Innovative and New Solutions). Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com This opinion column does not necessarily reflect the views of Boulder Weekly.

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PRO-FRACKING COMMENTERS PAID BY OIL/GAS? Here at Boulder Weekly, we welcome discussion of our stories. We hope that whenever we tackle an issue in an article, those with opinions from all sides of the political spectrum can come to the comments section of our website and find a robust and respectful conversation. We are so open-minded that we even welcome comments from paid employees of some of the people we write about. A reader, James, engaged in a back-andforth with some pro-fracking commenters on a recent BW column written by Paul Danish. He then wrote a comment challenging us to do some “investigative journalism” on the identities of his debate opponents, since he suspected they were on the payroll of the oil and gas industry. Well, we looked into it. And James just might be onto something. We entered IP addresses of some pro-fracking commenters on our website into a WHOIS database and were able to track two commenters to two separate IP addresses registered to Noble Energy and one commenter to an IP address registered to Anadarko Petroleum Corporation. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with oil and gas employees expressing their pro-fracking opinions on our website. After all, if they believed their jobs were unethical but did it for the money anyway, that would just make them whores, right? Nothing wrong with that. Still, it’s pretty interesting to note that the majority of pro-fracking comments on one article on our website came from two major oil and gas companies. Online comment boards and discussion groups are increasingly becoming targets for PR firms, corporations and possibly even the government. Can we add oil and gas companies to the list? Perhaps. We’ll keep an eye on it. ADDLED BY ADLER The situation involving CU sociology professor Patti Adler appears to be yet another example of the university administration infringing on academic freedom in the name of political correctness. Adler has gotten into hot water for a skit in which her teaching assistants purportedly portray different types of prostitutes in her “Deviance in U.S. Society” course. Fired ethnic studies professor Ward Churchill was not exactly a beacon of integrity, but the witch hunt against him began only after comments he made that were constitutionally protected free speech. This is becoming a troubling pattern at CU, attempting to silence voices that prove controversial, from the Campus Press to the Silver & Gold Record to the entire School of Journalism and Mass Communication. We recognize that there should be a genuine interest in prohibiting work or learning environments in which individuals feel harassed, sexually or otherwise, but the university and its faculty play a special role, unique in our society, in pushing boundaries and challenging the status quo. It should continue to serve as a free and open marketplace of ideas in which we can advance understanding and knowledge. Sometimes, that process is uncomfortable, but this is one of the only laboratories in which it can still occur, given the corporate-funded and politically controlled spheres in which most of our popular ideas emanate from these days. We’d like to trust the CU administration in its assurances that this was not just another case of bowing to pressure, another case of saving face. Surely, in a university environment, we should grant wide latitude to learning experiences that stretch students’ — and society’s — established comfort zones and remind us that the best teachers are the ones who dared to confront our most established patterns. If you are interested in signing the petition protesting this action against Adler, visit http://chn.ge/19bVCWO. Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com Boulder Weekly

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Boulder Weekly

news

USA Environment, L.P.

what it needs to do to get he City of the VCUP and deals with Boulder is the regulatory agencies,” planning to Mayor Matt Appelbaum shell out $4 told BW. “I know people million to may have some concerns clean up the environabout that process, but it’s mental contamination the process we have to folleft by the gas plant that operated for decades on low, or else we’re on the the property that is now hook for eternity, plus it home to the Dushanbe gets it cleaned up.” Teahouse and 13th The city’s VCUP appliStreet Plaza. cation was filed on Oct. 18 But one of the and approved by Mark nation’s experts on such Rudolph of the CDPHE projects says the remefour days later. In his diation does not go far approval letter, Rudolph enough and leaves the says that “if fully and proptaxpayers holding the erly implemented,” the plan bag because there is no “will attain a degree of plan currently in place cleanup and control of hazfor Xcel Energy to share ardous substances and the costs. However, city gases, such that the properofficials say they do plan ty does not present an to eventually attempt to unacceptable risk to human recover money from the The dotted blue line represents the total area to be excavated to a depth of seven feet. The orange circle shows the health or the environment portion where up to eight feet of soil will be removed, and the purple line marks the section that is expected to be company. based on the property’s excavated to a depth of up to 18 feet. The contamination proposed future use, which of the 13th Street Plaza is commercial.” property, which was the Hatheway says that the focus of a series of quick turnaround in and of Boulder Weekly articles itself should be a red flag, earlier this year, was because usually the state caused by a coal gasifiasks follow-up questions as cation plant operated by the slow wheels of bureauthe Federal Gas cracy turn. Company from 1902 “No one ever does until the early 1950s. that,” he says of the hasty The Environmental approval. “This thing was EPA’s ability to require additional Protection Agency notiAs it did with the much-maligned greased. It’s very unusual cleanup in the future. fied city officials of the contamination Valmont Butte cleanup, the city is that within a week they just sign it off. But Allen Hatheway, who wrote a in the mid-1990s, but the city built the remediating the property through the Normally, that would take a couple of 1,400-page book titled Remediation of teahouse at the site anyway, directly on state’s Voluntary Cleanup Program months.” top of old coal-gas lines that will not be (VCUP). The VCUP is an arrangement Former Manufactured Gas Plants and Rudolph did not respond to a Other Coal-Tar Sites and is considered unearthed as part of the planned remebetween the Colorado Department of request for comment. one of the nation’s top authorities on diation because they have been deemed Public Health and Environment and the topic, has been an outspoken critic a minor health threat. the Environmental Protection Agency The plan of the VCUP approach. After being The city began to gain an underthat permits parties to perform their The cleanup is scheduled to begin provided a copy of the city’s remediastanding of the full extent of the probown remediation of contaminated sites in early January, with project completion plan, he responded with a fourlem over the past couple of years, after when they aren’t serious enough to tion in “approximately April 2014,” page letter lambasting the city for not complaints arose in 2009 about conqualify for the Superfund National according to city spokesperson Mike doing a more thorough cleanup and tamination roughly 300 feet southeast Priorities List. According to a memoBañuelos. The Boulder County questioning why the Public Service of the gas plant site, at the former loca- randum of agreement between the Farmers’ Market, which is held along Company of Colorado is not helping tion of a dry cleaner where elevated lev- CDPHE and EPA, the VCUP is 13th Street next to the property, opens fund the project. (Public Service owned on the first Saturday in April, and offiels of certain chemicals associated with encouraged “due to limited resources, coal gasification plants were detected. the need to prioritize sites and the need the Federal Gas Company from the cials hope the project is completed 1920s until 1963, and Xcel Energy now before then. The city and its consultants have insist- to expedite cleanup action” in cases owns Public Service, but Xcel officials ed that the 13th Street property is not where facilities are being transferred, In its 93-page application, prepared have attempted to separate themselves the source of that contamination, redeveloped or reused. The VCUP “is by consultant USA Environment, L.P., from liability even while gaining claiming that groundwater under the tasked to operate quickly and with a the city details how it will excavate the approval from the Public Utilities property flows to the northeast, away minimum of administrative processes contaminated soil, water and underCommission to pass along any future from a nearby ditch and Boulder Creek, and cost,” the agreement states. ground elements of the gasification Officials from the CDPHE, the city cleanup or legal costs associated with an assertion that experts have quesplant, including pipes, oil tanks and gas tioned because groundwater must even- and Xcel have denied that the VCUP is the site to ratepayers.) holders. It also describes findings from “It’s kind of the same thing with tually flow to Boulder Creek and there- a way to fast-track cleanups on the additional soil bore tests and groundcheap, to avoid cumbersome and expen- Valmont, not that either of them are fore likely turns back to the southeast sive EPA procedures as well as limit the pleasant, but the city goes and does shortly after leaving the property. See TEAHOUSE Page 14

City to spend $4 million cleaning up teahouse property Critic: Plan is inadequate, taxpayers should demand that Xcel chip in now by Jefferson Dodge and Joel Dyer

Boulder Weekly

December 19, 2013 13

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water monitoring wells since March. system in accordance with city waste(City officials refused to discuss those water utility guidelines.” findings with BW until the VCUP After the project is complete, the application was filed.) city plans to check groundwater In the months of March, April, June through the monitoring wells quarterly and September, the city took soil boring “for a period of up to two years” and samples at 11 different locations, turnthereafter on “a semi-annual basis, as ing two of those bore holes into addineeded, to confirm a stable or declining tional groundwater monitoring wells, trend in [contaminants of concern] bringing the total to 10 wells on the concentrations at the site.” property. The testing confirmed what many New questions suspected, that there are multiple volaNew maps in the VCUP raise questile organic compounds and semi-volations about the city’s assertion that tile organic compounds in the soil and groundwater flows to the northeast at groundwater at the site, typical of what the site. One illustration (see map on is found at former manufactured gas page 13) shows the most contaminated plants. The primary contaminant, as soil extending from the relief holder to expected, is naphthalene. That and sev- the east, suggesting that the plume eral of the other contaminants at the spreads more toward Boulder Creek site are classified by the EPA as probathan to the northeast. In addition, a ble human carcinogens capable of caus- cross-section in the VCUP shows the ing cancer and other serious health plume working its way downward. Liv ea issues in humans and animals. he Hatheway confirms that gas plant conThe VCUP application also includes atamination spreads down-gradient, like lthi er l should. an analysis of the 74 wells located within groundwater ife a half-mile of the site, accompanied by “It has to,” he says. assurances that most of the wells have In response to a request for combeen abandoned or are not in operation, ment, city spokesperson Bañuelos says the consultant told him the reason for and that all addresses around the wells excavating in that area is due to conare hooked up to the city’s water supply. The study concludes that “it is not likely taminated soil being in that area, but that these locations would be affected by that there are “other factors, in addition to groundwater flow direction, that the groundwater conditions related to would impact subsurface [non-aqueous the historic [manufactured gas plant] phase liquids] distribution.” operations at the site.” In his Dec. 13 letter to responding The application outlines the city’s to the VCUP application at the request plans to excavate and “dewater” seven of BW, Hatheway says the city has “sold feet of soil across an 18,600-square-foot rectangle encompassing the entire plaza its citizens down the river” because by filing the VCUP, it has legally become along the north side of the teahouse as the “responsible party” for the eventual well as most of the teahouse parking lot. In some areas, like around the high- cleanup, letting Xcel and Public Service off the hook for their potential liability. ly contaminated “relief holder” that was “That is not our understanding,” partially excavated for the first time in Mayor Appelbaum says. March, up to 18 feet of soil will be Bañuelos confirmed that “at this removed. The plan says between 7,000 time, there is no agreed split between and 8,000 cubic yards of earth is expected to be dug up and hauled off to the city and Xcel,” and that “costs will initially be absorbed by the city, with “an approved facility,” to be replaced cost sharing to be pursued with other with clean fill dirt. Workers will set up responsible parties.” a “ventilated structure to control odors But Hatheway says the city should and vapor emissions during excavation have gained a commitment from Xcel and removal activities” as a way “to to share in the cleanup costs. optimize protection of workers and the “Approval of the city’s application to general public,” according to the plan. take responsibility from Xcel … grants The plan also calls for the deepest only that the city has formalized its excavations to include removal of mortgage on the community resources groundwater. of its own citizenry,” Hatheway writes. “Dewatering efforts will be susHe chastises the city for glossing tained during the deeper excavation activities to maintain a lowered ground- over the site’s history and disregarding BW’s series “as a body of evidence that water table at the site, as well as to creshould be considered part of the public ate an inward gradient for the removal record.” He questions why the reputable of impacted groundwater,” the applicaand respected consultant Environmental tion states. “Groundwater recovered Resources Management, which had during the dewatering activities will be previously done work for the city at the containerized temporarily on-site for site, was supplanted by USA subsequent disposal to the city’s sewer Boulder Weekly

Gift Certificates Environmental. He also criticizes USA Environmental for claiming that there is some “attenuation,” or natural reduction, of contaminants at the site over time, saying the contamination is not degrading, but spreading. He renews his previous call for the Dushanbe Teahouse to be disassembled and put in storage, on Xcel’s dime, while an exhaustive remediation of the entire property is conducted. “It seems quite odd indeed, that Boulder’s well-known environmentally sensitive citizenry are not incensed over the declaratory actions of the city to protect Xcel from its rightful fiscal liability in remediation, on the one hand, and to place its own citizens at some unknown degree of real health risks, in order to protect the interests of the utility company,” Hatheway writes. “If the city stands for absolving Xcel of its rightful responsibility, then actions such as would bring about a referendum vote might be appropriate. … The public does not deserve to be sacrificed at the altar of the forthcoming remedial-taxation burden for special interests, and surely not while it is protected healthwise only by the self-serving ‘not to worry’ risk assessments brought forth by unidentified consultant parties or unknown academic, technical and experiential qualifications.” In response to Hatheway’s letter, the city issued the following prepared statement: “The City of Boulder’s process and decision-making relative to the 13th Street Plaza remediation work has been and remains open and transparent. The city’s Voluntary Cleanup Plan (Plan) is aggressive. The Plan requires, in the next few months, the excavation of the remaining manufactured gas plant (MGP) source material and infrastructure, as needed. This will accelerate the cleanup, while limiting disruptions to public access to the heavily used Plaza area, particularly during the busy Farmer’s Market season. USA Environmental’s scientists and engineers have considerable experience with the Colorado Voluntary Cleanup Program and MGP site cleanups. There is no requirement that a VCUP application be signed by a registered engineer or other environmental professional. As required by the VCUP program, at the completion of remediation, the city will submit a certification from a qualified environmental professional that the Plan has been fully implemented. Cleanup funding is part of the city’s ongoing discussions with Xcel about the cleanup planning.”

‘Do it right’ In a subsequent phone interview, Hatheway says the city has left itself plenty of wiggle room to avoid fully Boulder Weekly

remediating the property, using terms in the application like “to the extent possible” and leaving the door open to on-site assessments at the time of the cleanup. “There is a certain imprecision built into the wording to allow wide latitude in its response,” he says. “Do it right, do it once, and protect the health and solvency of the citizens of Boulder.” Mayor Appelbaum says the question of how much Xcel will be required to contribute to the remediation is still an open one, and it will be decided later. “Both parties agree it’s got to be cleaned up, so you go ahead and you clean it up, and the city usually puts in the lion’s share of that funding, just to get it done,” he says. “After all, it’s on city property. Then you negotiate, once you know the final cost, you negotiate who has to pay what, and then, the worst circumstance, I guess, you litigate it. It would be nice if it didn’t have to get to that, but we’re talking about several million dollars. I wouldn’t be shocked if there was some disagreement.” But Appelbaum adds that if the gas company was primarily responsible for the contamination, Xcel should pay for the majority of the cleanup. “If you buy a company that’s being sued for something, you inherit the liability,” he says. “It needs to be fair. Who caused it? If the city is part of the cause, as clearly we were at Valmont, yeah, we’re going to pay for part of that. … I have no doubt we’ll pay for part of it. At 13th Street it’s a little less clear what our role is.” Appelbaum acknowledged that while he hasn’t heard that the BW series played a role in the city’s approach to the cleanup, it’s “possible that because of some stuff you wrote people looked at it a little more carefully or a little differently.” Xcel spokesperson Michelle Aguayo told BW that her company initially wanted to take the lead on cleaning up the property, but city officials declined. She says the city has awarded the contract for the cleanup to an environmental remediation contractor called Envirocon. In response to a question about the extent to which her company would acknowledge liability and help share the costs of the project, she told BW, “What I can tell you is Xcel has contributed resources and financial assistance to the city for the project to date. The city as the property owner has decided to move forward with the project at its own cost for now but the city continues to seek technical input and other assistance from Xcel. We intend to continue to work cooperatively with the city on this project.” Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com

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Boulder Weekly

news The fracking/real estate conundrum

Oil and gas shale boom threatens mortgage markets by Joel Dyer

ast week, in part one of this series, we examined how fracking and oil and gas shale development is likely driving down home values for the millions of Americans living near wells, production platforms, pipelines and other industrial paraphernalia belonging to the oil and gas industry as a result of its current drilling boom. As we noted, the problem is a large one. More than 15 million people now live within one mile of an oil and gas well that has been drilled and fracked just since the year 2000. And it is predicted that we are only in the beginning stages of the current drilling boom, which will eventually extend into 34 of the lower 48 states. When a shale play and a population center collide, the results are staggering. For example, a recent examination by The Wall Street Journal found that in Johnson County, Texas — an area sitting atop the Barnett Shale on the southern edge of Fort Worth with a population of 150,000 — 99.5 percent of county residents live within a mile of one or more of the 3,900 wells that now blanket the county. This is particularly startling when you consider that in the year 2000, there were less than 20 wells in the entire county. Also as reported last week in BW, research into the impact of oil and gas extraction on real estate values has found that homes near wells or even as far away as 2.48 miles from production activity can lose between 4 percent and 15 percent of their market value. Researchers also claim that home values in places like Boulder County, where environmental awareness is particularly high, could drop by 20 percent or, in worst-case scenarios, be rendered nearly worthless because no one will buy them due to their proximity to oil and gas activity. These losses in real estate value are also being exacerbated by the impact that fracking and oil and gas shale development is having on the primary and secondary mortgage markets. When a homeowner attempts to sell, chances are, whomever is going to buy your house will need a mortgage to do so. Approximately 90 percent of all home purchases in the U.S. are made using money loaned to the buyer by a bank, credit union or government entity Boulder Weekly

in the form of a mortgage against the property being purchased. To secure a mortgage using the property as collateral, an appraisal of the property must be done and the buyer must be able to secure adequate homeowners and title insurance. This part of the mortgage transaction is a function of the primary mortgage market. If this were the only mortgage market, then qualifying for a home loan would be quite difficult for most Americans because it wouldn’t take long for most lending institutions to loan out all their available funds. That being the case, the federal government sponsors the secondary mortgage market to provide ongoing liquidity to the housing market. The purpose of government-sponsored institutions Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac is to purchase the home mortgages issued by banks and other lending institutions and then package those home loans into mortgaged-backed financial instruments that can then be sold to investors. Buying mortgages from the banks that originated them ensures that those banks have a constantly renewing source of money to loan the next round of homebuyers. In 2008, thanks to the mortgage crisis and the increasing insolvency of certain financial institutions, the Federal Housing Finance Agency (FHFA) was formed. The primary purpose of the FHFA is to provide oversight to Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac and the Federal Home Loan Banks. According to attorney Elisabeth Radow, writing for the New York Bar Association Journal, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac have purchased or guaranteed more than 65 percent of all new home mortgages in this country. Which means that these entities hold more than $6.7 trillion dollars worth of home loans that they have packaged and pushed to mostly institutional investors such as pension funds or investment banks and their clients. Because of their fiduciary role in secondary mortgage market investing, it is in the interest of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to establish certain guidelines for home mortgages that decrease the risk for future lost value and/or default, and they have done so. It is here, at the secondary market’s intersection of home mortgages and

downstream investor interests, that fracking and the shale oil/gas boom become a substantial threat to the entire system as it’s currently built. In laymen’s terms, in order to control risk for its investors, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac have established rules that do not allow them to purchase home mortgages on properties that are engaged in industrial activities that deal with, among other things, the transport or storage of toxic substances such as chemicals, oil and gas products or radioactive materials. Nor do they allow for the transportation of such materials on their properties. In addition, all mortgages have a standard clause that does not allow homeowners to sell or lease any part of the property without permission from the mortgage holder. To sum it up, property owners can’t do anything that risks decreasing the value of their property without the permission of the mortgage holder. All of these mortgage “don’ts” are, to one degree or another, encompassed within the current conflict between oil and gas shale development and the mortgage markets. Fracking horizontal wells in shale formations entails pumping millions of gallons of water, toxic chemicals and sand into and under properties that have mortgages likely owned by the secondary market. Holding ponds on the surface contain millions of gallons of chemical slurries during the drilling process. Produced water that flows to the surface along with the gas and oil is briny, radioactive and contains some fracking chemicals and other contaminants. Once wells are producing, permanent easements for pipelines, truck transport and production platforms with their storage tanks to hold oil and other produced liquids are put in place. Spills happen, accidents occur. In short, all of these oil and gas activities, if conducted on or even near a mortgaged property, have the potential to put the mortgage into technical default. At this time, the primary markets have no incentive to start calling in loans. The last thing these banks need is to become the owner of large quantities of real estate that has lost much of its value due to oil and gas extraction activity. But depending on what happens in the secondary mortgage market,

local lenders may have little choice. The potential actions of the secondary market are far less predictable than those in the primary market. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac have an obligation to protect the quality of the mortgage packages they have sold to investors. They also have the right to demand that the originating bank buy back any mortgages that were sold into the secondary market that did not meet Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac’s stated requirements concerning hazardous activity. At this point, it is impossible to know just how many of the mortgages in the secondary market are in potential technical default due to oil and gas shale development and fracking. That’s because until fairly recently, no one in either mortgage market was paying much attention to how the shale boom was negatively affecting property values or how it might be causing technical defaults on tens of thousands of mortgages. While we don’t know an exact number of endangered mortgages, we do know that the number is going up rapidly, as illustrated by what has happened in Johnson County, Texas, and other population centers where fracking has taken hold. If it’s 20 percent of the mortgages in the secondary market that are at risk, then $1.2 trillion worth of real estate mortgages could be in trouble. If it’s 5 percent, then $335 billion could be in technical default. Whatever the percentage, these are serious numbers for the federal government and the banks. Any mortgage on a property where the homeowner has signed an oil and gas lease without first gaining the mortgage holder’s permission could be called, forcing the homeowner to pay off the loan or vacate the property. Most homeowners are unaware that they need their mortgage holder’s permission before they can execute leases on their own property. Most oil and gas companies don’t tell potential lessors about the mortgage requirement because they know that mortgage holders are more likely than not these days to say “no” to an oil and gas lease that lenders understand is most likely going to lower the value of the property that See FRACKING Page 18

