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INTRODUCTION
“Don’t bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn’t a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we’re in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn’t think of such a thing. You’re at least decent to your own children. So don’t you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?”
Matthew 7:7–11 msg
Men tend to set prayer aside. We come to it as a last resort, as that one power tool left that might do the job after we’ve exhausted not only all other options, but ourselves. We know we should pray more, and we know that the Bible shows Jesus praying often as an example. We also know that many great saints we admire prayed relentlessly. Yet we wait. That’s the crazy part. But the cool part is that God will always be there to listen, whether we’re crying out from a foxhole or seeking Him daily.
No matter when you pray, or how often, remember that you belong to God. He is your Father, God Almighty, your Lord, and He is for you. So when hard times come, know for a fact that He has allowed them. You may never know all the reasons He has allowed a particular test, but that’s where faith comes in. Will you believe that He has His purposes for your difficulties? He can work out His will in and through the worst of times, so your choice is simple. Will you plug into the source of your power? Will you seek Him the way He told you to—by
asking, seeking, and knocking in prayer?
Life has backed you into a corner in some way; whether you want to come out swinging or you’ve had the air knocked out of you, your best response is to go to God. “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken” (Psalm 55:22 niv).
This book covers various trials and tribulations many believers face. Use it to remind yourself that God is waiting to hear from you and that He is always with you in all situations. For each topic, you’ll find verses and prompts to get you started. Many prayers can be adjusted to fit the needs of the person for whom you’re praying.
This book can help you find some of the words you may need when you pray. But even more importantly, it can remind you whom you’re talking to. Seek Him wholeheartedly and let Him work in your life. This is God’s heart for you: “Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation” (Psalm 91:14–16 esv).
ABUSE
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
John 10:10 esv
Abuse is devastating in its complexity. It is often rooted in the shame and anger the abuser has suffered in his own life. Without realizing it, he spreads the poison to those closest to him, particularly his wife and kids. It’s hard to admit for either party—the abuser and the one being abused—but it is so important to recognize the damage that’s been done.
If you recognize yourself as an abuser and want to change, there’s hope to be found in God. Abuse is a violation of trust, and trust takes time to rebuild once it’s broken. You’ll need God’s light and strength to seek forgiveness and deal with the fallout of your behavior, but you’ll also likely need pastoral and professional help to change your habits and restore your relationships.
Lord God, I am trying to face a fearful reality: I may be an abusive husband. It has been more than an occasional outburst of anger; it has become a pattern where I’ve tried to control my wife. It has led to harsh words and criticism of everything she does, even in public. I’ve threatened and isolated her and withheld my affection, support, and resources. I’ve failed the person You gave me to love and cherish. Help me rebuild what I’ve damaged, one day, one moment at a time.
Jesus, You have called me to be gentle and loving toward my wife: “Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly” (Colossians 3:19 nlt). I have not obeyed You. Help me to break from my negative thoughts and actions and to become more like You. Taken to extremes, my perfectionism becomes criticism, my jealousy becomes obsession, and my competitiveness becomes domination. Even though that’s what I saw and experienced growing up, I know You have a better, higher way for me—to be merciful and humble, to treat my wife with respect and kindness.
Father, Your Word says that I am to love my wife “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25 niv). But even though I am a Christian, I am not Christ. I’m forgiven but still capable of falling—and that’s what I’ve done with my wife. I’ve been harsh, unforgiving, and merciless with her. I am ashamed. I want to run, to ignore the problem, to shift the blame—but I can’t. The way I have treated my wife is my fault, no matter what she’s done. Please forgive me and give me the courage to seek both her forgiveness and accountability from a church leader.
Father, my wife is dealing with the effects of someone else’s abuse. Help me to make our relationship a secure place, and empower me to avoid reacting to her stress and anger with my own. Even though I am surprised and heartbroken to find this out, help me to look past my own shock and seize the opportunity to begin to heal. I want to be like Joseph, who didn’t understand the situation with Mary but still let his compassion and love for her guide his behavior toward her. Please heal my wife, and let me be part of that healing—especially when it’s difficult, when it impacts our sex life and our friendship. I want to take the long view and trust You with the daily details.
