BINGHAMTON REVIEW Editor-in-Chief Contents
P.O. BOX 6000 BINGHAMTON, NY 13902-6000 review@binghamtonsa.org
Founded 1987 • Volume XXXIX, Issue I Brennan Ciccolone
# NOT MY BAXTER
Managing Editor Elizabeth Bremner
PAGE #8
by Syofyo
Copy Desk Chief
3 Editorial
by Brennan Ciccolone
4 Advice Column
by Our Staff
6 Food For Though
by Broom
Social Media Manager
10 Absurdism: Philosophy For Facebook Moms
by Donovan Doughtery
Cover Designer
11 Charlie Kirk’s One Year In Heaven: 1 AK
Lily Starr
Luke Fehily
Business Manager Comson Cao
Nicholas Aparicio
Darren Cooney
Editor Emeritus Aiden Miller
Staff Writers Broom Bren Dover
15 The Death of Small Talk: A Critique of the Kiosks by Bren Dover
Contributors
Syofyo Donovan Dougherty Lily Starr
Special Thanks To:
Website, print archive, and social media:
Intercollegiate Studies Institute Collegiate Network Binghamton Review was printed by Gary Marsden We Provide the Truth. He Provides the Staples.
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BINGHAMTON REVIEW
Vol. XXXIX, Issue I
EDITORIAL
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From the Editor
ear Readers,
Happy Hunger Games readers! I am hoping the beginning or return to Binghamton has been smooth (for the most part) for all of you. I would like to (re)introduce myself. While many of you know me as Bren Dover, I think it is proper to formally introduce myself as Brennan Ciccolone, the current Editor-in-Chief of the Binghamton Review. Our former EIC, Aiden Miller, may he rest in peace, left an incredible legacy with this magazine. The people who helped build my experience with this organization play into every word I write in this magazine. Some of my fondest memories in my years here have been because of these lovable goofballs who took me under their wings. To Liam, Angelo, Daniel, Midas, Arthur, and Aiden, I hope you guys know how much I appreciate all that you’ve done for this publication, and for me. My goal for this and future issues is to do good by you guys. Now enough of this sappy malarkey. Our first issue of the semester is jam-packed with all the shenanigans that are familiar to us Binghamton students. We got takes on the Marketplace, Charlie Kirk, obnoxious philosophers, YOU NAME IT. Please enjoy our first of many editions for the upcoming semester :) .
All the best, Brennan Ciccolone
Our Mission Binghamton Review is a non-partisan, student-run news magazine founded in 1987 at Binghamton University. A true liberal arts education expands a student’s horizons and opens one’s mind to a vast array of divergent perspectives. The mark of true maturity is being able to engage with these perspectives rationally while maintaining one’s own convictions. In that spirit, we seek to promote the free and open exchange of ideas and offer alternative viewpoints not normally found on campus. We stand against dogma in all of its forms, both on campus and beyond. We believe in the tenents of free expression and believe all sudents should have a voice on campus to convey their thoughts. Finally, we understand that mutual respect is a necessary component of any prosperous society. We strive to inform, engage with, and perhaps even amuse our readers in carrying out this mission.
Views expressed by writers do not necessarily represent the views of the publication as a whole. review@binghamtonsa.org
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Advice Column We offered to give you all life advice. Here were your questions: I got crushed in the crowd push in front of Jamal’s Chicken Jamal is the kingpin of the marketplace, you quiet down What do you think about the new Panera?
Written by our Staff The guy next to me in class smells like shit Just switch out of being a CS major We ALL know Lindsay Clancy is guilty, right? You’re forgetting Leo’s don’t kill their cubs. Are we hyped for Gta 6? Lucia toes finna be done, nails, hair, lashes, birkin, chanel, coach, she get anything she want and more she never gotta do a heist unless she want too. New car, new crib, she never gon have to put the same fit on. Never gon clean, never gon cook, never gon do anything for herself im doing it all for her. She want a pink diamond like cayo perico, baby i got you.
Is Mein Bowl Mary really gone? She is in our hearts. And in Sams club. We’re holding a remembrance for Charlie Kirk, would the Binghamton Review cover it? Gun to my neck? Like yeah. Did Jamal’s chicken start the fire in the Union? What did I say about Jamal?
Do politicians start wars to deflect from the Epstein connection? Not Bush and Cheney, they did it for the love of the game. Freshman here… do you think I’ll eventually be quizzed on what Bing’s hex code is? They told me at orientation and I forgot :( Looks like SOMEONE isn’t winning a free pen at trivia night smh Why Bebe?
Is the Binghamton pisser coming back? Whenever Binghamton needs him… just send the Bax signal Clavicular stole my girl on stream, how can I get her back?
Yik Yak or Fizz?
Top Clavicular to show your dominance.
Yik Yak is old money, Fizz is new money.
