By Authority: Committee for Karson Kamenetz, Samuel Shubin, Treasurer
Dear Readers,
This past week, I had the privilege of attending the H3 Mid-Atlantic Business Halacha Summit, led by Rabbi Ariel Sadwin and the Mid-Atlantic chapter of Agudath Israel of America. The conference, which was overflowing with attendees, was held at Martin’s West and brought together hundreds of like-minded individuals from across the business world. People from every industry gathered to learn, grow, and be inspired about conducting business in full compliance with halacha while maintaining the proper Torah perspective. Throughout the day, participants heard from local and national rabbanim, successful businessmen, and community leaders who shared practical guidance on navigating the workplace with integrity and purpose.
One of the highlights of the conference was the keynote address delivered by philanthropist Mr. Sol Werdiger, CEO of Outerstuff, a company that produces sports apparel. Rather than speaking about business success, Mr. Werdiger focused on something far more meaningful: the countless opportunities every Jew has to create a Kiddush Hashem in the workplace. Story after story illustrated how seemingly small actions can leave a lasting impression. Whether it was ensuring that others understood why he kept kosher, proudly wearing a yarmulke in professional settings, or conducting himself with dignity and consistency, his message was clear: people are always watching, and our behavior often speaks louder than our words.
One story in particular captured the attention of the entire room. Mr. Werdiger received a phone call from Mr. Oh Joon, the South Korean Ambassador to the United Nations, requesting a lunch meeting at a kosher restaurant in Manhattan. Having never met him before, Mr. Werdiger agreed, curious about the purpose of the invitation. During the meeting, the Ambassador explained that his daughter had spent a year interning in Mr. Werdiger’s company. Prior to that experience, he admitted, he had accepted many of the negative stereotypes he had heard about Jews and Israel. Yet throughout the year, his daughter repeatedly told him how impressed she was by the people and culture she encountered every day at the company.
The Ambassador described four things that had particularly impacted his daughter. 1) Every afternoon, regardless of how busy the office was, employees would stop what they were doing and gather to daven with sincerity and composure. 2) Every Friday, the office closed early in honor of Shabbos and remained closed throughout the holy day. 3) Those who came seeking tzedakah were treated respectfully and never turned away empty-handed. 4) And perhaps most importantly, his daughter herself was consistently treated with dignity, kindness, and respect. So moved was the Ambassador by the values his daughter had witnessed that he offered to return every dollar she had earned during her internship. Mr. Werdiger politely refused, insisting that she had worked hard and deserved every penny.
Then came the remarkable conclusion. The Ambassador explained that because of the positive impression his daughter had developed of the Jewish people, he had abstained from voting on three anti-Israel resolutions at the United Nations. On one occasion, his abstention prevented the resolution from passing. Mr. Werdiger noted that nobody in the office even knew that this young woman was the daughter of a UN Ambassador. No one imagined that their daily conduct, simply living as Torah Jews, would ultimately have such far-reaching consequences.
We often think that influencing the world requires grand gestures, public platforms, or extraordinary accomplishments. Yet this story reminds us that some of the most powerful impacts are made through ordinary moments. A respectful interaction, a visible commitment to mitzvos, a kind word, or an act of integrity may seem insignificant at the time. We rarely know who is watching or what ripple effects our actions may create. Hashem has entrusted us with the privilege of representing Him in every environment we enter. When we strive to live according to the values of our timeless Torah, we illuminate far more than our own path - we become a light for others as well.
Wishing a everyone a peaceful Shabbos
Aaron M. Friedman
Around the Community
Historic Baltimore Rabbanim Mission To Eretz Yisroel Explores Aliyah, Chinuch, And Community Opportunities As Interest Continues To Grow
By: BJLife Newsroom
As growing numbers of frum families explore the possibility of building their futures in Eretz Yisroel, a distinguished delegation of Rabbanim from Baltimore embarked this past week on a four-day leadership mission to Eretz Yisroel organized by Naava Kodesh.
The Baltimore delegation included Rabbis Daniel Rose, Duvi Rubin, and Binyamin Marwick. They were joined by Baltimore community baalei batim Yaakov Berkowitz and Dovid Paige.
Leaving behind families, kehillos, and many daily responsibilities, the Rabbanim traveled to Eretz Yisroel to see firsthand and gain a better understanding of the realities, new opportunities, and solutions to successfully deal with the challenges facing families considering Aliyah and settling long-term in Eretz Yisroel.
The visit reflects a growing trend in orthodox communities in North America of families exploring the possibility of relocating to Eretz Yisroel. The visit offered the Rabbanim a firsthand, closeup look at the many Anglo-friendly mosdos, communities, support systems, and practical resources available to those considering the move.
The mission began in Yerushalayim, where the Rabbanim met with Harav Yitzchok Berkowitz, Shlit”a, and Harav Asher Weiss Shlit”a to discuss the various components that go into moving to Eretz Yisroel and how to best prepare a family for a successful move both beruchniyus uvegashmiyus.
The delegation also participated in roundtable discussions with public officials and organizations actively involved in helping Olim navigate life in Israel, including MK Yitzchok Pindrus and R’ Nechemyah Malinowitz, Executive Director of Eretz HaKodesh, as well as an in-depth discussion about the financial aspects of Aliyah with the team of financial counselors at Mesila headquarters.
The Rabbanim also met with Chaim V’Chesed founder and director, R’ Pesach Friedman, at the Chaim V’Chesed headquarters in Yerushalayim to hear how the Anglo community is navigating bureaucracy and day to day life in Eretz Yisroel.
On subsequent days, the delegation traveled extensively throughout Ramat Beit Shemesh, touring the many Anglo-friendly mosdos, chadarim, Bais Yaakovs, and high schools that make up the Ramat Beit Shemesh landscape, discussing with mechanchim how challenges in chinuch are successfully being addressed and how to best guide and prepare the families that are moving.
The delegation was also hosted for a special luncheon at the home of R’ Avrohom Leventhal, International Director of Lema’an Achai. Joining the gathering were a number of prominent mechanchim and community leaders who shared their perspectives on the chinuch landscape in Ramat Beit Shemesh and discussed the opportunities and challenges facing families making Aliyah today.
Meetings also took place with local Rabbanim in Ramat Beit Shemesh, including Harav Yaakov Haber Shlita, Harav Elimelech Kornfeld Shlita, and Harav Dovid Gottlieb Shlita.
Particular attention was given to the areas most relevant for families considering Aliyah: chinuch, parnassah, community integration, housing, and navigating day-to-day life in Eretz Yisroel.
The mission also included discussions with municipal leaders, including Beit Shemesh Mayor Shmuel Greenberg and local Klitah Director Yonah Kaufman, providing participants with insight into the support structures available to new Olim.
‘’This was a truly high-level and impactful mission that gave participants a firsthand look at the realities, opportunities, and growth taking place in Eretz Yisroel’’, shared Yonah Kaufman Director of the Klita dep. In Bet Shemesh, ‘’particularly in Ramat Beit Shemesh. The insights gained will undoubtedly help the Rabbanim provide informed guidance and support to the growing number of Baltimore families considering Aliyah.”
Founder and Executive Director of Naava Kodesh, R’ Tzvi Arnstein noted, ‘’It was very moving to see the group of Rabbanim come and see
firsthand how a family can practically make the move and be matzliach. The question was not whether Eretz Yisroel can work for english speaking families; rather, it was how the move can be done successfully.’’
Beyond the established communities of Yerushalayim and Ramat Beit Shemesh, the delegation explored emerging communities throughout Israel, including Rechovot and Afula, which offer more affordable housing options. These conversations highlighted the expanding range of opportunities available to families seeking affordable housing, strong Torah infrastructure, and vibrant community life throughout the country.
Also accompanying the delegation was R’ Dovid Paige, Director of Naava Kodesh’s Baltimore Division, who shared his amazement at the many Anglo-friendly mosdos,
institutions, and resources available to families considering “Aliyah.
“I was amazed by the tremendous חוכ being invested by so many people whose sole motivation is to be
all working to make
ץרא a place where every Yid can thrive and truly call home.”
As the first of what is intended to be many such missions, the trip provided the Rabbanim with a unique opportunity to gain an on-the-ground, close-up perspective of the communities, schools, organizations, and support systems available in Israel. Meeting directly with mechanchim, Rabbanim, municipal leaders, and families who have successfully made the transition offered a clearer understanding of the opportunities, resources, and realities available to families seeking to successfully make the move to Eretz Yisroel.
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NEW SHORT STORIES BY RABBI BINYOMIN PRUZANSKY
In this powerful and uplifting collection, Rabbi Binyomin Pruzansky shares unforgettable stories of emunah, perseverance, courage, and growth. Stories that remind us that greatness is not reserved for extraordinary people alone. It belongs to every person willing to rise higher, push further, and believe in the greatness Hashem planted within them.
RELEASES:
JAFFA FAMILY EDITION
613 Seconds with Rabbi Chaim Schwartz, Executive Director of the Jewish Caring Network & Tikva House
RCS: While we eagerly collaborate with other community organizations to ensure that people are well served without duplicating efforts, the Jewish Caring Network is primary support for families navigating serious and long-term illness. JCN, originally called Gevuras Yarden, was founded thirty years ago by Chaiya Drabkin a”h and Keren Traub as a zechus for the healing of a young community member battling cancer.
life-saving medical care at Johns Hopkins Hospital and Kennedy Krieger Institute.
challenges, but also profound emotional, practical, and financial burdens.
BJH: Rabbi Schwartz, congratulations on becoming the new Executive Director of the Jewish Caring Network and Tikva House. What drew you to this role?
Rabbi Chaim Schwartz: What drew me in is deeply personal. My wife and I have experienced what it means to have children facing life-threatening illness. We spent long periods in out-of-town hospitals, frightened and exhausted, without guidance or a place to stay. We learned firsthand that healing is not just about the patient—it requires a family to be there to help.
JCN and Tikva House exist to provide that support. We empower families to remain as their loved one’s greatest source of healing, hope, and strength.
With diverse experience across rabbinic and financial sectors, and most significantly, as a JCN board member, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to lead one of Baltimore’s premiere chesed organizations.
BJH: For those who may not be familiar, what exactly does JCN do, and how is it different from other organizations that help the sick?
Today, JCN serves approximately 100 families at any given time. We provide a wide range of personalized services that keep patients and their families together, supported, and uplifted throughout treatment and recovery. As such, we become extended family. We offer fresh daily meals for the week, Shabbos and Yom Tov; groceries; cleaning assistance; nursing care funds; art therapy; camp support; respite; gift packages for birthdays and anniversaries – milestones that families generally celebrate.
What distinguishes JCN is the depth and duration of our relationships. Serious illness is rarely a short journey. Families need ongoing, constant support for their years of treatment and recovery. A dedicated coordinator is assigned to each family to create a personal connection and care plan. We also have a vast volunteer network who answer the call day and night to deliver whatever is needed.
BJH: Where does Tikva House fit into the JCN mission?
RCS: The Tikva House is one of the crown jewels of the Jewish world. It stands ready to receive people from across the world who come to Baltimore seeking
Located just one block from Hopkins, Tikva House is a world-class kosher hospitality residence serving local and global patients and families regardless of affiliation or level of observance. We offer a fully-stocked kosher kitchen with weekday and Shabbos menus; coffee and snack bar; an Eruv; and a library of Seforim. Seven deluxe guest suites, each with a private shower and kitchenette, afford our guests an oasis of calm. Other amenities include laundry facilities, work spaces, and a playroom.
Orchestrated by Rabbi Boruch Brull, Tikva House was secured with a generous gift by Rabbi Ephraim & Etti Rubin a”h and built through the tireless leadership of Mrs. Stacey Goldenberg who guided JCN for more than two decades.
Over 13 years, we have hosted more than 21,000 stays, for people from 8 countries and 85+ cities. This past month, we welcomed families from Brazil, Spain, South Africa, and Israel. In the words of one recent guest, “Within its walls, we have found comfort, community, and hope… a virtual hug from the Baltimore community.” And from another, “You became our family and took care of every detail so that we could be totally present for our critically ill sister in the hospital.”
BJH: What do you see as the biggest challenge facing JCN right now?
RCS: Our community has grown and the needs of families facing serious illness continue to expand. Today’s patients and caregivers are navigating not only medical
Simply scaling back is not an option. Illness doesn’t pause just because funding becomes more difficult. Caring well for others is not a luxury; it’s a basic tenet of our Torah values.
Our challenge is ensuring long-term sustainability while continuing to provide a high level of personalized care. This means strengthening fundraising efforts, enhancing operational excellence, increasing community awareness, and building meaningful partnerships with donors, volunteers, healthcare institutions, and community leaders who share this vision.
BJH: What message would you most like the community to hear?
RCS: Illness can touch any family, at any time.
When it does, what matters most is that the community will be there for you and your family. JCN and Tikva House exist to ensure that no family faces this alone. Whether serving local families or welcoming guests from around the world, our mission remains: to provide support, compassionate care, and meaningful hope for the family for the long-term.
