Living with children

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The best advice is from Heaven

Taylor Kovar

you’re used to, but that’s the only way to turn things around and stop feeling the financial dread you’re currently experiencing. You can also shop wisely - using 2-for-1 deals and homemade gifts that help you save. Generosity is a wonderful thing, but you can’t let it put you in the red.

Gwen

Any tips for surviving Thanksgiving and Christmas without going broke? -

Hey Gwen

- I sympathize completely. We want our holiday seasons to be full of joy, and yet this time of year is absolutely treacherous when it comes to finances. You have to bite the bullet on certain expenses, but you can find a few ways to cut costs and come out ahead. Here are the three main areas of concern.

Travel. If you fly to see family for either Thanksgiving or Christmas, you can’t really escape the price of plane tickets. Thanksgiving hosts the two most expensive travel days of the year - the Wednesday before and the Sunday after - so avoiding those days will make at least some difference. Christmas isn’t much better unless you choose to fly on Christmas Day or Christmas Eve. The best solutions are to travel on unconventional days, rack up miles during the year, and buy your tickets about one month before you fly. When it comes to sales sites, I really like CheapOair.com. I’ve had success finding cheap flights all over the country with this site, even during busy travel times.

Gifts. Do you make a list of who you need to buy for before you create a holiday budget? If so, you need to flip your process. Figure out how much you can spend and then break it down to see how much you can afford per person. If you have a lot of debt, it might require less gift-giving than

Incidentals. Most people don’t realize how much unnecessary spending happens as a result of all the necessary holiday purchases. After a trip to the mall, you’ll be well aware of the $300 you spent on toys and electronics. However, the $20 you dropped on coffee and lunch might slip out of your brain. With all the time off from work and disruption to your routine, you can drop $500 on food and gas and movies without blinking an eye. If you can fight these spending urges, you’ll save a ton of money over the next two months.

I’ve got a few more tricks for holiday savings in my Thanksgiving post at GoFarWithKovar.com. The more you plan ahead, the less terrifying the holidays will be.

Taylor Kovar, CEO of Kovar Capital. Read more about Taylor at GoFarWithKovar.com

Disclaimer: Information presented is for educational purposes only and is not an offer or solicitation for the sale or purchase of any specific securities, investments, or investment strategies. Investments involve risk and, unless otherwise stated, are not guaranteed. Be sure to first consult with a qualified financial adviser and/or tax professional before implementing any strategy discussed herein. To submit a question to be answered in this column, please send it via email to Question@GoFarWithKovar.com, or via USPS to Taylor Kovar, 415 S 1st St, Suite 300, Lufkin, TX 75901.

Local high school football playoffs

6A Division I, Region II

Allen (10-0) vs Sachse (8-2), 7 p.m. Friday at Allen’s Eagle Stadium

Wylie (6-4) vs Prosper (8-2), 7 p.m. Friday at Wylie’s Wylie Stadium

6A Division II, Region I

Denton Guyer (9-1) vs Hebron (8-2), 7:30 p.m. Friday at Prosper’s Children’s Health

Stadium

Class 5A Division I, Region II

Highland Park (9-1) vs Frisco Wakeland (5-5), 7:30 p.m. Friday at Highland Park’s

Highlander Stadium

McKinney North (9-1) vs Magnolia West (5-5), 7 p.m. Friday at McKinney’s

McKinney ISD Stadium

5A Division II, Region II

Denton Braswell (9-1) vs Corsicana (7-3), 7:00 p.m. Friday at Denton’s Collins Athletic Complex

Frisco (9-1) vs Greenville (6-4), 7:00 p.m. Thursday at Frisco’s Ford Center

4A Division I, Region II

Carrollton Ranchview (9-1) vs Celina (6-4), 7:30 p.m. Friday at Denton’s Bronco

Stadium Melissa (7-3) vs Wilmer-Hutchins (6-4), 7:30 p.m. Friday at Grapevine’s Mustang-

Panther Stadium

3A Division I, Region II

Pottsboro (10-0) vs Kemp (3-7), 7 p.m. Thursday at McKinney’s McKinney ISD

Stadium

Van Alstyne (6-4) vs Dallas Life Oak Cliff (8-2), 7:30 p.m. Friday at Richardson’s

Eagle-Mustang Stadium

Malakoff (9-1) vs Commerce (4-6), 7:30 p.m. Friday at Terrell’s Memorial Stadium

Dallas Madison (8-2) vs Emory Rains (6-4), 7:30 p.m. Friday at Mesquite’s Hanby

Stadium

The myth of the first three years has it that whatever habits, traits, dysfunctions and so on that a child develops during this admittedly formative period are going to stay with him for life. That is not necessarily so. For example, Romanian orphans that had suffered severe emotional and physical neglect during infancy and toddlerhood recovered fully after being placed with American families. When put in play groups with American-born kids who were living with biological parents, they could not be identified reliably. The adoption-babblers have a difficult time explaining that, by the way.

