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OPINION
34
OPINION Opinion
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No matter how hard it is, learn to let it go BY DAVID LEIBOWITZ
Tribune Columnist
One of my dear friends, a mentor throughout my to survive whatever life threw at him. Now, almost 60 years later, he had a different perspective: He was no longer that and I will never cross paths in the world. You know me only from my columns, which I assure you is a distorted view of I cared, how proud I was to be his son? These questions still gnaw at me 18 months later, weighing down like heavy adult life, shocked me a few days ago with a confession.
He is in his seventies now, among the wisest humans I know, an oracle of smart advice people pay vast sums to hear. The subject of one of his books arose – a self-help title that is on my bookshelf in a place of honor – and his face grew sullen.
“I wish I had never written it,” he told us. “I wish I had never told that story.”
The story concerns his being shot in Vietnam. He was 19 years old, 9,000 miles from home with his guts exposed, courtesy of three enemy bullets. Once, that tale was a pillar of his storytelling arsenal, a testament to his ability person, and had not been for decades, almost since the moment he was shot. Rather than set down that story for the world to chew over, he wished instead he had made peace with the moment and moved on, as he has made peace with every tribulation ever since, including a stroke that has made walking difficult. His message to us was simple, but supremely wise – which is why I am passing it along to you. “We need to let go of what’s bothering us and move on,” I wrote in my notebook. “Will you let challenges steal all the joy from you? Or will you let go, get over it and move on?” Chances are good, dear reader, that you who I am. On this page, I offer some opinions, a few tales, but not much at all about the kind of man I am. Which, frankly, suits me fine. Because the truth is, I have shamed myself many times in my life, because I have failed to do right in moments that were difficult. These failures are things I have carried with me no less tangibly than my wallet and car keys – and they’re much harder to lose. An example: Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my father, who died in March last year in a strange hospice bed. I was 2,000 miles away when he passed, not there to hold his hand, not there to tell him one more time that I loved him. His mind was gone by then, and his body, too, addled by dementia, wracked with Parkinson’s disease. Did I do enough for him? Did he understand in those final moments how much stones. This is the way I have come to define myself – as a bad son, selfish, broken in some profound way. My friend’s life was shaped by his great grandma, who in the days before her death exhorted him to get over her loss immediately and not one moment later. How long will you mourn me, she demanded? Three weeks, he suggested – because what do you say to such a question? She scoffed. “Life is for the living,” his great grandma insisted. “Life is for the living.” Somewhere out there, one of you is carrying the Sisyphean weight of shame. Take it from someone who knows: Let it go, move on. We are never who we were once forever. Stories define us until they no longer do. Life is for the living, so live.
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LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Knows who he’s voting for in today’s Foothills elections
The Foothills Community Assn HOA Annual Volunteers for Board of Directors meeting is coming today, Sept. 7, at 6 p.m. Residents should have a link to the GoToMeeting in your email inbox or Junk folder.
I will be the moderator and we have nine homeowners vying for four positions. Let me first say I am thrilled to see this number of volunteers.
Many of our Homeowners have little contact with the HOA Board and don’t follow the changes that are put in place. I have been on the board for one year working closely with Rob Doherty.
In so doing, I have learned that he quietly puts in untold hours doing background research, for example, on the hard drive he found which is full of past HOA events. He has been able to establish a history of post decisions and positions to present the best path forward.
So, if you want someone who is knowledgeable, polite to a fault and leads with a desire to improve and maintain our HOA, I would choose him over anyone. Vote for Rob Doherty, I will.
-George Lemley
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