There are many ways to take part in this mission—through volunteering, advocacy, and/or philanthropy. We welcome your partnership with our fundraising campaign this week, June 14-16.
The measure of a community is not how it celebrates together, but how it cares for those who are struggling.
The Week In News
The Week In News
Taliban Opens Fire on Protesters
Taliban forces opened fire on demonstrators in western Afghanistan after protests erupted over the arrest of women accused of violating the regime’s strict dress code, according to local media reports, human rights organizations, and United Nations officials.
The unrest began in the city of Herat after Taliban morality police reportedly detained dozens of women for allegedly failing to comply with the group’s clothing requirements. Speaking before the UN Security Council on Monday, Georgette Gagnon, acting head of the UN mission in Afghanistan, said that approximately 30 women had been arrested. Reports indicate that a pregnant woman was among those detained.
Under the Taliban’s morality laws,
a woman’s face is considered awrah—a part of the body that must be concealed— requiring women to wear garments that fully cover their faces in public.
The Taliban’s Ministry for the Propagation of Virtue and Prevention of Vice denied that any arrests had taken place, calling the reports “all rumors.” The ministry defended its policies, stating that “the hijab is a divine command, a law that we are obliged to implement.”
Witnesses said that armed Taliban police opened fire on a crowd of more than 100 protesters gathered in Herat. At least three people were wounded in the incident, according to the report.
Other outlets reported more severe casualties. Afghanistan International said at least one person may have been killed, although the claim could not be independently verified. Amu TV reported that a child was killed during the crackdown.
Sources cited by Afghanistan International also alleged that Taliban authorities detained additional protesters following the demonstration and began visiting hospitals to identify and locate injured participants.
The response drew condemnation
from international human rights advocates.
Richard Bennett, the UN special rapporteur on human rights in Afghanistan, said he was “alarmed by excessive use of force against seemingly peaceful protesters in Herat today.” In a statement posted on social media, Bennett urged authorities to “respect citizens’ freedom of expression, especially women and girls, and avoid further harm.”
Amnesty International likewise condemned the reported use of force, calling it a “shocking escalation” in the Taliban’s ongoing restrictions on civil liberties. The organization urged the regime to “end the use of unlawful force against peaceful protesters, release those arbitrarily detained, and respect the rights of women and girls,” adding that peaceful demonstrators “should never be met with bullets and violence.”
Drone Finds Helicopter Crew
A U.S. drone boat found and rescued the crew of an American Apache helicop-
ter that crashed near the Strait of Hormuz on Monday evening, in a first-of-itskind operation at sea, the military said.
The unmanned surface vessel, a Saronic Corsair, located the crew, who had spent two hours in the waters off the coast of Oman, and brought them to shore, according to Capt. Tim Hawkins, spokesman for U.S. Central Command.
The military is investigating whether the Apache was shot down by Iranian forces, according to U.S. officials.
The rescue marks an operational first for the vessels, which are part of the Navy’s artificial intelligence and drone task force that is designed to widen U.S. military capabilities in the Middle East. The mission also demonstrates the dangers of operating in the region, where Iran has shot down U.S. drones and targeted American aircraft throughout the war and subsequent ceasefire.
Elite troops from the 82nd Airborne Division, which arrived in the region after the start of the war with Iran this spring, contributed to the rescue mission.
The drone boat involved falls under Task Force 59, which harnesses uncrewed boats and other drones powered by AI.
Greater Washington Weekday Minyanim Guide
6:15 am Young Israel Shomrai Emunah M-F
6:20 am Ohev Shalom Talmud Torah OLNEY M, Th
6:25 am Southeast Hebrew Cong., Knesset Yehoshua M-F
6:30 am Beth Sholom Congregation M-F
Beit Halevi (Sfardi) M, T Chabad of Silver Spring M-F
Ohev Shalom Talmud Torah OLNEY T, W, F Young Israel Shomrai Emunah S YGW M, Th
6:35 am Ohr Hatorah M, Th
6:40 am YGW S, T, W, F
Magen David Sephardic Congregation M-Th
6:45 am Beit Halevi (Sfardi) S, T, W, F
Kemp Mill Synagogue M, Th
Ohr Hatorah T, W, F
Young Israel Shomrai Emunah M, Th
6:50 am Woodside Synagogue/Ahavas Torah M, Th Silver Spring Jewish Center M-F
Chabad of Upper Montgomery County M-F
6:55 am Young Israel Shomrai Emunah T, W, F
7:00 am Kemp Mill Synagogue T, W, F
Southeast Hebrew Cong., Knesset YehoshuaS Silver Spring Jewish Center S
Woodside Synagogue/Ahavas Torah T, W, F
Young Israel Ezras Israel of Potomac T, W, F
7:05 am Kesher Israel M, Th
7:15 am Kemp Mill Synagogue M, Th
Kesher Israel T, W, F
Ohev Sholom Talmud Torah/The National Synagogue M-F
Ohr Hatorah S
7:30 am Chabad of DC M-F
Chabad of Potomac M-F
JROC M-F
Kemp Mill Synagogue T, W, F
Southeast Hebrew Cong., Knesset Yehoshua M-F
Young Israel Shomrai Emunah S
Young Israel Shomrai Emunah (Sfardi) M-F
7:45 am YGW (Yeshiva Session Only) S-F
8:00 am Beth Sholom Congregation S
Kemp Mill Synagogue S Kesher Israel S
Ohev Shalom Talmud Torah OLNEYS
Southeast Hebrew Cong., Knesset YehoshuaS
Chabad of Upper Montgomery CountyS
Woodside Synagogue/Ahavas TorahS
8:00 am YGW (High School; School-Contingent) S-F
Young Israel Ezras Israel of PotomacS
Young Israel Shomrai Emunah (Sfardi)S
8:05 am Ezras Israel Congregation of Rockville M, Th
8:15 am Ohr Hatorah S Ezras Israel Congregation of Rockville S, T, W, F
Kehilat Pardes / Berman Hebrew Academy S-F Silver Spring Jewish Center M-F
8:30 am Chabad of DC S Chabad of Potomac S JROC S Ohev Sholom Talmud Torah/The National Synagogue S Silver Spring Jewish Center S YGW (Summer Only) S-F
8:45 am Young Israel Shomrai Emunah S-F
9:00 am Chabad of Silver Spring S Kemp Mill Synagogue S
2:00
Before Shkiah (15-18 minutes), S-TH
Beit Halevi (Sfardi)
Beth Sholom Congregation
Chabad of Potomac
Chabad of Silver Spring
Chabad of Upper Montgomery County
Ezras Israel Congregation of Rockville (20 min before, S-F)
“When it comes to search and rescue, you utilize the best asset that is the closest and the quickest, and that was the case in this instance,” Hawkins said.
The U.S. and other military forces increasingly use such vessels, more commonly known as sea drones, for military operations. American forces have recent-
DR. SHMULI WEALCATCH
After being a proud sponsor in the early years of Biker Cholim, I chose to participate and begin a new venture of road biking at the age of 52 in the summer of
Since then, Biker Cholim has given me the opportunity to spend time riding with, and trying to keep up with my sons, as well as riding with such a wonderful chevra from the community. Additionally, bike riding has allowed me to stay in shape, enjoy some relaxation, and help me find ways to participate and support such incredible chesed organizations.
United States and Iran struggled to reach an agreement to end the war and fully reopen the Strait of Hormuz.
The move was the latest pledge in recent months by the group to step up output. In normal times, an increase by OPEC+ countries would help push prices lower. But the effective shutdown of the strait has stranded a vast portion of the world’s daily oil supply, making the increase largely symbolic.
“The countries will continue to closely monitor and assess market conditions,” the consortium of oil-producing nations said in a statement and noted “the importance of adopting a cautious approach.”
The decision followed a meeting, conducted remotely, of the OPEC+ countries, which include Algeria, Iraq, Kazakhstan, Kuwait, Oman, Russia and Saudi Arabia.
The war in the Middle East, which started with U.S.-Israeli strikes on Iran on February 28, followed by Iran’s closure of the strait in retaliation, has sent oil and gas prices soaring, stoked worldwide fears of inflation, and left countries scrambling for alternative energy supplies.
Ships transiting the strait, a narrow route to the Persian Gulf on Iran’s southern border, had ferried about one-fifth of the world’s energy supply before the war. In response to the waterway’s effective shutdown, Saudi Arabia, Iraq, the United Arab Emirates and Kuwait have been forced to slash crude production.
In May, the UAE decided to leave OPEC, dealing a blow to the Saudi Ara-
Production
The cartel of influential oil-producing nations known as OPEC+ agreed on Sunday to increase production by 188,000 barrels per day in July as the
That month, OPEC+ announced a modest 188,000 barrel per day increase; before that, the group had said it would raise oil production quotas by 206,000 barrels a day.
Jacques Rousseau, managing director for global oil and gas at ClearView
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The Week In News
Energy Partners, a Washington-based research firm, said the new production boost means little.
“Everything is in a waiting game until the strait reopens,” Rousseau said, adding, “These barrels, most of them aren’t even coming to the market because for Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and Iraq, and previously the UAE before they left, these
Saturday morning.
On Friday, Sgt. Ohar Yaari, 21, passed away in southern Lebanon as a result of what authorities suspect was an acciden-
Gamla served as a deputy squad commander in the Commando Brigade’s Egoz Unit. He was from Natur, a moshav in the Golan Heights. Yaari, a soldier in the Givati Brigade’s Shaked Battalion, was from the city of Rehovot.
The Military Police are investigating
On Saturday, Israel said that it had hit about 150 Hezbollah infrastructure sites in southern Lebanon, including weapon depots, command centers, rocket launchers, and more. Earlier that day, the IDF issued mass evacuation orders that covered most residents of southern
Although a ceasefire is technically in effect between Israel and Hezbollah, on-
The Week In News
going strikes have called the truce’s status into question. Lebanon is also involved in negotiations between the United States and Iran, as Lebanese officials meet with their Pakistani counterparts amid talks.
Last week, a conditional ceasefire deal was unveiled by Israeli and Lebanese envoys in Washington, requiring Hezbollah to stop attacking and pull back from Israel’s border. However, Hezbollah has said it wouldn’t accept the deal and that Israel must withdraw completely from Lebanon.
Ex-Mossad Agent: Iran Will Collapse
According to a retired senior Mossad agent who served in the agency for nearly three decades, the United States’ decision in April to pause the war with Iran interfered with a Mossad-led plan to achieve regime change. However, the agent, who used the pseudonym “Aleph,” said that the Iranian regime will likely collapse regardless, sooner or later.
over time and has been paused for the time being. In this war, we went out with a partner, a strategic power that at some point stopped the fighting, but these stages started and developed, including the use of Kurdish partners, with the goal of replacing the regime.”
After Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and then-Mossad Director David Barnea presented the plan to U.S. officials months ago, CIA Director John Ratcliffe and U.S. Secretary of State Marco Rubio reportedly dismissed Israel’s regime change plan as “farcical” and unrealistic. Aleph, in an interview with Channel 12, rejected the U.S.’s description of the plan, insisting that it was realistic, given the Mossad’s expertise.
“Whether it will fall in six months or in three years, I cannot predict, but there is no doubt that this regime will fall,” he added.
Aleph added that the U.S. and Israel’s twelve-day war with Iran in June 2025 involved unprecedented Mossad operations in Iran. In recent years, the agency
Aleph also said he would be “very surprised if Israel did not know precisely” the condition of Iran’s new supreme leader, Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei, who hasn’t been seen or heard from since being injured in the Israeli-U.S. attacks on February 28 that eliminated his father, Ali Khamenei, and started the nowpaused war with Iran.
Terror Attack in Central Israel
One IDF reservist was killed on Sunday and five people were injured in a shooting spree carried out by an Arab Israeli terrorist, who was, soon thereafter, shot dead by security forces.
Master Sgt. (res.) Haim Kalomiti, a 55-year-old reservist, father of three, and civil defense squad member from Tzur Natan, was killed in the attack. He served in the Ephraim Regional Brigade.
According to the Prime Minister’s Office, Kalomiti “engaged the terrorist and
save lives and worked extensively for the security of the State of Israel,” the Drom HaSharon Regional Council said.
The terrorist first shot two men in their 30s at a gas station near Kochav Ya’ir, leaving one in serious condition. A 31-year-old man and a 61-year-old woman were then shot in Tzur Yitzchak’s entrance, sustaining moderate injuries, and two other men were subsequently shot outside Tzur Natan, including Kalomiti and the moshav’s security coordinator, who was seriously wounded. All three communities, which are near each other, are close to Israel’s Judea and Samaria security barrier.