Can Sodexo come back?
I’m having deep romantic feelings for the Baxter Bot. Is this normal?
SodexNO. C4 is serving enough slop as it is.
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Are you feeling 1) Excited 2) Neutral 3)Nervous/Overwhelmed
Vol. XXXIX, Issue I
BINGHAMTONREVIEW.ORG Does Bren Dover have a brother in The Butt?
THE RELATIONSHIP THEORY I got my fake stolen at Tom’s. Am I cooked?
There is no affiliation between Bren Dover and Ben Dover. But if I see Ben Dover on the streets, it’s on sight. I cannot breathe in the marketplace, who let all these people in? Someone should build a wall on the border of Long Island. Am I crazy or did the prices of food on campus increase? REVOLT NOW! The buses suck, how else can I get downtown? Just wait for the frat taxi. They’ll take you there. Probably. Chris Chan vs EDP445? Chris Chan uses his Sonichu amulet to awaken the spirits from CWCville. 0 Diff My roommate keeps playing League of Legends all day and won’t leave the dorm. Where can I go to jerk off? r/srs Ahh the age old question. Three words: Secret. Poetry. Room. Are Chloe and Ethan a thing? Worse. Did Trump win the Iran War?
I’m really nervous about the homeless population downtown, are they dangerous? Just let them be. In fact there’s a profound lesson in deep love that can be learned by gazing upon that homeless couple on the corner of state street. What should I do for Kirkaversary? You should be the Erika to my Kirk
Yeah, like 37 times
Is it still socially acceptable to crack a 67 joke during class?? I just can’t help myself!
Honestly, what’s so wrong with renaming it “Lake of America”?
Holy Unc
Spiritually Israeli
I want to party next thursday but 9/11 is the next day
It takes too long to get Dunkin, what should I do?
Black out for the troops
Grab somebody’s order, who’s gonna stop you
Commuter here, how do I make friends?
The girl in front of me in my lecture is playing mafia on roblox, it’s so distracting and I don’t know how to tell her to stop! Join her game and cyberbully her. Should work. Is Dave Parmesan still around or is he like an urban myth? Mortal eyes cannot gaze upon him, but trust he is here. Dolly Parton. Tim Curry. Who’s next? Charlie Kirk, and I would put money on that
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Need life advice? Email review@binghamtonsa.org for more wacky, quirky and zany responses.
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FOOD FOR THOUGHT
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Food For Thought By Broom
H
ello everyone, and welcome back to yet another year of the entire time I was eating, which is fucking absurd. I was actually more shocked that the people kept standing in line instead the Binghamton Review. If you are a freshman and you’re of rage-quitting and finding a vending machine. reading this article, I want you to read it thoroughly and carefully. I want you to understand that there have, in fact, been Also, and I don’t care that this may be a hot take, I acbetter times with the food services on campus. tually loved the Tully’s that was there. And I mean LOVED. Overpriced? Sure, but that shit always hit the spot. I’m not even The writing down below is the ramblings of a madgoing to bother trying to find a transition sentence for this next man (me), specifically during a remarkable crashout, and immediately after breaking down crying in the middle of the Marpart (I’m in a fit of rage) – there are so many people standketplace. Here is my story: ing right by Jamal’s chicken waiting for their orders or in line, and I genuinely cannot fathom that THAT place is actually that “AND YOU KNOW WHAT? good. It TRULY enrages me that a place like that is clogging up MEIN BOWL MARY IS AT the Marketplace; I swear to God, I’m [I had to redact this part, because there’s only so much I can legally say in this magazine]. FUCKING SAM’S CLUB!” The fries there aren’t even that good; it’s just a lot of spice for no I swear to god, I’m going to fucking lose it this year reason. People HAVE to be going to this place for the bit; it’s the – WATCH ME! It’s barely been one full week of the semester as only way I can wrap my head around it. of writing this, and I’m already crashing out. (Editor’s note: It’s And while we’re on the track of fuck-ass places… FIRE week two and I’m still crashing out). AND RICE? GIVE ME BACK MEIN BOWL. Please!!!! The I FUCKING HATE WHATEVER IS GOING ON WITH chicken here is SO. FUCKING. BAD. Not to mention, they got THE FOOD SERVICES. Just the other day, on Sunday, August rid of the old Boba place and combined it with this. There are 23rd, I ordered avocado toast at our Dunkin’. I was already now only FOUR options for pre-made Boba. starving, my stomach was growling, and all I wanted was this forsaken avocado toast. And since I ordered food, I only expected a relatively short wait while everyone else ordered drinks instead. Oh boy, was I wrong! I ended up waiting an hour and a half for my order to be ready. I never even got the reward of food either, since I had given up about 30 minutes in and ate a variety of vending machine snacks for lunch. As a side note, I’m