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()mama ORGAN OF THE ARCHDIOCESE OF PERTH, Registered at the G.P.0,, Perth. for transmission by post as a newspaper. NO. 2,278.
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ESTABLISHED 1874.
'PHONE B8060 Perth, Pox A33, G.P.O. Perth.
450 Hay Street,
PERTH, WEDNESDAY, APRIL 9, 1947.
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PRICE THREEPENCE.
SEVENTY-FOURTH YEAR.
"Priests Are My Favourite People
An American Convert Offers a Nosegay to the Clergy other walk of life.
I
don't see
Is this the whole
man? most winding wearily: "And ate this light-heartedness earnestly urge you to invite meat Friday, suppose." Humorous Appraisal of the why (shades of Philip Neri) dinner some evening and penitent is horrified. "Oh, should along with poverty, out for yourself Not only Father! wouldn't that, and obedience, but it will it be indeed most edifying Father!" grossness the Sacerdotal - Lay Relationship chastity, seems for (he's intelligent, he's crassness, the presumption of the laymen, are funny, St.
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up
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on
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he's down to earth), but Father for even suggesting such Priests are just about my fav- mean different species within an somewhat responsible? Maybe it's good for him to see how the a thing. The penitent is cruet. ourite people. I offer this little order. It is only recently that the laughs we hand them offset other half, the seamier side, fled. Anyway, this lives. nosegay in all simplicity; no axe I, a convert, have discovered this, the headaches? It's like the Catholicity of the to grind, no wood to chop, no bin and the discovery pleases me en - business of theirs-dealing with Let me introduce Father X., gangster with a .45 in one hip us poor devils and half-baked a young assistant priest. to fill. (My child hasn't just ormously. pocket and a seed -pearl rosary broken a church window, nor my I'd always thought of the Ro- ideas-appears to give priests a Casual and ambling in his gait, in the other. "A queer kind of husband been kicked out of the man collar as a sort of indelible shining little virtue that isn't list- he is referred to as the Rev. faith," ponders Father X, "but Holy Name Society. We are, for trade -mark that guaranteed Slow, yes, but they've got something, haven't a ed among the cardinal virtues Stepin Fetchit. the nonce, in relatvely good uniform product: little tin sol- but should be. A very live and that he does step and that he they? It's better than nothing, standing.) I just like priests as diers straight off the assembly wiggling sense of humour. The does fetch are testified to by isn't it?" (N.B.: With this people-it's as simple as that- line, with the same regulation sacraments in themselves are his army of converts, for this is of penitent Father X is kind the and it doesn't hurt anything, thoughts, regulation attitudes, pretty overwhelming, but sacra - his specialty: drawing both good shepherd, holding up the does it, to toss a very human tri- regulation stomach ulcers. Not barbed wire for the black sheep bute in their direction? so. They've all got the same to crawl under. But with the white sheep browsing in ' green They get plenty of the other: Captain, they're all fighting unformal testimonial pastures, he's a regular chain banquets, der the same banner, but the gala jubilee celebrations, a gen- Light Brigade charges forward gang overseer. You don't even eral bowing and scraping just be- with a different horse for every dare peek over the fence into that cause they're priests. I won't rider. greener, lusher pasture.) Some priests are all wrapped go into that side of it (although The Sunday parish bulletin (They're I'm just as impressed with Holy up in the liturgy. comes out, on Pentecost, dated Orders, per se, as the next per- the type you greet over the Septuagesima Sunday. The recson) because respect -for-the -cloth 'phone with "A happy St. Poly tory phone bells starts ringing, is well taken care of. And I, carp's feast day to you, Father.") the complaints come rolling in, too, hail all the heroic chaplains, Others are all engrossed in the the parish ("This is Aposblood -spilling missionaries, and- lay aposeolate. in a dither. Father X is highly No. 35679 reporting, in particular-the priests who tle pleased. "I just wanted to teat Father.") Others are working phig away at unpopular causes. them out, and see if any of them Only, I'm just not hailing them like mad to spread this or that really read the bulletin," he devotional practice. "But I here. explains airily. made the First Fridays, Father. All I'm offering here is my litFor a slow-moving man with a tle nosegay (home-grown, hand I got a Happy Death all sewed generally cautious approach to plucked) to priests, in general, up. What's next?") Still others concentrate life, on Father sometimes converts. ("I got has along with an explanation as to strange feylike impulses that If why, for Pete's sake, I en- a prospect for you, Father. amaze me. A lady parishioner, joy them so much. To tell you you can comfort her as to why rushing madly around the corner the truth, it has rather puzzled unbaptised babies can't go to of the church, collides with him. me. I haven't been exactly heaven, she's ours."). Some priests live in ivory tow"A very special blessing on you brooding about it, understand, ers; some in my dear," he pontificates, and the market -place; but I had to figure the reasons deeply carves the sign of the out for my own satisfaction. some in the class -room; some in cross in the spring air. Her disHeaven only knows that priests editorial offices. Some are heaven -bent on comfiture winning tickles new him. souls; She can, in their struggle to keep you doesn't know if he's kidding or on the straight and narrow, cause others in preserving and polish. Peck, Gregory as Father ("high olm, in "The Keys of the King- if this is a bona fide blessing you plenty of trouble, and you ing the souls already won. might just as well try to budge It's wonderful. Just pick your dom." All priests are not so glamorous as Hollywood portrays that requires a sinking to the knees right there on the flagBoulder Darn as get a priest to horse, pick your gait (plod, trot, them, but there's real personal pleasure in knowing them. stone walk. back down on even one teeny or gallop), and stay on the highFather is standing in the little doctrinal point. I've tried. way. Too, these priests can badger the All of which leads up to why ments pertain to