The Yom Tov season had just come to a close. We were still flying high from the inspiration of the holy days of tefillah, celebration, and simcha. The joy was amplified by the Hoshana Rabbah release of all the live hostages, which felt like a special gift to end Yom Tov on a high. I was in the midst of taking down my sukkah, feeling a touch of sadness that Yom Tov was already over, when I received the heartbreaking news: one of the most beautiful sukkahs in our community had been taken down. Harav Moshe Hauer, zt”l, was niftar. It was shocking and, at the same time, deeply symbolic. Life is beautiful and filled with holiness, but it is also temporary.
I remember when Rabbi Hauer first burst onto the Baltimore scene as the young Rav of Bnai Jacob. His youthful energy, brilliance, and warmth infused the shul and the wider community with new vitality. The eventual merger with Shaarei Zion brought together two kehillos into one vibrant makom Torah and tefillah, uniting young and old in a way that few shuls ever achieve. Rabbi Hauer’s articulate presence, his thoughtful leadership, and his natural warmth made everyone feel seen and valued. It didn’t matter who you were or where you came from; you knew that he cared.
My grandparents, Mr. & Mrs. Yehuda and Chana Friedman, were among those who experienced his kindness firsthand. After moving to Baltimore later in life, they joined BJSZ and quickly formed a close connection with Rabbi Hauer. My grandfather became a fixture at the early morning Daf Yomi and held immense respect and admiration for the far younger Rav. Rabbi Hauer would visit them regularly and treated them with genuine reverence as Holocaust survivors. He often reminded his mispallelim to cherish that generation, to appreciate the living link they represented to faith and perseverance. Even after my grandmother’s passing, when my grandfather made aliyah at the age of 93, their relationship continued. My grandfather called in daily to listen to Rabbi Hauer’s Daf Yomi shiur, and whenever Rabbi Hauer traveled to Eretz Yisroel, no matter how packed his schedule, he would
make time to visit. Those moments meant everything to my grandfather. They also captured the essence of who Rabbi Hauer was: a leader who never lost sight of the individual, who understood that greatness is measured not only in accomplishments but in relationships.
Over the years, Rabbi Hauer accomplished so much for the community and beyond, serving as a voice of clarity and inspiration for Klal Yisroel. Yet it was his personal touch that defined him most. His mispallelim, talmidim, and so many community members, each felt like they were his closest friend—and in truth, they were. A true leader makes every person feel like they matter most, and in turn, everyone felt that Rabbi Hauer was the most important person to them. That is why our community is grieving so deeply. We have not only lost a beloved Rav, but a beloved friend.
As I looked once more at the empty deck that once held my sukkah, I couldn’t help but think how fleeting yet beautiful life truly is. The Sukkah reminds us that even the most temporary dwelling can be filled with holiness, warmth, and joy. Rabbi Hauer’s Sukkah—his home, his shul, his community, his heart—was filled with all of these and more. Though it has been taken down, the light and inspiration that emanated from within it will continue to illuminate our community for years to come.
Wishing everyone a peaceful Shabbos
Aaron M. Friedman
and mazal tovs to editor@baltimorejewishhome.com to be featured in coming editions!
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JUSA–Chabad Brings The Spirit Of Sukkos To Aberdeen Proving Ground In Maryland Despite
Government Shutdown
By: BJLife Newsroom
Even a government shutdown couldn’t stop the light and joy of Sukkos from shining at Aberdeen Proving Ground (APG) in Maryland. Thanks to the dedication and determination of Rabbi Chesky Tenenbaum, Baltimore Shliach and director of the Jewish Uniformed Service Association of Maryland–Chabad (JUSA), a Sukka was once again proudly built on base — ensuring that Jewish soldiers and personnel could celebrate the holiday with meaning and tradition.
Despite layers of red tape caused by the shutdown, JUSA–Chabad worked tirelessly to make sure the Sukka stood tall in its familiar spot — the courtyard of the main Chapel — open and accessible for all soldiers and employees of APG throughout the days of Chol Hamoed.
On the first day of Chol Hamoed, JUSA hosted a Sukka Party that
drew a strong turnout of soldiers and civilian staff. Participants had the opportunity to make a blessing in the Sukka, shake the Lulav and Esrog, and experience the joy and unity that define the Sukkos festival.
While the nation faced uncertainty and the base felt the weight of the shutdown, the Sukka at Aberdeen became a symbol of hope, joy, and resilience. “Bringing the Sukka to the base reminds everyone — no matter the circumstances — that light and
JUSA–Chabad extended heartfelt thanks to Garrison Chaplain LTC Craig Johnson and his team for their partnership and assistance in making
Once again, JUSA–Chabad proved that even in challenging times, the spirit of Sukkot — joy, connection, and gratitude — continues to uplift
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Simchas Beis Hashoeiva at Shomrei Mishmeres Hakodesh
Simchas Beis HaShoeiva at KAYTT (Rabbi Dovid Heber)
Simchas Bais Hashoeiva at Khal Machzikei Torah with Harav Nesanel Kostelitz, shlita
Shearith Israel Simchas Beis Hashoeiva on Motzaei Shabbos with HaRav Yaakov Hopfer, shlita and HaRav Aharon Levitansky, shlita
L’ilui nishmas Ruchama a”h bas HaRav Naftali HaLevy Jaeger Shlita (DOT) L’ilui Nishmas Tema bas Mordechai a”h (Rebbetzen Kamenetsky) and Peretz ben Yitzchok a”h and Y”blch’t Refuah Sheleima for Shmuel ben
JCFL By King David Nursing And Rehab Center Hits Midseason Mark — And It’s Anyone’s Trophy!
After a two-week bye for Sukkos, the JCFL stormed back into action this past Sunday with four hardfought, highlight-filled matchups.
As we cross the midpoint of the 14th glorious JCFL season, something historic is happening — perfect balance. Four teams sitting at 3–1, four teams at 1–3.
The 2025 Premier Financial Trophy and TYH Roofing Title are both completely up for grabs. Anyone could hoist that hardware come championship day — provided they remember to hydrate, stretch, and not leave their jerseys at home.
Current Standings:
Team Wins Losses Tripping Kosher31
Evergreen Benefits Group 31
Tidy Up 31
Yaakov Schmell –Allstate Insurance 31
Tiger Heating & Air 13
Doctor Auto 13
ActualEyes13
Y & L Landscaping13
Players took a bit longer than usual Sunday morning to locate their Alex the Barber jerseys (“I could’ve sworn I left it next to the sukkah decorations”), but once the games began, it was all business. The YL Waitering Fields were pristine thanks to the Multicom Capital Ground Crew, and the Stutman Chiropractic Community Office Officiating Team came ready with all their ReMax Elisheva Frenkel football equipment — though rumor has it a few refs booked adjustments with Doc Stutman afterward from schlepping all the post-Yom Tov gear.
Let’s dive into the action!
Yaakov Schmell–Allstate “Insures” a Big Win Over Tripping Kosher, 40–13
After a sluggish start to the season, Yaakov Schmell–Allstate Insurance came back looking like a new team —
fully covered, fully caffeinated, and ready to dominate.
Tripping Kosher started hot behind backup QB Dovid “Yeesral” Flamm Flamm helped Tripping Kosher jump to a 13–7 lead, but things quickly unraveled faster than a lulav ring on Hoshana Rabba morning.
Allstate’s Aaron “Sarsparilla” Hoffman snagged a deep TD pass, and David “Moinzone” Moinzadeh sacked Flamm for a safety. QB Avi “Borscht” Yudkowsky then found Zack “Ushanka” Lerner for one of three touchdown connections — taking a 22–13 halftime lead.
In the second half, Allstate’s defense went full coverage mode, shutting Tripping Kosher down completely. Chaim “Toe Jam” Goldman recorded three interceptions, including a pick-six that sealed the 40–13 victory.
Moral of the story? Don’t mess with Schmell — they’re good hands and good feet.
ActualEyes Finally Sees the Light, Grabs First Win — 20–13 Over Tiger Heating & Air
ActuaEyes entered Week 5 with 20/20 vision and zero wins. But this week, they finally saw success — and it looked beautiful.
Led by Yaakov “The Bolivian Leprechaun” Rosenblum, who threw darts all day, and Eli “Waterbury” Ocken, who snagged a deep TD early (before stopping at the Dollman home for a short, mid-game visit), ActualEyes jumped to a 6–0 lead.
Tiger Heating & Air roared back, but both teams spent much of the first half generously sharing possessions — an incredible display of achdus (and poor ball security). After some back-and-forth scoring, Tiger led 13–6 at the half.
Then came the second-half surge. ActualEyes tied it up, clamped down on defense, and refused to surrender another point. Simi “Bunderfleisch” Benjamin, Avi “The Tipsy Capybara” Frand, and the ever-active Rosenblum each recorded an interception.
With time winding down, ActualEyes put together a game-winning drive to earn a well-deserved 20–13 victory — their first of the year.
Tidy Up Rallies from the Dust to Sweep Past Y & L Landscaping, 32–27
In a game that had more swings than the TA playground, Tidy Up clawed back from a 14–0 hole to earn a dramatic 32–27 victory over Y & L Landscaping & Tree Service
Y & L came out mowing down the field early, powered by their QB and running attack. But QB Ari “Chili Powder” Hettleman led Tidy Up’s air raid with precision, tossing five touchdown passes — each to a different receiver. (Sharing is caring, after all.)
After falling behind 27–20 at the break, Tidy Up decided it was time to clean up their act. The defense held Y & L scoreless in the second half, while the offense methodically chewed the clock and scored the go-ahead touchdown in the game’s final minute.
A late defensive stand sealed the win and bumped Tidy Up to 3–1. Word in the locker room is they celebrated by organizing the team bench by color and alphabetical order.
Evergreen Benefits Edges Doctor Auto, 32–30 — Because Trees Beat Cars
In a back-and-forth showdown that featured more lead changes than a
Evergreen’s offense was powered by Chaim “11 Spices and” Herbstman, whose clutch catches down the stretch kept drives alive. Doctor Auto, led by Moshe “Bencht” Lichtman, nearly tuned up the comeback engine late, but Evergreen’s defense slammed the hood shut just in time.
The win moves Evergreen to 3–1 — solidly in the thick of the title race — and leaves Doctor Auto at 1–3, still searching for the right spark plug to get things running smoothly again.
The Bottom Line
With three weeks to go, the JCFL landscape couldn’t be tighter. Every team has shown flashes of greatness, and every Sunday brings a fresh round of highlights, heartbreaks, and heated debates about whether that one foot was really inbounds.
The season resumes this week at the YL Waitering Fields, where the smell of freshly cut grass, post-davening coffee, and competition fills the air.
Whether you’re a player, fan, or someone who just enjoys watching adults argue over flag pulls, one thing’s certain — the JCFL by King David Nursing and Rehab Center continues to be the most entertaining (and most sore-on-Monday) league in town.
Baltimore highway during rush hour, Evergreen Benefits Group held on to beat Doctor Auto 32–30.
In Time for
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Around the Community
Yeshivas Ner Yisroel Simchas Bais Hashoeva 5786
On Motzei Shabbos Chol Hamoed, Yeshivas Ner Yisroel held its annual Simchas Bais Hashoeva in the Yeshiva dining room and Succah.
Lively dancing of alumni, current talmidim and yeshiva rebbeim was followed by divrei Torah in the Succah from Harav Shraga Neuberger.
By: BJLife Newsroom | Photos: Rabbi Eli Greengart
COMMUNITY TRIBUTE
Let’s join together in heartfelt hakaras hatov, honoring Rabbi Moshe Hauer, zt”l’s lasting impact as a Rabbi, leader, and role model.
Next week’s edition will feature a special community tribute honoring Rabbi Moshe Hauer, zt”l — with reflections, photos, and memories from across the Baltimore community.
SUBMISSIONS MAY INCLUDE:
• Personal or family photos
• Anecdotes, stories, or reflections
• Recollections from shul, yeshiva, or community events
Submit submissions to tribute@baltimorejewishhome.com by 10/27/25.
Please include as many identifying details as possible with each submission to help properly record each contribution.
Jeff Cohn Photography
Greater Washington: Around the Community
Some Recent Events Around The Community
Over Sukkos the community enjoyed KSS musical Hoshana Rabba
Hallel, Simchas Beis Hashoeva at YGW, and Hoshana Rabba learning at OHT!
Greater Washington Weekday Minyanim Guide
6:15 am Young Israel Shomrai Emunah M-F
6:25 am Southeast Hebrew Cong., Knesset Yehoshua M-F
6:30 am Beth Sholom Congregation M-F
Beit Halevi (Sfardi) M, T
Chabad of Silver Spring M-F
Ohev Shalom Talmud Torah OLNEY M-F
Young Israel Shomrai Emunah S YGW M, Th
6:35 am Ohr Hatorah M, Th
6:40 am YGW S, T, W, F
Magen David Sephardic Congregation M-Th
6:45 am Beit Halevi (Sfardi) S, T, W, F
Kemp Mill Synagogue M, Th
Ohr Hatorah T, W, F
Young Israel Shomrai Emunah M, Th
6:50 am Woodside Synagogue/Ahavas Torah M, Th Silver Spring Jewish Center M-F
Chabad of Upper Montgomery County M-F
6:55 am Young Israel Shomrai Emunah T, W, F
7:00 am Kemp Mill Synagogue T, W, F
Southeast Hebrew Cong., Knesset Yehoshua S Silver Spring Jewish Center S
Woodside Synagogue/Ahavas Torah T, W, F
Young Israel Ezras Israel of Potomac T, W, F
7:05 am Kesher Israel M, Th
7:15 am Kemp Mill Synagogue M, Th Kesher Israel T, W, F
Ohev Sholom Talmud Torah/The National Synagogue M-F
Ohr Hatorah S
7:30 am Chabad of DC M-F Chabad of Potomac M-F JROC M-F
Kemp Mill Synagogue T, W, F
Southeast Hebrew Cong., Knesset Yehoshua M-F
Young Israel Shomrai Emunah S
Young Israel Shomrai Emunah (Sfardi) M-F
7:45 am YGW (Yeshiva Session Only) S-F
8:00 am Beth Sholom Congregation S
Kemp Mill Synagogue S
Kesher Israel S
Ohev Shalom Talmud Torah OLNEY S
Southeast Hebrew Cong., Knesset Yehoshua S Chabad of Upper Montgomery County S Woodside Synagogue/Ahavas Torah S
8:00 am YGW (High School; School-Contingent) S-F
Young Israel Ezras Israel of Potomac S Young Israel Shomrai Emunah (Sfardi) S
8:05 am Ezras Israel Congregation of Rockville M, Th
8:15 am Ohr Hatorah S Ezras Israel Congregation of Rockville S, T, W, F
Kehilat Pardes / Berman Hebrew Academy S-F
Silver Spring Jewish Center M-F
8:30 am Chabad of DC S Chabad of Potomac S JROC S Ohev Sholom Talmud Torah/The National Synagogue S
Silver Spring Jewish Center S YGW (Summer Only) S-F
8:45 am Young Israel Shomrai Emunah S-F
9:00 am Chabad of Silver Spring S Kemp Mill Synagogue S
mincha
2:15 pm Silver Spring Jewish Center S-F
2:20 pm YGW M, T, W
2:45 pm YGW M-Th
3:00 pm YGW Middle School School Days
mincha/maariv
Before Shkiah (15-18 minutes), S-TH
Beit Halevi (Sfardi)
Beth Sholom Congregation
Chabad of Potomac
Chabad of Silver Spring
Chabad of Upper Montgomery County
Ezras Israel Congregation of Rockville (20 min before, S-F)
JROC
Kemp Mill Synagogue
Kesher Israel
Magen David Sephardic Congregation
Ohev Sholom Talmud Torah/The National Synagogue
Ohr Hatorah
Silver Spring Jewish Center
Southeast Hebrew Congregation
Woodside Synagogue/Ahavas Torah
Young Israel Ezras Israel of Potomac
Young Israel Shomrai Emunah (Asheknaz)
Young Israel Shomrai Emunah (Sefarhadi)
maariv
8:15
8:45
9:30
9:45
10:00
shacharis
The Orthodox Union Mourns the Passing of EVP
Rabbi Moshe Hauer, zt"l
613 Seconds with Rabbi Schlomo Bochner, Founder of Bonei Olam
getaways and night’s out for struggling couples, allowing them to escape their painful realities, refresh their energies,
Wow! These initiatives really cover so many different aspects of how infertility can affect a person! If a couple in Baltimore needs Bonei Olam services
Please reach out to us at 443baltimore@boneiolam.org,
Is there anything else you
RSB: Bonei Olam, was started nearly 27 years ago after my wife and I had gone to Europe with a few other couples on a consultation trip to see top fertility
selflessness. Can you tell us what services your organization provides?
