9 minute read
Home for Christmas with Dr Bill Webster
I’LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS
By Dr Bill Webster
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It has not been a great year. 2020 will go down as the year the world pressed the PAUSE button.
Very few will be sorry to see the old year out and the new coming in. The pandemic has meant the loss of so many things we care about and that give our lives meaning. Not able to visit with, or even say goodbye to loved ones in hospital or long term care facilities because of quarantine. Funerals enforced by strict regulations and restrictions, leaving people to lament, “This is not what I wanted for my relative.” For some, the loss of their job or financial security, the loss of freedoms, right down to the loss of travel plans and opportunities to go places and do things. Activities and social gatherings like sporting events or concerts have been cancelled, restaurants and theatres closed, shopping malls shut down, and normally busy places deserted. But you know all this, because we have been living it for months! We are grieving more than those who died, we are lamenting life as we knew it, feeling our world has changed, and trying to come to terms with this new reality. Even life’s most meaningful celebrations and rituals like birthdays, funerals, anniversary parties, baptisms or weddings have been cancelled. Well, I’m sick of it, and I plan to do something about it. I’m darned if that pesky virus is going to spoil my Christmas. Different doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. Think about it, you get to avoid that family get-together or party you usually complain about? How wonderful that we don’t have the hassle of travelling, lugging presents and winter woollies this year. So here’s how it’s going to be: I’ll be home for Christmas, and so will my entire family. Now admittedly, I will be in MY home, and my son, my family and my grandchildren will be in THEIR homes. Instead of the Queen on TV, I will be watching my family on Zoom … and when I need a nap, I’ll just hit the mute button. So, here are a few suggestions … but come up with your own: 1. Spread joy not germs! 2. Organize a scavenger hunt for kids of all ages to find the stocking-stuffers, with the “clues” in the stockings. Use any leftover Halloween candy for a Christmas Easter egg hunt. Taking a familiar activity and turning it into something fun will ease any disappointment. 2. Do the Zoom thing. It has become quite normal to virtually gather with far-away family members and friends. Before the pandemic, if someone couldn’t make a holiday gathering, we just missed them. Now, we can all get on Zoom just to talk … or to sing Christmas carols or songs together; to share what you’re grateful for; to light the candles, or open gifts. It’s ALMOST as good as being there. 3. Get Creative and organize some crazy things: • Try some “Look what you missed” gifts … open ridiculous gifts that no-one would have wanted (like a Chia pet, or an ugly sweater) that everyone will get a good laugh over. • Reindeer Games, where everyone wears reindeer antlers, pyjamas with a Christmas theme, or a “Worst Santa Outfit” contest. • Christmas Cookie Show and Tell. Have the kids make and decorate their best Christmas cookies to show off in the video feed. • Organize a quiz for adults, kids and families.
There are many online resources and ideas to give you questions to build a truly comprehensive quiz experience. In short, virtual holiday parties or get-togethers make new kinds of lasting memories and help you maintain strong connections with friends and loved ones you can’t see due to physical or social distance. Admittedly it’s difficult to replicate the joy of being with friends and family, and while
technology has made it easier than ever to stay in touch, nothing beats giving someone you love a hug. But there are those who do not have family or others to share with even virtually. Many are finding that loneliness, isolation and feelings of abandonment have been the worst part of this year. So, make a difference: • Staying connected to those you love, but cannot be with physically, is a noble task.
Phone someone every day. Even these small, unexpected surprises and gestures go a long way. • Sending someone a small gift during a difficult time can be a meaningful expression of kindness. A gift card to some programme that will enable the person to watch movies, or subscribing to a book club or playlist can be a great mood booster. • Maybe you can send them a meal through a local restaurant or food delivery service. As Ebenezer Scrooge discovered, Christmas past often seems better than Christmas present. So however you decide to celebrate, remember that it’s OK to feel ticked off about this season not being the same as Christmas’ past. Life is full of disappointment right now and it’s hard. But if we can look at holiday-related changes as an opportunity to get creative, you and your family will enjoy more time making memories and less time feeling like this year is incomplete due to pandemic restrictions. And who knows? Maybe you’ll discover new ways of celebrating that will become a family tradition post-virus. But also remember this. It had not been a great year for Mary and Joseph that first Christmas. An unexpected pregnancy, the teenage mother far from home, away from her mother’s loving support and care, with no comfortable hospital care for the birth of her child, no warm fluffy towels, no hot water. No room at the inn, just a stinky cattle shed after a long weary journey to a strange and foreboding place. Oh I know the Christmas cards and carols paint a much prettier picture of the nativity scene, but to Mary and Joseph, THEIR world that first Christmas night must have seemed like a very unfriendly, uncomfortable and unpleasant place. Perhaps this can teach us, especially THIS Christmas, that life CAN be meaningful even though it doesn’t always work out as we expect; that something good can come out of it if we allow it to; that there is a purpose, even though we may not be able to see it just at the time.
