Ask Flora

WRITTEN BY FLORA MCCORMICK

In this column, you can ask your questions about parenting kids from ages 2 to 10 to Flora McCormick, Licensed Counselor & Parenting Coach.

Q: Every time I plan something to do for myself (with friends, or an art class), the kids beg me not to leave the house, and even sometimes cry. Is this a sign that they need more time with me and I should stay home, or that they need to learn they can be OK with dad and I don’t have to be there every second?

A: First, I want to celebrate that you are seeking ways to take care of yourself. And it is super common to have the kids pull at your heartstrings and make you feel like you are being a bad mom. But here’s the truth: Reclaiming your passions isn’t a luxury, it’s a gift that can actually benefit the whole family.

Three Reasons Why Pursuing your Passion Directly Benefits Your Child

1. Hobbies show our kids healthy ways to unwind

One of the most powerful reasons to keep up with your hobbies is to show kids healthy ways to cope with stress. If our children only see us collapsing on the couch to binge TikTok or drinking three glasses of wine to relax…is that the example we want to set? Or is it better for our kid to have us always at home and then snap at them because we are drowning in parental exhaustion, drained from never having a moment to ourselves? Is that really worth staying at home?

On the flip side, when our kids see us dancing, running, painting or gardening, they’re learning emotion-regulation, joy-creation and intentionally healthy ways to relieve stress. Just as we encourage kids to try sports or music as a way to express themselves, modeling our own hobbies shows them that hobbies can be a lifelong tool for self-care.

2. Hobbies remind our kids that we’re REAL people

This is a way for kids to remember that their parents are not just robots who drive to school, have jobs and make dinner. When your children see you engaged in something that lights you up — whether it’s dancing, writing poetry or trying something new — they get to know you as the unique amazing YOU that you are. And I think that adds so much to our relationship with our kids, and gives them an example of how they can celebrate and enjoy the amazing person THEY are. Every fall I participate in a dance show with indepenDance (so fun—check it out, Bozeman-area mamas!), where I shake my butt a lot and confidently take to the stage, challenging myself. And even though the practice season is not always my kids’ favorite time of the year (less mom-time during those nights), they get to see me as a passionate, interesting person.

3. Hobbies teach our kids they aren’t the center of the universe

The third and often surprising benefit of hobbies is that they teach kids the world doesn’t revolve around them. This may sound harsh, but it’s actually a key part of raising resilient kids.

When you take time for your passions, your children see that family life is about give and take. Sometimes that means you sacrificing time to sit in the parking lot while they do gymnastics. Or sometimes it looks like them finding an activity in the waiting room while you finish your class. These moments build patience and empathy. They are moments where your kids get to grow, and isn’t that what parenting is all about?

So, friend — parenting often feels like a balancing act, and it’s easy to think that setting aside time for yourself takes away from your kids. But the truth is, when you nurture your passions, you model balance, confidence and resilience. You show them healthy ways to release stress, remind them that you’re a real person and teach them the power of mutual respect.

To get more sanity-saving strategies for parenting young kids, join Flora’s Free Facebook Group: Sustainable Parenting. Questions for the next issue or wins/questions from this issue can be submitted to contactflora@gmail.com. A special thank you to those who submit monthly questions.