The terrorist was named as Omar Yassin, a 20-something resident of Tayibe, an Arab town near Kochav Ya’ir. He left Tayibe at around 10:30 a.m. in an illegal vehicle with Israeli license plates, carrying a makeshift “Carlo” submachine gun. At around 11:03 a.m., police caught up to the murderer and neutralized him. Soon thereafter, the suspect’s accomplice, who was also in his 20s and
Netanyahu Calls Off Strike
According to reports, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu canceled a massive strike on Iran following a phone conversation with U.S. President Donald Trump, who warned the Israeli premier against going through with the attacks. The operation was reportedly canceled at the last moment, right before the aircraft were about to take off.
On Monday evening, Netanyahu announced that Israel’s strikes on Iran would pause for the time being, just a day after the two countries exchanged fire for the first time since the ceasefire started in early April. Iran attacked Israel after the Jewish state retaliated against Hezbollah for bombing northern Israel.
“After Iran attacked Israel, I directed the IDF to strike military and economic targets throughout Iran,” Netanyahu said. “At present, the fire on this front has been halted, because after the terrorist regime in Tehran was struck, it stopped attacking us.”
“If that terrorist regime makes the
mistake of attacking us again, we will respond with force,” the prime minister warned. “Today, Iran and Hezbollah are weaker than ever, and we are stronger than ever. But our struggle against them is not yet over.”
In a call with Channel 12, Trump reportedly told Netanyahu on Sunday night not to retaliate against Iran’s ballistic missile attacks, warning that the premier “better be careful, or you will be on your own very soon.” Trump insisted that a potential deal with Iran would render the strikes unnecessary, and that, should negotiations fall through, the U.S. would lead a renewed series of attacks on Iran.
Despite Trump’s warnings, Netanyahu consulted with senior security officials and followed through with retaliatory strikes, though he stopped short of launching a major strike, following more pressure from Trump.
National Security Minister Itamar Ben Gvir urged Netanyahu to defy Trump and keep striking Iran, while Finance Minister Bezalel Smotrich called for continued attacks on Hezbollah.
“We are on the same page as Trump,” Netanyahu reportedly said. “He is not releasing Iran’s frozen funds, he is de-
termined to secure the nuclear material, and he is maintaining the pressure. Why should we pick a fight with him?”
Air Pollution Leads to Migraines
Air pollution has long been linked to serious health problems ranging from respiratory disease to heart conditions, but new Israeli research suggests it may also play a significant role in triggering migraine attacks.
A study conducted by researchers at Soroka University Medical Center and Ben-Gurion University of the Negev found that both air pollution and extreme climate conditions are associated with an increased risk of migraines, potentially offering new ways to predict attacks before they occur.
The findings were published in the journal Neurology and analyzed health data from 7,032 adult migraine patients in the Beersheba area between 2000 and 2023.
Researchers examined how daily
exposure to air pollution and weather conditions affected urgent medical visits for migraines and the use of migraine medications such as triptans. The study found that short-term spikes in air pollution, particularly nitrogen dioxide from traffic and fine airborne particles from dust, industry, and smoke, were linked to a higher likelihood of acute migraine attacks. Longterm exposure to those same pollutants was associated with more frequent and severe migraines.
The research team was led by Ido Peles and included Lena Novak, Michal Gordon, Batya Sarov, and neurologist Gal Ifergan.
“Prevalence is about three times higher in women than in men,” Ifergan said, noting that migraines often begin in a person’s twenties and may be influenced by hormonal factors. He added that while genetics play a role, environmental conditions appear to be an important contributor as well.
“There’s a biological tendency to get migraines, but we showed from our data that air pollution is also a major factor,” he said.
The Beersheba region’s climate,
The Week In News
characterized by hot, dry summers and significant temperature swings between day and night, provided researchers with a unique setting to study how weather and pollution interact.
The study suggests that environmental conditions influence migraines in multiple ways. Prolonged exposure to heat, humidity, and pollution may increase a person’s sensitivity over time, while sudden increases in pollution can act as immediate triggers.
“We see that the environment plays a dual role,” Peles said. “A better understanding of these connections could in the future allow for the prediction of high-risk days and help patients prepare in advance.”
Researchers said future studies will explore whether factors such as neighborhood design, proximity to parks, and housing types could help protect against migraines. They also suggested that environmental risk alerts could one day be delivered through smartphone apps or messaging services, helping patients and doctors better anticipate attacks and tailor treatment strategies accordingly.
USAID: 101 UNRWA
Employees Had Hamas Ties
The U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID) has referred 101 current and former employees of the United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees in the Near East (UNRWA) to the U.S. State Department for possible suspension
or disbarment due to alleged involvement in the October 7, 2023, Hamas attacks and/or affiliation with the terror group, according to a recent report from USAID’s Office of Inspector General.
The individuals identified include school principals, teachers, security personnel, attendants, psychosocial counselors, and medical professionals who worked for UNRWA. USAID said some had been previously referred, while additional evidence uncovered during ongoing investigations prompted further action.
According to the report, several of the employees allegedly held positions within Hamas’s military wing, the Izzadin al-Qassam Brigades. USAID said two deputy school principals served in senior roles within the organization. Another UNRWA employee allegedly acted as a deputy company commander in Hamas’s Ain Gallout/5th Infantry Battalion, while another reportedly served as a squad leader in the Khan Yunis Brigade’s 2nd Infantry Battalion.
The report also alleges that a dep-
uty school principal functioned as a platoon commander in Hamas’s Nuseirat Battalion and handled communications responsibilities during the October 7 attacks. A separate employee, identified as a teacher, allegedly transported two anti-tank missiles to a designated location for use during the assault.
If the State Department moves forward with suspensions or disbarments, the individuals would be prohibited from working for any aid organization receiving U.S. government funding.
USAID’s referrals have already resulted in at least one disbarment. Hafez Mousa Mohammed Mousa, identified as an operative in Hamas’s East Jabaliya Battalion, was barred after investigators concluded he coordinated communications with other suspected Hamas members during the October 7 attack while serving as a principal at an UNRWA school.
UNRWA said it is cooperating with the investigation and emphasized its commitment to neutrality.
“We take these allegations very,
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very seriously, and any allegation of neutrality breach made against staff will be taken very seriously, and that includes alleged membership in sanctioned Palestinian groups,” an UNRWA spokesperson.
The spokesperson added, “We have a zero-tolerance policy for neutrality breaches, and that means there is no place in UNRWA for terrorists, or criminals, or those who don’t share the values of the United Nations.”
UNRWA said it has provided in-
formation to USAID investigators and remains willing to supply additional material as needed. The agency said it would respond to allegations supported by corroborated evidence.
Five Stabbed at Penn Station
For thousands of commuters, New York City’s Penn Station is a place to catch a train. On Sunday evening, it
became the scene of chaos.
Five people were stabbed in what authorities believe was a random attack inside the busy transit hub, sending victims, witnesses, and first responders scrambling as bloodshed erupted during the evening rush.
The violence unfolded shortly before 7 p.m. when a man later identified as 51-year-old Hector De Leon allegedly began attacking people inside the station. According to Amtrak Police, officers immediately launched a search and apprehended the suspect within minutes.
Video from the scene shows multiple officers tackling the suspect before taking him away in a wheelchair through the NJ Transit concourse. A knife was later recovered by investigators.
Six people, including the suspect, were transported to area hospitals. Police sources said the oldest victim is about 60 years old, while one victim suffered serious injuries.
For witness-turned-victim Henry Obadiah, the attack came without warning.
“I’m lucky to be alive,” he told reporters after receiving stitches for cuts to the right side of his face and lip.
Obadiah said he had just arrived at Penn Station on an NJ Transit train when he saw the suspect shove another person.
“And then he looks at me with this rage in his face,” Obadiah recalled. “He came at me for no reason.”
The 60-year-old described a scene that quickly descended into panic.
“There was blood all over the place,” he said. “Cops are running in all directions.”
Investigators believe the attack was random. Law enforcement sources say the suspect is believed to be homeless and emotionally disturbed, though there is currently no indication of any connection to terrorism.
Witness Michael Christian said he had seen the man before around the station.
“He was just screaming, waving his head around,” Christian said. “I didn’t think he was capable of doing anything.”
THE GEDOLEI HADOR ARE BESEECHING EVERY YID
Torah Thought Move Your Carcass
By Rabbi Zvi Teichman
Due to the failure of the entire generation of adults over the age of twenty in succumbing to the negative influence of the spies, they were condemned to death in the Wilderness, delaying the entry into the Land for nearly thirty-nine year
The Torah in portraying their destined deaths over that period uses a rather harsh term repeatedly in describing their demise.
In this Wilderness shall, םכירגפ — your carcasses drop…
םכירגפו — But your carcasses shall drop in the Wilderness…
Your children will roam in the Wilderness for forty years… until the last of your, םכירגפ — carcasses in the Wilderness… (בל-טכ די רבדמב)
This phrase is first used in the context of the carcasses of the various animals Avraham cut up during the Covenant Between the Parts, where it reports how birds of prey descended upon the םירגפ — carcasses, and Avraham drove them away.
There were many unfortunate deaths that resulted from a variety of terrible sins that were committed over that forty-year sojourn, yet only these were designated so derogatorily as ‘carcasses’.
Every morning when we awake from our nightly slumber — which is defined as one-sixtieth of death — we express gratitude to G-d for restoring our souls to, concluding with the words, Blessed are You, G-d, Who restores souls םיתמ םירגפל — to dead carcasses
The Abudraham and the Rokeach both explain this description of the revival of carcasses not only referring to the bodies of those who have departed and buried, but to each one of us, who as we sleep are deemed םירגפ — ‘lifeless’ carcasses, that have their souls return each morning.
Might there be a connection between our nightly ‘departure’ from this world and the deaths of this generation whose carcasses were denied entry to the Land?
The passionate Mashgiach, Rav Dan Segal, exchanged letters with a student of his who had painfully shared his frustration over his troubled marriage, carefully delineating all the complaints and accusations he harbored against his wife that he resented greatly, and regretted ever marrying.
In a powerful response, the Mashgiach addressed his animosity towards his wife sharing with him a לודג דוסי — a great fundament in the battle of man against his evil inclination.
One of the greatest foes and malcontent of man in his daily life are the thoughts of hatred and complaint one has towards another. The nature of this thinking to one who is entrenched in them is to find all sorts of imagined suspicions about that person and his intentions. A person devises all sorts of false allegations upon the person he dislikes. Even worse is his eventual inability to see any positive in the other person, since the onslaught of his obsessive discontent clouds his eyes and mind from seeing any good. Even when one may have a valid claim against another, inevitably that person has many more positive attributes to outweigh the negative. The destructive power of imagined false accusations that are fueled by anger and hatred disables clear thinking.
The Mashgiach reveals how this vital teaching is clear in the evolution of the sin of the spies and its impact on the populace.
After the spies returned with their slander, seeding doubt among the people, the entire assembly blurted out their frustration by declaring “If only we had died in the land Egypt, or if only we would have died in this Wilderness! Why is G-d bringing us to this land to die by the sword? Our wives and young children will be taken into captivity! Is it not better for us to return to Egypt?”
Later, G-d tells Moshe to respond to them, “As I live — by the word G-d — if I shall not speak to you as you have spoken to my ears. In this Wilderness shall your carcasses drop…”
Shouldn’t the people have rejoiced, after all G-d responded exactly to their request? They got what they preferred, no
longer having to worry about their fear of the future?
Nevertheless, the Torah records how ‘the people mourned exceedingly.’
Didn’t they get what they wanted?
Later when Moshe reviews this episode at the end of his life, he recalls how after the fiasco, he reminded them ‘how G-d always goes before you, — He makes war for you, like everything He did for you in Egypt, before your eyes. And in the Wilderness, as you have seen, that G-d, your Lord, bore you, as a man carries his son…Who goes before you on the way to seek out a place for you to encamp, with fire by night…and with a cloud by day!’(גל-טכ א םירבד)
G-d reproached them that they mindlessly lapsed in their consciousness of all the love He had showered upon them.
They finally realized what they had overlooked and quickly regretted and mourned over what they had lost.
But why did they lapse in that awareness?
There too it adds how at the onset they had accused G-d, “Because of G-d’s hatred for us did He take us out of the land of Egypt, to deliver us into the hand of the Amorite to destroy us.”(זכ םש םש)
Rashi there enlightens us to the flaw that ignited this tragedy by quoting the Sifrei on their words ‘Because of G-d’s hatred…”, Really, however, He loves you, but you hate him. A common parable says: What is in your heart about your friend, [you imagine] is in his heart about you.
They projected their own personal insecurities and resentment, falsely accusing G-d of imagined abandonment, when just the opposite was true, He always had their backs.
They finally fathomed their deficiency, realizing the truth, running regretfully, and mournfully, back to the embrace of a Father Who loved them and is dedicated like no other. ('ב בתכמ ג"ח ךלהאב םולש)
There is a most fascinating halachic ruling of the K’tzos HaChoshen based on a Zohar.
Generally, if a person is due money, there are times when one may take the law into one’s own hands and confiscate an item from the person who owes him money or took possession of an item that undoubtedly belongs to him and grabs it back.