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18 December 19, 2013

news FRACKING from Page 17

serves as their collateral. Even if a homeowner refuses to sign an oil and gas lease on her property, in most states the company doing the drilling can “force pool” the landowner into a well’s spaced unit as long as they pay them the oil and gas royalties that would have been due to them had they signed a lease. Even being force pooled against their will can put a homeowner into technical default of their mortgage and therefore at the mercy of the lender. These are only some of the conflicts that now exist for homeowners who already have a mortgage on their property. The larger concern for the real estate market going forward in at least 34 states is that many lenders may simply stop lending in many places due to oil and gas activity — or just the fear it may come. Not only are banks starting to refuse to make mortgage loans near oil and gas shale plays, title insurance companies are also starting to exempt any potential losses stemming from unforeseen problems rising from oil and gas development, and that leaves the lenders at greater risk. And homeowner’s insurance, which is also a requirement for getting a mortgage, is likewise getting harder to buy in shale gas plays where spills, small earthquakes, contaminated water and other potentially disastrous things are causing insurers to think twice. Local banks and credit unions are just now realizing the exposure they have already inadvertently taken on due to the oil and gas industry’s encroachment into populated areas where they have previously made loans now mostly controlled by the secondary mortgage market. They are also just beginning to grasp the potential exposure they could still incur should they make loans in any area where oil and gas shale drilling activity is now taking place or could take place in the future. This is no longer a hypothetical problem for the real estate market. Homeowners across the nation are starting to report that banks are refusing to offer mortgages on their property even if the property doesn’t have an oil and gas lease on it. They are being turned down simply because there is drilling activity in their area. Some lending institutions are taking it a step further, refusing to make loans on any property where the mineral ownership has been severed from the surface ownership and is now owned by a third party outside the lender’s control, and this is even happening in areas with no history of oil and gas development. Some homeowners have even

been rejected when they tried to refinance existing loans in areas near properties with drilling activity. In writing for the New York State Bar Association Journal, Radow, who has brought many of these mortgage-market concerns to the attention of federal regulators, described what has happened of late in her neck of the woods near the Marcellus Shale. “Bank of America, Wells Fargo, Provident Funding, GMAC, FNCB, Fidelity and First Liberty, First Place Bank, Solvay Bank, Tompkins Trust Company, CFCU Community Credit Union and others are either imposing large buffer zones (too large for many borrowers) around the home as a condition to the loan or not granting a mortgage at all,” she wrote. “Once lenders connect the ‘no hazardous activity’ clause in the mortgage with the mounting uptick in uninsurable events from residential fracking, this policy can be expected to expand. Originating lenders with gas industry business relationships may decide to assume the risk, make mortgage loans to homeowners with gas leases and keep the non-conforming loans in their own loan portfolio. However, there is a limit to what an originating bank can keep in its own loan portfolio. Eventually, cash infusions from the secondary mortgage market will become a necessity, and secondary mortgage market lending guidelines will be a reality. If homeowners with gas leases can’t mortgage their property, they probably can’t sell their property either (this assumes the purchaser will need mortgage financing to fund the purchase). The inability to sell one’s home may represent the most pervasive adverse impact of residential fracking.” Boulder County and the entire Front Range of Colorado are in the middle of today’s fracking/real estate conundrum. But unlike many other regions, Front Range citizens are fortunate enough to have taken steps in the form of passing fracking moratoriums and bans that are currently protecting them from the economic disaster of lost home values. Hopefully, the time that has been bought by these measures will be used to find permanent solutions to the conundrum, before the flood of drilling rigs just waiting to be unleashed has the opportunity to strip away potentially billions of dollars in wealth from area homeowners — families that currently have no recourse to force the party that has damaged them to pay one penny of their loss. Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com Boulder Weekly

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f you’re an eco-conscious sider purchasing an commuter, the holiday “Advancing Clean Energy” travel may grow your license plate, because proceeds carbon footprint a few further offset your vehicle sizes — but if you’re also travel. But perhaps the key to an eco-conscious gift-giver, having a real impact is to then ’tis the season to considthink of it as a symbol of a er carbon offsets in your holicommitment to a small-footday shopping. print lifestyle, not a “license” Yet despite the name “offto spew more carbon dioxide set” — which can mean to into the atmosphere. “cancel out,” “neutralize” or However, Roger Pielke, “redeem,” among other definiJr., author of The Climate Fix tions — it may be more help— a critical look at climate ful to consider carbon offsets change science and policy — as a long-term investment in and professor of environmenreducing global greenhouse tal studies at CU-Boulder, gas emissions, rather than a says that essentially, that’s write-off of the greenhouse what offsets have tended to gases that your road trip or be. plane trip have left in their “Carbon offsets are a way Holiday travel can significantly increase a person’s annual carbon footprint and while purchasing offsets can wake. Think of them, perto assuage guilt by those who ease the conscience, they shouldn’t be considered a one-for-one reduction in greenhouse gas emissions. like to engage in emissionshaps, as part of a holistic intensive activities and have approach to a climate-conscious lifestyle. spare cash,” Pielke says. “They “There comes a point have no effect on global emiswhere you can only take so sions or climate change. They many steps yourself, and that’s are a modern-day form of reliwhere we typically see offsets gious indulgence.” coming into play,” says Zakreski acknowledges Sheldon Zakreski, director of that carbon offsets cannot Portland-based Climate Trust. “You’ve the state. Projects range from solar hot tor gives a good sense of your overall offer a precise, one-to-one, carbon-neudone the best that you can by technolowater and solar panels to organic waste impact. You can choose to offset your tralizing tradeoff. But he stands by their gy-switching and behavior changes, and composting and landfill methane capvehicle, air travel, home, or a combinavalue as part of the climate solution. to further address your emissions, you ture. They benefit public recreation facil- tion of all three, either using specific “They’re definitely not a panacea,” he can invest in a carbon offset project.” ities, affordable housing projects and personal data or U.S. average data. says, and challenges the idea that only The nonprofit Climate Trust supother local community initiatives. There’s even an average calculation for a the wealthy and guilty buy offsets, as ports a number of carbon offset activiThe Colorado Carbon Fund offset dorm room — ideal for students at ecoopposed to those trying to take their clities, including the Colorado Carbon calculator helps you measure your carbon conscious University of Colorado mate-conscious lifestyle a step further, Fund — a program Zakreski says is one- footprint — or rather, to estimate it, Boulder, which is partnering with the regardless of income. And in the modern of-a-kind in the nation, offering since even the most complex algorithms Colorado Carbon Fund this year to offcarbon offset market, there are ways to Coloradans a way to offset their personal can’t precisely calculate all the direct and set all student-run buildings on campus. ensure that your offset purchase is actugreenhouse gas emissions by investing in indirect sources of greenhouse gases Once you offset through the climate-friendly projects right here in from a single person — but the calculaColorado Carbon Fund, you may conSee OFFSETS Page

Offset not a free pass

Purchasing credits doesn’t cancel emissions, but can contribute to reducing climate change by Christi Turner

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boulderganic

OFFSETS from Page 21

ally invested in reducing greenhouse gases in a meaningful and sustainable way. Whether it’s the Colorado Carbon Fund or another initiative, Zakreski says it’s important to look for a program that is third-party certified. At the Colorado Carbon Fund, the offsets generated by investment projects are closely monitored, verified by independent third-party groups and regulated via third-party certification standards, such as those developed by the Climate Action Reserve, a leading offset registry serving the carbon offset market. Other recognized third-party certified options include TerraPass, Sterling Planet and 3Degrees (for businesses). To learn more before you offset, The Carbon Fund’s Responsible Purchasing Guide provides an in-depth understanding of the carbon offset industry’s best practices. “In the absence of really strict limitations on carbon pollution, it’s important to act now,” says Kasey Krifka, marketing and communications director at Climate Trust. And as for the naysayers? “They’re kind of throwing their hands in the air and saying, ‘Well, we can’t find a perfect solution so we’re just not going to do it,’” Krifka says. “But reducing emissions and climate impacts is important to do now. There are consequences to not doing it now.” But if you reside in the People’s Republic of Boulder, then you probably already know that — and you also already pay one of the only municipal carbon taxes on the planet, and probably make a host of other personal decisions toward reducing your impact on the climate. So no need for a sense of guilt and desire for redemption to guide your carbon offset decisions this holiday — rather, a sense of personal responsibility, an acknowledgment of your small contribution to the problem, and your ability to be a meaningful part of the solution. Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com

eco-briefs

by Boulder Weekly staff Roy Anderson, U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service

FUEL EFFICIENCY IN VEHICLES CONTINUING SLOW INCREASE

A report from the Environmental Protection Agency shows that in 2012 the average fuel economy of vehicles sold in the U.S. reached an all-time high of 23.6 miles per gallon. That’s a 1.2 mile-per-gallon increase over the 2011 average. “Today’s new vehicles are cleaner and more fuel-efficient than ever, saving American families money at the gas pump and helping to keep the air that we breathe cleaner,” Janet McCabe, acting assistant administrator for EPA’s Office of Air and Radiation said in a press release. Wolverine habitat could be reduced by 63 percent by 2085. “Each year new technologies are coming on line to keep driving these describe wolverine habitat and estimates of the positive trends toward greater and greater efexpected effects climate change will have on ficiency.” that habitat. In seven of the past eight years, average Wolverines are said to resemble small bears fuel economy has increased. That trend is with bushy tails — they’re actually cousins to otexpected to continue as the Obama administers, weasels and mink. Females weigh between tration pushes its National Clean Car Program 17 and 26 pounds and males between 26 and standards, which calls for doubled fuel econo40 pounds. Their short legs and wide feet are my by 2025, cutting greenhouse gas emissions made for snow travel, and each foot has semiin half. Preliminary projections for 2013 indicate retractile claws used for digging and climbing. that fuel economy for 2013 is expected to Wolverines live primarily in boreal forests, increase by 0.4 miles per gallon. tundra and the western mountains of Alaska Since 2008, the average fuel economy for and Canada, and were extirpated from the cars has increased 2.6 miles per gallon, or 12 lower 48 states in the early 1900s, but have percent. been slowly re-establishing populations in the contiguous U.S. They’re now found in the North Cascades in Washington and the Northern DEADLINE FOR ADDING WOLVERINES TO Rocky Mountains in Idaho, Montana, Oregon ENDANGERED SPECIES LIST EXTENDED and Wyoming. After encountering significant disagreement They rely on deep, persistent spring snow about the science used to draft its proposal for dens, particularly for raising young. The loss for listing the wolverine as threatened under of that snowpack may expose wolverine kits the Endangered Species Act, the U.S. Fish and to predators. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service Wildlife Service has announced an extenestimates that habitat may be reduced by 31 sion of the deadline for that decision and a percent by 2045 and 63 percent by 2085. reopened comment period. Peer reviewers of Comments on the proposal can be submitthe proposed rule to list wolverines as threatted at www.regulations.gov. ened were critical of the information used to Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com

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adventure

Lincoln Hauser

An adventure continues

Boulder author Gail Storey on the next steps after the PCT by James Dziezynski

oulder-based author Gail Storey’s nonfiction book I Promise Not to Suffer: A Fool for Love Hikes the Pacific Crest Trail recently won the 2013 National Outdoor Book Award for best outdoor literature. In it, she recounts a summer of hiking the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT) with her husband, Porter. Boulder Weekly sat down with Storey to learn more about the genesis of her adventures and what’s next on her agenda.

Author Gail Storey says she’s still a tiara-wearing dinner party hostess after hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. What changed is her relationship to nature.

Boulder Weekly

BW: How has your experience from the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT) shaped your life? Storey: Hiking the Pacific Crest Trail completely transformed our lives on every level — physically, emotionally, even spiritually. Porter and I have, each in our own ways, been adventurers our whole lives, but setting out on the 2,663-mile PCT from the border of Mexico to Canada was a different order of magnitude. Porter’s adventures have been chiefly physical — skiing, climbing, mountaineering and biking, where mine have been emotional. I never met an emotion I didn’t like! We hiked 20 miles a day up and down the steep mountains of

California, Oregon and Washington; nearly died of thirst in the Mojave; kicked steps up icy slopes in the High Sierra; tried not to drown fording rapids; encountered a mountain lion and stumbled through lava fields and boulders as well as the landscape of our ever-shifting feelings. The first line of I Promise Not to Suffer: A Fool for Love Hikes the Pacific Crest Trail is “I never much cared for nature, or rather, thought it okay as long as it stayed outside.” The book is an exposé of how nature turned me inside-out to deeply understand how nature cares for us. see STOREY Page 26

December 19, 2013 25

Upcoming Events

STOREY from Page 25

We had sold our house, my red RX-7, and most of our possessions to hike the Pacific Crest Trail, and as soon as we finished the hike, moved from Houston to Boulder to live in deeper harmony with nature and wilderness. I’m still the tiara-wearing dinner party hostess I’ve always been, but I hike most days, and Porter bikes to work an hour each way, even in snow on studded bike tires. We remodeled an older house according to green values — photovoltaic and thermal solar energy, with a meadow of native grasses and trees.

wings of the butterfly Porter envisioned as an overlay on the United States, and hiked the outer wings — the Appalachian Trail and the Pacific Crest Trail. We’d also like to hike and bike the Continental Divide Trail, 3,100 miles from Mexico to Canada, in various combinations of our own devising. Porter may bike part of it on his mountain bike, with me as his support from various towns along the way. I envision it as a moveable meditation retreat, a self-guided pilgrimage from trailIF YOU GO: Gail Storey is the head to trailhead, author of I Promise Not to Suffer: A Many people intermittently joinFool for Love Hikes the Pacific Crest Trail, winner of the National consider the PCT ing Porter to hike Outdoor Book Award, as well as a trip of a lifetime, with him. We the Barbara Savage Award from Mountaineers Books. Her website, yet it seems like would sometimes including book trailer, is at gailstoyou have more be alone, somerey.com. Gail will be at Boulder Book Store on Saturday, Dec. 21, adventures in times together in from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. to inscribe our coupled solistore. What’s next? copies of her book. tude, but always in Sometimes it relationship with seems our lives are the natural world almost too filled within and around with adventure. us. Most recently, the Boulder flood demolWe’re big on planning and organizished our entire downstairs. We credit ing, but we try to remain open to “what the resilience we developed on our hike of the Pacific Crest Trail with helping wants to happen.” We try to live conus survive under primitive living condisciously and to see what nature and tions and throughout our home’s recon- awareness supports. struction. Just as on the Pacific Crest Trail we carried only the gear we needed Would you mind explaining what in our ultra-light backpacks, mine 11 makes you a fool for love? And how pounds and Porter’s 12, fully loaded did your husband Porter influence except for food and water, we used the your philosophy? loss of so much “stuff ” in the flood to I met Porter at a small dinner party pare down and simplify our lives. in Houston, where we both lived at the We have two big outdoor adventime. The only doctor at his hospice, tures in our sights, but don’t have a he spent the entire dinner on the timeline for them yet, since Porter and phone helping a dying patient with I are each at the peak of our careers. brain metastases, a gun and a freakedOne is a self-supported bicycle trip on out wife. I figured if he could cope our tandem from Seattle to Boulder, the with that, he could probably cope with final leg of our “Butterfly route.” We’ve me. It was love at first fright! We had already bicycled three of the inner a turbulent courtship because of the

photo courtesy of Copper Mountain

The world’s best freeskiers and snowboarders come to Copper Mountain this week to put themselves to the test and push for a spot in the 2014 Olympics at the USSA Grand Prix, one of the largest winter sports tours in the country. The competition is a chance to see snowboarding greats Greg Bretz, Kelly Clark and Arielle Gold on the halfpipe and Chas Guldemond, Sage Kotsenburg, Jamie Anderson, Jordie Karlinski and Jessika Jenson in the slopestyle competition. THURSDAY, DECEMBER 19 An Evening of Skiing Stories and Poetry with David Rothman. 8 p.m. Neptune Mountaineering, 633 South Broadway, Boulder, 303-499-8866. Nederland Ice Rink — Open Skate 9:30 a.m.–1:45 p.m. and 6:45–9:30 p.m. Nederland Ice & Racquet Park, 750 Indian Peaks Drive, Nederland, www.nedrink.org. USAA Grand Prix — Freeskiers and snowboarders compete to qualify for the 2014 Olympics. Copper Mountain, 209 Ten Mile Circle, Copper Mountain, www.coppercolorado.com. Through Sunday, Dec. 22. FRIDAY, DECEMBER 20 Winterskate. 10 a.m. – 10 p.m. Twenty Ninth Street mall central plaza, 1710 29th St., Boulder, www.twentyninthstreet.com.

perfect complementarity of our respective conditioning, detailed in my book. We married because of an inner knowing that we were meant to be together. In a crisis in his work as a hospice physician, he longed for profound renewal in nature’s cycles of birth, death and growth. Although I hadn’t

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 21 Holiday Hike on OSMP — With caroling, lights and hot chocolate. 6 p.m. Chautauqua Ranger Cottage, 900 Baseline Road, Boulder, www.naturehikes. org. Ugly Sweater Run. 11 a.m. Downtown Denver, 20th and Market streets, Denver, www.theuglysweaterrun. com. Winter Solstice Snowshoeing. 9 a.m. Echo Lake, register through REI at www.rei.com. Stick and Puck Hockey. 5:15 p.m. Nederland Ice & Racquet Park, 750 Indian Peaks Drive, Nederland, www.nedrink.org. To list your event, send information to: editorial@boulderweekly.com. attn: “Adventure.”

hiked or camped before, I wanted to understand what drew him to the wilderness. It was on our hike of the Pacific Crest Trail, after 17 years of marriage, that we really fell deeply in love. Despite the extraordinary disparisee STOREY Page 28

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Boulder Weekly

photo courtesy of Gail Storey

Storey says it was while hiking the Pacific Crest Trail with her husband, 17 years after they got married, that they really fell in love. They’re now planning adventures on a tandem bicycle and another through-hike.

adventure STOREY from Page 26

ties in our hiking paces and abilities, we learned to trust each other in ways that crises allow. Our love affair is constantly evolving to suit the needs of our work and our responsibilities to the community, local and global. Porter’s work as a national leader in hospice and palliative medicine has intensified in his role as executive vice president of the American Academy of Hospice and Palliative Medicine, as well as a palliative care physician for Colorado Permanente at Good Samaritan Hospital. I’m well-suited to be the wife of a man with so emotionally intense a life’s work. Porter is exceptionally capable as what we call my “full-service author escort,” traveling with me when possible to my book events all over the country, running the projector for our book trailer and slideshow, not to mention taking me out to dinner to unwind after our presentations. Bless his heart!