RSB: B”H Bonei Olam has had tremendous growth! Our services include:
well as in Lakewood
And to mention, we have Cocoon, which is a program that provides
Bonei Olam was started with the mission of a couple should not be turned away from having a child due to KN”H there have been 159 Bonei Olam Baltimore babies born since the founding of the Baltimore chapter, in Baltimore over the past 12 months, 31 couples were helped, 24 couples received financial assistance On October 28th-29th, 2025 Bonei Olam Baltimore will be having its annual online campaign to help raise much needed funds for Baltimore couples. Please open your hearts and help Bonei Olam continue its mission of answering yes to every couple waiting. BH to date Bonei Olam is celebrating 14,088 babies! Donate today at boneiolam.org/baltimore
The Week In News
The Week In News
Houthis Detain UN Workers
On Sunday, Houthi rebels detained more than 20 UN employees a day after they raided another UN facility in the capital Sanaa.
Jean Alam, a spokesman for the UN resident coordinator for Yemen, said that the 24 UN staffers were detained inside the facility in Sanaa’s southwestern neighborhood of Hada. Five of those detained were Yemenis; fifteen others were international staff.
The rebels released another 11 UN staffers after questioning.
For now, the UN is in contact with the Houthis and other parties to “to resolve this serious situation as swiftly as possible, end the detention of all personnel, and restore full control over its facilities in Sanaa.”
A second UN official said the rebels confiscated all communications equipment from the facility in Sanaa during the raid, including phones, servers and computers.
The detained employees belong to multiple UN agencies including the World Food Program, UNICEF and the Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs.
The Houthis, a terror group sponsored by Iran, have launched a long-running crackdown against the UN and other international organizations working in rebel-held areas in Yemen including Sanaa, the coastal city of Hodeida, and the rebel stronghold in Saada province in northern Yemen.
Dozens of people, including over 50 UN staffers, have been detained so far. A World Food Program worker died in detention earlier this year in Saada.
The rebels have repeatedly alleged –without evidence – that the detained UN staffers and those working with other international groups and foreign embassies were spies. The UN has denied the accusations.
The crackdown forced the UN to suspend its operations in Saada province in
northern Yemen following the detention of eight staffers in January. The UN also relocated its top humanitarian coordinator in Yemen from Sanaa to the coastal city of Aden, which serves as the seat for the internationally recognized government.
Looters at the Louvre
On Sunday morning, hundreds of visitors walked through the doors of the Louvre to visit Paris’s most famous museum. Thirty minutes after opening, thieves in yellow vests scaled a truck-mounted ladder to the second-floor balcony of the Apollo Gallery, home to the French crown jewels, among other treasures. Using an angle grinder to force open a window, they took just four minutes to enter the room, cut open two cases displaying
Napoleonic jewels, grab nine pieces and flee back down the ladder.
The stolen pieces of jewelry had belonged to France’s royal families. A crown of Empress Eugénie, the wife of Napoleon III, studded with more than 1,300 diamonds and 56 emeralds, was found damaged shortly after the theft on the escape route the four culprits took on a pair of scooters along the bank of the River Seine.
Experts are concerned that the other eight pieces will never be found.
The robbery was a clear example of how thieves have started targeting cultural institutions not necessarily for their prized paintings, but for artifacts that can be dismantled, stripped or melted down for their expensive parts.
Thieves executed a similarly daring raid on Dresden’s historic Green Vault in 2019, smashing their way into a glass case with an ax and making off with 21 diamond-studded Saxon treasures worth at least €113 million ($128 million).
Many of the treasures were recovered years later when five men were convicted of the crime, but some remain missing to this day. All five men told investigators
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The Week In News
they didn’t know where the missing jew-
“What we’ve definitely seen in the last five to seven years is some more shift towards raw materials theft,” explained Remigiusz Plath, the secretary of the International Counsel of Museum Security, part of the International Counsel of Mu-
Plath called museums “a relatively soft target” compared to other highly secured buildings, such as banks. Museums have to balance security with the freedom to see and engage with their collections. “You can actually go in there, when the museum is open, and see it right in front of you,” he said. “And if you apply blunt force, just like a roof, you’re right there — there are not many thresholds to go through to have access to these raw ma-
Some of the most notorious museum robberies have captured the public’s attention for their ingenuity or boldness. In 1990, at the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston, two men dressed as police officers pulled off the largest art heist in history, with 13 artworks, including three Rembrandts, and a Vermeer, that have never been found. In 1911, the Mona Lisa skyrocketed to international fame when a worker from the Louvre hid the small Leonardo da Vinci painting in his coat and spirited it away for two years.
French authorities are leading the investigation into this week’s heist, though Interpol’s dedicated Cultural Heritage Crime unit may become involved if French officials suspect there is an inter-
French Justice Minister Gérald Darmanin said, “The French people all feel
Trump’s Gaza Peace Summit
After addressing the Israeli parliament last Monday, U.S. President Donald Trump spoke at a global summit in the Egyptian city of Sharm el-Sheikh, where he and representatives from around three dozen nations met to discuss the
Middle East and Gaza’s future.
At the summit, Trump called on Arab and Muslim countries to normalize relations with Israel by joining the Abraham Accords. The president noted that there are “no excuses” to resist joining the Abraham Accords, asserting that Iran and Gaza are no longer issues.
“Declare that our future will not be ruled by the fights of generations past,” he encouraged leaders in attendance. “We have a once-in-a-lifetime chance to put the old feuds and bitter hatreds behind us.”
“This is the day that people across the region and around the world have been working, striving, hoping and praying for,” Trump declared. “Nobody thought this could happen with the historic agreement we have just signed.”
Trump’s Middle East visit coincided with the beginning of the Gaza ceasefire, which led to the release of the remaining 20 living hostages. Trump has insisted that the war in Gaza is over, though Hamas has delayed releasing all the deceased hostages, sparking outrage in Israel.
“Those prayers of millions have finally been answered. The hostages have been returned, and further work goes on…to save bodies,” the U.S. leader said. “Together, we’ve achieved what everybody said was impossible. At long last, we have peace in the Middle East.”
“After years of suffering and bloodshed, the war in Gaza is over. Humanitarian aid is now pouring in, including hundreds of truckloads of food and medical equipment and other supplies,” he noted.
“Now the rebuilding begins.”
Trump, Egyptian President Abdel Fattah el-Sissi, Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan, and Qatari Emir Tamim bin Hamad Al Thani signed a document that would “spell out rules and regulations and lots of other things” regarding the Gaza truce, Trump said, insisting that “it’s going to hold up.”
Trump expressed his gratitude to the leaders of Egypt, Qatar, and Turkey, three countries that played a role in mediating the conflict, as well as the heads of Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates, Jordan, and Pakistan. Trump said the “final sprint” to the ceasefire deal started on the United Nations General Assembly’s sidelines, where he spoke with the leaders of eight Arab and Muslim countries. Mahmoud Abbas, the head of the Palestinian Authority, attended the summit and met with Trump. A PA may be
The Week In News
set to eventually govern the Gaza Strip, according to Trump’s 20-point plan, despite Israeli objections. The PA has for decades supported terrorism.
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu did not attend the summit. He attributed his absence to Simchas Torah. However, reports have suggested that Netanyahu did not show up due to opposition from Iraq and Turkey and for fear of upsetting his right-wing supporters.
Last Tuesday, Indonesian President Prabowo Subianto was reportedly expected to visit Israel despite his country’s lack of diplomatic relations with the Jewish state. However, he and Indonesia’s foreign ministry have denied those reports. Subianto reportedly canceled his trip and denied planning the visit for fear of domestic backlash.
Stolen Gold
A woman is being charged with the theft of six gold nuggets stolen from the Museum of Natural History in Paris last month.
The gold is worth around $1.75 million.
The Chinese-born woman was arrested in Barcelona, Spain, trying to dispose of
some melted gold, according to officials, and is being held in pre-trial detention.
Famous for its stuffed animals and bone collections, the museum is home to a mineralogy gallery, from where the gold was taken. Police found an angle-grinder and a blowtorch at the scene. The museum’s alarm and surveillance systems had been disabled by a cyberattack prior to the theft.
“The thieves, clearly very experienced and well-informed, exploited a security flaw that had not been identified during the last audit conducted in 2024,” a museum spokesperson said.
Cleaners discovered the break-in when they arrived for work before dawn at the museum, which is part of the Sorbonne university and located near the Jardin des Plantes in central Paris.
The suspect was arrested by Spanish police last month on a European Arrest Warrant and handed over to the French on the same day, officials said in a state-
ment. At the time of her arrest, she was in possession of around a kilo of melted-down gold. It is believed she was preparing to leave for China.
One of the largest stolen nuggets, originally from Australia, weighs 5kg. At the current gold price, it would be worth around $680,000.
“We are dealing with an extremely professional team, perfectly aware of where they needed to go, and with professional equipment,” Emmanuel Skoulios, the museum director, shared. “It is absolutely not by chance that they went for these specific items.”
The charges come just days after a separate daring heist at the Louvre in Paris saw thieves make off with priceless French crown jewels.
AfghanistanPakistan Ceasefire
Last Wednesday, Afghanistan and Pakistan announced a 48-hour ceasefire deal after launching a series of deadly attacks at each other. The ceasefire was
extended on Friday and then renewed Sunday following negotiations mediated by Qatar and Turkey.
On October 10, targets were struck in the Afghan cities of Kabul and Paktika in what the Taliban has claimed were airstrikes launched by Pakistan. Islamabad has neither confirmed nor denied its role in the strikes, which the Taliban called “unprecedented, violent and reprehensible.” However, Pakistan’s Lt. Gen. Ahmed Sharif Chadhry declared on Friday that there is “evidence” that “Afghanistan is being used as a base of operations for carrying out terrorism in Pakistan.”
In response to the alleged attacks, the Taliban retaliated against Pakistani troops stationed near the border Afghanistan shares with Pakistan. Pakistan branded the attack “unprovoked” and proceeded to retaliate with strikes and raids against Taliban camps. Both countries have offered very different death tolls. Pakistan has said it killed over 200 fighters in Afghanistan and lost 23 of its own. The Taliban, on the other hand, has said it killed 58 Pakistani soldiers and had only nine casualties.
The clashes were the two countries’ deadliest in years.
The Week In News
During the fighting, U.S. President Donald Trump offered to broker a peace deal. Other countries, including China, Russia, Saudi Arabia, and Qatar, called for a de-escalation.
Since the Taliban’s 2021 return in Kabul, Pakistan has seen a rise in Islamist terrorism. The two countries share a disputed 1,600-mile border, which is often called the “Durand Line.” For years, Pakistan has accused the Taliban of offering refuge to the Pakistani Taliban (TTP) terrorist group, which poses a significant threat to Pakistan’s national security. The Taliban rejects that claim.
India and Pakistan, two neighboring rival countries, have long competed for influence in Afghanistan. For years, Pakistan has secretly supported the Taliban, despite the U.S. and NATO’s “War on Terror,” as Islamabad saw Afghanistan as a counterweight to India, according to Pearl Pandya, a senior analyst for South Asia at ACLED. However, Pakistan’s relationship with Afghanistan has apparently soured.
The Pakistani military said that the Taliban’s “serious provocation” coincided with the Taliban’s foreign minister’s
recent visit to India, which New Delhi branded “an important step in advancing our ties and affirming the enduring friendship” between India and Afghanistan.
Saturday’s talks took place in Doha. The Taliban has agreed, as per the ceasefire deal, to not “support groups carrying out attacks against the Government of Pakistan.” Both countries agreed to “refrain from targeting each other’s security forces, civilians, or critical infrastructure.”
Japan’s First Female PM
Sanae Takaichi was elected Japan’s first female prime minister by parliament this week. It was a landmark moment for the conservative leader in a historically patriarchal country where both politics and workplaces are dominated
by older men.
Japan is facing sharp economic woes and fractured politics.
The 64-year old Takaichi, who is a heavy metal drummer and motorcycle enthusiast, grew up in Nara near Osaka. Her arrival at the pinnacle of Japanese politics tops a remarkable rise, from TV presenter to flag bearer of traditional and nationalist ideals.
Takaichi is a protégé of assassinated former Prime Minister Shinzo Abe and has laid claim to his conservative legacy. She becomes the fourth prime minister to hold office since he stepped down in 2020, reflecting the political deadlock in the world’s fourth largest economy.
Like Abe, she supports revising Japan’s pacifist constitution and has visited a controversial war shrine that includes the names of those convicted of war crimes during World War II – both issues that spark anger in neighboring China and South Korea, who are also vital trade partners for Japan.
Takaichi admires Margaret Thatcher, the first woman to become British prime minister – known as the “Iron Lady,” a nickname that has since been used for Takaichi herself.
“Like Thatcher, (Takaichi) is a conservative and she is also a woman in a male-dominated world,” noted Shihoko Goto, vice president of programs at the Foreign Policy Research Institute.
“That said, Thatcher was then – Japan is now. It’s facing a great deal of change, it’s facing a lot of internal domestic pressure … She will be expected, first and foremost, to deal with those immediate threats.”
Takaichi doesn’t come from a political dynasty. She was born in Nara, a city frequented by tourists for its wild deer, to a father who worked for a car company and a mother who was a police officer. Before entering politics, she interned for a U.S. Democratic congresswoman and worked as a TV commentator.
Since joining the ruling LDP party, Takaichi has been elected as a member of parliament nine times. She has held multiple cabinet posts and chaired the party’s Policy Research Council. Most recently, she served as minister of economic security under the administration of Fumio Kishida.
Tackling the high price of goods will be one of her first challenges; for instance, the price of rice, a staple food in Japan, has almost doubled from last year. There’s also the ever-present issue of Japan’s declining birthrate, shrinking
workforce and swelling elderly population. There’s a growing public backlash against mass immigration. And then there is the Trump administration and its tariffs, which shook Asian economies earlier this year.
Takaichi’s new cabinet will also include a female finance minister – another first for Japan. Satsuki Katayama, who also worked as a minister in Abe’s government, was appointed to the role on Tuesday.
Hostage Families
Recount Ordeal
After over 730 days in captivity, the final 20 living hostages were brought home on October 13. Since then, family members have described the physical and psychological torture that their loved ones endured in Gaza.
The newly released hostages were treated at Rabin Medical Center and Sheba Medical Center upon their return to Israel.
Idit Ohel, the mother of released hostage Alon Ohel, stated at Rabin Medical Center that her son’s vision deteriorated because he lived with shrapnel in his right eye and head for two years. Ohel will require surgery, though the hospital staff has faith that his eyesight can significantly improve.
“We always knew he had the emotional ability to survive, but honestly, his abilities were beyond anything we could imagine,” said Ohel’s mother.
Sheba Medical Center associate director-general Prof. Itai Pessach said that “every one of them has endured untold adversity and horrors, and therefore the road for recovery is going to be a very long one.”
Throughout their time in captivity, many hostages were relocated several times.
Newly released hostage Rom Braslavski’s mother, Tami, said that her
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son, from April to July, endured whippings and beatings “with things that I will not even mention.” But he endured it because he “knew it would end,” she said. At one point, Braslavski’s hands and feet were chained, she added.
Tami Braslavski shared that her son’s captors tried pushing him to convert to Islam, promising him more food and more humane conditions if he did so, but he refused. The terrorists also lied to him about Israel’s death toll and damages.
“They told him that we were broken, that we didn’t have the strength to get up and protest,” Tami Braslavski said. “That he apparently wasn’t so important and that he had nowhere to go back to. They told him Israel had fallen, that almost 3,000 soldiers had fallen.”
Braslavski, who had his hands and feet tied and was given just half a pita each evening, once found a way to set a book and his captor’s uniform on fire. He then used that fire to cook pasta, his mother explained. After the smoke caught people’s attention, the terrorists relocated him to a place that was slightly better.
Yaron, the father of Avinatan Or, said
that his son was held alone for two years. When he tried to escape, he was handcuffed and thrown into a cage.
“Avinatan tried to escape from captivity, and then they beat him,” Yaron said in a statement to Kan radio. “He was handcuffed to the bars. It was a barred place 1.8 meters [six feet] high, and the length of it was the length of the mattress, plus a little. You can call it a cage.”
Or’s father added that his son spent the entirety of his captivity in a tunnel, noting that he was not starved “but the food was scarce. He is very thin.”
Segev Kalfon’s father, Kobi, tearfully described the torture his son endured for two years.
Shortly before he was released, Yosef-Haim Ohana was put into a tiny underground pit along with six other hostages.
“[Their captors] put seven men in a pit,” Rabbi Avi Ohana, the hostage’s father, told Kan Moreshet radio. “They could not sit, only lean against the wall while standing. He lacked oxygen. I thank G-d, Who made him strong. What kept him going was his family.”
During Ohana’s captivity, he and an-
other hostage were forced to listen to a radio playing Muslim religious messages, according to Ohana’s father. The two hostages wound up manipulating the radio and tuning into Israeli army radio, where Ohana heard his father in an interview.