people and the heathens and Catholic fallen - church vestibule, head bent de A daylights out of you trying to I, personally, like priests as peo- minute we enter the picture, in sways over the line. His met- voutly over his breviary. work off a parish debt: push you ple. Because of their diversity creeps the ridiculous-all mixed hod is fairly primitive. He just young academy girl rushes in, around, hound you into doing all and because of their very busi- up with the supernatural. For slouches there in a chair and lets ten minutes late for Mass. "Good sorts of things you don't want ness, they never bore me. In example, the Sacrament of Pen- you do all the talking, giving morning, pagan," he says courto do. They have a way of talking with them I never find ance. you enough rope to hang your- teously, without raising his head Fencing with the old quirks of self. Then he unslouches and or flicking an eyelid. sticking out that shepherd's crook myself swallowing a yawn or gazFather tiptoes into the church and grabbing you around the ing furtively at my wrist -watch, human nature day after day, and unties the noose. of a Saturday afternoon and neck before you know what's or mentally planning the menu having the smelly little sins of But it's in the confessional quietly taps the shoulder of the happening. for supper. I wish I could say humanity dumped on him week that he really shines like a phos- last lady standing in the confesTo like them in spite of all the same for all my acquaint- after week, a priest (I maintain) has to develop a sense of hum- phorescent cross in the dark. He sional line. "What's the line this really calls for a sixty-four ances. appears have (I must wring for," he whispers, "nylons or dol,ar explanation. Few go this out to This priestly business deals our or else go crazy. of him some day) some butter?" (The Catholic To begin with, let me say that with human nature-not haber- crazy. sort of mystical X-ray machine grows tall and verdant and ascorn for I live in a town that not only dashery, nor wholesale groceries, Yet not many parishioners sus- on side of the sliding door. me, my sensibilities are just suffisports a Catholic spire every few nor weather stripping-and so it pect this (I mean, not that their The hisplates are quickly develop- ciently blunted to love it.) blocks, but also flaunts near by has a universal appeal. I don't priests are not crazy but that ed there in the roomthe golden dome of Notre Dame have to listen to the one-sided they have this subterranean hum- clearly showing updark conclusion, may I point out the mote in a In University. The place fairly interests of the small business our), for the average parishioner your eye, the thorn in grave omission on the part of your swarms with priests, and so this man, the fearful moanings about has only a nodding acquaintance -and these impediments he flesh us sheep? We have a national resn't a case of having met up inflation, nor any of that "so I with his parish shepherd. It's moves with a neat surgical disBe Kind to Dumb Animals Week, with, and been dazzled by, a lone up and sez to the boss" stuff. I reduced to a "Good lemming, patch that would Better Babies Week, Better Mayo Bing Crosby number, some wan- have to listen to other things- Father" (brief tug at the hat brothers to shame.put the Books Week,' et cetera, but posiAnd for tively I've yes-but a good rousing tirade brim) and the "Bless me, Father, faree! You go to a doctor dering clerical minstrel. no time set apart for our and priests. met lots of priests (including against adultery, for instance, is for I have sinned" in the dark start out: "Doc, I've got a funny I'm not exactly sugmany MGM wouldn't give a more interesting than a gnash- anonymity of the confessional. little pain," and you pay plenty gesting a Better Priests Week screen test to even for a B pic- ing-of -teeth at the government. It's really too bad, but you can't for wondering about that funny (the wording is not too happy), ture) and I think-say I, judici- The saints are more interesting exactly blame the layman. It's little pain. But a priest! You but we do need something. How ously stroking my chin-that than strike leaders; the benefits his loss but not his fault. can have your soul turned inside can our priests possibly guess I've met a fair cross section. It of the sacraments more absorbstaring into our impasThere's your priest moving ma- out and thoroughly aired and (from sive isn't likely that I, like a magnet, ing than the benefits of weather jestically Sunday after Sunfrom the Epistle side diagnosed for absolutely nothing. day) faces, have drawn only the fairest, the stripping. just what we really think It appeals to the Scotch in me. to the Gospel side and then facof them? The least we can do finest, the bonniest of the lot, for But although this heaven busi- ing, solemnly, his flock. There's Father's main cross (next to things like that just don't happen ness is mighty interesting, occasionally hand them little my letter from the Bishop to be the parishioner who calls at 11 is to me. I'm more the type that nosegay is for 'he priests, not aread: nosegays-judiciously spaced, of a listing of all the meetp.m. Saturday to ask the Mass works like a magnet in reverse. their business. That needs no ings to be held that week: and a schedule) is the penitent with course, so as not to wreak havoc let Peering through my micro- florat offering, I'm presenting rather distressing financial re- only one cylinder working. This with their humility-and them know they're not wasting scope, then, at this cross section, my posies to the priests because port. The whole discourse is is the penitent who made his their fragrance on the desert air. I am happy to report that the they don't suffer from cheropho- lavishly sprinkled with the regu- last seven years ago Let them know that behind our findings are not only highly fav- bia (I'm pretty proud of that lation phrases: "Hearty co-opera- and confession has been merrily battering blank Sunday faces, our inarticuourable, but amazing. There are word. It means "fear of having tion . . . indeed most edifying the commandments to bits ever late bleating of "Yes, Father," more different kinds of priests fun.") Four out of five (by . . . wish to thank the excellent Down the list he goes and "No, Father," there's real than you can shake a stick at. 1 actual smoke test) have a certain chairlady . . we most urgently since. with everything short of murder personal pleasure in knowing don't mean different Orders; I joyousness that you find in no urge ..." on the docket-and with Father them. -