1 minute read
A STEP-BY-STEP TRANSITION GUIDE FOR TCK PARENTS.
For parents on the journey of college transition, David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken in the book “Third Culture Kids, Growing Up Among Worlds” provide a way to avoid sinking in a river of grief via the acronym RAFT, which stands for:
R = Reconciliation, which “includes both the need to forgive and be forgiven.”
A = Affirmation, or “the acknowledgement that each person in (a) relationship matters.”
F = Farewells, which includes farewells to “people, places, pets and possessions.”
T = Think Destination, including the “internal … and external … resources for coping with problems” at the next destination.
The following is how RAFT can apply for both parent and child as well as the parent’s grief process:
Reconciliation — If there are any unresolved issues that have weighed heavily on the relationship between you and your child, intentionally making time to name and acknowledge those matters together and process any hurts, apologies, forgiveness or grief together can be helpful. Internally for the parent, some issues may not feel resolvable, but admission informs future choices and distance offers perspective.
Affirmation — Likely to come naturally, when you share favorite memories about what you cherish most about your child, it can help affirm special aspects of their character and personality. This may help your child when they build new relationships. Internally for the parent, affirmation can also be a time to celebrate your accomplishment of this milestone as well as the losses you feel.
Farewells — Familiar to the TCK, this step for parent and child involves acknowledging the favorite activities, traditions, items and hangout spots together, and painfully saying, “bye for now” to each.
Acknowledging the meanings while accepting the transition allows for your child to let go. Internally for the parent, watching your child let go can prompt you to honor the process and likewise let go.
Think Destination — Talk about what your child entering college looks forward to in addition to taking care of the logics of the transition such as the preparations for campus living and first-semester classes. You can also share encouraging words or advice about the new horizon. Internally for the parent, you can also look forward to new opportunities that became available as a result of the changes while grieving the transition. Plan out how you will access sources of support during intense moments of grief.