building a map of all the vending machines on campus so that I have somewhere to run to when my ribs start showing between classes. To make matters worse, the Marketplace is no better than the Dunkin’ in the Union. You could even argue that it’s significantly worse! And I’d agree with you! I am genuinely, and I mean GENUINELY, so infuriated that they got rid of my precious Subway. It was perfect; any time I wanted a light yet filling meal, Subway was my go-to. Now, you (What I looked like while in the could say that the sandwiches there were dogshit, and I respect Marketplace, while writing this, while I your opinion (even though you make the sandwich yourself, exist at all times, really.) idiot); however, that place owned real estate in the deepest reOH! AND YOU KNOW WHAT? MEIN BOWL MARY IS AT gions of my heart. I complained about how slow it was and the FUCKING SAM’S CLUB! I miss her! I need her bright smiles horrific cross-contamination every single day, but that slopfest and optimistic attitude back in my routine. It is incredibly was our slopfest. Now, every time I walk into the Marketplace, I unfortunate that most of the Sodexo workers (some of whom look at its replacement with a deep-rooted resentment. we love) were laid off and had to find other jobs to keep them That new deli isn’t even that much of an improvement eiafloat. Some of these employees had been working on-camther, strictly speaking in terms of business management. One pus through Sodexo for decades. In addition to keeping Mein day, I got my routine chicken Tikka Masala from Royal Indian Bowl Mary in our hearts, I’d also like to mention Mark, who and sat down to eat right in front of the deli. I looked once at the worked in App and with whom I also made friends during my line and observed about 10 people in line. So then I started eattwo years in Mountainview (And who has also mysteriously ing, watching an old GMod Vanoss video, and I took my sweet disappeared). God BLESS! time to finish my meal. It’s been about 15-20 minutes since I AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?? WHY DO WE USE checked the deli line, so I checked again. There were now TWO GRUBHUB FOR FUCKING EVERYTHING?! Bring back LESS PEOPLE IN LINE! They only finished two orders during
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BINGHAMTONREVIEW.ORG calling out order numbers. How am I supposed to know how close my food is to being ready if I can only hear the loudest, most screech-like voice calling out “NATHAN!” and “REBECCAAAAAA!”? Why don’t I get a receipt anymore before my order comes out? I also know that whenever someone orders with Grubhub, the ticket printer makes such an ugly indicator noise to let employees know of a new order. Dude, imagine hearing that EVERY SECOND of EVERY DAY. I would genuinely end it all in front of everyone, and that is on God. AND I CAN’T EVER GET MY ORDER MADE BECAUSE SOME RAT (!!) ORDERED ON GRUBHUB AND THEY HAVE TO MAKE THAT ONE FIRST! It should be first-come, first-served, right!?!?!?!? [Journal entry over] I can’t help but wonder why everything went haywire all of a sudden. Why are so many people consistently in the Marketplace? Why are the sushi place and Royal Indian (the two places that are notorious for being quick) backed up, with lines reaching from one end of the Marketplace to another? My first theory is this: People just have way too much money now. It first started all the way back when Sodexo was in full swing. Paying $3,000 for a meal plan was absurd, particularly due to the fact that 2,000 of those dollars were put towards fees, meaning that you really only got $1,000 for actual food (Or “food,” depending on your opinion). It ended up being so frustrating that the students gloriously revolted against the wicked Sodexo and demanded to keep all $3,000 of their meal plan. Even though the students remained triumphant, it actually didn’t change a thing! In fact (!), I’m willing to argue that it made things even worse. Now, students with full meal plans have $3000 to spend in dining halls with the same food that’s three times more expensive. Terrific! But you know which place on campus has the same (kind of) food at the previous prices?? The Marketplace!! Why spend 9 dollars on a fuckass dining hall breakfast, when you could spend 7 dollars on a full meal from Royal? To students with a meal plan, this is great news. You get better food from the Marketplace at the same price (if not cheaper) as the dining hall. So, of course, you’re going to go to the Marketplace. However, the gripe is with commuting students who do not have thousands of dollars on a Convenience plan. You see, I go to the Marketplace to find food, because it is the place on campus with prices that are similarly adjusted to the actual economy. On the other hand, the dining hall prices are adjusted to the on-campus currency, and the students have three times as much money as usual. If I want to budget semi-responsibly (which is vital for someone as broke as me), I have to go to the Marketplace. I’d rather have a slightly overpriced roll of sushi than a super overpriced basket of two chicken tenders with a 60% chance of giving me food poisoning. To bring this back around: On-campus students have WAY too much money, and it was a mistake making meal plans the full $3,000 dollars instead of the usual $1,000. However, I do think the better route to take would be just not charging the students $3,000 at all. Just charge $1,000 for the meal plan,
