: D D TE E N H IZ IO IG R T R HO BU PY T I O U TR C T A IS O D N R
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SMITTEN THE WAY of the
BRILLIANT FLIRT ARIEL KILEY & SIMONE KORNFELD
: D D TE E N H IZ IO IG R T R HO BU PY T I O U TR C T A IS O D N R
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CONTENTS INTRODUCTION 7 PART ONE:
UNVEILING YOUR LUMINE SCENCE Laying the Groundwork for Masterful Flirtation
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Chapter One
Flirtation’s Bedrock
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Chapter Two
Fundamentals of the Self-Realizing Flirt
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Chapter Three
The Look
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Chapter Four
The People
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Chapter Five
The Attitude
PART TWO:
THE WAY OF THE BRILLIANT FLIRT The 8 Earth-Shattering Flirtation Techniques
103 Flirtation Technique #1 The Quirky Question 110 Flirtation Technique #2 Unabashed Enthusiasm 117 Flirtation Technique #3 Revealing Intelligence 126 Flirtation Technique #4 Purely Pink 134 Flirtation Technique #5 Secret Thoughts 141 Flirtation Technique #6 Smutty Mouth 149 Flirtation Technique #7 Decisive Decisions 156 Flirtation Technique #8 A Second of Silence CONCLUSION 166
: D D TE E N H IZ IO IG R T R HO BU PY T I O U TR C T A IS O D N R FO
PART ONE
UNVEILING YOUR LUMINESCENCE
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Unveiling your Luminescence
: D D TE E N H IZ IO IG R T R HO BU PY T I O U TR C T A IS O D N R
We take our inspiration from the noble Mr. Norgay, for his remarkable skill and generous spirit in leading Sir Hillary up that treacherous mountain. For the remainder of the book, we invite you to think of us as your personal sherpas—your very own devoted, expert guides, committed solely to your safe and victorious arrival at the apex of your desires. Yet unlike the duo of 1953, our journey together will not lead us over the deadly glacial crevasses of a geographical giant but instead up to the bright peaks of self-discovery and all along the cool crests of flirtation mastery. Despite what you may have heard from various amateurish flirtation guides, effortlessly attracting men is no simple feat. You cannot achieve irresistibility through coy behavior or a put-on attitude any more than you can scale an 80-foot rock face using dental floss and a couple of key rings for carabineers. Squeezing into the outfit and spitting out the lingo does not a successful flirt make. In order to get from here to there, just as with any vital skill, there is a learning curve that must be courageously traversed—from the inside out. Your journey toward flirtation mastery begins here, with Part One. We start out by describing exactly how and why your authenticity is imperative to successful flirtation. Each subsequent chapter will introduce specific ideas and concepts that will assist you in discovering and discarding whatever might be inhibiting your happiness, healthiness, and sexiness. Throughout this section, we will encourage you to explore some long-held beliefs about yourself and closely examine your behavior with men. As you move through the upcoming chapters, some of the ideas and concepts you will encounter might at first seem too uncomfortable or unfamiliar to take on. But instead of hastily dismissing anything, we ask that you approach the task with the curiosity of an adventurer. Look, examine, listen, taste,
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LAYING THE GROUNDWORK FOR MASTERFUL FLIRTATION
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On the blustery Himalayan morning of May 29, 1953, New Zealand explorer, mountaineer, and wild man Edmund Percival Hillary awoke to confront one of mankind’s greatest challenges. That very day, he intended to become the first person ever to mount the summit of planet Earth’s highest peak—the grandest and mightiest of all molehills: Mount Everest. This, of course, was no easy feat. Though Hillary was an experienced and capable climber, he faced extraordinary unseen challenges. The subzero temperatures, forty-mile-an-hour wind gusts, and slippery frozen passes where one misstep could lead to a long deadly drop would be enough to send most of us trotting straight back to base camp. With those tremendously treacherous conditions, Hillary certainly deserved the knighthood he later received from the queen upon his victorious descent. Yet Sir Hillary had one crucial thing to help him overcome those extraordinary odds. More valuable than any ice pick, clampon, harness rope, or oxygen tank could ever be, he had a friend, a partner, a guide: Sherpa Tenzing Norgay. Sherpa Tenzing was well-versed in the complex terrain of Chomolungma, or “The Mother Goddess of the Earth.” Though he had never crested the summit, having been born and raised in the Himalayas, he was intimately familiar with the landscape of the region. He accompanied Hillary every perilous step of the way, making it possible for the Kiwi adventurer to realize his dream of becoming the first man to set foot on the roof of the world.
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We may need to pause along the path and point out particular sights to take in, give specific instruction for overcoming an obstacle, or share an idea that will provide some assistance. You can think of these stops as sweet little signposts or added supplements of support and encouragement. We call these pauses Sherpa Flashes, and you happen to be inside one right now. Trippy, huh?
