PENSACOLA MAGAZINE
A Contract of Love Why Every Smart Couple Should Consider A Prenuptial Agreement by Autumn Beck Blackledge “The sight of lovers feedeth those in love.” -William Shakespeare; As you Like It 3:4 There is just something romantic about this time of year. In Pensacola, we know that the cold weather is about to give way to a glorious panhandle spring and that means that wedding season is just around the corner. Ladies who are well loved by the right person become more beautiful every day and the men who are in love become more confident. If you have ever witnessed a couple become engaged, the nervous posture of the groomto-be and the excitement of the bride-to-be cannot help to elicit a feeling of hope in the observer. Yes, Shakespeare was right; the sight of lovers is like seed for lovebirds. Ahh and a bride-to-be, constantly looking down at her hand admiring the way her ring catches the light, flipping through magazines at dresses and decorations and putting in place the wedding she has had planned in her mind since she was a little girl—the cake, the dress and the party! And just as the fun of the wedding planning is being undertaken, someone dares to ask, “Are you getting a prenuptial?” Gasp! Who would cast this shadow of doubt on a newly engaged couple? Yes, over the years the word “pre-nup” has become a
dirty word for hopeful and committed brides and grooms. It is understandable of course, as who wants to enter a marriage with the expectation of it failing; why plan for the end of your marriage when you have just committed to undertake this life in a permanent partnership? But what if the discussion about a prenuptial did just the opposite? What if it solidified your commitment instead of polarized it? Prenuptial agreements have been around for centuries. In the Jewish faith, the bride and groom not only make an emotional and spiritual commitment to one another through marriage, but also make a legal commitment through the use of a ketubah. In a ketubah, the mutual responsibilities of the parties are outlined for the couple both during the marriage and if necessary upon their divorce. The true historic goal of the first prenuptial agreements therefore was not just for divorce planning, but also for marriage planning. Over the years, society’s view of prenuptial agreements has deviated from this idea. It’s no wonder when celebrity breakups and the extreme terms of their prenuptial agreements highlight nothing but their selfish motives and greed. But the reality of a well thought out prenuptial is the exact opposite and has less
to do with protecting your “stuff ” from the other person and more about writing your own plan for your future as husband and wife.
■ SMART COUPLES KNOW
THAT THEIR MARRIAGE WILL END. Smart couples know that even though they do not intend, and do not want, to ever dissolve their marriage, the possibility of dissolution is a reality. The current national divorce average is somewhere around 40 percent, down from recent years where it topped 50 percent. However, with the recent stressors of a global pandemic, inflation, war and other struggles, it is very likely that the divorce rate will increase as the stress of these events often hit the hardest on marriages. While every newly engaged couple is hoping and expecting to beat those odds, smart brides and grooms do not ignore the possibility of dissolution. Aside from the possibility of divorce, smart brides and grooms know with certainty that if divorce doesn’t end their marriage, death will. Prenuptials not only help outline terms for divorce, but also establish terms for inheritance and estate planning. When a person dies, Florida law provides for how that person’s property is transferred. Similarly, if a couple divorces, the law will dictate the terms of that divorce. In instances, a statute or a judge interpreting the facts to the relevant law can ultimately make very personal decisions for families. A prenuptial is a contract that sets forth some minimum terms in both and smart brides and grooms use a prenuptial to decide that when the marriage ends, due to either death or dissolution that their lives will be governed by the terms of their own agreement, rather than by any terms dictated by a statute or a judge. Remember, a prenuptial agreement does not prevent you from
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giving more to your spouse or even sharing everything in the event of your death.
■ SMART COUPLES KNOW
THEY HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THE HARD STUFF. Ask any couple who has been married for a long time what their secret of success is and they will likely tell you “communication.” In fact, the pastors, licensed mental health counselors and countless other people involved in helping struggling marriages that I work with on a regular basis, will tell you that couples are headed for divorce when they can no longer communicate. A prenuptial agreement forces a couple to have conversations about difficult subjects like finances, death and honesty before they take the leap. Smart brides and grooms believe that by openly discussing these matters, they are solidifying their commitment and love for each other and setting a pattern of open communication that will stay with them for the duration of their relationship and married lives. This is accomplished in several ways as the prenuptial is negotiated. Enforceable prenuptial agreements often require full financial disclosure of each party’s assets and liability and forces the parties to think about their positions on legal issues like alimony, marital assets and debt and inheritance. A good prenuptial agreement also helps the couple outline how finances will be handled during the marriage and can address financial issues like separate bank accounts and individual earnings.
■ SMART COUPLES WANT
TO UNDERSTAND THE RULES OF THE GAME. Most people do not know the rules of the game when it comes to divorce or death. There is no doubt about it that when you get married, you are entering
