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Charity No. 1103635

A guide to help you during your bereavement

HospiceCare is a local independent charity. We provide holistic and compassionate care and support to adults and their families who live in North Northumberland.

Berwick Harbour

“No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.” “At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.” (A Grief Observed. C.S. Lewis. P5,1996).

Contents About us............................................................................................................. 1 What is grief....................................................................................................... 2 You are not alone............................................................................................... 3 Self-care.............................................................................................................. 4 Your first step..................................................................................................... 5 Registering the death......................................................................................... 9 Tell Us Once...................................................................................................... 12 Stopping junk mail............................................................................................ 13 Checklist........................................................................................................... 14 The funeral....................................................................................................... 15 Funeral choices................................................................................................. 16 Paying for the funeral....................................................................................... 17 Bereavement services...................................................................................... 18 Pre-bereavement.............................................................................................. 21 Veterans awareness.......................................................................................... 23 Hospice at Home.............................................................................................. 24 Dementia service.............................................................................................. 25 If in crisis........................................................................................................... 26

About us Hospice Care North Northumberland is a local charity dedicated to providing expert, nursing care and support to adults and their families living with a lifelimiting illness. At the heart of what we do is our Hospice at Home service, which delivers high-quality end-of-life palliative care in the comfort and familiarity of a person’s own home. We know how important it is for many people to spend their final days surrounded by loved ones in a place they know and cherish. With the support of our experienced care team, we help make that choice possible. Our hospice care is accessed through referral by a GP, District Nurse, or other healthcare professional, and is always tailored to meet each individual’s unique needs – offering not only clinical care but also practical guidance during one of life’s most difficult times. In addition to our hospice services, we also provide specialist Bereavement Support and Dementia Support, which can be accessed directly through selfreferral. This means that individuals and families do not need to go through a healthcare professional to reach us – they can contact us themselves for guidance, understanding, and support at any stage of their journey. As a registered charity, we rely on the generosity of our community to enable us to continue providing our care free at the point of need. Thanks to that support, we are also able to offer additional services including Bereavement Support and Dementia Support, both available through self-referral. We are here when it matters most – ensuring that no one faces the end of life alone, and that every moment is met with dignity, compassion, and respect.

What is grief? Grief is an emotion that is experienced by every human in some form, yet it never feels simple, easy or tidy. It’s not just “sadness” it is whole body, whole life response to losing someone that mattered to you and who you loved. When someone we love has died, our minds and our bodies are trying to make sense of the world that has now changed. We are now experiencing emotional, physical and cognitive feelings that we may not have felt before. People experience symptoms of grief in their chest, they are unable to sleep, they lose concentration, they have no interest and feel that things will never get better. You are now facing life in a new world and you have to make sense of your new identity. Grief is an individual experience, and can be sometimes described as waves.

Grief is like the ocean, it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim. Vicki Harrison

Moving in waves of sadness, anger, frustrations and a sense of dumbing. It is not unusual for people to feel a sense of guilt and “what if” moments, social withdrawal, and even hallucinations of the deceased. It is generally considered a healthy, albeit painful, adjustment process. This can be exhausting, can make you restless and lack concentration. None of these feelings are wrong. Normal grief is a natural, non-linear, and intensely personal reaction to significant loss, which can last for months or years without a set timeline. Grief is a natural reaction to loss, which manifests itself in emotional pain or sadness. It can occur when you lose someone or something that you care about (Mental Health UK, 2024).

You are not alone - we are here to help guide you and support you If you have received this booklet, it is because you have recently been bereaved. From all the staff at Hospice Care North Northumberland, we would like to express our deepest sympathy to you and your family at this very difficult time. We hope you find this booklet helpful in offering guidance in the first few days or weeks of your bereavement. The booklet can be used as a practical guide to help you be organised in a time that can be very overwhelming. Inevitably, there are certain practical issues that need to be organised when someone dies and this booklet aims to advise you on what needs to be done. If you feel that you need further support, advice or help, please do speak to us. 3

Self-care Before we talk about what we need to do for when a loved one has died, it is important to practice and maintain self-care. Often this is the last thing on your mind, but this can help us regulate our bodies and bring us back to the present moment, helping us to pay attention to our thoughts and feelings. Self-compassion can help you build resilience, when your body and mind are grieving and trying to make sense of things. The benefits from trying different forms of Mindfulness will help you to think clearly, whilst helping to sleep when we can or at least rest. Journaling Often writing our thoughts down in a book can help us make sense of things. Yoga Yoga is excellent at balancing the body, bringing us back to the present moment. Different forms of holistic therapy at a time of feeling overwhelmed and confused; this is very good at restoring a sense of balance, as they massage the pressure points. Walking Walking has many benefits, it helps to clear our thoughts, generate serotonin and endorphins. Breath Work Variety of techniques may be used to calm the mind, ease breathlessness, de-escalate anxiety and improve sleep.