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FOOD FOR THOUGHT and the students use that same $1,000 for food. Bada bing, bada boom. “But Broom, what about the $2,000 fee that they used to pay the workers and other food services?!” Listen, I would have agreed with that sentiment about a year ago. However, it’s apparent that they don’t actually use that fee for anything because there is no fee this year. If that fee was real, students would be paying $5,000 for a $3,000 meal plan, right? But they aren’t. So what was really the point of those extra 2,000 dollars!? My second theory is much simpler: The dining hall just fucking sucks. As previously mentioned, the food is likely to make you ill in one way or another—trust me, I know. Under the reign of Sodexo, the dining halls failed multiple health code rules and inspections. I remember when cockroaches were prevalent in App, not to mention the rat infestation in C4. Furthermore, I’ve had friends actually get their money back because meats, such as pork and chicken, were undercooked. Sometimes the dining halls are genuinely heinous, and any student with common sense would rather go to the Marketplace than eat there. Some other students have proposed using meal swipes instead of dining dollars, and I can see why they would suggest such a thing. I mean, using meal swipes can help mend the issue of dining prices, particularly in the dining halls. Why care about the prices of the food when you’ve already swiped? You could also get a small amount and an egregious amount of food for the same price, so to speak. However, the downside to this is wasting meal swipes. We have all experienced those evenings. We walk into the dining hall, look at all the options, and none of the options look appealing in the slightest. I can’t recount all the times I’ve walked into App and walked out with no food (Who the fuck wants London broil?). Fortunately, in those scenarios, I wasted no money. With meal swipes, however, you would waste a meal swipe by not getting any food, so you’d either accept the loss or force yourself to eat pig slop and gruel for dinner. You win some, you lose some, I guess. So what now? The food services suck butt, the dining halls are obnoxiously expensive, and everyone is on the verge of going apeshit in the Marketplace. Is there something we could do to fix the food services? Is it mendable by resetting the meal plans? Did we actually have it better under Sodexo? I really wonder. Just some food for thought (pun kinda intended).
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#NOT MY BAXTER
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#NOT MY BAXTER By Syofyo
A
ered Baxfie Nations’s fanfiction, “An Actual Dead Serious Fans a student of Binghamton University, I think I hold a cerfic About Baxter and Wolfie,” which makes it rather clear that tain amount of pride for my institution. Although I cannot Baxter has no friends; he is broke as fuck, and as a meta manispeak for everyone, I’m sure that after taking a glance at the acfestation of the university, no one cares about him. Meanwhile, ceptance rate, we all saw our letters and went “hah, nice”. Now, Wolfie is supposedly the most popular guy around in Mascot that being said, the Bing nationalism held amongst students isn’t Land (Deadass that’s the name of this? Couldn’t come up with astronomical; it’s not even close to the (misplaced) raging naranything a little more creative?). This only brought me to the cissism of U Albany. But readers, I write this article as a call to conclusion that Baxter does cocaine to distract himself from the arms. Binghamton University is facing a threat like no other, a fact that he is such a loser… great. But hang on, wait, hello? Go most heinous smear campaign against our very dignity. A plight back, in what world is Stony Brook, of all places, more relevant so ferocious that no father will ever get to say, “Forbes rated than Binghamton?? Last I heard, Stony Brook’s shit-ass dorms Binghamton the #1 public Ivy in the country,” around the grill to were flooding from some moderate rain (Sub-5 infrastructure his buddies anymore. Yes, reader, @Baxfie Nation has launched mogged by the gigachad brutalist architecture of Binghamton, a social media attack like no other, dragging the good name of calm flex), and that was like, a year ago? Haven’t heard from Binghamton University through the mud, and none of us are angry enough. them since. Anyways, Wolfie is the one who has to narcan Baxter back to life after his drug overdose, and at this point, I don’t “@Baxfie Nation has headcannoned think they’re even dating yet; I think they’re just friends? Idk, the Baxter, the anthropomorphic repre timeline is a little unclear, but wowza, what a way to introduce a sentation of our student body and relationship; draining an entire can of Narcan on a bitch to bring the furry manifestation of the uni‘ em back to life. Which, an ENTIRE CAN OF NARCAN??? This cannot possibly be scientifically accurate, @Baxfie Nation; versity as a whole, as a total fucking please, be reasonable. How can one read that the mascot of their loser.” school had to take down an ENTIRE can of Narcan and feel any sense of pride? I was enraged at this. Baxter can’t do anything If you are one to go outside and touch grass, you might be thinkright; bitch can’t even decorate cupcakes correctly!! ing, ‘What the fuck are you talking about?’ an unfortunately reaWhat may be even worse is that Baxter is completely aware sonable question. To try and phrase this in the simplest of terms, that he’s a complete failure, as his third most prominent charac@Baxfie Nation is a social media user whose entire discography ter trait, after being a loser and cocaine addict, is being insecure consists of Baxter the Bearcat from Binghamton University and about how much of a loser he is. In the fanfiction “My Moon”, Wolfie the Seawolf from Stonybrook engaging in romantic (and Baxter asks Wolfie why he loves him, especially considering sometimes rather erotic) entanglements. Yeah, that’s correct: the how much of a fat chud he is. And Wolfie’s answer is strange, to mascots. Now, I feel I must make it clear that I am no stranger say the very least. He likes Baxter because he is a loser?? I don’t to fandoms or shipping; I would even go so far as to say I am a know, maybe it turns him on. To be fair to Baxfie Nation, I think war veteran of such affairs. But, dear reader, I will be honest: they were going for the classic ‘I like you because you treat me this stopped me in my tracks: ‘People ship the mascots?’ This in like a normal person and not a celebrity’ trope. But it failed, beitself is not the issue; if anything, I think I was rather, dare I cause Wolfie never says that?? He just quite literally tells Baxter say, delighted (?) to strike such gold while scrolling through my that he is fucking irrelevant, and that he’s the coolest, most popTikTok For You Page. The issue I have with Baxfie Nation is their ular person ever, and “I love you”. Like, okay, thank you captain ABYSMAL characterization of Baxter the Bearcat. I can’t say I obvious for restating everything we knew. I just…are people not have channeled much of my energy into headcannoning our beupset by this?? Baxfie Nation’s comment sections, albeit small, loved mascot; I can’t really say I’ve ever thought about it at all. are full of positive feedback!! Encouraging such defamation! I But one simple glance at Baxfie Nation’s ship art and comics had was flabbergasted at the sight! me shaking with rage. Yes, readers of the Binghamton Review, @ Baxfie Nation has headcannoned Baxter, the anthropomorphic representation of our student body and the furry manifestation of the university as a whole, as a total fucking loser. And I do not use the word “loser” lightly. Where to even begin? Perhaps first that Baxter is addicted to coke?? You heard me. Baxter the Bearcat is a raging cocaine addict, and the fact that he does coke is actually one of Baxter’s defining characteristics, as shown in both the comics and the ongoing fanfiction posted on AO3 (I know, I can’t believe it exists either). With some light research (stalking), I uncov-
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BINGHAMTONREVIEW.ORG Some time has passed since my first discovery of @Baxfie Nation’s posts. I have thoroughly ruminated on the content; I have hypothesized and experimented, and, readers, I have uncovered a horrifying conspiracy. Before I unveil, though, I must restate again: I am a veteran of the internet. My early days were spent lurking around the darkest corners of Tumblr; I have scrolled ED Twitter and witnessed fan art of rare pairs the average mind could not even begin to fathom. There was something about Baxfie as a ship that was just so familiar to me. It was as if I had seen it before…. And then it hit me. Let me take you back to 2019. I was in middle school, and Tumblr called to me how a geek bar calls to someone who is definitely “not addicted.” This was the dark age after the grand collapse of the musical craze. New content on such topics had essentially been halted; yet there were still plenty of rivers and valleys to explore. And explore I did. Readers, would you believe me if I said that the ship, Baxfie, is just the product of reheated nachos from the Hamilton fandom? More so, would you believe me if I said that Baxter X Wolfie is just the reinvented form of Thomas Jefferson x James Madison? Indeed, I have substantial proof that Baxfie stems from the original JeffMads ship from the prime of Hamilton Tumblr. Let us begin. First, of course, we have Baxter. He fits the perfect character archetype that James Madison was once sorted into: a total loser. Yes, the fourth president of the United States of America was largely headcannoed as a gay, antisocial, pathetic loser. One who also loved to bake… much like another bearcat we know.