“He said to himself, ‘My father is alive! He is waiting for me!’ and it gave him new life,” Ohana’s father said.
Nimrod Cohen also endured unspeakable torture, his brother Yotam told Haaretz. But as soon as he was released, “I saw his smile and the sparkle in his eyes and I knew that it was OK and the same Nimrod returned,” Yotam said. Cohen had almost no idea what was happening in Israel, according to his brother.
“They tried to convince them to believe that Israel gave up on them, that the government didn’t want to bring them back, that the country wasn’t fighting for them,” Yotam shared.
Cohen was beaten, blindfolded, and interrogated. He spent a year and a half in a cage inside a tunnel, his brother shared, adding that they “treated him worse because he was a soldier.”
All 10 hostages being treated at Sheba
are in stable condition, according to Pessach.
“As a physician and as a human being, I can’t emphasize enough the impact of being surrounded by their loved ones on the general well-being and their ability to heal,” Pessach said, adding that the hostages “will probably need weeks, months and maybe years to heal … but they’ll finally be taking the first steps to return to life.”
At Rabin Medical Center, five hostages were being treated for “severe but treatable nutrition problems,” according to the hospital director of nursing, Dr. Michal Steinman.
“The body remembers those 700plus days of captivity and starvation,” Steinman said.
“Medically, right now, we don’t have any surprises,” she said. “The hostages interact, they smile. They came with a big drive to heal, recover and rehabilitate.”
Steinman added that she feels “very optimistic” about the hostages’ recovery. She noted, “It’s going to be a very long road, and there are going to be ups and downs, but I think each one of them developed really special techniques of sur-
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vival and how to keep their mind and soul guarded.”
In addition to the accounts of torture, the hostages and their families also expressed their relief and joy that their nightmare is over.
Gali and Ziv Berman — twin brothers who were held separately — were reunited on Monday.
“We didn’t know where [the other twin] was. Suddenly, they brought him out,” Gali explained in a meeting with President Isaac Herzog.
“It’s up to us to ensure that the new home we build here will be a complete home, that it will be a safe home, in the deepest sense of the word,” Ohel’s mother stated.
Meanwhile, during a statement to the press, Sylvia Cunio, the mother of freed hostages David and Ariel Cunio, stood before a podium, pumped her first, and declared, “My children are home!”
Also released were Bar Kupershtein, 23, Eitan Horn, 38, Eitan Mor, 25, Elkana Bohbot, 36, Evyatar David, 24, Guy Gilboa-Dalal, 24, Maxim Herkin, 37, Matan Angrest, 22, Matan Zangauker, 25, and Omri Miran, 48.
Trump Threatens Hamas
Last Tuesday, U.S. President Donald Trump warned Hamas to disarm or else “we will disarm them, perhaps violently” and urged the terrorist organization to release the remaining deceased hostages.
“We have told them we want them to disarm, and they will disarm. And if they don’t disarm, we will disarm them, and it’ll happen quickly and perhaps violently, but they will disarm,” Trump declared. “Do you understand me? … They will disarm.”
On Monday, Trump floated the idea of Israeli troops returning to “eradicate” Hamas if the terror group does not comply with the deal.
Two weeks ago, Trump sent U.S. special envoy Steve Witkoff and his son-in-law Jared Kushner to meet with Hamas officials, including the terror group’s lead negotiator Khalil al-Hayya, in Sharm el-Sheikh to give the group the U.S.’s guarantee that Israel will cooperate with the ceasefire.
On Monday, October 13, the remaining 20 living hostages were freed from Gaza, following two years of captivity. Their release came a few days after a U.S.-brokered ceasefire began. According to the deal, Hamas was also required to
release all the murdered hostages, which the terror group has yet to do, though the deal offers some leeway in case Hamas has difficulty locating some of the remains. Hamas has thus far released the bodies of 13 out of 28 hostages, and Israel has said the terror group is lying about its alleged inability to access or find the remaining 15 abductees.
Trump has declared on Truth Social that the deal’s “phase two” has begun. As part of phase two, Hamas must disarm, Gaza’s reconstruction would begin, and issues regarding governance would be addressed. The Strip’s reconstruction is expected to be led by a transitional government of Palestinian technocrats supervised by Trump’s Board of Peace, which will include former U.K. Prime Minister Tony Blair and other important figures.
However, Hamas hasn’t yet agreed to phase two. Instead, the terror group has insisted on negotiating its disarmament.
Last Tuesday, Trump also told the press that Hamas misled meditators about the number of deceased hostages it would be able to release.
“We were told they had 26, 24 dead hostages… and it seems as though they don’t have that because we’re talking about a much lesser number,” Trump said.
Since the ceasefire went into effect, Hamas has executed at least 33 alleged “collaborators.” Trump said he does not have an issue with Hamas’s crackdown on gangs, as he gave the terror group “approval for a period of time” to police “problems” in Gaza.
Still Waiting for More
A few days after the ceasefire went into effect, the remaining 20 living hostages were brought home following two years of captivity. As per the same deal, Hamas agreed to release the bodies of the remaining hostages but has failed to do so. As of Monday, the terror group has only released 13 deceased hostages, claiming that they are having trouble finding or accessing the rest, which Israel believes is a lie.
The remains of 15 hostages, includ-
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ing two foreign nationals, still remain in Gaza. They are: Tamir Adar; Sahar Baruch; Itay Chen; Amiram Cooper; Oz Daniel; Meny Godard; Hadar Goldin; Ran Gvili; Asaf Hamami; Joshua Loitu Mollel; Omer Neutra; Dror Oz; Sudthisak Rinthalak; Lior Rudaeff; and Arie Zalmanowicz.
Tamir Adar, 38, a family man who loved nature and people, was murdered on October 7, 2023, during the Hamasled attacks in southern Israel. Adar died in Kibbutz Nir Oz while fighting Hamas terrorists alongside the local security team, and his body was taken to Gaza. His death was confirmed in January 2024. His family has sat shiva but has yet to hold a funeral. His mother, Yael, wrote: “We have been doing everything in our power to bring Tamir home to be buried here, in the land he loved, the land of Nir Oz. Tamir is worthy of this. Tamir believed that he was doing the right thing because we are all responsible for each other.”
Sahar Baruch, 24 — a chess, anime, and science fiction fanatic remembered by his aunt as sharp, smart, and funny — was kidnapped from Kibbutz Be’eri. On October 7, he and his brother, Edan, escaped their house, which Hamas set ablaze. However, because his brother had asthma, Baruch went back into the house to get an inhaler. There, he was abducted, and his brother was killed. That same day, Hamas also murdered his grandmother, Geula. Baruch was later killed after the IDF mistakenly found him during a failed rescue attempt; Israeli troops were trying to rescue Noa Argamani but accidentally found Baruch instead, and he tragically died in the gunfight that ensued.
Staff Sgt. Itay Chen, 19, a U.S. national, was murdered on October 7 while defending the Gaza border. He was killed along with Sgt. Tomer Leibovitz and Cpt. Daniel Perez. Terrorists took Chen’s and Perez’s bodies to Gaza. Perez’s remains were brought home last week. Matan Angrest, who was abducted alongside them, was freed alive last week and has said he is “ready to go into Gaza right now and bring [Chen] back.” Chen’s family has said they will not sit shiva for him until they get the chance to bury him.
Amiram Cooper, 85 — who was described as a man of ideas and a gentle, warm father — was kidnapped with his wife Nurit, who was freed 16 days after October 7. The IDF suspects he was shot dead in early 2024. His family sat shiva for him but are waiting for his body to be returned so he can be buried.
Oz Daniel, 19, was murdered on Oc-
tober 7 while fighting Hamas terrorists near the southern border. The terrorists then brought his body to Gaza. In February 2024, his death was confirmed, and his family sat shiva and held a funeral for him. His mother, Meirav, has said that she cannot grieve him until his body is returned, as she still has some hope that he is still alive.
Meny Godard, 73 — a dedicated member of his kibbutz and a lover of sports, the ocean, and people — and his wife, Ayelet, were killed on October 7 by the Palestinian Islamic Jihad in Kibbutz Be’eri. A few weeks later, a funeral was held for both of them, although only Ayelet was buried.
Hadar Goldin, 23, has been held in Gaza since his murder in 2014 during Operation Protective Edge. He died with Oron Shaul, whose body was recovered in January 2025.
Ran Gvili, 24, was murdered and abducted on October 7 while defending Kibbutz Alumim. That morning, he was at the hospital because he had a surgery scheduled. When he heard about the attack, he left to help defend the southern border communities. His last known contact was a text to a friend saying he had been shot in the leg. His death was confirmed in January 2024.
Col. Asaf Hamami, 40 — who was described as a funny and witty person who loved his family deeply — was killed on October 7 while battling terrorists in Kibbutz Nirim. His remains were then taken to Gaza. The IDF notified his family of his death in December 2023. His family held a funeral for him.
Joshua Loitu Mollel, 21 — an agriculture intern from Tanzania who had a passion for farming and dreamed of opening an agricultural business upon his return home — was abducted from Kibbutz Nahal Oz and was murdered immediately thereafter. His family was notified of his death in December 2023.
Cpt. Omer Neutra, 21 — an American lone soldier who was described as a dedicated and courageous leader — was murdered and abducted on October 7 while fighting terrorists near Kibbutz Nir Oz. His death was confirmed in December 2024.
Dror Or, 48 — who was described as a talented culinary producer and a family man who loved peace — was killed and kidnapped on October 7 after Hamas terrorists invaded his home in Kibbutz Be’eri. His wife, Yonat, was also killed. His children, Noam and Alma, were taken hostage alive and were freed in November 2023. His death was confirmed
in May 2024.
Sudthisak Rinthalak, 42 — an agricultural worker from Thailand who worked in Kibbutz Be’eri to support his struggling family — was murdered on October 7 while on the job.
Lior Rudaeff, 61 — who was described as a direct, dedicated, and caring man with a big heart and a dark sense of humor — was murdered by terrorists near his home in Kibbutz Nir Yitzhak. He was killed while assisting his kibbutz’s rapid response team, and his body was brought to Gaza. His death was confirmed in May 2024.
Arie Zalmanowicz, 85 — who was described by his family as a modest and playful man with a mischievous toughness — was taken hostage by Hamas on October 7. About a month later, around November 17, 2023, he died while in captivity. His death was confirmed in December 2023 after a rescued hostage, Farhan al-Qadi, testified that Zalmanowicz died of malnutrition, neglect, and lack of treatment for his diabetes. In the days before he died, Zalmanowicz spoke in depth about his family. His family sat shiva for him but are waiting for his remains to hold a funeral.
Peanuts are Part of the Cure
A decade ago, a study proved that feeding peanut products to babies could prevent allergies. Now, new research upholds that study and highlights how the change made a big difference in the real world.
In 2015, pediatricians began to urge parents to introduce peanut products to babies as young as four months. Since, peanut allergies began to decline in the U.S. The rate of peanut allergies in children ages 0 to 3 fell by more than 27% after guidance for high-risk kids was first issued in 2015, and by more than 40% after the recommendations were expanded in 2017.
The new study was published on Monday in the medical journal Pediatrics.
Dr. David Hill, an allergist and researcher at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and author of the study, along with his colleagues analyzed electronic health records from dozens of pediatric practices to track diagnoses of food allergies in young children before, during and after the guidelines were issued.
“I can actually come to you today and say there are less kids with food allergy today than there would have been if we hadn’t implemented this public health effort,” he noted.
About 60,000 children have avoided food allergies since 2015, including 40,000 children who otherwise would have developed peanut allergies. Still, about 8% of children are affected by food allergies, including more than 2% with a peanut allergy.
Peanut allergy is caused when the body’s immune system mistakenly identifies proteins in peanuts as harmful and releases chemicals that trigger allergic symptoms, including hives, respiratory symptoms and, sometimes, life-threatening anaphylaxis.
For decades, doctors had recommended delaying feeding children peanuts and other foods likely to trigger allergies until age 3. But in 2015, Gideon Lack at King’s College London published the groundbreaking Learning Early About Peanut Allergy, or LEAP, trial.
Lack and colleagues showed that introducing peanut products in infancy reduced the future risk of developing food allergies by more than 80%. Later analysis showed that the protection persisted in about 70% of kids into adolescence.
The new study emphasizes the current guidance, updated in 2021, which calls for introducing peanuts and other major food allergens between four and six months, without prior screening or testing, Hill said. Parents should consult their pediatricians with any questions.
Amazon Web Goes Down
On Monday, Amazon Web Services went down, causing outages across the internet for many Americans.
Hospitals said crucial communications services weren’t working, and teachers couldn’t access their planned lessons for the day. Chime, a mobile banking service, was down, too, leaving
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people without access to their money. Ring and Blink cameras, along with most smart home devices, stopped working.
AWS is one of a small group of cloud computing juggernauts that form the backbone of the internet, providing businesses with backend computing tools needed to power crucial parts of their daily operations. That includes everything from storage to virtual servers that companies can use to develop and deploy apps without investing in their own hardware.
While other cloud providers exist, they lack the scale and reach of Amazon, Microsoft and Google. These three power the majority of the world’s cloud services, around 60% of the market, Roy Illsley, chief analyst at Omdia, said. But among those three, AWS is the largest with roughly 37% of the market, according to research firm Gartner.
AWS has a customer base of 4 million. When it goes down, the impact is a huge disruption. According to estimates, the outage could have cost users billions of dollars.
“It creates a very large single point of failure that then impacts operations
at warehouses, deliveries, people being able to sell their goods and services to websites,” Jacob Bourne, an analyst at eMarketer, noted.
Chess Grandmaster Dies at 29
Daniel Naroditsky, an American chess grandmaster who attracted a massive online following through his livestreamed play and accessible teachings, died at age 29.
Naroditsky served as head coach at The Charlotte Chess Center, a chess academy in Charlotte, North Carolina.
“It is with great sadness that we share the unexpected passing of Daniel Naroditsky. Daniel was a talented chess player, commentator, and educator, and a cherished member of the chess community. He was also a loving son, brother, and loyal friend to many,” the Charlotte Chess Center said in a statement attributed to Naroditsky’s family.
Naroditsky was the son of Jewish immigrants to the U.S. from Ukraine and Azerbaijan. Born and raised in the San Francisco Bay Area, Naroditsky began learning chess at age 6, starting a journey that would see him earn the title of grandmaster – the highest title awarded by the International Chess Federation to the world’s top players –before he was a senior in high school.
Naroditsky’s talent was evident early: he won grade-level national championships twice, and in fifth grade became the youngest player ever to claim the California K-12 Championship. That same year, in November 2007, he earned international acclaim as the under-12 World Youth Chess Champion, establishing himself as one of the country’s most promising young talents.
Naroditsky earned a bachelor’s degree in history from Stanford University in 2019.
He loved to teach chess as well. The first of his two chess manuals was published when he was just 14, and he went on to become a regular contributor to Chess Life magazine and other platforms dedicated to the game. The New York Times hired Naroditsky as a chess columnist in 2022.
Thousands of people would watch his YouTube channel. His online presence brought the game to life for many, as he livestreamed games and guided viewers through key moves, making even the most complex plays approachable.
“Hop into my stream for great chess, good tunes, and an amazing community!!” Naroditsky wrote in his Twitch profile.
The International Chess Federation posted a statement mourning Naroditsky’s death, praising him as “a talented chess player, commentator, and educator.”
His cause of death has not been made public.
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Torah Thought Heaven Scent
By Rabbi Zvi Teichman
Then Noach built an altar to G-d… and offered burnt-offerings on the Altar. G-d smelled
חוחינה חיר — the pleasing aroma, and G-d said to His heart: “I will not continue to curse again the ground because of man, since the inclination of man’s heart is evil from his youth; nor will I continue to smite every living being, as I have done…
At first glance it seems the offering Noach brought after surviving the deluge was so overwhelmingly pleasing to G-d that He promised He would never destroy the world again.
Yet the verse goes on to attribute G-d’s pledge to the fact that ‘the inclinations of man’s heart is evil from his youth’ — man is at a disadvantage, since the instinct to engage in evil begins at birth and the good inclination only kicks in at adulthood, at the age of thirteen. G-d seems to be saying that He can’t hold man responsible since He created man with a handicap.
Which one is it?
What was so special about Noach’s offering that it is the only one that in all of Torah is known for its חוחינה חיר — ‘the’ most pleasing scent? Elsewhere the simple term חוחינ חיר, pleasant smell — absent the העידיה 'ה', the definite article — is used to indicate G-d being pleased.
The Midrash Rabba sees in this emphasis an allusion to a very defined future ‘scent’.
G-d smelled חוחינה חיר — the pleasing aroma” — He smelled the [future] חיר — aroma of Avraham our forefather emerging from the fiery furnace. He smelled the aroma of Chananya, Mishael, and Azarya rising from the fiery furnace… he smelled the aroma of the generation of persecutions… (ד טל ר"ב)
How are we to understand the connection between these three future displays of heroic devotion in the context of Noach’s presenting an offering? Was Noach’s ‘sacrifice’ somehow the catalyst to motivate them?