If, however, the K’tzos avers, a person was entrusted with an item, a ןודקפ, to watch for someone else, and the owner of the object owes the רמוש — the watchman money, the ‘shomer’ may not take the deposit placed
in his care in lieu of the debt due him.
He bases this on a Zohar that talks about the nightly deposit of our soul we hand over to G-d, until it is returned to us in the morning. A המשנ — soul, is a deposit as King David expresses in Psalms, In Your hand דיקפא — I entrust my spirit (ו אל םילהת)
Even though that we are so indebted to G-d, and He has every justification to take our souls in lieu of all that we owe, nevertheless, so as not to betray His trust and loyalty to His role as the ultimate ‘Watchman’, He returns it to us even when we might not deserve it due to our unfulfilled obligations.
The Zohar concludes that one who abrogates his role as a watchman to collect a personal debt, is suspect of not being of the Seed of Israel. (א
Rav Shlomo Pappenheim, an 18th century, German Rabbinic figure, and linguist, in his masterful work Yerios Shlomo, dissects the word for carcass, רגפ and makes an interesting assertion.
The word itself, he suggests, is a contraction of two words, רג הפ — here I dwell. This, he says, refers to the inertia of a physical body that remains in its place due to being voided of an animate spirit.
Perhaps this reflects the self-absorption that blinds us from seeing accurately anything outside of ourselves, becoming entrenched in our own delusional perception of others.
The paralyzing inertia that develops from that attitude prevents us from true life.
We go to sleep each night victims of our daily challenges and self-interests, that need to rest so that we may restore our souls back to health, awakening our ‘carcasses’ to the benevolence of the ultimate ‘Watchman’, and the realization that we owe Him so much, yet we live of our lives expecting so much more than we deserve.
Like the generation of the spies, traipsing lifelessly, blind to the overwhelming benevolence of our Father in Heaven, we too wander mindlessly, oblivious to the endless kindnesses bestowed upon us.
Indeed, we are so often likened to simple carcasses, רג הפ — implanting ourselves in one position, unwilling to budge from our imagined expectations, and appreciate the world and people around us with accuracy.
May we open our eyes each morning and commit to seeing a genuine world of opportunity that surrounds us, infusing it with gratitude to Hashem and emulating His watchfulness, never feeling entitled and only happily indebted!
You may reach the author at: Ravzt@ ohelmoshebaltimore.com
OVERVIEW PARSHA
Based on the desire of the Jewish people, the Meraglim are sent on a mission to seek out the land of Eretz Yisroel. Instead of focusing on the hopefulness and positivity, they focused on the negative, and report Lashon Hara to the Jewish people. National hysteria ensues. The Jews receive a severe punishment, now needing having to remain in the desert for 40 years. The parsha also discusses libations, atonement, challah, Shabbos and tzitzis.
Quotable Quote “ ”
“We have to show what it is never to give up hope—that we can rebuild what has been ruined..”
TSorahparks
Inspiration. Everywhere.
Parshas Shelach
QUICK VORT
-Rabbi Jonathan Sacks zt”l
GEMATRIA
R abbeinu Bachaya suggests that t zitzis (discussed in our parsha) is s ymbolic of a life-rope in which we a re meant to hold onto, in order to s urvive the danger/darkness/sheker o f this world.
M aybe it’s not a coincidence that t he numerical value of תיציצ is 600, t he same as רקש (falsehood). In a w orld of רקש , we must HOLD ON to our relationship with Hashem!
Rabbi Ori Strum is the author of “Ready. Set. Grow.” “Dove Tales,” “Karpas: The Big Dipper,“ and “VEYIDGU: The Upstream Jew.”
His shiurim and other Jewish content can be found on Torah Anytime and Meaningful Minute. He may be reached at rabbistrumo@gmail.com
W hat are we to do in these dramatic times? How a re we, as Yidden, meant to survive and thrive? H ow are we supposed to stay strong?
T he answer is to do exactly what we have been d oing for thousands of years. That is, to stay c onnected to our roots, to the Source. To live by t he Torah and observe the commandments. The T orah itself is unchanging, however, its morals a nd lessons that it imparts to us make us the m ost changed, developed, and mission-driven p eople.
P arshas Shelach is shrouded in the sadness and d arkness of the םילגרמה אטח – Sin of the 10 Spies – and the subsequent consequence of 40 years o f exile. However, at the very end of the parsha, t he Torah discusses the Mitzvah of tzitzis. In C hapter 15, Verse 39, we are taught: םכל היהו
– These will be your tzitzis. When you see it, you w ill remember all the commandments of G-d to p erform them…
R abbeinu Bachaya teaches us that the strings of t he tzitzis can be likened to a life-rope that the c aptain of a ship throws to someone who fell i nto the turbulent waters. The captain cries out, “ Hold on! Hold on tight and you will be saved.” H ashem, the Greatest Captain of all time, gave us t he Torah. And He cries out to us, “Hold on! Hold o n tight and you will be saved!” As it says in M ishlei (3:18):
For it is a t ree of life for those that hold onto it.
PARSHA STATS
Pesukim - 119
Words - 1540
Letters - 5820
Mitzvos - 3
ThoughtsChassidus in
The land of Eretz Yisroel is above nature, it is in the realm of ןמ הלעמל עבטה. The problem with the mission of the 10 spies (Meraglim) was that by wanting to check out the land, they were – in essence –bringing the land down from the lofty “above nature” realm to something in the realm of “nature.”
Did You
Know?!
One of the passages in our parsha discusses Challah, the requirement to separate a portion of bread for the Kohen. In the laws of Challah, fascinatingly, if the flour is from Chutz La’aretz but was kneaded into dough in Eretz Yisroel, halacha considers it to have the full status of challas Eretz Yisroel!
O ur key to survival lies in our ability to connect t o our roots and to the ultimate Source of life. A c ut flower may look nice for the time being, but i t is not really alive. The Torah is our means to s tay alive! When you hold on to it, it will hold on t o you, and your life will take on more meaning, p urpose, and vitality!
PointsPonder to
The Torah tells us that the Meraglim thought they looked like grasshoppers in the eyes of the giants. Rashi, however, says they looked like ants.
Which one is it? Grasshoppers or ants?
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Headlines Halacha
How to Make Your Child Go Off the Derech
by Rabbi Yair Hoffman
This is one of the most painful subjects in our community. It is also one of the most misunderstood. When a young person walks away from Torah and mitzvos, most people look outside the home for the cause. They blame bad friends, a phone, or the culture all around us. Those things are real, and a wise parent does not ignore them.
It may not be politically correct to say it, but a not insignificant part of the time, however, a child who leaves is reacting to something inside the home, not outside of it.
Teens who reject their family’s way of life are, at times, reacting to hurt and fights with their parents, and the parents do not see it. They are not reacting to some flaw they were born with or to the outside world.
There is also a second concept, a scientific one, that helps explain why the damage goes so far. Deep in the brain is the amygdala. It is the alarm system that warns us of danger. It does not care about hashkafa or theology. It cares about safety. When a child spends years in a religious setting feeling like a failure — or worse, feeling neglected or abused — the brain starts to connect things. Slowly, the symbols of Torah, like Shabbos, or the Gemara, or shul, or tzinius get tied to pain. An effective mashal is an electrical outlet that shocks you every time you touch it. After a while, your body screams at you to stay away.
Looked at this way, “leaving” is often not about beliefs at all. It is a way to survive. A life of Torah is supposed to calm a person and make him feel steady. But when it does the opposite and fills him with stress, the teen runs in order to feel safe.
Here is the hopeful part. A parent cannot change a child’s nature and cannot block out the whole world. But a
parent can change the relationship. And that relationship, more than anything else, decides whether Yiddishkeit feels like safety or like pain.
So here is an article written backwards. It does not claim to have all the answers. But it is a suggestion that may open up our eyes. Imagine someone wanted to push a child to leave. Suppose that was the actual goal. Here is how to do it. Read each one, and the right thing to do may become more clear.
Turn The Home Into a Courtroom
Make the house a place where the child is always being judged. Let every talk come back to grades, behavior, and what he or she did wrong.
One Torah educator asked a set of parents to record everything they said at home for a few days. When they listened to it later, they were shocked at how often they criticized their children. Most parents who do this have no idea they are doing it. Too much criticism is
the number one thing that breaks the bond between parent and child. A child who feels the home is a courtroom will stop showing up to be judged.
Build a System That Values Only One Kind of Child
Set up a system where only one thing matters: being smart and able to sit and learn for many hours. Make sure any child who does not fit that mold knows he or she is worthless.
Picture the boy in the back row who kept drumming on his desk. The teachers called it a problem and wanted to punish him. Then a teacher named Mr. Johnson did something different. He handed the boy a pair of drumsticks and told him he was made to be a drummer. That boy did not have a behavior problem. He had a talent waiting to come out, like a statue waiting inside a block of marble.
When a school treats one kind of child as better than the rest, it turns into a prison instead of a place that helps children grow. A child who is told
that who he is just isn’t good enough does not only leave the school. He leaves the system that he thinks approved of that rejection.
Treat Every Question As Rebellion
When a child asks why, treat it as back-talk instead of curiosity. Shut him down with “we don’t ask that.” The Sefer Chassidim teaches that the mitzvah to respect parents also places a duty on the parents. They should not be so harsh that the child cannot hold himself back and rebels. A child who is not allowed to ask his questions at home does not stop having them. He just takes them somewhere else, to people who are happy to answer.
Make Yiddishkeit Joyless For the Child
Take out all the joy and leave only the rules. And make sure the joylessness lands on the child in particular. Let the adults enjoy their friends and their lively Torah talk. Meanwhile, the child’s whole experience of Shabbos is being corrected: sit still, stop fidgeting, why aren’t you bentching…
Yiddishkeit is passed down through the generations, and parents are the ones who pass it. If the relationship carrying it is broken, what gets passed down will be broken too. A child who only tastes the rules, while the warmth happens over his head, has been handed an empty box and told to treasure it.
Make Kedusha Sound Like Nothing But a List Of No’s Turn a holy life into a cold list of rules, especially about closeness and marriage. Fill the child with the fearful, and often simply wrong, messages about these things that push so many people away. This is actually a twisting
of the tradition. The Holy of Holies was the most sacred place that ever existed. Inside it were the Keruvim, two figures shown in a loving embrace.
Real closeness in Judaism is built on being open and a little vulnerable, not just on following rules. Take the human warmth out of religious life and leave only a wall of no’s, and you have removed its soul while keeping its rulebook.
Compare, Constantly
Hold up the neighbor’s son, the cousin in the better yeshiva, and the sibling who just gets it. And get the child wrong while you do it. One father complained that his son never opened a sefer at home. But that same son was learning hard at an out-of-town yeshiva and only came home once a month, when he naturally needed to relax. The father read it as laziness.
A child who is always measured against others, and against a false picture of himself, learns he will never be good enough. And a child who decides he can never measure up eventually stops trying.
Choose Shame Over Guidance
Answer every mistake with a label and some embarrassment. Be the father who calls his daughter with a learning disability “lazy” or “a manipulator from day one.” Shame tells a child that he or she is bad. Guidance talks about what the child did. Only one of the two lets him stay in the room.
Make Love Depend On Being Religious
Show the child, in a hundred small ways, that your love goes up and down with how observant he or she is. Rav Chaim Pinchas Scheinberg pointed to exactly this as the root of rebellion. If there are rebels, he said, it is because they were never given real love. The trap is the gap between loving and accepting. Almost every parent loves his child. Many find it much harder to accept the child as she really is. And a child can feel the difference.
Never Apologize, and Never Go First
Hold the line that a parent is never wrong and should never have to make the first move. Use the easy excuse: that you can’t be expected to change while the child is still acting up. But a parent and a child do not share the relationship equally. Most of the responsibility sits with the parent. It is the parent’s job
to build something warm and steady, no matter how the child is acting right now. A parent who can never say “I’m sorry” and never goes first teaches that the system is stiff, harsh, and not worth staying in.
Treat a Struggling Child
As
an Embarrassment
Care more about what people will say than about the child in front of you. Think of the father whose sad, with -
the hanging around so you can rebuild the bond underneath. Do not use every right you have just because you have it. A rule that makes a child angrier costs more than it is worth. Notice small progress as it comes, instead of holding back your approval until the child is finally perfect. And change the belief at the bottom of it all. The child is usually not acting out of meanness or laziness. She is acting out of a real pain that can be reached.
A life of Torah is supposed to calm a person and make him feel steady.
drawn son left the Shabbos table in the middle of the meal and went to his room. The father was not worried about a clearly hurting boy. A child who feels he has become an embarrassment to the family has already started to leave.
Model Bullying, Then Call It Religious
Teach a child that pushing people around is how strong people act. Teach him that connections to great rabbis are tools to use, not relationships to live.