#NOT MY BAXTER did fucking nothing with his presidency… really representing the Binghamton student body well, guys. Can you all see why I am so infuriated with Baxfie Nation?? Even if my conspiracy is false, that almost makes it worse!! That means there was no previous loser archetype for Baxfie Nation to use to mold Baxter’s oc personality, and they truly think this lowly of us! “We are a good, respectable in stitution, and we shall not be portrayed as a coke-addicted,
gay loser any longer”
If you have made it this far… you are a true soldier. I’m sure you are all feeling rather shaken at such dreadful revelations. But all the more, I urge you readers, to channel this shock, channel this disgust, and create change. WE should all be gathering together; WE should all be angry!! This is what Baxfie Nation thinks of us; we are no better than Jemmy Madison. Rage against the machine, Binghamton University, rage against the dying light of mascot fanfiction! We cannot stand for this. We cannot allow Baxfie Nation to play in our faces like this. We are a good, respectable institution, and we shall not be portrayed as a coke-addicted, gay loser any longer. The mascot revolution (much like the American Revolution) begins. (In light of all this, please, no one send any hate to my goat Baxfie Nation or their creations. I am their biggest fan)
(Isn't the resemblance striking?) And then there is Thomas Jefferson, always characterized as the loud, narcissistic, and endlessly popular man, VERY much like a certain sea wolf we’ve become acquainted with. Jeffmads, as a ship, was interesting to view as an outsider, as it seemed like it was rather one-sided, perhaps? James Madison, or popularly dubbed ‘Jemmy,’ was such a fucking loser that he was typically portrayed as suicidal; he rarely showed charming characteristics, as opposed to Thomas, who was so suave and so cool that no one could be on his level. Is this not just “My Moon” all over again?? Is Baxter not so pathetic that he attempts to kill himself via a cocaine overdose? Am I the only one who’s putting these pieces together? Which brings me to a new problem. Why do we have to be James Madison?? That is objectively the worst of the early presidents to be. At a startling 5’4 James Madison
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ABSURDISM
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Absurdism: Philosophy for Facebook Moms
If the absurd says life is meaningless, then where does that leave morality? Acting as a good person is one of the biggest By Donovan Dougherty parts of living meaningfully for most people. Camus gives us the answer to that in his novel The Stranger. The protagonist, hilosophy is a constantly ebbing and flowing aspect of pop Meursault, shoots an Arab man on the beach for the sole reason culture. Stoicism, Nihilism, and Postmodernism all had that the sun was in his eye. Camus holds Meursault as a hero their day in the sun, being placed next to shitty self-help books for accepting his absurd condition, but in doing so, Meursault written by pseudo-spiritual women from Portland. But now a acts solely on sensation and completely abandons morality. If new contender has arrived: Absurdism. objective morals did exist then they would be an independent Absurdism appears at first to just be another pop culture universal truth for all people, which breaks the idea of the unifad philosophy that’ll be relegated to another worthless topverse being completely indifferent to the human condition. The ic at Barnes and Noble; however, for some reason it has been only consistent absurdist position is to act in whichever way you accepted as a serious philosophy by professors and philosophy feel is best for revolting against the absurd. So, absurdists can’t students. It’s really mind-boggling considering how bad it is as judge me for jumping Baxter in the Union tomorrow. Baxter’s a serious idea. green costume really hurts my eyes, and I’m just accepting the To start, let’s discuss what Absurdism is. Absurdism is a absurd by doing what I want regardless of how it affects others. Continental Philosophy developed by French author Albert One big source of external meaning would be God, so Camus. Camus had long believed that life had no set meaning, Camus must have some killer arguments against God’s exisbut he started to drift from most like-minded colleagues who tence, right? Nope, but God is a pretty big deal for meaning. believed that man needed to create his own meaning in a meanChristian and Jewish scholars often have a tendency to see God ingless world. Camus preached that the search for meaning was as the good itself, meaning any good thing in the world is an both instinctive and harmful. He defined this chaotic situation essence of God. Meaning is quite simple for Christians and Jews, – the absurd. the good meaningful life is following God’s commandments be “Meaning is internal, dependednt on how cause God is good. Similarly, Muslims see Allah as embodying we feel, not externally.” goodness and Mohammad, as his messenger, provides the howto guide for a meaningful life. These beliefs explain why atheism The absurdity is the human need to try to find meaning in a is axiomatic to absurdism, because if God exists, then meaning meaningless universe. The solution? To live happily, accepting can be found in it. If you read The Plague in an English class and meaninglessness with a smile as a revolt against the absurd. now want to be an absurdist, you’re going to need to become an The Sisyphus myth, a Greek myth of a man condemned atheist. Regardless, many self-described absurdists will continue to roll a boulder up a hill every day by Zeus for eternity, was to argue life is absurd, then put some random Bible quote in co-opted by Camus to display his philosophy of man in an abtheir Instagram bio to be as performative as possible. surd universe. The reach of absurdism is incredible because this Suicide probably would be the most reasonable answer to myth became known in the public consciousness mostly bethe absurd, but Camus says suicide is a no-go. Why? Well, that cause of Camus. would just be surrendering to the absurd rather than solving it. Now that we’ve discussed what absurdism is, it’s time to But Camus also believes the absurd can’t be solved. Essentially, discuss why it is a horrid philosophy to live by. To do this, let’s Camus does not want you to commit suicide for aura points. discuss some important questions for absurdism: how do abIn all seriousness though, how can absurdism expect someone surdists prove the absurd, how do absurdists view morality, how to just slog through a meaningless world just so you can feel do absurdists deal with theology, and how do absurdists deal proud you didn’t surrender early. A real answer to suicide is that with suicide? either the world has meaning or that people can create their To prove the meaninglessness of the universe, absurdists own meaning, justifying continuing life so they can reach that point to how small we are compared to infinity, the boundless meaning. expanse of space and time. As humans we can comprehend inThe world is chaotic, and lives get destroyed based on the finity, but we are bound to be finite creatures. Human wants, flip of a coin. Despite this, the meaning is still found everywhere. needs, and struggles seem ridiculous compared to that. Now The absurdists call accepting religion, philosophy, or science for does my toilet flooding before class weigh up to infinity? Obmeaning “philosophical suicide”, yet it’s these ideas that carry viously not, but so what if it doesn’t? A breakup, a death in the people forward with a moral center. The absurdists’ weak premfamily, or the birth of a child does give meaning to people even if ises only further muddy the philosophical waters. Next time you it only affects their little corner of the world and isn’t important plan on having an existential crisis, go buy a motorcycle or get in the grand scheme of humankind. The absurdist misses that a tattoo because these will make your life infinitely better than meaning is internal, dependent on how we feel, not externally using absurdism. based on how vast or daunting infinity is.