How have the people you met on the trail and at your book shows changed you, or what have you learned from them? Most of us through-hikers don’t really care about money or status; we’re driven by a search for a truth that even as we’re seeking, is trying to find us. By going out into the wilderness, come what may, we’re making ourselves available to who we are in our deepest being. I cherish the connection, through my book, with kindred spirits — hikers and non-hikers, but lovers and pilgrims all. Through their questions at our book presentations, about how to go ultra-light whether in gear or through the world, I recognize them as my teachers. And I know Porter feels the same way. At heart, I Promise Not to Suffer: A Fool for Love Hikes the Pacific Crest Trail is a story not just about how Porter and I managed to stay married while hiking several months over so challenging a trail, but the inherent lovability of each of us and everyone we’ve ever known or ever will. Finally, how valuable is travel and adventure for you now? Adventure is woven into the fabric of our being. Wilderness adventure in particular allows for the deconstruction of the physical self and an emotional rawness that unravels psychological conditioning and spiritual concepts. What, or who, is left? Now that’s a mystery worth living. Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com 28 December 19, 2013

Boulder Weekly

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buzz White

Don’t make me choose! The top 10 and worst five movies of 2013

Hous

e Dow n

by Ryan Syrek

his is the worst because it’s the best. Let me explain. The only thing worse than years virtually free of good movies are years when I could make a top 10 list from the films I cut from my final top 10 list. What I’m sayin’ is: 2013 was real, real good, y’all. For the love! American Hustle, Saving Mr. Banks, Inside Llewyn Davis, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, Her, The Wolf of Wall Street and August: Osage County didn’t even screen yet, and my list was still 10 pounds of awesome in a five-pound bag. Check out Movieha.libysn.com in January for my final list, likely to include some of those unreleased films. For now, let’s slap ordered numbers on magnificent achievements of artistic expression!

ng t of Killi The Ac

Boulder Weekly

THE WORST FIVE MOVIES When people say “it must be nice to get paid to watch movies,” I remind them I had to watch the following movies and then show them my paycheck and ask if it’s worth it. The five movies that made me rethink my life choices this year: 5) White House Down — I know, it

seems impossible, but the Channing Tatum/Jamie Foxx movie directed by the guy who did 2013 was really stupid. 4) The Incredible Burt Wonderstone — This is why you can’t be famous any more, Jim Carrey. Unfunny, insulting and a complete waste of Olivia Wilde. Unforgivable. 3) The Hangover Part III — When I saw this vile, insipid excuse for entertainment, I was certain it was the worst film I’d see this year. This franchise is like comedy herpes. 2) The Lone Ranger — This film is not on this list just because it’s stupid. It’s on this list because it contains the most offensive Native American material not worn by Robert Griffith III. 1) The Counselor — Cameron Diaz has sex with a car. The movie is directionless, nonsensical, misogynistic and ugly. And Cameron Diaz has sex … with a car. THE TOP 10 FILMS OF 2013 10) Before Midnight — When Before Sunrise hit in 1995, nobody see MOVIES Page 34

December 19, 2013 31

buzz MOVIES from Page 31

could have guessed that 18 years later, the final installment in this most unlikely trilogy would rank among the most thoughtful and entertaining contemplations on love. 9) The Hunger Games: Catching Fire — Wowza! With an overt metaphor and a supposed target demographic of “tween girls,” there was no reason to expect the kind of emotionally resonant and thrilling material this sequel delivers. This was a wonderfully acted, socially aware box office dynamite led by a vital female lead. More please. 8) The World’s End — If you haven’t enjoyed Simon Pegg and Nick Frost’s three films with director Edgar Wright, we can’t be friends. Their final effort is somehow sincere and satirical, clever and compelling, brilliant and badass. It even manages to make a wonderful statement on the immobilizing nature of nostalgia. I’ll drink to that. 7) Blancanieves Before Midnight — Go back in time and tell me that a silent, black-andwhite version of “Snow White” set in the 1920s in Seville, Spain, with a backdrop of bullfighting would make my top 10 and see how I react, because I’m curious. Unlike The Artist, a cloying Spring Breakers silent film about silent films, Blancanieves is proof that a gifted artist can still simply use this genre to absolute perfection. 6) The Act of Killing — Of all the moments I’ll remember from this year in film, the sound of confessed genocidal murderer Anwar Congo retching as he realizes his crimes is right there at the top. This documentary is unlike anything I’ve ever seen, in that it uses art and cinema to obtain a confession that few have ever made. Unreal. 5) Ain’t Them Bodies Saints — “This happened in Texas.” So begins a modern outlaw romantic tragedy unlike anything else on screen this year. Casey Affleck and Rooney Mara are soulbound lovers whose union can only 34 December 19, 2013

result in death and destruction all around them. Epic, lyrical and positively spellbinding. 4) Fruitvale Station — Empathy. That’s what director Ryan Coogler’s dramatization of the real-life tragedy that befell Oscar Grant is all about. With one of the year’s best performances from Michael B. Jordan, the movie gives context to a country that still has an open wound caused by the Trayvon Martin incident. This is must-see material.

g Fire

in : Catch

The

Games Hunger

3) 12 Years a Slave — Speaking of “must see …” This hurts. It bites and stings, plays like a horror movie, captivates with perfect performances stacked on top of one another and serves as a dramatic window to a past we like to shut the curtains on. You have to see this at least once. It should be some kind of law. 2) Spring Breakers — Simultaneously a skewering of the debauched misogyny that permeates youth culture and a creepy character study of what it means to “be bad,” Spring Breakers is one of the most visually potent, dynamic films in recent memory. It also helps that it features a performance from James Franco that is bar-none the year’s best. 1) Upstream Color — Oh, Shane Carruth, how you torture me. Ages after his Primer became one of my favorite sci-fi films, his sophomore effort comes out and rocks me to my core. It’s a thoughtful exploration of the disintegration of personal identity in relationships, a mysterious thriller and a spiritual contemplation of human connectivity. And it’s all about pigs. HONORABLE MENTIONS In any other year, the following would have been in my final list: Side Effects was a brilliant and twisty potboiler; To the Wonder was a beautiful love poem; Iron Man 3 was fun and fresh; The We and the I was raw and real; Man of Steel finally made Superman interest-

The Wo rld’s En d

Fruitvale

Station

12 Years a Slave

ing; The East was a thriller with a conscience (and Brit Marling, which always helps); Fill the Void was an intimate Hasidic moral morass; A Hijacking made Captain Phillips look like amateur hour; Frozen is a modern Disney classic;

Gravity was weighty weightlessness; and Only God Forgives was weird and awesome. Sorry to all of these awesome films. This doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com Boulder Weekly

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Boulder Weekly

overtones James Martin

Hard Working Americans roll into Boulder on Dec. 20, touring on the strength of reinvented covers chosen by Todd Snider.

A different look at standards

Hard Working Americans take a sad song and make it different

by Dave Kirby

odd Snider seems to be Not so much bleak as carefully spending a lot of time these drawn, the selections here pivot on the days playing someone else’s dispassionate eye for detail that characsongs. terizes Snider’s own work. The red Kind of on the heels of door on the green Cadillac in Kevin last year’s uniquely Snider-esque Jerry Gordon’s “Down to the Well,” the girl Jeff Walker tribute Time As We Know next door’s mother in Kevn Kinney’s It, the Nashville-based songwriter “Straight to Hell,” the weary desperawraps up his 2013 with Hard Working tion of a guy trying to outrun a jailbaiAmericans, a project focused on, well, tin’ rap in BR5-49’s “Run A Mile.” songs by other artists Snider plays the that Snider just really, front man here as ON THE BILL: Hard really likes. vocalist, inhabiting the Working Americans play The project’s title tunes with shitkicker the Boulder Theater on may well have a double abandon (Hayes Carll’s Friday, Dec. 20. Doors at 8 p.m. Tickets are $25 genmeaning, referring as “Stomp and Holler”) eral admission, $30 much to the songs’ or threadbare pathos reserved balcony. original authors work(Randy Newman’s “Mr. Proceeds from the show benefit Foothills Flood President Have Pity ing local circuits or Relief Fund. 2032 14th St., On The Working plying their trade deep Boulder, 303-786-7030. Man”) but the project in the gears of the is at least as much Nashville machine as it about the band itself, does to the protagowhich plays its debut nists in the songs gig Friday night at the Boulder themselves. The songs on the 11-track Theater. Widespread Panic bassist CD (which shelves this coming Dave Schools, who produced the CD, January) all reflect a loosely drawn holds down the bass seat, teamed with undercurrent of the weathered side of Great American Taxi keyboardist Chad contemporary rural roots — the fleeting redemption of honky-tonk nights, Staehly, drummer Duane Trucks exhausted one-streetlight towns, (Derek’s kid brother and nephew of unwilling fugitives from busted-up Butch of Allman Brothers fame) and pasts — and were penned by Snider’s guitarist Neal Casal from Chris friends and peers (Will Kimbrough, Robinson’s band. Staehly and Snider Hayes Karll, Dave Rawlings) as well as have logged many miles together, from some elder heroes (Frankie Miller, tours where Taxi played as Snider’s Randy Newman). backup band, but otherwise this is an Boulder Weekly

outfit that mostly had to learn how to play with each other. We asked Schools if it took him a little while to get used to this enterprise. “Y’know, not really,” he observes. “Sometimes the out-of-the-box things are really the right artist-choice for everyone involved. It think it’s a perfect fit [for Snider]. … He’s such an excellent songwriter himself, and such a real person. “He sort of took a lot of lessons from Jerry Jeff Walker and John Prine, and he has all these contemporaries that he’s really close with, like Will Kimbrough and Gillian Welch, Kevn Kinney and Hayes Carll. Some of them are friends of his and some of them are idols of his, or they’re someone who just wrote a song he thought was an excellent song. “What was great was that he took it a step farther, by being a sort of notorious folk artist, known for speaking his mind, and then doing someone else’s songs by letting go and doing it in a rock band.” Schools talks at length about the band deconstructing the songs down to their essence, their words and their melodies, and then rebuilding them. Not so much covering them as reimagining them. Schools describes his approach in the studio. “Rather than just re-do ’em,” he says, “let’s just break them down, let’s

distill them to their essence … preserve the integrity of the original, but change the rhythm up. Change the key. … The Kevn Kinney song ‘Straight To Hell,’ we totally turned into a gospel tearjerker. And I never would have thought it could have the kind of power that it does until we tried different things with it.” And in a sense, the whole enterprise has one subtle stroke of genius to it. Since none of the original songwriters were present in the studio for the breaking-it-down process, nobody had that sometimes cringe-worthy moment of turning their own creation over to the band. Schools knows this well. “Yeah, it’s a little like having your neighbors dress your kids. “I’m lucky with my experience with Panic, in that there’s always been a tightrope that we walk. No matter how collaborative the writing is, there’s a spark or a genesis of an idea that someone came up with. The level of willingness to give it over to the group mind can change with the wind. “I think always being out on his own, being solely responsible for not only the songwriting but also the way it’s presented, if [Todd] was ready for a break and try something different, he’s been more than willing to share his opinions, and let go when he thinks someone might have a better one.” Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com December 19, 2013 37

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38 December 19, 2013

Boulder Weekly

arts & culture Step right up for holiday fun This Christmas show is a real circus by Gary Zeidner Courtesy of Cirque Productions

cinema dance theatre music comedy THEDAIRY.ORG 26TH & WALNUT Boulder Weekly

(303) 444-7328 BOULDER CO

BEST

n case you hadn’t do a lot worse than Cirque Dreams olo was the citified, high falutin’ cousin noticed, we’re just Holidaze. Heck, if you’re one of the of the Earthier, provincial devil sticks, about up to our many who would rather stick your but this artiste opened my eyes. He did roasty chestnuts in tongue to a frozen flag pole than things with that diabolo that seemed the holiday season. endure more treacley, It’s a Wonderful damn near physically impossible. For Everywhere you turn, Life-type fare, Holidaze isn’t just recme, his performance was one of the bells are jingling, eggs ommended; it’s essential viewing. highlights of the show. are nogging and Santas There are no Christmas Eve redempTo the strains of expected holiare Clausing. Battalions tions or nativity-inspired revelations day tunes, some original ditties and, of be-vested Salvation here, just wall-to-wall circus spectacle oddly, some classic melodies onto Army soldiers stand (or showcasing a sizeable cast of extremely which new lyrics have been grafted, just as often these days talented acrobats, singers, jugglers and Holidaze rolls along presenting, sit) at their grocery store the like hailing from all over the among many other acts, quick posts eager for your spare world. change artists, synchronized jump change. The malls (well, I can’t be sure if it was a stage roping (which is much cooler than it at least the old school, effect, some very unusual perfume — sounds and, yes, includes some indoor malls like possibly Candy Cane by Calvin Double Dutch), hoop work (of both Flatiron Crossing) are Klein — worn by “the man inside” and hula varieties), packed with shoppers the woman in front slacklining and, in the spirit of ON THE BILL: Cirque Dreams searching for the perfect of me or just an Festivus, feats of strength. There’s Holidaze plays through Dec. 22 at the Denver Center for the gift they couldn’t find olfactory hallucina- literally something for everyone in Performing Arts. Tickets are $20tion, but as this notably retro lineup, and every online, and the same set $80. For tickets or information list of Christmas classics Holidaze comperformer on stage is at the top of call 303-893-4100 or visit www. denvercenter.org. — from Nat King Cole menced I swear I his or her game. and Burl Ives to the could smell pepperIf you happen to be allergic to reliJackson 5 and Band Aid mint. Perhaps my gion, fear not, because Holidaze is — pours forth from mind was being warped by the giant about as secular as it gets. Sure, there is Cirque Dreams Holidaze provides a great escape from the every speaker in every nutcrackers flanking a stage filled to one routine set to “Holy Night,” but holiday humdrum. store. brimming with festive holiday other than that it’s as if Cirque Dreams With Hanukkah emblems? went out of its way to keep the Christ intersecting with Thanksgiving this year have us all in their unrelentingly cheerHolidaze gets right to the deeds of out of Christmas. The goal — and it’s and thus long over, all the menorahs ful grip. The once-a-year relatives are derring-do with a pair of stilt-walking one the show achieves — appears to and dreidels have been stowed away for on the way. The kids are about to be jugglers. If you’ve ever tried to juggle, have been to entertain and astound PMS 4625 466 PMS 579 484 PMS 471 PMS 631 another year — except at the Palin home from school for the better part of you know that it’s not nearly asPMS easy as PMS 576without thePMSburden of messaging of house where, apparently, Sarah keeps a month. The Christmas tree just it looks, and doing it on stilts seems to any sort, and I’m betting there are them on display for the entire month of caught fire Hunger Games-style in the me about like trying to play cribbage in scads of people out there who will December in a stupefyingly misguided living room. You could use a break lest the nude while skiing a black diamond appreciate that. A perfect option for bid for cross-cultural cachet. But you become holidazed and confused. during a blizzard … at night. Soon children of all ages, Holidaze will Christmas, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, New For a couple of hours respite from thereafter, a master of the diabolo takes enchant and delight you. Year’s and the rest of their holly jolly ilk all of the holiday hullabaloo, you could the stage. I’ve always felt that the diabRespond: letters@boulderweekly.com

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14TH & PEARL • BOULDER

JUST ANNOUNCED

JUST ANNOUNCED FEB 6 ............ MOVIE: BOB MARLEY “THE MAKING OF A LEGEND” APR 11 & APR 12 ........................................ G. LOVE & SPECIAL SAUCE

WESTWORD, 1190’S BASEMENTALISM AND TWIST & SHOUT PRESENT

2 NIGHT NEW YEAR’S EVE RUN

BROTHER ALI

THE REMINDERS, DJ LAZY EYEZ & DEM ATLAS THURS. DEC 19 8:30 PM THE DANKLES PRESENTS

MAYHEM

W/ HPNTK, MR. VANDAL & SHORT FUSED FRI. DEC 20 8:30 PM RED BULL & COLORADO DAILY PRESENT

MR. ANONYMOUS X-MAS PARTY W/ HIGHWAY 50

SAT. DEC 21 9:00 PM

DJ SOMETHING BIG

BECKS & WRIGHTEOUS AND HARRIS COLE SAT. DEC 28 8:30 PM THISSONGISSICK & COLORADO DAILY PRESENT

HARD WORKING AMERICANS FT. TODD SNIDER, DAVE SCHOOLS, NEAL CASAL, CHAD STAEHLY & DUANE TRUCKS W/ HAYES CARLL SAT. DEC 21 1:00/6:00 PM ROCKY MOUNTAIN REVELS PRESENTS

THE CHRISTMAS REVELS CHRISTMAS SPIRITS & THE GHOSTS OF BARTOW-PELL FRI. JAN 10 7:30 PM / 21+

LEFTAPALOOZA SAT. JAN 11 7:30 PM

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TURKUAZ & SPRINGDALE QUARTET

MUSCLE SHOALS THURS. JAN 16 7:00 PM

COLLECTIVE SOUL FRI. JAN 17 & SAT. JAN 18 8:30 PM 1190’S BASEMENTALISM & ROOSTER PRESENT

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IN DUE TIME

SUN. JAN 19 7:00 PM / 21+

FRI. JAN 10 8:30 PM

DAILY CAMERA AND TWIST & SHOUT PRESENT

THE PAMLICO SOUND & INTUIT

(KENNY LOGGINS, GEORGIA MIDDLEMAN & GARY BURR)

THE SYMBOLS

SAT. JAN 11 8:30 PM BOULDER WEEKLY AND TWIST & SHOUT PRESENT

ROCKY MOUNTAIN GRATEFUL DEAD REVIEW

FT. ROB EATON (OF DARK STAR ORCHESTRA) THURS. JAN 16 8:30 PM BOULDER WEEKLY PRESENTS

NAIVE MELODIES

PERFORMING MUSIC OF TALKING HEADS W/ THE GOONIES & NEPTUNE’S ONLY DAUGHTER FRI. JAN 17 8:30 PM COLORADO DAILY AND TWIST & SHOUT PRESENT

THE NICK HEXUM QUINTET (311) SAT. JAN 18 8:30 PM COLORADO DAILY PRESENTS

ROBOTIC PIRATE MONKEY TERRAVITA

THURS. JAN 23 8:30 PM CROWDSURF CONCERT & COLORADO DAILY PRESENT

ALL AGES

FRI. DEC 20 8:00 PM BOEDECKER FOUNDATION, 97.3 KBCO, ODELL BREWING CO, BOULDER WEEKLY & MARQUEE PRESENT

SAT. JAN 4 8:30 PM

THURS. JAN 9 8:30 PM

SHOW 9:00PM

SPECIAL GUESTS SAM BUSH, JERRY DOUGLAS, FUTUREMAN & ROOSEVELT COLLIER **DEC 27, 28, 29, 30 & 31**

VINNIE MANISCALCO & BEARSOHMY

CAPTAIN EARTH, YOUTH IN ASIA & EMERALD C

40 December 19, 2013

97.3 KBCO & BOULDER WEEKLY PRESENT

YONDER MTN STRING BAND

FT. RUSH ARCHIVES, ECLIPSE & HEY LADY!

