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If one looks at the human being and our closest relative among the monkeys, we find that there is only one gene difference. There are differences in bone and body structure but not too many. Where the differences are huge is in the voice box of the monkey and human being. I think the evolution of the voice box really led to the evolution of the human species so that they could rise to be the dominant species on earth in spite of limited physical abilities. With the development of the voice – the spoken word and later the written word, ideas could be communicated, past experiences could be shared, new concepts could be developed. These ideas and experiences could be passed on from generation to generation leading to a shared history and culture. With new ideas and concepts the brain also developed. New ways of thinking, long term memory and racial memory developed. All these happened because humans learnt to speak. Team building developed. Communities developed. Some of these traits we share with other animals as well. Hunting predators are great at team work though it is restricted to a given situation. So too migratory birds show amazing team work in the way they handle the challenges of the flight. But, their skills are largely restricted to the situation. When it comes to human beings because they can communicate with each other, humans have developed team work over a range of situations. So, all this evolution to a great extent owes its evolution to the development of the voice box and the development of speech and communications. Communication is the key practically in every situation whether it is knowledge sharing, work, relationships, parenting, romance or in development work or political leadership. Even resolving conflict situations, whether a spat between people or a war between nations, it is a breakdown of communication and an attempt at resetting the dialogue. Communication is too broad a topic to be covered in one article or even a few articles but we can certainly look at some fundamental principles. These have not been discovered by me but by several teachers and masters, some are being presented here.
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The Art of Communication
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Principle 1 - Intention = Expression = Understanding The intention always belongs to the speaker who wants to convey the intention that is in the mind. That has to be equal to the expression resulting in the listener’s understanding. If we pay attention to this principle, we will not have to say, ‘Sorry, I did not mean that’. Why? Because you are going to ensure that you are expressing what you intend. Sure, there can be some entropy in thinking. By the time the thought comes to your lips and expression, there can be some loss. Once you are aware of that, you are more careful in the way you will express. So, Intention has to be equal to expression. Similarly I listen in such a manner that I understand what the other person is speaking. So, listening involves my total attention. I have to be there with the speaker and not let my own thoughts, my own ideas, my own concepts disturb or distort what I am hearing. A lot of frameworks with self awareness have been developed such that my intention is equal to expression. Likewise, a lot of listening techniques have been developed so that I can listen well without distorting what I am hearing. But, all these techniques have this underlying principle that what I intend to say is deliberately, consciously expressed. And when I listen, I am totally present so that there is no distortion. To listen, I keep my wishing, willing and wanting aside. For instance if you want to compliment someone, be clear and honest – ‘You look beautiful in this dress.’ Don’t say – ‘You are looking hot.’ It is vague. Don’t let vagueness come into your expression. Similarly, when you listen, listen to what is being said without interpreting and asking a thousand questions. ‘Does it mean he is interested in me?” It is possible he is interested but understand what is happening and accordingly respond. Principle 2 - Try to understand the other person before you make yourself understood. This principle is more of an attitude which reflects in behaviour. This is a very
World Yoga Festival 2021 - Official Programme
important principle that Stephen Covey highlights across his book. Why is this principle important? If both of you make yourself understood that means you both are trying to seek understanding from the other person. None of you are listening! Not much understanding will be developed. If you try to understand the other person, the other person at least feels understood, validated. Chances are very good that the other person also will try to understand you. If there is understanding on both sides there are enough grounds to move forward in the relationship whether personal or professional. If this principle is not there will be a lot of talking at cross purposes without really understanding each other. However if one person can step back and listen to the other, then there is some ground for understanding and moving forward. With the newfound understanding half the job of communication is done. One can move forward to what is mutually acceptable and mutually agreeable. Or one can say,’ You have a better point’, I can agree with you on that.’ Or the other person may say the same. Listening is very important. Most of us are poor listeners. We are bursting with what we have to say. Of course, this can lead to a funny situation where both are waiting for the other to talk. But that is rare. Anyone can initiate and ask the other person for his or her view point. Effective Communication leads to a greater connection and working together. One of the biggest complaints I hear all over the world is ‘No one understands me.’! This is because we have consciously or subconsciously decided that understanding another person is agreeing with him/her. And hence, Principle 3 - Understanding is not equal to agreement. It is only after we choose to understand that we can choose to agree or disagree with the person. Once this is clear we are free to understand others in personal or professional relationships. We are free to listen and understand anyone and everyone