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Vol. XXXIX, Issue I
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CHARLIE KIRK
Charlie’s One Year In Heaven: 1AK
By Lily Starr
eath penalties should be public, should D be quick, it should be televised” -Charlie Kirk
BC? AD? BCE? BC? I hate to break it to you, especially if you’re a history major, but NONE of these time markers are relevant anymore. Almost exactly one year ago, vigilant republican podcaster, college student debater, and Turning Point founder Charlie Kirk was assassinated by the worst of them all: A White Man. A literal turning point in history, his death occurred on September 10th, 2025, and a huge divide rippled the world as a result. So-called liberals entered a debate: do we mourn a death, a life, a man with a family? (Dean Withers’ side). Or do we celebrate the removal from the planet of a racist, bigoted incel? (smart side). This is only one of the many, many topics that arose from his loss. Such a riveting event calls for a new time marker: AK, After Kirk. One of the larger debates resulting from his death was the question of if his death was conducted by the government or truly the act of alleged assassin Tyler Robinson. There have been multiple voices expressing concern over the assassin’s identity. At an FBI conference following Kirk’s death, Utah Governor Spencer Cox said he prayed that the man suspected of shooting Charlie Kirk “wouldn’t be one of us” (Al Jazeera). What qualifies as “one of us”? Surely, he didn’t mean a white American male. If you ask Candace Owens, then it would mean a regular U.S. citizen. Candace Owens was Kirk’s former best friend, a fellow podcast host and debater. She is somewhat known for claiming that a larger force was behind Kirk’s murder, a force that starts with “I” and ends with “srael”. She notes how a few weeks before his death, he was complaining about pro-Israel donors, an unusual move for the conservative. She believes his deviation from typical conservative support for Israel resulted in him becoming a target for the U.S. and Israeli governments. Owens is also a popular supporter of the idea that widow Erika Kirk plays a role in Charlie’s death. In her YouTube series “Bride Of Charlie” she investigates Mrs. Kirk and her shady family background..
What qualifies Owens for such outrageous claims about Charlie Kirk? Why does she seem closer to him than his own wife? I have one piece of evidence that may prove their closeness. Charlie Kirk heavily despised “degenerate Hip-Hop stuff,” and said people should stop listening to rap, “and go back to
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listening to the music that built our civilization” (103weup). Clearly, Kirk is ruled by racist ideology. In a screenshot posted by Owens of the pair’s direct messages, Kirk exclaims, “When Nicky drops I lose my mind”. He puts his hate on pause just for Owens, proving their closeness. At the end of the day, perhaps it is better to think of Owens as a conspiracy theorist rather than an actual journalistic podcaster. Either way, the death of her best friend has helped her career launch into new heights as her investigations rally supporters. Enough about Candace Owens. Let’s go back to Tyler Robinson. A detail in this case he is known for is the messages written on his bullets. These include phrases such as “notices, bulges, OWO, what’s this?”, “Hey, fascist, catch”, and “You’re gay LMAO” (NPR). Spencer Cox claims that these phrases are indicative of far-leftist ideology. Chances are, Cox is trying to find some sort of way to cope with the true identity of Kirk’s killer. In an NPR interview, Ryan Broderick, author of the newsletter called Garbage Day and host of the podcast “Panic World”, goes into the true meaning behind these bullet descriptions. He says, “I think the thing to really focus on here is that Tyler Robinson is of a generation that has grown up in America where there have always been school shootings, always been spree shootings. And many young people, many young extremists that we have seen come out of the woodwork over the last few years since the pandemic see public violence as a path towards fame, towards glory, another way to go viral” (Broderick). One possible reason for Kirk’s death, according to Broderick, is the need for fame in a world where insane events are becoming increasingly normalized. Why reach for fame through methods like acting or TikTok content creation when you can commit murder?
Whether or not that was Robinson’s motive, or if he was in fact the true killer, the loss of such a prominent Republican had revealed many flaws to members of the party (like Owens!). Some may even argue that violence is one of the more successful ways to make ignorant billionaires listen to the working class. To each their own. At the end of it all, it is impossible to deny that in one year since Kirk’s death, much has changed in the sociocultural state of the world, thus resulting in the need for the use of AK.