Your first step The first thing to remember is your loved one will need to be cared for in a sensitive and dignified manner. You must respect your loved one’s culture and their wishes. Take some time with your loved one before making the necessary phone calls to family and local services. You will need to speak to the following services when: They have died at home and the death was expected In some cases, you may have a Hospice Care nurse or support team supporting you, and they will help guide you. A medical professional must come to verify the death before you can contact a funeral director. Contacting your local GP surgery who will arrange for a doctor or senior nurse to attend in person. If they died at night, call NHS 111 and ask for an on-call doctor or senior nurse who will attend. You don’t have to do this right away if you would like some time with them. The medical examiner will issue a ‘Medical Certificate of Cause of Death’. You will need this to register the death. They will give the certificate directly to the registrars and let you know once they have sent it. You will then have five days to register the death.

If the death was unexpected If someone dies unexpectedly you must call emergency services on 999. They will contact the coroner (or procurator fiscal in Scotland) to investigate the cause of death. The coroner will arrange for a local funeral director to collect the person who has died to take them to the hospital mortuary (or city morgue in Scotland). Please don’t worry if this is not your chosen funeral directors. After the investigation is completed, the coroner will issue a Medical Certificate of Cause of Death. You are still able to plan for the funeral whilst investigations are taking place. An ‘interim certificate’ can be issued. This is something you will be able to discuss with your funeral director. Sometimes an inquest will take place. If this was to happen, it would be best to get legal advice.

In Hospital If the death was expected The medical examiner will issue a ‘Medical Certificate of Cause of Death’, which is needed before you can register the death. They will give the certificate directly to the registrars and let you know once they have sent it. You will then have five days to register the death. The funeral director will arrange to bring the person who has died into their care directly with the hospital. You do not need to be there when they are taken to the funeral home. If the death was unexpected The hospital might need to do a post-mortem examination to find out the cause of death. If they’re unable to find out the cause, the doctor will contact the coroner who will do further investigations. The coroner will issue a Medical Certificate of Cause of Death when they’ve finished their investigation. Sometimes, an ‘interim’ certificate is issued whilst further investigations are taking place. A funeral director can then bring the person who has died into their care. This can be arranged directly with the hospital. You do not need to be there when they are taken to the funeral home.

In a Care Home or Hospice If the death was expected Staff at the care home or hospice will contact a medical professional to go in person to verify their death. Once this has happened you are able to arrange for a funeral director to bring them into their care. The medical examiner will issue a ‘Medical Certificate of Cause of Death’, which is needed before you can register the death. They will give the certificate directly to the registrars and let you know once they have sent it. You will then have five days to register the death. If the death was unexpected If someone dies unexpectedly at a care home the emergency services must be involved. They will contact the coroner to investigate the cause of death. The coroner will arrange for a local funeral director to collect the person who has died to take them to the hospital mortuary. As before please don’t worry if this is not your chosen funeral directors. After the investigation is completed, the coroner will issue a Medical Certificate of Cause of Death.

Registering the death A death must be registered within five days. This period can be extended in exceptional circumstances or if the coroner is involved. Registering a death will take about half an hour. Please ring 0345 600 6400 for an appointment. A spouse, civil partner, partner or close relative, anyone who was present when the person passed away. Alnwick The Register Office, 27 Fenkle Street, Alnwick NE66 1HW Ashington Town Hall, 65 Station Road, Ashington NE63 8RX Telephone: 01665 602 870 Email: alnwickreg@northumberland.gov.uk Berwick Library Building, Walkergate, Berwick upon Tweed TD15 1DB Telephone: 0345 600 6400 Email: alnwickreg@northumberland.gov.uk Morpeth County Hall, Loansdean, Morpeth NE61 2EF Telephone: 0345 600 6400 Email: morpethregistrars@northumberland.gov.uk Please see Northumberland County Council www.gov.uk/register-a-death