: D D TE E N H IZ IO IG R T R HO BU PY T I O U TR C T A IS O D N R
SHERPA FLASH
CHAPTER ONE
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reflect. You are not obligated to permanently set up camp with any of these ideas or habits, but while high up in the mountains, you might as well sample what the land has to offer. No one really liked the dirty flavor of goji berries until they noticed they looked ten years younger after downing a few handfuls. Catch our drift? So as you move through each of the following chapters, maintain an open sense of exploration with your eye focused on the prize, and we guarantee your efforts will be rewarded. Now, we know you might be tempted to hail a helicopter for a quick lift over this next section, to get right to the flirtation techniques. We understand the allure, but it is only by taking this journey one step at a time that you will be able to truly master the techniques ahead. So do yourself a favor and walk before you run, because we don’t want you to pull any muscles later on. You are going to need every bit of endurance, strength, and dexterity that you are about to earn by completing Part One. Otherwise, you just won’t have the might to trigger the avalanche of male attention that lies in wait. All right, hot stuff. Boots laced, ponytail tightened, eye on that hunky tiger. Let’s do it.
FLIRTATION’S BEDROCK j
Just as a tree must have roots, a body is attached to feet, and a pyramid depends upon its quarried stone, so too is Smitten built on a foundation from which it cannot be separated. All ideas and concepts within the book emerge from this resilient base. The basis of the Smitten philosophy is, in fact, so firm, so reliable, and so unyielding that it has been deemed a law—the Law of Relationship. This pivotal law states: Every external relationship is based on the individual’s relationship to herself. This means that every relationship we engage in is a direct reflection of the quality of our inner relationship to ourselves. We reap what we sow. We are in a constant cycle of creating relationships that emulate all the aspects of how we treat ourselves— good, bad, and often quite ugly. Basically, whatever is happening in your inner world will show up in your outer relationships. This is the law. Meanwhile, each of your flirtations is like a mini relationship—a snapshot of the landscape, a taste of the treacle tart, a whiff of the whole enchilada. Just ten minutes of chitchat contains the same dynamics that will appear in a full-blown relationship. Thus the full weight of the Law of Relationship applies, completely, to flirtatious encounters as well.
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Flirtation’s Bedrock
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The self-realizing woman is the gal who continually prioritizes greater self-awareness and consciousness in her daily life. She is always on the lookout for opportunities to expand herself, her potential, and her world. She is on a never-ending mission to uncover her true nature because she trusts that at her core she is whole, beautiful, and flawless. She will bravely investigate her emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in order to better understand and ultimately free herself from those habits that cause her to
: D D TE E N H IZ IO IG R T R HO BU PY T I O U TR C T A IS O D N R
WHO IS THE SELF-REALIZING WOMAN?
suffer. She is forever peeling open aspects of her life that are not working in order to seek out healthier ways to live. She knows she is the authority of her own fate and is committed to living her highest purpose. Above all, the self-realizing woman is determined to honor her true self at any cost. And how do you know your true self? You will be happy to hear that your true self is not some embellished, highmaintenance version of you. It is not you in your “ideal body” or you with your ideal account balance. It is not your most praised accomplishment or most noteworthy accolade. It is not you with a doctorate, or you being hailed as the next Picasso. It is not the events that have made up your life story. Your true self is not your identity as a Christian, an atheist, or a yogi. It is not you renouncing all your worldly possessions or the you who vows to eat only wheat germ and organic fava beans in the name of saving the planet. The tricky thing about the true self is that it is so deep, so vast, so profound, and so pure that it is hard to get our simple little minds around it. Your true self can be described as your inner light, your higher consciousness, your wisdom mind, your authenticity, your life force, your essence, your source, the diamond in your pocket. . . . It is beyond your superficial identity but not separate from it. It is beyond conditioned fears and anxieties and beyond social constructs, but still includes them in its experience. Your true self is uncontainable and infinite and indestructible. Your true self is the divine one-life that animates everything in the universe, expressed exclusively through your being, through your life experience. Your true self is your inner life force that is forever seeking to evolve, just as all life does. It is the quiet instinct nudging you forward, pressing you to expand your vision and enhance your perspective. Your true self is what shines through in moments of pure joy—when you are stunned by
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Unfortunately, most of us have been misled to believe that others determine who, what, and how awesome we are, which gets us all tangled up in either trying to reach our goals of love and affection by pleasing others or by molding ourselves into something we are not. Yet, as you’ll come to understand, your personal self-image and feelings of self-worth are the actual determining factors in the relationships you attract and the way those relationships unfold. The Law of Relationship is proof that nobody has the power to deem you worthy, lovable, or cherished—but you. Whether you bask in the glow of admiration or dwell in a dungeon of detestation is in your hands. You are the sole authority of your internal state, and therefore the sole author of your romantic destiny. By following the Smitten way and learning to cultivate a compassionate, understanding, positive relationship with yourself, you will attract the same quality of attention from the men around you. So if you truly want to master the art of flirtation, you must first master the relationship you have with yourself, which means you must become a self-realizing woman.
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