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Vol. XXXIX, Issue I
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KIOSKS
The Death of Small Talk: A Critique of the Kiosks By Bren Dover
W
elcome back, readers! As another semester starts, so do the vast “improvements” promised by the university. Among these new editions, we have a brand-spanking-new Panera, an updated marketplace, and a complex system of Grubhub ordering machines. These machines are referred to as Kiosks. At first, to me, it seemed convenient. They allowed me to skip the lines and order directly what I wanted without having to deal with another person, while appearing at my most disheveled. We, as a campus, are no strangers to these devices. Recently, however, I have noticed a significant increase in the number of Kiosks. They are embedded at Dunkin’, Marketplace, Einstein Bros, and the new Panera. All well and good, but what else caught my eye was the elimination of the cashier role in many of these places. It was silent and quick, like a puff of Snozzberry vape smoke vanishing into the night. It took me by surprise to walk up to the cash register at Einstein Bros to order from my goat, Donna Swackhammer, only to be turned away and told to order at the Kiosks. I remember feeling quite cheated. I recalled all of my lovely memories of talking to the notable workers who are oh so appreciated by the student body, and soon realized that those interactions may become a thing of the past. The emergence of these Kiosks speaks to a greater issue of social interaction, what I refer to as the death of small talk. A simple social interaction, whether it was taken for granted or not, was suddenly cut out of our daily routine. It has been said time and time again that humans are social creatures and require social interaction. On some level, we miss out on an important part of human interaction. Speaking honestly, it’s rare for me to go out of my way to talk to strangers. For this reason, I appreciate the forced interaction with a service worker whenever it comes up. I learned to value what they had to say. I learned their personalities. On the rare occasion, I gained a relationship with them so advanced that they knew exactly what I wanted as soon as they saw my face. I valued those who took my order as people and acquaintances. Getting to know them was rewarding, simply for the reason that I got to learn things about a new and interesting person. What I argue is that the rise of Kiosks is partly responsible for the decline of these valuable face-to-face interactions, because they are no longer deemed “necessary.” With this, there is a certain harm that comes with missing out on these potential relationships. Additionally, no longer being able to form a respectful perspective on those who make and serve the food prevents us from humanizing them. Like the Kiosks, interactions become robotic. On a similar note, getting to know the notable names in food service on campus allows a culture to form based on the colorful personalities of food workers. Those who have been at Binghamton University for more than a year now can probably
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name the lovely individuals who have happily served the student body, such as Donna Swackhammer, Dunkin Chad, and Mein Bowl Mary (R.I.P). Something interesting I have noticed is how these names unite students. These names became culturally significant to the student body and allowed the student body to identify key points of a “Binghamton University identity”. People have these shared experiences that are brought about by these workers, and they become appreciated on a larger scale. With the rise of digital ordering, however, we miss out on these fun cultural experiences that, perhaps, would have been really fun to post on Yik Yak. It is a wall, not just between the students and the workers, but between students and each other. My final point, which follows the idea of building walls between students, is that the Kiosks eliminate the simple social interactions that happen between a consumer and a service worker that fuel people’s social skills. Simply practicing manners and small talk allows one’s people skills to improve. There is little to no severity in these conversations, so allowing oneself to practice showing one’s personality and being receptive to the other person’s personality can yield gratifying results. This is especially true when applied to other areas of one’s life, such as partying, interviews, and community building. Going about your day and forcing yourself to be social with someone serving you food allows you to build confidence and assurance in your sociability. With robotic systems like Kiosks, however, they cut out social interaction completely in the name of introverted convenience. What I suspect is that there is a feedback loop that started with kids who grew up in an age of hyper-digital communication and isolation due to COVID-19. Younger generations, including our own, are not used to social interaction and are sometimes uncomfortable with it altogether. In order to appeal to these habits of our generation, Kiosks are introduced to cut out that uncomfortable social interaction. What happens, however, is that introverted and individualist practices become much more universal, and our level of sociability decreases. If you have heard of the Gen-Z stare, you know that it comes from a place of not knowing what to do during a social interaction, simply because someone is not accustomed to social interaction at all. Objectively, this is not good. I said before that humans are social animals, and yet we see our social levels drastically deteriorate. I am not saying the Kiosks are solely to blame; I even admit how convenient they are, but the effects are problematic. I suggest allowing us the choice between engaging with a Kiosk or a worker at the respective locations. This allows us to keep the convenience of a Kiosk, while keeping the social level that is valued by talking to another human. Personally, I wish to keep my optimistic love of people, which, I suspect, is fueled by the many interesting interactions I have with those around me. Most importantly, the valued employees of the University. Vol. XXXIX, Issue I
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