Picture a father who builds a close relationship with a great rav. Then he uses it as a weapon. He drops the rav’s name to win arguments, to pressure a neighbor, to lean on a rebbi, and to shame anyone in his way. The whole time, he acts like the rav’s most devoted follower. The child sees all of it. He learns two things at once: that bullying works, and that religion is just the costume it wears. The same thing happens at home when a parent puts down a spouse at the table or picks on the weaker child. Often, mean behavior is a cry for love that never came.
A child raised to bully in Hashem’s name usually sees through it in the end. When the child rejects the bullying, the Yiddishkeit it was wrapped in is also rejected.
Now Do the Opposite
Read the list backwards and the way home appears on its own. Stop criticizing and mean it — a put-down said with a smile or “for his own good” is still a put-down. Put the relationship ahead of the behavior. For a while, be willing to overlook the late mornings and
on the floor. Every instinct says to set a hard boundary, or to cut the child off to protect your other children or your values. But the lifeboat for that child is the parent who chooses the child over the broken dream. Real safety is what finally lets a stressed-out heart relax. Only from a place of safety can a person ever come back and see Hashem as a reason to celebrate instead of a reason to feel ashamed. When a child feels loved no matter what he has chosen, the pain slowly loses its grip.
Under every one of these is a single idea. It is not observance. It is attachment — a safe, loving connection. The opposite of a child disconnecting is not a stricter standard. It is the unconditional love of a parent. The day a child pulls up to the house in a car on Shabbos or shows a tattoo is a huge crossroads. The parent’s own dream lies shattered
None of this is meant to blame parents. Raising children is some of the hardest work there is, and most parents are doing it while carrying heavy loads of their own. It is meant to show how much power a parent holds. The same power that can drive a child away is the power that can bring her home. In any home where a child is struggling, the most important sentence may also be the simplest. Make the child’s happiness, not your own nachas, the goal.
This article should be viewed as a halachic discussion and not practical advice. The author can be reached at yairhoffman2@gmail.com.
Baruch & Nechama Gross on the birth of a son
Zach & Yaffa Stern on the birth of a daughter
R' Yonah & Rena Katz on the birth of a daughter
Want to see your simcha here? Email mazeltov@baltimorejewishhome.com or text 443-675-6507 to submit your simcha!
Home Sweet Home How Much House Can You Really Afford?
By Eli Sklar
One of the most common questions I get from prospective homebuyers is simple: “How much can I qualify for?”
Sometimes, it’s asked a little differently. “I found the house I want. Can I afford it?”
Or:
“I need my monthly payment to stay under a certain number. What price range should I be looking at?”
No matter how the question is asked, the goal is always the same. People want to know what’s realistic before they start shopping for a home or fall in love with a property that may not fit their budget.
The good news is that determining how much home you can afford is usually more straightforward than people think. While every borrower has a unique financial picture, lenders generally follow the same process when evaluating qualification.
Starting With the Purchase Price
Let’s walk through a real-world example.
Suppose you’re looking at a home priced
at $1 million.
You have 25% available for a down payment, which means you’ll put down $250,000 and finance the remaining $750,000.
One of the quick calculations I use when speaking with clients is estimating the monthly principal and interest payment. As a general rule of thumb, I estimate roughly $650 per month for every $100,000 borrowed. Interest rates change over time, so this isn’t meant to be exact, but it provides a helpful starting point.
For a $750,000 mortgage, that estimate comes out to approximately $4,875 per month.
At first glance, many buyers assume that’s their mortgage payment. In reality, that’s only part of the picture.
The Costs Most Buyers Forget
Property taxes and homeowners insurance also need to be factored in. Depending on the location and value of the property, these costs can vary significantly.
For this example, let’s estimate taxes and insurance at $1,500 per month.
Now the monthly housing payment
looks like this:
Principal and Interest: $4,875
Taxes and Insurance: $1,500
Total Housing Payment: $6,375
This is the number lenders focus on when evaluating affordability.
But we’re not done yet.
Most borrowers also have other monthly obligations. These can include car leases, student loans, credit card minimum payments, personal loans, or other recurring debts.
Let’s assume our borrower has the following:
Car Lease: $600
Student Loans: $200
Credit Cards: $200
Total Monthly Debt: $1,000
When we add those obligations to the housing payment, we get total monthly obligations of approximately $7,375.
How Banks Actually Calculate Qualification
Now we can begin evaluating whether the borrower qualifies.
Let’s assume the borrower earns $20,000 per month, or $240,000 per year.
Most lenders evaluate qualification using two important ratios.
The first is the housing ratio, sometimes called the front-end ratio. This compares the monthly housing payment to the borrower’s gross monthly income.
Many loan programs allow borrowers to go up to approximately 45%.
Using our example:
$20,000 × 45% = $9,000
This means the borrower can generally support a housing payment of approximately $9,000 per month.
The second ratio is the total debt-to-income ratio, often referred to as the backend ratio. This includes both the housing payment and all other recurring monthly obligations. Many programs allow this ratio to reach approximately 49.9%.
Using our example:
$20,000 × 49.9% = $9,980
This means the borrower’s total monthly obligations should generally remain below approximately $9,980 per month.
So Would This Borrower Qualify?
Let’s compare the numbers.
Housing Payment: $6,375
Maximum Housing Payment Allowed: $9,000
Total Monthly Obligations: $7,375
Maximum Total Obligations Allowed: $9,980
In this example, the borrower comfortably falls within both lending guidelines.
The housing payment is well below the allowable housing ratio, and the combined housing and revolving debt obligations remain below the maximum debt-to-income threshold.
Based on these numbers, the borrower would generally qualify for this transaction, assuming the credit profile, employ-
begin the conversation by asking how much they qualify for. Instead, they tell me what monthly payment they’re comfortable with.
They’ll say something like:
“I don’t want my payment to be more than $6,000 per month.”
Or:
“I want to make sure I still have room in my budget for vacations, retirement savings, and my children’s activities.”
I actually like approaching things this way.
Just because a lender approves you for a certain amount doesn’t necessarily mean that’s the amount you should borrow.
Determining how much home you can afford is usually more straightforward than people think.
ment history, assets, and other underwriting requirements are met.
This is why understanding the numbers is so important. Many buyers either underestimate or overestimate what they can afford. Running the calculations allows us to replace assumptions with real answers.
Why Two People With the Same Income Can Qualify for Different Homes
Another misconception I see regularly is the belief that income alone determines qualification.
It doesn’t.
Let’s imagine two borrowers who each earn $240,000 per year.
Borrower A has no student loans, no auto payments, and pays off credit cards every month.
Borrower B has a large car lease, student loans, and several monthly debt obligations.
Even though both borrowers earn exactly the same income, Borrower A will typically qualify for a larger mortgage because they have fewer recurring obligations.
Income is certainly important, but it is only one piece of the puzzle.
Your down payment, credit profile, debt obligations, and overall financial picture all play a role in determining how much home you can comfortably afford.
The Better Question
Interestingly, many of my clients don’t
The goal isn’t simply getting approved.
The goal is creating a mortgage payment that works comfortably within your lifestyle and long-term financial goals.
The Bottom Line
At the end of the day, buying a home is one of the largest financial decisions most people will ever make.
Understanding what you qualify for isn’t just about obtaining a mortgage approval. It’s about understanding what fits comfortably within your financial goals and lifestyle.
The process starts with a few simple questions:
• How much income do you earn?
• How much debt do you currently have?
• How much are you planning to put down?
• What monthly payment feels comfortable for you?
Once those questions are answered, we can build a strategy around your goals and determine what’s possible.
Sometimes, you’ll discover you’re ready today.
Sometimes, you’ll discover a few adjustments can put you in a stronger position tomorrow.
Either way, having the right information allows you to make smarter decisions and move forward with confidence.
And that’s really what the mortgage process should be all about.
School of Thought
By Etti Siegel
Q:Dear Etti, What is the secret? Why are certain kids in school more popular than other kids? If I knew that, maybe I could help my child be more popular!
- Wondering
A:Dear Wondering, I love that you asked this question because I think almost every parent wonders the same thing. We watch certain children seem to move easily through social situations while others struggle to connect, and we think: what exactly are those children doing differently?
After many years in classrooms, lunchrooms, hallways, recess yards, camps, and school trips, I can tell you something important: truly well-liked children are usually not the loudest, fanciest, prettiest, funniest, or most talented children in the room. And they are often not the children parents assume are the “popular” ones either. I checked to be sure, and the research agrees: What children are drawn to most are other children who make them feel comfortable (Psychology Today; developmental peer studies).
That starts very young. Children naturally gravitate toward peers who smile at them, make room for them, listen to them, and make them feel included. A child who says, “Come sit here,” “Want to play with us?” or “That was funny!” builds social connection constantly without even realizing it.
I have also noticed over the years that children who are genuinely interested in other people tend to do better socially. Some children walk into a room thinking, “Will people like me?” while others walk in thinking, “Who
can I talk to?” Those are two very different energies, and children feel that difference immediately.
Many socially successful children are also flexible. They know how to go along sometimes, compromise, recover from small disappointments, and not make every interaction emotionally intense. That matters tremendously in friendships. Children enjoy being around peers who feel emotionally safe and predictable.
What children are drawn to most are other children who make them feel comfortable.
Another huge piece is confidence, but not the loud or showy kind adults sometimes mistake for confidence. I mean the quiet kind. The child who can laugh at a mistake. The child who does not completely fall apart if something awkward happens. The child who can survive not winning a game without spiraling emotionally. Children are very drawn to peers who seem comfortable in their own skin.
And yes, social awareness matters too (often called Theory of Mind skills). Some children naturally read facial expressions, tone of voice, and group dynamics more easily than others. They notice when someone wants a turn to speak. They notice when a joke went too far. They notice when someone looks left out. Those children often become socially successful because they make other people feel seen.
The good news is that many of these skills can absolutely be taught.
Children learn social skills the same way they learn reading or riding a bike: through modeling, practice, mistakes, coaching, and repetition. That means parents can help tremendously.
Talk to your child about noticing others. Practice
conversations in the car. Teach them how to enter a group instead of taking over a group. Help them learn how to lose graciously, apologize sincerely, and recover from awkward moments instead of shutting down. Encourage them to invite others over, especially children who may also need a friend.
And one more thing: try not to make “being popular” the goal. Children can feel that pressure. The goal is not for every child to become the center of attention. The goal is for your child to build the kinds of qualities that help them form healthy, lasting relationships over time.
Some children have large friend groups. Others have one or two close friends and are perfectly happy. The number matters much less than the quality of the relationships.
I also think children absorb more from home than we realize. Children who grow up watching parents greet guests warmly, speak kindly about others, show interest in people, include neighbors, and maintain friendships often carry those same behaviors into school naturally. And finally, it helps to remember that childhood social dynamics change constantly. The child who struggles socially in fourth grade may blossom in seventh. The “popular” child everyone wants to be around at age ten is not always the child people admire most at age twenty-five. So no, I don’t think there is an actual secret formula. But there are skills, habits, warmth, and emotional awareness that help children build friendships successfully. And those things can absolutely be nurtured over time.
Hatzlacha,
- Etti
MS in Teaching and Learning/Educational Leadership and brings sound teaching advice to her audiences culled from her over 35 years of teaching and administrative experi-
is an Adjunct at the College of Mount Saint Vincent/Sara
She is a coach and educational consultant for Catapult Learning, FACTS Education Solutions, Brienza Academic Advantage, Yeled V’Yalda; is a sought-after mentor and workshop presenter around the country; and a popular presenter for Sayan (a teacher-mentoring program), Hidden Sparks, and the Consortium of Jewish Day Schools. She is a frequent contributor to Hamechanech magazine and The Journal for Jewish Day School Leaders and has a weekly column in The Jewish Home. She can be contacted for questions and comments at ettisiegel@gmail.com.
Mrs. Etti Siegel holds a
ence. Etti
Shenirer.
To Raise a Laugh
Behaving Like Animals
Iwrite about dumb criminals from time to time –enough that the average reader would assume that all dumb criminals are human.
This isn’t necessarily true. Animals do silly things all the time. Just like humans, they commit crimes in broad daylight, steal things that don’t seem to be worth the jail time, and stop in middle of their crimes because something shiny caught their eye.
I say they should be put in jail with the criminals.
Or maybe that’s what zoos are – they’re jails for animals who are also criminals. That’s why every time an animal escapes, the zoo panics, and everyone’s like, “Stay in your homes! Don’t pick up hitchhikers!”
In fact, now that we’ve figured this out, I say that zoos would be far more interesting if, next to each sign that says what the animal is, there would be a sign saying what crime it’s in for – theft, trespassing, arson, racketeering, or anything from that “ridiculous laws” article I wrote a few months back, such as transporting hay in Oregon without a certificate, handling salmon in a suspicious manner, and driving through cemeteries for pleasure.
I’m not sure where they’d put the sign at a drive-through safari, though. And they need one there. I have here an article from January, titled, “Greedy Giraffe Steals Ice Cream During Drive-Through Safari.”