You will need the following information There is no cost to register a death, but, if amendments need to be made, there is a charge for this. • • • • • • • •

Cause of death Full name and any other names the deceased was known by (e.g. maiden name) Date of birth Last known occupation Spouse’s full name and occupation (if applicable) Surviving spouse’s date of birth (if applicable) Address NHS number (if available)

Documents • •

The deceased’s birth certificate Marriage certificate (if applicable)

Questions you will be asked about yourself as the person registering • • • • • •

Your relationship to the deceased (e.g. son, daughter, widow, widower, niece, nephew, surviving civil partner) Your full name Your usual address All the information the registrar collects is given to the best of your knowledge at that time YOU WILL BE ASKED TO CHECK ALL THE INFORMATION YOU HAVE GIVEN VERY CAREFULLY Documents issued by the Registrar

After the information has been recorded in the death register, the registrar will issue the necessary forms and certificates. If a post-mortem is not being held, the registrar will give you: •

A Certificate for Burial or Cremation (sometimes referred to as the ‘Green Form’) giving permission for the body to be buried or for an application for cremation to be made.

•

If the deceased is to be buried or cremated outside England or Wales the coroner will issue the necessary forms.

•

A Certificate of Registration or Notification of Death (form BD8); issued for the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) / Benefits Agency.

•

For advice and guidance regarding benefits and entitlements, please call 0800 731 0469.

Death Certificates The cost of a death certificate is currently £12.50. Additional certificates can be purchased online www.northumberland.gov.uk/births-deaths-marriages-civil-partnerships/ certificate-copies

Tell Us Once Northumberland County Council can also offer a service called ‘Tell Us Once’ this is a service for people who were living in England, Scotland or Wales. The registrar will explain the Tell Us Once service when you register the death. You will receive a unique reference number. If you cannot register the death because an inquest is underway, you can still ask a registrar for a unique reference number. You’ll need to get an interim death certificate from the coroner holding the inquest first. You will need personal information regarding banking, pensions and national insurance number, but this is something the Registrar can advise you on. www.northumberland.gov.uk/births-deaths-marriages-civil-partnerships/ deaths/

Stopping Junk Mail to the recently deceased If someone you know has died, the amount of unwanted marketing post being sent to them can be greatly reduced which helps to stop painful daily reminders. By registering with the free service www.stopmail.co.uk the names and addresses of the deceased are removed from mailing lists, stopping most advertising mail within as little as six weeks. If you cannot access the internet you can call 0333 006 8114, where you will be asked for very simple information that will take only a few minutes to complete. Alternatively, ask the bereavement team for a leaflet that can be returned in the post. This free of charge service provided by the Bereavement Support Network will actively reduce the unwanted marketing mail but also can help reduce the likelihood of identity theft following the death of someone close. The information is not used for any other purpose and you only have to complete this once. Additionally to Stop Mail a comparable service can also be accessed from the Bereavement Register or Deceased Preference Service if you would prefer to use them.

Useful checklist following the death of a loved one To do

Tick box

Notify family, friends, neighbours and workplace MCCD sent to the Registrar Book an appointment to register the death Choose a Funeral Director and contact them to begin arrangements Find ID documents Locate the Will if applicable Cancel any appointments Register the death

The Funeral How do you arrange the funeral? Not always easy to start and arrange, not only do you need to think about your loved one’s wishes, but there is so much to think about? You may not be thinking about your legal rights. The main legal requirements in England and Wales are: • • • •

The death has to be certified by a doctor or coroner. The death is registered with a registrar of births, deaths and marriages. The body should either be cremated or buried. There is no legal requirement to have any kind of funeral ceremony at all.

There are a few local funeral directors in North Northumberland. They are there to offer you support, to guide you and your family at this time.

What choices do you have for the funeral? Here are a few suggestions: • • • •

A funeral can be either by burial or cremation. You can organise it with or without the help of a funeral director and personalise it as much as you wish. In some cases the deceased may have planned their own funeral in advance. It may be beneficial to first check the details of the deceased person’s Will.