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BLUE SKY RIDERS SAT. JAN 25 7:30 PM

COLORADO DAILY & REGGAE MOVEMENT PRESENT

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THROUGH THE ROOTS & MYSTIC ROOTS W/ WAKANE’ FRI. JAN 31 7:00 PM KGNU, DAILY CAMERA AND TWIST & SHOUT PRESENT

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MAN OF CONSTANT SORROW FAREWELL TOUR WED. FEB 5 7:00 PM COMEDY 103.1 & ROOSTER PRESENT

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SECOND CITY IMPROV WED. FEB 12 7:30 PM 97.3 KBCO & BOULDER WEEKLY PRESENT

LOS LONELY BOYS THURS. FEB 20 7:00 PM 97.3 KBCO & DAILY CAMERA PRESENT

AN EVENING WITH

LEO KOTTKE SAT. FEB 22 8:00 PM 97.3 KBCO & BOULDER WEEKLY PRESENT

KARL DENSON’S TINY UNIVERSE

MOON TAXI

PRESENTS A RAY CHARLES BOOGALOO DANCE PARTY W/ ZACH DEPUTY

JAN 29 ................................................................................... DOPAPOD & KUNG FU JAN 31 .............................................................................................................. PEPPER FEB 5 ......................................................................................... JONATHAN WILSON FEB 8 ........................................................................................................ NA’AN STOP FEB 14 & 15 .................................................................................................... IRATION FEB 17 ........................................................................................................... MAN MAN FEB 18 ................................................................................................... 12TH PLANET FEB 19 ............................................................................................................... J BOOG FEB 21 ................................................................................................. EL TEN ELEVEN

FEB 27 ........................................................... PRESERVATION HALL JAZZ BAND FEB 28 .......................................................................... STEEP CANYON RANGERS MAR 1 ........................................................................................................... KEB’ MO’ MAR 8 ............................................................................................................ DR. DOG MAR 9 ................................................................. LADYSMITH BLACK MAMBAZO MAR 14 .............................................................................................. MIKE GORDON MAR 28 & MAR 29 ....................................................... DARK STAR ORCHESTRA MAR 30 .............................................................................. NEUTRAL MILK HOTEL

Boulder Weekly

LIZA, SONYA VALLET, NICK URATA and more

& PEARL • BOULDER

SEE FULL EVENT LISTINGS ONLINE, INCLUDING HAPPY HOURS. To have an event considered for the calendar, send information to calendar@ boulderweekly.com. Please be sure to include address, date, time and phone number associated with each event. The deadline for consideration is Thursday at noon the week prior to publication. Boulder Weekly does not guarantee the publication of any event.

303.786.7030

Courtesey of Janet Braccio

THE CHRISTMAS REVELS’ CHRISTMAS SPIRITS. Saturday, Dec. 21, 2 p.m. and 7 p.m. Boulder Theater, 2032 14th St., Boulder, 303-786-7030.

Thursday, December 19

events

music

Robinson Crusoe’s Most Excellent Adventure. 10 a.m. Boulder’s Dinner Theatre, 5501 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder, 303-449-6000.

Danny Shafer. 5:30 p.m. Oskar Blues Homemade Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road., Longmont, 303-485-9400. Ginga. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628. The Jack Hadley Band. 7:30 p.m. Boulder Outlook Hotel & Home of the Blues, 800 28th St., Boulder, 303-443-3322. The Lowest Pair. 7:30 p.m. Swallow Hill Music Café, 71 E. Yale Ave., Denver, 303777-1003. Mayhem. 9 p.m. Fox Theatre, 1128 13th St., Boulder, 303-447-0095. Melissa McGinley. 7:30 p.m. Larry’s Guitar Shop, 508 5th Ave., Longmont. Open Mic. 7 p.m. Dickens Opera House, 300 Main Street, Longmont, 720-2976397. The Pamlico Sound. 10 p.m. Press Play, 1005 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-442-2176. Policulture. 10 p.m. The Lazy Dog, 1346 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-3355. Purple Squirrel. 8 p.m. Caffè Sole, 637 S. Broadway, Boulder, 303-499-2985. Robinson Quintet. 6:30 p.m. St Julien Hotel, 900 Walnut St., Boulder, 720-4069696. Smack Thompson. 10 p.m. Conor O’Neill’s Irish Pub, 1922 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-1922. Todd Adelman and the Love Handles. 7 p.m. Bohemian Biergarten, 2017 13th St., Boulder, 720-328-8328.

Town Hall with Reps. Jonathan Singer and Mike Foote along with Sen. Matt Jones. 6 p.m. Longmont Public Library, 350 Kimbark St., Longmont, 303-651-8470.

Friday, December 20 music Ambiance Duo. 7:30 p.m. Cannon Mine Coffee, 210 S. Public Road, Lafayette, 303665-0625. Austrian Connection. 9 p.m. Bohemian Biergarten, 2017 13th St., Boulder, 720328-8328. Barbara Paris. 8 p.m. Sun Rose Cafè, 379 Main St., Longmont, 303-651-3533. Big Paddy Irish Band. 8 p.m. Oskar Blues Homemade Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400. Boulder Chamber Orchestra. 7:30 p.m. First United Methodist Church of Boulder, 1421 Spruce St., Boulder, 303-442-3770. Chris Daniels and Friends. 8 p.m. Swallow Hill Daniels Hall, 71 E. Yale Ave., Denver, 303-777-1003. Christmas Candlelight Festival. 5 p.m. Pine Street Church, 1237 Pine St., Boulder, 303-442-6530. Dechen Hawk. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628. Dwight Carrier. 8:30 p.m. Oskar Blues Grill & Brew, 303 Main St.,

see EVENTS Page 42

Courtesy of Policulture

Courtesy of The Dairy Center for the Arts

Yes, there is room in this town for laid-back reggae. Just ask the guys in Policulture, a young band content with making smooth, horn-laden grooves in a style that evokes the idyllic atmosphere of an island paradise. The band has been gigging around Boulder at places like The Goose and the now-defunct K’s China for awhile now, so if you dig roots reggae, give these guys a shot.

Boulder Weekly

Friday, December 20: Bicycle Men, The Dairy Center for the Arts, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-440-7826. 8 p.m.

theater

music

Thursday, December 19: Policulture, The Lazy Dog, 1346 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-4403355, 10 p.m.

A bunch of comedy vets from stage and screen alike come to Boulder to put on a hilarious musical about an American biker whose wheels break down in a small French village. The show is part of the Dairy Center’s monthlong focus on bike art, which coincidentally leads into the Cyclocross National Championships, taking place in Boulder during the month of January. The musical numbers are sharply funny, and the acting is topnotch: There’s a reason this musical has been making the rounds at fringe festivals since 2004.

comedy Sunday, December 22: Comedy Night, Bohemian Biergarten, 2017 13th St., Boulder, 720-328-8328, 7 p.m. This summer, we wrote about the burgeoning Boulder comedy scene. It’s still chugging along, Kevin Fitzgerald and Brent Gill, who, along with Chuck Roy, organizes the weekly comedy show at Bohemian Biergarten, reports that his comedy show is becoming an incubator for Denver talent. The verdict is out if Boulder can develop and nurture its own comedians rather than functioning as Denver’s Dleague, but until then, you can still enjoy top comics every Sunday. On Dec. 22, check out the very funny headliner Dr. Kevin Fitzgerald, who starred on Animal Planet’s Emergency Vet. Joining him will be Chuck Roy, Bobby Crane and Kevin O’Brien.

December 19, 2013 41

Foto Flood features photography by Boulder High School students and will be on display at the Boulder Museum of Contemporary Art through Jan. 26.

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Affordable Art Show. Firehouse Art Center, 667 4th Avenue, Longmont, 303-6512787. Through Dec. 29.

arts

HAPPY HOUR DRINKS

Berlin Graphics 1928–1938 — Artist Herbert Bayer. Denver Art Museum, 100 W 14th Ave. Parkway, Denver, 720-865-5000. Through Nov. 23, 2014.

Craft Tech / Coded Media: Women, Art and Technology. Boulder Museum of Contemporary Art, 1750 13th St., Boulder, 303-443-2122. Through Jan. 26. Epic — Artist Joseph Stashkevetch. Denver Art Museum, 100 W 14th Ave. Parkway, Denver, 720-865-5000. Through July 13. Foto Flood — Works by Boulder High School Students. Boulder Museum of Contemporary Art, 1750 13th St. 303-443-2122. Through Jan. 26. Heart Lines: Expressions of Native North American Art. CU Art Museum, 1085 18th St., Boulder, 303-492-8300. Through Dec. 21. Julie Puma: The Immortal Jellyfish. Andrew J. Macky Gallery, Macky Auditorium, 285 University Ave., Boulder, 303-492-8423. Through Jan. 12. Landscape M — Artist Heimrad Bäcker (1925-2003). Museum of Contemporary Art Denver, 1485 Delgany St., Denver, 303-298-

7554. Through Jan. 5. Nuestra Cultura: Our People, Our Heritage. Arvada Center for Arts and Humanities, 6901 Wadsworth Blvd., Arvada, 720-898-7200. Through Dec. 22. PAPER/PRODUCT: Portfolios from the Polly and Mark Addison Collection. CU Art Museum, 1085 18th St., Boulder, 303-492-8300. Through June 21. Pattern: Follow the Rules. Museum of Contemporary Art Denver, 1485 Delgany St., Denver, 303-298-7554. Through Feb. 9. Seen in Passing — Artist Chuck Forsman. Denver Art Museum, 100 W. 14th Ave. Parkway, Denver, 720-865-5000. Through May 24. Yellowstone: A Project for the Nation — Artist Thomas Moran. Denver Art Museum, 100 W. 14th Ave. Parkway, Denver, 720-865-5000. Through Jan. 19. You, Me, and Everyone We Don’t Know: Fall 2013 BFA Exhibition — Artists AJ Davis, Taylor Lawrence, Leif V. Newberg, George P. Perez and Susan Walicki. CU Art Museum, 1085 18th St., Boulder, 303-492-8300. Through Dec. 20.

EVENTS from Page 41 Lyons, 303-823-6685.

events

The Fever. 7 p.m. St Julien Hotel, 900 Walnut St., Boulder, 720-406-9696.

Boulder International Folk Dance. 7:30 p.m. The Avalon, 6185 Arapahoe Road, Boulder, 303-668-7355.

Hard Working Americans. 9 p.m. Boulder Theater, 2032 14th St., Boulder, 303-786-7030.

Bicycle Men. 8 p.m. The Dairy Center for the Arts, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-440-7826.

A Gift of Music. 7:30 p.m. First United Methodist Church, 1421 Spruce St., Boulder, 303-442-3770.

Left Hand Holiday Toy Drive. 5 p.m. Left Hand Brewing Company, 1265 Boston Ave., Longmont, 303-772-0258.

Jababa. 10 p.m. Conor O’Neill’s Irish Pub, 1922 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-1922.

Left Hand Label Art Show & Auction. 6 p.m. Instant Imprints, 372 Main St., Longmont, 303-774-9260.

Janine Gastineau and Her Rhythm. 7 p.m. Caffè Sole, 637 S. Broadway, Boulder, 303-499-2985.

Live DJ and Dancing. 10 p.m. Catacombs Bar, 2115 13th Street, Boulder, 303-442-4344.

Jockamo. 8 p.m. Boulder Outlook Hotel & Home of the Blues, 800 28th St., Boulder, 303-443-3322.

Robinson Crusoe’s Most Excellent Adventure. 10 a.m. Boulder's Dinner Theatre, 5501 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder, 303-449-6000.

Last Men On Earth. 8 p.m. Dickens Opera House, 300 Main St., Longmont, 720-297-6397. Mr. Anonymous. 9 p.m. Fox Theatre, 1128 13th St., Boulder, 303-447-0095. Skin Your Teeth. 8 p.m. Bittersweet Café & Confections, 836 Main Street, Louisville, 303-317-5522.

Saturday, December 21 music

Soul School. 7:30 p.m. Nissi’s, 2675 North Park Drive, Lafayette, 303-665-2757.

Blackdog Duo. 4:30 p.m. Oskar Blues Tasty Weasel Tap Room, 1800 Pike Road, Unit B, Longmont, 303776-1914, ext. 313.

Strangebyrds. 6 p.m. Front Range Brewery, 400 W. South Boulder Road, Suite 1650, Lafayette, 303-3390767.

Bonnie Lowdermilk. 7 p.m. Caffè Sole, 637 S. Broadway, Boulder, 303-499-2985.

The Symbols. 10 p.m. Pioneer Inn, 15 E. First St., Nederland, 303-258-7733. Whiskey Autumn. 10 p.m. No Name Bar, 1325 Broadway, Boulder, 303-447-3278. Widow’s Bane. 9:30 p.m. Waterloo Icehouse, 809 S. Main St., Louisville, 303-993-2094.

42 December 19, 2013

Weaver’s Mystery. 7:30 p.m. Adi Shakti Kundalini Yoga Center, 6717 Valmont Road, Boulder, 720-252-3962.

Boulder Messiah Sing-Along. 7 p.m. St. John’s Episcopal Church, 1419 Pine St., Boulder, 303-4425246. Casey James Prestwood and the Burning Angels. 9:30 p.m. Waterloo Icehouse, 809 South Main St., Louisville, 303-993-2094. The Clarks. 8 p.m. Bittersweet Cafe & Confections, 836 Main Street, Louisville, 303-317-5522.

Boulder Weekly

theater

Santa’s Big Red Sack is playing through Dec. 24 at the Avenue Theatre in Denver.

A Christmas Carol. Stage Theater Denver Performing Arts Complex, 14th and Curtis streets, Denver, 303-893-4100. Through Dec. 29. A Christmas Carol. Arvada Center for the Arts and Humanities. 6901 Wadsworth Blvd., Arvada 720-898-7200. Through Dec. 22. Bicycle Men: A Musical. Dairy Center for the Arts, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-440-7826. Dec. 20 through Dec. 22. Cirque Dreams: Holidaze. Buell Theatre, Denver Performing

Steve H

Arts Complex, 14th and Curtis streets, Denver, 303-8934100. Through Dec. 22. Jackie and Me. Space Theatre, Denver Performing Arts Complex, 14th and Curtis streets, Denver, 303-8934100. Through Dec. 22. One Act. Dairy Center for the Arts, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-440-7826. Fridays through May 2, 2014. The Seafarer. Dairy Center for the Arts, 2590 Walnut St.,

irsch

events

Boulder, 303-440-7826. Through Dec. 21. Spamalot. Boulder’s Dinner Theatre, 5501 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder, 303-449-6000. Through March 1. Santa’s Big Red Sack. The Avenue Theatre, 417 E. 17th Ave., Denver. 303-321-5925. Through Dec. 24. The Santaland Diaries — Presented by Boulder Ensemble Theatre Company. Garner Galleria Theatre, Denver Performing Arts Complex, 14th and Curtis streets, Denver, 303-8934100. Through Dec. 24. The Velveteen Rabbit. Spark Theatre, 985 Santa Fe Drive, Denver, 720-346-7396. Through Dec. 22.

Community Drum Circle. 7 p.m. Enriching Elements, 2712 28th St., Boulder, 303-515-7974. Dave Potter. 6 p.m. Front Range Brewery, 400 W. South Boulder Road, Suite 1650, Lafayette, 303-3390767. DJ Gangsterish. 8 p.m. Bohemian Biergarten, 2017 13th St., Boulder, 720-328-8328. DJ Something Big. 10 p.m. Fox Theatre, 1128 13th St, Boulder, 303-447-0095. Flipside. 7:30 p.m. Nissi’s, 2675 North Park Drive, Lafayette, 303-665-2757. Jeff Scroggins and Colorado. 8 p.m. Swallow Hill Tuft Theatre, 71 E. Yale Ave., Denver, 303-777-1003. The Indulgers. 10 p.m. Conor O’Neill’s Irish Pub, 1922 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-1922. Los Funbags. 9 p.m. Stage Stop, 60 Main St., Rollinsville, 303-258-0649. Johnny O Band. 7:30 p.m. Boulder Outlook Hotel & Home of the Blues, 800 28th St., Boulder, 303-4433322. Messiah. 7 p.m. First United Methodist Church, 1421 Spruce St., Boulder. The Mixers. 8 p.m. Dickens Opera House, 300 Main St., Longmont, 720-297-6397. Radiate Unified Dance Party. 8:30 p.m. Shine Restaurant & Gathering Place, 2027 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-0120. The Resonant Rogues. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628. Ron LeGault. 6:30 p.m. St Julien Hotel, 900 Walnut St., Boulder, 720-406-9696. ‘SOUL2SOLSTICE’ with Global Soul Experience! 8 p.m. Adi Shakti Kundalini Yoga Center, 6717 Valmont Road, Boulder, 720-252-3962. Split Jive Broadcast. 10 p.m. Pioneer Inn, 15 E. First Street, Nederland, 303-258-7733. Teresa Lynne Band. 8 p.m. Oskar Blues Homemade Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400. Tony Trahan and the BlueKrewe Trio. 4 p.m. Bootstrap Brewing Company, 6778 N. 79th St., Niwot, 303-652-4186. Tookus Rockin’ Dance Party. 8:30 p.m. Oskar Blues Grill & Brew, 303 Main St., Lyons, 303-823-6685.

events Bicycle Men. 8 p.m. The Dairy Center for the Arts, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-440-7826. The Christmas Revels’ Christmas Spirits. 2 p.m. and 7 p.m. Boulder Theater, 2032 14th St., Boulder, 303-786-7030. Dave Potter. 6 p.m. Front Range Brewery, 400 W. South Boulder Road, Suite 1650, Lafayette, 303-3390767. Kids’ Holiday Ornament Cookie Decorating. Lucky’s Cafe, 3 p.m. 3960 Broadway, Boulder, 303444-5007. National Homeless Persons’ Day Memorial Service. see EVENTS Page 44

Boulder Weekly

December 19, 2013 43

events

Friday december 20

rocky mountain GrateFul dead revue

Feat rob eaton oF dark Star orcheStra w/ Special GueStS

Saturday december 21 • dual Venue!

ott & all SeeinG i

w/ octopuS nebula , project aSpect, Future Simple project, buddha bomb, teirro, Soulacybin, cloud-d & Serephine

Sunday december 22

the bold & the brutal tour

Feat GreGory bauer, oprheo & the wrench, hiGh capacity, rockalloGy, oriGami, Flint Forehead, moduS audio & i, keep kalm

Friday december 27

deSert dwellerS

w/ SaQi, mikey thunder & Special GueStS

tueSday december 31 yolo rum preSentS

wu yearS eve Feat method man, raekwon & GhoStFace killah w/ the Foodchain & dj hoppa

Friday january 3

2014: Future Sound meltdown

every thurSday @ the other Side

GraSS For that aSS Free beFore 9pm or beFore 10pm for text meSSage SubScriberS!

