“Webster’s Dictionary defines wedding as ‘the fusing of two metals with a hot torch.”
Postal Customer PRESORTED STANDARD US POSTAGE
Special April Fool s’ Day Edition
—Michael Scott
(not to be taken seriously)
PAID
ACTIVE MEDIA
Vol. I, No. 1 n A Fun, Independent Thinkin’ Paper n www.mountainthamesoregon.kom
April 2024
n JOKING WITH THE COMMUNITIES OF MOUNT HOOD n
Welches, Brightwood, Wemme, Wildwood, Zigzag, Rhododendron, Government Camp, Sandy and Boring
MOUNT HOOD MOVING TO JAPAN Mount Fuji Headed To America
Mt. Hood and Mt. Fuji preparing for “the ol’ switcharoo”. Photos courtesy of Wikipedia.
By Jake Fakey
For The Mountain Thames
In a move that has left geographers scratching their heads and mountaineers questioning their maps, an unprecedented swap deal has been struck between the sister communities of Mt. Fuji in Japan and Mt. Hood in the United States. Yes, you read that right — Mt. Fuji is packing its bags (or should we say, its rocky slopes?) and heading over to the Pacific Northwest for a change of scenery. In what can only be described as a monumental logistical puzzle, the iconic mountains will be disassembled, piece by piece, and packed into over-
sized shipping containers. It's a task that makes moving house look like child's play. While some may argue that Mt. Fuji is simply tired of being Japan's poster child and yearns for the laid-back vibes of Oregon, others speculate that it's all just a case of sibling rivalry gone wild. "Mt. Hood has always been envious of Mt. Fuji's status as a UNESCO World Heritage Site," one expert in mountain diplomacy quipped. "This is its chance to steal the spotlight." But what about the cultural significance, you ask? Fear not, dear reader, for every cherry blossom and Shinto shrine will be carefully cataloged and transported alongside the mountain.
It's like a giant game of Jenga, except instead of wooden blocks, we're dealing with sacred landmarks. Local residents are both excited and bewildered by the news. "I can't wait to wake up and see a new mountain outside my window," exclaimed one resident of Welches. "Although I hope they remembered to pack some wasabi for our sushi joints." Meanwhile, Japanese officials are scrambling to ensure that Mt. Hood arrives in Japan with all its majestic evergreen forests intact. "We can't have Mt. Hood feeling homesick now, can we?" chuckled a government spokesperson, while frantically searching for a manual on how to reassemble a moun-
tain. Environmentalists, however, are expressing concerns about the carbon footprint of shipping entire mountains halfway across the globe. "Surely there must be a more eco-friendly way to satisfy Mt. Fuji's wanderlust," remarked one activist, shaking their head in disbelief. As April Fool's Day approaches, the world watches with bated breath to see if this outlandish exchange will truly come to pass. In the meantime, let's all raise a glass (of sake or craft beer, take your pick) to the absurdity of it all. After all, life is too short not to embrace the occasional mountain-sized prank.
Interview With a Mountain Rescue Dog By Herbert Alfred The Mountain Thames
In the quirky mountain village of Welches, where the clouds dance with the trees and the snowflakes sing merry tunes, there exists a tradition as peculiar as a three-headed llama wearing a top hat: the annual April Fool's interview with the legendary St. Bernard mountain rescue dog, Sir Woofington. Sir Woofington is no ordinary pooch. With a majestic mane of fur that rivaled a lion's and a penchant for dramatic pauses that would make
Shakespeare blush, he was the canine embodiment of whimsy and heroism in Welches. And so, armed with a notepad and a healthy dose of skepticism, I set out to interview this esteemed four-legged philosopher. As I approached Sir Woofington's cozy mountain lair, adorned with banners of bones and squeaky toys, I couldn't help but feel a sense of anticipation mixed with a dash of absurdity. What pearls of wisdom would this noble beast impart upon me today? Would he share tales of daring rescues or perhaps enlighten me with
his thoughts on the meaning of life? Upon entering the lair, I was greeted by the sight of Sir Woofington reclining on a velvet cushion, a miniature barrel of whiskey hanging delicately from his black leather collar. With a regal nod, he signaled for me to begin the interview, his bushy eyebrows raised expectantly. "What was the most harrowing rescue you ever did?" I inquired, trying to maintain a straight face amidst the surreal spectacle. Sir Woofington let out a melodraSee RESCUE Page 2
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