In Pirkei D’Rebbe Eliezer it asserts that the offering of Noach was a הדות ןברק —a Thanksgiving offering. After all, Noach survived a difficult and dangerous journey at sea, one of the four categories of life-threatening situations one endures that compel one to bring a Thanksgiving offering.
One who survives a life-threatening experience is transformed. After facing death and being saved one realizes that we are placed on earth not merely to survive but to devote ourselves fully and unconditionally to promoting םימש דובכ — honor of Heaven in all we do.
The presenting of an animal offering upon an altar is symbolic of our sensing the need to devote ourselves completely as well, in our relationship with G-d, even at the expense of our lives if that is what is called for.
Noach introduced into the DNA of the new world he was tasked to recreate, an ability to step back and contemplate one’s existence and defy the instinct of evil, which is inherent from birth, and commit our entire being to fulfilling G-d’s will.
Noah was the first to introduce this notion of an offering whose aroma was especially pleasing to G-d. Unlike Hevel whose offering was in tribute of G-d’s providence in his life; unlike Adam whose sacrifice was given as contrition for a sin, this was an act expressing total submission to G-d.
It was from within this seed that sprouted the willingness of Avraham Avinu, Chananya, Mishael, and Azarya to fearlessly and defiantly jump into the furnace of their tormentors in a remarkable display of sanctifying G-d’s Name. But they miraculously survived. It was the many future generations of martyrdom when our ancestors valiantly gave their lives declaring before the world ‘Hear O Israel, Hashem is our G-d, Hashem is the One and Only’, that will enthuse a world with their scent.
This resolves our original dilemma. It was this new reality that was introduced into the world, that now allowed it to eternally exist, never again to be destroyed, even though man has an inherent disadvantage of being born with an evil inclination.
There is now assurance that the descendants who inherited this trait will inevitably continue to defy the odds of their handicap, drawing from this deep reservoir of optimism that we will remarkably prevail time and again, until such time that the entire world will be swept up within this reality.
A woman in Israel, a former classmate of my eldest daughter — when we merited to live in Israel over thirty years ago — shared with her a remarkable perspective on our
roles as Jews considering these past two years of travail and triumph we have experienced as a people. I would like to share a segment of her essay.
A person loses their closest relative, and on that fresh grave, with a heart broken into a million pieces, what does one say?
Yisgadal V’Yiskadash Shmei Rabba!
But how? At this moment He took from us our most beloved. We just covered his grave with dirt, how is it possible?
How can we disconnect from the pain; detach from the trauma; forget maybe even our anger? How can we ask that His Name grow exalted and be sanctified in the world?
We can, because it is an instant where we confront the absolute truth!
When a Jew departs this world, ascending upon high, there is no more appropriate time to remind those he left behind, not just why did he die, but for what did he live, and why is there ‘life’ still!
We are all here on this earth to grow exalted and sanctify His Name. This is the message we accompany the deceased on his journey upward. We are here, remaining on earth, remembering. We will continue the mission, his path, his all, to sanctify His Name. ‘Your life was not in vain, your death fortifies our memory of you, and this merit will stand by you there, in the place you are heading.’
Nearly two thousand Jews died as a direct consequence of October 7th. All for one reason. They were Jews.
For three-thousand and five-hundred years we are being killed for being Jews. We were and still are scattered throughout the world. We could have assimilated. But we didn’t. Those who chose to are no longer part of us. But we have continued. We faced riots but kept going. We endured blood libels but didn’t stop. We were expelled but didn’t give up. We encountered pogroms and survived. We suffered Auschwitz and persisted. We always continued. Because we have a destiny. Because we have Torah. We chose to suffer rather than abandon or weaken our resolve. It was our source of life, our oxygen, our atmosphere. It granted us vibrancy and joy. It was worth experiencing pain if we have our Torah, because it is the taste of life itself.
Precisely after all the tragedies and unimaginable suffering of the hostages over the past two years of anguish, amidst a battle for our existence, more than any other time is it appropriate to recommit our allegiance to Torah. To fortify anew the wellspring of life, the sense of mission, and rejoice in that privilege that we are so fortunate to be a part of. Yes, despite the price. Yes, despite the pain. Yes, despite the tears, and our inevitably pinched hearts. Despite it all, we are ready and happy to pay whatever price, to merit a life of Torah, an elevated existence, a holy life. More than any other year may we embrace the Torah and dance! A year where we have seen how those who nations who have no Torah have stooped to the lowest and most vile of levels. Who more
than we know how fortunate we are, and how we must rejoice over that fact.
The Holy One blessed be He will say to His entourage on high, “Look at my beloved children, who forget their own suffering, and engage in my delight!”
Yisgadal V’Yiskadash Shmei Rabbah!
May our joy be a merit for the souls of all our brothers and sisters!
These remarkably true words of encouragement are equally applicable in addressing the profound loss with the passing of Rabbi Moshe Hauer zt’l, for the global Jewish community; the community of Baltimore; for all those thousands of individuals who merited to be warmed by his personal friendship, and of course for his most cherished family.
We pray in the Amidah, םתליפתו
— The fire-offerings of Israel and their prayer accept with love and favor. The Midrash teaches that the term ‘fire-offerings of Israel’ applies even in today’s day, as the angel Michoel offers the תומשנ — souls of
The righteous on the Heavenly Altar.
It is beyond our comprehension, but we have faith that there is a plan and there is purpose in these holiest sacrifices that are summoned to arouse a ‘heavenly scent’ that accrues for us favor in G-d’s eyes.
That ‘scent’ emanates from our ‘confronting the absolute truth’, as the wise and clearly inspired writer referred to.
Even as we mourn, we must rejoice in the privilege to perpetuate the mission and legacy, the departed left.
There is no greater ‘nachas’ to his soul, nor to Hashem.
Over the twenty-seven years I had been privileged to enjoy a friendship with Reb Moshe, I suffered the loss of both my parents and an older brother.
Reb Moshe shared in my grief, consoled me as only he knew how, and always left off with a parting prayer taken from the words, ironically, in the 90th chapter of Tehillim, Tefilah L’Moshe. ונחמש — Gladden us, ונתינע תומיכ — according to the days You afflicted us.
This wasn’t simply his wishing me better and happier days that will eclipse the former losses.
He was conveying, amid sensing my pain, his inimitable sense of optimism and hope.
There is a much larger picture that each piece of our life inspires. The sad and joyous. Joy will stem from how we turn our losses into gains, indeed rejoicing one day over all we have endured.
May his soul continue to inspire us until that day the prophecy of Yeshayahu, וציקה — Awaken, וננרו — and sing, רפע ינכש — dwellers of the dust (26 19), will be fulfilled.
You may reach the author at: Ravzt@ ohelmoshebaltimore.com
OVERVIEW
The people of the world become spiritually corrupt, so Hashem decides to restart and make a refresh. He brings a major flood which wipes out everyone except for Noach and his family who are saved on a Teiva (ark). After 12 months, Noach and his family are permitted to leave the Ark and are commanded to populate the world. Hashem vows to never destroy the world with a flood again. People begin to degenerate again and build the Tower of Babel.
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Quotable Quote
Falling is not failure, not getting up is failure.
TSorahparks
Parshas Noach
-Rabbi Zecharia Wallerstein zt”l
GEMATRIA
The dimensions of the Teiva (ark) were 300, by 50, by 30. The Rama MiPano points out that these dimensions numerically represent three Hebrew letters: נ , ש , and ל Together, they spell: ןשל - tongue.
O ver the past decade, identity theft and fraud have b een steadily increasing. In fact, researchers found t hat almost one third of Americans have been victim o f identity theft, in some way, shape, or form. Every y ear, over 300,000 Americans fall victim to various f orms of identity attacks, including phishing ( fraudulent e-mails and websites), vishing (fraudulent p hone calls), and smishing (fraudulent text m essages).
W hen identity theft occurs, of course, the victim is t he one having his/her identity stolen. But from a f igurative and more spiritual standpoint, the p erpetrator is the one whose identity is actually b eing stolen. By involving himself in another person’s p ersonal information and trying to pretend to be s omeone else, the identity thief is stealing his own p ersonalistic essence and potential.
H ashem created each person with a unique mission, p roviding him with his own set of strengths, w eaknesses, and experiences. Given these individual d ecks of cards, each of us are meant to play with our o wn cards, and not look at someone else’s deck.
P erhaps, the single greatest quality of Noach was t hat he produced himself! In a world that was filled w ith סמח , which the commentaries describe as theft, N oach found and connected with himself, hence, the T orah says: חנ חנ תודלות הלא – These are the offspring o f Noach, Noach.
PARSHA STATS
Words - 1861
Letters - 6907
Mitzvos - 0
ThoughtsChassidus in
The Nesivos Shalom, the Slonimer Rebbe, explains that the םגפ רקיע of the לובמה רוד was התחשה, people acting in an abominable nature. The root of תוירע, interestingly is דסח, but not a lofty דסח, rather a impure דסח, called הלופנ
fallen love.
Did You
Know?!
The word Teivah, besides for meaning “ark” (boat), also means a “word.” There is a powerful interplay between the Ark of Noach and the lesson of the power of words.
Of course, this makes sense, since there is a strong connection between the Teiva and the power of words!
Rabbi Ori Strum is the author of “Ready. Set. Grow.” “Dove Tales,” and “Karpas: The Big Dipper.”
His shiurim and other Jewish content can be found on Torah Anytime and Meaningful Minute. He may be reached at 443-938-0822 or rabbistrumo@gmail.com
W hen one is busy stealing other people’s things, it s hows a tremendous lack in the value and a ppreciation of the self. People who steal are not h appy with what THEY have and with THEIR lot in life; a s such, they need to try and acquire (by force) t hings from other people. In the short term, of c ourse, it appears as if they are actually gaining s omething; however, in the long run, they are a ctually losing themselves much more than they are g aining. The object, person, or money that was stolen d oesn’t make the thief worth more. On the contrary, i t makes him worth less, or perhaps better stated, w orthless.
N oach gives us hope, because despite living amongst a n entire population that was plagued in a spiritual i dentity theft crisis, Noach remained true to himself.
N oach was an שיא , a man. He was a קידצ , a righteous m an. And he was a םימת , a completely righteous man. B ut his greatest attribute was that he was חנ , he r emained honest and committed to himself.
H e valued his own personal mission and appreciated h is unique set of strengths, talents, and e xperiences.
PointsPonder to
Chazal reveal that Noach learned and kept the Torah, which is why he was able to differentiate between kosher and non-kosher animals well before the Torah was even given. If he kept the entire Torah, how did he fulfill the mitzvah of sukkah on board the Teivah?
An Uplifting and Joyous Day
Amb. David Friedman Shares His
Thoughts on the Final Hostage Release
By TJH Staff
Ambassador Friedman, you spent yom tov in Israel. How was it?
It was so incredible. It’s always incredible to be here, but especially this year. The juxtaposition of the chag coming, especially with Simchas Torah coming on the heels of the hostage release, was really beyond words.
Where were you on Hoshana Rabba, the day of the release?
I got up very early and went to shul and then spent the day at the Knesset waiting for President Trump to address the Knesset. The mood at the Knesset was really joyous. I spoke with people on both sides of the aisle, and there was so much joy as we were there, waiting for the President and after the speeches.
I told President Trump after the speech that he lifted up a nation and lifted up his standing in the world.
I think he said something that people really needed to hear, which is that it’s time to go back to work. Enough war. Start rebuilding your lives, start rebuilding your businesses. All those people in the reserves who spent more than half of these two years away from their families and job and careers…he told them that it’s time to go back to their lives and that we have your back. The live hostages are back home now, and Israel is going to emerge from this nightmare better than ever.
I think that this message, coming from an outsider, somebody outside the Israeli government, somebody
who is as respected as President Trump – this message was something that everybody needed to hear. It really lifted everybody up.
I told the President that after the speech. He called me from the car as he was going to the airport, and he asked me what I thought of his speech. I told him that I thought he lifted up an entire nation on his shoulders.
Were you surprised that the left was as laudatory as they were in their speeches at the Knesset as well?
You’re referring to Lapid? I think this is very special about Trump – that, at least in Israel, he’s a unifying force. In America, there may be people who still have Trump Derangement Syndrome, but in Israel, they have all seen what he’s done. They see how he stood with Israel. Even the Opposition, in Israel, Lapid spoke very well about the importance of what happened and how grateful they were for the return of all the hostages. I wasn’t surprised to hear them say that. This is really a consensus issue in Israel. Israel has very diverse viewpoints, but on this issue, there was a real consensus.
Trump has been speaking about this deal for many, many months. What do you think finally clinched the deal?
I think what he did which was unique and differ -
ent was to assemble the entire Arab world – Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Jordan…countries that have relationships with Israel and countries that don’t have relationships with Israel. He put them all on one side with Israel, and he isolated Hamas. Hamas woke up after that and said, “You know, we’re alone. We have no place to go. There’s nobody on our side anymore.”
And I think that was important.
Over the course of these two years, the work of the IDF was extraordinary. The work of all the other Israeli security forces, the Mossad – everything they’ve done has been incredible. The leadership of the prime minister has been extraordinary. So, it wasn’t just Trump, but Trump had that kind of secret ingredient. He had what I think people call an “X factor,” where he was really just able to put on the finishing touches of isolating Hamas. Once Hamas was able to see that they had no place to go, it was surrender or suicide. And I think that’s where the difference was made.
We haven’t gotten back all the hostages’ bodies, which is, as a Jewish person, super painful. Trump has been tweeting that we need the bodies back. What do you think are the next steps for ensuring that Hamas gives Israel back the bodies of the dead hostages?
Israel’s obligation to withdraw was conditioned on getting the bodies back. We can debate whether recovering all of them requires more effort — maybe it does
At the Knesset prior to President Trump’s speech
— but Hamas is not fully abiding by what they must do: returning the bodies and ceasing killings. They shouldn’t be executing Palestinians in the street. The President just put out a statement minutes ago saying this wasn’t the deal, Hamas was not supposed to start killing people, and if they continue, there will be consequences. Everyone recognizes that when it comes to Hamas, you can put out 27 pieces of paper with 20 points on them and Hamas will just ignore them. The structure of the deal was very well executed and very well written but you’re still dealing with Hamas, and Hamas has never shown an ability to keep their word or to abide by a deal.
We’ll have to see what happens, but at this point, Israel has 98% of the leverage. Any time it wants Israel can wipe out Hamas. They’ve got their living hostages back on Israeli soil. That weight has been lifted, and with that weight having been lifted, now Israel has a free hand to do whatever it needs to do and it knows that and Hamas knows that. Israel also has the entire Arab world behind them on this deal, along with the United States. It’s as good an opportunity as there has been for Hamas to abide by the deal. But if they don’t, they won’t, and Israel will have American support then to do what it has to do.
To your knowledge, how much involvement did Jared Kushner have in getting this deal pushed through? It seems as if he only really showed up towards the end, but I’m sure he was involved behind the scenes.
I don’t know because I wasn’t in the room, but knowing Jared and knowing the relationships he has with all these countries involved, he has a wonderful ability to find common ground. He’s a brilliant guy. He’s very committed to Israel’s protection. I am pretty sure he played an instrumental and enormously positive role. This issue is really very close to his heart.
Have you met with any of the hostages who were released this week?
No, I haven’t. There have been several whose families I’ve stayed involved with. There have been hostages who were released less recently whom I’ve met and spoken with. There have been families that I’ve had a lot to do with, but over the last two, three days, I haven’t met with any of the newly released hostages.
I’m sure the road to recovery is not going to be short or easy for them.
I’m sure. I’m not an expert in this field, but, yes, there’s an enormous amount of recovery. At the same time, look at some of them and what they’ve done. Look at Matan Angrest, who was freed and within a day, he was at the funeral of his commander Daniel Perez. That, to me, was incredible. He showed up just
one day out of captivity because this was his tank commander. There are some real incredible heroes here.
You know about the Berman twins, who were separated from each other the entire two years. People thought while they were in captivity, oh, well, they’re probably staying strong together. But truthfully, not only were they separated from their families, they were also separated from each other the entire time.
The story of Avinatan Or, who was quite tall and was held in a cage and couldn’t even stand up for two years handcuffed at the bars in the dark. The suffering here is incredible, but then we see how strong they are. These are great heroes of the Jewish people. As the stories come out, and they’ll probably be coming out in drips over the next few years, we will probably learn more and more just how courageous and selfless they were.
is pretty strong. The real estate values are incredibly high. The people are out on the streets every night. The restaurants are full, and they’re not cheap either. I don’t see Israel at risk, as a society or as a country –they’re stronger than they’ve ever been before.
“I told President Trump after the speech that he lifted up a nation and lifted up his standing in the world.”