12/19 vince herman oF leFtover Salmon & FriendS w/ GipSy moon 12/26 caribou mountain collective w/ hilltop harveSt band 1/9 cowboy dave 1/16 wood & wire 1/30 GanGStaGraSS w/ wood & wire

wedneSday december 18

a.v.i.u.S. (oF prime element) & aG Flux (oF black maSk) how cliché album releaSe tour w/ maulSkull (blackmaSk), bullhead*ded, rhyme proGreSSion & odx

thurSday december 19

vince herman & FriendS (leFtover Salmon) Feat chriS pandolFi & andy hall oF the inFamouS StrinGduSterS

w/ partywave & iblekadence

Furbie cakeS

Friday december 27

bedrockk

w/ dj chap, Snubluck, dawn SaFari & amor, eSt

nappy rootS

w/ d-Stylz, livedliFe movement (huShliFe & (unit)e), courier, indiGenouS peopleS & dj Selko

Saturday december 28 w/ birch Street & leadville cherokee

Friday january 10

monday & tueSday december 30-31

enviSion FeStival pre-party

Feat zilla, riSinG appalachia, the human experience & Soulacybin

Saturday january 11

enviSion FeStival pre-party

Feat ruSS liQuid, nico luminouS, laFa taylor, janover & reSunator & kll Smth

Friday & Saturday january 17-18

cervanteS’ 11th year anniverSary party

aSSembly oF duSt & Floodwood Feat al Schnier & vinnie amico oF moe.

w/ the Great GuyS Feat memberS oF yamn, the conGreSS & the whaleS

wedneSday january 29

preFuSe 73 & noSaj thinG & Faltydl thurSday january 30 • night 1

So-Gnar’S Shredded beatS Swollen memberS & Step brotherS (evidence & alchemiSt) w/ madchild, Slaine & kruza kid friday january 31 • night 2

So-Gnar’S Shredded beatS deltron 3030 w/ mikey thunder, heatbox & very Special GueStS Saturday february 1 • night 3

So-Gnar’S Shredded beatS hopSin (Funk volume) & dilated peopleS (rhymeSayerS) w/ dizzy wriGht, dj hoppa, Special GueStS From Funk volume, rolphy, a black day & dj weSley wayne

Friday & Saturday February 7-8

the Funky meterS Friday February 14

love Shack

delta SaintS

tea leaF Green 12/30 toubab krewe 12/31 mountain Standard time

Friday january 3

uncle luciuS & ShinyribS Feat memberS oF the GourdS

Saturday january 4

michael houSer birthday celebration Feat Sam holt, tori pater, Spanky, eric martinez & andy clapp

tueSday january 7 Sub.miSSion preSentS

electronic tueSday Feat badklaat

w/ dubwol Feat Support From electronic tueSday battle winnerS

wedneSday january 8

denver ShowcaSe #5 Feat maleman & jairon, klaSSick, lily FanGz, dhy-lan & more

Cinderella Screwed Me Over — Author Cindy Matsen. 11 a.m. Barnes & Noble, 2999 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-444-0349. Open Poetry Reading. 10 p.m. Mercury Cafe, 2199 California St., Denver, 303-294-9281.

Sunday, December 22 Poetry Slam. 8 p.m. Mercury Cafe, 2199 California St., Denver, 303-294-9281. Monday, December 23 “So, You’re a Poet,” Open Poetry Reading. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat Coffeehouse, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628. Kelley Anderson 7 p.m. Innisfree Poetry Bookstore and Cafe, 1203 13th St., Boulder, 303579-1644.

Saturday, December 21

EVENTS from Page 43 10:30 a.m. Central Park Bandshell, corner of Broadway and Canyon Boulevard, Boulder, 303-442-8300. Paul Cunningham — Live painting demonstration. 1 p.m. SmithKlein Gallery, 1116 Pearl St., Boulder, 720-887-1611.

Sunday, December 22 music Bluegrass Pick. 12 p.m. Oskar Blues Homemade Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400. Bluegrass Pickin’. 4 p.m. Twisted Pine Brewing Company, 3201 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-786-9270. Boulder Messiah Sing-Along. 2 p.m. and 7 p.m. St. John’s Episcopal Church, 1419 Pine St, Boulder, 303-442-5246. Christmas Candlelight Festival. 5 p.m. and 8 p.m. Pine Street Church, 1237 Pine St., Boulder, 303-4426530. David Williams & The Gypsy Jazz Tricksters. 5 p.m. Bohemian Biergarten, 2017 13th St., Boulder, 720-328-8328.

Friday january 10 Saturday january 11

Open Mic. 7 p.m. Dickens Opera House, 300 Main St., Longmont, 720-297-6397.

turkuaz

naïve melodieS (talkinG headS tribute) w/ Shrink perForminG the muSic oF Frank zappa Feat Fleeb thomaS, dan raaSch & wonderlic

Saturday january 25 @ the Fillmore

the motet cd releaSe party w/ Snarky puppy, orGone & mikey thunder

Saturday january 25

waka winter claSSic monday january 27

throuGh the rootS & tatanka w/ myStic rootS & j. armijo

thurSday February 6

bob marley birthday celebration

Feat wake up & live – acouStic & electric SetS oF bob marley & the wailerS w/ raStaSauruS (acouStic)

Saturday February 8

the maSterS oF ceremony winter tour

w/ jameS & the devil & cold river city

weSt water outlawS

2637 Welton St • 303-297-1772 • CervantesMasterpiece.com TexT CervanTeS aT 91944 for TiCkeT GiveaWayS, Drink SpeCialS, DiSCounTeD TiCkeT proMoTionS & More

reCeive no More Than 1 MeSSaGe per Week for help TexT help To 91944 • To QuiT TexT STop To 91944 • STanDarD TexT MeSSaGe & DaTa raTeS May apply

44 December 19, 2013

Suspect Press Release Event and Reading. 9 p.m. The Deer Pile, 206 E. 13th Ave., Denver, 303831-6443.

Friday, December 20

Heavy Cats. 7:30 p.m. Boulder Outlook Hotel & Home of the Blues, 800 28th St., Boulder, 303-443-3322.

Saturday February 15

zion i w/ Sol

Centennial Middle School Poetry Reading. 6:30 p.m. Innisfree Poetry Bookstore and Cafe, 1203 13th St., Boulder, 303579-1644.

w/ biG medicine GanG

Saturday january 4

w/ chain Station

Healthy Start Storytime. 11 a.m. Barnes & Noble, 2999 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-444-0349.

b-Side playerS & mike dillon band Sunday december 22

thurSday january 9

Thursday, December 19

Friday december 20

Feat j.wail (live band) w/ GeneticS, aStronomix, lucid viSion, juicy money, poSt Sound theory & parker daviS

miSSed the boat whiSkey tanGo

words

Cindy Matsen will sign copies of her latest book, Cinderella Screwed Me Over, Friday, Dec. 20, at Barnes and Noble.

Steve Itterly. 5 p.m. Gold Hill Inn, 401 Main St., Boulder, 303-443-6461.

Electric Blues Jam. 7:30 p.m. Oskar Blues Homemade Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road., Longmont, 303-485-9400. Gregory Alan Isakov. 8 p.m. Gold Hill Inn, 401 Main St., Boulder, 303-443-6461. Open Mic. 7:30 p.m. Johnny’s Cigar Bar, 1 Boulder Canyon Drive, Boulder, 303-449-0884. Open Mic Night. 6 p.m. Bootstrap Brewing Company, 6778 N. 79th St., Niwot, 303-652-4186. Open Stage — With Danny Shafer. 6 p.m. Oskar Blues Tasty Weasel, 1800 Pike Road, Unit B, Longmont, 303-776-1914, ext. 313. Prairie Scholars. 6 p.m. Oskar Blues Tasty Weasel Tap Room, 1800 Pike Road, Unit B, Longmont, 303776-1914, ext. 313.

events Movie Night — Elf. 7:30 p.m. Bohemian Biergarten, 2017 13th St., Boulder, 720-328-8328. Open Mic. 7:30 p.m. Johnny’s Cigar Bar, 1 Boulder Canyon Drive, Boulder, 303-449-0884. Open Poetry Reading. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628. Trivia Night. 9 p.m. Conor O’Neill’s, 1922 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-1922.

Tuesday, December 24 music

Swing Chicks. 6 p.m. Oskar Blues Grill & Brew, 303 Main St., Lyons, 303-823-6685.

Danny Shafer. 10 p.m. Pioneer Inn, 15 E. First Street, Nederland, 303-258-7733.

Traditional Irish Session. 7 p.m. Conor O’Neill’s Irish Pub, 1922 13th St., Boulder, 303-449-1922.

Open Mic. 7:30 p.m. The Attic Bar and Bistro, 949 Walnut St., Boulder, 303-415-1300.

Treeny McCurdy. 6 p.m. Oskar Blues Homemade Liquids and Solids, 1555 S. Hover Road, Longmont, 303-485-9400.

Ron LaGault. 6:30 p.m. St Julien Hotel, 900 Walnut St., Boulder, 720-406-9696.

White Christmas Holiday Show. 7:30 p.m. Nissi’s, 2675 North Park Drive, Lafayette, 303-665-2757.

events Bicycle Men. 8 p.m. The Dairy Center for the Arts, 2590 Walnut St., Boulder. Comedy Night. 7 p.m. Bohemian Biergarten, 2017 13th St., Boulder, 720-328-8328.

Monday, December 23 music

Soul Explosion. 8 p.m. The Laughing Goat, 1709 Pearl St., Boulder, 303-440-4628.

events Discussion Group for Adults with Depression. 6:30 p.m. Absolute Vinyl Records & Stereo, 5360 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder, 303-955-1519.

Wednesday, December 25 music Kort McCumber. 6 p.m. St. Julien Hotel, 900 Walnut St., Boulder, 720-406-9696.

Boulder Weekly

WITH SPECIAL GUESTS DEC 27 - ROOSEVELT COLLIER DEC 28 - FUTUREMAN (FROM BELA FLECK & THE FLECKTONES) DEC 29 - JERRY DOUGLAS DEC 31 - SAM BUSH

reel to reel ANCHORMAN 2: THE LEGEND CONTINUES Looks like MSNBC has found a replacement for Martin Bashir who won’t call Sarah Palin stupid.

All is Lost Robert Redford is brilliant in his role as a nameless man who must survive after his sailboat sinks, leaving him lost at sea. Rated PG-13. At Colony Square.

American Hustle When the FBI decides to recruit con artists to infiltrate the Jersey mob and crooked powerbrokers, things get interesting in a hurry in this well-acted film starring Christian Bale, Amy Adams and Bradley Cooper. Rated R. At Twin Peaks, Colony Square and Century.

Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) has traded his old anchor job in for a modern cable news position. He is joined by his original team; Veronica Corningstone (Christina Applegate), weather man Brick Tamland (Steve Carell), street reporter Brian Fantana (Paul Rudd) and sports reporter Champ Kind (David Koechner). If you laughed at the original, you’ll laugh at this one as well. Rated PG-13. At Twin Peaks, Colony Square and Century.

The Armstrong Lie In 2008, Academy Award-winning filmmaker Alex Gibney (We Steal Secrets: The Story of WikiLeaks, Taxi to the Dark Side, Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room) set out to make a documentary about Lance Armstrong’s comeback to the world of competitive cycling. An unprecedented scandal, however, would rewrite both the Armstrong legend and Gibney’s film. At Chez Artiste and Mayan. — Landmark Theatres

Blue Is the Warmest Color (La vie d’Adèle) Adèle (Adèle Exarchopoulos) is a young woman whose longings and ecstasies and losses are charted across a span of several years. At 15, she is approaching adulthood and dreams of experiencing her first love. A handsome male classmate falls hard for her, but an unsettling erotic reverie upsets the romance before it begins. Adèle imagines that the mysterious, blue-haired girl she encountered in the street slips into her bed and possesses her with overwhelming pleasure. That bluehaired girl is a confident older art student named Emma (Léa Seydoux), who will soon enter Adèle’s life for real, making way for an intense and complicated love story. Rated NC-17. At Chez Artiste and Mayan. — Landmark Theatres

An intensely moving portrait of a relationship from beginning to end, propelled by a soundtrack of foot-stomping bluegrass, The Broken Circle Breakdown is a romantic melodrama of the highest order. When an unexpected tragedy hits a new family, everything they know and love is tested. At SIE Film Center.

The Coen brothers craft this story of a homeless young folk singer trying to create a name for himself in the Greenwich Village of the 1960s. Rated R. At Mayan and Century.

Dallas Buyers Club

It’s the final 19 hours of the first manned mission to Mars in search of signs of life, one that has lasted months without any major discoveries. The crew is tired and discouraged and bickering among themselves as they wrap up and prepare to go home. But when one crew member delays returning to the ship so he can collect a sample of an amazing discovery he has made — fossilized evidence of bacterial life — it soon leads to disaster, jeopardizing the mission and the lives of all the crew. Rated R. At Chez Artiste. — Landmark Theatres

Matthew McConaughey stars in Dallas Buyers Club as real-life Texas cowboy Ron Woodroof, whose free-wheeling life was overturned in 1985 when he was diagnosed as HIV-positive and given 30 days to live. Rated R. At Esquire, Colony Square and Century. — Landmark Theatres

Delivery Man Loser David Wozniak (Vince Vaughn) is quietly going about his life when he finds out that the sperm he donated 20 years earlier has created 533 kids. He’s in debt to the mob and his pregnant girlfried finds no humor in his situation. Rated PG-13. At Twin Peaks.

Gravity

Nebraska

Sandra Bullock and George Clooney star in this visually stunning film that strands two astronauts in space. Rated PG-13. At Century and Colony Square.

After receiving a sweepstakes letter in the mail, a cantankerous father (Bruce Dern) thinks he’s struck it rich, and wrangles his son (Will Forte) into taking a road trip to claim the fortune. Shot in black and white across four states, Nebraska tells the stories of family life in the heartland of America. Rated R. At Chez Artiste. — Landmark Theatres

Gorgeously photographed in Rome and Tuscany, The Great Beauty (La Grande Bellezza) is a dazzling, lyrical and at times surreal dramatic comedy, like a modern-day La Dolce Vita. The magnetic Toni Servillo plays dapper journalist Jep Gambardella, slick and soulful, who has been a permanent fixture in Rome’s literary and social circles since the legendary success of his one and only novel. When his 65th birthday coincides with a shock from the past, Jep finds himself taking stock of his life. At SIE Film Center and Boedecker.

46 December 19, 2013

Nature Double-Feature: Fuzzy Baby Animals & Microworlds

When the snow queen traps a tiny kingdom in eternal winter, Anna and Kristoff, accompanied by Sven the reindeer and a comical snowman that has trouble keeping his head, set out to end the spell. Rated PG. At Twin Peaks, Colony Square and Century.

Frozen

The Great Beauty

The Broken Circle Breakdown

Last Days on Mars

Fuzzy Baby Animals features an assortment of animals in cute, cuddly, infant form. Spectacular visuals are coupled with furry little critters to create a riveting, heart-melting picture the entire family will enjoy. Microworlds examines the patterns, cycles and daily rituals that are repeated on every scale, both in nature and in the lives of all creatures, from the earthworms in our backyards to the alien beauty of a garden snail. (Run time for both combined is one hour). At Boedecker. — Boedecker Theater

Cate Blanchett gives a powerhouse performance in writer/ director Woody Allen’s new dramatic comedy. She plays New York socialite Jasmine (a name she chose herself), a beautiful, neurotic, self-centered and vastly self-deluding woman who, having lost all her money, in desperation has come to stay with her sister Ginger (Sally Hawkins) in her modest San Francisco apartment. Rated PG-13. At Colony Square. — Landmark Theatres This film tells the story of a spirited and courageous young girl who transforms the lives of everyone around her when she is sent to live with a new family in World War II Germany. Young Liesel (Sophie Nélisse) embarks upon a journey marked by discovery, courage, friendship — and the power to triumph over the most daunting obstacles. Rated PG-13. At Century, Colony Square and Chez Artiste. — Landmark Theatres

Philomena The unparalleled Dame Judi Dench brings to life the story of a woman who gave away the child she conceived out of wedlock for adoption in the United States and her search, decades later, to find that son with the help of a BBC reporter. Rated PG-13. At Century, Colony Square and Esquire. — Landmark Theatres

Saving Mr. Banks

Blue Jasmine

The Book Thief

father. When Russell’s brother Rodney (Casey Affleck) comes home from Iraq and gets involved with local bad guys and disappears, it’s up to Russell to solve the case. Rated R. At Century and Twin Peaks.

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug See review on page 47. Rated PG-13. At Century, Twin Peaks and Colony Square.

Hunger Games: Catching Fire Jennifer Lawrence dazzles in this adventure sequel. Rated PG-13. At Twin Peaks, Colony Square and Century.

Inside Llewyn Davis

The Nutcracker: Mariinsky Theater An innocent young girl is given a strange gift by her dubious uncle. It comes to life, leads a coordinated assault on a rodent infestation, and then takes the unsuspecting girl on a bizarre journey to a dreamworld in which various sweets come to life, take on ethnic stereotypes and perform short dance routines. Fun for the whole family! From the Mariinsky Theatre, St. Petersburg. Music by Pyotr Tchaikovsky and Libretto by Marius Petipa after the tale by E. T. A. Hoffmann. Choreography by Vasily Vainonen, Alina Somova as “Masha the Princess” and Vladimir Shklyarov as “The Nutcracker Prince.” At Boedecker. — Boedecker Theater

Out of the Furnace Christian Bale plays Russell, a blue-collar guy who works at the local steel mill and also takes care of his sick

Inspired by a true story, this film tells the tale of how Walt Disney (Tom Hanks) was finally able to convince the very difficult writer P. L. Travers (Emma Thompson) to allow him to bring her book Mary Poppins to the big screen. Rated PG-13. At Twin Peaks, Colony Square and Century.

Thor: The Dark World Thor battles to save Earth from really bad, evil things ... again. It is a sequel after all. Rated PG-13. At Twin Peaks.

Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas Halloween meets Christmas Tim Burton style in this fun classic. At Esquire. — Landmark Theatres

Twelve Years a Slave In the pre-Civil War United States, Solomon Northup, a free black man, is abducted and sold into slavery. Rated R. At Colony Square and Mayan. — Landmark Theatres

Tyler Perry’s A Madea Christmas Madea pays her daughter a surprise visit in the boondocks for Christmas. but the surprise is on Madea when she sees what is really going on. Rated PG-13. At Colony Square and Twin Peaks.

Wadjda An enterprising Saudi girl signs on for her school’s Koran recitation competition as a way to raise the remaining funds she needs in order to buy the green bicycle that has captured her interest. Wadjda is a movie of firsts. This first feature film shot entirely in Saudi Arabia is the story of a young girl living in a suburb of Riyadh determined to raise enough money to buy the bike in a society that sees bicycles as dangerous to a girl’s virtue. Even more impressive, Wadjda is the first feature film made by a female Saudi filmmaker. In a country where cinemas are banned and women cannot drive or vote, writer-director Haifaa Al Mansour has broken many barriers with her new film. Rated PG. At Boedecker. — Boedecker Theater

Walking with Dinosaurs 3D In this prehistoric adventure, Patchi, a little dinosaur in a world of big, mean dinosaurs, still manages to triumph and become the hero. Fun story, but the real delight of this film is the amazing portrayal of dinosaurs in their natural habitat looking more realistic than ever before. Rated PG. At Century, Colony Square and Twin Peaks. Additional films showing at SIE Film Center include: 5-25-77; Love Actually; Holiday Market; Star Wars; Go For Sisters; Is the Man Who is Tall Happy? The SIE Film Center will be closed Dec. 22-26.

