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the marriage course > Leaders’ Guide A quick reference guide for running The Marriage Course
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Published in North America by Alpha North America, 2275 Half Day Road, Suite 185, Deerfield, IL 60015 © 2009 Alpha International, Holy Trinity Brompton, Brompton Road, London, SW7 1JA, UK The Marriage Course Leaders’ Guide All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers. First printed by Alpha North America in 2002 This revised edition 2009 Printed in the United States of America Scripture in this publication is from the Holy Bible, New International Version (NIV), Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society, used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. ISBN 978-1-934564-56-1 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Printing/Year 13 12 11 10 09
Contents
1. Welcome
4
2. Introduction
6
3. How to run the course Using the DVDs Giving live talks
7 7 7
4. Structure of a typical evening session (for sessions 1–7)
9
5. Key ingredients Four tips for creating a great atmosphere
11 11
6. Quick checklist
13
7. Overview and timetable for each session Session 1 – Building Strong Foundations Session 2 – The Art of Communication Session 3 – Resolving Conflict Session 4 – The Power of Forgiveness Session 5 – The Impact of Family – Past & Present Session 6 – Good Sex Session 7 – Love in Action The Marriage Course Party Extra Session: Coping with Times of Separation
15 15 17 19 21 23 25 27 29 30
8. Suggested room set up
32
How to run the course The course is designed to be very easy to run, whether you give the talks live or use the DVDs. If it’s your first time running the course we would recommend using the DVDs as this means you can concentrate on hosting and creating the right atmosphere. Whichever way you decide to run the course, you will need to provide a guest manual for each person. These contain the exercises that the couples do during and after each session. The Marriage Course Leaders’ Toolkit is highly recommended for any leader or potential leader. It will give you lots of helpful tips and advice on getting going successfully. Using the DVDs All the sessions of the course are available on DVD. Nicky and Sila’s talks were filmed in a TV studio and each session includes street interviews from around the world, sofa couples (married couples talking about their experiences of marriage), and a feature couple who give a more in-depth interview on a particular topic. The DVDs indicate when to pause for an exercise break. You’ll also see the times of these listed in the timetable for each session on pages 15–31 of this guide.:
Top tip: Using the DVDs allows you to focus on hosting and creating a great atmosphere.
Giving live talks If you are giving the talks yourselves, the Leaders’ Toolkit is an invaluable resource. It includes: • speakers’ transcripts with guidance notes • fi lmed inserts (sofa couples, street interviews, and the feature couples) for you to include in your talks How to run the course | 7
• instructions in the transcript that indicate when each filmed insert should be shown NB: there are more “sofa couple” inserts for each session than you will have time to include if you are giving live talks. We’ve indicated in the transcript which inserts we consider the most helpful and which ones could be omitted. Preparation suggestions for live talks • watch the DVD of the particular session; you may also want to read the relevant section of The Marriage Book • decide who will do each section of the talk, ensuring that you both have a turn to speak • agree on what stories you are going to share from your own marriage • adjust the speakers’ transcripts (found on the CD-ROM of the Leaders’ Toolkit) adding illustrations from your own marriage
8 | How to run the course
Key ingredients Four tips for creating a great atmosphere A warm and welcoming environment is very important to the success of the course. It is essential that guests feel relaxed and that they are able to talk with their partner about sensitive issues; a great atmosphere ensures this is possible. (See Leaders’ Toolkit for more ideas.) 1. Choose the best venue The key is to find a location that allows you to create a welcoming atmosphere and serve a meal:
• if you have less than fi ve couples, a home is usually the best location • larger courses can be held in a church hall, restaurant, café after hours, hotel, etc. Even the most uninspiring room can be turned into a great venue with a little creativity.
2. Think romantic date night: intimate, cozy, special
• If the course is not held in a home and the space is uninspiring, fi nd someone who enjoys the challenge of transforming it to look welcoming, relaxed, and romantic. • Small tables for two, spaced suffi ciently far apart, are ideal as they give each couple a sense of privacy during discussion times. • Low lighting and soft background music during the meal and exercises help to create the “date night” atmosphere.
Top Tip: The Leaders’ Toolkit contains some recommended music to help create a great atmosphere and ensure couples’ conversations are not overheard. Key ingredients | 11
3. Provide food
• Serving a meal before the course gives guests the opportunity to unwind and catch up. It also means people can come straight from work without having to worry about eating before the course. • Meal timing—we recommend serving the main course at the start of each session. Coffee, tea, and a simple dessert can then be served during the long exercise break later in the evening.
4. Give great service
• Some couples worry about coming on The Marriage Course and it really helps to have a friendly team who go out of their way to make the guests feel welcome. • It’s a great idea if the leaders can help serve the coffee and tea in the long break. This helps show the couples that you care about them and that their relationship is important to you.
Top Tip: Tablecloths and adding a table napkin, a flower, and a candle adds a special touch and helps create a romantic restaurant feel.
12 | Key ingredients
“ The Marriage Course is fun, practical, and really easy to run” This guide is designed to be a quick reference for leaders of The Marriage Course. It will provide you with the necessary information for running each session. It covers: > > > > > >
How to run the course either using the DVDs or live talks The structure of a session Key ingredients for creating a great atmosphere Quick checklists Overview and timetable for each session Suggested room set-up
For more in-depth information on how to set-up, run, and publicize the course, please refer to the Leaders’ Toolkit.
NICKY & SILA LEE have been married for over thirty years and have four children. They are on the staff at Holy Trinity Brompton, London, UK. They have spoken to thousands on the subject of marriage and family life, co-authored The Marriage Book and The Parenting Book, and created The Marriage Course and The Marriage Preparation Course.
RELIGION / Christian Life / Love & Marriage ISBN ISBN:978-1-934564-56-1 978-1934564561
www.themarriagecourseusa.org www.themarriagecourse.ca
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© Alpha International 2009 Family Life Ministries
9 781934 564561