Best Comic Piece written by Orlando Kuti (Year 9)
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The CGS Conspiracy Theory
ave you ever wondered why there are so many solar panels at Camberwell Grammar School? Why do they generate so much more power than needed? Have you ever wondered why students arenât allowed in staff rooms? And why are all our teachers always calm and positive?
My suspicions started growing in year eight, so did a bit of sleuthing. What I uncovered was extremely unnerving. Fearing my own safety, I figured the only way to protect myself was to spread the word. It might shock you too, but itâs better to know the truth than to be blissfully unaware of whatâs been developing by the day. At first I thought CGS might be using all the power itâs been producing to mine Bitcoin, and I suppose that wouldâve been okay because no one would get hurt other than financially. But my theory didnât explain how every teacher was able to remain calm and super positive even when faced with student misbehaviour and unruly classes. Last week for example, when Jimmy ate Maccas in math class then puked on his teacherâs shoes (a situation where any reasonable person would have lost it), his teacher just wiped it up and moved on. I witnessed this with my own eyes and it just doesnât add up. Itâs not normal BECAUSE ITâS NOT. They are not. Deep breath⌠whatâs really happening in those staff roomsâŚstay with meâŚis that our teachers are plugging in to recharge their batteries. Iâm not talking about coffee and cake here, but 240-volt power! Hereâs the thing; our teachers might appear human, but theyâre actually part of an advanced artificial intelligence network run by none other than Mr Pisch. How do I know itâs Mr Pisch? Because as any student of his English or History classes will confirm, Mr Pisch dresses like a supermodel (Gucci glasses, head to toe colour coordinated, never wears socks) and is unlike any other teacher. The robots aka our teachers on the other hand (and by the way Iâm also highly suspicious of a number of students) are designed to fit in with the crowd and not bring uncalled attention to themselves. So I manned up and took my concerns in person to Dr Hicks, hoping he wouldnât think Iâd completely lost it and follow up with an urgent call to my parents. But my greatest fears came to life when he responded calmly with perfect grammar, full of positivity and topping it off by reminding me of the school values. Thatâs when I knew for sure that Camberwell Grammar School is plugged into the AI network. It all adds up. CGS teachers work day and night (except Mr Pisch of course) and convene throughout the week in secret staffrooms. There is a ridiculous abundance of solar panels and a not-so-evil genius disguised as an eccentric and fashionable art collecting English teacher. Conspiracy theory? I think not. â
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