John Rosemond

understand that – to employ a paraphrase – children do not thrive on love alone. Children need authority. They benefit greatly from having to accept that what their parents tell them to do, they must do, not because of reward or punishment, but simply because the Big People say so.

“Does that mean, John,” a mother recently asked, “that I shouldn’t give my teenager reasons for my decisions and instructions?”

Nonetheless, the third birthday is a parenting “hump” of sorts. Pre1960s parents understood that the so-called “terrible twos” were just that: to wit, an eighteen-month developmental period (roughly between eighteen and thirty-six months) marked by tantrums, defiance, violent outbursts and other anti-social behaviors. During this same period, it is essential that effective disciplinary precedents be set such that the terrible twos do not become the terrifying threes, frightful fours, fearsome fives, shocking sixes and so on (the nauseating nineteens?).

Behavior problems not resolved by the third birthday (or thereabouts) are going to be increasingly challenging for both parents and child. The parents are now behind the curve concerning the discipline of the child, and the further behind the curve they fall, the more difficult it will be for them to establish their authority. For the child, the further and faster the proverbial snowball of his misbehavior rolls downhill, the more havoc it plays with his emotional health. Good research confirms what common sense verifies: Disobedient kids are not happy campers.

Parents who come to me for help saying, “My kid is driving me crazy” want me to fix the problem for their benefit, to prevent them further emotional toll. But the emotional toll of the problem is being visited primarily upon the child. He’s being denied the right to a happy childhood by parents who love him deeply but don’t

3A, Division II, Region II

A child’s age does not determine when it’s time for parents to begin explaining themselves. The prerequisite to explanation is obedience. You cannot explain a child into obedience, but once obedience has taken root and is flourishing, you can venture the occasional explanation. I say occasional because obedient children do not generally ask for explanations. They are content without them; besides, they’re usually able to figure them out on their own.

A parent’s love should be BIG and unconditional, but if it isn’t balanced with equally BIG, unambiguous authority, it’s most accurately termed enabling codependence. Likewise, if authority is BIG but love is weak and small, authority isn’t authority at all; it’s abuse of one form or another.

The “trick” of this is letting the monster-in-the-making know, early on, when the monster first makes its appearance, that he will not be allowed to let his dark side rule either himself or the people he lives with. The formula can be expressed this simply: The child NEVER gets anything even close to what he wants when he misbehaves; rather, when he lets his monster off the leash, he loses things he doesn’t want to lose for memorable stretches of time. A child’s covetous nature can be used to everyone’s advantage.

Some children get it quickly. Others, not so much. Which is why a sense of humor always helps.

Family psychologist John Rosemond: johnrosemond.com, parent guru.com.

John Rosemond has worked with families, children, and parents since 1971 in the field of family psychology. In 1971, John earned his masters in psychology from Western Illinois University and was elected to the Phi Kappa Phi National Honor Society.

Gunter (9-1) vs Tolar (5-5), 7 p.m. Thursday at Springtown’s Porcupine Stadium

3A, Division II, Region III

Bells (7-3) vs Winona (6-4), 7:30 p.m. Friday at Sulphur Springs’ Prim Stadium

Gilmer Harmony (7-3) vs Whitewright (5-5), 7:30 p.m. Thursday at Sulphur Springs’

Prim Stadium

Leonard (6-4) vs Troup (6-4), 7:30 p.m. Friday at Forney’s City Bank Stadium

Grand Saline (7-3) vs Blue Ridge (6-4), 7:30 p.m. Friday at Emory’s Wildcat Stadium

2A, Division I, Region II

Honey Grove (9-1) vs Trenton (4-5), 7 p.m. Friday at Denison’s Munson Stadium

Wolfe City (8-2) vs Collinsville (5-5), 7 p.m. Thursday at Anna’s Coyote Stadium

Tom Bean (4-6) vs Bogota Rivercrest (9-1), TBA