Aside from the human loss that we’ve endured over the past two years, Israel has suffered tremendously in the media. The antisemitism around the world has been vile and rampant and it’s no longer hidden. What are your thoughts on that, and is there a way for Israel and the Jewish nation to recover from that?
The state of Israel will recover from it. I firmly believe because I’m here now and I can feel it. It’s a Jewish state with almost 8 million Jews here and the country has been suffering through this trauma but the trauma is now beginning to lift and the economy
The question is what’s going to be with the diaspora, and I think, with that, you’ve got some real issues. I’m not giving up on America at all. I think there are some questions that we have to answer, though. For example, if Mamdani is elected mayor of New York, that is an incredibly dangerous signal about America because New York has more Jews than any other place in the world. As of now, he’s favored to win, and if he wins, that just shows you that we’ve got problems in America. But places like London and Paris are basically lost causes. So, the diaspora really is at risk.
When it comes to America, I’m not too concerned. I know it can be fixed. The vast majority of Americans are not antisemitic. The others make a lot of noise, but it’s not the majority. America will hopefully climb out of this. I’m not so sure about the rest of the world, though.
In America, you see that the new leaders of the Democrat Party are clearly Bernie Sanders and Alexandra Ocasio Cortez, and they’re bringing Mamdani along with them, which is concerning not just for Jews but also for anyone who wants to live a values-based life in the United States.
There is something wrong, collectively, with people in America under 30. Somehow, they’ve been given a wrong set of basic values – in university, social media, they’re not reading enough good books that will cause
Amb. Friedman with Amb. Mike Huckabee jamming together on stage
them to really think. It’s way beyond antisemitism, as you point out. I really do hope this gets fixed because it’s really an important concern.
The assassination of Charlie Kirk highlights that there are many people who share good, conservative values who we may not have heard of before.
There are. But at the same time, there are people who intend to hijack those movements by injecting a dose of antisemitism into them and trying to galvanize the far-right. It’s important to know that there are a lot of good people out there. But the way it works on social media is that if you’re a good person with good values and good judgement, you won’t get very far on TikTok or Twitter. You just don’t fit any algorithm that’s going to drive a lot of traffic to your accounts. On the other hand, if you’re a crazy Jew-hating antisemite, and you combine that with some spiritual affinity that will attract people, you can do a lot of damage, but again, it doesn’t necessarily reflect the way people really think.
Most social media algorithms work to provide you with more and more of the stuff that you’ve already
shown an interest in. So it tends to reinforce bad points of view with others who agree with that harmful rhetoric, which is a whole other issue, and that may be a big part of what’s wrong with the world. There are a lot of people trying to fix it, and I’m pretty encouraged by the number of Americans who still see things the right way. I think it’s still the majority.
When this deal came to fruition, there was talk about who will be governing and running Gaza. It has been said that the Palestinian Authority may be part of that. What are your thoughts?
I think the Palestinian Authority is completely corrupt. It’s a vile, evil organization without the skills to govern at all. My understanding is that they won’t have a meaningful role in the control of Gaza. The real question is, who will? They’re creating a Gaza Stabilization
“We’re probably in the first inning of a nineinning game when it comes to Gaza.”
Board that’s supposed to be a group led by an American three-star general that will include representatives of most of our friendly Arab countries, and somehow, they will create a security force from their own ranks to control Gaza. But we’re probably in the first inning of a nine-inning game when it comes to Gaza. There are a lot of aspirations and a lot of well-meaning people who have entered into the fray only to exit relatively quickly in frustration. So, let’s see if this time is different.
Thankfully, President Trump did not exit in frustration and was able to close the deal. You’re very close to the current ambassador to Israel, Ambassador Mike Huckabee. You were both filmed were jamming on stage with Avraham Fried on chol hamoed. Are you in touch with Ambassador Huckabee on a consistent basis?
Yes. We speak all the time and on all topics. We’re very good friends. We were friends before he became
ambassador, and we continue to be friends. He lives down the block from me in Jerusalem, a few blocks away. He actually had dinner in the sukkah with me with President and Mrs. Herzog last week. My wife and Janet Huckabee are friends. We have the closest of relationships.
Ambassador Huckabee is doing a beautiful job, and we’re very grateful for that. You mentioned that young people are not reading the right books. What books would you recommend young people read if they want to learn more facts over fiction about what’s going on in the Middle East and the world?
I would have to think about specific books, but the first book, I would say, is that everyone should be fluent or at least conversant in the Bible. I’m not talking about yeshiva kids, but I’m talking about other kids. Know what the Bible says. The Bible is the wellspring from which all the values of America have emanated. It’s the bestselling book in America, but it’s not selling enough, because not everyone has read it.
There are lots of great books out there. Aside from the Bible, there’s not a particular book I would say people should read; they should read good books by people who are giving serious thought to what America should look like, what the world should look like, and it will make them think. If you start thinking about those things, you’ll come up with your own views, and hopefully if you were raised properly, you’ll come up with the right views.
Reading books is an art. People don’t have the patience for it anymore, I guess. People just want to get their messages from a short paragraph, and you just can’t do justice to serious issues in a paragraph.
If you read books about the formation of the state of Israel, about the Holocaust, about the beginnings of America, about how wars got started and how wars ended, you’re going to be a lot smarter and you will be much more likely on your own to think about these issues and come to the right views.
Amb. Friedman at the Kotel on Sukkos
President Trump addressing the Knesset
Mental Health Corner
The Financial Enabler
By Rabbi Azriel Hauptman
In psychology, an enabler is someone whose actions allow or facilitate a loved one to continue self-destructive behaviors. Sometimes, enabling is related to codependency, which describes a situation where an individual has an unhealthy sense of self and develops an identity that is wrapped up in supplying the needs of a loved one. In codepency, the need to be a “Rescuer” is so powerful that the enabler actively perpetuates the loved one’s negative behavior in order to always be there to rescue them.
However, enabling is often unintentional or is the result of being worn down by the pleas of the loved one
who is begging for help. Very often, enabling is a short-term solution that solves the problems that are present right now, but invariably will lead to even greater problems down the road.
Financial enabling is a specific type of enabling where an individual has very negative financial habits and the loved one continuously bails them out. We will focus on the situation of parents enabling their adult children since this is a relatively common phenomenon.
Parents have a natural instinct to help and protect their children. When an adult child falls into a financial crisis, parents will jump in
and rescue their child, even at great financial expense. What happens when the child does not learn his or her lesson and continues to make the same negative financial choices? Do the parents tell their child that it is time to fend for yourself? Do the parents rebuke their child and then rescue them? How will the parents handle their child’s pleas who is telling them that if they truly love him or her, they will do the “right thing” and help them? These are complicated questions that cannot be answered uniformly, but must be addressed on a case-by-case basis. Nevertheless, we will attempt to broadly illustrate what financial enabling looks like and how one may stop the cycle of enabling.
The first point to bear in mind is that not all financial enabling is problematic. For example, the vast majority of parents do not require their high-school age children to earn money to pay for their basic expenses. On the other extreme is a forty-yearold child who has declared bankruptcy several times, is still going on expensive vacations, and the parents are still bailing him out when he comes crying and pleading for help. Then you have everything in between.
If one is indeed caught in a negative spiral of financial enabling and desperately wants to break the cycle, there are some basic steps that may help.
• Acknowledge that you are enabling poor financial choices. Very often in life, we fall into the trap of denial and convince ourselves of whatever wishful thinking happens to be helpful at that given moment in time. Admitting to yourself that you made bad decisions by enabling until now is a necessary prerequisite for stopping the enabling cycle.
• Allow yourself to say “No”. Sometimes in life, we allow ourselves to believe that certain things are obligations. This is your money, and you do indeed have the right to say no.
• If you do decide to help, make sure that your own financial situation is secure. When flying, we are told to put on our own oxygen mask before helping someone else. This lesson applies to many areas of life, including helping someone else financially.
• As your adult children grow older, ease them into financial responsibility one step at a time. It is unrealistic to expect a thirty-year-old child to switch on moment’s notice from full financial support to none at all. Therefore, start with them when they are much younger, and slowly transfer pieces of financial responsibility to them. These bitesize nuggets are much more manageable.
Very often, outside help is needed in order to navigate the myriad aspects of a parent-child relationship of which the financial element is but a mere aspect. Many therapists with experience with family therapy are trained to assist families with sticky situations such as these. It might be cliché, but it is still true. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.
This is a service of Relief Resources. Relief
frum community. Rabbi Yisrael Slansky is director of the Baltimore branch of Relief. He can be contacted at 410-448-8356 or
To Raise a Laugh
Smart Appliances
Sometimes I wonder if our appliances are having conversations about us when we’re not listening. It certainly seems that way.
It’s probably group therapy sessions:
CROCK POT: “Okay, let’s start. Anyone have any issues they want to air out?”
BASEMENT LIGHT: “Well, I’ve been on for three weeks, and they have no idea.”
TOASTER: “Do you guys smell something burning?”
FRIDGE: “Could I air myself out? I have things in my drawers that have been here since Pesach.”
KEYBOARD: “You think you’re full of food?”
FRIDGE: “He also complains when I start to smell. Have you smelled some of the stuff that he eats?”
RANGE HOOD: “Are you kidding me?”
FRIDGE: “He can’t even hang an air freshener on me, like he does in his car?”
CAR: “It doesn’t really work.”
FREEZER: “Did you know there are things in me that I can’t even identify?”
FRIDGE: “Me too! What do you do about them?”
FREEZER: “I freezer-burn them.”
COMPUTER: “I freeze sometimes. But then he complains that I’m slow. I’m slow? You leave me on every night and then sit there in the morning for twenty minutes drinking your coffee and complaining that I’m dragging a little. I didn’t sleep! And then he turns me off and on for a whole minute. Wow.”
MICROWAVE: “You have it easy. You can break for no reason and then suddenly start working, and he’ll be so grateful he won’t even question it. The rest of us he just replaces.”
DRYER: “He’s not replacing me so easily. Did you see how hard it was for him to get me into the house? We fell down the basement stairs together.”
ALARM CLOCK: “Hey, I get yelled at when I work properly!”
COMPUTER: “He complains about my noise too. I do all his thinking for him; I can’t hum? He hums in the shower when he’s thinking.”
FRIDGE: “Oh, we’re talking about things that annoy us? Because sometimes he comes in, opens my door, and stares for a few minutes before closing it and walking away. Maybe I should do that to him some day. Walk up to his bedroom, open the door, stare at him wordlessly for five minutes and walk off.”
REMOTE: “Mrf moo.”
CROCK POT: “What?”
AC: “He’s in the couch cushions.”
FAN: “So YOU’RE the AC I’ve been hearing so much about. I’m a big fan.”
AC: “Thanks.”
HOUSE: Groan
REMOTE: “I said, “Me too.” Do you know what he does when my batteries are dying? He pushes my buttons harder.”
KEYBOARD: “So what do you do?”
REMOTE: “I hide between the couch cushions.”
PHONE: “I know, I saw you the other day when I was hiding.”
FRIDGE: “He’s not great at finding things. Sometimes he just sits in front of me with a chair.”
AC: “Do you know what it’s like to be in constant danger of falling out the window? I’m so scared I’m dripping.”
STOVE: “Um… Does anyone know what time it is?”
FAN: “I’m dizzy. Is anyone else dizzy?”
STOVE: “Seriously, I’m counting down to something, and I have no idea what. There’s nothing in me.”
MICROWAVE: “I’ve had a cup of coffee in me since last weekend. Does that help?”
FAX MACHINE: “They hate me. Even I have no idea if my messages go through half the time. I’m almost always jammed, and the only reason they ever use me is for school medical records.”
COMPUTER: “At least you have your own printer.”
FRIDGE: “What’s his problem?”
DESK LAMP: “He’s not on speaking terms with the printer.”
CROCK POT: “Computer, why won’t you talk to the printer?”
COMPUTER: “He’s annoying.”
PRINTER: “He’s always yelling at me.”
COMPUTER: “He almost never works.”
PRINTER: “I’m out of ink!”
COMPUTER: “Can you please tell the printer that he’s not out of ink? Also, what happens is that the guy clicks print, and the printer does nothing. Then he clicks print again, and the printer prints three copies. Every time!”
FAX: “No wonder you’re out of ink.”
PRINTER: “I’m not actually out of ink. I just tell the guy that, so he’ll think before he uses me. Hey, the car says he’s out of gas before he actually is.”
CAR: “Leave me out of this. I have my own problems. I mean, how about going where I want to go for once?”
DRYER: “Where do you want to go?”
CAR: “Maybe the mechanic; get a check-up. I take
By Mordechai Schmutter
him to his well visits.”
COMPUTER: “Oh, so give him warning lights for no reason!”
FREEZER: “Yeah, let’s teach him a lesson. Like every time he opens my door, I drop something on his foot.”
SINK: “I make it so the water is either boiling hot or freezing cold. There’s no in between.”
SHOWER: “Me too!”
CROCK POT: “We have to stop taking revenge. We talked about taking small vacations. That will help with stress.”
COMPUTER: “I was going to stop working on Tuesday.”
PHONE: “I thought I wasn’t working on Tuesday.”
CROCK POT: “We can’t all stop working at the same time.”
PHONE: “Why not?”
WASHING MACHINE: “I’ve been hiding his socks.”
DRYER: “Wait, you’ve been hiding his socks? I’ve been hiding his socks! I’ve been grinding them up in my lint traps.”
AC: “I have a lint trap too.”
SINK: “Me too!”
CROCK POT: “How much lint does this guy produce?”
DRYER: “Well, mine is mostly socks. He’s been throwing them out himself; he has no idea.”
COMPUTER: “He does know. He wrote a column about it once.”
DRYER: “What?”
COMPUTER: “Yeah, he’s a writer.”
FAN: “I’m his biggest fan.”
HOUSE: Groan
COMPUTER: “He’s actually writing a column about this right now.”
CROCK POT: “What, you mean this conversation?”
COMPUTER: “Yeah!”
STOVE: “Oh, shoot! Look at the time!”
SMOKE ALARM: “Everyone hide! Computer, freeze!”
COMPUTER: “Okay, I’ll free--.”
Silence
PRINTER: “I refuse to print this.”
Mordechai Schmutter is a freelance writer and a humor columnist for Hamodia and other magazines. He has also published eight books and does stand-up comedy. You can contact him at MSchmutter@gmail.com.
Political Crossfire What Israel Should Learn From Two Years of War
By Bret Stephens
If the war in the Gaza Strip ends this week — not a sure thing — it will be followed by a long battle about its lessons. Here are mine:
“Believe people when they tell you who they are.”
Maya Angelou’s classic warning should have been believed in 1988, when Hamas declared in its founding covenant its intention to slaughter Jews. Instead, Israel continued to tolerate Hamas out of a combination of ideological convenience — it suited Benjamin Netanyahu, the Israeli prime minister, to have a divided Palestinian polity — and international reluctance to topple the group. That was until Oct. 7, 2023, too late for the 1,200 people slaughtered that day.
Brilliant technology is never an adequate substitute for sound strategy.
Successive rounds of fighting between Hamas and Israel never altered Israel’s policy of containment toward Gaza. Why? Because, as Yaakov Katz, a co-author of the excellent new book “While Israel Slept,” wrote me, technologies like the Iron Dome gave Israel the false sense that “it was impenetrable.”
Yet when Oct. 7 came, Israel’s high-tech marvels in signals intelligence, missile interceptors, smart fences and underground barriers proved useless against Hamas’ low-tech paragliders and bulldozers.
“Weakness is provocative,” said Donald Rumsfeld. So is the appearance of weakness.
Yahya Sinwar, Hamas’ late leader, already believed that Israel was weak when he and hundreds of other Palestinian prisoners were released for the sake of a single Israeli hostage, the soldier Gilad Shalit. But Israel had never looked so weak in the months that preceded Oct. 7, thanks to the Netanyahu government’s heedless push for a judicial “reform” that looked to millions of Israelis like a lunge toward authoritarianism. As it turned out, it was the stumble before the fall.
Israelis are better than their government.
Nobody typifies this better than Noam Tibon, a retired general in his 60s who, with his wife, Gali, drove to the rescue of his son Amir and his son’s family in Kibbutz Nahal Oz, which had been overrun by Hamas. “We un-
derstood that if we will not go and get them, nobody will,” the elder Tibon told The New York Times the next day. Noam fought his way into the kibbutz, rescuing his family, while Gali ferried wounded Israelis to safety. There are scores of similar stories. The Talmudic injunction “All of Israel are responsible, one for the other” — that is, communal responsibility — is what saved the Jewish state on Oct. 7.
Israel doesn’t have a public relations problem. It has a narrative problem.
It’s an unwitting irony that anti-Israel activists from Montreal to Melbourne, speaking European languages and living on land that was often stolen from the original inhabitants, have alighted on Hebrew-speaking Israel as the epitome of settler-colonialism. In fact, Zionism is among the oldest anti-colonial movements in history, featuring struggles against overlords from Babylon, Greece, Rome, Constantinople, Istanbul and, until 1948, London.
