In Sickness and In Health...
LOVING & LIVING THROUGH ILLNESS By Lisa Sydnor
Mike and Martha Williams share their story as their paths join to create something new.
MIKE AND CINDY Mike Williams married Cindy, his high school sweetheart, in 1969 at age 19. When you are 19, everything and anything seems possible. He was in the Air Force and he had a plan for their life. Life was good and their future was bright. The world was full of possibilities. Like many plans, there were some unexpected twists. Cindy was active and athletic, not letting juvenile diabetes stop her from living life. Although they thought they knew about the disease, neither of them expected Cindy to suffer as she did. She had neuropathy in both feet; her right leg was amputated below the knee; she wore a brace on her left leg to assist in walking; had kidney failure; and, a quadruple bypass.
Mike was gone serving his country a great deal of the time so was not there to help Cindy as the disease progressed. He had planned to retire from the Air Force but Cindy’s deteriorating health dictated a change of plan. He left the Air Force after ten years and went to work at the Oklahoma Tax Commission. He retired from OTC after 25 years. Mike never considered himself as a caregiver. He said, “My wife needed me. I was there for her. I was her husband; that is what a husband does; he takes care of his wife.” His caregiving journey started with daily shots; progressing to debridement (removal of damaged tissue or foreign objects from a wound) and dressing wounds for Cindy. Nothing about these 35 years was easy. Mike is a planner; illness takes away the option to plan or schedule anything.
CAREGIVING Is… Caregiving has many facets, many shapes and forms. It can change minute-to-minute and it is often situational. The role of caregiver can include dispensing medication; changing bandages; helping a loved one bathe and dress; and, perhaps, feeding them. Other caregiving focuses on being the “runner.” The runner does the grocery shopping; picks up medicine; does transports to doctor and medical appointments; goes to the bank; in general, running errands and organizing “life”. There is the caregiver who is the go-to person for social interaction; fun excursions; shopping; going out to eat or to a movie. Then there is the “sounding board” caregiver; the one your loved one calls when they need to vent. That person who can listen; laugh or cry; yell or stomp; makes the best hot chocolate; and gives the best hugs - depending on the situation. 12 CAREGIVER Magazine
A caregiver who helps the care receiver make it through the day - by providing emotional support without judgment - has a difficult and critical job. Then, there is the caregiver who makes, and stands firm on, hard decisions. Some are financial decisions; others are medical, ensuring that the best interests along with the wishes of the loved one are priority. There are also the caregivers who cook, clean, baby-sit or do laundry for the hands-on caregivers, providing hot meals, a clean house, clean clothes and peace of mind. Each role requires different skill sets and is critical to the wellbeing of the primary caregiver and the care receiver. Too often, one person tries to fill all of these caregiver roles.
March 2020
CaregiverOklahoma.com
