RECEIVING WHAT WE GIVE
RECEIVING WHAT WE GIVE When I have examined suffering, I have often noticed a common belief that we get our spiritual uplift from something external. This is a trap of trying to extract from externals. We tell ourselves: "I need bigger mountains, a clearer day, less heat, more fun, more free time, more money, better car, better house, a more attentive lover, something more dramatic." As we do that, the outflow of appreciation is blocked – and thus, the sense of transcendence or true spiritual uplift becomes harder and harder to reach. We have great power in our choices. We can choose – at any time, with anything – to extend love and appreciation to anything and anyone around us. And we will be instantly lifted up by our choice. We are in control of the outflow. There is nothing that prevents us from exercising our right to give love. The key is to realize that the power lies with us. We don't need to chase love and appreciation; instead, we can offer those things, and immediately experience them. Years ago, I was introduced to Metta Meditation by a Buddhist teacher. There are many variations on this practice of a simple meditation on offering wellness, kindness, peace, safety, and freedom from suffering to all beings beginning with yourself. Many people find it difficult to offer these compassionate gifts to themselves. If we feel that we are lacking something – kindness, for example, then process that works is to offer that very quality to people in our life. In this way we give what we also want to receive. The "outflow" of kindness creates a simultaneous "inflow" of kindness – and sure enough, we begin to feel it. Although there may be some internal resistance at first, this “Metta” practice produces positive results.
The realization that we receive what we give is an empowering one. Instead of spending our time chasing limited external sources, we can spend our time giving from eternal internal sources – and thus immediately experiencing them. The power is in our hands, because we are always free to give love. We are not limited in any way in the focus of the outflow of our love and appreciation. Dramatic scenery might easily evoke a sense of awe and appreciation. But we can give appreciation to a single fallen leaf, or the sound of a cricket, or a little breeze. The power is entirely ours. Even a city street can be perceived through the lens of appreciation. There is beauty to be seen there as well. As we extend thoughts of appreciation to the cityscape, it will be reflected back to us in just the same way that a natural setting would. Here is a simple experiment: Choose a simple object and allow yourself to focus on it with thoughts of gratitude, thankfulness, and love. Any object in your environment will work. See how you feel as you extend appreciation to that thing. You may find, as you do this, that the little simple object is as wonderful of a mirror for your appreciation as any giant mountain. If we first draw upon the gifts of our inner spiritual heart, we experience a sense of inner peace, appreciation, and love. As we access that, we can then extend that love to others. I find that most people who are exhausted by giving (and I've certainly been there myself!) are primarily focusing on external forms of giving that have specific expected outcomes. But if we let our inner spiritual heart guide us, we may be inspired to simply and effortlessly allow ourselves to offer some loving thoughts, a kind word, or a smile without expectations of reward or outcomes. It is wonderful to allow ourselves to be inspired by what we send out. If we do this, giving will be a way to multiply our internal blessings rather than just another item on the "to do" list.
A common axiom in psychology is that we will always experience the thoughts that we extend to others. So, we could say that on a deep level, there's no way for us to avoid "giving to get." I sometimes use the metaphor of a garden hose. When water flows out through a garden hose, that water touches the inside of the hose first. Regardless of where the water eventually ends up, it first comes into contact with the hose. In the same way, our thoughts of lovingkindness, compassion, and appreciation first touch our own minds. Perhaps the thoughts multiply as they reach other people. Perhaps they don't. If other people don't understand, choose to accept, or choose to share them, that's beyond our control. But our thoughts always impact us. They touch us first. We are the ones who are most immediately affected by them. When we awaken to this process, we will begin to more consistently practice sending forth thoughts of lovingkindness, compassion, forgiveness, and peace into the world. We will begin to see that sending these thoughts out will, first positively benefit us. When we awaken to this process, we will also see those thoughts of critical judgment, blame, bitterness, resentment, and shame, regardless of who they are directed towards, will negatively sabotage us. At a deeper level, "giving to get" is a principle that teaches us that we always "get" the thoughts and feelings that we send out. We are always receiving the experiences what we offer.