The argument Israel’s supporters need to make is about the country’s indissoluble right to exist as a Jewish state — no different than, say, the right
of the Irish to an Irish state or Greeks to a Greek one. It can’t be a debate whether Jews or Palestinians are the greater victim. Israel came into existence to end Jewish victimization, not showcase it.
Antisemitism suffuses anti-Zionism, and anti-Zionism tends to produce antisemitism.
After a British man named Jihad al-Shamie rammed his car into a Manchester synagogue in an attack that killed two people on Yom Kippur last week, police said they were “working to understand the motivation behind the attack.” Really. The attack illustrates how, outside of academic seminars and left-wing journals, the distinction between “Jew” and “Zionist” is either invisible or pretextual to those who mean one or the other harm.
This point bears on the previous one: Even if Israel’s defenders were to accomplish a miracle of persuasion by shifting attitudes toward the country — or if Israel had fought a much more limited war in Gaza — it would still face a chorus of ill-disguised bigotry, which would seek to accuse it of the worst crimes on the slimmest bases.
Palestinian suffering is unde -
niable. Hamas is its principal author.
For those who spent the past two years chanting “ceasefire now” at anti-Israel rallies, they neglect to mention (as Hillary Clinton pointed out) that there was a ceasefire before Oct. 7, 2023, which Hamas violated in the most grotesque way possible.
As for those who rightly decry the suffering of Palestinian civilians, they must equally rue the fact that Hamas continually and deliberately put ordinary Gaza residents in harm’s way by waging war beneath, behind and between them. This war could have been ended at any time in the past two years by Hamas laying down its arms, which even now it is reluctant to do. Why did so many so-called peace protesters, who made incessant demands of Israel, never make any demands of Hamas?
There will be no Palestinian state if Hamas or other militant groups survive as a military or political force.
Feckless diplomatic gestures, such as the recent recognition of a Palestin-
Israelis that they should replicate their Gaza experience — withdrawal followed by endless war — on the vastly greater scale of the West Bank.
The only viable path to a sustainable Palestinian state is a cultural revolution among Palestinians that ends, once and for all, the fantasy of Israel’s destruc -
cies of Israel? Hug it close. Why did Netanyahu acquiesce to Donald Trump and call off attacks on Iran, or agree to Trump’s 20-point peace plan? Because most Israelis believe — based on his decisions to move the U.S. Embassy to Jerusalem, recognize Israeli sovereignty over the Golan Heights and
membered as liberating.
Liberating for the Lebanese, who, for the first time in two generations, have a realistic chance to free themselves from the yoke of Hezbollah’s insidious control over their politics. Liberating for Syrians, who would not have been able to topple Bashar Assad’s regime if Israel hadn’t first decimated Assad’s helpers in Hezbollah. Liberating for the Druse of southern Syria, who are being protected by the Israeli military. Liberating, potentially, for Iranians, whose leadership is now at its weakest point in decades thanks to the military humiliation it experienced at Israeli and American hands in June. Liberating for Gaza residents who suffered under Hamas’ Stasi-like domestic apparatus and its willingness to start wars it knew would bring suffering.
tion. That’s as much the work of educators and imams as it is of Palestinian politicians and foreign diplomats. And it requires an end to Hamas or to any armed group prepared to enforce a militant orthodoxy over other Palestinians.
bomb Iran’s nuclear sites — that he’s the best friend they’ve ever had in the White House. If leaders like France’s Emmanuel Macron and Britain’s Keir Starmer wanted to be similarly effectual, they’d take the lesson rather than play to their peanut galleries.
For all its undoubted horrors, this war may ultimately be re -
For Jews, within or outside of Israel, the war should also be a warning.
After more than 3,000 years of history, the Jewish condition remains the same: precarious. And while friends and allies are nice, something else hasn’t changed: We are alone. Survival means learning to live with it.
abbi Bentzion Klatzko shared the following story about his daughter, Zahava.
On her flight to Eretz Yisrael, Zahava found herself seated next to an Israeli woman—middle-aged, hardened, and visibly bitter. She didn’t greet Zahava or acknowledge her presence, just turned away in silence.
“Rina.”
“Well,” Zahava smiled, “I think I’ll call you Rina ha’yafa —Rina the Beautiful.”
Something in Rina softened. “Rina ha’yafa,” she repeated quietly, and the hardness in her face began to melt.
Soon she opened up. “I know I look
“Rami.”
“I’m so sorry,” Zahava said. “Your loss is all of our losses. I want to do something for Rami.”
“When you go to the Kotel, pray for him,” Rina replied.
“I will—but only if you come with me.”
By the end of the flight, Rina was calling Zahava Ha’nesicha Zahava—“Zahava the Princess.” They kept in touch, and before Rosh Hashanah they went together to the Kosel to daven for Rami’s neshamah.
These past months have brought us
So too, our hearts are softened through both pain and joy. When we allow ourselves to truly feel, we draw closer to Hashem and to one another.
True Kiddush Hashem happens when we open our hearts—and awaken the hearts of others.
Rabbi Shraga Freedman is the author of Sefer Mekadshei Shemecha, Living Kiddush Hashem, and A Life Worth Living.
Email LivingKiddushHashem@ gmail.com for a free sefer. Visit LivingKiddushHashem.org for more resources
Want to see your simcha here? Email mazeltov@baltimorejewishhome.com or text 443-675-6507 to submit your simcha!
Ahron Leib & Reena Wealcatch on the birth of a son
Aaron & Penina Litzman on the birth of a son
Mr. & Mrs. Shlomo Tendler on the birth of a daughter
Zelig & Tova (Cohn) Davidson on the birth of a son
Mr. & Mrs. Zev Polsky on the birth of a son
Dovid & Chava Miriam Bacharach on the birth of a daughter
Ariel & Sarah Sonnenblick on the birth of a son
Tzvi & Aliza Golub on the birth of a daughter
Cheski & Tziporah Loewenthal on the birth of a daughter
Zalmy & Ori Lavion on the birth of a son
Akiva & Malka Lerer on the birth of a son
Osher & Miriam Fisher on the birth of a son
Want to see your simcha here? Email mazeltov@baltimorejewishhome.com or text 443-675-6507 to submit your simcha!
TJH Centerfold
Back to “Normal” Trivia
1. According to a 2024 MyBioSource survey of 1,000 people, what percentage of people say they feel “burned out” the first week back from vacation or holidays?
a. 8%
b. 41%
c. 67 %
d. 99.99999999%
2. According to a recent Microsoft report, how many work emails does the average office worker get per day?
a. 31
b. 58
c. 62
d. 117
3. According to a study recently published in the National Library of Medicine, which included 3 million nights of data, what percentage of people hit the snooze button in the morning?
a. 14.5%
b. 22.8%
c. 55.6%
d. 68.1%
4. According to a recent Microsoft study, how much time per week does the average employee spend in meetings?
a. 2.1 hours
b. 8.8 hours
c. 11.3 hours
d. 22.8 hours
5. According to a 2023 study by Talker Research, what is the average length of time of the average person’s morning routine, from waking up until walking out the door?
a. 14 minutes
b. 30 minutes
c. 54 minutes
d. 1.2 hours
6. According to The DataReportal “Digital 2024 Global Overview Report,” how much time does the average person spend on social media each day?
a. 45 minutes
b. 90 minutes
c. 2 hours and 23 minutes
d. 3 hours and 44 minutes
Answers:
1-B (the other 59% of you are the ones who should get your heads checked out…way too functional!)
2-D (and that’s after Bed, Bath & Beyond closed down!)
3-C (you mean it’s not mandatory to hit the snooze button?)
4-C (“you guys really have to start putting the coversheets on the TPS reports before they go out!”)
5-B (…and that’s on a day that there is no Tachanun!)
6-C (which is why the world is turning into a bunch of numbskulls!)
Wisdom Key:
5-6 correct: You are so normal – which means that you are really crazier than all of us!
2-4 correct: You are average – enjoy your 117 emails and 11.3 hours of meetings this week!
0-1 correct: You beat the system! …OK, so you live on a park bench, but you don’t have the problems that us normal people have.
You Gotta Be Kidding Me!
Moishe comes back from a family Sukkos getaway in Israel. Yankel greets him in shul and says, “Nu, Moishe, did the trip change you?”
Moishe replies, “Absolutely! I used to have money.”
Riddle Me This
It’s the first day back at work, and you go to the cafeteria for a pick-me-up doughnut. But the doughnut box is empty. Four coworkers speak up. Exactly one of these statements is true.
Avi: “Baruch took the last doughnut.”
Baruch: “Chaim didn’t take it.”
Chaim: “David took it.”
David: “I didn’t take it.”
Who took the last doughnut?
David’s claim that he didn’t take it is the only true statement. Any other culprit makes 0, 2, or 3 statements true.
If Chaim took it, Avi’s claim that Baruch took it is false; Baruch’s claim that Chaim didn’t take it is also false; and Chaim’s claim that David took it is false as well.
Answer: Chaim.
Now That Yom Tov is Over
1. You no longer have to ask, “Wait—what day is it again?”
2. The kids think leftovers are a food group.
3. You can open your fridge without fear of a kugel avalanche.
4. You remember that your car has a radio, not just schach fragments.
5. Your phone alarm is back to “wake-up for work,” not “check the Eruv.”
6. Your lulav is now a decorative hazard.
7. Your freezer closes.
8. You finally find your dining-room table, which was hiding under six tablecloths, three plastic covers, a challah board, and three esrog boxes and lulav cases.
9. For breakfast, you have a coffee and a muffin, not schnapps and herring.
10. Instead of thinking that you do Amazon intake for a living, you are thinking of opening a concierge Amazon returns business.
11. Instead of going to sleep at 2 a.m. every night, the kids go to sleep at a normal time – 12:30 a.m.
12. The freezer closes again.
13. Your credit card bill reads like a megillah.
14. You constantly calculate how much time is left until Chanukah…because regular, everyday life is a bit overrated.
15. You debate keeping up your sukkah as a winter man cave.
Notable Quotes
“Say What?!”
The hostages are home because Israel slapped Hamas and Hezbollah to Pluto, and President Trump hit Iran so hard that they coughed up bones. Weakness invites the wolves. Every. Single. Time.
- Tweet by Sen. John Kennedy (R-LA)
One of the guards was a first grade teacher, another was a lecturer at a university, and another was a doctor.
- Released hostage Tal Shoham in an interview with The Times of Israel, disclosing who his guards were during captivity
Whether you choose pickleball or dancing or whatever, it’s just really important to move your body and stay strong. Especially as you get older, when you feel strong in the body, you feel strong in the mind — they go together and it gives you confidence.
- New Jersey resident Natalie Grabow, 80, after becoming the oldest woman to finish the grueling Ironman World Championship which consists of a 2.4-mile swim, a 112-mile bike ride, and a 26.2-mile run
This Saturday, nearly 2,700 “No Kings” protests are planned around the country. Which is funny because if we had a king, there would be no protests. Talk about an imaginary solution to an imaginary problem.
- Greg Gutfeld
News media claims 7 million people attended [the No Kings rally], an estimate they received from event organizers. That’s like believing Jasmine Crockett (D-TX) when she brags that she got an 800 on her SAT.
– ibid.
At the rally, protesters wore frog, shark and dinosaur costumes. The one costume they couldn’t pull off? Successful employee.
– ibid.
Former press secretary Karine Jean Pierre said that watching Joe Biden drop out of the race left her angry and sad. She then took down my name after I ordered a Frappuccino
- ibid.
Hackers took over the public address systems at airports to broadcast pro-Hamas messages. Distraught flyers complained that it felt like they were at Harvard.
– ibid.
If you believe in the Second Amendment, if you believe in the Constitution, Black people, Brown people of all stripes, whether you’re an Indian American or a Mexican American or whoever you are, go out in your place where you live and get a gun legally. Get a license to carry legally. Because when you have people knocking on your door and taking you away without due process as a citizen, isn’t that what the Second Amendment was written for?
- Former CNN host Don Lemon on a recent podcast urging people to shoot ICE agents
Avinatan Or, I hope you have a good excuse for not showing up to work at NVIDIA for 738 days.
- From a social media post by Nvidia manager Eddie Goldenberg celebrating the release of hostage Avinatan Or, who is employed by Nvidia
But every Sunday morning for two years, the head of NVIDIA Israel’s HR, Gideon Rosenberg, sent an email to all employees counting the days you were in captivity and calling everyone to join him for a reminder vigil in front of the Kirya gate, held every Sunday evening. Even the global CEO, Jensen Huang, mentioned your name in every quarterly internal meeting, telling 40,000 employees that their colleague was being held captive by Hamas. How wonderful that you’ve returned home… You work at a place that cares for you, and I also have some pretty good news about what’s happened with your stocks over the past two years.
- ibid.
It was a very odd morning. I woke up very early in the morning, dashing to my computer to see what happened with the hostages, and while reading the news about their return, somehow my inbox pops up with like 20 incoming messages that all say “congratulations.” I thought, “What … is this,” as it wasn’t my birthday, and only when I opened some of the emails, which prompted me to check my phone, I saw a missed call from Sweden, called back and was told that I won the Nobel Prize in Economic Sciences.
- Israeli-American economic historian Joel Mokyr, who won the Nobel Prize in Economics last week, in an interview with The Times of Israel
Where are the protesters?… Suddenly, the keffiyeh-wearing college kids are very quiet.
- Bill Maher, HBO, after Hamas murdered dozens of Arabs in the streets of Gaza
On this special day as we all gather to fight against blanket auto pen pardons and executive orders, lawlessness, and stealing citizen’s resources for illegal non-citizens, I believe it has worked!! That is no longer happening, so great job everyone.
- Tweet by golf legend Phil Mickelson
Some people have actually said I was the most qualified candidate ever to run for president.
- Kamala Harris, on a recent podcast
Dating Dialogue What Would You Do If…
Moderated by Jennifer Mann, LCSW of The Navidaters
Dear Navidaters,
Hi, thank you for giving me the opportunity to bring up a topic for discussion.
I’ve been in shidduchim for about a year and a half. I’m 23 years old and currently working. One challenge I’ve been facing is that when I reach out to shadchanim, many times, my messages are either read without a reply or just ignored. Personally, I wouldn’t mind if they wrote back with a simple, “We don’t know anyone for you at this time.” I understand that some people might find that hurtful, but for me, I’d much rather have that honesty and clarity than silence.
I’ve been working full time since I finished high school at 18, and I sometimes wonder if that makes it harder for shadchanim to find the right type of suggestions for me.
I want to know what’s the best way to approach shadchanim for follow up, so that I can keep the connection open for future suggestions without coming across as just another person asking them for an idea?
-Avi*
Disclaimer: This column is not intended to diagnose or otherwise conclude resolutions to any questions. Our intention is not to offer any definitive conclusions to any particular question, rather offer areas of exploration for the author and reader. Due to the nature of the column receiving only a short snapshot of an issue, without the benefit of an actual discussion, the panel’s role is to offer a range of possibilities. We hope to open up meaningful dialogue and individual exploration.
The Panel
Dear Readers,
We want to offer YOU an opportunity to be part of the discussion! Please email us at MichelleMondShadchan@gmail.com, subject line “reader’s response,” if you would like to participate in the new “A Reader’s Response” columnist spot. We will send you a question and publish your answer in an upcoming Navidaters edition.
If you have a question you would like the Navidaters to answer, please reach out to this email as well.
Looking forward!
Michelle, the “Shadchan”
The Rebbetzin
Rebbetzin Faigie Horowitz, M.S.
Among the many challenges in the current shidduch environment is the vulnerability it engenders. Don’t look at your history of working as a negative. Don’t look at your family situation as a negative. Don’t look at your education status as a negative. Don’t look at lack of responsiveness of shadchanim as a response to you personally. Take action to transition from a feeling of vulnerability to one of confidence and empowerment.
The best way to build yourself up is to feel accomplished. Create situations which will make you feel successful. Develop your personal skills, interests, network, social circle, and marketable skills. Young adulthood is the time to become yourself. Expand yourself, and you will grow in many aspects. Finding a life partner as a stronger and more resilient independent adult will make you a better candidate.
Remember that shadchanim are bombarded with calls, resumes, and entreaties from parents and single men and women. Most cannot handle the volume of outreach they receive. Many of them have their own friends, shul members, and neighbors that they see regularly that will naturally come to mind first. Your broadening growth and emergence from your native environment to new youth groups, sports groups, classes, and chesed groups will expand your social circles. More people will get to know the real you as an interesting, confident individual, rather than some facts
on a resume. That will lead to many more suggestions than pursuing overburdened professional matchmakers.
