P A R E N T I N G
HELPING YOUR KIDS ADJUST TO A NEW BABY The lives and routines of children and teens are dramatically changed when a new baby sibling arrives. Here we look at some pointers to help them adjust to the family member.
The lives of most children or teens involve routine, structure and established inter-family dynamics and relationships including their relationship with you and the time they’re used to having with you. However, when a new baby comes home, both mother and baby (and of course dad!) have very important and specific needs, and as a result your children and teens may react with excitement, happiness, nervousness, jealousy or even anger. So how do you help them adjust to life with a new baby in the house? The best way is to involve your children with their new sibling right from the start, which will help them to adjust more quickly. Talk to them about how they want to be involved with the baby, but make sure you are still able to spend one-onone time with your older kids to maintain the strength of your relationship.
COMMON SIBLING FEELINGS TOWARDS A NEW BABY School-age children will typically have strong feelings about the new family structure which might include: ✔ Being initially happy and excited about having a tiny baby to help care for, but are soon disappointed because the reality of a newborn is different from their idea of what it would be like ✔ Jealous because literally overnight, your main priority is the new baby and your child or children will suddenly feel they have to share or compete for your attention ✔ Irritated and resentful because the new baby cries a lot, disrupts their sleep, creates extra chores, or means they have to wait for your help or attention ✔ Excluded or not as important to you, if you can’t give them as much attention as they’re used to getting from you ✔ Embarrassed - especially if they’re teenagers and the only ones among their friends with a newborn sibling
36 | DECEMBER 2021 | MOTHER, BABY & CHILD
All children have to make adjustments when a new baby joins the family. If your older child’s initial reaction to the baby isn’t positive, it might help to know that positive sibling relationships often take time to develop. If you can make this a positive and exciting time, your child will feel that the change is about everybody in the family and not just about the new baby. You could highlight the things you love about your children and the important contribution they make to the family – for example, ‘You make the best chocolate cake in the family!’
INVOLVING YOUR TODDLER WITH THE NEW BABY It’s good for you and your husband to talk with your child about being involved with the new baby - and you can start these conversations even before the baby is born. Your toddler might like to get involved by: ✔ Passing you the things you need to give the baby a bath or nappy change ✔ Singing a song to the baby or playing peekaboo ✔ Reading the baby a story ✔ Sharing bath time ✔ Playing gently with the baby ✔ Having lots of pictures taken with them and the new baby, and displaying them so they can take pride in seeing themselves as a big brother or sister. When your toddler wants to get involved, lots of praise will help your child feel good about helping and encourage them to do it again. If your child isn’t interested in helping, try waiting for a few days and then asking again. Let your toddler regularly overhear you talking to the new baby about how lucky s/he is to have such an amazing big
