For Better or Worse, In Sickness and Sexy time I WAS ON THE YOUNGER END OF MY BREAST CANCER DIAGNOSIS. I WAS TWENTY SEVEN, HAD A ONE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER, AND MARRIED TO AN AMAZING MAN. OUR LIFE WAS IN THE INFANCY OF THE WORDS WE VOWED TO EACH OTHER ON OUR WEDDING DAY FOUR YEARS PRIOR.
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or better or worse, in sickness and in health. Of course we were hoping sickness and the worst of times would not be on the five year plan of our marriage. Having a new baby is taxing on romance and “sexy time” but add in a disease that takes the most feminine parts of you. You definitely don’t feel prepared to handle the helm of your body that feels foreign and unfamiliar. John Mayer definitely didn’t name his song correctly when he said, Your Body is a Wonderland” Because, girl, there is no feeling of wonderment when your body has been ravaged by cancer and copious amounts of medications.
No one prepares you to feel unattractive and undesirable. Drains, weight gain, muscle loss, grey skin, bad breath. Now let’s take into account the side effects of some cancer treatments including pain during intercourse, loss of sex drive, vaginal dryness, loss of sensation, and of course fatigue. This sounds 40
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like an amazing recipe for “Sexy time” Doesn’t it?
feel about your body post cancer diagnosis.
According to a recent study an estimated 90 percent of the 6 million female cancer warriors in the United States suffer from intimacy issues. This is a difficult topic, that is often a question I receive in my inbox. Why are we so afraid of having these conversations? Sex isn’t an evil word, nor should it be seen that way. Intimacy is a beautiful and natural part of a relationship and when your body feels foreign, sex can as well.
I was so disgusted with my body, I lived in velour tracksuits, in the dead of summer heat to hide the way I looked. I wouldn’t set foot into a clothing store, let alone buy something to help make me feel sexy. Until an August day, the hottest day of the summer, when my husband’s car broke down and I had to drive in the velour tracksuit with no AC, I had an epiphany. I was so miserable with being miserable I knew I needed to change it. The next day I entered a plus size store for the first time. Greeted by a sales woman who was more than happy to help my lost soul search for clothes. As I entered the dressing room on the verge of tears trying on outfits, the sales woman asked me to step outside the dressing room so she could see. Little by little my confidence was being built by a woman I had just met. She honestly had no idea how much she helped me that day.
For my husband and I, we had a very active sex life before cancer. I’m not embarrassed to say it, as a matter of fact I am proud of it. Sex is such a taboo topic for a lot of people, and we are often made to feel insecure about it. Which is why it is so difficult to have these discussions with our health care team and often our partner. It’s very personal and it’s different for everyone. As is the course of treatment and how you