There are many different types of funeral and it is useful to remember that: • • • • • •

You can decide for yourself what form any ceremony you choose to have. You do not have to use a funeral director – though the majority of people do. You can choose a religious, humanist or civil ceremony. You do not have to use a clergyman unless you want a religious service. You can choose a ceremony that reflects any religious beliefs or multicultural traditions. You do not have to hold the funeral ceremony in a licensed building – it can be held in your home. Your ceremony does not have to take place in a crematorium or place of worship.

Remember Taking the wishes of the deceased into account. You can do this by checking the person’s Will or if they have written instructions and special wishes for their funeral, or what should happen to their body. If there are no clear wishes it is generally the executor or nearest relative who decides whether the body is to be cremated or buried.

How will you pay for the funeral? Funerals can be expensive, the deceased may have been paying into a funeral scheme or have a prepaid funeral plan – you need to check the paperwork to see if a plan exists. If you arrange a funeral, you are responsible for paying the bill, It is always best to have communications with family to check where the money will come from and if there will be enough. Funeral costs may be paid for in different ways: • • •

From the estate of the deceased. Money from a life insurance policy or pension scheme. The bank or building society of the deceased may agree to release funds to pay for the funeral costs. You, or the executor, may need to pay and then recover the money from the estate later.

Hospice Care North Northumberland - our services

Bereavement services Grief sadly is a natural response to loss. Individuals can experience a range of emotional stages, which can be very confusing at times to understand the process of grief. Everyone experiences grief in different ways, as this is a very unique non-linear process which takes time. If you are feeling that you may need extra support, we can offer you empathy and compassion in a fully confidential, non-judgmental one to one service.

Our services • • • • • • •

Offer a full assessment consultation to explore your own individual needs Information service Bereavement Cafés Bereavement Active listeners Student counsellors Counselling PCN counselling

Our Bereavement service is available to anyone over the age of 18 years old. We can offer support in the following areas in Alnwick and Berwick upon Tweed. You can ring or email to refer yourself, or a health care professional can refer you into our service. Our contact details are: Tel: 01665 606515 Email: bereavement@hospicecare-nn.org.uk

Counselling service delivered in GP surgeries We also offer Bereavement Counselling within local Well Up North GP practices and you can be referred by contacting your GP or Healthcare professional. We presently offer this service within Wooler Health, Belford Medical Practice, Well Close Medical Group and Union Brae & Norham Practice. In Morpeth, this is at Greystoke Surgery and Gas House Lane Surgery. Bereavement services We offer face to face confidential sessions with a fully trained Bereavement Counsellor, Student Counsellor or fully trained Active Listener volunteer. Six weeks session are available within the Hospice Centres, at Unit 3, Greensfield Industrial Estate, Alnwick and at Hazel Marsden House, Berwick Upon Tweed.

Bereavement Cafés We host four cafés each month where you can meet other individuals who have also suffered a bereavement. • Alnwick: 2nd and 4th Tuesday of each month. 10.00 - 11.30am HospiceCare Wellbeing Centre, Greensfield House, Willowburn Avenue, Alnwick NE66 2DG. • Berwick: 1st and 3rd Tuesday of each month. 10.00 - 11.30am HospiceCare Wellbeing Centre, Hazel Marsden House, Violet Terrace, Berwick TD15 1LU.

Pre -bereavement Pre-bereavement is also known as anticipating death, which may be truly difficult and painful to experience. The person who is deteriorating can feel frustrated, wanting relief, and their condition may be changing rapidly. Loved ones may only occasionally see glimpses of the person they once were, the person you love, and this may be terribly painful. Those who experience pre-bereavement often say, “The person I knew died a long time ago” or “I haven’t seen him in a long time! It is just his body that is left now” or “I think she is dying and then she recovers and I grieve all over again!” Often a whole range of mixed emotions can be experienced including, however not limited to: • • • • • • • • •

Anger and hopelessness Relief Frustration Guilt and shame Sadness Worry Anxiety and fear of coping, and of the future Helplessness Numbness or feeling detached

There is no time limit or specific path for those experiencing their own personal feelings of bereavement. The importance is that the person who is dying and their family and friends receive the support they feel is needed. On the next page are a few suggestions of support.

• HospiceCare 01665 606515 www.hospicecare-nn.org.uk • Samaritans 116 123 • Cruse 0808 808 1677 www.cruse.org.uk Look after yourself – without looking after ourselves we cannot support the person who is deteriorating and dying. Our own personal care may feel trivial when you feel like you’re only just coping, however caring for yourself is ultimately important. Having your space and some time for yourself – whether that’s a walk, reading, going out for 10 minutes. All these things help us to gain energy. Pre-bereavement support can be – how you are feeling, and exploring things you want to say to the person dying and/or to friends and family members.

