What did the physio say to the artist? Can you give your leg a sketch. What does the video cassette get when they hurt themselves? Video therapy What did the scarf say to the hat? You go ahead and I will hang around. You stay here and I will go on a head. What is the best time to go the dentist? Tooth hurty. What did the big tomato say to the little tomato? I will ketchup with you later.
A dustbin man went to see the film in a cinema? He thought it was a load of rubbish
Doctor Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains Pull yourself together
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side What do you call a man who does a lot of exercise? Gym.
What sort of a class do rubbish men do? Bin class.
What is the frog favourite drink? Croak a cola What did Anne Robinson say to the kitchen appliance? You are the weakest Sink…goodbye What do you call a man with a toilet on his head? Lou What do you call a woman with two toilets on her head? Lulu What’s a fruit’s favourite tv show? Who wants to be a million pear.
What’s a plumbers favourite game show? The leakest sink Why did the banana go to the doctor’s? Because he was not peeling well They are having a grape time What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. What do you call a dead deer with no eyes? Still no idea. What do you call a dead deer with no eyes on fire? Still no flaming idea
What does a cat do on the motorway? Mmeeeoooww
My dog use to chase people on a bicycle. So I took his bicycle away.
Doctor Doctor I feel like a pack of cards. I will deal with you later One bin comes home late and the big bin says where have you been? I’ve bin for a check up to see if I’m ok.
What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot
What do you call a man with a spade in his head? Doug Douglas Why can’t the bike stand up? It was two tired
What do you do if you drink and then you legs fall off? You’re legless What’s a pirate favourite letter? R
Where do you find a cow? Just where you left it.
The pen got a check-up over at the doctors? It was all write How does the penguin build a house? Igloos it together
A dog that does not feel well? He feels pawly A dog comes home late from his walk. You’re looking ruff and the cat was purrfect.
He put on a great purrformance
What sort of cars do pirates drive Jaguarrr Where do frogs hang their coats? The croak room What do you get when you push a piano down a shaft?
A flat miner Can I tell you a joke about paper. I can’t its tearable
The English man goes into the French restaurant and asks can I use the toilet? The waiter says oui.
New person at the bakers? What’s my roll? The baker got electrocuted when it stepped on a bun and the current ran up its leg. The man who stole lots of rhubarb
Was put into custardy
Did you hear the about the man who stole fireworks? He was let off. What do you call a Mexican with no car? Carlos
Why could the man not find his bike? He was bikelass Phil Collins jacket potato No jacket required I wouldn’t buy anything in Velcro It’s a rip off Did you hear about the Italian chef? He pasta way What do you give a sick lemon? Lemonade What do you get a deaf fish? A herring aid
What did one glue say to the other? We’ll have to stick together Why did the skeleton not go to the party? He had no body to go with What did the dog say to the answer machine?
Can you leave a message after the bone. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? He woke up. What’s a dog favourite instrument?
A trombone Its nice to meat you
Cello can I help you Did you hear the joke about butter? Don’t worry I shouldn’t spread it Why did the dog sunbathe on the beach? It was a Hot dog.
Specially republished for #InternationalJokeDay