Jesus, my old abusive habits are tempting me today. Fill me with Your Spirit so that I won’t belittle or criticize my wife or my children but build them up instead. Bring to mind what it looks like to be near me when I act badly—not so that I get stuck in the past, but so I can remember the cost of my sin. I am sick over what I’ve done, and it still nags at me. Help me, Lord, to make that extra effort to be loving and kind, even if I need to isolate myself until I am under control again. Let me live with my wife “in an understanding way” (1 Peter 3:7 esv), and let me nourish and cherish her the way You nourish and cherish the church (Ephesians 5:28–29). Help me to guide my children “in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4 niv) and to avoid exasperating them and “provoke[ing] [them] to wrath” (verse 4 nkjv).
ACCIDENTS
When I walk into the thick of trouble, keep me alive in the angry turmoil. With one hand strike my foes, with your other hand save me. Finish what you started in me, God. Your love is eternal—don’t quit on me now.
Psalm 138:7–8 msg
You didn’t get out of bed this morning thinking, I’m going to get in a car crash today, or Guess I’ll break my arm at work. There’s a reason those kinds of incidents are called accidents. Not being able to anticipate them can make you feel helpless and frustrated, whether they happen to you or to someone close to you. But one thing an accident will never do is catch God off guard. His purposes are so unshakeable that He can bring something useful out of even the most unanticipated incident. So, rather than asking Him why an accident happened, ask for quick and complete healing and concentrate on what He wants you to get out of it.
Lord God, what happened makes me feel foolish and frustrated. Please give me Your perspective on the situation. Even if I can’t see past my own part in the accident or understand why You let it happen, You can help me keep my focus on You. I trust that You can make something good come out of this annoying setback.
Father, this accident has turned my life upside down. It helps me understand what David meant when he wrote about not being able to sleep at night because of his anxiety. Like him, “I am weary with my groaning” (Psalm 6:6 nkjv). And like David, I ask, “O Lord, heal me, for my bones are troubled. My soul also is greatly troubled” (verses 2–3). Deliver me from this, and help me to trust, as David did, that “the Lord will receive my prayer” (verse 9).
Father, my guilt over my part in this accident is eating me up. Others have suffered because of something I did. It doesn’t help that I didn’t mean for it to happen either. Forgive me, and comfort those this incident affects. Please help me figure out what to do—if I should make restitution or work toward restoring relationships, I’m willing. If I should just wait for a while and let things play out, help me to do that too. I trust Your timing, Your sovereignty, and that You can make good come out of bad.
God, You are perfect in all Your ways (Psalm 18:30). You are blameless and Your Word is tried and true. You are my shield and my refuge. Your timing is always just right. Help me keep my eyes on You. Make something good come out of this hot mess. This is who You are, and this is what You do.
ADDICTION
Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
James 4:7–8 nkjv
Addiction is a mask worn to cover up a deeper need. When you’re an addict, every puff of smoke, every needle prick, every sip, every roll of the dice, every click alone in a dark room is a search for something—escape, affirmation, purpose, success, love. Here’s the thing, though: God wants all of those for you. He wants you to escape the enemy’s lies and sin’s bonds. He affirmed your value in offering His Son—His very best—for you. When you define purpose, success, and love through His eyes, you clearly see the counterfeits of the world, the flesh, and the devil for what they are. You also see the walls of the prison you’ve built for yourself, and if you really want out, Jesus came to set you free (Luke 4:17–21).
I’m done with the lies I’ve been telling myself and others, Father. I see my addiction for what it is—a false face I’ve tried to put on to deal with my problems. I want to see Your face, and I want to live my whole life like You are right here next to me. I commit myself to living in integrity before You— to consistently walking in a pattern of thoughts, words, and deeds that bring true life. . .and opening my heart to You. Thank You for loving me even though You know what I have been and done.
Lord God, I’ve sacrificed so much to my addiction— time, resources, relationships. Help me to be a “living sacrifice” (Romans 12:1 niv) so I can redeem all those things. Fill me with Your Spirit, make Your Word come alive for me, and help me to find godly counsel and accountability. You are for me, God, so who can be against me? I need You and desperately want to be on Your side.