According to the article, a family in Germany was on a safari, had purchased some ice cream cones, and, quote, “were enjoying them while petting some zebras”, which sounds super hygienic.
But suddenly, a giraffe poked his head into the car – repeatedly – sticking out his footlong tongue and making grabs at the woman’s ice cream. Eventually, the woman realized that she was licked (oy), and let it have her cone. But then it made a pass at their 6-year-
old son’s cone. The father, meanwhile, caught the whole thing on video, instead of, you know, attempting to protect his son.
Or take the story, also from January, in which a woman in Oregon – Katelyn Lund –opened the door to go into a 7-Eleven, when a goat ran past her into the store, without so much as a thank you, and went straight for the Skittles, ripped a package open, and started eating it off the floor.
Katelyn had no idea what to do at that point. So she took a video.
See, when animals commit crimes, no one stops them. They just take videos, so they can use them later in court.
She later found out that the animal belonged to another customer who came in all the time. And the goat was like, “Oh, he’s paying for me.”
See, this is why Avraham Avinu used to muzzle his goats. For when he went to the makolet.
And this isn’t the only case of animals stealing from convenience stores. A convenience store in Toronto recently reached out to the general public to figure out what to do about, quote, “a gang of squirrels who keep stealing candy bars from their store.”
In case you think crime doesn’t happen in Canada.
The squirrels are sneaking in, a few times a day, and taking chocolate bars from the bottom rack. They especially like the ones with nuts. The storeowners don’t even realize until after it happens, because the squirrels are wearing trench coats. So they turned to the public for help.
Mainly, they were looking for ideas. They said that animal control wasn’t really helpful, and sprinkling red pepper flakes on the bars might deter the squirrels, but it would be hazardous for the kids. (The human kind.)
(Also the goat kind.)
By Mordechai Schmutter
And animals aren’t just into theft. A few years back, a dog in Germany attempted murder when it found a live hand grenade from WWII and happily trotted over to its owner. The owner immediately went into the mode that you go into when you see your 2-year-old across the room holding a vase.
What do you do? If you attempt to run away, it’ll think you’re playing a game and chase you down.
Your best option is to throw the grenade and hope it explodes before the dog happily brings it back to you.
Animals are into sabotage too. In June, a monkey fell off the roof of a power company in Africa and landed on a transformer, setting off a chain reaction that blew multiple transformers and plunged most of Kenya into darkness. Also, it was no picnic for the monkey.
And it’s not just monkeys that take out power. There have been over 879 documented cases of squirrels taking out power in the last 15 years, possibly as an attempt to disable security cameras. There was also a raccoon in Seattle, a snake in South Carolina, a goose in Indiana, a chicken in Maui, and in one case in Montana, a deer. It was found hanging from the power lines, and no one knows how it got there.
Maybe it was chasing a squirrel.
But the truth is that we don’t even know WHAT deer can do. Like we always see “Deer Crossing” signs, but we never see any deer actually crossing at the sign. They’re all like, “I can do what I want. These are human laws.”
Point is, it’s not always the humans committing the crimes. And anyway, we all know that the real crime here is all the animal puns in this article.
Mordechai Schmutter is a freelance writer and a humor columnist for Hamodia and other magazines. He has also published eight books and does stand-up comedy. You can contact him at MSchmutter@gmail.com.
Mental Health Corner I Made A Mistake
By Rabbi Azriel Hauptman
Conflicts are part of life. Whenever two people share the same space, they are bound to occasionally not see eye-to-eye. A conflict does not necessarily have to develop into a quarrel, and developing the skills necessary to reach a peaceful conflict resolution is essential for navigating differences of opinion in one’s marriage, family, neighborhood, and workplace. Unfortunately, little disagreements can sometimes escalate into full-blown feuds that can tear families and communities apart, and therefore we must do whatever we can to be proactive in making ourselves into the kinds of people that know how to nip conflicts in the bud.
There are several key aspects that are necessary for a peaceful resolution, and a series of articles would be necessary to even scratch the surface. In the limited space that is available for this article, we will touch on one important life skill, and that is the ability to say, “I made a mistake.”
In most conflicts, even if you were right, you were at least partially wrong. Maybe you overreacted, did not treat the
other person with respect, or maybe you were simply wrong. The simple solution would be to go to the other party and completely and honestly admit that you were wrong and made a mistake. Easier said than done. As we all know from life experience, one of the most difficult things in life is to admit when you are wrong.
Chazal mention this in several places. In Avos (5:7) we are taught that the ability to admit that you made a mistake is one of the differences between a wise man and a boor. The Gemara (Zevachim 101a) teaches us that when Moshe Rabbeinu became upset at Elazar and Issamar for burning a Korbon that he thought should have been eaten, his brother Aharon explained to him that he was making a mistake. Moshe Rabbeinu immediately admitted his error and the Gemara says that Moshe Rabbeinu was not embarrassed to admit that he had been taught the Halacha as Aharon had stated, but he had forgotten it. Indeed, the Avos D’Reb Nosson states that Moshe Rabbeinu personifies this Middah of readily admitting your mistakes.
Chazal’s identification of Moshe Rabbeinu as the paradigm of admitting one’s mistakes is a clue into the underpinnings of overcoming this incredible challenge. This is because Moshe Rabbeinu was also the paradigm of humility as the Torah tells us (Bamidbar 12:3) that he was the humblest person in the world. Hence, if we can figure out the fundamentals of genuine humility, we will also presumably understand how to be honest about our mistakes.
What is the secret for achieving true humility? On a simple level, the answer seems to lie in the concept of self-worth.
Self-worth is the internal sense that you are a person of value simply because Hashem created you and not because of any specific accomplishment. Such a person feels comfortable in their own skin and does not judge their worth based on others. (This is different from self-esteem which is often used to describe your pride in what you have accomplished.) When you internalize the timeless message that every person was created in the image of
Hashem, you can reach the point where you do not need to engage in thoughts of grandiosity, because you are a person of worth and value just the way you are.
You can also readily admit your mistakes, since due to your strong sense of selfworth, you do not fear that you will be devalued as a result of your mistakes. Therefore, Moshe Rabbeinu was both the paradigm of humility and he was also someone who had no problem saying, “I made a mistake.”
We will never reach the level of Moshe Rabbeinu, but we can try to move ourselves in that direction as much as we can. Working on our sense of self-worth will help us become humbler and more honest. By the way, the bonus is that we will also be much happier as a result.
This is a service of Relief Resources. Relief is an organization that provides mental health referrals, education, and support to the frum community. Rabbi Yisrael Slansky is director of the Baltimore branch of Relief. He can be contacted at 410-448-8356 or at yslansky@reliefhelp.org
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The Ultimate Test Of Character Living Kiddush Hashem
By Rabbi Shraga Freedman
Chacham Ovadia Yosef zt”l shared the following:
The author of Reishis Chochmah, a holy and saintly man, writes of an incident that occurred:
“I knew a certain man who was not among the greatest Torah scholars, just an ordinary person, a G-d fearing Jew. He passed away, and within three months I saw him in a dream.
I asked him, ‘What happened with your judgment in the Next World?’
He answered, ‘My rebbe, know that in Heaven they paid no attention at all to my mitzvos or my aveiros. As soon as I arrived, they opened my record and examined how I behaved toward my household and how I treated the members of my family.
I honored my wife, honored my children, and did not raise my voice at them. I spoke to them only with respect.’
He conducted himself with genuine humility.
He continued, ‘Because of this, they were not exacting with me in Heaven. I do have sins, but they did not even look at the record of my aveiros.
They said: “Midah k’neged midah, measure for measure. Just as he behaved humbly with the members of his household, even when they upset him, and just as he overlooked offenses and forgave wrongdoing, so too we will overlook for him.”
And they sent him directly into Gan Eden.
With everyone, he related with love, understanding, and respect, never harshly or oppressively. He always interacted pleasantly and affectionately. He disciplined when necessary, but he did not act like an angry ruler. There was no quarreling or strife.
“May my soul be like dust to all,” is referring to being humble even before his own children.’”
This story is a powerful reminder that our greatest Kiddush Hashem often takes place behind closed doors.
The truest measure of our midos is not how we act in public, but how we speak and behave within our own homes.
The most authentic version of a person is revealed in the way he treats his spouse, his children, and the people closest to him.
True humility is expressed specifically in the home, where a person feels a sense of authority and control.
It is there that patience, restraint, respect, and compassion become the clearest reflection of one’s neshama.
If these articles resonate with you and you believe in the power of living with the awareness and sensitivities of our mission of Kiddush Hashem, please consider contributing to our once-a-year campaign at LivingKiddushHashem.org
Your support enables us to reach more schools, and communities through our many educational programs, resources, and initiatives.
Rabbi Shraga Freedman is the author of Sefer Mekadshei Shemecha, Living Kiddush Hashem, and A Life Worth Living.
Email LivingKiddushHashem@ gmail.com for a free sefer. Visit LivingKiddushHashem.org for more resources
Living Kiddush Hashem was founded with the goal of imbuing every Jew with a powerful sense of mission — the mission to be mekadeish Sheim Shamayim in his or her own unique way. We strive to accomplish this by raising awareness of the paramount importance of the mitzvah of Kiddush Hashem and its centrality in everything we do.
TEACHER POSITIONS
Yeshivas Chofetz Chaim –
Supervision and mentoring of Special Education staff
Oversight of student support services, scheduling, and accommodations
Collaborating with Rebbeim, teachers, administrators, parents, and outside professionals
Guidance for parents through testing, diagnosis, and placement processes
Participation in student planning and support meetings
Ongoing development and strengthening of the program to meet student needs
REQUIREMENTS
A background in Special Education
Leadership, organizational and communication skills
Experience working collaboratively with teachers, parents, and outside professionals
A deep commitment to helping children succeed within a yeshiva environment
Centerfold
Ticker Tape Parade Trivia
1. What is the name of the famous New York City route used for ticker-tape parades?
a. Canyon of Heroes
b. Victory Boulevard
c. Liberty Lane
d. Heroes Highway
2. The largest ticker-tape parade ever in New York City was attended by approximately 7 million people. What was the parade in honor of?
a. General Douglas MacArthur, 1951
b. Mets World Series, 1969
c. Yankees, 1996
d. Giants, 2008
3. How much paper is typically dropped during a large New York ticker-tape parade?
a. Up to 5 tons
b. Up to 20 tons
c. Up to 50 tons
d. Up to 500 tons
4. How did the ticker-tape parade tradition start?
a. In 1886, office workers watching a parade spontaneously tossed ticker tape (a narrow strip of paper used by stock-market machines) from windows
b. City officials distributed paper ribbons to spectators during the opening of the Brooklyn Bridge
Yes, I am that confident!
c. Newspaper boys threw unsold papers into the air after a World Series victory
d. A department store accidentally released thousands of paper receipts during a grand opening
5. Which event was honored with New York City’s very first tickertape parade in 1886?
a. The Brooklyn Dodgers won the World Series
b. The return of Theodore Roosevelt from Cuba
c. Charles Lindbergh’s transatlantic flight
d. The unveiling of the Statue of Liberty
6. As of 2025, approximately how many ticker-tape parades had New York City held in its history?
a. 73
b. 156
c. 209
d. 247
7. Which one of these people didn’t receive his own ticker-tape parade?
a. Muhammad Ali
b. Albert Einstein
c. John Glenn
d. Amelia Earhart
8. What permanent tribute does New York City give to every ticker-tape parade?
a. A black granite strip on the sidewalk in Lower Manhattan
b. A plaque on the entranceway in City Hall
c. A square in Penn Station, lower level
d. A key to the city
Answers:
Wisdom Key:
5-8 correct: You deserve a granite plaque in the Canyon of Heroes and a key to New York City.
2-4 correct: You get some tickertape (unlike in shul when the guy handing out the aufruf bags always ignores you. You should not have stolen the marshmallow six years ago. Everyone knows you are an eater, not a thrower).
0-1 correct: Your brain has a little too much ticker-tape flying around in it.
15 Signs You’re Taking a Parade Way Too Seriously
Riddle Me This
You bring binoculars to watch a giant balloon from 20 feet away.
You refer to your curbside folding chair as “premium seating.”
You tell anybody that will listen, “Back in my day, the ticker-tape was real.”
You spend more time planning your paradeviewing strategy than your vacation.
You insist on explaining to strangers which parade was better in 1997.
You consider catching candy thrown from a float an athletic achievement.
You bring a cooler, snacks, sunscreen, a charger, two jackets, and a backup chair “just in case.”
You complain that the confetti density isn’t what it used to be.
You know the difference between a marching band, a drum corps, and a marching band that’s trying too hard.
You treat losing your spot on the curb like a real-estate dispute.
You say, “This float was much better before they redesigned it.”
You have shouted, “HERE COMES THE GOOD FLOAT!” with complete sincerity.
You secretly believe that if you attended a tickertape parade, the honoree would point at you and say, “I couldn’t have done it without that guy.”