Boulder Weekly

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‘The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug’ is still fresh  by Ryan Syrek

hings you should know by now: (1) All Peter Jacksondirected fantasy films near or top three hours in length; (2) there are deviations from the books because these are movies and not books — I’m told if you would like to read The Hobbit, you can still read The Hobbit — and (3) Ian McKellen is just the wickedly wizardy best. My tolerance for grousing about Jackson overstuffing his Hobbitses with new content and padding the length is at an all-time low … like “Congressional approval rating” low. Why? Because if you’re paying attention, both An Unexpected Journey and The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug are better acted, paced and shot than the Lord of the Rings trilogy and happen to be drawn from better source material; admittedly, I haven’t read the books. I wanted to but ain’t nobody got time for extensive dwarven ancestry lessons. If you can look me in the eye and tell me that Martin Freeman’s Bilbo isn’t 10 times the hobbit that Elijah Woods’ Frodo was or that McKellen’s Gandalf hasn’t gotten more nuanced each time out or that the CGI for Smaug (Benedict Cumberbatch) doesn’t make the trolls in Fellowship of the Ring look like cave paintings, we ought not talk movies together. The story is just so much richer, as it doesn’t stop at “Baddie McEvil tries to destroy the world.” We join Bilbo and his dwarf buddies as they are nearing the secret entrance to the home they were forced to abandon on the grounds of “Oh, dear God, that’s a fireBoulder Weekly

breathing dragon,” which is an understandable reason to break a lease. We see the specifics of this quest: In order for Thorin (Richard Armitage) to unite the dwarf armies, he needs a jewel that marks him as leader. It’s a jewel Smaug has planted his dragon tush upon. Unfortunately, the group is seized by a splinter group of elves, including the beautiful and deadly Tauriel (Evangeline Lilly) and Legolas (Orlando Bloom), who may be the single most badass action hero of all time. After they escape, the gang takes refuge in a port city near their home, where a kind boatsman named Bard (Luke Evans) asks them politely to not wake up the sleeping dragon because it will kill them all. So Bilbo goes and wakes the dragon, which is not a euphemism. There is crazy great action from elf ninjas, wonderful banter between Bilbo and Smaug (who are actually played by Watson and Holmes from BBC’s Sherlock) and plenty of orc decapitations. Although I have zero qualms about the length or pace, I will say that the film does suffer a bit from “middle film-itis,” in that it’s not quite as satisfying as the first and isn’t allowed a true end. But if that’s the worst you can say, and it should be the worst you can say, Jackson has only added to the cinematic legacy of his epic series. Hobbit haters get dragon-forged coal for Christmas. —This review first appeared in The Reader of Omaha, Neb. Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com

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cuisine Susan France

hink about what food would be without condiments. Can you imagine not dipping your French fries? How would a post-holiday feast turkey or ham sandwich taste on dry bread? What about a hot dog? Unthinkable. I asked Sara Lancaster, the Saucy Dipper and owner Spread this on your buns. of The Condiment Marketing Co., just what the fascination is. She says, “Sauces and dips are fun foods, and fun foods equal happiness.” It’s true; condiments are fun. They’re also necessary. I’ve read numerous chef interviews in Westword and 5280 magazine, when one of the questions was what they have on hand at all times in their refrigerators, and most say condiments of every kind, from hot sauces to different kinds of mustard, as well as spice cabinets filled to overflowing. As an avid home cook, this is also true in my own home. I know I can take anything basic — whether that’s pasta or a piece of chicken — and make an exciting and delicious dish out of it with seasoning or sauce. After just a quick inventory, I counted 21 condiments in my fridge, everything from standards like mayonnaise and mustard to more interesting ones like green curry paste, mango chutney and peach

Spreading the cheer by cheering the spread

The move to house-made condiments by Christine Vazquez

3073 Walnut 303.447.2315 Boulder Weekly

bourbon BBQ sauce. I even had three kinds of ketchup. There could easily be upwards of 30 if I looked closely enough. I didn’t realize just how much of an impact they have in my own cooking until I took a count. Yet, even with all those available on the market, more and more restaurants are choosing to forgo existing products and make their own from scratch. “When we make our own, we know exactly what goes in them and from where,” said Bill Espiricueta, executive sous chef for OAK at fourteenth. “Red Wagon is one of the farms we use, and their chives,

WHO’S EATING AT THE WALNUT THIS WEEK?

parsley and tarragon go great in our green goddess recipe. ” OAK makes a handful of standards, including green goddess aioli, chile garlic aioli, harissa and romesco, and in the summer, when the ingredients needed are at their peak, ketchup and BBQ sauce. Their green goddess aioli accompanies one of their best-loved dishes — their fried pickles — and that dish is made as much by the condiment as the pickles themselves. “It’s important to us that we can control the balance of acidity to fat, sweetness to pungency,” Espiricueta says. Freshness is also a major factor for OAK. “The items you buy at the store have preservatives and other added things to help extend the shelf life. I and Steve [Redzikowski] would just prefer to make our condiments every day,” Espiricueta said. “Due to the volume and extraordinarily busy restaurant OAK is, we don’t ever have items that are older than a day or two, again assuring the quality and freshness.” Kyle Mendenhall, executive chef for all of The Kitchen’s various restaurants, also makes his own condiments. “We make our own aioli, which is a base recipe see CONDIMENTS Page 52

673 S. Broadway 720.304.8118

December 19, 2013 49

tidbites

Food happenings

around Boulder County Courtesy of Zeal – Food for Enthusiasts

CHRISTMAS EVE DINNER

For many of us, Christmas Eve dinner means one of two things: family coming together to share a well-prepared meal or buffet night at your favorite Chinese restaurant. For those looking for a more sophisticated Christmas Eve dinner experience this year, several Boulder restaurants will feature special menus for the evening. Arugula Bar e Ristorante is hosting a four-course Christmas Eve dinner for $59 a person. Menu items range from seared foie gras with a Zeal – Food for Enthusiasts opened at 1710 Pearl St. on Dec. 11. petite persimmon, herb and fennel salad and brioche crostini to cookies, eggnog, fruit cake, Chinese food, or entrees like brown butter roasted whatever you and your family typically eat Alaskan black cod. on Christmas Eve, chances are, you don’t For a modern dining experience, consider want to see any of that stuff again until next OAK at fourteenth’s $65 prix fixe Christmas Eve year. Thankfully, if you are looking to eat out dinner with options like braised beef short ribs, on Christmas day, Kachina Southwestern Grill herb-encrusted Skuna Bay salmon and spiced in Westminster is offering a eggnog panna cotta for des“Pioneer Christmas Dinner” sert. with a Mexican take on Chautauqua Dining Hall’s American Christmas dinner Christmas Eve menu includes traditions. choices like Smoked The four-course, familyColorado Trout Rilletes, style meal starts off with red braised duck leg, roast turkey tamales with tomatillo prime rib, carved ham and and green chile and bison gingerbread trifle for desert. empanadas with a chipotle Meals will be served family honey agave. The main style and will cost $38 for adults and $20 for course features traditional pork posole, a children 12 and under. Mexican stew that means “foamy” in preCHRISTMAS DINNER SOUTHWESTERN-STYLE Columbian language, herb-crusted bison Now that you’ve stuffed yourself silly with prime rib with Hazel Dell wild mushroom jus

50 December 19, 2013

and horseradish cream and hickory-smoked ham with caramelized pineapple. Southwestern-style sides, like calabicitas (squash), and desserts, such as a Mini Tres Leches Cake, will also be served. The dinner costs $45 per adult and $15 per child 12 and under. To make a reservation, call 303-4105813. The dinner kicks off at 5 p.m.

FOOD FOR ENTHUSIASTS

Boulder: The land of food allergies, picky eaters and health nuts now has a new restaurant serving the organic and healthy crowd. Zeal – Food for Enthusiasts opened Dec. 11 at 1710 Pearl St., replacing the Boulder location of H Burger. Zeal specializes in nonGMO, organic, allergen-free seasonal dishes that use local meat and produce. Culinary Director Arik Markus of Row 14 Bistro and Wine Bar and Frasca Food and Wine and Chef de Cuisine Sean Smith of OAK at fourteenth head the kitchen. The menu features the popular Vietnamese Bahn Mi sandwich, Carrot Chickpea Falafel, roasted vegetable rainbow curry, ceviche, beef braise and more. The menu clearly identifies allergen-free items and dishes that fit vegan and Conscious Cleanse diets. Zeal’s bar will serve local beer, wine, house-made kombucha and juicer-created juice cocktails and smoothies. There is even an area in which you can watch the juicers creating the drinks and make sure they don’t slip in something nonorganic. Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com

Boulder Weekly

cuisine review Cheese Importers warehouse expands to offer more than cheese by Christine Vazquez

Susan France

heese of the beautiful pastries. Importers’ Eclairs, pies and macarwarehouse was ons, oh my! Then there a huge hit from are the quiches. Each day the beginning, there’s both a meat and a because, well, cheese. But vegetable offering, plus the bulk of the 35 years it’s standards of Lorraine and been in business were salmon. The charcuterie spent in a literal wareand cheese plates beg to house in Longmont. It be ordered, with their varwas a wonderland of ied offerings of high-qualcheese, though not as ity meats and cheeses from warm and inviting an around the world. The environment as their new menu is extensive and is a location in the historic tour through all the sweet power station located at and savory French favor103 Main St. In this new ites in this more casual location, they’ve added style of dining. You order and pay at Bistrot des Artistes — a the counter, are then given French bistro — to their a number to take to your market space and cheese table, and your food is cave, making it an eating brought to you there. The and shopping destination Server Audrey Aguilar Vasquez shows a few items on the tables themselves are experience overflowing menu at Bistrot des Artistes. charming bistro style, with discovery and with a mix of eclectic delight. chairs and French-themed accessories throughout. Themed shops and restaurants — whether French, Most of the floor is made of hexagon tiles, evoking Mexican, Southwestern or others — can either go the feel of old bistros of Paris. There’s a bar in the very right, as in tasteful, or very wrong, as in tacky. Bistrot des Artistes has been done tastefully, in every center of the space, for show, not for cocktails (though sense of the word. they do serve beer and wine; order at the counter). The Bistrot takes up a third of the main floor of And they’ve thoughtfully stacked glasses and pitchers the building, and just inside the back door, you enter of water there, so you can just help yourself. what looks like a deli and the first thing you see is all I ordered an apple, brie and arugula panini

Boulder Weekly

Bistrot des Artistes 103 Main St., Longmont 303-772-9599

($7.95), a slice of quiche Lorraine ($5.50), two macarons — if macarons are available anywhere I go, they always get ordered — and a glass of Prosecco. The sandwich and quiche were both generously sized, but neither come with anything on the side. I always feel including even a small mixed green salad, simply dressed, is gracious. But you can get a combo — a house salad with the quiche for $9.95 or a half-sandwich and salad for the same price. I was with a group of friends for Sunday brunch, with a new friend to our group joining us, so I felt a celebratory Prosecco was in order. But it’s true that I would have ordered Prosecco on an average weekday too. For just $5 a glass, they made that an even easier choice. A friend did a kindness by ordering a cheese and cured meats platter for the table to share, featuring three meats and two cheeses, a sliced fig in syrup, sliced pepperoncini, sugared and spiced walnuts, and the hit of the platter: tear-shaped sweet red peppers called Sweety Drop that are native to the highlands of Peru. Each of us loved them so much we took some home. They’re available by the pound at the olive and pepper bar in the walk-in cooler — affectionately known as the Cheese Cave — and also in jars, for a shelf-stable option. It’s discoveries like this that make dining out so much fun. If you’re going to go to Bistrot des Artistes, plan a couple of hours, at least, to eat and then visit their adjoining Market Europa, filled with a high-quality selection of specialty foods, housewares, cookbooks and more. And obviously the Cheese Cave — larger than the first floor of my home — is a don’t-miss. Luckily, you can’t miss it. It’s just that big. Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com

December 19, 2013 51

cuisine CONDIMENTS from Page 49

Susan France

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that then gets be enjoyed turned into all with the food kinds of spethat we make cial sauces by here,” says adding either David Vernall, smoked the general paprika, or manager. harissa, or It’s a level lemon, like of attention to for the dip we detail that a serve with our prepackaged crab cake,” he product just says. “Our can’t convey. eggs come To help from Widsom spread the Natural condiment Poultry and happiness — our extra virpun intended gin olive oil is — Lancaster a completely launched The domestic Condiment product, so Marketing Co. we’re proud of this year. the ingrediThrough her Pardon me, but would you have any Grey Poupon with a sprig of rosemary? ents that go company, she into our dips works with and sauces, sauce, dip, jam too.” and seasoning companies to get the Local sourcing is a lived philosoword about their brands out across the phy for The Kitchen, and they’ve led Web. Specialty work for specialty by strong example in Boulder County foods. This is how many condiments in terms of communicating this philos- crowd the various sub-categories — ophy at every turn, from the chalkthey need a marketer specifically boards in their restaurants naming the focused on them. local farms and purveyors they work Lancaster believes that a great with to stating it on their menus and marketer is a great storyteller, and she website. Where it used to be diners gets to the heart of her clients’ stories, didn’t know the vendors a restaurant working to tell them in a compelling worked with, now it’s standard that way in print and on the Web. these are shared — particularly farms, Many of the sorts of boutique conpurveyors and foragers. diment makers that Lancaster works Mendenhall’s chefs also make their with have also started making their own whole grain mustard, but opt not recipes available online for people who to make their own in-house ketchup, would like to try making their own having found a high-quality organic condiments. She has a page on her ketchup they’re happy with. website, www.saucydipper.com, com“Chefs at respectable places feel like piling 100 tips for home condiment the more they can do on their own, the preparation. better,” Mendenhall says. “We can For example, No. 18 is key: About make something that tastes better than that lemon juice — if you make sauces what’s out there, and give the guest and dips often, keep a lemon on hand something they can only get — with always. So many recipes call for lemon that particular flavor — from us.” juice. Another restaurant going the inThere’s certainly a sense of satisfachouse route is Mateo in Boulder. It tion both the chef and the home cook makes a spicy ketchup — with can get from making their own condiWorchestire sauce, Dijon mustard, ments that can’t be found from a jar, spices and hot sauce — they call but don’t worry if that’s all too intimiDiablo, as well as an herb aioli. dating, because the fun is still available “We believe that the house-made on the store shelf, with more waiting condiments enhance the guest’s experi- for you in local restaurants. Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com ence and they are designed perfectly to Boulder Weekly

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his week’s column will say goodbye to BW beer writer Steve Weishampel, who has moved on to Chicago, presumably to take his beerwriting career to the next level by joining the SNL Superfans, or if that doesn’t work out, stalking Oprah. Apparently, Boulder Beer Company was so broken up about Steve moving that they retired a beer in his honor, putting the kibosh on Planet Porter, one of its three original beers, and the first U.S.-brewed porter post-prohibition. Also, Planet Porter sales had started to fall in recent years as more porters entered the market and brewers started to become more adventurous in their recipes, shifting the nation’s tastes. But mostly it was Steve. Boulder Brewing says it may still make special small batches of Planet Porter, but is largely replacing it in their brand lineup with Shake Chocolate Porter. Fare thee well, sweet Planet Porter. But when one brave soldier falls by the wayside, others arise to take its place. Here are some of the most interesting beers being released at local breweries this week or this week adjacent. MEPHISTOPHELES STOUT The water being transformed into golden ales going down at Avery Brewing was close enough to alchemy that they’ve gone and made it official this month with the annual release of Mephistopheles Stout, a beer as evil as its namesake. According to BW Editor Joel Dyer, Mephistopheles Stout is the strongest beer ever poured in the Boulder Weekly office. Weighing in at 15.4 percent alcohol, calling it beer is almost being

generous, as it’s bumping up against being a “Do Not Pass Go, Go Directly to Jail for a DUI,” Monopoly card. Brewing disaster aside, it’s really good. Mephistopheles boasts a rich, sweet flavor similar to a barley wine, with notes of espresso and anise that makes for an excellent dessert beer. Being so strong, there is a lingering aftertaste, but if it tastes like that, it can set up shop on my tongue as long as it wants. But only halfway through my teensy taster glass, I was reminded of a Jon Stewart joke: Absynthe, for when it’s Friday night, and you don’t have anywhere to be until Tuesday afternoon. Clearly, I’m not the only one thinking similarly. The press release that accompanied the beer said it’s for fans of “extreme beers, complexity, and not driving.” Try some Mephistopheles. Just be sure to plan ahead and take a lot of notes. BEER OF THE OCCULT Denver’s fairly new TRVE Brewing Company has been appeasing the metal gods by churning out some of the most sinister, unholy beers in Colorado. TRVE’s latest project is a series of four ales brewed in tribute to Absu, an aggressive black metal band from Texas whose lyrics focus on occult mythology. The third release in the series, Manannán, available Dec. 22, is a sour brown ale fermented in Breckenridge whiskey barrels featuring rye in the grain bill. The beer is expected to have an assertive flavor with a malt character and, of course, obscurity from the yeast. The 7.3 percent alcohol by volume ripper’s name comes from an Absu song about the obscure Irish sea deity of the same name. Dude. Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com Boulder Weekly

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December 19, 2013

Boulder Weekly

SAVAGE by Dan Savage

Dear Dan: I’ve talked to my girlfriends, my mom and his mom, but I need some unbiased advice. I’m a 28-year-old woman in a relationship for three-and-ahalf years with a wonderful man, also 28. I hit the jackpot: He is loving, sweet, kind, driven, active, handsome, generous, etc. We’re very committed to each other and planning our future together. We’ve lived together for 2.5 years. Life is so great! Enter the issue: We’ve been discussing marriage since January of this year. Until May, he was opposed to it. Not in the can’t-see-spending-the-rest-of-my-lifewith-you way, but in the not-wantingto-marry-anyone-in-the-near-future way. “I don’t feel old enough yet,” he says, which makes me want to slap him, because my baby-making years are flying by. We talk about wanting the same things in life, like a family and a home, but those are things I won’t do with him unless we are married and also things I don’t want to start doing when I’m 35. We’ve talked about not wanting to be old parents and we seem to agree on everything — except he won’t pull the trigger. I just don’t get it! We did make some progress. In August, he mentioned the possibly of a proposal around the holidays, which are upon us. But when his mom asked if they should go shopping for a ring, he told her no! That blows a holiday engagement! I am ready for the next phase. He says he is too, but he won’t propose. I don’t get it! Some guidance would be great. —Put Off Proposal Depresses A Queenslander Dear POPDAQ: This is going to seem random, POPDAQ, but indulge me for a second. There was an article in the New York Times recently about how young men still aren’t doing their fair share of the cooking and cleaning. “Women today make up 40 percent of America’s sole or primary breadwinners for families with children under 18,” Stephen Marche wrote. “[But] men’s time investment in housework has not significantly altered in nearly 30 years.” Reading Marche’s piece — in which he makes the case not for men to do more housework (God forbid), but for men and women to live together in filth — made me say, “So glad I’m gay.” Out loud. On an airplane. I sometimes have that reaction when I read stories about “the gender wars,” which Marche is Boulder Weekly

Love

currently writing a book about, or when I read smut-shaming bullshit about straight men and porn. But Marche’s essay elicited a different sort of so-gladI’m-gay response. It went something like this: “I’m so glad I’m gay because my husband and I don’t have the option of defaulting to the stupid gender norms, roles, expectations, neuroses and riptides that plague so many straight couples.” So despite the fact that we’re both men, my husband and I do not live together in filth. When a bed needs to be made or a dish needs to be washed or a floor needs to be mopped — or a spouse’s cock needs to be sucked — one of us makes, washes, mops or sucks it. When there’s something that needs doing, we do it. We don’t sit around staring at an unmade bed or a dirty dish or a grimy floor or an unsucked spousal cock and think, “I have a dick — so bed-making/dish-doing/ floor-mopping/cock-sucking isn’t my job.” Do you see where I’m going with this, POPDAQ? There’s something at your place that needs doing — a proposal needs making — and you’re sitting around waiting for him to do it. Why? Because he has the dick. “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” Mahatma Gandhi said that*, POPDAQ, but I don’t need to tell you, right? Because that quote was at the bottom of your e-mail. So here’s a thought: Be the change you want to see in your own fucking relationship. You want to get engaged to this guy? Propose to him. Yes, yes: He has a penis, and traditionally the penis-havers** do the proposing in Breederville. But it’s not unheard of for someone to make a marriage proposal to a man. Just ask my husband. [* Gandhi did not say that. He said: “If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change.”] [** Do not confuse penis-havers with penis-halvers. Something else not to do: a Google Images search on “genital bisection.”] Email Dan at mail@savagelove.net and follow him on twitter @fakedansavage. Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com December 19, 2013 57

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ARIES

MARCH 21-APRIL 19:

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LIBRA

SEPT. 23-OCT. 22:

“Life is best organized as The Italian painter a series of daring ventures Tintoretto (1518-1594) from a secure base,” wrote was a Libra. He worked Go to RealAstrology.com to check out psychologist John Bowlby. with such vigor and pasRob Brezsny’s EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO Some of you Aries enjoy sion that he was nickHOROSCOPES and DAILY TEXT MESSAGE the “daring venture” named Il Furioso — The HOROSCOPES. The audio horoscopes part of that formula, but Furious. One of his crownneglect the “secure base” ing achievements was his are also available by phone at 1-877aspect. That’s why your painting Paradise, which is 873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700. daring ventures may on 74 feet long and 30 feet occasion go awry. If you tall — about the size of a are that type of Ram, the tennis court. It adorns a first half of 2014 will be huge wall in the Doge’s an excellent time to correct your bad habit. Life will be Palace, a landmark in Venice. I propose that Tintoretto serve offering you considerable help and inspiration in building as one of your inspirational role models in 2014. The coma strong foundation. And if you already appreciate how ing months will be an excellent time for you to work hard at important it is for your pursuit of excitement to be rooted crafting your own personal version of paradise on earth. You in well-crafted stability, the coming months will be golden. may not be so wildly robust to deserve the title “Il Furioso.” But then again, you might.

