DEAR KIKI
D
ear Kiki, My husbandâs grandmother, who I have a great relationship with, is very susceptible to sharing fake news she finds on the internet. Fortunately itâs not usually anything too politically divisiveâin her case itâs more often to be bunk science, misattributed historical quotes, etc. The problem I find myself in is that I want to honor her attempts to connect with me when she sends me messages with this content, but itâs difficult for me to figure out what to say because what sheâs sharing with me is often so obviously fake. Should I try to educate her when she sends me content thatâs BS? Is ignorance bliss so long as itâs (relatively) harmless? ââAbraham Lincoln
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ear Abe, Itâs wonderful that you and your husbandâs grandmother have what you call âa great relationship.â Those can be hard to come by later in life, as friends start to become distant or pass away. You donât say how old your husbandâs grandmother is, but if not just her children but her grandchildren are old enough to have moved on to lives of their own, she may be lacking in connection. Ignorance is not bliss, but neither are loneliness or hostility. Connecting deeply with someone of another generation can sometimes be challenging, but youâre right to try. However, you may not be going about it the right way. You say she reaches out to you with this âbunk science,â etc. What did you last reach out to her about? The best way to honor her attempts to connect with you is to attempt to connect with herânot just by responding to her outreach, but by initiating your own. What movies and books can you discuss with her? Who are her favorite artists or sports teams? Can you take her shopping or visit her for tea? Evolving your conversation and connection past fake news benefits both of you, and your relationship with each other, in multiple ways. First, if you have other things to discuss, these things that make you uncomfortable will come up far less often. You can, if you want, simply ignore them and allow her that ignorance. But more importantly, if your communication involves more than just BS, you can call her out on the BS, without feeling like
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youâre disrespecting her. If that type of content is only a fraction of your interactions, you can correct her or otherwise educate her without that being all your conversation ever boils down to. Abe, you might find out that sheâs only sending you these things because she thinks
IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS, BUT NEITHER ARE LONELINESS OR HOSTILITY. CONNECTING DEEPLY WITH SOMEONE OF ANOTHER GENERATION CAN SOMETIMES BE CHALLENGING, BUT YOUâRE RIGHT TO TRY.
you appreciate or believe them. Or you may end up saving her from falling further down the rabbit hole, past misattributed quotes into the more dangerous misinformation. And you might just find a truly valuable friendship that benefits both of you in ways you canât even predict. Ultimately, her status as your husbandâs grandmother only matters inasmuch as itâs why you value the relationship. Grandmother is a role, not an identity. This may be self-evident and I donât mean to be glib, but she is a whole person who should be treated as such. Donât let her age confuse your obligation to treat others with dignity. Donât coddle her or be didactic; just treat her as you would anyone whose friendship you value. xoxo, Kiki
KIKI WANTS QUESTIONS! Questions about love and sex in the Iowa CityâCedar Rapids area can be submitted to dearkiki@littlevillagemag.com, or anonymously at littlevillagemag.com/ dearkiki. Questions may be edited for clarity and length, and may appear either in print or online at littlevillagemag.com. LITTLEVILLAGEMAG.COM/LV301 December 2021 87