You scout the route the night before like you’re preparing for a military operation.
It is your task to determine how high you can drop a golf ball without it breaking. There is a 100-story building, and you must determine which is the highest floor you can drop a ball from without breaking it. You have only two golf balls to use as test objects. If both of them break before you determine the answer, then you have failed at your task. If a ball doesn’t break, you can reuse it without worrying about it being weakened. Both balls are the same strength.
What is the order of floors that you should drop the balls from to minimize the number of droppings that you will have to make to determine the answer?
Keep repeating this process, always going up one less floor than the last, dropping until the first ball breaks. By the eleventh dropping of the first ball, if you get that far, you will have reached the 99th floor.
If the first ball survives the 27-floor drop, then drop it again from the 39th (14+13+12) floor. If it breaks, you can determine the exact breaking point with at most 11 more droppings.
If the first ball survives the 14-floor drop, then drop it again from the 27th (14+13) floor. If it breaks, you can determine the exact breaking point with at most 12 more droppings.
First drop the first ball from the 14th floor. If it breaks, you can determine the exact breaking point with the other ball in at most 13 more droppings, starting at the bottom and going up one floor at a time.
Answer: You can determine the breaking point with a maximum of 14 drops. Here’s how to do it:
Notable Quotes
“Say What?!”
Exchange between Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent and Rep. Judy Chu (D-Calif.) at a Congressional hearing
CHU: Sec. Bessent, do you agree with Pres. Trump that you don’t care about Americans’ financial situation.
BESSENT: Congresswoman, who was the president during World War I?
CHU: Are you refusing to answer my question?
BESSENT: No, who was the president during World War I?
CHU: I don’t know.
In Jersey, we’d throw him off the ballot or bury him under the Meadowlands.
- Rep. Josh Gottheimer (D-NJ) on CNN, who, along with Sen. Fetterman, is one of the only Democrats calling out Maine’s Democrat Senate candidate Graham Platner who has a Nazi tattoo
I’ll wear a suit every day.
- Sen. John Fetterman (D-PA) on Fox News promising to wear a suit if Graham Platner agrees to release certain texts proving that he is not a creep
Platner is a hero, and I’ll tell you why. He’s done a tremendous service: he’s slayed two big movements. The “you’re a Nazi” movement. By being a Nazi, and being accepted by the left, you can’t call anybody a Nazi anymore. What about the #MeToo movement? Well, by not believing all women, that goes out the window. Because you’ve gotten the most strident adherents of those causes to accept him, revealing that that whole scene was theatrics.
- Greg Gutfeld, in response to Graham Platner’s primary victory in Maine (and the Democrat establishment’s support of him)
I haven’t followed these allegations closely.
- Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) when asked about the many allegations that Graham Platner has been abusive to women
He is a Jew. You remember, his grandfather was fighting against Nazis. I think he is turning in his grave now.
-Putin talking about Ukrainian Pres. Zelensky, who Putin argues supports Nazis in Ukraine
I got a phone call during the war from Tucker Carlson. He called me and said, “Mr. Ambassador, can you please take me off the list.” I was shocked. I told him, “What are you talking about.” He told me, “I’m being attacked by the Jews, so maybe you have like a list. Can you take me off the list.” So, I waited for a minute and said, “Mr. Carlson you are being attacked because you are spreading lies, blood libels against our soldiers… you are spreading antisemitism, you are hosting antisemites, so you are being attacked.” When I got off the call, I said to myself, “Maybe we should have a list. It’s about time we put together a list of those who promote antisemitism online, on those that are hosting antisemites, and fight back.
– Israel’s UN Ambassador Danny Danon during a recent interview
Black women, especially black woman who have black male children, live in fear and agony every single day. A fear and agony that I promise you the Metcalfs probably never spent a day living that way.
- Rep. Jasmine Crockett (D-TX), after black teenager Karmelo Anthony, 19, was convicted for the fatal stabbing of 17-year-old Austin Metcalf at a high school track meet in Texas because Metcalf asked Anthony to leave his team’s bench and go to his own team’s bench
Dating Dialogue What Would You Do If…
Moderated by Jennifer Mann, LCSW of The Navidaters
Dear Navidaters,
I was wondering if the panel could help me with this.
I’m a 24-year-old physical therapist and have been dating for a couple years. I make home visits to the elderly. Recently, I was with a client, and she was talking all about her amazing single grandson, whom she wants to set me up with. I’m afraid if I take the bait and go forward, things will be very awkward working with her. She’s a very forthcoming personality and pushy. I can imagine if we go out and if I say no she won’t stop talking about/ giving me tzarus about it. On the other hand, I don’t want to pass up what could potentially be a great idea.
What’s the smartest way to go forward with this?
Thank you, Yael*
Disclaimer: This column is not intended to diagnose or otherwise conclude resolutions to any questions. Our intention is not to offer any definitive conclusions to any particular question, rather offer areas of exploration for the author and reader. Due to the nature of the column receiving only a short snapshot of an issue, without the benefit of an actual discussion, the panel’s role is to offer a range of possibilities. We hope to open up meaningful dialogue and individual exploration.
The Panel
Dear Readers,
We want to offer YOU an opportunity to be part of the discussion! Please email us at MichelleMondShadchan@gmail.com, subject line “reader’s response,” if you would like to participate in the new “A Reader’s Response” columnist spot. We will send you a question and publish your answer in an upcoming Navidaters edition.
If you have a question you would like the Navidaters to answer, please reach out to this email as well.
Looking forward!
Michelle, the “Shadchan”
The Rebbetzin
Rebbetzin Faigie Horowitz, M.S.
Yael, you are smart not to pass up the opportunity, yet you want to protect yourself. Talk it over with your client and explain to her that you will entertain her suggestion and go out with him but she has to do hers – not pressure you. Tell her how much you like her and care about her personally and professionally and want the relationships to continue whether or not this suggestion goes somewhere. Openness is the best. But you do know your client, and you may still be worried.
Therefore, you may want to get someone involved, perhaps a shadchan or someone you both know to serve as the go-between. S/he can tell grandma that it’s probably more comfortable for both of you this way as you want to keep seeing her professionally. Keep thanking the senior for her caring and consideration but keep the shidduch in the hands of someone else who can remind her that this is necessary to maintain a good working relationship.
The Shadchan
Michelle Mond
Firstly, I would tell you to stop and take a moment to thank Hashem for giving you this experience. It’s not every day that someone you work with so closely would not only go out of their
way to think of an idea for you but to think of a grandson! What a compliment! You are clearly doing something right – whether it be your excellent social skills or how you hold yourself. This is truly every single girl’s dream!
I would suggest telling Mrs. Yentelmeyer (you didn’t give a name, so I took the liberty of creating one that fits the character), how much you appreciate her offer. Ask her to tell you about her grandson. If what you hear piques your interest, my suggestion is to tell her the following. “Mrs. Yentelmeyer, your grandson sounds AMAZING! I’m so honored that you thought of me! I’m currently busy, but that could change. I usually go through a specific shadchan, so do you mind giving me his name so I could give it over to this shadchan if I end up becoming available again?”
This accomplishes a few things. It takes the responsibility out of Grandma’s hands and makes it clear you’d use a professional going forward. Also, since you’ve said you’re busy, she (hopefully) won’t keep asking you for details or updates. You can use your time to find out if this guy is really a good match for you. If indeed he is a good match and the suggestion is redt , you will have to assume Mrs. Yentelmeyer will hear about it. You should go forward with it anyway! We are all Klal Yisroel – what do you have to worry about?
She will understand at the end of the day if things don’t work out between the two of you. Not everyone is for everyone. If she gives you a hard time with it, take it with a grain of salt and some humor. If it works out in the end, please update us here because you have a massive audience already who is dying to know the ending to this story!
The Zaidy
Dr.
IJeffrey Galler
n this world, everyone has an important job to perform. A physical therapist tries to restore her patients to healthy function; a grandmother tries to get her grandchildren married; and a newspaper columnist tries to suggest common-sense solutions to seemingly intractable problems.
Let’s discuss your situation. If you think about it, you should, of course, be flattered that your patient thinks so highly of you. You must have made a very good impression on her.
So, how to proceed? At this stage of your life, you’ve likely developed a network of trusted friends, reliable contacts, and mentors. It should be a relatively simple matter for you to discreetly check out
Wonderful matches have been made in stranger ways.
her grandson and determine if he seems like a good fit for you.
After that, you have two options.
Option #1
If it does seem like a good opportunity for you, then perhaps you should agree to go on a date with him. Perhaps this is Hashem’s way of setting you up with your Mr. Right. What do you really have to lose?
Then, if the two of you do go out and simply don’t hit it off, you can both move on to your next opportunities.
Want to see your simcha here? Email mazeltov@baltimorejewishhome.com or text 443-675-6507 to submit your simcha!
that this guy is not someone you wish to meet and date, then simply decline the opportunity, and explain to your patient, “I’m very flattered that you think so highly of me. But I am seeing someone right now.”
In the unlikely event that the patient presses you for more details, just reply sweetly, “My grandmother told me, that when I am dating someone, I should not discuss it with anyone. Even a nice lady like you.”
Simple. Polite. Definitive. And, hopefully, enough to keep the focus on your patient’s therapy, where it belongs.
Reader’s Response
Rachel Shteierman A Waterbury Shadchan
Dear Yael, I think there are two separate things to think about here.
The first is the actual suggestion. Just because your client thinks her grandson is amazing does not necessarily mean this is a good idea for you. Before getting nervous about what may happen afterward, I think you first have to find out if there is even
Pulling It All Together
The Navidaters
Dating and Relationship Coaches and Therapists
Dear Yael,
First of all, I want to validate that your hesitation makes perfect sense. You’re not simply deciding whether to go out with a man. You’re deciding whether to potentially blur a relationship that already exists and one that, by the nature of your work, requires professionalism and clear boundaries.
There are two competing truths here. One is that wonderful matches have been made in stranger ways. Grandmothers have been setting up grandchildren since the beginning of time, and it’s entirely possible that this grandson is every bit as amazing as she believes he is. The second truth is that once you invite someone from your professional world into your dating world, it can be difficult to untangle the two if things don’t work out.
something to discuss. Would he be interested? Does the idea make sense to you? Is he the type of person you would normally look into?
If it does sound like a real possibility, then the second piece is how to go forward in a way that keeps things comfortable.
Since you work with the grandmother, I think it would be very reasonable to set that up from the beginning. You can tell her warmly that you appreciate her thinking of you, and that because you enjoy working with her and don’t want anything to become uncomfortable, you would feel better if someone else handled the shidduch.
For example, you could say something like, “I really appreciate you thinking of me. I would be open to looking into it, but since I work with you and I don’t want that relationship to change in any way, I think it would be better if
Saying yes to one date is not saying yes to a relationship.
someone else is the go-between.”
That way, if you go out and it works, wonderful. And if either side says no, there is a boundary so hopefully it doesn’t become something that is discussed every time you come for a visit. So I would not say to automatically pass it up. But I also would not jump in just because the grandmother is pushing it. First, see if the suggestion itself makes sense, and if it does, make sure the boundaries are clear before anything starts.
That said, I would proceed with a great deal of clarity. I would let her know, warmly and appreciatively, that because she is your client, you want to keep expectations low and avoid making things awkward for either of you. You don’t owe her explanations about your dating decisions, and if you do go out with her grandson, I would strongly recommend not sharing details with her beyond, “Thank you for thinking of us. We’re getting to know each other.”
I also think it’s important to trust the information you’re already picking up. You describe her as “forthcoming and pushy.” Often, our anxiety isn’t
Before deciding, I would ask yourself one question: if this woman were not your patient, and a friend described this grandson to you, would you be interested enough to explore it? If the answer is yes, I wouldn’t automatically dismiss the idea simply because of where it came from.
random. Sometimes it’s our mind recognizing dynamics before we’ve consciously articulated them. If you already suspect that she may struggle to respect boundaries, believe that information. You don’t need to assume the worst, but you also don’t need to ignore what you’re seeing.
And remember, saying yes to one date is not saying yes to a relationship. You are not committing to her dream, her hopes, or her expectations. You’re simply agreeing to gather information about another human being. In therapy, we often talk about differentiation: the ability to stay connected to someone without becoming responsible for their feelings. If you decide to meet him, your task will be exactly that. To allow this grandmother to be excited without feeling obligated to manage her disappointment if things don’t work out.
And if the potential stress of navigating her personality outweighs your
curiosity about the grandson, that’s okay too. Not every opportunity must be pursued simply because it might work. Peace of mind matters.
The smartest way forward isn’t to ask, “What if I miss out?” but rather, “Can I maintain healthy boundaries no matter how this unfolds?” If the answer is yes, then perhaps there’s room to be curious. If the answer is no, you have your answer already.