TAURUS

APRIL 20-MAY 20:

Here’s a tale of three renowned Taurus brainiacs: Immanuel Kant, John Stuart Mill, and Bertrand Russell. They all had IQs over 175 and all made major contributions to philosophy. Yet all three were physically inept. Kant had trouble keeping a sharp point on his writing instrument, the quill, because he was clumsy using a knife. Mill was so undexterous he found it a chore to tie a knot. Russell’s physical prowess was so limited he was incapable of brewing a pot of tea. Chances are that you are neither as brilliant nor as uncoordinated as these three men. And yet, like them, there is a disconnect between your mind and body — some glitch in the way the two of them communicate with each other. The coming year will be an excellent time to heal the disconnect and fix the glitch.

GEMINI

MAY 21-JUNE 20:

A horticultural company in the UK is selling TomTato plants to home gardeners. Each bush grows both cherry tomatoes and white potatoes. The magic was accomplished through handcrafted hybridization, not genetic engineering. I foresee a comparable marvel in your long-term future, Gemini. I’m not sure about the exact form it will take. Maybe you will create a product or situation that allows you to satisfy two different needs simultaneously. It’s possible you will find a way to express two of your talents in a single mode. Or perhaps you will be able to unite two sides of you that have previously been unbonded. Congratulations in advance!

CANCER

JUNE 21-JULY 22:

“To destroy is always the first step in any creation,” said the poet E. E. Cummings. Do you buy that idea, Cancerian? I hope so, because the cosmos has scheduled you to instigate some major creative action in 2014. In order to fulfill that potential, you will have to metaphorically smash, burn, and dissolve any old structures that have been standing in the way of the future. You will have to eliminate as many of the “yes, buts” and “I can’ts” and “not nows” as you possibly can.

LEO

JULY 23-AUG. 22:

When did you first fall from grace? Do you remember? It has happened to most of us. We spend time being privileged or cared about or respected, and then, suddenly, we no longer are. We lose our innocence. Love disappears. Our status as a favorite comes to an end. That’s the bad news, Leo. The good news is that I think the months ahead may be time for you to climb back up to one of those high states of grace that you fell from once upon a time. The omens suggest that even now you’re making yourself ready to rise back up — and sooner than you think, there will be an invitation to do so.

VIRGO

AUG. 23-SEPT. 22:

Leonardo da Vinci created the painting “St. Jerome in the Wilderness” around 1480. It now hangs in the Pinacoteca Vaticana, a museum in Vatican City. For several centuries, though, the treasured work of art was missing. Legend tells us that in the early 19th century, Napoleon’s uncle found the lower half of the painting in a junk shop in Rome. Years later he stumbled upon the top half in another back alley, where it was being used as a wedge in a shoemaker’s bench. I foresee the possibility of a comparable sequence unfolding for you in 2014, Virgo. You just may manage to restore a lost beauty to its proper place of honor, one step at a time.

Boulder Weekly

SCORPIO

OCT. 23-NOV. 21:

Between 2002 and 2009, Buddhist monk Endo Mitsunaga spent a thousand days meditating as he did a ceremonial walk around Mount Hiei in Japan. In 2006, English writer Dave Cornthwaite took 90 days to skateboard across the entire length of Australia, a distance of 3,618 miles. The first man’s intentions were spiritual, the second man’s adventurous. The coming months will be prime time for you to contemplate both kinds of journeys, Scorpio. The astrological omens suggest that you will generate extra good fortune for yourself by seeking out unfamiliar experiences on the open road. To get yourself in the mood, ruminate on the theme of pilgrimage.

SAGITTARIUS NOV. 22-DEC. 21:

Many farms in California’s Tulare County grow produce for supermarket chains. Here’s the problem: Those big stores only want fruits and vegetable that look perfect. So if there are brown spots on the apples or if the zucchinis grow crooked or if the carrots get too big, they are rejected. As a result, 30 percent of the crops go unharvested. That’s sad because a lot of poor people who live in Tulare don’t have enough to eat. Fortunately, some enterprising food activists have begun to work out arrangements with farmers to collect the wasted produce and distribute it to the hungry folks. I gather there’s a comparable situation in your life, Sagittarius: unplucked resources and ignored treasures. In 2014, I hope you take dramatic action to harvest and use them.

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CAPRICORN

DEC. 22-JAN. 19:

Derrick Brown has a poem entitled “Pussycat Interstellar Naked Hotrod Mofo Ladybug Lustblaster!” I hope that at least once in 2014 you will get up the nerve to call someone you love by that name. Even if you can’t quite bring yourself to utter those actual words, it will be healing for you to get to the point where you feel wild enough to say them. Here’s what I’m driving at, Capricorn: In the coming months, you will be wise to shed any inhibitions that have interfered with you getting all of the free-flowing intimacy you’d love to have.

AQUARIUS

JAN. 20-FEB. 18:

“Artists who are content merely to hone their gifts eventually come to little,” says the Belgian writer Simon Leys. “The ones who truly leave their mark have the strength and the courage to explore and exploit their shortcomings.” I’d like to borrow that wisdom and provide it for you to use in 2014, Aquarius. Even if you’re not an artist, you will be able to achieve an interesting kind of success if you’re willing to make use of the raw materials and untapped potential of your so-called flaws and weaknesses. Whatever is unripe in you will be the key to your creativity.

PISCES

FEB. 19-MARCH 20:

In 2014, you will have the mojo to escape a frustration that has drained you and pained you for a long time. I mean you can end its hold on you for good. The coming months will also provide you with the chance to activate and cultivate a labor of love that will last as long as you live. While this project may not bloom overnight, it will reveal its staying power in dramatic fashion. And you will be able to draw on the staunch faith you’ll need to devote yourself to it until its full blessings ripen.

December 19, 2013 59

EEDBETWEENTHELINES

by Leland Rucker

The evolution of a district attorney

hen he started his tenure as district Bill 1284, which created rules and regulations for attorney of the 20th Judicial District medical marijuana growing, processing and distribuof Colorado in 2009, Stan Garnett tion. “We all shared the feeling that you need to keep had not given marijuana a lot of it away from kids,” Garnett says. “But can we regulate thought. its distribution, just like other things that are contro“The legislature decides what the laws are, and my versial, like pornography or alcohol? But the idea of job is to enforce them,” Garnett said during a recent prohibiting it criminally was unwise, I thought, interview. “When I came into office, marijuana was because it just doesn’t work. The criminal justice sysillegal except in certain medical situations, and I tem only works when the vast majority of the cominherited a couple of felony cases that my predecessor munity agrees that what should be against the law is had filed that were prosecutions for possession of against the law.” marijuana.” Will legalization make his job This was at the same time that easier or more difficult? the Obama administration first “I don’t think it’s gonna change indicated it wouldn’t interfere with much, to be honest,” he says. states that legalized medical mari“Again, the issue is, can we control juana, which resulted in a stamthe distribution of marijuana in a pede of dispensaries opening in way that’s consistent with commuColorado, which had legalized nity values? The regulatory medical use with the passage of schemes I’ve seen in Boulder and Amendment 20 in 2000 but hadn’t Denver are going to be pretty effective at controlling the districodified rules and regulations for bution, so I don’t think it’s going dispensary operations. to change much.” “We went to trial, cause I’m a He says the black market will big one for going to trial, because be treated like any other illegal I think it’s good to get the public expansion of an otherwise legal and press involved,” says Garnett. business. “I wasn’t paying a lot of attention, “I do think, and this is imporand almost immediately juries Boulder County District Attorney Stan came back with a not-guilty verGarnett says he doesn’t think pot legal- tant, that you have to keep things ization will affect his job very much. dict. Some jurors actually came in perspective. When marijuana down afterwards and asked me was totally illegal, we had nothing why I was wasting their time.” but the black market. And it was everywhere. So there So, after studying the issue, in September of 2009 will still be a black market, but I actually think it’s his office announced that it would make marijuana its easier to control the black market in communities lowest priority. “Our juries are very pro law-andwhere it’s legalized, because if people are able to buy order,” Garnett said, “and they care a lot about making something legally, they are more likely to do it that Boulder County safe. We get great convictions on way instead of buying from the guy on the street cortough cases. But it was clear to me that they weren’t ner. The bottom line is most people want to comply going to convict on marijuana possession. And that with the law.” kind of thrust me into the statewide debate about how Garnett is serious about keeping intoxicated drivdispensaries fit into Amendment 20. How do we creers off our roads, and he thinks the legislatureate a legal framework for them?” approved, controversial blood-level test is a good start. Garnett became involved in what became House “It’s a relatively low limit, and it’s not a per se like

you have with alcohol,” he says. “With marijuana, it’s a presumption that the jury gets instructed on, but you can take the stand and say, ‘I can take my marijuana.’ We’ve developed these per se laws with alcohol. We’re not at that point yet with marijuana, and we may never be.” Will legalization make it easier for teenagers to get marijuana? “I go back and forth on this. When you think of a dispensary, between the security, the IDs that are required and everything else, the idea that those are going to be selling to kids, that’s not going to happen.” So where are teenagers getting it? “A lot of them are getting it from their parents. but I think they’ve always been getting it from their parents,” Garnett says. “It’s easier for parents to get marijuana, so in a sense, it will be easier for the kids, though I have not seen evidence of that, and I’m on the governor’s school safety task force.” Garnett says he hasn’t seen any studies that show significant increases in marijuana use in teenagers after legalization. “In fact, there are some that are indicating the opposite,” he explains. “Kids being what they are, they’ll always want to experiment with sex, alcohol and drugs, and there will always be some marijuana use. But we see assaults, sex assaults, that are tied to drinking that we don’t see with marijuana.” He doesn’t support the marijuana-as-a-gatewayto-harder-drugs argument. “I think alcohol is much more a gateway drug,” Garnett says. “The psychology of drug use is such that I don’t know to what extent there are gateway drugs. I haven’t seen studies that draw a direct line between marijuana use and cocaine or heroin or methamphetamine, which really are very destructive substances. But from what I know, and I say this having used none of them, including marijuana, whatever goes on inside a person’s mind deciding to move to a harder drug, I don’t know that has a lot to do with using marijuana.” Send tips, suggestions and criticisms to weed@boulderweekly.com. Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com

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Day-before deals Buying gifts late shouldn’t compromise quality, thoughtfulness by Boulder Weekly staff

t’s just not possible to be completely prepared for holiday gift-giving. Whether someone announces at the last minute they’re bringing a boyfriend or girlfriend or a new aunt or uncle emerges from 40 years of wandering the Amazon, you’re going to need some gifts in a pinch. At least that’s what we tell ourselves every year as we scrape together a few last-minute gifts. And just because you’re short on time doesn’t mean you have to set aside the recipient’s interests and buy something generic. Here are a few ways to buy late but still buy great. BOULDER HOT SAUCE GIFT SET ($12.95) Food as a gift is pretty brilliant. If the recipient has it already, they can still use more; if they love it, you can direct them to more; if they don’t like

Boulder Weekly Last Minute Gifts Guide ’13

your gift, they aren’t stuck displaying it forever in the corner of their least favorite room. Hot sauce in particular is a good choice since so many spice enthusiasts are completionists — they wanna try every hot sauce under the sun. And while The Boulder Hot Sauce Company is right in town, there’s no guarantee hot sauce lovers have tried the two in this set, Smokey Serrano and Harry’s

Habanero. This gift set is available at Peppercorn, Pearl Street’s expansive kitchen supply store that has dozens of other Colorado products, including sevSee LAST-MINUTE Page 6

December 19, 2013 5

ING OUR 25TH ANNIVERS T A R B E ARY CEL

Holiday

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Style & Comfort

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eral varieties of Boulder Popcorn, Chocolove chocolate bars and Tea Spot teas. GIFT CERTIFICATES (VARIOUS) There’s really no lazier, less imaginative gift than a gift card or gift certificate. “I know I should spend money on you, so I will, but I won’t spend thought or energy,” the gift card screams. Until, that is, you put some thought and energy into it. A gift card to Target basically means “I know you probably need and want anything under the sun.” But a gift card to a specific place that sells what the recipient is interested in? That at least says “I understand you love art supplies [Meininger] or Australian wine [Liquor Mart] or rock climbing [Neptune Mountaineering], but I do not understand these things, and I do not want to get you a very illinformed gift.” The recipient will appreciate the thought and the fact that you didn’t take a risk and buy a total clunker of a present. DESIGN-YOUR-OWN DOZEN TRUFFLES BOX ($29) Don’t be a hero. Don’t attempt to put together a dozen truffles for a friend without buying one for yourself. Piece, Love & Chocolate on West Pearl offers truffles for individual purchase, fortunately, in addition to putting together a dozen as a gift (as well as cakes for weddings and other events 6 December 19, 2013

that you definitely shouldn’t be buying for at the last minute). The point is, of course, that you can have one or two or more while you pick out which truffles go in the box — as a matter of testing them out for your dear friend, of course. Be warned: If you don’t sample at PLC, the truffles are packed six to a tray, so it’ll be obvious if your gift dozen only contains 11. THE WIRE, SEASON ONE ($33) It’s hard to justify buying DVDs these days, or even Blu-rays, for that matter, with so many shows and movies available on Netflix, Hulu Plus or Amazon Prime. Giving a movie or TV show as a gift could be on its way to becoming obsolete. But then there’s HBO. Its shows are widely revered and the network is as protective as any in the world about its content, making sure its current and old shows are available only through HBO-owned channels. It’s enough to make us recommend a DVD. And while the network has more than a few current favorites running — Game of Thrones, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Boardwalk Empire — we suggest one of TV’s best dramas ever, the Baltimore crime drama The Wire. You’ll know if they’ve ever seen it: Since it turns just about everybody into an evangelist, if they’ve seen it, they’ve recommended it to you. As a bonus, the show is so quotable you’ll know whether the recipient has given it a try by how much they start spouting Bunk-isms or Kima-speak. See LAST-MINUTE Page 8

Last Minute Gifts Guide ’13 Boulder Weekly

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PHOTOGRAPHY BY SUE RIGDON (FROM $19) Art as a gift is a bit of a crapshoot, given how much tastes can vary and how much a person can surprise you with a preference. We’ve all had the otherwise sensible aunt who collects ceramic turkeys for Thanksgiving, for instance. But the photography available at Boulder Arts & Crafts Gallery is a safer bet. First of all, the selection is huge, and second, the photography of Sue Rigdon focuses on the natural beauty of the Rocky Mountains, which is a pretty surefire hit if you’re buying for someone who chooses to live near the Rocky Mountains. And if you’re buying for a lover of travel, swing by the photos of Alan Klug, a Fort Collins photographer who has snapped scenes in Greece, France, Mexico and Italy. BYZANTINE EARRINGS ($16.95) Giving someone a gift they already have is not a good thing. Sure, you can congratulate yourself that you were spot-on in picking out something they’d like, but it’s certainly not something they’ll use. The best safeguard against Accidental Duplication? Unique, handmade gifts that don’t come from big-box shelves. Instead, the Byzantine Earrings at East Pearl Street’s Momentum come directly from India, where they’re handmade. That’s the calling card of Momentum, the fair-trade market that one Boulder Weekly staffer swears by as the go-to gift store for the holiday season. Fifteen minutes among its displays of housewares, cards, jewelry and more and you’re likely to find something unique and thoughtful for the people on your list. Not to mention that dropping in “This came from Momentum” alone will score you major points with most gift recipients. MILE HIGH CITY SPICE PACK ($38) It’s not easy for budding chefs to build up a spice cabinet. The spice aisle can be pretty intimidating, and after seven consecutive trips of thinking, “Do I need paprika? Better just buy some,” many home chefs reach the brink of

giving up and eating bland food forever. But this isn’t the Midwest, and you shouldn’t let a chef on your list fall into that trap. Instead, there’s the gift packs of spices at Savory Spice Shop, including their Denver-themed Mile High City set, which spans a range of spices for meats, seafood and general use, from the all-purpose Wash Park to the sweet and peppery Park Hill. Savory also offers spices from A to Z that cover a huge range, making it the perfect stop when buying for either a starting chef who can’t spell cayenne or a seasoned — get it? — pro who might like to experiment with ground sumac or three varieties of saffron. AMERICAN ALL-STARS CHEESE AND SALAMI BASKET ($100) Who doesn’t like food? This is a great gift for anyone on your list who likes food, particularly those who are willing to try a few gourmet cheeses and meats they might have never heard of. And it’s an even greater gift for anyone hosting a holiday party who likes food, and sharing food, and cracking open your gift while you’re still there so you can try some gourmet food. Now that’s some advanced lastminute-gift strategy right there. Boulder’s Cured puts together the American All-Stars basket as well as an all-Colorado and a worldwide set. The cheese and meat shop also stocks wine as well as coffee in its companion shop, Boxcar, so you can get something to sip while you try out your brilliant gift. UNLIKELY LOVES: 43 HEARTWARMING TRUE STORIES FROM THE ANIMAL KINGDOM ($13.95) Author Jennifer S. Holland, already a bestselling author for Unlikely Friendships, returns with a second catalogue of inter-species relationships in the animal kingdom. Whether you — or the recipient — buys into the larger

Last Minute Gifts Guide ’13 Boulder Weekly

themes of the power of love and the togetherness of all creatures, or if you just like cute animals being cute, there’s plenty of both in Unlikely Loves, which chronicles pairings like a fox and a hound, a Dalmatian and a baby lamb, and an orphaned elephant and several other animals at the Oregon Zoo. The book is available at Boulder Book Store, which of course carries tens of thousands of other titles as well, covering topics from the serious and philosophical to the fun and frivolous.

