4 minute read
Screens
Running on Fumes
Not even a dose of self-awareness can steer Fast & Furious’ penultimate sequel back on course
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BY KIKO MARTINEZ
The Fast & Furious saga rages on with the ninth installment of the action movie franchise that started 20 years ago. This time, director Justin Lin, who helmed parts three through six, is back and taking on co-screenwriting duties for the fi rst time alongside Daniel Casey (Kin). Unfortunately, it’s Lin and Casey’s script that has F9: The Fast Saga spu ering and idling during its penultimate lap around the track.
Luckily for them, most Fast & Furious fans readily admit fl ashy cars and wild stunts trump narrative substance in the series. F9 isn’t short on either of those two fl ashy elements, but it would have made more sense to spread the ridiculous car-related action sequences throughout the movie instead of loading them all into the fi nal act. At least we know why it made so much sense to keep rapper Chris “Ludacris” Bridges around for all these years. His nickname sums up the franchise perfectly.
In F9, much of the original cast is back, along with past characters who haven’t been seen in a few years. For example, the trailer already spoils the fact that actor Sung Kang is back as the deceased Han.
If story actually does ma er to you, well, here it is: the street racers are back together to get their hands on a powerful object that can control any weapons system in the world. Also, fl ashbacks show the origins of the bad blood between Dom (Vin Diesel) and Jakob (John Cena). Oh, and a couple of the crew members travel to space — in a rocket-powered car, of course. So there’s that.
Most of the time, Lin and Casey let actor Tyrese Gibson go meta and question the validity of the story by suggesting that he and the other characters are somehow invincible. How else could they survive the numerous fi re fi ghts and lethal car crashes they’ve experienced over the past two decades? At one point, the phrase “pre y nifty magic trick” is used to explain away something totally absurd. Yeah, OK.
For this ninth round, Lin and Casey want audiences to know that the movie’s makers are in on the joke. It’s a self-aware albeit lazy approach to storytelling, but the writers don’t appear to mind admi ing that much of what they’ve put on the big screen makes li le sense. If this is what it’s going to take to get people back to the theaters, so be it.
If you’re hoping this franchise keeps its engines revving after this sequel, Fast & Furious 10 has already been announced. If Universal Studios is looking to do something dumber, they should think about sending the gang to Jurassic World for a crossover. F10: Tyrannosaurus Torque has a nice ring to it.
Universal Pictures
screens
Happy Return
After 469 days, I’m back to the theater and ready for more visits
BY KIKO MARTINEZ
When I walked out of a press screening at the Santikos Palladium on March 10, 2020, I had no idea that it would take me 15 months to see another movie at a theater. To be precise, an entire 469 days would pass before I felt comfortable enough to walk back into a movie house amid a global pandemic.
But there I was last week, back to the coziness of a theater seat, which has become my second home after nearly 20 years as a fi lm critic. I was vaccinated, though still wearing a mask out of an abundance of caution. I had a pen and pad to take notes and a bottled water in case I got thirsty during F9: The Fast Saga’s 145-minute runtime. What better movie to get people back to the theater than a mindless mix of motors and muscles, amirite?
F9 would have been the same action fl ick if I had seen it at home, but there was something reassuring in knowing that — for the most part — the movie theater industry survived what may be its biggest test ever.
Who knows where it will be another year from now when studios start crunching the numbers and see what makes the best business sense for releasing the fi lms they produce? Deep down, I think the cinema will always be a viable entertainment venue in one form or another, but we’ll have to adapt and accept the fact that Hollywood is just one more industry experiencing long-term changes from the pandemic.
Whatever the future holds, I’m ready to see some great movies at the theater — maybe even starting next week. Now, will someone please pass the popcorn?
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