God, I feel my addiction pulling on me today. Right now, I want so badly to do the thing I used to do that I can’t even think straight. Help me to remember You. Bring Your Word to mind. You said that “the one who endures to the end will be saved” (Matthew 24:13 esv). You are my goal and my reward. I know I need endurance, so that when I have done Your will, I may receive Your reward (Hebrews 10:36). “We are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls” (Hebrews 10:39 esv). Pull me toward You.
Jesus, set me free, so that I “will be free indeed” (John 8:36 niv). Like Paul, I don’t understand why I do what I’m doing or why it’s so hard to do the right thing (Romans 7:15–24). I don’t want to be double-minded—trying to get both what You want and what I want. What I do know is that I can’t overcome my addiction—but You can. I want to be patient, just like You are with me, and committed to obeying You. I will seek You each day—each moment, if necessary—from now on.
Father, cut me off from the things that tempt me, and from the means I use to fulfill them—suppliers, resources, the internet, social media, bad company. When I slip and fall, help me get back up and try again. Because my sin hurts me, I know that Your Spirit is working in me. You won’t give up on me, but please help me not to give up on myself. I know You will deliver me through Jesus Christ.
ADULTERY
Adultery is a brainless act, soul-destroying, self-destructive; expect a bloody nose, a black eye, and a reputation ruined for good.
Proverbs 6:32–33 msg
Adultery cuts deep because it strikes not just at the heart of marriage but at the intimacy Christ desires with all Christians. The whole concept of becoming “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 niv) “is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:32 nkjv). Jesus spoke of man not separating what God had joined together in the covenant of marriage (Matthew 19:6). Paul wrote, “He who loves his wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:28 nkjv).
So, breaking that lifelong commitment to your spouse also breaks a promise to God, and it damages you too. Once you’re joined to someone in marriage, you are unified in God’s eyes into a whole greater than its parts. Adultery damages the unique intimacy of marriage, but God can repair it. However, the affair likely didn’t happen overnight, so healing your marriage will take time—along with trust, transparency, and tenacity.
Father, I see my unfaithfulness for what it truly is—sin. And first and foremost, I’ve sinned against You. Forgive me for all the excuses I’ve made to justify my behavior. Nothing my wife has done justifies my actions. The thought of confessing to her my unfaithfulness terrifies me, but I understand that I need to do it. I also understand that she is biblically justified if she chooses to end our marriage. Give me the courage to do what is right—and to continue to do what is right from now on. Please save our marriage.
Lord God, right now I hurt so bad I can barely breathe. I know I need to love my wife the way You love me—sacrificially, in spite of my sin—but all I can think about is her sin. Forgive me for my thoughts of what I’d like to do to the guy she cheated with. I know vengeance is Yours, not mine (Hebrews 10:30).
I don’t know if I can forgive her without Your help, but I know it’s what You want me to do. Calm the whirling of my thoughts and the churning of my gut. Give me Your heart, Lord, because mine is broken.
Father, even though I’m heartbroken at what my wife has done, I know I haven’t been perfect. You told us to forgive others because You’ve forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32), and You tell us to “make allowance for each other’s faults” (Colossians 3:13 nlt). As we go through counseling and learn to live with each other in light of what’s happened, let Your love and grace flow through me. I need Your peace desperately, through all the ups and downs.
God, I opened the door to something that turned me against my wife—bitterness or lust or emotional absence—and I poisoned my heart. I haven’t yet acted on it physically, but I have indulged the thought of cheating. You’ve made it clear that I’ve already been unfaithful to her (Matthew 5:27–28), and I need to confess my sin to her. I need Your strength to do that, and I need Your Spirit to help me find the words and to receive her reaction. Help me to make “a covenant with my eyes” (Job 31:1 niv). I commit to staying true to my wife, to breaking contact with the sources of my temptation—the other woman, social media, second looks, flirting at work, looking at porn—whatever I need to do to heal our hearts and our marriage.
God, I’ve been unfaithful to my wife. I’ve told her, and we are getting help to deal with the pain I’ve caused. We both have things to work on. Strengthen us to love each other, to show grace, to forgive, and to keep our hearts set on You. Heal our relationship.