First you hurt, then you heal
Dr. Bill Webster understands grief not just in theory, but also from personal experience. In his book, “First you Hurt, Then you Heal”, Dr. Bill outlines a road map for the grief journey in a series of articles that take us through the process .
He begins with a chapter entitled “I Didn’t Plan for This” that gives people an understanding of what they may experience in the early days after a loss. The book then goes on to give us an understanding of grief, some insights into various situations of loss, and some strategies to help us work through the process.
This book will be a helpful resource for those who are going through a grief process as well as containing much relevant and practical information for those who would like to know what they can say and how they can help someone who has experienced a significant loss. It will also serve as a basic knowledge and layman’s guide for those in the helping professions such as nurses, teachers, funeral directors and those who seek to support grieving people, young and old, through their work. “First you Hurt, Then you Heal” provides practical, down to earth and effective insight into one of the most difficult topics and most misunderstood experiences of life.
First you Hurt, Then you Heal: A Road Map for the Grief Journey (Kindle Edition) is avaialble to buy on Amazon.
www.griefJourney.com
Our friend and long-time magazine contributor, Dr Bill Webster of Grief Journey, has developed a new state of the art website at www.griefJourney.com. He would be very pleased if any or every funeral director wanted to put a link to this comprehensive grief support programme on their websites at NO COST! Dr Bill says, “We just want to make it available to as many grieving people as we can”.
If you would like to contact Grief Journey, please email info@griefjourney.com
All at Funeral Times would like to wish the compliments of the season to our readers.
Pearson Repatriation Service (UK)
A small independent family run company offering a fast and reliable service 24 hours a day. As part of our service to you, we can: • Repatriate the deceased from the UK • Provide a coffin and interior • Provide embalming services
Telephone +44 (0)1484 844289
Proprietor Clive J Pearson LMBIFD. DIP.FD. MBIE Manchester Road, Marsden, Huddersfield, West Yorkshire, UK, HD7 6EY
Local support helps Breidge stay on track
After Breidge Barry from Camlough survived two strokes in her 50s, one in 2018 and another 11 months later, she was left to face the idea of living with a long-term disability and needing a battery-powered wheelchair to get around for the rest of her life. Less than a year later, Coronavirus has changed everything and posed another obstacle to her road to recovery – but thankfully, local support has helped her stay on track.
Breidge had been working as a childminder prior to her stroke, a job she loved but was forced to give up. She says “Hope and optimism were in very short supply.” “I couldn’t go to the bathroom on my own. I was like a child learning to get dressed and put its shoes on. I had to be put to bed at night and helped up in the morning. I have overcome some of those challenges, but I still can’t put on a jumper. I’m determined, though, that I’ll do that someday too.”
Following her stroke, Breidge went through a series of rehabilitation and exercise programmes from Northern Ireland Chest Heart and Stroke (NICHS), as well as attending the charity’s stroke groups, which she says have helped rebuild her strength and confidence. “After my second stroke, I literally couldn’t stand on my own two feet. Now, although I have the wheelchair, I can walk around using a stick. I can make the dinner and clear out and lay the fire. Sometimes, of course, there are bumps on the road. But I don’t like anything to beat me. There’s no such thing as can’t do.”
When the Coronavirus pandemic hit, it threatened Breidge’s progress, but NICHS’s services moving to online, phone and postal support meant she didn’t lose out. “Our faceto-face support group meetings have had to be suspended, but we’re still able to meet via video conference,” Breidge says. “I also know that wonderful NICHS care staff are only a phone call away any time I need them.” Breidge continues her excercise programme
“But every day, 11 people across Northern Ireland will suffer a stroke and have to go through the same long journey to recovery. It’s a lonely and difficult journey to try to attempt on your own - especially during COVID.”
To find out more about how Northern Ireland Chest Heart and Stroke are Still Caring through COVID for people like Breidge or how you can help, visit www.nichs.org.uk.