And while it’s not exactly ideal for a last-minute gift, a membership in Oliverde’s Oil of the Month Club would work for a cooking enthusiast who likes a lot of variety. Members receive an oil or an oil and vinegar per month for three, six or 12 months, and given the 375-mL size of each one, three months for home cooks would most likely be more than sufficient.

BEADFORLIFE 2013 ORNAMENT ($10) It’s tough for a good-hearted, thoughtful charity to stand out in Boulder, where so many others exist. But BeadForLife, which employs and provides entrepreneurial training to impoverished people, mostly women, in Uganda, deserves some special recognition. It employs members for 18 months rolling recycled paper to make colorful beads, and during that time provides them with business classes so they can open their own businesses. The BeadForLife ornament isn’t just a good pick because it’s seasonal; it’s also more unisex than a bracelet and would stand out on any tree. OZO ORGANIC OZO BLEND ($14 AND UP) All of us still have that poor friend who believes in Folgers. And of course, Folgers, Maxwell House and the other big brands of coffee do their job, if the function of coffee is to deliver caffeine to the digestive system. But there’s a whole world out there your friend is missing, a world where coffee tastes good. Sometimes the role of a gift at the holidays is to give someone a little nudge and expand their horizons. And yes, even a one-pound bag of Ozo Blend coffee beans can do that. BLACK TRUFFLE OLIVE OIL ($36.95) This oil, steeped in black truffles, is often used as a drizzle on starches, vegetables and even popcorn. The truffle flavor can be compromised in cooking, which opens up this oil’s uses since even those who can’t cook can go crazy with it as well. Boulder Weekly Last Minute Gifts Guide ’13

KLEAN KANTEEN PINT CUP 4-PACK ($37.95) When you decide to move to Boulder County, the county government sends you a water bottle and some mud to apply to your car and in return takes away your ability to drive in the snow. That’s just well-known.

But even those on your list who own water bottles will find lots of uses for the Klean Kanteen pint glasses, which aren’t glasses at all but stainless steel cups. Not ideal for strenuous trail hiking, maybe, but perfect for the dozens of situations when trash is needlessly generated. No more plastic cups for you at large gatherings, no more paper See LAST-MINUTE Page 10

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cups for water at the office, no more of your clumsy friend shattering a glass. Silicone rings sold separately slide around the cup and provide a way to clip it to a backpack. A reviewer on Klean Kanteen’s website says her husband plans to “keep his in his car” to substitute whenever he’s offered paper or plastic cups. We like the idea, although we’d recommend occasional trips to the dishwasher.

with nouns to answer the black card and the first player picking the best answer. The prompt and the answers are typically offensive, ridiculous and hilarious. The game can be ordered online for $25, but the quicker and cheaper way is to download the free PDF, print it yourself on cardstock and buy a box for it. Cards Against Humanity’s website lays out the process.

SPOT IT! PARTY GAME ($12.99) There’s something very appealing about the kind of game you can pick up in two minutes and have fun with while playing against everyone in the family. Spot It is so simple it hurts — flip two cards, each with eight images on them, and race to identify the single image they have in common. Then flip another and compare it to card two. Then flip another and compare it to card three. Keep score in your head or just do what we do and assert after 20 cards that you’re way ahead. Spot It is essentially anti-chess. Great for parties, great for quick thinkers, low on investment and blissfully strategy-free. It is intended for players aged 7 and up and for two to eight players, the maker says, although stopping at eight doesn’t seem necessary as long as everyone has a good view.

YURBUDS EARPHONES ($29.99 AND UP) Trail running is hard enough. We assume. But runners could at least feel confident that their earbuds won’t fall out of their ears, even when they fall on icy rocks on Bear Peak Trail. All Yurbuds earphones are designed for training, activity and sports, including a set specifically for outdoor sports. How? A design intended to stay in the ear, cords made with water-resistant Kevlar so they don’t break, a one-button microphone for taking calls with the headphones and “ambient noise awareness” to allow in more ambient noise than other headphones at the same volume. That can be a good thing on the trail when a mountain biker needs to let you know something, like “Kindly move to the side.” Yurbuds redesigns many of its headphones to fit women, offering smaller sizes for women’s ears. The tradeoff, however, is that black, white and red in men’s are replaced with aqua, pink and purple, so the female runner in your life better be down with jewel tones.

CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY (ROUGHLY $10) Two warnings up front about Cards Against Humanity: It’s intended for a mature audience and getting it takes more than 10 minutes. And “intended for a mature audience” doesn’t mean brief scenes of violence, nudity or bad language, like a Kurt Russell actioncomedy. It’s more like a George Carlin routine. Cards Against Humanity is a party game that plays like Apples to Apples, with one player presenting a black card with a prompt, question or blank to fill in, the other players playing white cards 10 December 19, 2013

AUDUBON ENGAGEMENT CALENDAR 2014 ($13) Only the most heartless could resist the images — and the implications — of the National Audubon Society’s engagement calendar. Even the environmentally conscious people of Boulder need a lot of reminders of the beauty and wonder of the natural world, so that they’re pushed to protect it. And the Audubon See LAST-MINUTE Page 12

Last Minute Gifts Guide ’13 Boulder Weekly

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Engagement Calendar can help play that role, as it presents your typical calendar spread on one page and a fullcolor, full-size photograph of the natural world on the facing page. Besides that, the photography itself is excellent and the calendar features a spiral binding to ensure it stays open. SMARTWOOL NECK GAITER ($28) What size is the recipient’s neck? Oh, human-sized? That’s perfect, so is this neck gaiter. Yes, a primary argument for this gift as a last-minute purchase is that necks basically come in one size, so SmartWool’s neck warmer does too. But SmartWool’s gaiter has a lot going for it besides knowing it’ll fit. Made from 100 percent Merino wool, it’s all about warmth and dryness in the elements. It can fit over the nose and mouth for powder days at daunting temperatures. And it’s midweight, so it won’t feel stifling when the weather is above freezing and it will fit under just about any coat. Find it at REI, which of course is a warehouse of last-minute gift ideas for both serious and leisurely outdoorspeople. GRETCHEN PETERS AT CHAUTAUQUA FEB. 14 ($25 PER TICKET) Gretchen Peters’ Nashville folk has brought her Grammy nominations, 18 months of touring and accolades from dozens of her peers, like Bonnie Raitt, George Strait, Bryan Adams and Etta James. And in this list she’s a symbol for a very thoughtful last-minute gift, if you can match the recipient’s tastes to who’ll be in town. Concert tickets are

ideal last-minute gifts since they can be bought online and require no wrapping. Obviously, if Peters isn’t a good match, Chautauqua and dozens of other venues around the county can provide additional options. But do take note of the date: Better not to buy one of your single friends one ticket, since you’d basically be saying, “You won’t meet anyone by Valentine’s Day, right?” SILICONE PLASTIQUE UNBREAKABLE WINE GLASSES ($12.99 FOR FOUR) Glass is really ideal for windows, and it’s great for mirrors, and of course we all appreciate a good bottle to hold liquids once in a while. But there are lots of good reasons to pick up silicone plastique wine glasses or champagne flutes, both sold at the Whole Foods Wine & Spirits store on Pearl. The big draw of plastic glassware, of course, is that it’s unbreakable. Now we haven’t tested that term to its limit and driven a car over these glasses, but given how much plastic glasses can withstand, the word is pretty accurate. As a side benefit, these glasses can go where glass glasses can’t — like the seats at Red Rocks, for instance, where glass is banned, or in the backpack for leisurely winehikes, which are exactly what they sound like. GORILLAPOD TRIPODS ($19.95 TO $99.95) The outdoors presents problems for photographers of all skill levels. But one struggle they all share is getting everyone in the picture. If you know an outdoor enthusiast who loves taking pictures, consider GorillaPod tripods. They consist of three segmented, bendable legs that can wrap around almost anything, allowing the outdoor photographer in your life to take photos wherever he or she wants — no more awkward selftimed shots taken at funny angles. GorillaPod makes tripods that hold everything from smartphones to

Last Minute Gifts Guide ’13 Boulder Weekly

www.BoulderCountyEvents.com Boulder County’s Definitive Guide to Local Events D-SLRs with 11 pounds of body and lens, so everyone can enjoy this lightweight (all models are less than 7 ounces) way to take pictures in any setting. www.joby.com THE COLORADO TRAIL GUIDEBOOK (8TH EDITION) AND THE COLORADO TRAIL DATABOOK ($24.95 AND $12.95) Perhaps you have someone in your life who salivates over the centennial state’s glorious hiking path, the 486-mile Colorado Trail. This year, try giving the gift that will push them from dreamer to doer. The Colorado Trail Guidebook and The Colorado Trail Databook are great first steps to actually taking that first step on the trail itself. The guidebook offers an in-depth look at the route options, including maps, history and tips on navigating the tricky parts. The databook is the condensed version of the guidebook, perfect for bringing on the trail. The 88-page book weighs just under 4 ounces and contains maps of all the trail’s segments, including key information like campsites and water locations. www.shop. coloradotrail.org MAGNETIC POETRY ($11.95) You may have seen these before, but now they come in so many different themes that you can choose a subject that is perfectly suited to your recipient. There’s even an erotic version, not to mention “Bacon Poet,” “F Word” and “Stoner Poet.” Next time you have a dinner party, or any kind of party, and the conversation starts to lag, give people two minutes each to come up with a poem on your fridge with these magnetic words, and then take a vote on whose piece is the best. These kits are available all over, including on Boulder’s Pearl Street Mall at Into the Wind and the Boulder Book Store. LOCAL LIQUOR ($25–$30) We are blessed to have more than one distillery in Boulder County, and

nothing says “I care” like getting someone a hand-crafted bottle of hooch to help them get in the holiday spirits, er, spirit. Whether it’s vodka from 303 or gin from Roundhouse, support your local economy by buying something made right here, close to home. If your friend or relative is not big on the hard stuff, consider grabbing a bomber or two from one of the dozens of craft breweries that we are lucky enough to call neighbors. MAGIC FAIRY CANDLE ($16-$24) This one is a sure-fire way to heat things up on these cold winter nights. You can choose the essential oil or aromatherapy version of the candles made by this local company, but we are kind of partial to the body massage variety that not only smell good and cast soft light on a room, but produce a wax that is not too hot to be poured into one’s hands and used as a massage oil and moisturizer. Try the lavender scent. These romantic little numbers are available locally at the Magic Fairy Candle Longmont store, at 800 S. Hover, Unit 25. UKULELE ($40 AND UP) Everyone says they want to learn to play a musical instrument, but few are willing to put in the time. So give them one that’s really easy and fun to play, even with minimal skill or practice: a ukulele. Ukuleles start at $40 at Robb’s Boulder Music. Those are fairly cut-rate models. But if you’d like to upgrade a bit, you can pick up a really nice model for under $100, meaning a ukulele is also a gift that won’t break the bank. See LAST-MINUTE Page 14

Boulder Weekly Last Minute Gifts Guide ’13

Time to…

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LAST-MINUTE from Page 13

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COUPONS FOR ABSURD STUFF Remember when you were a kid and you gave your mom a card for her birthday promising you’d clean your room every week for a year and then totally didn’t follow through on it? Well, that oldie is still a goodie if you’re running short on time. Just grab a pen and paper and promise to do something thoughtful that you should probably have done anyway. But now that you’re all grown up, make it something other than cleaning your room. ’Cause your mom totally isn’t going to fall for it again. OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE If you buy that your friends and acquaintances are likely to be somewhat like yourself, and you’re now looking for last-second gifts because you didn’t plan ahead effectively, chances are y’all are some stressed mofos in serious need of chillin’ the eff out. What better way to turn it all off than by actually turning it all off. Cloud Nine Float Center on Arapahoe Avenue offers single sessions in its sensory deprivation float tanks for $40-$45 or intro packages of three sessions starting at $90. Get more info or schedule appointments for your hypertense friends and relations at www. cloudninefloatcenter.com.

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CLASSIC MOVIES ($9.99 AND UP) The great thing about classic movies as a gift is that you can casually slip them into conversation with your target recipient to gauge whether they’ve seen them. If not? Boom, head to the Video Station. For the music lover not well versed in the classics? Get them one of the great concert films, like Stop Making Sense or The Last Waltz. Budding cinephile? Try out Citizen Kane. Skinny jeans-wearing outsider with a serious case of hipster denialism?

Try the noir classic The Maltese Falcon. Marilyn Monroe Peter Lorre gave a legendary fan? Some performance in Fritz Lang’s M. Like It Hot. Mystery or thriller fan? Steer them towards M, Fritz Lang’s masterpiece. You get the picture. (Get it?) MASSAGE GIFT CERTIFICATES ($45 AND UP) You really can’t go wrong here. Unless your loved ones have a pathological aversion to physical contact (never fear, instead get them a gift certificate for therapy), who wouldn’t love a free massage? It’s the perfect present, something one might not buy for one’s self but would greatly appreciate if gifted. Various massage places around town offer spa services as well, and you can get gift cards for halfhour sessions starting as low as $45. FRENCH PRESS ($19.95 AND UP) Many will argue that a French press is the best way to make coffee. There are lots of science-y details, but the basic idea is that a French press allows you to brew each grain of coffee uniformly, allowing for the most evenly brewed coffee. Unlike an automated drip coffee pot, it affords you complete control over how your coffee is made, allowing you to select the best water temperature, the right grind (provided you grind beans yourself ) and the proper brew time for your coffee. French presses are easy to find, too — many coffee shops around town sell these things, from small sizes perfect for singles to presses big enough for a crowd. Pair it with a pound of coffee from a local roaster, and you’ve got a pretty sweet present. Respond: letters@boulderweekly.com

Last Minute Gifts Guide ’13 Boulder Weekly

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Holiday Recycling Guide

SAVE & POST!

’Tis the season... to recycle all these holiday leftovers! Here’s how.

Drop-off Center Info: Boulder County Recycling Center

 Batteries

RECYCLE AT THESE LOCATIONS ONLY – NOT in curbside bins Rechargeable Batteries: • Boulder County Hazardous Materials Management Facility • Longmont Waste Diversion Center during staffed hours Alkaline Batteries: • Check the batteries listing in our A-Z Recycling Guide: www.ecocycle.org/ a-zguide

 Bubble Wrap

RECYCLE AT CHaRM ONLY – NOT in curbside bins. NO foam wrap or packing peanuts (see Packing Peanuts listing).

 Cooking Oil

RECYCLE AT THESE LOCATIONS ONLY – NOT in curbside bins: • CHaRM (Boulder); $3 facility fee applies • Longmont Waste Diversion Center during staffed hours

 Electronics & Cell Phones

Disposing of electronics in the trash is now illegal in Colorado. RECYCLE AT CHaRM (Boulder; fees apply) or with a responsible recycling company listed on Eco-Cycle’s A-Z Recycling Guide at www.ecocycle.org/ a-zguide (click the blue button and select “Electronics”).

 Dark Envelopes

NOT RECYCLABLE OK IN COMPOST (see composting locations in Food Scraps listing) Dark-colored envelopes, such as the reds and greens often found during the holidays, are not recyclable. White and other light-colored paper envelopes are OK to recycle in your curbside bin.

 Food Scraps

COMPOST in curbside bins and at these locations: • CHaRM (Boulder); $3 facility fee applies • Longmont Waste Diversion Center during staffed hours

 Holiday Cards

REUSE cards as next year’s gift tags or place-setting cards. RECYCLE in curbside bins and at recycling drop-off centers. NO cards embossed with foil or other non-paper material. NO non-paper items such as ribbons, photos or photo paper.

 Holiday Light Cords & Extension Cords

RECYCLE AS SCRAP METAL AT THESE LOCATIONS ONLY (no fee) – NOT in curbside bins: • CHaRM (Boulder) • Nederland Transfer Station and Recycling Center • Longmont Waste Diversion Center in a specially-marked cart during staffed hours Attached light bulbs are OK. Please bundle the cords and tie them with the loose end so the light string does not get caught in the recycling machinery.

 Packing Peanuts

REUSE ONLY – Take to packing and shipping store. Find locations at www.ecocycle.org/ a-zguide.

 Paper Shopping Bags & Cardboard Boxes

RECYCE curbside or at recycling drop-off centers. Large staples & shiny graphics OK. REMOVE non-paper handles (string, etc.) and metal grommets from bags.

 Plastic Bags

Includes grocery/checkout bags, dry-cleaner bags and ziplock bags RECYCLE AT THESE LOCATIONS ONLY – NOT in curbside bins: Bags must be clean, dry and empty. • CHaRM (Boulder); $3 facility fee applies • Longmont Waste Diversion Center during staffed hours • Participating Grocery Stores - Find locations at www.ecocycle.org/a-zguide. NO black trash bags, no tape. Plastic bags are NOT recyclable in your curbside bin.

 Tissue Paper

NOT RECYCLABLE COMPOST in curbside bins and at these locations: • CHaRM (Boulder; fees apply) • Longmont Waste Diversion Center during staffed hours NO glitter or other non-paper items.

 #6 White Block Foam

(aka Styrofoam®) RECYCLE AT THESE LOCATIONS ONLY – NOT in curbside bins: • CHaRM (Boulder); $3 facility fee applies • Longmont Waste Diversion Center ONLY from Dec. 25 Jan. 31 during staffed hours This is the material typically used to package computers, TVs, wine, etc. NO food-grade foam (to-go containers, meat trays, egg cartons, disposable cups, etc.), moisture, tape, packing peanuts (see listing), bubble wrap (see listing), bendable foam, any foam other than #6, or any color other than white.

 Wrapping Paper

for a limited time only in BOULDER & LONGMONT: Dec. 25 – Jan. 31 RECYCLE AT THESE LOCATIONS ONLY (no fee) – NOT in curbside bins: • Boulder County Recycling Center in the bin marked “Wrapping Paper” • CHaRM (Boulder) in the bin marked “Compost” • Longmont Waste Diversion Center in the bin marked “Wrapping Paper” Please do not put wrapping paper in with single-stream recycling. This material will be accepted for a limited time in select locations, as it is a very low-grade material and normally considered a contaminant in the recycling bin because of its high clay and ink content and low fiber content. NO metallic wrapping paper, ribbons, bows, ornaments, tissue paper, fluorescent or dark paper, or wrapping paper covered with tape.

1901 63rd St., Boulder Open 24 hours

Boulder County Hazardous Materials Management Facility (HMMF)

1901 63rd St. – enter at the Boulder County Recycling Center, follow signs Wed – Sat, 8:30am – 4pm

Eco-Cycle CHaRM: Center for Hard-toRecycle Materials

NEW LOCATION & NEW HOURS! 6400 Arapahoe Ave., Boulder (Co-located with ReSource) Mon – Sat, 9am – 5pm Sundays, 11am – 4pm Fees apply for some materials. Visit our website for a full list of hard-torecycle items accepted, guidelines and prices. www.ecocycle.org/charm

Longmont Waste Diversion Center

For residents only. Bring your ID and a recent utility bill to show you are a City of Longmont trash subscription customer. 140 Martin St., Longmont Staffed hours: Mon – Sat, 7:30am – 4:45pm Closed Sundays, Dec. 25 and Jan. 1. www.ecocycle.org/ yourcommunity/longmont

 Get more details & Zero Waste holiday tips at ecocycle.org/ holidayguide

For TREE RECYCLING and LOTS MORE holiday info, including maps and fees for all facilities listed, visit or call: www.ecocycle.org/holidayguide • 303.444.6634