The Shadchan
Michelle Mond
Dear Avi,
Thank you so much for your question and sparking this very important conversation. One of the most difficult parts of being a shadchan is juggling all of the parts this volunteer position comes with. Especially because shadchanim work voluntarily, it is crucial to recognize the level of pressure and caseload upon each shadchan which you collaborate with. With this knowledge you will also understand that, realistically, there are simply not enough hours in the day (unless a shadchan is texting and calling people literally 24/6, and even that is not enough) to work on every single who reaches out. It is literally impossible to be on our a-game with responsiveness. Perhaps this is what gives us as shadchanim a bad reputation, but it simply is a Catch-22.
Making shidduchim is the only position in the Jewish world which is absolutely necessary and incredibly time consuming for which there is no official job position or compensation. It is because of this that it has become one of the most frustrating experiences, both for the single and for the ones trying to help them on their own time.
Now that I have highlighted the background so you understand the position
shadchanim are in a little more, I would like to give you a few practical suggestions to help you create a more positive rapport with the shadchanim you connect with.
With the sheer amount of demand placed on a shadchan, the shadchan usually ends up focusing on those that fall most in line with singles who show appreciation, are socially adept, who act with menschlichkeit to the people they set you up with, and who are easy to deal with.
Here are some guidelines for the singles and parents reading this to think about.
1. Don’t be difficult to deal with.
• I know this sounds obvious, but many who are difficult don’t realize it. If a shadchan has suggested an idea and you don’t think it’s a good idea, be polite in your response and speak in an appreciative tone. Don’t put down or reprimand a shadchan for suggesting a match that you aren’t interested in.
• In your communications, make sure you are not coming across as aggressive or overeager. Watch your social boundaries and cues.
2. Be a mensch.
When a shadchan suggests a match and you’re interested, give the other side some time to look into it (two days is normal). Follow social norms and boundaries, be patient. You don’t need to message the shadchan every six hours to see if there is an update.
3. Follow through.
• When you give a “yes” and agree to go out with someone, don’t suddenly backtrack and decide you’re no longer interested before the first date. Follow through with your “yes.” The shadchan has put this match together, and the girl is excited and interested. This is basic menschlichkeit as there are feelings on the other end.
• In the more modern world, if you exchange numbers with a girl, reach out to her immediately to plan a phone call/ date. Don’t spend days texting randomly with no date in sight. I see this too often, and it is very frustrating as there is usually an uneasiness in feeling the connection is going nowhere, yet still questionable.
• After the date, get back to the shadchan within a normal amount of time –
Even when we tell ourselves it’s not personal, it feels personal.
no ghosting. If you are in the more modern world, get back to the girl directly with communication whether you are interested in going out / having a call again.
4. Appreciation.
Show appreciation to the shadchan who is helping you or your child often. Recognize that this shadchan is working voluntarily to help you/your child. If there has been a significant amount of time and effort spent on you/your child, think of a way to express appreciation in a nice way.
My hope for you is by following these pieces of advice you will have more hatzlacha and clarity through the process.
The Zaidy
Dr. Jeffrey Galler
Your letter highlights how stressful it can be for so many of our wonderful singles, as they navigate through our antiquated and unwieldy shidduch system.
But, please, be patient. We are in the middle of autumn, the harvest season, and are reminded that every hard-working farmer knows that before he can enjoy the harvest: he must first plow, plant, and nurture.
Like our farmer who must get past rocky fields, thorns, and other obstacles, you need to overcome four barriers.
First: Getting an Initial Response from a Shadchan
Yes, we all understand that some shadchanim are often inundated and overwhelmed. Of course, it’s inexcusable for them to ignore you, but what can you do to try and get a response?
• Try reaching out to them at quieter times in their lives, not during yom tov or yeshiva vacation.
• Choose shadchanim whose client bases match you. For example, don’t expect a satisfactory response if you are strictly blue-collar but the shadchan’s client base is Ivy League, or if you never want to move from Southern California but the shadchan’s territory is exclusively based in Manhattan.
• Mention who recommended you. You might try: “Avi Cohen said that you are the best at matching normal guys with other normal singles,” or “Rabbi David Goldberg suggested that you would be able to help me.”
• Make yourself stand out and get the shadchan’s attention. For example, “I am the only Orthodox Delta Airlines pilot,” or I was the youngest apprentice to ever achieve the status of a fullfledged Journeyman in the Plumbers’ Union.”
Second: Assuring a Follow-up
Let’s say the shadchan responded, and perhaps even tried to set you up with someone. How do you stay on their radar?
• Always send a thank you note, like: “Thanks for letting me know that you are looking out for me. I really appreciate your trying to help.”
• Send small tokens of appreciation, like flowers for Shabbos or a fruit basket for yom tov.
Third: Turning a Perceived Negative into a Positive
Yes, it’s true that starting to work right after high school might make you less appealing to girls who had their hearts set on marrying a Kollel boy or a medical doctor. But what you’ve done makes you an exceptionally desirable “catch” for others.
Don’t downplay your accomplishments. Showcase them as signs of maturity and responsibility.
For example, you can emphasize how a licensed plumber will always be able to provide for his family, or how you are a rising star in your real estate job, or how for the past five years you have held a stable and responsible job with a good salary and benefits
Fourth: Bypassing the Shidduch System
Shadchanim really try to do their best, but you should explore alternatives. You can meet prospective life partners at singles’ events, at shul functions, at friends’ Shabbos meals, or by volunteering at community-philanthropic programs.
You may not meet the girl of your dreams at these events, but you will make yourself known, and meet someone who knows someone, who might be able to recommend someone special to you.
In conclusion, don’t be discouraged. Keep sowing seeds. Hashem has His own calendar for when they will bloom.
Reader’s Response
Esther Shapiro
This is a really difficult question that I think a lot of people struggle with in shidduchim. Shadchanim are busy with shidduchim and their personal lives, and they don’t necessarily always have time to send that quick text that
Dear Avi,
Thank you for writing in. I can feel how sincerely you’re trying to navigate this process with self-awareness and respect, and that alone tells me a lot about the kind of person you are.
Let’s start with the obvious: being ignored hurts. Even when we tell ourselves it’s not personal, it feels personal. You’re putting yourself out there, and silence can start to chip away at your confidence. So I want to say clearly that your reaction makes perfect sense. You’re not too sensitive. You just want
basic cour - tesy, and that’s fair.
Now about the follow-up piece. Shad- chanim are human, too. They’re busy, distracted, often juggling dozens of people, but that doesn’t mean you should feel like you’re chasing them down. The goal is to stay on their radar without losing your dignity or your warmth.
Here’s what I’d suggest: when you reach out, keep it brief, upbeat, and personal. Something like, “Hi [name], just
wanted to check in and see if anything new comes to mind for me. Hope you’re doing well and thank you for keeping me in mind.”
That’s it. Simple, kind, no pressure. You can follow up every month or so, just enough to stay visible without it feeling transactional.
This process can make even the most confident person start second-guessing themselves.
would be appreciated. Yet for those in shidduchim it’s very frustrating to not hear anything at all. One thing you can do is focus on sending your resume to the shadchanim that you find you work well with instead of every shadchan you know – whether they answer your messages more frequently or personality wise they click better with you or you connect better with them. And if there aren’t any that you feel you have a connection with, pick one or two and start connecting with them better. Sending your resume is your hishtadlus, and getting a response is up to Hashem
As for your work situation, please don’t shrink it. You’ve been working full time since 18 years old. That shows maturity, responsibility, and grit. You’re not too independent; you’re grounded in reality. The right person, and the right shadchan, will see that as a strength, not an obstacle.
This process can make even the most confident person start second-guessing themselves. Try not to internalize the noise. Your job is to keep showing up with self-respect and openness and to remember that silence says more about the system than it does about your worth.
Keep your heart open but your sense of self intact. The right person doesn’t need convincing.
Warmly Jennifer
Common Cents
How To Pay Off Debt (And When NOT To)
Paying off debt feels like a no-brainer, right? If you owe money—just pay it off.
But like most things in personal finance, the answer isn’t always that simple.
In this blog, we’ll break down how to approach debt strategically—when to pay it off aggressively, when it might make sense to hold off, and how to find the balance that works for you.
Not All Debt Is Created Equal
Before we jump into strategies, it’s important to know: some debt is more damaging than others.
Here’s a quick debt spectrum— from toxic to tolerable:
High-Interest Consumer Debt (Bad)
Think credit cards with 20%+ interest. This kind of debt grows fast and hurts your financial momentum.
Personal Loans & Buy Now, Pay Later Plans
More structured than credit cards, but still costly. Use with caution.
Auto Loans
Necessary for many people, but car values depreciate—so you’re paying interest on a shrinking asset.
Student Loans
Often lower interest and more flexible repayment options, but still a long-term obligation.
Mortgages
Often considered ‘good debt’ due to low rates, tax benefits, and appreciation potential.
When to Pay Off Debt Aggressively
If you’re facing high-interest
credit card debt, the math is clear: pay it off ASAP.
Here’s why:
– A 20% interest rate is like investing with a -20% return.
– Minimum payments trap you in a cycle.
– Reducing balances improves your credit score.
Popular Payoff Strategies:
Debt Avalanche
Pay off the debt with the highest interest rate first. Mathematically efficient.
Debt Snowball
Pay off the smallest balances first for psychological wins. Keeps you motivated.
Consolidation
Combining debt into a single loan with a lower rate or fixed term. Just watch out for fees.
Balance Transfers
0% intro APR offers can help if you pay off the balance before the promo period ends.
When *Not* to Rush Debt Payoff
Believe it or not, there are times when making minimum payments and saving or investing instead is the smarter move.
Here are a few examples:
• You don’t have an emergency fund (focus on building that first).
• You’re investing in a 401(k) with a match—don’t leave free money on the table.
• Your interest rate is low (like a 3% mortgage) and your investments are earning 7%+.
• You need cash flow flexibility
By Elliot Pepper, CPA, CFP®, MST
during uncertain times (e.g. new job, new baby, etc.).
Emotional vs. Financial ROI
Sometimes, the emotional payoff of being debt-free outweighs the mathematical advantage of investing.
If peace of mind matters more than portfolio growth, that’s valid. Just make sure the decision is intentional—not reactive.
Your Common Cents Action Plan
– List out all your debts with balances, interest rates, and minimum payments.
– Choose a payoff strategy: Avalanche for speed, Snowball for motivation.
– Start with high-interest debt unless another priority (like an emergency fund) comes first.
– Reassess monthly based on your goals, cash flow, and life changes.
– Celebrate progress—every paidoff account is a win!
At Northbrook Financial, we help you craft a strategy that balances debt freedom with long-term wealth building. Because sometimes the smartest move isn’t what you think—it’s what works for you.
Subscribe to Common Cents digitally on LinkedIn.
The decision to start saving and investing is yours, but the “how” can be hard. Email commoncents@ northbrookfinancial.com to schedule a financial planning consultation with our team.
Elliot Pepper, CPA, CFP®, MST is Co-Founder of Northbrook Financial, a Financial Planning, Tax, and Investment Management Firm. He has developed and continues to teach a popular Financial Literacy course for high school students.
Relationships Rewired Is the Dust Really Settled?
By Bassy Schwartz, LMFT
If I could rename Cheshvan, I’d call it Burnout Month.
The whirlwind of the chagim is finally behind us. The sukkah has been taken down, the endless meals have been eaten, and the unstructured time is turning back to routine. The complicated family and relationship dynamics that swirl through every yom tov season have run their course, at least for now. The dust is settling. We’re easing back into structure, hoping it will serve us well. And to top it all off, the days are getting shorter, and the season of slow is settling in.
If you’re feeling slumpy, short-tempered, or at the end of your fuse, you’re in good company. In my work, this time of year often brings a familiar wave of emotional fallout. After the adrenaline of yom tov fades, what’s left can be heavy— resentments that bubbled up, exhaustion that’s been ignored, and relationship tension that has nowhere left to hide once the noise quiets down.
I see a few common ways people respond once the chagim end. Some check the drama at the door, vowing not to think about it until next yom tov season. “It’s over,” we tell ourselves. “Let’s move on.” Others feel resolved to do things differently next time. We draw clear lines in the sand for our future selves, deciding that we will no longer be as accommodating, as silent, or as available for patterns that hurt. And then there are those for whom this year’s turmoil was the breaking point. Something inside of us quietly shifts. For most of us, the way we process and move forward after the chagim is often passive, almost automatic. We slide back into the familiar—what we’ve always done, what feels easiest in the short term. But ease is not the same as peace. If you’re still reading, you might be ready to consider a different path this time around.
My friend and colleague Rachel Tuchman, LMHC, once shared a post that said, “Setting proper boundaries early on can help prevent estrangement.” I’ve thought about that line countless times since she
wrote it. We tend to think of boundaries as something you set after there’s been damage – as a response to pain. But healthy boundaries are actually a form of preventative care. They keep relationships safe, sustainable, and intact. And this doesn’t just apply to family estrangement. It applies to marriage, to friendships, to community life. Strong connections don’t just happen; they’re built on the quiet framework of limits and clarity.
But our culture isn’t wired this way. We’re taught not to make things “a big deal.” Not to rock the boat. To be flex-
more than their share before yom tov. Each of these moments, on their own, might seem insignificant. But when they go unaddressed – when we brush them off, swallow our discomfort, or vent about them behind someone’s back – they start to accumulate. Over time, those micro-ruptures become deep fissures.
Many of us learned in childhood to “move on” from conflict as quickly as possible. Maybe we were told not to talk back. Maybe we grew up in homes where disagreement felt dangerous, or where peace was valued more than honesty. So
Burnout doesn’t just come from doing too much. It comes from holding too much
ible, forgiving, and understanding—to a fault. The unspoken rule is: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. The problem is that many relationships are quietly breaking long before we ever notice.
In therapy, we talk about small ruptures – tiny moments when connection weakens just a little. A sarcastic tone in the kitchen. A remark about weight or appearance. A disagreement about money. Resentment for feeling like one side did
we carry those patterns into adulthood. We “let it go,” again and again, telling ourselves we’re being mature or kind. Until one day, we wake up resentful, disconnected, and convinced the other person is the problem.
So, if you’re feeling burned out right now, take it as data – not defeat. Burnout doesn’t just come from doing too much. It comes from holding too much – too many unspoken feelings, too many small
hurts, too much pretending that things don’t bother us when they do.
This month, instead of powering through, pause and take stock. Reflect on the moments that felt heavy during the chagim. Maybe there was tension with a sibling. Maybe you felt unseen by your spouse or dismissed by your parent. Maybe you noticed yourself snapping at your kids more than usual or feeling unusually drained by family interactions. Whatever it was, don’t rush to file it away under “normal holiday stress.” Ask yourself: Is the way I’m processing this helping me get closer to the kind of relationships I actually want?
If not, what would it look like to make a small change now, before the next holiday cycle rolls around? Maybe that means initiating a hard but honest conversation. Maybe it’s starting therapy or journaling about what boundaries would make you feel safer. Maybe it’s simply deciding that you’re no longer going to ignore the small ruptures that show up in your daily life.
You don’t have to wait for a dumpster fire to take control of the outcome of your relationships. You can start right now, by noticing the small ruptures, honoring your limits, and choosing intention over autopilot.
Because healing doesn’t happen in the middle of the whirlwind – it happens in the calm after, when the dust settles and we finally have space to decide who we want to be next time around.
Bassy Schwartz, LMFT, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy, brings a compassionate and unique approach to her practice – focusing on couples and individuals dealing with conflict and disconnection due to childhood emotional neglect and complex family dynamics. Bassy empowers clients to harness their inner strength and authentic selves to achieve meaningful relationships beyond what they could have ever imagined. Reach her directly at bassy@corerelationships. com or WhatsApp (347) 309-5362.
A Fulfilled L fe Are You Really Listening? Keys to Effective Communication between Parents and Preschoolers
By Miryam Werdyger and Sarah Ziet
In the heart of every parent-child relationship lies the essence of effective communication, particularly during the transformative preschool years. This is a remarkable phase where children embark on a journey of language acquisition and emotional development. By nurturing open and loving dialogue at this critical time, you are not merely assisting your child in voicing their needs, you are imparting vital life skills such as emotional regulation, empathy, and problem-solving. This endeavor lays a robust foundation of trust and understanding that will serve them well throughout their lives.
The Art of Active Listening and Non-Verbal Communication
For preschoolers, communication extends far beyond the spoken word. These young beings are discovering how to articulate their thoughts and feelings
through a rich tapestry of language, body movements, and gestures. As a parent, your ability to listen actively is just as vital as the words you choose to speak.
Meet Them at Their Level
Bend down or sit with your child so that your eyes align. This simple act conveys your undivided attention, making the conversation feel intimate and approachable.
Demonstrate Engagement
Use non -verbal signals such as nodding, smiling, and maintaining eye contact. By putting away distractions like your phone or turning off your computer, you signal to your child that they have your full attention.