Sincerely,
Jennifer
P.S. One additional thought: some professions have ethical guidelines regarding dual relationships. While a casual introduction isn’t necessarily problematic, I would also encourage you to consider the standards of your workplace and your licensing board. Sometimes the wisest decision isn’t only about dating; it’s about protecting your professional life as well.
Jennifer Mann, LCSW, is a therapist and certified life coach in private practice in Cedarhurst, NY and via telehealth. She works with individuals, couples, and families, and is a part-time school social worker at Bnos Malka Academy. Her work centers on anxiety, relationships, life transitions, and narcissistic abuse. She integrates attachment-based therapy, cognitive behavioral approaches, and relational work, grounded in the belief that healing and growth emerge through honest, attuned, and meaningful human connection. To set up a consultation or to ask questions, please call 718-908-0512.
Common Cents
W-2 Employees: Unlock Tax Strategy
Your W-2 Is Not a Tax Strategy
I spend a lot of time looking at W-2s. For most people, that single sheet of paper feels like a verdict. You work hard all year, your employer withholds some money for the “tax man,” and then in April, you find out if you’re getting a small “gift” back from the government or if you owe them even more.
Most employees treat their taxes as something that happens to them. You can’t control it; you just hope for the best every year around April 15.
If the only thing you’re doing to manage your taxes is punching numbers into some program, you are missing an opportunity to save money. Even as a salaried employee, you have a massive amount of control over how much of your paycheck stays in your pocket and how much goes to Uncle Sam.
It’s time to stop being a passive observer and start pulling the tax levers your employer has already put in your hands.
The “Triple-Threat” of the HSA
If you have a high-deductible health plan, you likely have access to a Health Savings Account (HSA). In my world, the HSA is the undisputed heavyweight champion of tax efficiency.
Most people treat their HSA like a gift card; money goes in, they use it to pay for a co-pay, and they move on. But that’s thinking too small. The HSA is the only account in the tax code that offers a “Triple Tax Advantage”:
1. Tax-deductible contributions: Money goes in before taxes are taken out.
2. Tax-free growth: You can invest the money inside the account, and you don’t pay a dime in capital gains.
3. Tax-free withdrawals: As long as you use the money for qualified medical expenses, it’s never taxed.
The Strategy: If you can afford to pay for your current medical bills out of pocket, do it. Let the HSA money sit and grow in the market for 20 years. You’re essentially building a tax-free healthcare nest egg for retirement.
The “Pre-Tax vs. Roth” Tug-of-War Most 401(k) plans now offer two buck-
ets: Traditional (Pre-Tax) and Roth. This is where I see the most “decision paralysis.”
• Traditional gives you a tax break now. If you’re in your peak earning years and sitting in a high tax bracket (hello, Maryland state taxes + federal), taking the deduction today is often a smart move.
• Roth gives you a tax break later. You pay the tax today, but every dollar it earns is tax-free forever.
The Strategy: This isn’t a “one-sizefits-all” choice. It’s about Tax Diversification. Just as you wouldn’t put all your money in one single stock, you shouldn’t have all your retirement money in one tax bucket. If you’re young and your income is relatively low, go heavy on Roth. If you’re at the top of your career, the immediate deduction of a Traditional 401(k) is a powerful tool to lower your current tax bill.
The Hidden Levers: FSAs and Deferred Comp
Beyond the 401(k), there are “stealth” levers that most employees ignore because the paperwork looks boring.
Flexible Spending Accounts (FSAs): Whether it’s for healthcare or dependent care (childcare), an FSA allows you to pay for these necessities with pre-tax dollars. If you’re paying $15,000 a year in daycare costs, using a Dependent Care FSA can save you thousands in taxes. It’s essentially a government-subsidized discount on your childcare.
Deferred Compensation: For high-earning executives, some companies offer Non-Qualified Deferred Compensation plans. This allows you to defer a portion of your salary or bonus until you are in a lower tax bracket during retirement. It’s a sophisticated move that requires careful planning, but it’s a prime example of a strategy that lives entirely outside your standard W-2 withholding.
The Tax Alpha of Being Intentional
In the investing world, we talk about “Alpha,” which is the return you get above a benchmark. In my world, I look for Tax Alpha
Tax Alpha is the “extra” money you keep simply by being more efficient. It’s the $4,000 you saved by maximizing your
By Elliot Pepper, CPA, CFP®, MST
HSA. It’s the $2,000 you saved because you chose the right 401(k) bucket. It’s the $1,500 you saved by using a Dependent Care FSA.
That’s $7,500 in one year. If you invest that $7,500 every year over a 30year career, it turns into over $700,000 (assuming 7% growth).
That isn’t money you had to work harder for. You didn’t have to ask for a raise or take on a side hustle. You just had to stop treating your W-2 like a final answer.
The Takeaway
Taxes aren’t just something that “happens” to you in April. They are a series of choices you make in January, June, and November. Your employer provides the tools, but you have to be the one to pick them up. By moving from a “W-2 mindset” to a “Strategy mindset,” you stop being a passenger in your financial life and start becoming the pilot.
Your Common Cents Action Plan
• Audit Your Paystub: Look at your most recent paystub. Are you contributing to an HSA? Are you using an FSA for childcare or dental work? If the answer is “no,” you’re likely overpaying your taxes.
• Run a “What-If” Projection: Use a simple tax calculator or talk to a pro to see what happens to your takehome pay if you increase your 401(k) contribution by just 2%. Because it’s pre-tax, your paycheck won’t drop as much as you think.
• Update Your Withholding: If you got a massive refund this year, you gave the government an interest-free loan. Adjust your W-4 so you get that money in your paycheck now and put it to work in your DCA strategy.
The information contained herein is intended to be used for educational purposes only and is not exhaustive. Diversification and/or any strategy that may be discussed does not guarantee against investment losses but are intended to help manage risk and return. If applicable, historical discussions and/or opinions are not predictive of future events. The content is presented in good faith and has been drawn from sources believed to be reliable. The content is not intended to be legal, tax or financial advice. Please consult a legal, tax or financial professional for information specific to your individual situation.
Subscribe to Common Cents digitally on LinkedIn.
The decision to start saving and investing is yours, but the “how” can be hard. Email commoncents@northbrookfinancial. com to schedule a financial planning consultation with our team.
Elliot Pepper, CPA, CFP®, MST is Co-Founder of Northbrook Financial, a Financial Planning, Tax, and Investment Management Firm. He has developed and continues to teach a popular Financial Literacy course for high school students.
• Check the Roth Option: Does your employer offer a Roth 401(k)? If you’ve never looked into it, now is the time to decide if you want to pay the tax man now or later.
Old School
Health & F tness What Your Psychiatric Provider Wishes You Knew
By Rivka Kramer, PMHNP-BC
Psychiatry is a strange field to work in because very little exists in absolutes. We sit with people during some of the hardest moments of their lives while trying to answer questions that rarely have clean answers. Is this depression or grief? Is this anxiety or a nervous system responding appropriately to an overwhelming life? Is this ADHD, burnout, sleep deprivation, trauma, hormones, or some combination of all of the above?
If there is one thing many psychiatry providers wish patients understood, it is that psychiatry is rarely about reducing people into diagnoses or checklists. More often, it is about understanding context. Symptoms matter, but symptoms divorced from a person’s life story only tell part of the story.
The reality is that we are humans first. Patients second. Diagnoses third.
Before the Diagnosis, There is a Person
People often walk into appointments feeling like they need to present themselves in a certain way. Some spend days organizing symptoms into categories beforehand because they are afraid of forgetting something important. Others minimize everything because they worry about sounding dramatic. Many apologize for crying, for rambling, for not having the right words, or for feeling like they are wasting time.
Most providers are not looking for a perfect presentation. We are looking for your experience.
Human beings are complicated. You can function perfectly at work and completely unravel once you get home. You can deeply love your children and still feel touched out and overwhelmed. You can be successful, highly achieving, and outwardly composed while privately feeling exhausted, numb, or barely held together. Contradictions are not evidence that something is wrong with you.
They are evidence that you are human.
When Life Hurts, That Does Not Always Mean Something Is Wrong
One of the hardest truths in mental health is that not everything painful is pathology. Sometimes, life hurts because life is genuinely hard. Losing people hurts. Parenting is exhausting. Pregnancy and postpartum can completely reorganize your body, brain, identity, and relationships. Marriage can feel lonely. Caregiving can feel relentless. Financial stress, chronic illness, infertility, career transitions, trauma, and uncertainty all leave fingerprints on the nervous system.
Modern conversations around mental health have helped reduce stigma, which is incredibly important, but they have also unintentionally created another problem: people sometimes begin to assume every difficult emotion must belong to a diagnosis. It does not.
Sometimes you are not anxious because you have an anxiety disorder. Sometimes your life is objectively overwhelming. Sometimes you are not depressed in the psychiatric sense. You are profoundly exhausted, isolated, grieving, or carrying too much for too long.
Waiting Too Long for Help
At the same time, the opposite mistake happens constantly. People minimize symptoms because they believe they should simply push through them. Patients often wait months or years before seeking help because they tell themselves that everyone struggles, that other people have it worse, or that they should be stronger.
Psychiatric providers hear this every day.
The truth is that suffering does not need to become catastrophic before it deserves attention. Symptoms matter when they begin stealing pieces of your functioning, your relationships, your
energy, your joy, your ability to parent, work, connect, or recognize yourself. You do not need to completely fall apart before asking for help.
Asking About Things That Seem Unrelated
One thing that surprises many people is how often psychiatric appointments involve questions that initially seem unrelated to mental health. Providers ask about sleep, hormones, trauma history, pregnancy experiences, family dynamics, caffeine intake, social media habits, exercise, medical problems, relationships, and childhood experiences because brains do not exist separately from lives.
Sleep deprivation can mimic psychiatric illness. Hormonal changes can mimic psychiatric illness. Trauma can mimic psychiatric illness. Medical conditions can mimic psychiatric illness. Burnout can mimic psychiatric illness. And sometimes psychiatric illness exists underneath all of those layers at the same time.
Good psychiatry often feels less like matching symptoms to a diagnosis and more like detective work.
Medication is a Tool, Not a Moral Decision
Few topics carry more emotional weight than medication. Some patients walk into appointments hoping medication will finally give them relief. Others walk in terrified that needing medication means they have somehow failed. Neither perspective tells the full story.
Medication is a tool. Sometimes it changes lives dramatically. Sometimes it provides modest improvement. Sometimes it causes side effects that require adjustments. Sometimes finding the right medication takes time and patience. Sometimes medication is central to treatment, and oftentimes, it is only one piece of a much larger picture.
We Notice More Than You Think We Do
Providers notice when someone laughs while describing something painful. We notice when people repeatedly call their suffering stupid before sharing it. We notice when someone insists everything is fine while looking profoundly exhausted. We notice when people quickly change subjects after brushing up against something difficult.
Not because we are analyzing every movement, but because shame often speaks louder than symptoms.
Recovery Rarely Looks the Way People Expect
Another thing providers wish patients knew is that progress in mental health treatment is rarely linear. Recovery is often imagined as a clean upward trajectory where treatment starts, symptoms improve, and life quickly returns to normal. In reality, improvement usually happens in smaller, less dramatic ways.
Maybe sleep improves first. Then concentration returns. Then you realize you have a little more patience with your children. Then there is a setback.
Then things stabilize again. Often progress feels so gradual that people miss it while it is happening.
Your
Appointment is Not a Test
Mental health treatment works better when patients understand that appointments are not tests. There is no
The Goal Was Never to Feel Happy All the Time
Perhaps one of the biggest misconceptions about psychiatry is that the goal is happiness at all times.
We experience pockets of happiness. Human beings are supposed to experience disappointment, grief, frustration, stress, uncertainty, anger, joy, excite -
You do not need to completely fall apart before asking for help.
reward for appearing more put together than you feel. Providers generally want honesty more than perfection. We want to know if medications are being skipped, if therapy feels unhelpful, if side effects are miserable, if motivation disappeared, or if recommendations simply are not realistic in the context of your life.
Real treatment plans require real information.
ment, and sadness. The goal is usually something more sustainable: flexibility, resilience, functioning, connection, and the ability to experience difficult emotions without being completely consumed by them.
Living in the Gray Areas
Psychiatry exists in nuance because people exist in nuance.
You can have real symptoms while
also responding normally to difficult circumstances. You can be grateful and depressed. High functioning and struggling. Successful and anxious. A loving parent and completely overwhelmed. You can need medication and lifestyle changes. Therapy and biology. Boundaries and support.
You are not simply a diagnosis, but you are also not entirely separate from your biology. You are not merely a passenger in this complicated experience called life, but you are not fully in control of every wave that reaches you either.
Most of psychiatric care exists somewhere in the middle, helping people learn the difference and helping them find themselves again somewhere along the way.
Rivka Kramer is a Board Certified Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner. She has a psychiatric private practice based in Cedarhurst, NY. She serves as a member of the board of JANPPA, the Jewish American Nurse Practitioner Psychiatric Association. She can be reached at 917-905-3995.
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