NARCISSISTIC CHECKLIST
NARCISSISTIC CHECKLIST By Karyl McBride Ph.D. (www.karylmcbridephd.com) When something goes wrong, does your partner or family member blame everyone but himself or herself? Does your partner or family member refuse to be accountable for his or her bad behavior? (For example, “You made me so mad that I couldn’t help . . .”) Does your partner or family member believe he or she is always right? Is your partner or family member unable to tune in to your feelings or your children’s feelings? Does your partner or family member seem more concerned about how your behavior or your children’s behavior reflects on him or her than on understanding and accepting who you and the kids are as people? Does your partner or family member seem to be out of touch with his or her own feelings or seem to deny them? Does your partner or family member carry grudges against you and others? Is it all about your partner or family member and his/her money, time, parenting time, property, and wishes/demands? Does your partner or family member seem unwilling to listen to you and to hear your concerns? Is your partner or family member constantly telling you what to do? Does your partner or family member make you feel “not good enough”? Have your partner or family member’s constant putdowns caused you to internalize this message?
Does your partner or family member never ask about you, your day, or your feelings, even in passing? Does your partner or family member need to go on and on about how great he or she is and how pathetic you are? Does your partner or family member lie? Does your partner or family member manipulate? Does your partner or family member tell different people different stories about the same event, spinning the story so that he or she looks good? When your partner or family member talks about his or her kids, is it about what the kids do rather than who they are? Are the children uncomfortable with your partner or family member, love your partner or family member, but at the same time are reluctant to spend time with him or her? Have you come to realize that the kids protect themselves by not sharing their feelings with your partner or family member? Does your partner or family member mistrust everyone? Are the kids always trying to gain your partner or family member’s love and approval? Has your partner or family member spent minimal time with the children? Does your partner or family member typically skip the children’s events if he or she does not have an interest in that particular activity or does not value it? Does your partner or family member push the children to be involved in activities that your partner or family member likes or values and discourage or forbid them from pursuing activities that your partner or family member does not value?
Have others in your life said that something is different or strange about your partner or family member? Does your partner or family member take advantage of other people? Is your partner or family member all about power and control, pursuing power at all costs? Is your partner or family member all about image and how things look to others? Does your partner or family member seem to have no value system, no fixed idea of right and wrong for his or her behavior? After a divorce or leaving home, , does your partner or family member still want to exploit you? Or has your partner or family member never calmed down? When you try to discuss your life issues with your partner or family member, does your partner or family member change the subject so that you end up talking about your partner or family member’s issues? When you describe your feelings, does your partner or family member try to top your feelings with his or her own stories? Does your partner or family member act jealous of you? Does your partner or family member lack empathy? Does your partner or family member only support things that reflect well on him or her? Have you consistently felt a lack of emotional closeness with your partner or family member? Have you consistently questioned if your partner or family member loves you? Does your partner or family member do considerate things for you only when others are around to witness that good behavior?
When something difficult happens in your life (for instance, an accident, illness, a divorce in your family or circle of friends), does your partner or family member react with immediate concern about how it will affect him or her rather than with concern for you? Is your partner or family member overly conscious of what others think? Do you feel used by your partner or family member? Do you feel responsible for your partner or family member’s ailments or sicknesses? Do you feel that your partner or family member does not accept you? Is your partner or family member critical and judgmental of you and others? Do you feel that your partner or family member does not know and value the real you and does not want to know the real you? Does your partner or family member act as if the world should revolve around him or her? Does your partner or family member appear phony to you? Does your partner or family member swing from grandiosity to a depressed mood? Does your partner or family member try to compete with you? Does your partner or family member always have to have things his or her way? (Source: Karyl McBride Ph.D. Will I Ever Be Free of You? How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist, and Heal Your Family.)