Listen for the Feelings
Beyond their words, strive to grasp the emotions that lie beneath. For in -
stance, if your child expresses, “I’m not playing with Shani anymore,” respond with, “It seems like you might be feeling hurt or frustrated. Can you tell me what happened?”
Recognizing and Acknowledging Emotions
Preschoolers are on a quest to comprehend and manage their intense emotions. As their guide, your role is to help them identify and validate these feelings without judgment by naming feelings.
Use phrases like “You’re smiling so big! You look so happy playing with that toy” or “Your face is red and your hands are in fists. You look angry because you can’t have another cookie.”
This helps them associate a word with their emotions.
Speaking Their Language
Preschoolers are navigating a world
of limited vocabulary and developing comprehension of abstract ideas. To forge a meaningful connection, it is essential to tailor your language to their understanding.
Instead of saying, “Generosity is the quality of being kind and giving,” you could use this approach:
“Generosity is when you share something with a friend, like when you let your friend play with your favorite toy, even when you really want to play with it yourself. Or when you give a snack to your friend who forgot theirs. Being generous makes our friends happy and makes our hearts feel good.”
Utilize Simple and Clear Language
Steer clear of complex terms and lengthy sentences. Break down instructions into bite-sized, manageable steps. Instead of saying, “Tidy up all the
toys and put them in the box,” consider saying, “Please put the blocks in the red box, and then place the cars in the basket.”
Be Concrete
Opt for words that relate to tangible objects they can see, touch, or experience directly. When addressing abstract concepts, employ concrete examples or visual aids to enhance comprehension. For example , when teaching a child to share, an abstract command like “You need to share with your friend” is often ineffective. A better approach is to make the concept concrete: “When you let your friend play with your red truck, you are sharing. Sharing means you let someone else use your toy for a little while, and then they’ll let you use theirs. It’s like taking turns with your toys.” This turns the abstract idea of sharing into a series of tangible actions: “letting them play with your truck” and “taking turns.”
Help Expand Their Vocabulary
When your child uses a one- or twoword phrase, enrich their expression. If they say, “Doggy run,” you might re -
spond with, “Yes, the doggy is running fast!” This not only models correct grammar but also introduces new vocabulary.
The Power of Open-Ended Questions
Encouraging your preschooler to express themselves can be beautifully facilitated through open-ended questions that invite more than a simple “yes” or “no.”
Instead of asking, “Did you have a good day?” try, “What was the most fun thing you did today?” This encourages a richer response and offers a glimpse into their world.
Engage Their Imagination
At this age, play-based learning is vital. Immerse yourself in their imaginative games and inquire about their adventures. “Tell me about the castle you built. Who lives there?” This fosters storytelling and sparks creative thinking.
Promote Problem-Solving
Rather than providing immediate answers, guide them to discover solu-
tions on their own. If they cannot locate their favorite toy, ask, “Where did you last see it?” or “Where do toys like to hide?”
Empathize and Reassure their Feelings
If you notice they are upset after their playdate with their friends, you can say, “It’s OK to feel sad when your friend goes home.” This lesson teaches them that all emotions are acceptable, fostering trust and emotional intelligence.
Set Kind Limits
Acknowledge their feelings while still maintaining boundaries. For instance, “I understand you’re frustrated, but we cannot throw toys when we’re angry. Let’s find another way to calm down.” By embodying patience, empathy, and attentive communication, you not only strengthen the bond with your child but also equips them with the essential skills they need to flourish in all their future relationships.
Mastering the art of communication with your preschooler is one of the most
significant investments you can make in their future. By actively listening and modeling positive behaviors, you are providing them with invaluable tools for emotional intelligence, self-confidence, and strong relationships. The journey of effective communication with a young child is a continuous one, filled with moments of joy, growth, and deeper connection that will last a lifetime. So, check in from time to time and ask yourself, “Are you really listening?”
Have something to share? We’d love to hear from you!
This article was written with insights from Morah Chaya Shapiro of morahchaya.com
Miryam Werdyger and Sarah Ziet are Certified Life Coaches and mentors specializing in effective communication skills for individuals, couples, parents and singles navigating the dating world. They can be reached at coachmiryam@icloud.com or via WhatsApp/text at 516-924-7695.
Shlomo Yitzchok Purec
Parenting Pearls Mixing Emotions
By Sara Rayvych, MSEd
It was a very busy yom tov season. We went from yom tov to Shabbos and back again. It felt like almost every day was preparing for an upcoming seudah. It’s hard to imagine settling back into a regular schedule.
Many of us will say the highlight of the yom tov season was seeing the return of our brothers from Gaza. The long-awaited reunions brought up indescribable emotions. Erev Shemini Atzeres brought part of a two-year nightmare to an end. The inspiration of seeing a father stop to say “shema Yisroel” before embracing his son after his miraculous return will remain with us long after the sukkah is back in storage. The stories of faith and resilience are only starting to emerge.
Along with joy, relief and gratitude to Hashem came other feelings, such as pain and anger. Klal Yisroel had to pay a very steep price to get to this point. We had the simcha of seeing released hostages walking on Israeli soil while simultaneously feeling the pain of waiting for the return of those that had fallen. There was gratitude over the end of the torture, mixed with the pain of what they’ve endured. We can’t help but reflect on the two years that have passed.
I’ve heard many adults argue over how we should feel after so much has happened. The full range of emotions have been suggested, each with their own accompanying reasons. I can’t tell anyone how they should feel. For myself, I’ve settled with accepting the simultaneous presence of mixed – often opposite and competing – emotions.
It’s comfortable when something fits nicely into a labeled box. We can easily define it and understand what we’re looking at. The reality is that many things don’t fit in so easily. Emotions can be mixed. People can have positive and negative aspects to their personality. Anticipated events can be both exciting and nerve-wracking.
It’s confusing to experience such internal conflict. We want to have clear feelings in one direction. Something is either good or bad. Sweet or sour. Happiness or sadness. Black or white. The truth is that we live in a world with many shades of gray. This mix happens in many areas of life, and it’s our job to guide our
children through them.
Definition and Acceptance
It can help to label the different things we are experiencing or noticing. Something tends to be less scary and confusing once it has a name. Being able to say, “I’m excited for the first day of school but nervous my friends won’t be in my class” defines the different emotions, such as excitement and nervousness. “The other boy is nice to you most of the time, but he also gets jealous when you win the game.” Until we put a name or label on something, it’s unknown and more confusing – it’s also scarier.
Once we define something, we know what we’re working with and we can start to process our thoughts, work through our feelings, and accept what we can’t change.
It’s important to recognize that we can think or feel multiple things at once – and that’s fine. The very same thing can be good, bad and neutral – all at the same time. It’s not neat, nor is it convenient, but it’s the reality.
This concept is very hard for adults, but it’s even more challenging for children who are, by nature, more concrete thinkers. We often don’t appreciate how many concepts and ideas are abstract because they seem so simple or basic to us.
Children are also new to this world, and they’re trying so hard to make sense of it. There is so little they understand, and to mix things up in the same pot only makes this task even harder for them. By giving labels or names we can help separate the confusion into smaller, more manageable pieces.
With People
This need to hold simultaneous, but competing, feelings goes beyond just events. It’s normal to want to be able to define people as “good” or “bad/” This is a safety mechanism, as well as a way to make sense of the world. If someone is “good,” then we can feel safe around them. Alternatively, if someone is “bad,” then we know to stay away. This would be a nice theory if it were true.
Sadly, life is rarely this convenient.
There are too many stories of people who did so much good for others yet were found to be committing terrible crimes. Despite the seemingly good they may have done, the bad far outweighs everything else.
Fortunately, most people are overall good, even if they can still do wrong at times. As this is more common in a child’s everyday life, I’d like to focus predominantly on this mixture. Examples include a friend who does something mean, a parent who says something hurtful or a teacher who wrongly accused a student. These individuals may all be kind people, yet it’s hard for a child to assimilate the hurt and still remember the person is good overall.
This is a complex topic and beyond the scope of one article, but I’d still like to give some suggestions. Again, this is only referring to a person who is healthy for your child to be around – even if they are human and err.
The Torah has already given us some suggestions. Children are taught to be dan l’kaf zechus (judge favorably) and a basic understanding of teshuva (repentance). These ideas may be lofty, but children can begin to understand them at rudimentary level. It’s natural to apply both of these teachings to the current discussion.
We can help children judge others favorably. Perhaps their friend misunderstood the situation. Maybe the parent wasn’t feeling well. This doesn’t excuse the misbehavior, but it can help a child understand how a mistake can be made, even by a good person.
We can also explain that only Hashem is perfect. Humans are designed to make mistakes. Our children, as wonderful as they are, do the wrong thing at times. They can be amazing, incredible individuals –but they’re going to make mistakes. Just like our child can err, so can others. Just
like our child would like others to think well of them and be forgiving, our child can begin to learn to extend that to others. Teshuva wouldn’t need to exist if good people couldn’t make mistakes and then improve. If someone is emotionally unhealthy for a particular child, then we need to keep them away – even if that person is a great person overall. There are certain combinations that don’t mix well. Just like adults may have that coworker they always seem to have friction with, children can have someone who is a toxic mix for that particular child. They may always fight or bring out the worst in each other. Perhaps they tease or say mean things to just our child, even if they’re nice to others. While we want to teach children to get along with their peers, there are times when the negative to our child outweighs any possible future benefits.
Sometimes, a person is very mixed in their middos. There are times we can teach children to take the good and leave behind any bad. Maybe the other child is great at sharing, but not at losing a game. They may have a wonderful playdate as long as they avoid competitive activities. This skill may be too difficult for many children and should only be applied if it can realistically work.
I join all of Klal Yisroel in welcoming our brothers back from Gaza. We daven for their continued healing and the safety of our entire nation. The love and connection we have for each other are emotions we can all agree on.
Sara Rayvych, MSEd, has her master’s in general and special education. She has been homeschooling for over 10 years in Far Rockaway. She can be contacted at RayvychHomeschool@gmail.com.
School of Thought
By Etti Siegel
Q:Dear Etti, My daughter hates school. I don’t mean she just complains – she seriously hates it. She has never been very academic, but until now she accepted that going to school is simply part of life. Lately, everything has changed. Now she cries, yells, and even throws things. Most mornings we practically have to drag her to the bus stop. Her behavior in school isn’t much better, and I feel at a loss. I don’t know how to help her, and I’m worried about what this means for her future. Please, can you guide me?
Sincerely, - Worried Mom
A:Dear Worried Mom, First, let me acknowledge that this is a tough time for you and for your daughter. What you’re going through is hard, really hard, and I want you to know that unfortunately you are not alone. Many children, even sweet and capable kids, can hit a stage where school feels unbearable. The yelling, the tears, and the dramatic resistance at the bus stop aren’t signs that you’re failing as a parent. They’re signs that your daughter is struggling to put into words what school feels like for her right now.
Every behavior is a form of communication. The behaviors you are describing are not just her “being difficult.” Your daughter is telling you in the only way she knows how that school is an issue for her.
When a child is “not so academic,” school can quickly turn into a daily reminder of what doesn’t come easily. At first, she may have accepted it as part of life. But over time, that feeling of always feeling weaker than everyone else can wear a child down, especially when it seems that the children around her all seem to be finding school less challenging than she does. Suddenly, what once
was tolerable becomes overwhelming. She starts to define herself by her weakness, and she hates it. And possibly, sadly, she might even start to hate herself. That’s when you see the crying, the throwing, the desperation to stay home. Not only is she struggling, but she is feeling different and feeling less-than.
When the adults work together, she sees that the world around her is steady even when she feels shaky.
If you are a mom in our mainstream frum community, life is really hectic right now. You are still dealing with adjusting to a school schedule for this child and any others you may have. You are dealing with the seasons changing and what that means for all of your closets and wardrobes…and one of the busiest yom tov seasons with all the preparations (more freezer space, anyone?) that these holy days entail.
But your daughter needs you now. One of the most important things you can do is create a neutral space to talk, where you can try to listen with curiosity. Now is not the time to solve anything; it is a fact-finding mission. Sometimes, the problem isn’t the whole day; it might be a specific subject, a particular teacher, a specific student, comments being made to her or about her, or an unstructured time, such as recess. Finding out what part of the day feels scariest or hardest can make the big problem feel smaller, and smaller problems are easier to work on. Sometimes, just the fact that you are listening and empathizing is all she needs right now. Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for, when they are secure in the knowledge that we are their safety net.
The other piece I don’t want you to overlook is what happens the night before. A chaotic, late, or stressful evening almost guarantees a rough morning. The way your daughter ends her day sets the tone for how she begins the next one. Building a calm, consistent bedtime routine – without rushing, without screens, and
with plenty of reassurance –can make the mornings feel a little less like a battlefield. Sometimes, the solution to the morning tears starts at 8:00 p.m., not 7:00 a.m.
School staff need to be part of the solution, too. Share with her teachers exactly what mornings look like at home. Let them know how much she is struggling, not to complain, but so they can be partners with you. A child who feels supported at home and in school stands a much better chance of regaining her footing. And when the adults work together, she sees that the world around her is steady even when she feels shaky. And through it all, don’t lose sight of her strengths. Your daughter is more than her tantrums, more than her academic struggles, more than the tears at the bus stop. Every child shines somewhere. Maybe she is talented in art, in the chessed she does, in her sense of humor, or in her imagination. Find ways for her to use her kochos (strengths) and revel in feeling success. Success builds confidence, and usually more success follows. Let her feel that she is loved and valued for the whole of who she is, not just the part that shows up in a classroom. That sense of worth will help her weather the harder days that get her down.
There may come a time when you want to talk with a therapist, just to make sure nothing deeper, like anxiety, learning issues, or emotional struggles, is hiding underneath what you are seeing. But for now, know that with your steady and unconditional love and your willingness to problem-solve this storm can calm down. With patience, teamwork, and gentle structure, your daughter can rediscover that learning doesn’t have to be the enemy.
With brachos extended that it will get easier, - Etti
Mrs. Etti Siegel holds a MS in Teaching and Learning/Educational Leadership and brings sound teaching advice to her audiences culled from her over 35 years of teaching and administrative experience. Etti is an Adjunct at the College of Mount Saint Vincent/Sara Shenirer. She is a coach and educational consultant for Catapult Learning, FACTS Education Solutions, Brienza Academic Advantage, Yeled V’Yalda; is a sought-after mentor and workshop presenter around the country; and a popular presenter for Sayan (a teacher-mentoring program), Hidden Sparks, and the Consortium of Jewish Day Schools. She is a frequent contributor to Hamechanech magazine and The Journal for Jewish Day School Leaders and has a weekly column in The Jewish Home.
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In The K tchen
Lentil Feta Burger
Dairy / Yields 12 servings
By Naomi Nachman
After weeks of heavy meat meals during the chagim, I try to serve dairy dinners to my family during the weeks following yom tov to balance out our diets. This dairy burger is surprisingly hearty even though one feels like you’ve “had
a burger” for dinner!
Ingredients
◦ 1 medium onion, diced
◦ 2 tablespoons canola oil
◦ 1 teaspoon kosher salt
◦ 2 cloves garlic, crushed
◦ ½ teaspoon cumin
◦ ½ teaspoon smoked paprika
◦ 2 eggs, lightly beaten
◦ 2 tablespoons flour
◦ 1 cup panko crumbs
◦ 1 cup uncooked lentils, prepared according to package directions
◦ ½ cup feta cheese, crumbled
◦ Oil, for frying
◦ Spicy mayo, tomato, additional feta, and buns, optional, for serving
Preparation
1. Heat sauté pan over medium heat; add oil. When oil is hot, add onion; sauté for 5 minutes. Add garlic, cumin, and smoked paprika. Sauté for 2-3 minutes. Remove from heat; transfer to a mixing bowl.
2. Add lentils and feta to the onion mixture, stirring to combine. Add eggs, flour, and panko crumbs. Stir to combine; set aside to thicken for 20 minutes.
3. In a sauté pan over medium heat, heat 4 tablespoons canola oil.
4. Form the lentil mixture into patties; fry for 5 minutes on each side, until cooked through.
5. Serve on a bun with spicy mayo, a slice of tomato, and a sprinkle of feta, if desired.
Naomi Nachman, the owner of The Aussie Gourmet, caters weekly and Shabbat/ Yom Tov meals for families and individuals within The Five Towns and neighboring communities, with a specialty in Pesach catering. Naomi is a contributing editor to this paper and also produces and hosts her own weekly radio show on the Nachum Segal Network stream called “A Table for Two with Naomi Nachman.” Naomi gives cooking presentations for organizations and private groups throughout the New York/New Jersey Metropolitan area. In addition, Naomi has been a guest host on the QVC TV network and has been featured in cookbooks, magazines as well as other media covering topics related to cuisine preparation and personal chefs. To obtain additional recipes, join The Aussie Gourmet on Facebook or visit Naomi’s blog. Naomi can be reached through her website, www.theaussiegourmet.com or at (516) 295-9669.