Veterans awareness Hospice Care North Northumberland has commenced working towards Veterans Awareness Accreditation for all of our Hospice services. As a County with a high concentration of Veterans in Alnwick, Berwick, Wooler and Seahouses we want to make sure that our Veterans can access our services. By working with other Veterans organisations, we can ensure that our services meet their specific needs. We can do this by developing trauma informed therapeutic services across all our clinical areas in addition to signposting to other partner support services. Hospice Care staff will undertake a series of training sessions to ensure all staff are veteran aware, sensitive to the specific challenges individuals may face.

Hospice at Home

Hospice at Home is part of Hospice Care North Northumberland; a small charity based in Alnwick. Hospice at Home provides support to patients at the end of life across our clinical catchment area. Care provision is led by our team of experienced Registered Nurses, and provided by our Hospice Support workers. Care and support are designed to meet the needs of the patients at the end of life, and their families, through regular daily visits or calls that are more ad hoc in nature. In addition, we offer respite night shifts where appropriate. If you or a family member feel you could benefit from Hospice at Home you will first need to speak to your GP or District Nurse so they can make a referral to us. For additional information please contact Care Team on the following: Telephone: Care Team on 01665 606515 Email: nursingteam@hospicecare-nn.org.uk

Dementia Service Hospice Care recognises the impact dementia can have on a person and their loved ones. Our dementia service offers free advice and support for people with a dementia diagnosis. At the heart of the dementia service is our Specialist Dementia Nurse who leads our dementia friendly team. The dementia team hold therapeutic activities and cafés within the community on a weekly basis with engaging activities and a welcoming space for everyone. The dementia team work collaboratively with both public and private services to make sure any adult living with dementia in North Northumberland and their loved ones feel supported every step of the way.

If in crisis When a loved one dies individuals can often feel totally lost, worthless, have low self-esteem, low mood and feelings of depression. They may question “what is the point in living?” “I do not want to carry on!” or share similar statements. These are natural responses; the person can feel scared at feeling like this, ashamed or guilty. These feelings will decrease over time and change. In the meantime, here are some services that can support you with suicide or self-harm thoughts and/or feelings. North Northumberland Adult Community Team Alnwick 01665 608000 North Northumberland Adult Community Team Berwick 01289 301301 18-65 years old Samaritans 116 123 NHS 111 Option 2 Crisis Team 0800 652 2861 Initial Response team 0303 123 1146 (24/7)

SANE line 0300 304 7000 4.30pm to 10pm National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK 0800 689 5652 Offers a supportive listening service to anyone with thoughts of suicide. 6pm to midnight

Reference: Hospicecare North Northumberland Bereavement Booklet Publication date: May 2026 Review date: May 2028

The Hospice would like to thank RNS Publications for publishing this information and the following pages contain some features from services offering their help at this time. Whilst the Hospice is grateful of their support it does not endorse or recommend any of the services that they provide. Please note, whilst information is correct at the time of publication, this may be subject to future change.

STOPPING JUNK MAIL If someone you know has died, we can reduce the amount of unwanted marketing post being sent to them, stopping painful daily reminders. By registering with our free service, the names and addresses of the deceased are removed from mailing lists, stopping most advertising mail within as little as six weeks.

Call: 0333 006 8114 OR

Visit our website: www.stopmail.co.uk bereavement support network stop mail

here to help

Calls are charged at standard landline rates. Calls from mobiles are included in inclusive call packages. © Bereavement Support Network Ltd 2026

Do you need help with

Probate? You may need help, support or advice on what to do when someone dies in relation to probate. It may not always appear obvious if it will be required.

Call: 0333 240 0360 We offer free guidance on the legal and financial aspects of bereavement including your responsibilities and whether probate is required. You may need to establish whether a property is held in joint names or tenants in common, we can perform a simple check at no cost to establish the title deeds. This service is provided by

bereavement support network here to help

Connecting you with managed and D.I.Y. Probate Solutions Calls are charged at standard landline rates. Calls from mobiles are included in inclusive call packages. Published by RNS Publications © Tel: 01253 832400 R0