Standing in the Tension: Why Great Leaders Don't Just Keep the Peace

By Kym Krey

In the hairdressing industry, we pride ourselves on being ‘people’ people. Whether it’s delivering incredible salon experiences, or building an exceptional team, our greatest asset isn’t our technical or creative skills; it’s our people.

Every salon owner I know works incredibly hard to create a workplace culture that’s upbeat, kind, and positive and prides themselves on being very generous to their team, but here’s the truth: creating a positive culture doesn’t mean that you avoid difficult conversations to keep the peace. And it certainly doesn’t mean being everyone’s friend.

If you’re leading a team, you’ve been entrusted with something much bigger than just making the day run smoothly. You’ve been entrusted with each employee’s growth and development; both personal and professional. Their future is in your hands and they’re in your business for a reason; they want to leave you one day far better, far more skilled and far more confident than they were when they came. That is your personal mission.

That tension that you feel when an employee isn’t performing, when you notice that standards are slipping, or when someone’s behaviour is quietly disrupting the team? That tension is a gift. It’s an invitation to lead and to define your future. But so often, we avoid it, believing that positivity means avoiding conflict and that accountability is somehow at odds with kindness. We tell ourselves that we don’t want to cause confrontation, that they’ll only get upset and we don’t want to be ‘that’ kind of boss (You know, that mean, bossy, micro-managing ogre!).

We convince ourselves we’re ‘being nice’ when really, we’re being passive and avoidant. We stay silent, hoping the problem will magically resolve itself, or we try to overcompensate with positivity or mis-used incentives (“Will you do it if I give/pay you this?”), all the while watching performance crash and relationships deteriorate.

Here’s the truth that strong leaders understand growth doesn’t happen without discomfort.

Whether you’re coaching an emerging stylist, defining expectations for a new receptionist, or guiding a senior team member who’s lost their spark … or being downright disruptive, your role is to hold the vision of who they could become and who you need them to be - even when they can’t see it yet themselves. That means being willing to stand in the discomfort of tough conversations. It means calling someone up, not out. It means separating being liked from being respected.

Standing in the tension is not about creating conflict - it’s about creating clarity. It’s about saying the thing that needs to be said, kindly and directly. It’s about making space for accountability and growth, not blame or shame, and not reducing your standards and expectations to meet their comfort zone.

When done well, these moments can become turning points in a team member’s development. What you often fear will be a breakdown in the relationship becomes exactly the breakthrough you needed. They’re the conversations people look back on years later and say, “That was the moment everything changed for me. I needed that.”

So if you feel the pull to avoid the awkwardness, remember this: You’re not here just to make people feel good. You’re here to help them become good – no, become excellent- at what they do. You’re here to build the future version of them that they would be proud of.

The best leaders are the ones who are willing to be uncomfortable for the sake of someone else’s growth. So that means that even if they don’t understand why your decision is necessary, whether it’s the need to correct prices, require a non-refundable booking fee, or stop them continually stretching out appointments without also increasing the price, you know that you need to do it anyway, because you understand why it’s important for the business.

Of course, you will continue to explain and train, hoping that one day, they may understand, (we forget that they’re in a much earlier stage of their career with far less experience/understanding and looking at this through the eyes of an employee) but even if they never do, you’re not asking their permission to make this decision (i.e. ‘But my staff won’t do it!’), you’re informing your team of the direction you need to take and how you’re going to approach it.

You’re driving this ship.

You’re responsible for the success of this business and the growth of this team.

You’re the one who must have the courage to make this decision and have the conversation.

So stand in the tension.

Your team, and your culture, will be better for it. In fact, it’s the only way they ever will.

Kym Krey is one of the industry’s most trusted voices, being an exceptional specialist business coach and leadership mentor. She’s been where you are and has the runs on the board to help you get real results. If you’re ready to turn your business around, become a better leader, take that next big leap, or scale to a milliondollar turnover and beyond, get in touch: kym@kymkrey.com.au; @kymkrey or www. kymkrey.com.au