I recently asked my boys what kindness means. My 6-year-old said, “We need to be kind so people will be nice to us and we can have friends.” My 5-yearold said, “I don’t hit or push my friends because I want to turn kindergarten into “kinder” garten.” Later that day, I got a call from the school office because he had pushed someone on the playground. I decided to talk to some real experts on the topic.

“Kindness is different from niceness,” says Christina P. Kantzavelos, a local Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), life coach and writer. “Niceness is often about pleasing others or avoiding conflict, while kindness is rooted in compassion, genuine care and a willingness to act for another person’s well-being.”

Kindness is not just about politeness or surface-level gestures. It’s a deliberate practice, and one of the most powerful tools we can give kids.

Why Being Kind Matters More Than Ever

Kids are growing up in a world where differences are not being honored and celebrated.

“We’re living in a particularly challenging and divisive time, and we are not privy to seeing kindness modeled at the highest levels,” says Deborah J. Cohan, Ph.D. “It’s up to parents, teachers and other mentors to show children the ripple effect of one kind gesture or comment.”

When kids participate in acts of generosity and helpfulness, they build skills to form strong friendships, navigate conflict and contribute positively to their communities.

“Children raised in environments where kindness is valued often develop stronger social skills, resilience and empathy,” says Jill McManigal, cofounder and executive director of local organization Kids for Peace. “They tend to form positive relationships, show emotional intelligence, and grow into leaders who inspire cooperation and understanding.”

Five Ways to Teach Kids Kindness

Understanding the importance of kindness is one thing. But how do we actually teach it? Children don’t need lectures; they need examples, encouragement and opportunities to practice kindness every day.

Start early and model it. Parents are a child’s first teachers. Modeling kindness lays an important foundation. We recently were at Disneyland after the half-marathon. We encouraged our boys to say “Congrats!” to anyone they passed wearing a race bib and medal. At first, they were hesitant; but after seeing how happy it made race participants, the boys loved it!

Soon, they were spotting finishers and offering congratulations on their own. That simple act demonstrated how little gestures brighten someone’s day.

“Children learn by observing the adults around them,” McManigal says. “Small actions—saying thank you, offering compliments, helping a neighbor or staying patient during stressful moments—leave a lasting impression.”

Parents and teachers can encourage activities like taking turns, working together, treating others the way you want to be treated, and role-playing how to respond when someone feels sad or needs help.

Help kids connect actions to feelings. Modeling is powerful, but kids also need help understanding how their behavior affects those around them.

“It’s important to teach kids about feelings and how what we do affects others,” says Jami Kirkbride, a licensed professional counselor and parenting coach. “Teaching emotional vocabulary helps kids understand their own emotions and those of others. That’s how they learn to respond kindly—in how they speak, act and react.”

Talk to kids about what they observe when they’re kind to others or how it makes them feel when they experience a kind gesture. This helps them connect behavior to feelings.

Reframe mistakes as learning opportunities. Even the kindest kids mess up. They’ll push a friend, say something hurtful or forget to share. But these moments are full of potential.

“Kindness is not automatic; it is an active, intentional choice,” McManigal says. “By noticing someone who’s struggling, offering a helping hand or forgiving a mistake, parents show that kindness requires thought, selfdiscipline and moral strength.”

Instead of scolding, pause and talk it through. Ask kids, “How do you think your friend felt? What could you do differently next time?” Practicing responses, such as offering a toy or saying “I’m sorry,” helps kids build real life skills.

When we treat mistakes as learning opportunities, kids see that kindness isn’t about being perfect. It’s about trying again and making better choices. Teach them to be kind to themselves. Kindness isn’t just about how kids treat others.

“True kindness includes being kind to yourself—recognizing your needs, setting healthy boundaries and respectfully saying no when necessary,” McManigal says.

Discuss real-life examples and roleplay to help kids see that standing up for themselves isn’t mean, it’s part of treating everyone with respect, including themselves.

Make kindness a daily habit. Kindness becomes second nature when it’s part of daily life. Hold open the door for people. Say thank you. Lend a hand. Point out opportunities to be kind throughout the day.

Kids for Peace offers resources and projects like the Great Kindness Challenge: www.kidsforpeaceglobal.org.

Whether it’s reading relevant bedtime stories or participating in spontaneous acts of generosity, these moments add up. Over time, kindness becomes a way of life. Teaching it requires consistency and patience, but the payoff is big. Kids grow into more empathetic, confident and resilient adults.

Find simple acts of generosity in the article “41 Random Acts of Kindness: How to Make the World a Better Place” at www.sandiegofamily.com.

If you want kind kids, start early, model it often and show yourself kindness along the way. The more compassion we show in our own lives, the more our kids will carry it into theirs—and into the world. v

Maile Timon is a copywriter and content strategist. She lives in Poway with her husband and sons. When she’s not writing, she enjoys CrossFit training, hiking and spending time with family.